Hey everyone, I'm back after 4 days of the most amazing competition, wow! I'm just delighted and feeling so positive. Thank you for the birthday messages, you're too sweet!
Ill be surprised if I have anyone left reading as I know the story isn't exactly...umm brilliant, and its all very messy at the moment, but I will start tying some bits up and now the Khanum has arrived I can really start putting key moments into play, so watch this space, the next 10 chapters are not to be missed!
But thank you all, you truly are wonderful, I'm on half term at the moment, so no school (yay) so if you have any work you'd like ME to read I'd be honoured to!
WE HAVE MENTIONS OF SELF HARMING HERE, IF YOU DO NOT LIKE: DONT READ BEYOND THE * AND START AGAIN AT THE OTHER *
Thanks again.
Enjoy!
*I sadly didn't get the ownership of POTO for my birthday*
Chapter 21-Nadir POV
I had watched in a strange ecstasy that Christine Erik had created with their beautiful voices, it was as if my body was numbed to all the cruelties of the world, and savoured fro only beautiful things, but still I noticed through hazy eyes that every head turned to face the balcony the Khanum and the Shah sat upon. Some of the politicians rose from their chairs, as they looked some of their wives turned away in horror, gasping, whilst the slacked faces of the elder men dropped in disgust. My heart stopped, the ecstasy lifted, the warmth of dreams left me and panic filled my every pore, I had seen Erik and Christine go up to the balcony. What horror was happening up there? Never had I seen the politicians share in the same disgust that normal people did, they were made emotionless due to the Shah, they knew damn well feelings were a sign of weakness, but now as I looked at the horrified faces I realised that I needed to get to Erik and fast.
I ran with my eyes still fixated on the balcony which all the eyes focused on, even the dancers in the sand square had stopped, muttering to one another, wondering and worrying why they were being ignored. A sweat began to trickle down my back, as I twisted through people getting ready to entertain next, I could see the steps now, my heart thundering, as I heard the Khanum's sickening laugh filled my every sense, it made my eyes shut, as it appeared to rattle my bones, filling my stomach with dread. I prayed to Allah, that the Khanum hadn't asked of Erik what I thought she might have. I prayed with all my might.
I had realised with what felt like the collapsing of my stomach that the Khanum would wish to see Erik's face. That the mask would only entice her, to her it would be a mystery she would wish to have explained, it would tickle her fancy more so. I knew this would push Erik over the edge. I had not realised just how vunerable he was until the day he had seen the cage again, I had then realised the harsh reality of this boy's life, a past he could never escape, a future already haunted.
And the key to all of that was his face, his damn face. The boy was strange, twisted, testy, and crazy at times, he drove me to insanity, but recently, I had seen another side to him. His kindness towards Christine was remarkable, the care he put into everything he did for her was astonishing, every time she entered a room he would stand as if she was a visiting princess, late at night when visiting the bathroom I would gasp at his ghostly figure that would be standing beside her bed simply watch, I knew he rarely slept, rarely left her side, that he was entirely and completely devoted to her. It was heart breaking at times, when she had fallen asleep in his arms he had flinched and panicked, when she smiled at him, his eyes would drop, when she touched him he would freeze, it all showed me his lack of human contact without pain, this was evident when he was around my son, but there was something different about Erik when was around Christine. Around Amir, he was like a young boy, the child within him was released, but around Christine his eyes shone, he was nervous and jumpy, yet strong, and it was clear that he was ready to give anything for her, as if he loved her...no, he couldn't, surely not.
I pushed these thoughts aside as was now stood facing the large sandy stairs leading to the balcony, I stood panting, the heads now turned away from the Shah and the Khanum, now fixated again on the dancer's who looked pale faced and petrified. Two guard's stood before me on the stairs, they looked at me curiously, what was I to do? The looks on their faces showed me I would not simply be walking past and up to the balcony.
'What do you want Khan?' One of the guards snarled, his face dripping with sweat from beneath the heavy armour head set.
'I need to get up there, the Magician, he needs my help.' I spat, angered at his smirking face, he was half age, he should listen to me!
