Disclaimer: I don't own it, I just ship it
Warning: AU, strong language, boy x boy pairings, violence (more so bullying in the beginning), and because this was inspired by the manga Iris Zero, there may be some minor spoilers for it.
Another Host Club Chapter, another 20 or so pages of craziness…
oOo
The Vargas twins had arrived home after the Host Club and realized they were in need of some last-minute dinner supplies. Feliciano was on his way out to pick up the groceries when Romulus walked in, asking Lovino (who was shoving his coffee-scented uniform into the washing machine) to go with his little brother. The older boy was annoyed their Nonno thought he still had to practically hold Feli's hand and remind him to look both ways before crossing the street. In the end, he tossed on a shirt that wasn't covered in coffee stains and followed his fratello out the door with a grumble.
The convenience store was only a short walk away and always smelled like fresh bread and roast beef. Feliciano took a basket to grab the things they needed, while Lovino paged through a magazine. The tsundere could care less about which celebrity was engaged, who was caught cheating with their ex, and who was arrested for having a cocaine-snorting contest with an aardvark...he truly was in it for the recipes. He'd never admit it, but lately he was finding himself flipping through the 'traditional' American recipes more often. Lovino's mind had absently wandered off to thoughts of Alfred and what kind of meals he'd like…
N-Not that I'd ever bother to make this sort of thing for him! It's not like I care about—ooh, that apple pie looks good…
Feliciano had been picking up the items on his grocery list while humming a song about tomatoes he and his brother made up as kids. Once he had everything he needed, it was time to return to his brother. The amber-eyed boy had been extra-fast, so he didn't keep his fratello waiting too long. Before he made it back to the magazine rack he left him at, Feliciano caught some middle-aged ladies huddled together, gossiping about Lovino from a distance.
"That's him! The Vargas curse!" one hissed.
"So, that's the boy?"
"Yes, I still remember him from Carmen's funeral…" nodded the tallest. "You know, Carmen might still be alive if they'd done the sensible thing and put the Iris Zero up for adoption when they got the news."
"I hear he was there when she died…"
"Rotten child, I bet he was the reason she died!"
Feliciano felt his face grow hot and tightened his grip on the basket. The cheap plastic handle started to crack under his fingers. He took a deep breath and reapplied his trademark smile to his face. Pulling the egg carton out as if to inspect it, Feli made his way over to the women.
"Scusi~!" he barged through the pack of gossipers, covering them with the eggs he was carrying. None of the ladies were particularly pleased with the turn of events.
"These shoes were brand new!"
"There's egg in my hair!"
"Watch where you're going!"
Feliciano merely picked up an eggshell to examine.
"Ve…They seemed fresh, but I guess they're not the only rotten thing in this store," he smiled innocently, but gave them a dark look that lasted until a clerk ran over. Feli spun around to apologize to the teenager. "Sorry about the mess…Poor eggs…"
"What happened over here?" Lovino walked over at the sound of the commotion.
"I'm sorry, fratello! I dropped the eggs!" Feliciano giggled, hugging him.
"On accident?"
"I never said that," he replied, nonchalantly walking over to the checkout. "Hurry, fratello! Or Nonno will get worried!"
oOo
Lunch time rolled around the next day, finding Matthew and Gilbert at the BTT's table. The blonde had made his boyfriend a special lunch. It was his first attempt at making potato pancakes, however it seemed like a success. Gilbert declared them awesome and thanked Matthew with a kiss. His timing couldn't have been worse. A short distance away, Alfred walked by on his way to meet Lovino for lunch, spotting the albino slobbering all over his twin bro. Needless to say, he was not amused.
"Get your mitts off my innocent brother, already!" the taller blonde threatened, stomping over.
Matthew sighed. He's hardly an 'innocent' brother…
"We're dating, so it's perfectly normal for me to kiss Birdie!" argued the albino, wrapping his arms around Matthew's waist.
Alfred loomed in, annoyed that Gilbert wasn't taking the hint. The self-proclaimed Prussian was unwilling to back down and stood up, to meet the angry blonde, eye to eye.
"I don't care what you think of me, Matthew's opinion is the only one I need," Gilbert growled. "If you still don't like it, too damned bad. I'm willing to fight for him."
"Oh, yeah?"
"Stop it, both of you!" Matthew stood between them, fed up with their behavior. "You're both being ridiculous and I've had enough of it!"
Both stared at him. Matthew was…yelling at them? Before they could wrap their tiny brains around that concept, the wavy-haired boy continued his barrage.
"Neither of you bothered to realize how much work I've put into helping you get along!" he crossed his arms angrily. "You're too caught up in yourselves to even notice!"
"That's not true!" Alfred interrupted. "I've totally been paying attention to—"
"—Everyone and everything else around you," his twin cut in. "With Student Council, Homecoming, and screwing up your own dysfunctional relationships, you only pay attention to me when it's convenient!"
Alfred was speechless. Stabbed in the gut and speechless.
"You claim you only have my best interest in mind, but you only look this way when there's an excuse to chew out Gil," Matthew fumed. "It didn't matter that I went the extra mile by slowly introducing him to you and making us a delicious home-cooked family meal!"
"I think that's awesome, for the record," Gilbert put in.
"And then there's that," the not-so-timid blonde turned to face his boyfriend. "Let me tell you something, if everything is 'awesome' and there is no 'un-awesome,' then 'awesome' by definition is just 'mediocre!'"
