Here's the latest chapter, hot off the presses! I felt like I had something else to say in this author's note but now that I'm actually writing it, I forgot what it was. Probably wasn't important, but still... clenches fist. I love not remembering shit. Anyways, if I remember what it was I wanted to say I'll put it in some other author's note somewhere provided it was important, and if you know... I remember. That's all from me today, please enjoy the chapter!

who you are in the dark

chapter twenty one

nightmare

Once she was done speaking, the bridge lapsed into a silence that could almost be described as oppressive.

Allura weathered it, keeping her head held high. She couldn't look away, however much she wanted to. That would be taking the easy way out, and she could not allow herself to do that. Not when she was just as responsible for Keith's fate as Haggar was.

It had been her choice to accompany them to the transportation hub, and her choice to infiltrate the Galra cruiser. Everyone else had wanted to leave, but she alone had insisted that getting the information was worth the risk. But that had been when she thought that she would be the only one put in danger if they were caught- she never could have imagined that anyone else would have paid the price for her choice.

So she watched. Watched as shock turned to confusion, to hurt, to betrayal and anger- vivid emotions playing out across their faces, with no two paladins reacting quite the same. Hunk was stunned, confused, and more than a little hurt. Lance was the same at first, but then he ducked his head, clenching his fists in anger. Pidge was much the same as him, but instead of ducking her head, she directed her anger towards a singular source- her.

"Why didn't you tell us this sooner?" Pidge demanded.

"I thought it would be better to wait." Allura told her, which suddenly felt like a very weak excuse to her ears. "Voltron was in a vulnerable state, and I didn't think-"

"You're damn right you didn't think!" Pidge yelled, narrowing her eyes. "We could have spent those two weeks looking for Keith, looking for answers, and you just lied to us! Just like you did with Zarkon and the Black Lion."

"Look for Keith?" Lance snorted, now glaring at Pidge instead of the floor. "Why would we do that? So he can show us just how buddy buddy he is with Lotor now?"

Hunk shifted on his feet, glancing uncomfortably over towards Lance. "Lance, I don't think-"

"Don't think what, Hunk? That Keith's not a traitor?" Lance cut him off, taking them all by surprise at how quickly he snapped at his friend, but probably no one more than Hunk. "I mean, did we ever really even know him? We've been worried sick about him, and he's been working for the Galra!"

Hunk flinched, staring down at his feet. "Maybe... maybe he has a reason?"

"What kind of reason could he possibly have?" Lance asked, narrowing his eyes. "I mean, how do we even know he was ever on our side in the first place?"

Allura paled. "Lance, you cannot meant that."

"Yeah, well maybe I do." Lance said, before his shoulders slumped, some of his anger giving way to hurt. "He attacked us. And don't try to pretend that wasn't him in that royal fighter. That had to be Keith."

"You realized it then, didn't you?" Pidge asked, staring at her. "Why didn't you- why didn't you say something?"

"I," Allura began, "-I wanted to wait for Shiro to wake up."

Everyone went silent at that, as if it had only just dawned on them that Shiro hadn't said a single word. Slowly, Allura turned towards him, quickly realizing that he was still in a state of shock.

"Shiro?" She cautiously asked.

At the sound of his name, he started. Slowly, he turned towards her, his eyes glazed over- and, she realized a tick too late- feverish. He opened his mouth to say something, but no sound came out. He tried again to similar effect, only this time he also attempted to walk forward, but very quickly grew unsteady on his feet.

Hunk just barely caught him in the nick of time.

"Is he-?" Pidge asked.

Hunk pressed his hand against Shiro's forehead, then shook his head. "He's got a bad fever. I think... I think maybe today was too much for him."

"He did just get out of the pod." Coran said. "He's probably still weak from being in it for so long. The shock was probably too much for him."

Allura felt a stab of guilt at that. She knew that she should have let him rest, and yet she had rushed into investigating the rift anyways. On top of that, she had given what was likely the worst possible news he could get, second only to announcing Keith's death. She'd known how close he was to him, so she should have tried to tackle the situation with a bit more tact, and not nearly as quickly. Now his condition had worsened, and she was to blame for it.

"We should let him get some rest." Allura said. "I think we all could do with some rest. Today was a long day."

