Oh, the wheels on the bus go round and round! Round and round, round and round! The wheels on the bus go round and round! Allll daaaay looooong!
A ROOM WITH A MOOSE
"So, how was your vacation last month?" Ms. Bitters inquired of Nick as he sipped some hot cocoa (yes, he'd brought his own, only an IDIOT would be willing to drink the stuff they had THERE).
"Ah, me and Kelsey just lied on the beach, watched the sun set…actually I mostly watched the wind go through her hair which reminded me of how much I loved her. Shame about what happened over at Santa Barbara." He sighed sadly. "I thought your vacation would have been more relaxing, but I heard there was a hurricane…body parts flying EVERYWHERE. The carnage they showed on the TV was AWFUL. I'm amazed you survived!"
"I also learned something from the experience." Ms. Bitters added, smirking evilly. "That I can still feel JOY."
"…sure thing, "Beelzeboss"." Nick muttered under his breath.
Nick suddenly felt his cell phone vibrate and he dove quickly into his pocket, flipping it open. "Y'ello?"
"Hey there, Captain Hallmark!" Jhonen laughed.
"Jhonen! Big V, how are doing?" Nick asked. "Captain Hallmark", heh…that was funny!
"Listen, I need a favor, there's somebody I want you to tail around, this girl keeps following me and…she's been in my HOUSE." Jhonen whispered quickly.
Nick frowned. His HOUSE?! CREEPY.
"She left me flowers too."
"Aw, that's kinda-"
"They had a note." On the other end, Jhonen recited the poem as flies whizzed around in the air above a cracked vase. "These flowers were red. Now they're dead. I've heard you stopped doing Invader Zim, so I wish you worms in your head. Love, Mary Sue."
"…WOW." Nick gaped. "She's PIIIISSED! I didn't think any OTHER "Real World" members could sneak in here…" He rubbed his chin. "There must be a LEAK somewhere. Well…" He laughed. "Zim and Dib can't get into too much trouble in one day, and that's all it will take for me to get the skinny on this stalker of yours!"
"Well hurry up, there's a lot we still need to talk about…"
BRIIIIIING!
"Oh, the bell! Gotta go, JV!"
…
…
…
…
It had NOT been a good week for Zim.
At ALL.
As he looked over video footage he'd obtained from hacking the school's camera system, Zim sat in his underground lair watching various videos. He found one catch his eye immediately…he was playing a special dodgeball with various children on the playground. The goal was to pass it around and that you had to throw as hard as you could. Catch it and you were safe!
Brian was passing the ball left and right but not to HIM, even though he'd been raising his hands and waving them-
Well, technically, Brian finally DID pass it to somebody who threw it at Zim…just not TO him. Zim was knocked clear through the air with a blow to the legs and everyone circled around him, pointing and laughing.
Another monitor showed ANOTHER video. He had approached Trish in an attempt to ask her about a homework problem he'd forgotten to do earlier…she'd just lowered one eyelid, stuck out her tongue and walked away.
Torque Smacky was shown on ANOTHER monitor, grinning after he pushed Zim to the ground. Necky had TRIPPED him on that same day, and Smolga, well…
She'd tried to be nice by offering her ice cream, but when he'd LICKED it…THE PAIN! The searing, freezing pain had filled his brain and he'd begun to spasm. So so much for being "nice".
But the worst was the DIB videos.
In the cafeteria he'd been pelted in the back of the head while trying to take his tray to his table. At the tether ball pole he'd been tied up by the tether ball rope while Dib smirked proudly.
In ANOTHER incident, Dib had decided to test if Zim really was a guy and had hit him between the legs.
Well, the thing was, Irken genitals were buried deep inside their body and they didn't come out unless surgical operations were done. BUT that didn't keep that area where they were hidden under from being a sore spot. A VERY SORE SPOT.
"The PAIIIIIN! MOTHER OF HELL!!!" Zim moaned, wig falling off as he rolled around on the ground.
