Summary: farewell my own true love, farewell
Notes: Happy 4th of July all you Americans out there!
Obi-Wan leaves for the Utapau system to hunt General Grievous.
Farewell
Obi-Wan stood in the bright sunshine to watch his troops board the carriers and tried not to squint. He didn't think his men would be very impressed by a general who squinted.
Cody gave him a sharp, respectful nod as he marched by, and Obi-Wan could feel the Clone Commander's loyalty to, and concern for, his Jedi General.
Obi-Wan shook his head in exasperation even as he was warmed by the other man's regard. It was an honor to have a man such as Cody for a friend. Although, if the Clone Commander had his way, his general would be entirely covered in armor and not even allowed near a battlefield. The man was a worrier.
"Obi-Wan."
The Jedi Master turned. Anakin stood in the shadows of the walkway with a troubled expression on his face, hair wilder than usual, and eyes heavy with sleeplessness.
Obi-Wan moved towards his former padawan, wanting to reach out and clasp his shoulder but unsure if such a gesture would be welcome. As Obi-Wan had feared, Anakin hadn't taken to his new assignment by the Council to spy on the Chancellor – or his appointment to their ranks without the title of Master – well.
Obi-Wan felt Anakin's anger, directed even towards him, leaking out from under the Jedi Knight's powerful shields.
Anakin never shielded, at least not from Obi-Wan, but he was shielding now. The only things which escaped were occasional spikes of anger and fear. Moreover, since their return to Coruscant, Anakin had spent every moment of personal time with Padmé.
Or at least so Obi-Wan presumed since he left the Temple in the direction of the Senatorial apartments every night.
Obi-Wan wasn't jealous. He loved Anakin…he was in love with Anakin. He, Obi-Wan Kenobi, was in love with Anakin Skywalker and his heart still pounded every time he realized this fact anew. So, whatever made Anakin happy, whatever gave him peace and comfort, had Obi-Wan's full support. But he had thought…
Well, never mind that now.
Obi-Wan acknowledged his feelings of regret and disappointed hope but didn't allow them to rule him. He reached out in the Force, sending feelings of comfort and the joy he felt at Anakin's presence to the younger man across their bond; not trying to pry through Anakin's shields, just wrapping him in warmth.
To Obi-Wan's relief, Anakin visibly relaxed, an almost-smile hovering on his lips. Those lips took on a cocky slant and those vivid blue eyes flared with amused surprise when both men realized that the Jedi Master was staring at Anakin's lips.
Obi-Wan flushed uncomfortably and hastily looked away, beginning to move slowly down the concourse. Anakin automatically kept pace with him.
"I wish I was going with you," the younger man said. "You're going to need me on this one, Master."
There was a strange shift in Anakin's voice, a desperation which Obi-Wan couldn't place.
"Oh, I agree," he said, hoping it was just Anakin's hurt pride at the Council benching him, and his usual fear for Obi-Wan's safety, which caused his Force presence to flare with something akin to despair. "Though it could turn out to just be a wild bantha chase."
Knowing Anakin for over fourteen years had caused several Tatooine sayings to creep into his speech.
The two Jedi reached the end of the causeway and Obi-Wan could see Cody hovering in the background, waiting for him. It was time to go.
"Master," Anakin said, and Obi-Wan wondered when things had grown so formal between them, as though in the past fortnight on Coruscant they had become strangers to one another. Since Dooku's defeat. Since Anakin's new responsibilities from Palpatine. Since the Council's refusal to grant him the rank of Master. Since Anakin was with Padmé once more.
"I've disappointed you," Anakin continued, sounding stilted, as though saying the words by route. But there was something else behind those words. Obi-Wan listened to the Force and waited, a patient expression on his face.
Anakin looked like he was floundering for a further explanation. "I haven't been very appreciative of your training." Obi-Wan raised both eyebrows. "I've been arrogant," Anakin admitted, "and I apologize. I've just been so frustrated with the Council."
Obi-Wan's heart lightened a little. It was rare that Anakin was able to pinpoint the source of his discontent and separate it from everything else in his life. That he knew he was frustrated with the Council and admitted it was affecting his judgment in other areas was a good first step.
Anakin was still so very young and, as Obi-Wan knew from his own history, wisdom often came with age and experience.
He smiled, feeling almost overwhelming fondness for the man standing before him. He reached out and lightly clasped his arms. "You are strong and wise, Anakin, and I am very proud of you. I have trained you since you were a small boy. I have taught you everything I know, and you have become a far greater Jedi than I could ever hope to be."