But he didn't need to move, suddenly at the top of the stairs stood Erik, he seemed to fly down the stairs, pushing the guards aside, he had something in his arms, he pulled to a stop before me, I realised it was Christine, her face was turned into Erik's panting chest slightly, but I could see the blood that ran all down her arms, her tiny white hands, and dainty chin. Erik was panting heavily, his body was tall and menacing, I could tell he was angered, Christine looked like a tiny child in his long arms which shook, and his left blue eye twitched.
'Erik, what has happened?' I asked as Erik began to walk through the palace, I struggled to keep up with him.
'This is all my fault. She will pay!' His voice was breaking, the anger ran through it, but sadness was there too. I didn't understand, I ran beside him.
'Erik, please tell me, what has happened?' I was so confused, I could see Erik held Christine ever tighter to him, as he shook, I noticed the tears rolling down his cheeks.
'She made her do it! But it was my fault! My punishment!' He screeched, his voice bouncing of every wall, echoing. I had no idea what he was talking of, but I could tell he was on the edge. That his mind was slipping into some strange darkness.
'Erik, is Christine alright?' I asked quietly, looking at her side ways, feeling sick at the blood.
'She is alive, but it's my fault!' He repeated again, looking down at Christine's tiny body. I breathed in deeply, my mind turning a thousand times over at what or who the blood had come from.
We were outside the palace now, the sweat was pouring of me, I wondered how on earth Erik was still even upright in all the dark clothing he wore. But he leapt down the steps, and beckoned the stable boy, who paled at the sight of Christine and ran coming back with Purdy who shook her beautiful mane.
'No Erik! You will be killed if they see you on her!' I began to panic, if the Shah was to see his beloved horse missing I knew there would be hell to pay.
'I do not care! I would like to see him try!' Erik screeched at me again, before placing Christine gently on to Purdy's back and leaping on behind her, and thundering through the crowded streets like a released arrow. I shook my head, worrying, wondering what on earth had happened up there. The stable boy passed me the reins to my horse; I jumped on and galloped after Erik. As I turned my horse in and out the winding streets pushing it ever harder, I let my mind wander over what could of happened. The blood was not Christine's that was clear, but then who did it belong to? I didn't know. I knew that Erik would clash with the Khanum, I knew it. But it was dangerous of him, stupid things such as taking the Shah's horse would be seen as a crime, payable by death, but that's what worried me most of all death to Erik didn't seem like a problem, he didn't seem to have normal boundaries like normal people, death to him was nothing. I reached my home, tethering up my horse, the door was barged open, I entered and heard the footsteps from up stairs.
I ran to the landing, and saw Erik with his back to me, he was twitching all over, frozen it seemed. I looked at him, his eyes fixated forward, I realised what he was looking at, Christine was now awake, but over the toilet on her knees, vomit pouring from her bloody mouth, her back was shaking heavily, her tiny body wracking with shakes, little pimples covered her white skin. Beside her sat my son, who rubbed her back with his tiny hand. I gasped and ran forward; Erik appeared to be in a state of shock.
'Baba! Make Christine better!' Amir begged on seeing me, I lifted him into my arms, crouching beside Christine. The poor girl! She was positively grey in the face, her big blue eyes scared and in pain.
'It's okay Christine, get it out of you,' I soothed her, she nodded and gagged repulsively, before the strange reddish liquid came from her mouth again, her arms shook, 'Amir, go and fetch Christine some water please.' My son nodded and staggered off in a very wonky line. I sat beside Christine now on the tiled floor; she remained heaving over the toilet, tears rolling down her cheeks making tiny tracks in the dirt and grime. I passed her a cloth.
'I'm so sorry.' She whimpered taking it from my hand panting.
'Christine, don't be sorry! Can you remember what happened?' I asked quietly, she panted, gagging again.
'She...she made me eat it...' Christine whispered, her big eyes distant, her face changed and looked petrified. 'Oh Nadir, they were so cruel! They yelled at Erik, said cruel things, then they made me eat it...the heart...' I closed my eyes, yes this was a Persian tradition, Christine's tiny stomach was probably not used to it. Tears rolled down her face, I shuffled nearer to her, her back resting against the tiles. Amir was at the door now, in his hands he held a quarter of a glass of water, no doubt the rest had been spilt in his laboured troubles, I smiled at him, which he returned, then sat on my lap.
