Chapter Twenty
Pendragon
Leaving aside the mindset he had cultivated over the years, Kiritsugu, perhaps because of the essence of the man he had originally wanted to be buried deep within him, couldn't help his palms sweating a little after Acht had dismissed him and Irisviel from the Summoning Chamber.
After all, that was the legendary scabbard of Excalibur…Avalon · The Everdistant Utopia.
Even after seeing it, he was still, admittedly, in awe.
"Are you all right? You seem a little star-struck," Irisviel couldn't help teasing.
"Ah…no, I'm fine."
And then he felt his expression harden as it occurred to him that if he were honest with himself, he was actually quite bothered by everything that scabbard embodied. After all, the thing didn't even have a scratch on it, despite its being thousands of years old. Even if it was a Conceptual Weapon….
Kiritsugu quickened his pace, trying to collect himself. "Come on. I think it's time you and I have something of a preliminary strategy meeting."
"Okay." Irisviel's tone sounded wary and uncertain.
But Kiritsugu put together almost immediately that she was reacting to the fact that he had donned the mask of the assassin. He had worn that mask when they'd first met, but since falling in love with her, marrying her, her giving birth to Ilya…he hadn't worn that mask in very long time. Even when he'd gone up against Malte, he'd clearly succeeded in hiding that mask from his wife.
Now however….
Still, he couldn't afford to make accommodations for her gentler nature. Truth be told, for Kiritsugu, in his heart, the Grail War had begun with this first step towards definitively preparing for the Summoning Ritual. With the arrival of Avalon, certain events that would culminate in Irisviel's demise had been set into motion. He couldn't let himself be betrayed by even a sliver of fragility. This was the first of crucial moments where that would be tested.
This is what I was, Iri. And I don't regret it. I can't afford to.
Then perhaps that was why he quickened his pace all the more. Even so, Irisviel did her best to keep up, maintaining a distance of at least one step behind him, and it was something like an unspoken demonstration of their solidarity to each other and to the task at hand, whatever the details said.
Once the two of them arrived at his office, Kiritsugu immediately set about starting up his laptop computer. While he did that, Irisviel moved to the window, peeking rather forlornly out at where Ilya was playing alone outside while Elke kept an eye on her. Kiritsugu paused only a moment in watching her, sharing in her melancholy. Then he forced himself to push that aside.
Inside he had to answer the whispers of the dark, cold beast.
He finished pulling up the document he had worked tirelessly over the past nine years to put together through all of his research, from his spies in the London Clock Tower, to the ones he'd had sent out to Fuyuki itself. Calling Irisviel away from the window, he printed the document off and stapled it together into a packet. Irisviel, for her part, still couldn't help marveling at the modern miracle that was the inkjet printer.
They started with the obvious. Masters representing the Tohsaka and Matou families respectively were par for the course and expected. In particular, there was nothing about Tokiomi Tohsaka, current patriarch of the Tohsaka family, that surprised Kiritsugu. The mage was as orthodox as they came, specializing in fire and jewel magic. Even the fact that he too had a wife and daughter didn't phase him, though Kiritsugu tried not to let that surprise him. Actually, he supposed it was easy, because the way he saw it, in this War, what it boiled down to was his having to choose between Tokiomi's daughter, Rin, and his own daughter, Ilya, and at this point, there could be no other choice for him but Ilya. A thousand times over, he would see to it that Ilya would always win out. That last shred of what was precious to him he swore to protect in all of this.
As for the Matou Master, he couldn't help a kind of bitter, rather mirthless amusement at their having appointed the prodigal son, Kariya, who was in fact far superior in potential, compared to his brother Byakuya. The only downside was because of his previous denial of magecraft for personal reasons, now that he was back in the fold as a Master, it was likely he had to employ his father's rather disturbing use of crestworms in order to re-obtain that lost magic. He couldn't think what Kariya's sudden heel-turn was all about, but for what he as the Einzbern Master had to do, that wasn't important right now.
Then of course there was Kiritsugu, representing the Einzberns, or as Irisviel preferred to put it, "the man that I love", to which Kiritsugu himself really couldn't help a small smile.
After that, there were the Masters that filled in the gaps created by the four remaining slots. So far, Kiritsugu had information on two, which he was admittedly prepared for, since the other two could very well turn out to be rather powerless, careless candidates that the Grail would choose merely to round out the group of seven.
"Lord Kayneth El-Melloi Archibald…wealthy and successful nobleman…renowned magus from the Mage's Association…and a lecturer in the department of Spiritual Evocation…uses wind and water affinities. And from what I understand…he has intentions to illegally bind his intended Servant to his fiancée, listed here as Sola-Ui Nuada-Re Sophia-Ri—"
"My, what a mouthful. And I thought my full name was long."
"—in order to provide said Servant with additional mana, despite his being the only official Master. Hmmm. Interesting." Kiritsugu already had one or two strategic scenarios in mind for this situation, but he thought of them not so much with the giddiness of a mad genius and more with the cold interest of a prowling black wolf.
He turned to the next page in the packet.
"Kirei Kotomine…" Irisviel read off the name set beside a surveillance headshot photo of a rather unassuming young priest, pretty average brown hair, certainly well built….
Yet Kiritsugu the Mage Killer immediately picked up on something in the man's eyes…how they were at once intense yet at the same time impassive….
A former Inquisitor…son of the Grail War overseer, Father Risei Kotomine…top of his class in his educational pursuits…with an exceptional adroitness for the fighting art of baji quan… yet never officially taking mastery of anything in particular…not even in the paths he took beyond school….
Odd, was Kiritsugu's first thought upon reading this over.
"What's this all this about?"
Of the Masters Kiritsugu actually had intel on, this was the only one that gave him pause as he glanced over this man's profile. Noticing this, he read over the sheet more closely, and quickly realized why.
"Kiritsugu?" Irisviel frowned at her husband's sudden stillness.
"This man here...Kirei Kotomine...there's something about him that...disturbs me..."
"Disturbs you?" Irisviel sounded disturbed herself. "How?"
