A/N I'm so sorry for being late! Turns out it's difficult to keep up the frequent uploads… I'm going to try my very best though, I promise! I hope you like this chapter, please let me know your thoughts and feelings.

Chapter 21

Maura's POV

Jane's slow breaths and her steady heartbeat are music to my ears as I lie awake and stare at the beauty in my arms. I was so afraid to lose her again and I'm so happy I didn't. Her pain is hurting me in a way I've never felt before, but her love is keeping me standing. Jane's hand is still weakly holding the sonogram picture to her chest, close to her heart. Her heart… right where this baby will be.

I was right. She tried to keep her distance. She tried to make a choice not to love this child. She tried to forbid herself to love this baby, so that if she couldn't love it naturally, it wouldn't be so devastating. None of it is her fault, of course. She did it all unconsciously. She didn't even realize it until tonight. Last night. I look at the clock on the wall and see that it's almost 5am. I barely slept for two hours, but I'll gladly lie awake all night if it means Jane is sleeping peacefully.

She feels guilty. I know she does. She made an unconscious choice to try and not to love her baby, that's killing her. I want to take it away. I want to take it all away. Her pain, her guilt, her insecurities… If I could soak it all up and take it from her, I would. I would gladly be in pain if it meant Jane would be without pain.

I carefully trace her facial features with my fingers, marveling at her beauty in the dark. Her cheekbones are sticking out under her skin and she looks pale. My fingers trace her cheeks, her forehead, brow, nose, down to her lips and back up. I don't know how long I've been staring until she sighs deeply in her sleep and stirs. I quickly pull my hand away, not wanting to wake her, but she opens her eyes anyway.

"Hey," she breaths out, her voice hoarse and quiet.

"Hello, beauty." I smile and peck her lips. I brush her hair back and look into her eyes. "How are you feeling?"

She sighs deeply and closes her eyes. "Headache."

"You should drink some water."

She nods but doesn't move from my arms. She nuzzles her face back into the crook of my neck after she kisses my jaw. "I just wanna lay here a little longer," she whispers softly.

I smile and pull her impossibly closer. I want to pull her into me, to crawl under her skin, to be in her arms for the rest of my days. I'm at home in her arms. "I love you, Jane," I whisper into her dark curls as I tangle my fingers in them. "I never loved anyone like I love you. I'll never stop loving you."

"I love you too." She places kisses on my chest and neck and lets go of the picture to wrap her arm around my waist. "I love you too."

We stay in the same position for a while longer until I press my lips against Jane's in a loving kiss. "Come on, let's get some water." I reluctantly untangle myself from the gorgeous brunette and pull her up from the couch. She's standing weakly on her knees and I take her arm to support her.

I grab a glass from the cabinet and fill it with water before handing it to Jane. "Drink all of it and then two more."

"You're trying to drown me?"

I smile and peck her lips before I grab a glass for myself. "Crying can cause dehydration. It's causing your headache."

She smiles and knows I'm right. She sips the water and leans back against the kitchen counter. I look at her and gently touch her arm. "Try not to feel guilty, Jane. It's not your fault."

"It's not my fault that I've been trying real hard not to love this kid?"

"No," I whisper, tracing the edge of my glass with my fingers. "It's not. It's an unconscious psychological process."

She sighs deeply and finishes her water.

"Another one," I urge her, pointing at the empty glass.

She fills it again and I see her resting her hand on her stomach. "It's growing already," she says softly, looking down at her stomach that's slowly getting less flat. "Our baby."

She takes my hand and places it under hers. I smile and kiss her cheek. "I'm honored to get the chance to raise this child with you."

"Honored?" Jane chuckles and looks at me with disbelief. "I'm the lucky one here. If it weren't for you, I'd have to do all this by myself!"

"You know I'd be there even if our relationship hadn't progressed like it has."

"Well, yeah… But now you're gonna be the mother of my kids."

I swallow hard and look at her with wide eyes. The silence startles her and makes her realize what she said. "I mean… If you… Only if you want to… I'd- I'd like you to be y'know, legally-…"

I cut her off with a kiss and feel tears burning in my eyes when I look at her. "You want me to be a legal guardian to your kids? Both of them?"

"Our kids." She shrugs and smiles a shy smile. "Yeah. But only if you want to. I understand if you don't."

I kiss her lips again and smile brightly at her. "Are you sure?"

"Maura," she laughs and takes my hand, "you're practically Sam's mother already. Casey lost his parental rights, it shouldn't be that hard to pass them to you, should it?" She shrugs and looks down at our hands. "And I want this baby to be ours."

A tear trickles down my cheek and I capture her lips in a loving kiss. "Nothing would make me happier," I whisper into her mouth.

