A/N: Hello to all you marvelous people :D

I. Am. Amazed. The response to the last chapter was awesome. Seriously people. Thank you so much. It was the most I've ever gotten on a single chapter. So, in reward, you all get banana splits. With this awesome chocolate sauce (otherwise known as fudgy-fudge) that my mom makes from scratch and it's soooo heavenly. Yep.

Mr. Padfoot/Sirius Black-Bold Italic

Mr. Moony/Remus Lupin-Bold

Mr. Prongs/James Potter-Plain

Mr. Wormtail/Peter Pettigrew-Italic

-esin

Chapter Twenty-One: Padfoot and the Whole World

In Muggle Studies…

Mr. Moony really wishes that Mr. Padfoot would cease making rendezvous with Miss McKinnon on nights that he is on patrol. By now he has seen more of both of you than he ever wanted too.

Mr. Padfoot supposes he could try to do something.

Mr. Moony wants a bit more than "try".

Mr. Padfoot understands Mr. Moony's distress, but cannot make guarantees. After all, memorizing Mr. Moony's patrol schedule and then reorganizing spontaneous dates around it would require an awful lot of work.

Heaven forbid that Padfoot do any work, of course.

Mr. Moony has a simple solution: nix these dates all together.

Mr. Padfoot is horrified by that suggestion.

Mr. Prongs wonders why Mr. Moony is so upset about this now.

Because it's been twice in the past week!

Mr. Padfoot considers these the benefits of having a long-term girlfriend.

Mr. Moony does not want to hear about it.

Mr. Prongs thinks that many of Mr. Moony's problems with Padfoot's snogging habits would be solved if he got himself a girlfriend.

Mr. Moony disagrees.

Yeah, Moony! You need a girl. Seriously.

This conversation is over.

Mr. Padfoot thinks Mr. Moony would be good with Miss—

Mr. Moony has not yet forgiven Mr. Padfoot and wishes that he be mindful of that.

Mr. Prongs thinks Mr. Moony should ask that one Ravenclaw prefect out. You spend an awful lot of time patrolling with her.

Mr. Moony has one question: has Padfoot snogged her?

Uh…yes?

Then he's not interested.

Great. Now we're down to girls Padfoot hasn't snogged. This is impossible.

You do realize that this means you're limited to my evil family members now?

Mr. Moony is sure that there is a perfectly nice girl out there somewhere that Padfoot hasn't snogged.

Mr. Prongs suggests that Mr. Moony leave the country then. Go somewhere nice. Like… I dunno… Paris.

Why Paris?

Mr. Prongs just said the first thing that came to mind.

Mr. Padfoot hates to put a damper on the idea, but his family has vacationed in Paris multiple times and he's had several lovely summer romances…

Mr. Moony is rather appalled that finding a girl who hasn't snogged Padfoot is this difficult.

Mr. Padfoot supposes that there's always Miss Evans.

Absolutely not.

But then, there's that, so I guess not.

Mr. Prongs wishes to remind Mr. Moony that Miss Evans does have a muggle sister. She's quite, er, ah, tolerable.

Mr. Padfoot wishes Mr. Prongs would stop trying to make Petunia Evans sound like a decent person. And for the record, I kissed her too.

YOU WHAT?!

Mr. Moony is shocked and rather disgusted. He has only seen the elder Miss Evans from a distance, but has seen enough to convince him that she is not a pleasant person.

Mr. Prongs asks how and when this happened.

Mr. Padfoot only did it to freak her out. It was the summer before sixth year when you and I went to surprise Lily. While she was yelling at you, Prongs, the muggle girl was making rude comments about me being a wizard. So, to annoy her as much as she was annoying me, I kissed her.

Mr. Moony is appalled. You didn't even like her!

Yeah. But returning her yelling was only going to give her satisfaction. Kissing her didn't.

Mr. Prongs is wondering how he missed this.

Mr. Padfoot thinks that might have to do with how sexy Mr. Prongs finds Lily Evans when she's mad at him.

True…

Mr. Moony is interested to know what Miss Petunia Evans did to Mr. Padfoot for kissing her.

She slapped me across the face and headed back into her house. She was definitely one of the worst kisses I've ever had. Certainly in the bottom five.

Mr. Prongs is not surprised. That she slapped you or that she's a horrible kisser. After all, she and her sister are opposites in every way…

Mr. Moony really doesn't want to think about Lily Evans' kissing ability.

Mr. Padfoot wonders how Mr. Prongs knows that Lily Evans is a good kisser.

He doesn't. But he is sure she is just as wonderful a kisser as she is everything else.

Mr. Moony has now given up. He will never find a girl who hasn't kissed his best friend.

Mr. Padfoot thinks that's about right.

Mr. Prongs offers his most sincere sympathy. And advises that the contents of this conversation be kept from a certain Miss McKinnon.

Mr. Moony has just thought of the most excellent revenge for Mr. Padfoot's ruination of his future love life.

Noooooo! Please Moony! Anything! I'll give you anything. Please?

Mr. Moony doesn't think even Mr. Padfoot can turn back time and un-kiss all those girls.

Mr. Prongs finds Mr. Padfoot's new predicament very amusing indeed.

Mr. Padfoot begs Mr. Moony for a way out of dealing with an annoyed and jealous girlfriend.

Mr. Moony wonders why Mr. Padfoot is bothered. It's not like he's cheated on Marlene or anything. All those kisses were before he began dating her.

Mr. Padfoot is still worried that she might be reminded.

Mr. Prongs suggests Mr. Padfoot start offering silence bribes now.

Mr. Moony is looking forward to what he might gain for his silence.

Mr. Padfoot is scared.

He should be.

A/N: So. Hope you all enjoyed that. I love you all. :D

-esin