"Here, take a look at his background, if you'd like."
"Okay."
Irisviel took the packet when he handed it to her, casting him an expression pinched with perplexity. As she read over it, Kiritsugu stood and crossed over to the window. Outside Ilya was still frolicking in the snow. He was comforted a little at least to see her so happy.
"He seems rather formidable in his accomplishments."
"He's precisely the same man I once was. Almost to a T. A ruthless Mage Killer, just working exclusively for the Church as an Inquisitor."
"Hmmm. And there's something that separates you two…a specific difference that disturbs you, am I right? But not the fact that he was an Inquisitor. It's something else, yes?"
"Yes. What disturbs me is that a man of such skill and power...that man…is nothing but a hollow, passionless shell."
"So a man...without purpose...?"
"A man without purpose...who has that kind of ferocity...and power..." Kiritsugu trembled in his heart just a little before he could try and stop it. "That...terrifies me."
"What gave that impression though?" Irisviel asked curiously. "That he has no purpose?"
"His pattern of behavior," Kiritsugu explained patiently, watching Ilya making snow angels while Elke went on observing so impassively—yet the image of that priest who seemed to wear his brow with heavy discipline and gravity still burned in his mind's eye. "The fact that he excels in all he does yet quits and moves on to something new before taking the last step to mastery. As though he throws away all he learns...as if it means nothing to him..."
A dark reflection...of myself... How did I not see that at first? Or maybe I did….
Irisviel looked at the sheet again as Kiritsugu turned to her.
"It says here too...he's recently been widowed..." Irisviel looked up at her husband, and as expected he saw the pity she had for the beast.
But Kiritsugu had a feeling, deep inside, that Kirei Kotomine...such a man as he...would be much as he had once been...only without any capacity for love...a man born with an abandoned heart...who could not understand loving a woman...yet perhaps he did wonder why that was. Nevertheless, a man who would probably have no more qualms than he would about killing a person outright...except where Kiritsugu never did so without cause, Kirei Kotomine...if he wasn't lashed to whatever metaphorical leash was probably on him…even if he was just told that he didn't have to be lashed to such a leash….
"We have to tread carefully around this inquisitor, Iri," Kiritsugu warned his wife. "There's no telling what he could do if..." His voice broke, just suddenly thinking of someone like Kirei Kotomine getting his hands on Irisviel in this battle...or Ilya...
Even when his wife was coming close to her day of destruction, to her intended death, he still wanted to do what he could to protect her.
But Irisviel did understand. She swallowed and nodded, that steely shade coloring her red eyes. Kiritsugu crossed back over to her, and brushed his knuckles affectionately against the curve of her cheek.
"I won't give him an inch," Irisviel promised. "Not to any of them...I'll see to it that only you will hold the Grail, my love."
For this, Kiritsugu had to smile, in both love and grief. "Of course. I would expect no less from you. Together...you and I...in this…we cannot lose."
Shortly after this discussion, the husband and wife gladly joined their daughter in the sportive serenity of playing with her outside in the snow. Though Kiritsugu knew that part of his laughter was a way for him to drown out the hurt, there was still joy for him in sharing it with his wife and child, his Irisviel and his Ilya. And he spent his time with them both gladly, bathed in the golden light of happiness, even as it was on the edge of being extinguished.
They passed this spare time together over the course of the week, in between making further preparations for the Summoning Ritual. And then one night, they nearly lost track of time.
"Aw, just five more minutes? Please, Kiritsugu?" Ilyasviel implored when her father announced it was time to call it a day.
"No, Ilya, that's enough," and Kiritsugu caught Irisviel's eye: she could tell how hard he was trying to hide his sadness from his daughter.
But then it seemed Ilya sensed it too as she looked up at him, and resigned herself for his sake.
"Okay."
"Come on, my love, let's get you into a nice hot bath before bed." Irisviel held out her hand.
Ilya took it, and she took Kiritsugu's hand too. Kiritsugu felt some of his pain melt away when she squeezed it, giving him a smile, seeing that he was hurting somewhere.
After giving her a bath, Kiritsugu and Irisviel both kissed Ilya goodnight.
"Mmmm, Ilya had lots of fun today," she murmured, hugging her toy lamb Klara close. Even after all this time, it was still her favorite plushie. "G'night Mommy, Daddy..." And she drifted off.
"Goodnight, sweet Ilya," Irisviel whispered in her daughter's ear, as Kiritsugu stroked back the child's hair.
After they closed the bedroom door, the two of them looked at each other, as a sober feeling descended upon them.
"Are you ready?" Kiritsugu asked her.
"Ready," said Irisviel, and she slid her hand in his.
"I have to admit, I'm getting goosebumps," Irisviel said rather conversationally as the two of them made their way down the benighted hallway.
"Hm." Kiritsugu couldn't help that small smile again.
"And I don't think I've ever felt such a quiet in the castle before," Irisviel went on. She chanced looking over at her husband, who had reassumed that forbidding, stoic air she still wasn't used to—probably would never get used to, not the way she'd come to know him and his heart. "This place likely would've been like this all the time…but you and I…we carved out a little light in the gloom, didn't we? With Ilya?"
Kiritsugu felt his smile widen just a little, in spite of himself. "Yes," he croaked in an undertone, and he gave his wife's hand a gentle squeeze. And he was glad to see her reassured by this simple gesture, this proof that the husband she knew was still with her.
"Kiritsugu…are you still worried about your compatibility with King Arthur?"
"Hmmm. Well, yes..." Kiritsugu admitted slowly.
"I see." Irisviel seemed to give this some thought and then said, very softly, in that reassuring way of hers, "Perhaps you shouldn't worry so much about it before you've even summoned him."
"Hm?"
"Well, despite your different approaches to achieving your goals, what you're trying to achieve in this fight...I think that's something that someone like King Arthur would understand. After all, you won't know for sure until you meet him. Your dream is worth so much, I think he'll understand how much it means to you, how far you'll go for something so noble…just as I did."