Gilbert somehow managed to look even paler. Matthew kept putting them in their places unrelentingly.
"Al, you need to realize I'm strong enough to make my own decisions about who I date," he crossed his arms. "And Gil, you need to find a different way to prove you love me that doesn't involve violence or threats."
Both boys looked down at their shoes, ashamed.
"You both need to find a way to get along or I'll punish you accordingly…" he warned them, grabbing his bag, and walking away.
Alfred bit his lip to keep himself from saying anything else. Gilbert pressed his mouth in a tight line, not wanting to make this any worse than it already was. It was kind of a relief Matthew had marched off. Neither boy wanted to hug it out or otherwise show him they could get along, when they seriously doubted they could even stand being a few feet away from each other. They settled on glaring at each other and drifted away, neither willing to admit how worried Matthew's threat was making them. It's not like Mattie sweet-as-syrup Williams would ever make good on a threat like that!
...Right?
oOo
Francis may or may not have felt like the scum of the earth after realizing that yesterday he was partially at fault for interrupting what looked like a confession of love from Alfred to Lovino. Had he known what was going on before it was too late, the blonde would have steered his lovely, argumentative boyfriend away from the lovebirds and let fate run its course. But he didn't and ended up ruining one of Alfred's most heroic moments. Francis decided to make up for it, he would try to help the two get together ASAP. How did he plan to go about that?
By pestering Lovino.
"Wouldn't you like to know where your attraction arrow is pointing?" Francis was grilling the Commissioner on their way to the Host Club.
"It's none of your business, Iris or not."
"But I—"
"Don't you have British bastards to grope? Go bother someone else, already…" Lovino shot back, as they rounded the corner and spotted a large freshman picking on some of his classmates. Lovino couldn't remember his name, but knew his face. This guy had transferred into World Academy thanks in part to a generous 'donation' his family had made. Before this, he got kicked out of three different schools for fighting. Truly a model student if there ever was one.
Normally, Lovino would take a moment to come up with some kind of plan to ensure the least amount of violence. Something that would guarantee everybody (or at the very least, the bully victims and himself) walked away without a scratch. Francis managed to foul that up by racing over to blindly intervene. If he had been as heroic as his actions, everything would have been fine.
Except he wasn't and ended up dragging Lovino along for the ride.
"Brutus!" he scolded the younger boy (who still towered over him through what had to of been crazy ape genetics or steroids). "You stop that this instant!"
Not surprisingly, the brute didn't take them seriously.
"You're joking, right?"
"The only laughable thing here is your bowl-cut!" Francis gestured to the boy's hair and rested his hands on his hips, flashing his badge while he was at it. "We're on the Police Force! Leave them alone or you'll regret it!"
"Yeah, right. You guys aren't shit!" the humongous boy bellowed. "Everybody knows Antonio and Gilbert are the actual muscle of the Police Force!"
Francis winced. As much as he hated to admit it, the guy had a point. Luckily, he had managed to buy Lovino enough time to come up with a plan.
"Alright, you three are free to go," the Italian ignored Brutus and motioned for the other students to leave. They quickly took him up on the offer.
"Whaddaya think you're doing?" Brutus scowled at him.
"Did I give you permission to speak?" Lovino snarled right back. He wasn't going to let this guy intimidate him. The second he showed any fear, it was over.
"W-What?!" the bully scrunched up his face, trying to process the fact that someone had just talked back to him.
"Francis, who's this guy dating?" Lovino glanced over his shoulder at the French boy.
"Penelope Pular. I saw his affection arrow point to her yesterday," Francis answered, still unsure where his boss-of-sorts was going with this.
"And how about her arrow?"
"Flickering between him and Arthur," the blond smirked, catching on. "That's why I noticed."
"I see," Lovino took something out of his pocket and turned back to the bastard son of King Kong. "Do you know what these are?"
"…Pieces of paper?" Brutus squinted.
"Pieces of paper containing Host Club coupons that I have just made up. If I write them out, they will be official," the brunette grinned evilly. "It would be a shame if your girlfriend happened to receive them and got to spend an hour with Arthur for free. I hear she just loves English accents."
"You wouldn't," Brutus paled slightly.
"Oh, but I would."
"Trust me, you don't want to make Commissioner Vargas angry," Francis popped up next to the giant freshman. "If you don't do what he says, he might even give her multiple coupons… Tsk…and here you and Penelope just got together and everything…"
"Okay! Okay! I'll stop messing with them! Just keep those coupons far away from my girlfriend!"
"Good choice, bastardo," Lovino tucked the coupons away. "Just remember, we've got eyes on you."
Brutus nodded and took off down the hallway.
"Well, that worked out well!" smiled Francis.
"I guess."
"We make a good team!" the blonde patted his shoulder.
"Don't touch me."
From the row of lockers lining the intersecting hallway, Antonio walked over. He had caught the last bit of the exchange, but hung back long enough to see how things would play out. Neither Lovino or Francis had a Grim near them, so he figured they'd be okay. What he didn't expect was for them to succeed as well as they did.
"Did you two just Good Cop/Bad Cop that guy?!"
oOo
Today was a special day for the temporary Host Club – Homecoming Tribute day! To honor this momentous (and definitely not money-grubbing) occasion, all of the hosts wore their Homecoming costumes. Francis was allowed to be an exception and wore what he would have if he hadn't lost the bet. This was to bring in more fans, give him an ego boost, and prevent Arthur from dragging him off to a dark closet for Snogfest 2014.