Pidge looked up at her, looking as if she wanted to say something, but chose not to. Instead she clenched her fists, tearing her gaze away. "Fine. But someone should probably stay up to watch Shiro."

"We can do it in shifts." Coran said. "I can take the first one."

"I'll take the second." Allura volunteered.

"Third." Lance said, though his tone was still noticeably sour. He was back to glaring at the ground, half lost in his own thoughts. "Hunk can take the fourth."

Hunk opened his mouth, for a second looking like he wanted to protest Lance picking his shift for him, then shrugged, careful not to disturb Shiro. "Fourth's fine with me."

"Guess I'll take the last one." Pidge said.

"Good, then it's agreed." Allura said. "Hunk, do you think you'll need a hand with Shiro?"

Hunk nodded, his eyes darting over towards Lance. Usually he would be the one to offer him a hand, but she didn't think Lance was in the best of moods right now. She had grossly underestimated just how poorly he would take the news.

"Yeah," Hunk said finally, looking back at her, "-thanks."

Pidge scoffed, muttering something barely audible underneath her breath. Coran, who was closer and could hear her, bristled, but she sent him a sharp look, silently warning him not to say anything. Right now everyone just needed some time to process all of this on their own- they could discuss it later.

It wasn't like Pidge was wrong anyways. She had every right to be mad at her. They all did. She had kept something of critical importance from them, and had cost them all valuable time. She thought she had been doing the right thing, but perhaps she had only been protecting her own interests.

Just look at what she had put poor Shiro through.

"He'll be fine though, right?" Hunk asked, as she helped lift Shiro by his legs. She could carry him on her own, but she got the feeling that Hunk needed to be doing something at the moment. "I mean, he's not..."

"I can scan his vitals, if you like." Coran offered. "But odds are, it's probably just exhaustion. That and a bit of a fever."

Hunk heaved a sigh of relief, his shoulders sagging slightly. "Okay. That's good."

Allura said nothing, merely offered him a weak smile, which he accepted. Together, they carefully carried Shiro to his room, setting him down on his bed. He didn't stir, and his breaths came out a bit hot, but at least they seemed steady.

"We should probably get him out of that armor, huh." Hunk said, barely even looking at her.

"We should." Allura agreed. "Hunk, about Keith-"

"I know." Hunk said. "I know, but can we just... not talk about it right now? I just need some time to think it all over."

Allura nodded, accepting that. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to keep it from you all, I only thought..."

Hunk looked up at her. "I know. You were trying to do the right thing. With Shiro in the pod..."

Again, Allura nodded. "I am afraid I just made a mistake instead."

Hunk shook his head, even as he busied himself, carefully removing the upper half of Shiro's armor. "I don't think this is a situation that has an easy right answer. You did what you thought was right, so I don't think you should beat yourself up over it."

She frowned slightly at the odd turn of phrase. "Pidge-"

"Pidge will come around." Hunk said. "She's just upset, and she's taking it out on you. She shouldn't be."

Allura heaved a sigh. Perhaps he was right. Trying to put it from her mind, she helped Hunk remove the rest of Shiro's armor- it was a testament to how exhausted he was that he didn't stir even once during the whole process. She caught Hunk checking his pulse out of the corner of her eye when he thought she wasn't looking, and pretended like she hadn't noticed. She couldn't exactly blame him for being worried.

"Was it him?" Hunk suddenly asked.

Allura blinked, caught off guard by the sudden question. "Who?"

"Keith." Hunk said. "In the- in the Weblum."

"Oh." Allura frowned, then slowly nodded. She hadn't given it a lot of thought, but it must have been. "Yes, I think so."

"He was- he looked so different." Hunk muttered. "I didn't even recognize him."

"He was wearing a helmet. One that hid his face." Allura quickly pointed out, though having actually seen images of him, she had to agree. "You said so yourself."

"Yeah, but still." Hunk said, his brows knitting together. "What if- what if he needs our help? I was right there, and he was right there, and I didn't- I didn't even know."

"It's not your fault." Allura told him. "No one could have foreseen this."

"I know, I just... I just wish I hadn't let him go." Hunk said.