"Ah..." A little of the humanity that Kiritsugu only let Irisviel and Ilya see touched Kiritsugu's lips, and he mused on what a wonderful spokeswoman his wife could be for someone like him, who was, by all convention, detestable, albeit willing to be such in order to achieve what justice he could for a world that was in such pain.
Then it came to him.
"Ah…I have it," he said.
"'Have it'?"
"The way to use the strongest Servant in the battle to our advantage, while at the same time avoiding any instances of conflict caused by my and King Arthur's more-than-likely compatibility. I will leave our Saber Class Servant in your capable hands, Iri. That will give me leave to lie in wait, out of sight. So while the other Masters are dazzled by the light of you and our gallant King of Knights, I will be able to come up behind them...one by one..."
"I see…so that's how it is." Irisviel considered his words a moment before pointing out, "That would be rather unorthodox…to have Master and Servant act separately."
"I think you'll find I tend to work best when things are…unorthodox," said Kiritsugu, doing his best to bring some levity to the mood. "I am a rebel after all."
And at this, Irisviel couldn't a help a quiet laugh under her breath. "That you are."
When they reached the Summoning Chamber, Kiritsugu paused just a moment and gently kissed the back of Irisviel's hand, with that noble air he sometimes assumed, a wordless token of gratitude for all Irisviel had done for him, all of her willingness to walk this path with him, beside him. He felt her soft sound of love at this, and for one brief moment of weakness, her beauty was more than he could bear.
But then he set that aside again, and pushed open the great doors into the Summoning Chamber. The two of them walked hand in hand until they reached the Magic Circle, outlined in mercury upon the open floor before the altar. Avalon was already set nearby for them too. From there they broke apart, Irisviel picking up Avalon in both of her hands, cradling it like a child almost, while her husband made sure the Magic Circle was up to specs.
"I'm still amazed," Irisviel said, her voice hushed in the solemn chamber, "at how simple the actual ritual is."
Kiritsugu traced the outer curve of the Magic Circle with his finger, examining the dimensions of the entirety closely, checking for irregularities in the pattern. "That's actually because the Grail does the actual summoning. As the Master, I merely serve as someone to anchor our Heroic Spirit in this world."
"Hmmm..."
Once Kiritsugu could see that he had drawn out and set the circle precisely, he stood. "That should be okay. All right…Iri." He looked gravely at his wife and nodded. "Put the relic on the altar. That's the final step."
Irisviel laid the ancient scabbard of the legendary Excalibur rather reverently upon the altar, and stood watch as her husband cast out his hands and began the incantation.
"Fill. Fill. Fill. Fill. Fill. Let each be turned over five times, simply breaking asunder the fulfilled time. Let silver and steel be the essence. Let stone and the archduke of contracts be the foundation…."
The burning pain of flames flared up from Kiritsugu's back where the partially-done Magic Crest was carved into it, fizzling like electric sparks through his Magic Circuits, his bloodstream. Kiritsugu's heart pounded in protest, but he was a master of focus. Even as his vision darkened, he kept his eyes fixed within the Magic Circle as it sprang to life in a brilliant white and blue illumination, and a strange, mystic wind began to kick up.
"Raise a wall, against the wind that shall fall. Close the four cardinal gates. Come out from the crown. Rotate the three-branched road reaching the Kingdom…!"
A roaring had started up, rushing in Kiritsugu's ears. At first it was his own voice, but it joined in with a tone emanating from the Magic Circle itself, as if they were two different musical notes gradually harmonizing together, growing louder and louder as the rotating wind spun faster and faster, the light burning brighter and brighter.
"I shall declare here! Your body shall serve under me. My fate shall be with your sword. Submit to the beckoning of the Holy Grail. If you will submit to this will and this reason…then answer!"
The pain from the Magic Crest escalated, but Kiritsugu was unyielding to it. In fact, he was throwing himself entirely in it, as though it was all becoming one—himself, the pain, and his Heroic Spirit—as he thought for a moment he could sense a great and heavy power pull through him, pulling the semblance of a soul through the gateway that was the Magic Circle….
"An oath shall be sworn here! I shall attain all virtues of all of Heaven! I shall have dominion over all evils of all of Hell!"
With the cry of the last words of the chant—
"From the Seventh Heaven, attended to by three great words of power, come forth from the ring of restraint, Protector of the Balance!"
—the entire Summoning Chamber filled with light as bright as sunlight. The pain from Kiritsugu's Magic Crest quickly dissipated as the Heroic Spirit he had summoned was fully unleashed upon this world. The winds quickly died, as did the bright light and the sound of roaring, and Kiritsugu came back to himself, to find Irisviel shielding her face with the crook of her elbow. He was about to ask if she was all right when she lowered her arm and gave a small, audible gasp.
Fearing at once that something had gone wrong in the summoning, Kiritsugu peered past the clearing haze of mana residue as if watching his Heroic Spirit emerge from an ancient fog. He froze, believing that indeed, for one moment, something had gone wrong, for the shape and voice of the Spirit that emerged, while clad in the armor of its age of origin, was in fact…
…female.
What the hell?
"I ask thee…" And the blonde, armor-clad woman raised a pair of green eyes bright as jade fire, eyes that briefly rendered Kiritsugu unable to speak, much in the way first seeing Irisviel's red eyes had done, "…art thou the Master that called me?"
A lioness. That was the first image Kiritsugu involuntarily called to mind as a result of his initial impression of this woman. He couldn't help it. Not even he. Even if she was a woman, she undeniably spoke with the command of an experienced warrior, a leader.
As such, Irisviel was actually the first to recover from her and Kiritsugu's mutual shock and speak.
"King…Arthur…?" she called rather timorously.
The woman-warrior's green eyes flicked from Kiritsugu to Irisviel. "Yes. I am he. Or 'she' and 'was' rather. But it was the man's voice I heard summon me." Her eyes flicked back to Kiritsugu.
When Kiritsugu still couldn't speak, Irisviel rallied with, "But…Arthur is a…man's name…" she finished, as if fearing the Spirit would turn furious at her having pointed out such an obvious thing that was causing such terrible confusion.