Under Manager Honda's watchful eye, everything proceeded according to plan…except for Alfred. The blonde was nearly decapitated by Kiku for being three minutes late (apparently he'd lost his phone…again). Alfred did what any normal guy in his position would do and hid behind someone else until Kiku stopped looking so scary. This person was Lovino, who wasn't super-excited to have Kiku's wrath directed his way.
"W-Whoa!" Lovino tried to sound surprised and not terrified, as he pointed behind the samurai. "Is that the Bad Touch Trio trying to mess with the robot attachments you brought in for display?"
The distraction worked and Kiku left to attend other matters…katana in hand.
"Dude, you are seriously the best!" Alfred hugged the Italian, nuzzling his hair. "You just saved my life!"
"W-Well, don't let it happen again," his frown barely managed to hide his concern. "I might not be there to save you next time."
Alfred reluctantly pulled away as the customers began entering the room. The crowd was greeted by Francis, clad in his blue justacorps jacket and fancy hat, as he happily announced today's theme. He was so glad it didn't go to waste after all the effort he put into piecing it together. The wavy-haired boy ignored his two best friends booing him from the sidelines, complaining he still should have had to wear the maid uniform. Several members of the crowd agreed.
Kiku was walking the fine line between cute and potentially dangerous with his navy blue kimono, pinstriped hakama and all too real-looking sword. Roderich looked ready for a night at the opera in his elegant formalwear (and a cravat large enough to hide a small child). Ludwig was very grateful the school had air-conditioning with all the layers he had on. For some reason, he could hear several of his frequent customers chant "HRE…HRE…" whenever he was near. The German still wasn't sure what that meant exactly. His older brother had also gone all out and was wearing his Teutonic Knights armor and tunic once more. Beside him was his Spanish friend, who looked so natural in his torero uniform, one would expect him to fight bulls on the weekends as a hobby. His cousin, Lovino, also fit his costume so perfectly; it was as if he had walked out of the pages of an ancient Roman history book. Where there was Lovino, there was also Alfred. Today, the cowboy completed his look by adding a sultry Southern accent to his repertoire. He also made great use of all the spaghetti western films he'd grown up watching, quoting them with ease. King Arthur had been planning on using a royal accent himself, but didn't want anyone to think he was copying his redneck cousin, so he just settled on looking regal in his flowing cape and golden crown. The instant all of the Hosts lined up to greet everyone in all of their Homecoming glory, at least a dozen bidding wars erupted.
Not one to miss out on the action, the SHIP club used the opportunity to sell some merchandise of each host right under Roderich's nose. With Kiku more occupied with appointments today, Elizabeta handled the majority of the transactions. For all of Roderich's untrusting nature and all his girlfriend's hardcore fangirl tendencies, he somehow never suspected her of doing anything but providing moral support from afar. Sucker.
Alfred, dressed as a cowboy from head to toe, ditched his card tricks for lasso tricks today. He greeted his table of four and told them he could lasso the most feisty creature in all creation. They eagerly watched him as he spun the rope over his head. After several rotations (and a loud yeehaw) he let it fly halfway across the room…where it encircled a certain tsundere.
"Che cazzo?!" Lovino yelled, thinking they were under attack. He managed to spin around, ready to face whatever terrorist had infiltrated the room and was met with a giant hug. What the hell kind of terrorist went around hugging people?
"Aww, no hard feelings, Lovi!" Alfred quickly untied him. "My table bet me I couldn't lasso the feistiest person in the room!"
"I fucking hate you!" the brunette roared.
"Ahaha! Love you too, Lovi!" the cowboy smiled. It wavered ever so slightly as Lovino stormed off. He secured his lasso to his belt and muttered to himself. "…You just don't know how much."
oOo
Not to be outdone in the category of Random and Crazy Theatrics, Antonio demonstrated his bullfighting skills on the opposite side of the room. All it took was provoking an angry Roderich enough to charge him by suggesting that the Austrian had more anal-retentive issues than a dog in a yard filled with half-buried holes.
"The word you're looking for is 'meticulous,' you dimwitted, poor excuse of a human being!"
"I bet you look over every item on your account statements, just to double-check the bank's math!" a smiling Antonio only egged him on.
"That does it! You're dead!" Roderich angrily charged at the brave torero.
The Raging Roderich missed his mark and clumsily stumbled through the red cloth and into the wall. Antonio struck a dramatic pose and bowed for his table. The group of five girls wildly cheered for him, several shouting "Olé!"
Not far away at Table #4, Arthur had finally given up trying to sit down with his sword, so he propped it against the table instead. All of the customers took turns admiring it, but one took a special interest in it.
"Your costume is my favorite, Arthur," she smiled. "It reminds me of an old Doctor Who episode…"
"Ooh, you're right!" her friend chipped in. "The episodes he travels to the past are my favorites!"
"Y-You know about the Doctor…?" Arther squeaked, as his green eyes began to sparkle and he desperately tried not to let his inner-fanboy out.
His guests tried not to squeal about how adorable he looked and nodded. Arthur then started rapidly chatting about the Doctor, his companions, noteworthy scenes, and how much he hated the Love & Monsters episode, despite all the good quotes that came from it. Some of his customers kept up, while others passed out in sheer bliss.
In an odd change of pace, Kiku found he actually had to pull a Host away from the customers when their time was up.