Then the NEXT day, he'd been looking over a new "Zune", which played music. Earplugs attached to his antennae and hidden in his toupee, Zim bounced his head slightly as he listened. "And I taaaaake oooooover…cuz I'm…no…loooooseeeer!" He sang out to himself. Mr. Hair-Ator had been right, Cosmic Castaway WAS-
SPLOOOSH!
Dib had poured a bucket of water on him…and Zim had a habit of forgetting to bathe in paste every other day. Gasping and smoking, Zim dropped his Zune and ran for his life, screaming as Dib held onto the tree branch he'd been sitting on when he drenched Zim.
"What's your home planet's name, Zim? Irk, right? Now tell me where it is! Come on, tell me! I'll find out everything about you sooner or later! I'll find out everything!" He growled, dropping down and shaking his fist.
Zim stopped this recording and placed his claws together, his eyes becoming cold maroon stones. "No, I don't think you WILL, Dib." He hissed softly. "I…don't…think…you…WILL."
…
…
…
…It was not going to be a good day for Dib. Not if Zim had anything to say about it.
Nor, unknown to Nick…would it be a good day for him.
Nick hadn't had to go in to work today, so he'd gone to visit Jhonen's house so the two could relax and get JV's mind off that stalker. Opening the door, he smiled. "Jhonen, I've got the day off, how about we go out to Six Frogs and-"
His eyes went wide as saucers. Jhonen was very, VERY badly hurt…blood dripping down from his chest in multiple places. No…how had that girl managed to get close to him? Jhonen was GOD! This was WRONG!
"Jhonen, hold on!" Nick shouted, rushing to his side. It was an impossibility, the God, the Creator of the World couldn't DIE!
"Just hold on, I'll get you to the hospital, just hold on…"
…
…
…
…
Ms. Bitters was finishing up a lesson on Cannibalism. "So, right around there, a negative stigma was attached to the idea of surviving on human flesh." She remarked, explaining a particularily nasty incident at "Raccoon City". "Still, there were isolated groups of zombies that continued to pop up around-"
Dib raised his hand and Ms. Bitters rolled her eyes. "YES, Dib?"
"Zim's trip to the restroom has lasted a REAAAAL long time." He stated.
"I recall you spending quite a long time in there recently as well." Ms. Bitters hissed back, leaning forward over her desk towards Dib and stretching ooooout!
"Hey, that was corn and MAYO day!" Dib protested.
"BAH HUMBUG! No excuse!" Ms. Bitters laughed.
"He's up to something." Dib insisted. "I just know it!"
Ms. Bitters just hissed. But THEN…
BOOM! The door flew open and Zim stood here. "Ahh." He sighed. "MY BUSINESS…IS DONE." He announced.
"EW." Zita remarked as he walked back to his desk.
"Okay, WHO takes 3 HOURS to go to the bathroom BEFORE lunch!?" Dib asked angrily.
Zim slammed his hand down on his desk and glared at Dib. "Nonsense! I had much to do!"
He shook his fist at Zita angrily. "SO MUCH"
"EWWWWWWW." She responded again. Zim then realized how BAD it sounded and quickly sat back in his seat.
Then the INTERCOM spoke up. "Greetings, children of Earth! This is your new skool announcer! A special surprise mandatory field trip is happening for the following lucky children: Morla…Flan…Retch Rutchie…Zita…The Letter M…"
The person kept reading names and read EVERYONE…except Zim. Dib's eyes widened.
"All these children get to go to a special place made entirely of food…I like food. Now check this out! WORD TO YOUR MOTHERS!!!" The intercome person began BEAT-BOXING into the intercom. Zim twiddled his thumbs, looked left, then right, and, satisfied that nobody was watching HIM, pressed a bytton on a remote control he'd tucked into his shirt pocket and the intercom shut off.
"Good! GO! All of you!" Ms. Bitters growled, pointing at the door, glad to be RID of them all. But while the others piled out happily, Dib approached Ms. Bitters, arms crossed.
"Hey, what about Zim? Why isn't he going?"
Zim gave Dib a look of stupidity. "I guess I'm just not smart enough." He said.