'I'm so sorry Christine, here,' I passed her the water which she drank in a gulp.
'Do you feel better?' Amir asked worriedly. Christine gave a little smile, my sons wonky eyes took in the blood.
'A little, thank you Amir.' Her voice was quiet, as she rested her head against the wall again, her eyes looking tired.
'Come on lets get you into bed, you can rest then, you have had a trauma. When you have rested you can bathe.' I thought this sounded like a good idea, and Christine nodded in agreement, I stood up now, Christine lent against the wall, her legs shaking, Amir took her hand, I smiled at my boys kindness. I walked beside her my arms ready to catch her, but she managed to reach her room, falling into the little bed.
'Thank you Nadir.' She smiled. 'I'm so sorry for all this. Do you know where Erik is?'
It made my heart jump at the way she apologised, it showed me her fear, her sacredness, her innocence, she really didn't belong in this strange country, my own country, which was so corrupt I could barely recognise it. But I shook my head at the question of Erik's whereabouts, I watched her face drop at this.
'Baba, can I stay with Christine, I promise to look after her.' Amir tugged at my hand. Christine gave me a weak smile from the bed, I nodded, pulling the chair next to it, and lifting my son onto it, he was at a stage now where he could not climb onto chairs; the pain was far too much for him. He beamed at me, his wonky eyes glittering behind their grey coat.
'Look after her for me Amir.' I smiled, he nodded. I closed the door, sighing.
Christine had grown stronger of late, she smiled more, cried less, and over all seemed to just get on with it, she made me laugh, and was very sweet to Amir, they seemed to have a real connection, she brought light and happiness into my home, her smile, her laugh, her little sing song voice, she always wished to help, to learn, she truly was too good for this country. But as far as I could see, she would not be leaving any time soon. As I thought of her, her white skin stained with blood, of the heart she was forced to eat, it showed me quite plainly how this country, my country took innocence, and stained beauty. It made me repulsed.
I realised now the landing was empty, that I was alone. That Erik was not here. This made me panic, where was he? Why was he not with Christine? I was surprised that he hadn't been in the bathroom with her, looking after her. But no, he was not here. I walked down the stairs, my heart pace quickening, I knew Erik had this amazing ability to disappear, and took great delight in appearing from what appeared nowhere and frightening me half to death, that would cause him to laugh for many moments. But then I saw it, the door that was always locked, the one I had never dared to cross, the one I knew that led to Erik's 'room'. It now stood open. I stood before it. It was like a veil of darkness, bursts of cold air seemed to hit my face from it, shivers ran up my spine. I knew I shouldn't of, every fibre of my being told me to not to, but I took a deep breath and walked through the door, beginning my journey into darkness.
With each one of the steps, my longing to return to the light grew stronger, I did not know how it was possible to be so dark, it was compressing me, dense, thick, and cold. I clutched to the twisted banister of the steps. I was sure my eyes were deceiving me, as the heavy black became an enlightened navy; little lights seemed to dance before my eyes. I rubbed them but they were still there. I walked on, the steps seemed never ending. They stopped twisting now, warning me they were coming to their end. I suddenly stopped, as a noise met me on the steps, a sound so full of emotion, I nearly crashed to my knees, it was like listening to a soft weeping, a sadness so strong, I felt tears roll down my cheeks, even without my knowing I found myself weeping. I wiped my tears, and walked on, the light was navy all around me now, lighter and softer then the black, I came to the last steps, which ran alongside a cave like wall, in the cracks were candles, hundreds of candles, looking like captured fairies, the rest of the room I could not see. The music still surrounded me, making me walk like a person in a trance. Then the lyrics came to me, making me halt on the last step.
No one would listen
No one but her
Heard as the outcast hears.
Shamed into solitude
Shunned by the multitude
I learned to listen
In my dark my heart heard music.