Nearby, Lovino sat at a table with four other students – three girls and a boy from his grade (well, technically, two girls, one boy, and one cross-dresser, but who was he to judge?) He was a little confused why they were there, since they only shared one or two classes and weren't exactly friends. Sure enough, one of the girls looked like she'd much rather be somewhere else. Lovino awkwardly brought them their drink order, setting everything out in front of each person. He had been trying to figure out what to talk to them about for the next twenty minutes, but the girl in the middle saved him the trouble.
"So, is it true you can figure out any person's Iris?" the curly-haired brunette asked.
"What?"
"Like what you did with Gilbert!" the vaguely-familiar boy-girl with shoulder-length blonde hair explained. "I, like, heard you figured out his Iris when even Alfred couldn't!"
"Where'd you hear that?" Lovino felt himself blush a bit. He didn't think many knew about that.
"Feliciano and I are totally besties!"
"Oh, right."
Lovino had forgotten that his brother and Feliks shared a few fashion classes together over the years. He didn't know they were best friends, but he had never really asked, either. The guests picked up on this and started having their doubts. If Lovino didn't even know his brother's own friends, was he really as observant as people claimed?
"So…how do you do it?" the curly-haired girl asked, curiously. "Figure out a person's Iris, I mean…"
"Well…I usually just analyze people and look for a couple of general observations that point to one thing or another…" he brushed a strand of hair out of his green eyes. It was somewhat difficult to explain his particular process.
"So if we let you ask us questions and answer honestly, you could figure out our Irises?"
Lovino thought about it. Typically, he relied on seeing how the person interacted with other people and their surroundings. If the person didn't know they were under observation, they acted naturally. He rarely got an honest answer out of people (especially since most people avoided or lied to him), but if the four at the table were willing to tell him the truth, he might be able to do it by asking the right questions.
"Maybe…I don't really know any of you that well, but I could give it a shot if you want."
"Ooh, ooh! I wanna go first!" Feliks clapped his hands together. "Ask away!"
"How old were you when you realized what your Iris did?"
"Umm…I think I was seven or eight…"
"Does your Iris have to do with something related to just humans?"
"Duh!" Feliks laughed. "What kind of a question is that?"
His companions facepalmed. Apparently, their fashionable friend had forgotten that other Irises could see information about humans, other animals, or even plants. A few rare Irises could go as far as analyzing non-living things. The Italian brushed off Feliks's comment and continued.
"Do you like your Iris?"
"Totally!"
"Does it help you at school?"
"Yep!"
"Does it help you at home?"
"Not really…unless I'm working on a project."
"Does it help you with the Fashion club?"
"Yes."
"Does your Iris involve clothing?"
"Yeah!"
"When you're working on fashion projects, what tools do you use the most?"
"My beautiful brain, sewing machine, fabric, thread…um, my computer and patterns."
"What tools do you use the least?"
"Hmm…other people's opinions, second-rate materials, and measuring tape!" he laughed.
"One more question," Lovino took a sip of coffee and tried to maintain a straight face. "What's Ludwig's dress size?"
For a split-second, Feliks stared at him in shock. He then joined the rest of the table in laughter. They only got louder when the blonde managed to answer "52!" going by the Italian standard for a XL size of 16 in the States (Feliks wasn't sure if it was because his mother was part-American or not, but for some reason the dress sizes he saw were the US equivalents. With enough practice, he was able to learn how to convert one country's sizing standard to another and could now do it in a flash). None of them could resist offering up elaborate ideas for Feliks to use in making Ludwig a fancy party dress, now that they had this valuable information. Eventually, the fashionista brought the conversation back to Lovino's mad analysis skills.
"Seriously, you are good!" the Polish student giggled. "I still can't believe you totally figured it out so fast!"
"That didn't even take ten questions!" the long-haired blonde agreed. She seemed to be a lot less anxious now than when she first sat down. Apparently the thought of Ludwig prancing around in a lacy evening gown brought out the best in everyone.
"How did you know I can see dress sizes? Did Feliciano tell you?"
"No, you did when you told me you prefer to work without measuring tape," Lovino explained. "Back when you and the crazy Hungarian were forcing me into trench coats, you used measuring tape because you needed it to be accurate. If your Iris was sizing-related, it would have to be something that didn't involve any of the measurements you took that day…And I'm pretty sure you didn't measure me for a dress."
Not wanting to give away all his secrets, the Commissioner neglected to tell them another clue was Felik's age when he realized what his Iris did. Most kids with letter or number-based Irises didn't learn what they were until they started school and learned how to read and count. Until then, the floating numbers and letters meant nothing. Clothing sizes were a tricky concept, so it made sense that Feliks was even older than most upon learning the function of his Iris.
The table applauded him and argued over who got to go next. Through a series of questions, Lovino was able to guess all of them correctly. Each guest was amazed that he could start out asking the same two or three first questions and then narrow it down so quickly. Toris's Iris identification took the longest at twelve questions while the other three were done in under ten. The group was impressed to say the least.
"Whoa…I don't think Toris, like, even told anyone besides us and his family what his Iris is!" Feliks exclaimed.
"Th-That's because it's embarrassing…" the boy replied, covering his face with a hand.
He had mixed feelings about another person knowing he could see any living thing's greatest fear. Toris's Iris was also the reason he felt like such a scaredy cat. Living in a world surrounded by terrifying images was no easy task, even if some fears were more humorous than frightening. Toris tried to focus on those to keep from looking like a coward. The last thing he needed was for someone to exploit that.