It was VERY convincing. So much so that Chunk whacked him on the side of the head as he left. "Yeah, STUPID! Doi!" He crossed his eyes and stuck his tongue out at Zim, then laughed, walking out of the door and making farty noises with his arms.
Zim rubbed his head and then a sad violin began to play. "Oh, it hurts me to se all you... dirty monsters go off to have so much FUN! Alas, I guess I'll just have to stay and study harder!"
"Watch him CLOSELY, Ms. Bitters." Dib insisted as he left the room. Ms. Bitters frowned, then looked outside the window and down to see a kid playing a violin.
"GET OUTTA HERE!!" She snapped.
Dib finally piled onto the bus, noticing there was a DOOR separating them from the driver , and a small window like a submarine window on said door. "Hey, when did they start putting the driver behind a door?" He wondered as he went to find a seat and took one between Spoo and Rob.
"Oh, man! He's sitting near us!" Rob groaned as he and Spoo got up, moving to the back.
Dib got up and turned to face them all. "Okay, I know what you're gonna say, but I think there's something seriously wrong about this whole surprise field trip thing!"
Sara shook her head. "Oh DIB, you are so weird. But God loves you anyhow."
MEANWHILE…
"Now, pull out your text book and begin memorizing the copyright information. You will be quizzed on this!"
Zim looked down at the book, then out the window, seeing the bus was moving away from the school. "Ms. Bitters, I have…"
He stood up. A MIGHTY NEED…" Then he sat back down! "To use the restroom once again."
"Fine, but that's your last restroom break for the rest of the school year." She stated.
Zim saluted, then ran out of the classroom, heading for the bathroom where GIR was beat-boxing in the large "handicapped" stall. He held up the remote control and smirked. "I shut it off, GIR. It worked."
GIR, in his disguise, holding a microphone-like device up to his face STILL kept beat-boxing. It was apparently attached to the stall wall.
Zim rolled his eyes. "Let's go home." He said as GIR hopped off the toilet. "Phase 2 is under way."
"Ooh, that's my FAVORITE phase!" GIR said, clapping his hands.
As Zim and GIR left the bathroom, Zim pressed another button on the control and the device on the wall began to glow red. Soon Zim and GIR began to teleport out, ANOTHER nifty function of the device. "This will leave no evidence!"
Another kid in the batroom saw the stall next to him was glowing. He blinked then looked down.
"I don't wanna be another ELVIS!" he shouted, rushing for the door. And it was a good thing too, because the explosion knocked the toilet clear into the sky!
Meanwhile, Dib was looking out the bus window…and frowning. What is this? We've been passing the same stuff over and over again!" He remarked to Aki and Melvin. Melvin was licking a lollipop while looking at a dog that appeared to be a yellow retriever. "I mean, look at that dog! That dog's gone by four, maybe five times already!" Dib insisted.
Aki frowned. "So, what's wrong with the dog?"
Chunk leaned over from the row BEHIND Aki and Melvin. "Yeah, I like the dog!" He insisted.
Dib ran to the door where the bus driver was and went inside the room. Rob rolled his eyes. "DIB."
"Yeah. DIB." Flan remarked, also rolling his eyes.
Dib looked out the window that was inside the driver's area seeing they were in a desert area with a few odd structures.
"…uh…excuse me-" He began.
The driver turned around, speaking with an oddly mechanical voice. "Go back to your seat, young man, and keep your arms and legs inside the bus!"
Dib frowned. "Um…look, I couldn't help but notice ye-"
BOINK!
The driver's neck extended and his face opened up and revealing a monitor screen, showing Zim was inside his underground lab and out of his disguise. "Hello Dib!" He crowed.
Dib's long scythe-like hair hung down in front of his face as he twitched. "I KNEW IT!" He snapped. "This wouldn't be as much fun without you sticking your smelly nose in here." Transmitting from inside his lab, Zim looked at the giant monitor that showed Dib's face while GIR sat next to him, munching walnuts.