Each word came with a sob, with a soft sob, and a hiss, the voice was soft and heartbreaking, as where the lyrics. I shook my head breaking the trance, this was Erik's voice. I felt my stomach drop a thousand times, realising where I was, I was in his 'room,' I wished to run back up the stairs, to pretend I had never come here, I felt like a pilgrim in a strange unholy place, a place of darkness. I walked forward, knowing the damage was done. As I walked around the corner where the steps were, I couldn't help but gasp. The strange navy was enlightened by the candles which appeared to fill every crack and gap within the walls, a large desk stood proudly covered in parchment, in prize position stood the largest piano I had ever seen, a throne like chair, black and twisted sat before it, beautiful fabrics lay on the table to the far side, where two slightly smaller chairs stood tucked into it. But despite seeing all of this, my eyes remained on one thing.
In the middle of the floor, sat Erik, his back to me, he seemed to be slouched over something, though his singing continued. His words messy and now sobs. I noticed his sleeves were rolled up, his mask discarded, he appeared not to notice me.
I longed to teach the world
Rise up and reach the world
No one would listen
I alone could hear the music
Then at last, a voice in the gloom
Seemed to cry "I hear you;
I hear your fears, Your torment and your tears."
*
I walked silently behind him, my jaw dropped, what was he doing? Then I watched in horror, as he plucked something from what he was slouched over, what I now identified as a shattered mirror, he took the sliver of silver, and raised it to his wrist, and to my horror, dug it in deeply into his white flesh. The blood poured immediately, as he carved again and again, screeching and hissing, begging to have a normal face, to be bearable to look at, calling for things from the past, staining the silver, the blood dropping onto the mirror, he sobbed louder now.
She saw my loneliness
Shared in my emptiness
No one would listen
No one but her
Heard as the outcast hears
No one would listen
No one but herHeard as the outcast hears...
He raised the mirror piece again, his wrists a bloody mess. I jumped forward in disgust. I could not watch this any longer, the floor around him was stained with blood now.
'Erik, no!' I gasped. I watched him spin around to face me. I staggered back, wincing at his face, but not only that his wrists bled, and his long fingers clenched the mirror shard threateningly, he was no longer the boy I knew. Tears rolled down the mash of flesh that was his face, his bloated upper lip pulled into a disgusted frown.
'So you came and found me.' His voice whispered, but seemed to shake my very bones. He took a step towards me, making me back up. 'You found me, and my disgustingness. It is all my fault! I deserve the pain, the damn pain!' He continued whispering, the tears rolling again, he winced dropping the shard of mirror, blood dripping to the floor. I caught his eyes, and saw not the be crazed Erik before me now, but the little boy inside of him, the angry little boy. I stopped being scared, and took a step towards him.
'Yes. Christine is worrying about you Erik. She is okay.' I said softly, he lifted his head at this, his eyes flashing.
'She doesn't worry for me, she worries for herself, around me she will only be in pain.' Erik said wincing as he flexed his hands, the blood dripping down them.
'Erik, don't say that.' I sighed, not knowing what to do. I pulled my eyes up from the blood stained shattered mirror, my stomach felt sick at the sight of it.
'Today was all my fault. All my fault. I can't have her in pain Nadir!' he was sobbing again now, and fell with a crack to his behind, up against he wall, clawing at his face, a trail of blood followed him.
'Erik, Christine doesn't blame you!' I said softly, standing before him, avoiding the bloody trail. He hissed as he clawed into his face further, blood came from his juttering cheek bones.
'Look at me Nadir! I'm a beast! I'm a beast of pain and hell! That is why I belong down here! My face, my everything I will only bring her pain!' he screeched, his voice ugly.
'Erik, stop it! You are not a beast! Christine adores you. She does not blame you for today. Not at all. You must calm yourself.' I begged, wanting to rip his hands from his face, but I was not that stupid, I knew that would only cause pain for myself. He sat for a moment his sunken eyes closed. I picked up the white mask for the floor, it was strange holding it, I notice with the jolt of my stomach that it was splattered with blood on the inside. It was obviously much too tight. It made me shudder holding it.