"I just…" she averts her gaze and rests her forehead against mine, "I don't wanna do this by myself."

"You don't have to, my love." I stroke her hair and look deeply into her eyes.

"But it's not just that," she continues softly, "I wanna do this with you. I want you to bother me with prenatal vitamins and shitty healthy food, I want you to bug our kids with that same shitty food," she chuckles and squeezes my hand, "I want you to braid Sam's hair every morning, I want you to help me through this pregnancy and raise this baby with me."

I'm about to tell her how happy that would make me but she continues. "I want to wake up next to you when this baby cries us awake all night, I want to argue with you about who should change its dirty diaper. I want to cry with you when we leave it alone for the first time and… And I want to cry with you when Sam goes off to college."

Tears are silently trickling down my cheeks and Jane's gaze is fixated on our entangled fingers. "Will you be mommies with me?"

I can't reply and just nod before wrapping my arms around her neck, almost knocking the glass of water out of her hand. I kiss her lips again and again, smiling through my tears. "Yes, Jane," I whisper against her lips, "I would love to be parents with you."

She smiles and kisses my tears away, continuing a trail across my cheeks to my brow and back down to my lips. "It's not gonna be easy," she whispers with a smirk, "Sam's a tough one sometimes."

"Sam is the sweetest girl in the entire world," I smile and trace her cheekbone with my thumb, "I love that girl more than anyone or anything in the world. I'm here for that part and the rough part." I smile when I think about how Sam sometimes throws anger tantrums, whines about eating her vegetables and going to bed, makes her clothes dirty all the time… But nothing would make me love that little girl less.

"She's gonna be tough when she hits puberty. My Ma always wished me a daughter like myself and that's not a good thing."

I smile when I imagine Sam as an unruly teenager. She'd be a beautiful young girl and I'm positive that boys would be lining up at the door for her. "She's only three," I answer softly, "we have a long time to prepare for that."

"Yeah, thank God." She smiles and kisses me. "She's not leaving the house until she's twenty-five. Or going to parties. Or dates."

"Twenty-five, Jane?" I chuckle and cup her face. "Isn't that a little excessive?"

"No! Those fifteen-year old boys out there are all riled up on hormones and they're not coming close to my girl until I'm absolutely sure she can kick their balls into their brains."

I laugh and kiss her lips, loving the anger and protectiveness that shows in her eyes. "I won't allow our daughter to kick someone's balls into their brains, Jane."

Jane smiles at me mentioning our daughter and brushes my hair over my shoulder. "I'm gonna teach her anyway. To keep those boys away."

"Maybe she likes girls."

"Oh," Jane's face lights up and she smiles at me, "I like that idea. Girls are much sweeter than boys."

"And they don't have balls to kick."

"Was that a joke?" Jane laughs and wraps her arms around my waist.

"Was it funny?"

She kisses my lips and smiles into the kiss. "Yeah. But girls can get pretty riled up too." She shakes her head. "No, she's not dating until 25. Boys or girls."

I laugh and tangle my fingers into her dark curls. "I love you," I whisper before pressing my lips against her, kissing her deeply. I open my mouth and trace her lips with my tongue, deepening the kiss further. Our tongues dance together in a perfect rhythm, her hands roam over my back and sides and my hands massage her scalp under her messy curls.

We kiss for several minutes, lungs screaming for air, but we don't stop. The taste of Jane is intoxicating and overwhelming and I want to drown myself in it. These are the best kind of kisses. The clumsy, wet, lazy kisses where our teeth clash together every now and then because we can't stop smiling, where we break out into laughter over a sloppy sound and turn back to passion and lust within a second.

When we finally break the kiss, we are panting and smiling. "I love kissing you," Jane whispers, her breath tickling my lips. "It's my favorite thing to do."

I smile and we repeat the whole thing again. Kissing slowly, pouring our love and heart into each other's lips. When we break apart I look at the clock and see that it is almost 6am. "You're calling in sick today," I say softly, reluctantly pulling away from Jane to fill her glass with water again.

"What? I'm fine."

I look into her eyes and hand her the glass. "Your head is still hurting rather badly," I say softly, examining her face and body language. "Your muscles are stiff, you're beyond exhausted and you're emotionally drained. You need a day or two to relax and come to yourself."

I prepare myself for Jane's protest and I'm already thinking about how to persuade her to stay home, but I'm pleasantly surprised to see her nod. She takes a deep breath and smiles sadly. "Will you stay home as well?" she whispers softly.

"If you want me to, yes."

She nods again.

"You're going to be okay, Jane," I whisper to her, my voice quiet and barely audible. "Everything's going to be okay."

"I know."