"As you may have already guessed, this is a trap. You're really one of the only people who can appreciate the amazingness of this plan, so I'll let you in on what it is. Actually, I'll let you SEE." He remarked.
Zim pressed a button on a control panel console that showed off a diagram of the bus. "Look out the window now…" He remarked.
Well, Dib did…and he saw ROCKETS pop up from the compartment top of the bus as wings unfolded from the sides. The tires flipped into a new position and VOOOOOM! Up the bus went into the air, clear through the atmosphere and into SPACE…with Dib screaming all the while.
Naturally, the other students heard the screaming.
"Listen to him. Weirdo." Sara remarked.
"You SURE God loves him?" Aki asked.
"Yeah, EVEN HIM." Sara insisted. "But it's a CONDITIONAL love, of course…"
Dib clawed at the window, panic filling him as Zim smirked. "My mission might not be as exciting without you around to annoy me. But it will be more... pleasant."
Dib wheeled back to face him, frowning. "Then why not send only ME up here?!" He demanded.
Zim spread his arms out, a nasty grin on his face, and the bus driver robot repeated the arm-spread gesture. "Always so GALLANT!" Zim laughed. "Thinking of your fellow monkeys! Well it's simple…your fellow bus mates all smelled their fates the moment they stood in the way of my mission of doom." Zim said coldly, glaring evilly at Zim. He then let out a satisfied hiss, "Ah, but you, destroying you will be the greatest victory!"
Dib clenched his fist. "You won't get away with this, Zim!!!"
Zim snickered. "Heh-heh-heh!"
"Where are my WALNUTS?!" GIR asked.
"Quiet, GIR, we went over this before! And I've already gotten away with it, Dib-stink! See, look out the window! I would say I've got away with it pretty nicely."
"Yeah, launching enemies into space?!? That's your plan!?! This is crazy!" Dib said, tugging on his hair.
Zim raised a clawed digit up and shook it. "Ah-ah-AH! Launching you into space is just the first part of my plan! Now is where the fun really starts!"
Suddenly a swirling vortex of blue light appeared in front of the bus. Dib gasped as they flew straight into it with a VWOOMP!
"A WORMHOLE?! Is that…a WORMHOLE?"
"Yep! Impressed yet?" Zim asked.
"Yeah, pretty nice! I'll admit it's better than just launching us into space!" Dib complimented. Then the stretching came. WOOOOOP! His entire body felt like it was being put into a stretcher as his was slammed into the side of the wall and the bus shook wildly…even though the windows STILL showed that dog walking down the sidewalk.
"Road's gettin' bumpy!" Aki remarked.
"That's a great dog." Chunk said wistfully.
Dib slid down the wall and groaned and rubbed his head as Zim rubbed his chin. "The wormhole is only phase 2 of my scheme."
"There's MORE?" Dib asked.
"SO much more!" Zim laughed as he pressed some buttons on a control panel nearby. "You know, I was up all night researching many different wormholes with many possible outcomes. It was very difficult deciding which would be the most horrible for you! Why, one wormhole would have spat you out into a dimension of pure itching!"
BOOP! The monitor on the driver-bot's head showed off a strange place filled with green mist. "There. See? You can't really tell but that stuff's really itchy."
BOOP! Another dimension appeared on the screen. "Another would've sent you to a dimension of pure dooky!"
"MOTHER OF HELL!!!" Dib screamed, eyes bugging out three feet from their sockets as his mouth opened so wide that you could have stuffed a basketball into it.
Zim smirked. "But I chose this particular wormhole especially for the occasion. You see, at the end of this wormhole lies... a room... with a moose!"
BOOP! The monitor showed a pure white room with an ENORMOUS moose in it. Dib screamed. "NOOOOO-wait…wait a minute. Did you just say…a room…with a MOOSE?!"
Zim smirked. "Yes! Your fear is overwhelming, no?" He asked, his face appearing on a smaller monitor to the side.
Dib shook his head. "Uh, NO." He mumbled, shrugging. "Seriously, what's so scary about a room with a stupid moose in it? I mean, yeah, that's a big moose, but really."