The woman who claimed to be the Spirit of the King of Knights lifted her chin, her gleaming armor clinking metallically and ever so subtly with every small movement she made. "Arturia, if you please. Arturia Pendragon. However...I suppose it would be, Saber, since that is the Class into which you summoned me." Again, she looked to Kiritsugu.
Kiritsugu meanwhile, let this all sink in, and as he did, something came together in his mind that caused him great irritation and upset. Not the fact alone that all this time King Arthur had in fact been female—presumably in disguise, a secret. Rather, it was that he began to think of, to imagine, a frail, shaking young girl, draped in rags, humbly stepping forth and pulling the sword Caliban from its stone, of all who had witnessed such standing in wonder, before quickly realizing that in order for anyone to call this chosen one king, she would have to abandon the life of the sex she had been born with and hide behind a masculine mask. Force that kind of cruel fate on someone like that.
And undoubtedly, she had accepted it, and all of the chivalric ideals that had come with it. As a woman thrust into a man's role, at the time unthinkable, she had been forced to adopt something like ideals, in a time when a man with ideals…must be enslaved by them. Cursed by them.
It wasn't that she had been brainwashed, no. She seemed far too intelligent and sharp for that, just seeing her at a glance. It was that in the end she allowed herself to stand as a martyr to her ideals, and in the end…it had come to nothing.
A fool. A fool as foolish as he had been, a fool he understood, perhaps only too well. But a fool nonetheless.
And yet…and yet….
How could she stand here before him, so proud? She would be a force to be reckoned with, to be sure, and as unwavering as a mountain. Just like him.
No. He couldn't even bring himself to utter a single word to her. Nothing good could come of two people such as he and she speaking together. Only mindless, endless bickering. Or rather, she might curse and rage at him, much like Aloisia might have done, or anyone else for that matter, but he would take it, and for her it would be like she was screaming at stone, a tempest beating at cliffs. Wasted energy.
His hands tightened into fists. He couldn't help a kind of low growl as he glared, almost challengingly, in Arturia Pendragon's direction.
Saber. My Saber. My damned, cursed Saber.
And Saber, naturally, reacted quite visibly to the look he gave her, narrowing her eyes at him in turn.
But before she could say anything, Irisviel took a tentative step forward, even smiling. "Very well then, if this who you are, this is who you are. We'll accept it as it is. To answer your question, it was indeed Kiritsugu who summoned you, your Master." She gestured to her husband. "But I'm his wife, Irisviel, supporting him in the coming Grail War. So while he has the Command Seals, I'll be beside both of you in this fight. And I must say…it's a great honor to meet you, Arturia." She laid a hand over her heart and gave a kind of one-handed curtsy.
At Irisviel's words, Saber seemed to forget the way Kiritsugu was behaving towards her, softening in amazement even. But when Irisviel glanced Kiritsugu's way, he turned his glare into a meaningful, communicative expression she could read. She knew him well enough, after all.
Remember what I said. The light will shine on you and our Saber here. I am nothing but shadow.
Irisviel blinked, but it was quickly clear that she understood.
Kiritsugu nodded, and then turned away, still without having spoken a single word to his own Servant. He clenched and unclenched his fists, knowing that his back dared Saber to call out to him, to demand why, if he was her Master, he had yet to speak to her directly.
Yet she didn't.
And the fact that she acted so admirably collected somehow irked Kiritsugu even more.
That, and he hadn't even realized that Arturia Pendragon was really rather short and petite, until Irisviel had stood in relation to her.
Irisviel found Kiritsugu alone in their room, sat on the floor with his back against the door to Ilya's bedroom. He was cross-legged, with his elbows propped on his knees and his chin resting contemplatively on his folded hands.
Looking up, he could see she had entered alone, but he had no doubt that Saber was standing dutifully just outside in the hall. His nostrils flared, but he said nothing, going back to pondering a moonlit spot on the carpet as his wife joined him on the floor.
For a brief moment, Kiritsugu felt like a boy again, hiding from some trivial problem, with Shirley seeking him out to talk some sense into him. And as expected, Irisviel's doing this had the positive effect of calming his rather frayed nerves concerning the Heroic Spirit he had summoned for his Servant.
"So are you going to tell me what's wrong, or are we in a clamming-up mood?" Irisviel traced an aimless circle in the carpet with her index finger.
Kiritsugu heaved a sigh. "This is going to be difficult."
"She's your Servant, you know. The gender doesn't matter. Just because you want me to act as proxy Master doesn't mean you can't still speak with her."
"'Proxy'. Good word."
"Don't change the subject. I need to know if this is how you plan to deal with this arrangement."
"Yes. But I have my reasons."
"Is that so?" Irisviel studied him a moment, pausing in her circle-tracing. "Ah, I see," she said after a moment. "It's the issue of your incompatibility. Can you really make that assessment when you haven't even spoken a word to her?"
Kiritsugu said nothing. He wasn't sure why he was unwilling all of a sudden to share the root of his disagreeable impressions of Saber with his wife. But then…looking up at her again, he realized he didn't need to. He knew she had a good idea why it was he was upset by the aura Saber radiated.
The revelation that all this time King Arthur had been a woman in disguise had complicated things. In fact, it had made things worse. Indeed, as a man holding up archaic ideals of nobility in warfare would have been troublesome enough, but because it was a woman…it was more than likely that not only had she been, for her time, been forced to be such who was cursed by such things as ideals, but no doubt she had done her utmost to go above and beyond what any man would have done…just to prove she could, even as a woman. If that wasn't a sign she would be stubborn to a fault, he didn't know what was.
And if everything else about Arturia apart from her sex was true, like that she was raised by Merlin, that she had fought tooth and nail to save her country with her fought-for honor intact, that she had kept herself to herself and tried so hard to do it all her own…bringing about her ruin when in death she had abandoned the people she had fought so hard to save…it was too much a golden reflection of what his life had been, an affirmation that no matter what path he would have chosen, as a hero…he would know nothing, in the end, but the despair of all heroes.