"Well, you don't have to worry about me blabbing your secret," Lovino shrugged.
"Really? You promise?"
"I'm an Iris Zero," he rolled his eyes. "Who the hell would even listen to me?"
"Oh, right…" Toris scratched the back of his neck apologetically. "Sorry."
"Cheh…and you thought I was dense for not knowing every single one of my idiot brother's friends…"
Not long after, the four customers had to leave. They said they were excited to come back with more of their friends to see if the Italian could guess their Irises too. Lovino just nodded and forced a smile. He was grateful for the business, but couldn't help but feel like some kind of carnival attraction instead of a Host.
Once they left, Lovino had a small break before his next appointment. He passed Kiku on his way to the coffee machine. The Japanese boy barely noticed him. He was too busy writing something on his clipboard to notice much of anything.
"What are you writing about so intently, rice bastard?" Lovino asked.
"Oh, nothing important…" Kiku chuckled, walking away briskly.
"Well, that can't be good…"
oOo
During a quick break between appointments, Alfred managed to chat with Lovino. He wanted to make the most of the time they had together, so he asked his friend to help him work on his southern accent. Alfred insisted it would help him be more 'in-character' given his cowboy costume.
"C'mon, you'll help me out, right Lovino?"
"I guess I had nothing better to do," the toga-clad student shrugged.
"Thanks, darlin,'" Alfred winked, beginning to flirt with him.
"Whatever, stronzo."
"What? You think I'm all hat and no cattle?"
"I think you're an idiot."
"Careful, Lovino…" the cowboy gently cupped his cheek. "I got a mind to take you someplace far away if you keep tryin' to squeeze your way into my heart…"
"Your persuasion needs work," the Italian broke away from the hold Alfred had on him. He wasn't about to let the idiota catch him blushing.
"Honey, I could talk a cat out of a tree."
Lovino scoffed, but he was starting to think Alfred might be right. The Italian was quickly discovering a strange liking for Alfred's new accent. He couldn't even will himself to ask the blonde to stop. What the hell was going on? Lovino was starting to believe that The South was a magical land where the tea was sweet and the drawl was sweeter.
"I saw you fixin' cappuccinos earlier," Alfred carried on happily. "They looked awfully good. Think you could teach me how to make them like you?"
"Fine, just…"
"Just what?"
"Never mind!"
The duo made their way to the kitchen area of the room. A temporary wall/barrier had been built to hide all the secret ingredients and machines the Hosts used to make their drinks and desserts. Alfred opened the door for Lovino, who gave him another look.
"You know I'm fully capable of opening doors for myself, dammit."
"Oh, I know you can. I just don't think you should have to."
Lovino cursed the blonde's southern charm and went about gathering all the ingredients needed to make a decent cappuccino. He began walking Alfred through the initial steps in front of the espresso machine, starting with preparing the shot and steaming the milk. Once the espresso was poured and the milk was ready, he showed the American how to add more texture to the milk by swirling it around and gently shaking it.
"Just don't splatter it all over," Lovino warned him. "It's not unbearably hot, but it could still burn you."
"Got it."
The coffee master then showed his disciple the simple trick of making the foam resemble a heart by pouring the milk in two steps, instead of just one. The Italian explained one could make all kinds of designs, but the foam heart is relatively easy and works well, given the Host Club environment. Since Alfred was new at this, he should probably stick with what he could actually do.
"Think you understand, cowboy bastard?"
"Course I do," he grinned back, blue eyes twinkling. "Bein' able to talk to someone like you is my favorite part of the day."
"I didn't realize you were such a flirt," the Italian rolled his eyes.
"Good manners are so rare to come by nowadays that folks go an' mistake it for flirtin'."
"So…you're not flirting with me, then?" Lovino ignored the tiny part of him that felt like it had been kicked, shot, and trampled.
Alfred grinned again. Lovino shook his head.
"You are one confusing bastard."
After teaching Alfred how to make the perfect cappuccino, he had the cowboy try to make a few on his own. Alfred was quiet as he focused on remembering all the steps. Lovino wasn't sure if he just wanted to give orders or hear more of that smooth, cowboy drawl, but whatever it was caused him to break the silence several times.
"Wait, don't forget to—"
"Steam the milk before brewing the coffee because steamed milk lasts longer than fresh espresso," he repeated his teacher's words. "Darlin' I know. It's not my first rodeo…"
"Well, aren't you confident?" The brunette snorted, watching the other fill the tiny coffee mug with espresso and milk.
Alfred set down the cup and grabbed his looped rope from his belt in one fluid motion. Keeping a hand on each end, he suddenly swung it behind a very surprised Lovino to pull him into a close hug.
"Courage is being scared to death, but saddling up anyway," he smirked, busting out one of his favorite John Wayne quotes.
"W-What are you doing?" Lovino felt his face heat up again. He could feel the blonde's breath tickle his ear, sending shivers down his spine. It didn't make sense…how could he feel hot and cold at the same time? Why did logic always get tossed out the window when Alfred was involved? Lovino hadn't been this close to him since Homecoming – a night he loved to remember, but wished he could forget. "W-Well?"
"Thanking you for all your help."
"You can do that without hugging me, dammit!"
Alfred only tightened his hold on the brunette. He wasn't ready to let go quite yet. The Italian fit so perfectly in his arms. Alfred was too content to move now…why should he? Wrapped up in each other's embrace was the place they both belonged and nobody could convince him otherwise.