'Christine's voice Nadir, she is perfect. Like an angel. She is my star. She trusts me, talks to me, wants me there, asks me for help. I feel normal around her! You don't know what it's like to feel normal. To feel wanted, trusted, she looks to me for guidance. When I first saw her Nadir. I knew she was like me. Lonely, and scared. But I won't let her be like that Nadir I won't. I've been training her, tutoring her, and her voice is sublime. I will protect her even if it kills me.' he sighed pulling uis knees to his chin. 'She enlightens my dark and miserable life. When she sings I forget all this. All the hate, and I remember the good. She smiles at me Nadir, she smiles. She embraced me, she held my hand. I've needed her all my life Nadir. I've needed her to make me see what little good there is in this god for saken world.'
I asked the question I wanted to ask a thousand times, but now seemed the only time I could ask it. I knew I shouldn't of but I did.
'Do you love her Erik?' I asked quietly. He looked up at me, his mismatched eyes gleaming; I thought he might deny it.
'Yes, yes I do.' He whispered back.
My heart stopped, I knew he did. I knew it was a possibility. I closed my eyes for a moment.
'Erik-' I began.
'I know Nadir! I know what you're going to say! I'm a monster, a bloody monster, so what is the point! But I can't help it Nadir I love her! She will run when she realises what I' am!' Erik shouted frustrated.
'No, what I was going to say was be careful Erik. She is only very young, she adores you that is clear, but you have had many pains in your life, Don't let a broken heart be one too.' I said softly, passing him the mask, he placed it on, closing his eyes. I turned and walked away.
As I walked up the stairs back to the light, I felt my heart feel as though it has turned into heavy metal. I knew Erik had loved her from the first moment he had seen her, they had so much in common and Christine was beyond beautiful. But I didn't know what Christine would be like, I wouldn't tell her, no. That was for Erik to do. I rested my forehead against the wall, now finally in the light of my home. This was not an ideal situation, a no faced, angry, abused young man, who was obviously deeply in love with nothing short of a fallen angel. To top it all off they were both sentenced to serve the most wicked of all people, I felt like I wanted to sleep of at least one hundred years, I really couldn't see how this situation could work without one of them getting hurt getting hurt, either by themselves or by the two monster puppeteers who held their strings, and at any point they would be ready to get the scissors and snip the strings of fate, cascading the two young people who lived under my roof into darkness.
XXX
Christine POV
I was changed and dry after bathing in the bath Nadir had poured for me. He had filled it with strange orange substances which smelt beautiful and took away all the horrible dried blood off my skin. All I could taste was a metallic disgusting taste, my tummy growled angrily, I knew I was hungry but I never wanted to eat again. I slipped into a white cotton night gown Erik had made for me. It was light and very pretty. I wondered where Erik was, he had been beside me when the Khanum had ordered me to eat the disgusting heart. He had tried to stop them, tried to get them to allow him to eat the heart himself, he had shouted, roared, tried to get them to see reason. Just the thought of the Khanum standing over me, shouting threats of beating me, or beating my angel, made me tremble. She was the mist wicked woman ever. Surely she was a devil, some sort of creature not a person. No, person could be hat awful, surely? My vision had gone all blurry when I had been gagging on the lumps of heart; the blood had filled my mouth, as I had swallowed both the lumps and the vomit I kept gagging up. But they had threatened to beta my angel! She had told me if I did not eat it she would beat me, then him! No, I would not have it. I couldn't have let them hurt my Erik. No! He had helped me so much, when we had sung, he had been there for me, he had taken me away from this ugly place with his soft words. My vision had gone blurry, then I had fallen forward choking on the last piece of heart I had eaten, I had felt the Shah lift me up, I had been too distraught and had felt too ill to protest, but then I had felt other arms around me, soft, strong arms, and a hard muscular chest. Erik's. I knew then I was safe, and only then had I let the darkness take me.
But now, he was not here. I had not seen him; Amir and Nadir had gone out into the dusk for a ride, to enjoy each other's company. I was alone, my tummy rumbled again, I pushed my hands onto it, I never wanted to be sick again. Never. I walked down the stairs, I hated being alone. So much. The fact Nadir and Amir where together, made me jealous, Papa still had not come. I looked in all the rooms and found no sight of Erik. My Angel was not here, where was he? I felt ridiculous, expecting him to be with me always, he was a man after all he was probably doing other things, then my stomach dropped, he might of been with his lover, I felt sick just thinking of that, my Angel was so special of course he probably had a lover, someone passionate and beautiful, not like me, not a silly little girl. He deserved someone who would make him very happy.