That saving one person meant being unable to save another.
That was why….
"If she gets in my way…Iri…" he began.
The forbidding memory of Kirei Kotomine's photo flickered in his mind.
But Irisviel shook her head. "She won't. It won't be like that. I think…if I explain your wish to her…it's like I said before, she'll understand. I'm sure all she wants to do is help."
Except with naïve ideals holding her back.
Folding his arms across his chest, Kiritsugu leaned back and turned towards his Ilya's bedroom door. "All that matters is giving the world salvation...and saving my daughter. I can't do anything to risk losing the last two dreams I have left in my life."
"Well, when you put it like that…." Irisviel attempted a smile.
Watching her do it though, it just made Kiritsugu's heart hurt again. But she could see that in him too, and she reached out a hand.
"We can make this work," she promised him. "Trust me. Do what you have to. I'll take care of the rest. As will Saber. Even if she dislikes you as much you do her, and I suspect she will given your attitude, she won't betray you. Surely that counts for something?"
"Hm. I suppose…you have a point." Kiritsugu accepted the hand his wife offered him, and gazing back into her beautiful crimson eyes, he did find it in himself to share in and be encouraged by her smile. "Oh Iri: if everyone in the world was like you and Ilya…then it would indeed be a perfect utopia."
The following day, Kiritsugu and Irisviel had an early start with starting preparations for their fast-approaching, eventual departure to Fuyuki. Kiritsugu confirmed the chartered plane for Irisviel and their Servant, as well as the flight plan for himself. Maiya would await his arrival at the hotel room in Fuyuki that would serve as his weapons cache for the duration of the Grail War. After Kiritsugu got there and made an examination of the entire city, checking all specs of the battleground same as he'd checked the specs for the Magic Circle that summoned Saber, then Irisviel and Saber would arrive on the private plane in time for the War to begin.
Irisviel meanwhile sought out Saber that morning with enthusiasm, reporting to her husband that she had left the Heroic Spirit to spend the night in one of the solars. Saber, for her part, apparently didn't need to sleep, as Kiritsugu provided her with more than sufficient mana, leaving her without a need to recharge at this point.
So apparently she had divested herself of her armor, and took her time perusing the tomes on the bookshelf in the solar in question.
But even in keeping Saber out of his sight as much as possible, Kiritsugu could not escape his tense feelings towards her. And what little he did see of her whenever Irisviel came to speak with him in the library with her in tow, he could see she was equally as tense about him.
Several times he noticed Saber bite her lip, scrutinizing him sharply with those green eyes of hers, as though trying to work him out, and furiously so. Particularly in instances where she made an attempt to make contact, tried to ask him questions as he went over very brief, preliminary strategy items with Irisviel, and he would go on as if no one had spoken. And though he could see that his wife was starting to grow rather vexed with him for it, there was no getting around the fact that every question Saber put forth to him was either irrelevant to his initial intentions for the War, or countered those intentions outright.
That was precisely what he had been hoping to avoid.
Kiritsugu had a feeling though that when it mattered, Saber would have no qualms about speaking up to him, attempt to put her foot down, call him out for any myriad of reprehensible things he was more than likely to do in the battle to come. He didn't particularly look forward to that either.
In any case, he and Irisviel had a checklist to go off of now that everything as far as equipment was concerned. According to what Maiya had just finished telling him on the phone, she would have no problem as far as smuggling his personal arsenal into Japan.
After that, he realized that they had to consider the issue of clothes. Irisviel certainly couldn't be expected to travel, and not at all with any kind of efficiency, wearing her lovely gown that seemed to serve as a mantle of the Einzbern family, as Elder Acht's robes were fashioned in a similar theme of white with gold trim.
Then there was Saber, who, being unable to take Spirit Form, would need to be attired in something less conspicuous than a battle skirt and bodice. Even with the removal of her armor, it would still sorely stick out. Maybe if at the time there was some sort of large event involving massive groups of cosplayers, they might've been able to get away with it, but as it was, that was not the case, and even so, Kiritsugu wasn't comfortable with it. So arrangements were made to take Saber's measurements and have a suit much like Kiritsugu's tailored for her, after Irisviel made the assessment from speaking with Saber that from a combat standpoint, it would be far more useful to her to dress that way.
Saber though, for her part, seemed to be taking this not as some simpering schoolgirl bemoaning the indifference of an aloof yet desirable upperclassman, but with an equal amount of cold calculation. Or at least, whenever Kiritsugu caught her glancing his way, or observed her turning to the library window instead, he had to admit that he saw something of Maiya in the militaristic way she carried herself, the way she observed things, how her mind constantly worked. She was a powerful Servant, to be sure, and she would certainly be formidable in battle. He could tell just by that lioness look in her eye.
But he knew her Achilles' heel, at least for him. That and he could see that while she didn't seem to lament his outright ignoring her for the most part, she did appear to want to understand why he was acting the way he was, in order to better serve him. It was clear she at least sensed that he was upset with her, and she wanted nothing more than to correct it, to work with him as a comrade.
That was out of the question of course. Even so, when he caught that glance and quickly turned his back on her, her green eyes would not leave him be. They would follow him even after he escaped the library to complete other tasks.
As if to say: "You can shut me out, and I may just be a puppet to you…but I have a will of my own."
He had himself mentioned to Irisviel that Servants were, after all, just tools to be used by the Master. And though neither of them had said anything, they both knew that he had been rather contradicting himself. After all, that was originally how he had perceived Irisviel, and he had rather proven himself quite wrong on that.
With Irisviel though, he could tell that she was rather enjoying being the one to simply spend some time with and get to know Saber, relaying more or less everything her husband refused to say to her. And then with a bittersweet feeling, Kiritsugu realized that this was the first time his wife really had anything like another woman she could speak to as a companion, far more so than any of her homunculi sisters, even in the case of Aloisia, though she was a close contender. Something about realizing this actually relaxed Kiritsugu about Saber's presence, made him grateful to her even. Not that he would ever express that to her. Doing so would complicate his efforts to keep their relationship as oil and water, as he knew it would be anyway even if they tried to cooperate, particularly when it came to battle strategy.