People had often described Lovino as a ticking time bomb, but he was really more like the sun. Aside from the obvious hot factor, Lovi was warm, brimming with energy, and made Alfred feel like a sun-starved plant the way he was drawn to him. Also like the sun, it was best to stay on Lovino's good side or risk getting burned.
"Oi, are you even listening to me, bastardo?"
"Hmm. Let's flip a coin, sweetheart," Alfred pulled out a quarter, his hands brushing against the soft fabric making up his Italian's toga. "Heads – you're mine. Tails – I'm yours."
Lovino started to wonder if this was still about coffee anymore.
"D-Did you really need help with your accent?"
Unbeknownst to the couple, they were not alone. In the darkest depths of the room there was a shadow. Only one born in darkness could move with darkness and carry out any task presented to him.
This shadow's name was Kiku.
Kiku, ninja extraordinaire, had sneakily taken a video of the mini-training session. It was going straight into the SHIP club's private collection the second he got a chance to upload it. Truth be told, he was more than a little sad when he had to interrupt the scene to inform the two they had customers. He knew that if he didn't fetch them, Roderich would. Depending on how well the boys cooperated for their supervisor, things would either go smoothly or the Austrian would go out of his way to keep them separated during breaks. If that happened, it would only be a matter of time before either Alfred stampeded through the room on a herd of rocking horses or Lovino ordered his police officers to execute Roderich…which all three would willingly do in a heartbeat.
So, Kiku grit his teeth and told the two Hosts they were needed in front for appointments. He did his job, but he didn't enjoy it. Why, oh, why weren't more customers requesting the two of them together more often? It was such a shame…
oOo
Lovino had mixed feelings about being pulled away from a surprisingly flirtatious Alfred. On one hand, he was relieved his heart had resumed beating at a normal pace and he didn't have his brain screaming ten thousand things at him each second. However, he had to admit he missed the warmth coming from both Alfred's words and touch. Lovino was having a difficult time wrestling with the way the cowboy was making him feel. The harder he tried to push those thoughts away, the more stubbornly they held on and flared up when he least expected it. There was no logic to it, no easy answer he could draw and handle. Maybe his brain was broken? The tsundere only grew more confused when he saw his next customer.
"Hello, Lovino…" came a soft-spoken voice.
"Matthew?"
"Oh? You remembered?"
"Why wouldn't I?" he shrugged, sitting down.
"A lot of people forget."
"Oh…" the Italian tried to change the subject. "Any reason you requested me instead of the albino bastard or your idiot brother?"
"I'm teaching them a lesson…" Matthew smiled slowly. "But also because I consider you a friend, eh."
"You can consider me whatever, but leave me out of the family drama…" Lovino crossed his arms. That was the last thing he needed in his life – more drama.
The wavy-haired boy laughed, thanked him, and further explained about how much Alfred and Gil had been fighting with each other, no matter what he did. Matthew had warned them both that they needed to get along or he'd punish them. All of his other attempts had failed, so today they were getting penalized.
Lovino had to admit he was impressed. He could tell by the few glances he snuck in that Alfred and Gilbert were getting more and more upset that Matthew wasn't visiting them. Cheh…those two can be such attention whores, sometimes…
"You're…surprisingly crafty when you put your mind to it," the toga-clad teen nodded.
"Thank you. I try."
From across the room, Alfred could only stare in shock. He didn't expect Mattie to retaliate like this. It wasn't fair that he was monopolizing his best friend like that! Sure, Alfred hadn't told anyone other than Mei about his newfound feelings for the brunette, but still…The hero was pretty sure there was a rule in the Bro Code about one bro stealing another bro's bro. Alfred frowned as Lovino and Matthew laughed about something, not even noticing he was sulking.
"Alfred, are you okay?" one of his customers asked in a worried tone.
"Oh, sorry!" the blonde tried to wave it off. "I was just a little distracted is all…"
"How could you ignore such beauties at our table?" Francis chided him (their guests had a thing for blue-eyed blondes), causing the girls to giggle. "Do not fret, princesses, I can provide you with more than enough attention…"
Alfred tried to pay attention to the customers, he really did, but it was impossible when his diabolical twin brother was taking his sweet time inspecting the wool fabric covering Lovino's arm. It was almost worse that Alfred couldn't hear what they were saying. Was Lovino telling that monster how the toga was made from Apulian wool in South Italy? That was supposed to be the best of the best as far as Italian quality went…It was also supposed to be something Lovino only told him, not Matthew. Why did he get to spend time with Lovi when Alfred himself couldn't? It was so unfair! Mean ol' Mattie knew it too! This wasn't a punishment, this was hell!
The Hero knew this was just a job for all the Hosts and shouldn't mean anything, but that was quickly changing. It was one thing to see Lovino being a gentleman to his clients, because Alfred could still see traces of the brunette's unease with the situation. It was another thing entirely to see Lovino hanging out with somebody else and enjoying himself. That's not how it was supposed to be! Lovino was never as comfortable around others as he was when he was with Alfred and maybe family. The Italian started lowering his guard around the American and that fact alone made Alfred feel happier than he had ever been (and slightly selfish, but that even that was more of a guilty pleasure).
What if Mattie's trying to steal Lovi from me? Or telling him every terrible thing I've done in my entire life to turn him against me? Or worse…flirting with him? And oh, my god, what if Lovino likes him better than me?!