Zim grinned nastily. "Oh, I will show you. Prepare your bladder for imminent release!"
Dib rolled his eyes as a compartment on the front bumper of the bus oepend up and a large amount of walnuts shot out and went deep through the wormhole.
"Uh, are those walnuts?" Dib asked.
"Yep!" Zim said.
"MY WALNUTS!" GIR groaned. "NOOOOO!"
"Watch the monitor, Dib. Watch it carefully." Zim whispered.
Well, Dib looked closely as the moose began to chew on the walnuts, with shards of the walnuts falling to the ground in super-slow motion…
A terrible, nameless fear gripped him.
A ROOM…
WITH A MOOSE!
"NO! NO! NOOOOO!" Dib howled.
The monitor showed a full view of Zim as he clasped his claws together. " Now, Dib. I leave you to your... em…" He blinked. "Er…uh…"
"Moosey fate, say moosey fate!" GIR asked.
"Okay. I leave you to your moosey fate." Zim said. GIR began laughing, and after hesitating, Zim started laughing too. "Ha-ha-ha-ha! You're getting better at this "evil stuff", GIR!"
"The voices in my head tell me to burn things!" GIR said as the bus driver's head closed up, returning to normal, the monitor vanishing.
Dib quickly ran to the door, opened it up, then ran to the others as the door shut.
"Everyone! We're in a wormhole! Zim has launched us into a wormhole and we're flying towards something horrible! Something just horrible!" He screamed.
A ROOM...WITH A MOOOOOOSE!!!
Rob, however, simply snuck up behind him and gave him wedgie, lifting him clear up the ground. "OOOOOOH!" Dib howled.
Zim, meanwhile, who had cameras hidden in the bus, watched still frames of Dib getting the wedgie and took a sip of a grape soda as some jazzy music played.
"Da-da-da-da-daaaa…"
"Ahhhh." He said as Dib was slowly lifted up and given the wedgie AGAIN. "Classic."
BONK!
Dib fell to the ground and crawled back to his seat…making everyone move over to the LEFT side of the bus t get away from him. Dib looked out the window and saw…yes, that dog was still there. Running along the sidewalk and barking…
"Wait! There might still be hope! I can use my computer to plot out the course of the wormhole!" He realized, turning to look at his backpack. He took out his laptop and a strange device while Chunk held up his fist.
"I'm gonna punch you in your wormhole!"
The other students laughed. Dib just rolled his eyes as he attached the device to the window of the bus, and it hooked a cable to Dib's laptop, showing a diagram of the wormhole…and a FORK in said wormhole!
"There! Just ahead! A fork in the wormhole! The left leads directly to the room with the moose…but to the right…" He smiled happily. "Earth!...HOME…"
WHACK!
A wad of paper bounced off his head. Dib looked at them angrily and was about to say something when his laptop began beeping. Looking at it, he saw there was a timer that read that he had only a MINUTE left before they reached the fork!
"Okay, Dib. Before you really try to think of a way out of this, think about what that would mean. On one hand, you'd be saving yourself." He looked at the students. "On the other hand, you'd also be saving... them!"
His eyes narrowed as Jessica laughed at him. "Look! He's talking to himself again!"
"GRR…you guys are just begging to face the moose!!!" He hissed as the students laughed. But then he remembered Zim's words. "My mission might not be as exciting without you around to annoy me. But it will be more... pleasant."
Dib stood up and shook his head. No! No matter how awfully his own people may have treated him and CONTINUED to treat him, he felt it was his duty to save them. "Without me the Earth is doomed! I can't let Zim run free, not while there's still hope!" He turned to the others. "Everyone! I think I've got a plan! If we all move over to the right side of the bus, we just might be able to steer this thing clear of the moose room! Come on! We can go home!"
"Uh, if we go over there, then we'd be near you." Rob told him, frowning.
"Which doesn't sound cool." Jessica said.
"Do you see our dilemma?" Morla asked.
Dib tore at his hair, the image of the moose BURNING into his brain. "Hurry! There isn't much time! The moose! The MOOOOSE!"