He didn't even feel any particular disquiet when Irisviel introduced Saber to their daughter, but maybe that was because Irisviel had been with her. Later that evening, when Saber had closed herself off in the solar again, and Kiritsugu was glad to share in more time spent with his family, Ilyasviel was bouncing on her toes in excitement at having met someone new that day, and Kiritsugu couldn't help but be happy for her too.
"She's really nice," Ilya was telling him as she sat on his lap in his chair by the fire. "Ilya even curtsied for her in her new dress!" And then she hopped up and curtsied for her father too.
Irisviel was also wearing her new outfit. The tailor the family had minimal contact with had outdone himself in fashioning what Irisviel had chosen for herself as well as for Saber. And, wanting to indulge their daughter, they had had a new dress made for her too, one fashioned to look like another miniature of her mother's. True, Irisviel and Ilya both already had dresses similar to these, but naturally Kiritsugu wanted another excuse to dote on the two of them.
A high-collared blouse with a short white skirt and high, fashionable boots. But while Irisviel's blouse was maroon, Ilya of course had simply had to have purple.
Kiritsugu thought with a pang that the two of them looked far too adorable together for their own good, as Irisviel had donned her new outfit too so he could see.
"Will Saber be going with you to Japan?" Ilya asked as Irisviel joined them by the fire in their room.
"Yes," said Irisviel, stroking back her daughter's hair. "She's going to help Daddy keep Mommy safe."
"Wow, that's amazing!" said Ilya. It was likely, given her nature, that deep down, she could sense how powerful Saber was without even having to see it in action for herself.
But then Irisviel caught Kiritsugu's eye, and he could see that she could tell that he was struggling against his own sadness, even then, as well as desperately trying to keep everything between the three of them light and happy, like they'd always been. And she smiled, and seeing that was enough.
Ilya did a twirl in her new dress again, clutching it on either side. "Thank you again, Kiritsugu, for the dress." She beamed.
"You're very welcome," Kiritsugu told her quietly, and then sadly, the late hour struck, and it was time to put their daughter to bed.
Inwardly, Kiritsugu cursed the ticking of that clock, as much as he cursed the breaking he felt in his beating heart as he picked his giggling daughter up into his arms and carried her to her room, hiding his sorrow behind his smile.
In the pale grey of dawn, Kiritsugu sat up to a rare calm in the blustery snow outside, and looking over at his wife, asleep beside him, he was filled with the peace of the quiet that surrounded them. He found himself watching her fixedly for a very long time, the rise and fall of her breathing, just letting the sight of her like this stay with him. How many mornings had he awoken with her at his side like this? This, like so many other wonderful things, he would carry in his heart forever, and despite everything, he was happy for it, in his own way.
Letting her sleep, Kiritsugu quietly slid out of bed and found Ilya already sat up and blinking sleep out of her own eyes, her face split in a wide yawn before she found her father poking his head in her bedroom door. All semblance of sleep disappeared from her face as it lit up just to see him.
"Hi, Kiritsugu," she greeted brightly.
"Hey there, Ilya." Kiritsugu's heart filled with warmth to see something so cute, and he managed to reflect her smile with genuine enthusiasm. "So it looks like it's a clearer day today. How does a round of our walnut game sound?"
Ilya gasped in delighted surprise. She was too overcome with a flood of excitement to notice any implications in the irregularity of the fact that this was the first time her father had been the one to suggest the walnut game.
So, after breakfast, Kiritsugu took his daughter out to play their favorite game together, and he did so with the painful, burning hope within that it wouldn't be the last.
Even so, he was glad. Out here, with Ilya, he could forget that up in the smaller drawing rooms up high in the castle, Irisviel was treating Saber to a cup of tea, giving the two of them the chance to speak a little more with each other. He could forget his suspicion that out of that window, they would have a clear view of his and Ilya's game below outside, that Saber would probably watch him out of curiosity, stalwartly plowing onward with her efforts to figure him out. Much like her mother, Ilya had always had that same calming effect on him whenever he'd felt agitated.
For now, he was happily detached from the progression of Time, encapsulated in a world where he and Ilya played together, like any other day, with Ilya calling him out for trying to cheat by counting wingnuts among the walnuts, Kiritsugu apologizing profusely when she threatened to never play the game with him again, Ilya beating on his knees, her little face flushed with anger that was still adorable, and he repenting by lifting her up on his shoulders to give her a better view of the walnuts, echoing the ringing sound of her laughter. She had forgiven him so easily of course, because she adored him as her father, and she had no reason to distrust him, no reason to believe that in the end, he wouldn't be there to hold her close when she needed him to, no reason to doubt him.
But then Time resumed itself, and Kiritsugu had to submit to it.
"All right, Ilya. The victory is yours today. Well done, my sweet."
"Wahoo!" Ilya cheered, filled with nothing but the happiness of having won their game, and of riding up on her daddy's shoulders as they made their way back to the castle. After calculating the number of wins versus losses since the two of them first started playing this game, she added, "Okay then. Now our next match won't happen until you come back from your trip to Japan, will it?"
"That's right," said Kiritsugu, doing his best to keep the hint of forced levity out of his voice. Admittedly, it was a fragile effort.
And then Ilya asked, in a voice that seemed to be trying to hide its own insecurities: "How long will your work keep you and Mommy away from home? When will you come back?"
There it was. A question that Ilya had perhaps been wanting to ask for a very long time now, but couldn't find the courage to somehow until the very last minute. Kiritsugu was painfully reminded of himself in this.
Yet he went on trying to put on this brave front for his daughter, feigning serenity. "I should be back here…in about…two weeks or so…but your mommy…won't be back for quite a while."
Really, how could he tell Ilya, that her mother would never embrace her again? That it would be his fault…?
"Yeah, Mommy told me about that already," Ilya confessed. "She told me before I went to sleep, that she and Ilya would part forever."