"Alfred?"
That evil little bastard! How could he try to steal Lovi away from me like this?! I can't believe I used to trust him! Where did my innocent little bro go? He would never betray me like this!
"Alfred?" Francis poked the side of his head with his gloved hand. "Mon ami, are you in there?"
Lovi wouldn't intentionally do this to me, would he? The blonde furrowed his brows. There's no way he'd put me through something like this…Lovi probably doesn't even realize the danger he's in! I have to save him before it's too late!
"Y'all wanna see a lasso trick?" the cowboy asked out of the blue.
The girls expressed their interest, but Francis was worried by the uncharacteristic evil gleam in the boy's eye. Arthur got the look on occasion too…usually right before he went to fight with his older brothers or cook something.
"I'm going to lasso and hogtie the most evil creature in this room!" Alfred stood up, reaching for his rope.
"You're going to sit down and think about the consequences of that first, or I'm going to call Roderich over here," Francis grabbed the sophmore's shoulder, forcing him down into his chair again to pout.
"Wait…I thought he was going to lasso Roderich…" one of their clients whispered to another.
oOo
Gilbert didn't like seeing his Birdie so 'smiley' and 'flirty' with anyone who wasn't him. He knew neither boy was into the other, but the albino nearly shattered his cup as he watched Matthew. Lovino had apparently gotten hot tea on his hand, so the blonde was wiping it off with a cold dishcloth (ironically, this action had been because he was genuinely a nice guy, not a schemer). To make matters worse, Gilbert had been hosting Elizabeta and Mei, who knew exactly how to push his buttons.
"Oh, my god, this is priceless!" the Hungarian laughed. "You're so jealous, you're starting to turn green!"
"Shut up, I am not!"
"Are too!"
"Are not!"
Their argument somehow devolved into the same one they'd had since childhood. It pained him to admit it, but Gilbert had never managed to win a fight with Elizabeta and the brunette only grew sneakier and sneakier from them.
"You are too, and I can prove it," she grinned mischievously, waving Kiku over. "Hi, Kiku. I'd like to pay to extend Gilbert's time with us here."
She reached into her purse and Kiku nodded, making a note on his clipboard.
"Certainly," he accepted the payment. "You may have 15 more minutes."
"Why the hell would you do that you evil bitch?!" Gil snarled at her.
"I want to watch you squirm."
"You are the most wicked person on the face of the Earth…"
"Not quite…" she motioned to Mei and both took out their purses. "Kiku, I'd like to make a donation to extend Matthew's time with Lovino too."
Gilbert was flabbergasted.
"It's not my OTP, but it's good footage…" she grinned (although her camera was on Gilbert, not the other boys).
Mei happily agreed with her camera in hand. She had been toying around with the idea of giving Prince Merikano a long-lost brother in her doujinshi. Gilbert was ready to explode and only succeeded in getting scolded by Kiku.
oOo
The second they got the chance, Alfred and Gilbert confronted Matthew. The Hero latched onto Lovino, pulling him away from his brother's clutches. Likewise, Gilbert tugged Matthew in the opposite direction, holding him almost territorially.
"You know why this happened right?" Matthew asked, wanting to make sure both had learned their lesson.
"Yeah! Because you can't keep your flirty Italian away from my innocent Birdie!" the albino angrily pointed to Alfred.
"Don't drag me into this!" Lovino snapped, in the middle of trying to pry Alfred off of him.
"Yeah, you leave my flirty Italian out of this!" the blue-eyed boy came to his defense.
"Guys…" Matthew frowned.
They winced. That was his warning tone. Most of the time it was reserved for hosers and people who spoke during a hockey game. Having it used on them was not a good thing…
"It might have happened because I was acting a little overprotective…" Alfred huffed. "And maybe jumped to some conclusions because I wasn't seeing the whole picture…"
"You think?" Lovino smirked, still trapped in the blonde's arms. He might have given up struggling (it was twice as hard in a toga), but that didn't mean he had to give up on giving Alfred a hard time.
"Quiet in the peanut gallery…" Alfred squeezed the brunette.
"H-Hey!"
"And what about you?" Matthew turned to Gilbert.
"Er…I should tone down the amount of times I use my awes-really cool catchphrase around you?"
"And?"
"…And I shouldn't be so quick to defend you by threatening to knock people's teeth out…" the albino looked away, like a guilty kid. "Unless they deserve it, because if some asshole starts talking crap about you, I'm totally going to—"
"Gil!"
"He's totally going to call me and we'll both kick their ass," Alfred finished.
"Yeah, that's it." Gilbert nodded, kissing Matthew on the top of the head. "Because nobody's allowed to talk crap about you, Birdie."
Matthew sighed. He was more than capable of handling himself, but at least they were making a little progress. The crowd that formed around them started clapping as if to confirm this. He supposed it was quite the achievement for his brother and his boyfriend to have made peace, so he let the implied part about him needing their protection slide for now. They could get together and talk that issue over some other day.
When the crowd dispersed, Alfred helped Lovino carry empty tea cups to the kitchen-area of the room. He had hoped to take the opportunity to confess again. This time he made sure they were alone and out of drink-spilling range. A quick glance around the room showed Alfred all of the other Hosts were preoccupied and the majority of the customers had left for the day. The blonde made sure he and Lovino were as far away from his cousin and Francis as humanly possible.