I smile and take her hand to lead us both upstairs. She follows me without saying a word. Upstairs, we enter our bedroom and I help Jane get out of her pants and shirt, gently kissing her upper body before pulling a sweater over her head and guiding her to lie down. If we're lucky we'll get at least one or two hours of sleep before Sam wakes up. We curl up together, Jane's arms wrapped around me as I snuggle into her side.

I'm looking forward to a day off with Jane and Sam. We'll have all day to relax, play, talk… I know that these days are the best days. I treasure them with all I have. With a smile on my face and my head on Jane's chest, I fall asleep.

"Mama," Sam's soft voice wakes me up but the underlying sadness in her voice causes Jane and I to shoot up and look at the crying girl at our bed.

Jane holds her breath to fight off a wave of morning sickness. "What's the matter, baby?" She sighs and pulls Sam up on the bed.

"Why's you not waking me?" Sam asks, tears falling down her small cheeks.

"Oh honey, were you waiting for us to wake you?" Jane kisses Sam's temple and looks at me with a sad look in her eyes. "We're gonna have a lazy day today."

"Really?" Sam's face lights up and she smiles at both of us.

I laugh at her adorable face and brush her messy hair back. "Yes, sweetheart."

Jane smiles but I see her closing her eyes and sighing deeply. I reach over Sam to place my hand on her shoulder. "Anything I can do?"

She slowly shakes her head. "I don't know."

"Just breathe slowly." I move my arm up to stroke her cheek with the back of my hand. "I can get you some tea with ginger and lemon, that might help."

Jane wrinkles her nose and groans. "No thanks."

I nod. She just needs to be left alone and relax for a few minutes until the sickness subsides.

"Is Mommy sick again?"

"She's not feeling well right now, but she'll be better soon." I smile and caress Sam's cheek for a second. "Did you sleep well?"

Sam nods and turns on her side to look at me. "Yah. I had no dreams."

"Good," I smile and tuck a strand of hair behind her ear. I see worry in her dark brown eyes and all I want to do is take it away. "You know the baby in Mommy's belly?"

She nods.

"It's making her stomach a little upset every morning." I smile and move my hand towards her tummy, making gentle circular strokes. "So she has to relax for a while and wait until the sickness goes away."

"Why's the baby make Mommy sick?"

I sigh and bite my lip to prevent myself from explaining the hormones that cause morning sickness. "Because it's growing. It's going to be a real baby soon."

Sam smiles at me and her little fingers play with my hand on her stomach. "Is she gonna has a big belly like Timmy's Mommy?"

"Yes. A really big belly." I chuckle and kiss the girl's cheek. "Like an elephant, so big."

"Really?!" Sam laughs and covers her mouth with her little hands. "Mommy's gonna be fat!"

I look at Jane and see that her eyes are still closed, but her lips are curled up in a sweet smile. "No, just her belly. And once the baby is born, it'll all go away." I smile and look at the beauty lying next to Sam. "And she'll be gorgeous through all of it."

Sam doesn't understand my last statement and traces my fingers with hers. I smile at her and her pretty young face. She looks just like Jane. They have the same nose and the same mouth. Sam's hair is lighter, like the sun kissed it, but her eyes are just as dark as her mother's. They're beautiful.

"Is I gonna has two mommies?"

Sam's question startles me and I can't make up if she's sad or happy about it. "Would you like that?"

She shrugs. "I dunno. I'm never gonna has a daddy again?"

I sigh deeply and look at Jane for support, but her eyes are still closed and I can tell she's fighting back the urge to throw up. I decide to just tell her the truth. "No, honey. You're going to have two mommies now. Is that okay?"

She seems to think about that for a while before she nods. "Yeah."

I can't help myself and ask the question I've been avoiding lately. "Do you miss your daddy?"

"No." Her answer is quick and determined and I can't help but feel a little relieved. "Daddy maked Mommy sad and he maked blood on my head." She turns her head and looks into my eyes. "I don't like Daddy. He's bad."

"Yes," I whisper, stroking her forehead with my hand, "he is. But he can't hurt you anymore. Or Mommy."

She nods and shifts closer to me as I wrap my arms around the little girl. I smile and kiss the top of her head that rests on my chest. "Are you okay with having two mommies?"

She nods. "Yeah. I likes you being my mommy."

I smile and see Jane looking at us, tears shimmering in her eyes. "And I like you being my daughter, Sam," I whisper, looking deeply into Jane's eyes. I laugh softly and lean forward to kiss Jane's lips. I rub Sam's back and hope she'll go back to sleep, feeling exhaustion taking over. I barely slept last night and I desperately need a few more hours of sleep.

I smile when I look down to see Sam's eyes slowly closing and I continue my soothing strokes on her back, hoping to lull the girl back to sleep. When I hear her breaths getting slow and steady, I close my own eyes and quickly fall asleep, my lovely family next to me.