Kiritsugu's heart clenched to hear this, and he couldn't help a low moan of lament. Thankfully, Ilya didn't seem to hear and went on to explain in a voice so reassured and free of grief that that hurt too:
"But she told me too that even if we don't see each other for a long, long time, she would always be by my side, so Ilya won't ever be lonely. I'm going to be together with Mommy, well, forever and ever and ever and ever!" And Ilya giggled, bubbling with the happy naivety of a child who wants for nothing more than the knowledge that no matter what, she'll always be able to rely on her mother to be there for her.
For Ilya, all was still right with the world.
That was the hardest thing in all of this, and Kiritsugu stopped, unable to push forward another step in the snow.
"I see."
Carefully he knelt down and let Ilya slide off of his shoulders. Still the child beamed with utter happiness, flinging her arms out in that way she still liked to pretend that she could fly, laughing until how quiet her father had gone gave her pause for the first time. Turning to look at him, blinking at him in confusion, she let out a low, "Huh?"
"Listen, Ilya," said Kiritsugu, still trying to smile for her as he looked up at her. But there was nothing more he could say to that sweet face he loved so much, wanted so much to see happy. Irisviel had already taken care of everything. There was nothing left for Kiritsugu to do as a father for now, except—
Pulling her into his arms, he hugged her small body more tightly to him than he ever had before, and he knew Ilya could feel it, could sense something wrong when she uttered, "Daddy?" in a small, even trembling voice.
But Kiritsugu found he could still be strong for her. As long he could hold her like this one last time, he could still do that much.
"Can you wait for me, Ilya? Even if you're lonely, can you last until Daddy comes home?"
That was enough. He heard the smile come back in her voice as she said, "Mm-hm!" feeling her nod with that indomitable spirit of hers he adored so much.
And Kiritsugu felt for a moment that everything would truly be all right. "Good," he said with a sigh of something almost like relief. He hugged Ilya, if possible, even closer, remembering this, how she always smelled so sweetly of violets, how little she was, how he would be all she would have in this world, and here in this snow, he would make one last vow to her, that they would share in that simple dream of playing their walnut game again, and leave this place together when all this ugliness passed them at last.
Their pinkies weren't linked, but that didn't matter. What mattered was the link between their two hearts.
"Then I promise you," he said, his voice rough in spite of himself, "Daddy won't make you wait. He'll be home…before you know it."
When Irisviel greeted the two of them upon their return, he could see she could tell that he had spoken very important words to Ilya, and that it had been hard on him, yet he had taken on the burden gladly, for Ilya's sake. And Ilya was still happy as ever, and that was enough for now too.
Even so, Kiritsugu had to make quick work of repairing the parts of his heart where it started to fray and tear, as he dived straight into the final preparations for his departure from Einzbern Castle. As he did so, another painful possibility occurred to him, and he did his best to swallow it down and go on working. But with every intention of bringing it up with his wife later.
However, he received a bit of an unexpected shock when he came back from tucking Ilya into bed for the last time. At first he hadn't even really been paying attention, as his thoughts were still with Ilya, already asleep and dreaming blissful dreams.
Then Irisviel spoke, and he saw what she had on.
"Hello, Kiritsugu."
Kiritsugu's heart stopped painfully. Irisviel had gone and taken out the iris-patterned wedding-gift kimono and put it on for him. She had even done up her hair with an iris-blossom hair comb he had bought for her. It hadn't really seen the light of day since their wedding night, serving mostly as a token, though Irisviel had shown it to a curious and wonder-filled Ilyasviel once. But the silk, Kiritsugu knew, was laced with beautiful memories of how tenderly he had caressed his wife that night. Perhaps that was why she seemed even more beautiful in it than ever.
"Iri…."
Irisviel crossed over to him and took his hands in hers. "I thought…I could wear it again…one last time. It'll just be put away with the other Einzbern treasures and curiosities, after all."
"I see." Kiritsugu reached and touched her face, unable to say something so simple as, "You're beautiful."
But by now, Irisviel could tell what was in heart just by his expression, by the way he touched her.
"Ah my Iri…." He managed a feeble smile.
"Do you know what Saber told me earlier?"
Although anything Saber had had to say wasn't exactly what Kiritsugu wanted to hear at the moment, he indulged his wife without a trace of annoyance coming across.
"What did she tell you?"
"I told her about your dream for the world, and she said, 'I think what you and Kiritsugu are trying to do is right and just. Something to be proud of. And until the end, I will protect you. I swear it on the pride of my sword.' Really, even with her being a woman, she's quite gallant as any knight of old."
"Ah…."
So he could at least count on that.
"It's okay," Irisviel went on with a knowing grin. "You don't have to say anything. I know your feelings."
"Hm. Well, there are a few things I'd like to discuss with you."
"All right."
The two of them sat together on the edge of the bed they had shared for almost nine years. Kiritsugu kept his hand in Irisviel's as he spoke.
"First of all…in regards to Avalon…I want you to carry it."
Irisviel blinked. Clearly the fact that Avalon had the power to heal its bearer's wounds had been something of a reassurance for her. She didn't need to say it out loud for Kiritsugu to know that she was afraid of something happening to him, for even if he was going to act in the shadows, other Masters and Servants that lurked in that same dark territory might come across him.
"But without Saber nearby, the scabbard won't function properly anyway. Since you'll be accompanying her closely, it would make the most sense for you to have it. And besides, with everyone believing you to be the Einzbern Master, given how we'll make it look that way, you'll need far more protection than me." Kiritsugu caressed the curve of one of Irisviel's smooth knuckles. "Keep it within you…so it protects you…if you get hurt…."
Likewise, Kiritsugu didn't have to say it out loud for Irisviel to know that he was equally afraid of something happening to her. She didn't need to suffer more than necessary for her function as the Grail Vessel. Even then, Avalon in that respect would serve as something to help maintain her human form for as long possible, keeping the pain of that transformation at bay, at least for a time.
"All right," she agreed.
"Additionally, tell no one of this, not even Saber herself. Do you understand?"
"Yes." After a solemn pause, she asked, "What was the second thing you wanted to discuss?"