They look like they're still arguing about Artie's baking skills…Good. That'll keep 'em busy for a solid hour at least.
He blinked when Francis gave him a thumbs-up.
Okay, that was just weird. I better get this show on the road before something weirder happens…
"H-Hey, Lovi…You know I've always lov—"
"Loviiiiiii~!" a loud voice cut him off.
"What do you want, tomato bastard?" Lovino glared at his cousin.
"Gil here said he and Alfred were able to stop fighting!" Antonio pointed to the snowy-haired boy beside him. "He said you were there, so you could prove it!"
"Who the hell cares?" the Italian crossed his arms. "Stop gossiping like a bunch of girls and get lost."
"Aw…that means yes," Antonio hunched his shoulders. Growing up with Lovino gave him a way to translate the tsundere's insults and threats. The Spaniard faced his best friend. "I'm sorry I called you a liar, amigo."
"You should be!" Gilbert huffed. "I can't believe you doubted the Awesome Me in the first place."
Alfred tried to fight the increasing urge to strangle both of them. Was he really just thwarted by two idiots again? The only thing keeping him from killing them on the spot was the big, red 'X' that appeared over their heads when Alfred asked his Iris if they were qualified to be the victims of a murder he'd get away with. Luckily, Francis resolved the situation by calling his friends over. Lovino also encouraged them to leave using the polite way he had with words.
"Sorry about that, bastard. What were you saying?" Lovino turned back towards the blonde.
"I'm saying that I've always had these feelings, but didn't know what they meant until recently. Lovino, I—"
"I'm sorry to interrupt, but we have a situation—"
"Goddammit!"
Ludwig raised an eyebrow upon his arrival. He had expected that outburst from Lovino, not Alfred. The brunette gave him a look that fell somewhere between amused and confused.
"Sorry, sorry…Carry on," sighed Alfred.
"Feliciano has consumed enough cake to push him into a sugar-high after Roderich tried to cut him off," the German explained. "Feliciano managed to hijack one of Kiku's robotic arm attachments brought for display purposes only, and is currently holding Roderich hostage."
"You've gotta be freaking kidding me…" Alfred ran a frustrated hand through his hair. He felt like crying. His life was turning into the worst sitcom ever.
"I say we let him zap the bastard."
Ludwig cleared his throat.
"Fine, fine…I'll take care of it. Go get me some pasta, potato bastard."
"Pasta?"
"Pasta beats sugar. Put the Moron Trio on it too. Tell them there's a reward if they beat you," Lovino paused for a moment. "And don't let them beat you."
Ludwig was uncertain of the plan, but perhaps it takes crazy to beat crazy. He nodded and quickly took off in the direction of the BTT.
"What are you going to do?" Alfred asked Lovino.
"Reason with the little idiot until I can bribe him with pasta," he grinned. "You coming?"
"You know it," the blonde managed to return the grin.
They spent the next 15 minutes doing hostage negotiations with Feliciano (who was doing a bang-up job of proving stubbornness was a Vargas family trait, not just something Lovino had in spades). Ludwig was able to return with pasta, which he delivered to the Police Commissioner when ordered to. Lovino was able to use the spaghetti to lure Feliciano out of the robotic arm to eat, releasing Roderich in the process. Being the good older brother he was, Lovino took his crazy sibling home before he could do any more damage. Roderich had agreed not to press charges as long as all the witnesses said he passed out from Feli's nonexistent robotic grip of doom and not distress.
oOo
Alfred was understandably a little disheartened, as he made his way home. He didn't have his Italian friend to keep him company, so he popped on his star-spangled headphones and let the music try to distract him from his dilemma. This made three times he tried to confess to Lovino, each one backfiring in a more spectacular fashion than the last. Why did it feel like the universe was out to get him?
He walked into his empty house ten minutes later, dropping his backpack by the doorway. His dad wouldn't be home to complain about it until later that night. Alfred made his way through the living room, catching his reflection in the decorative mirror. Normally, he'd turn away, but today was different. Today had been crap. Alfred gazed into the mirror, gathering his courage.
"Am I qualified to be Lovino Vargas's boyfriend?"
He initially panicked as a shape floating above his head appeared. Alfred squeezed his eyes shut. Then, taking a deep breath, slowly opened them for his answer.
He found himself staring back at an 'O'
oOo
A/N – One more Host Club chapter left. I'm amazed at how long this one got…I blame the flirty American.
Speaking of the flirty American, I wanted remind y'all that he was quoting old-fashioned Westerns, so he could get away with using a traditional Southern accent. Way back when in the States, "Western" accents developed from "Southern" accents, so they sounded similar. Nowadays…not so much.
But by far, my favorite research I did for this chapter was coming up with a dress size for Ludwig XD I just hope he doesn't feel offended if he ever hears he's an XL. He's not fat, he's just really tall! And broad-shouldered. And dress sizes weren't created with a masculine body in mind… XD
-Rajikka
Translations
Scusi – Sorry or pardon (It.)
Fratello – Brother (It.)
Stronzo – Bastard or Asshole (It.)
Tsundere – A type of character seen in anime or manga known for appearing cold or hostile, but having a hidden sweet side. "Tsun Tsun" is the aloof or irritable side, while "Dere Dere" is the lovey dovey side. (Jp.)
Bastardo – Bastard (It.)
Doujinshi – A self-published work (Jp.)
Mon ami – My friend (Fr.)
Amigo – Friend (Sp.)