THE ROOM WITH A MOOOOOOOOOOSE!!!
20 seconds…19…18…17…
"Now he's talking about a moose?" Chunk wondered.
Dib looked at the laptop. There wasn't much time left. He sighed…
Then walked to the other side of the bus, sitting next to Jessica. IMMEDIATELY everyone else got up and ran to the right side of the bus…
Which leaned to the right…and took the fork that plopped them RIGHT outside the school. Granted, it was nighttime, but they were home, and one by one the students piled out.
"What a stupid field trip!" Sara mumbled.
"Almost as stupid as Dib!" Rob laughed.
"Yeah, ALMOST. I wonder sometimes if God REALLY loves him!" Sara said.
"I'm gonna miss that dog." Chunk said wistfully.
Dib grinned, taking a deep breath of fresh air and leapt out onto the sidewalk, standing there with a heroic stance. Zim's plan was thwarted, he'd gotten out of school early...he'd salvaged what could have been a terrible day!
Meanwhile, Zim angrily pounded on the control panel, snarling…and GIR did the same, but he squeaked as he pounded it.
"NO, NO, NOOOO!"Zim howled. "The moose has failed me!" He hissed, stepping away from the control panel and heading out. GIR, meanwhile, picked up the remote control for the omntiro and changed the channel on the giant monitor to make "The Scary Monkey Show" appear.
"I LOVE this show." He said happily.
…
…
…
…"Class, I want you to meet your newest member." Nick said, gesturing to the side as a blond-haired child stepped into the classroom. He had a long ponytail, a green t-shirt with dark green pants and brown shows…all of the clothes looked old and faded, and he had very…VERY white eyes…
"This is Darth Lee. He's the son of an old friend of mine, Mark, who…sadly, is no longer with us. So I'm taking custody of him ever since the police found him in the woods."
"I've been living large for 4 years, my hobbies are taking care of business by taking care of plants." The 9-year-old boy said nervously. His voice made it clear he wasn't used to speaking normally. "And I'm blind as a bat! I've heard some nasty things about this place though…"
"Like what?" Nick asked.
"You check in, but ya don't check out! I'll tell you my life story later, film at eleven!" DL remarked.
"So I'll lead you to your seat. I want you all to be very accepting of DL, okay?" Nick asked as he lead his friend Mark's son to his seat, which was across from Gaz. "And another thing…tomorrow I'll be away at a press conference, reporting for your school newspaper because the teacher who was supposed to be the representative came down with a very fatal case of head pigeons." Nick shook his head sadly. "It was like something from "The Birds…GOD…"
DL sat across from Gaz, who looked him over. "You talk kind of funny." She said.
"Righty-o, by George. I wish they could fix me up like new with a 90-day warrantee, but they can't rebuild me, they don't got the technology!" DL said.
"WHY do you talk like that?" She asked.
"TV!" DL said. "I talk TV!"
"Yes, apparently he's been learning how to speak from watching TV through the windows of RVS that visited the national park he's been living in." Nick explained.
"Want some advice on how to survive here?" Gaz asked.
"Yes please, and on how I can save fifteen percent on car insurance!" DL stated, blinking his unseeing eyes as he turned in the direction of her voice.
"DON'T PISS ME OFF." Gaz hissed.
DL gulped and nervously bit his lip.
It was a good thing he was blind, but the others could tell their teacher was bothered by SOMETHING. And it was something BIG. Jhonen was still in the hospital, his condition not getting worse…NOR better. Nick couldn't stop worrying. That crazy fan had STABBED Jhonen and he wasn't even completely sure WHY! He was sure that Jhonen couldn't have been hurt!
Was it possible a "real worlder" was the only thing that could kill a Creator?
...well, at least things couldn't get worse.
Of course…he would be proven wrong. He had forgotten that the universe jinxed things.
Author's Note:
Soon Season Two's will meet it's end. And WHAT an end it's going to be! Well, I certainly hope you enjoyed the chapter. Remember to review!