But Kiritsugu was less eager to dive into that. Yet, dive into it, he must.
Taking a deep breath and letting it out, he said, "With your acting as proxy Master to Saber…for the most part, we should act separately…and only make contact when necessary…and even then, keep it to a minimum."
Irisviel was quiet a moment as she let this sink in, before saying, "I see," very slowly. "Well, it isn't like you Kiritsugu to point out something so painfully obvious. After all, I rather figured that part out from the beginning."
"I'm sorry." Kiritsugu's despondency reflected his wife's. "Are you disappointed?"
Since Saber's summoning, he hadn't really noticed the melancholy come over Irisviel until now. Or maybe he hadn't wanted to, since this was their last night together in their bedroom.
But Irisviel shook her head. "It's better this way. Like with Ilya's birth, you won't have to see me when I face the pain of breaking down at that point." Even saying it like this, she was trying to be careful with her words, even in this way trying to spare him pain.
Kiritsugu was then inspired with enough courage to press onward, taking a deep breath before saying: "In that case, I can take comfort in your faith in me…despite the likely possibility that when that time comes…I may not have it in me…to come and see you…one last time…."
Regardless of his efforts though, the words he spoke still ran him through like a knife. Cursing under his breath, unable to help himself, he hunched over, trying to get a grip, burying his face in his free hand.
"I'm such a coward," he growled, unable to keep the self-loathing at bay. "Forgive me. Please forgive me."
Before he knew it, the tears came, as usual against his will. But Irisviel was there for him when he impulsively reached for her, and weighed down with such grief, he buried his face in her embracing arms, and her kind touch was there as she ran her fingers through his dark hair and whispered soft words of love to him.
"Why do I have to be so weak…?" he croaked, returning her embrace and hugging her very tightly to him, his tears soaking her shoulder.
"Kiritsugu…oh my darling…." Irisviel held him tighter back, her own voice breaking with sorrow. Sorrow for him.
"I'm sorry…I'm so sorry…."
"No, my love…it's all right…everything will be all right…."
"But…." Kiritsugu swallowed, feeling his very heart cry out. "I'm helping…I'm helping to kill…I'm helping to kill…I'm killing the woman I love dearly…."
And then a sob broke from Irisviel's lips, and she shook with it in her husband's arms. "I've told…you idiot…stop seeing it that way…."
"I can't help it…I can't…."
"No! This was my choice…I made this decision because I wanted it…to help you…. It has to be my choice…otherwise…I have nothing!"
And though the tears went on flowing down Kiritsugu's face, he managed a smile mixed with adoration and sadness as he whispered into her ear, looking at her sidelong, "Ah…how is it you always say just the right words?"
Irisviel's encouraged laugh was watery. "Because you gave me words worth speaking, my love."
"Indeed…you're right…I suppose…."
Kiritsugu cradled his wife tenderly against him, enough that he could feel the reassuring sensation of her heart knocking so close to his. For a few moments, they stayed this way, unspeaking, Irisvel hiccupping and Kiritsugu letting the rest of his tears flow unchecked.
Then he whispered softly and affectionately in the dark: "Iri…let me just hold you…for a small while…."
"Of course," Irisviel murmured against him. "We still have time."
Kiritsugu held her tighter. "Thank you…Iri…for everything…I can't…I know…it'll never be enough…but thank you…. You gave me a reason…to be happy again…really happy…." He touched her with all the tenderness he had in him, every caress a precious memory to carry with him.
"Good, I'm glad," said Irisviel, smiling onward through her tears as she stroked his dark hair. "That's all I ever wanted for you."
Every breath Kirtisugu breathed was painful, like each one knifed him the ribs. But at the same time he felt so electrically alive, and he pulled back to look into the glittering red eyes, the lovely face he adored, before he took his wife's lips in his. Both his and Irisviel's tears caught the silver moonlight, bright with one last winking hope that still waited for the future that would come from one last, loving sacrifice.
Kiritsugu had no intention of bidding a farewell to the Einzberns, Acht in particular. In any case, he knew they would all watch from a window of the castle as he departed if they were so inclined to get up at the crack of dawn, as he did. Acht certainly would be, and that was fine. No more would he have to face that forbidding old gaze that always tried to pierce him like icicles.
When he woke so early that morning, he left one last kiss with a sleeping Irisviel and sleeping Ilya. Today he had to keep things brief, otherwise he would never be able to leave at all. Already he was working to cultivate those crystals of ice he'd worn as a shell around his heart for so long. Even so, the heart that still beat within it would still be human. One he could unbury when the time came. He hoped.
He did have the misfortune to run into Saber as he made his way to the entrance hall of the castle. She was emerging from her solar to seek out Irisviel.
Face set, Saber tried one last time. "Kiritsugu…."
But Kiritsugu pressed onward down the hall, uttering not a word. Once again, he shut the door in his Servant's face. Yet, as expected, she remained poised and broached no argument. No. She would probably keep that up until she saw what kind of fighter he really was. And he believed he was prepared for that.
From where he made his way to the edge of the barrier wearing nothing but his coat and carrying what little belongings he had kept with him in the castle for his preparations for the War slung over his shoulder—including his laptop—he turned back only once at the entrance to the winter forest.
He found Irisviel and Ilya where he'd secretly hoped he would, looking out at him from their bedroom window. Ilya waved giddily, and Kiritsugu waved back in kind.
Irisviel waved back too, her eyes saying, "No matter how we do this, I'm right here beside you. You can do it."
Kiritsugu nodded, and he saw she understood.
And then he risked looking Saber's way. Saber stood off to the side from his family, at attention of course, with her hands behind her back. Green eyes looked down into dark ones, and for a moment, something did pass between this decidedly incompatible Master and Servant.
I leave Irisviel in your hands, Saber. If you protect her, I'll handle the rest.
Though Saber's gaze was unmoved, it was admirably focused. Just this once, Kiritsugu knew he could trust it.
And then he turned away, with a cold, feral set to his brow. Turned away to face the world again, face the world again as the ruthless Mage Killer.