Obi-Wan had always been hesitant with praise. Anakin had been both brilliant and extraordinarily gifted growing up, and he so often knew it. But there was a time and a place to be stern and this was not it. Anakin needed to know that Obi-Wan trusted him, was proud of the person he had become, and believed in him.
He hoped it would help with whatever doubt the other man was currently going through.
Anakin smiled, his eyes lighting up in surprised joy even as a faint blush colored his cheeks. He dropped his gaze, but Obi-Wan still felt the warmth his words had caused flowing through the younger Jedi.
"But be patient," he counseled. "It will not be long before the Council makes you a Jedi Master."
Anakin nodded, accepting his words, and Obi-Wan was relieved to realize that that was the extent of the younger man's anger and despair. Anakin had always felt things deeply, been so much more emotional than his peers, that Obi-Wan was sometimes at a loss for how to help him.
Perhaps he should recall Ahsoka from Mandalore.
But Anakin's Force presence had noticeably lightened and he felt almost at peace. Obi-Wan studied him carefully – golden skin, soft curls, bright, sky-blue eyes, broad shoulders, restless hands, full lips, the brilliant glow of his presence in the Force, and the bond between them – everything that made him Anakin Skywalker.
For a moment Obi-Wan drank in that familiar visage, dearer to him than any other, and he hesitated, wondering what Anakin would do if he reached out and threaded his hands through those unruly curls, if he just tugged Anakin to him, kissed all his fear away.
I love you, he thought, as his heart pounded, and his stomach clenched with so much want and subsequent fear of rejection that he felt sick.
Padmé, he told himself. Anakin has made his choice. It was clear.
And Cody was still standing there, watching them both from a respectful distance.
And on Coruscant someone was always watching.
Obi-Wan nodded to his former padawan, turned and walked away. Hot, humid sunshine hit him as he moved down the walkway.
"Obi-Wan."
Anakin's voice. Calling him. Obi-Wan turned, heart lodged in his throat, wondering if somehow Anakin had heard his silent words after all. Perhaps he was calling him back to…
"May the Force be with you."
Anakin stood above him, dark robes blending in with shadow, and there was nothing in his eyes but friendship and regret. He had never sounded more like a Jedi.
Obi-Wan smiled and hoped it looked genuine. "Good-bye old friend," he said, willing any disappointment he felt, that sharp pain beginning in his chest, the nausea churning in his gut, ruthlessly away. He had been mistaken, and there was no one to blame but himself.
It had been foolish to believe that a man as young and handsome and brilliantly-promising as Anakin, who had a beautiful Senator for a lover, would instead give it all up to be with his former teacher, a rather boring and straight-laced, rapidly nearing middle-age, Jedi Master.
It had been a passing fancy on Anakin's part, obviously. It had been born of the hardships of war and nothing more.
"May the Force be with you," he said. You are a Jedi, he reminded himself. You swore an oath and there is no room for regret. He turned and did not look back.
Yet when he reached the waiting carrier he couldn't help but look up to the walkway, but Anakin was gone.
Foolish, he reminded himself. An old, Force-sensitive pirate woman had once held his hand, looked into his eyes, and told him with regret that he had been made for infinite sadness. Some days, Obi-Wan thought she might be right.
"General Kenobi."
Cody's voice.
"Yes, Commander?"
"There's a communication come through for you. Marked as urgent."
Obi-Wan sighed. "Put it through."
An old Corellian spacefaring hymn came to him then. The first line went, 'Farewell my own true love, farewell.' It seemed apt.
Duty had to come first. Everything else could wait, and he had done all he could. It would have to be enough.
End Notes: So, angst and some bittersweet melancholy. Obi-Wan has no idea Anakin's afraid of Padmé dying in childbirth, because Anakin doesn't tell him. So, he tries to fix what he thinks is the problem. And Anakin is, apparently, a master of the mixed message but now his wife is pregnant, so he feels even more responsibility to stay with her, even though he is drawn to both her and Obi-Wan. Sorry, it's supposed to be a holiday, but we are into 'Revenge of the Sith' now.
But who has called Obi-Wan at the last second? Stay tuned.
It was rather difficult to meld the dialogue from 'Revenge of the Sith' into this chapter and hopefully it came out alright. I was analyzing all the little cues from Anakin and Obi-Wan's last scene as friends in the movie again. I love all the symbolism and parallels in it, even as I'm just yelling at Anakin to tell Obi-Wan what the real problem is.