I felt sad and sick, and very alone as I walked along the corridor, but then noticed the door to where Erik taught me was open. I looked left and right, then rushed down it, maybe my angel was here after all! As I climbed down the darkness, a hundred scenarios filled my head, what fit he Khanum had hurt my angel? What if he was in pain? I ran down the steps, making myself be brave, making myself not be scared of the dark. I wished my Angel was here, he made everything beautiful and magical, even the darkness. I was relieved when I jumped down the bottom step into the candle light. I looked around and saw my Angel, standing with his back to me, covering the shattered mirror.
My heart went all funny, and I ran to him, tapping his shoulder, and as he tuned leaping onto him, wrapping my arms around his skeletal frame.
'Oh Angel! I thought they had hurt you!' I breathed in his scent, it made me slightly dizzy, his body twitched all over, as it always did.
'Ch-Christine? Are you okay?' his voice was small and soft.
'Yes, I'm fine Erik, my tummy hurts a little. But I'm okay, are you?' I asked, letting go of him, blushing slightly, I loved saying his name, it was so beautiful. He neither nodded nor shook his head; his eyes simply looked at me widely from behind the mask.
'Are you okay my Angel?' I asked again, worriedly. I put my hand in his squeezing it, he appeared frozen. I gasped as my hand didn't touch his cold flesh, but a layer of dripping warmness, I pulled my hand back, looking at it. Gasping, I realised it was blood, I took a step back. Erik, shoved his hands behind his back.
'Angel, your bleeding!' I began to panic, snatching at his sleeve, realising it was all stained in blood.
'I will be fine.' My Angel, said quietly, he wobbled slightly on his feet.
'No, please! Angel! Come, and sit, I will help you.' I begged, pulled his dripping hand, he was twitching and flinching, I thought he might spasm like he did when he saw the sign, 'the living corpse' sign, had he seen it again? But, why was he bleeding? I didn't know. Had the Khanum done this. I dragged him to his throne like chair, he sat down, shaking all over as if in the cold, his white teeth chattering. I looked around for something to cover his wound with, there was fabric on the table, the throne chair almost moved with his shakes.
'It's okay Angel, I'm here, Christine's here.' I said quietly, trying to be brave, frantically grabbing at the fabric, and running back beside him.
*'Christine I'm fine, stop worrying.' My angel tried to stand but I sat on the arm of the chair, and pulled back his bloody sleeve, I nearly fell of backwards, in his beautiful thin wrist was several horrid slashed, deep and ruby red.' Christine, please I'm fine!' He warned.*
'No, you're not, look you're in pain. Please Angel, let me help, you've helped me so much. I promise it won't hurt; I just want to stop the bleeding. Please.' I begged, he looked at me, his eyes were large and confused, but he nodded, I lifted his wrist, wiping it gently free of blood, it hurt me to see my Angel in so much pain, he winced as I wrapped the silk around his soreness. I tucked it in, it stopped the bleeding automatically.
'Thank you Christine, truly. You are my little princess.' He spoke softly, looking at hsi now bandaged wrist.
'Who did this?' I whispered.
'It does not matter.' My Angel replied sadly, I was close to him, I could feel the twitches going through his body.
'Yes it does. Was it the Living Corpse?' I asked looking away from his eyes.
There was a moment's pause, a heavy silence, I wanted to cry, who could hurt my Angel in such a way. But then my Angel broke the silence.
'Yes, yes it was the Living Corpse.'
Thanks for reading, I hope you liked, obviously after a few days off Im a bit rusty.
But a lot happened in this chapter, sorry the settings weren't exactly grand or great, but they will be soon enough :D
Thank you all for sticking with me, if I have any of you left ahah.
Please leave your opinions they always mean a lot.
*reviewers get to have a lovely Persian bath, filled with orangey bubbles*