Sensing that he didn't mean in the Weblum, Allura stared down at the helmet in her hands. It was Shiro's, that of the black paladin. She thought of how he'd had to fight Zarkon for control of the black lion, and wondered if she would ever have to do that with Keith.

She didn't want to. She hoped that she was right, that he simply felt he had no other option but to join Lotor or that perhaps... perhaps he had some other motivation she didn't know about. One that didn't equal betrayal, even if it looked like it on the surface.

It was nice to know she wasn't the only one to feel that way.

"You should get some rest." Allura finally told him. "Take some time to think it over, like you said."

Hunk frowned, before slowly nodding. "Yeah. Yeah, you're probably right. Today was pretty crazy."

Allura said nothing to that, busying herself with Shiro's helmet, carefully placing it next to the rest of the armor. Thankfully, Coran arrived not long after, all but shooing Hunk out of the room, insisting that he get some sleep- or at the very least get out of his armor before he started stress baking this time.

"You should rest too, Princess." Coran told her.

"I know." Allura admitted. "But I don't think I am quite up to it."

"Never know until you try." Coran said. "I'll watch over Number One here."

"Thank you, Coran." Allura told him, before pausing. "And I am sorry. It wasn't just the paladins. I kept this from you as well."

"I'm only sorry I didn't realize sooner." Coran told her. "You shouldn't have had to carry that weight all by yourself. It couldn't have been easy."

"No," Allura admitted, "-it wasn't."

"Keeping secrets never is." Coran said. "Especially not ones as painful as this."

"Do you really think he betrayed us, Coran?" Allura asked suddenly.

Coran simply shook his head. "I'm afraid that's not a question I can answer, Princess. I wish I could. I'd do anything to spare you from having to go through that pain for a second time."

Allura merely sighed. She supposed she was long since past the time where Coran knew the answers to all of her questions. "I suppose you're right. I probably should at least try to get some rest."

Coran hummed in agreement, and she left before he could shoo her out like he had Hunk. Strangely, instead of heading to her room like she intended, she found her feet leading her down a different path- down towards the red lion's hangar.

She didn't question it, just let them guide her. The red lion almost seemed to be waiting for her, lowered so that she had easy access to its cockpit. Climbing up the ramp, she made her way to the pilot's seat, closing her eyes and telling herself that she was just going to shut them for a short while. It was hardly becoming to fall asleep in one's lion.

She was asleep within mere seconds of thinking that.

Keith stalked off without waiting for Lotor's debriefing.

Nobody moved to stop him, though Acxa did glare in his direction. His tail lashed angrily behind him, a clear signal to his mood. The whole thing had left a sour taste in his mouth, but more importantly, he was worried about the paladins. If Voltron had still been active but wasn't moving, then it had to mean that something was wrong with the paladins, not it.

Lotor might know, but even if he asked, he didn't think he'd tell him. Voltron's role in his little scheme was pretty much over now, so he got the feeling the prince turned emperor didn't care if they lived or died. He'd never say as much to his face, but he didn't have to be a genius to figure that out.

He found himself in the training room, though he hadn't really planned where he was going. Removing his bayard from his belt, it flashed into a sword as he stalked forward into the room. He knew he needed to do something about all this anger that was bubbling up inside of him, but he didn't really have a good outlet for it. All he could do was train, and hope that some of it went away in the process.

So that's exactly what he did.

He tore through the first training robot with ease. He was getting better at fighting with his new height in mind, though sometimes he still made obvious mistakes. He still hadn't won any matches with Ezor or Zethrid, and sometimes he suspected that they were just toying with him.

But he'd made progress, to the point where he probably couldn't go back to fighting like he used to. Not that he ever would- he hadn't realized it until later, but he'd been holding out a slim hope that once he was free from the constant injections of quintessence, he might start looking a little more human again. Unfortunately that hadn't happened, leaving him once and for all to realize that the change in his appearance was permanent. There was no going back.

He took out the second robot, pausing only for a second to catch his breath before he called the third. He had more stamina now, and didn't get tired as easily. He'd always had more than normal, but now it was clear that it came from a place that wasn't human. It was because he had alien blood in his veins- Galra blood.

It wasn't something he could escape from.

Especially not now that he looked like this. The thought caused his fur to bristle as he ducked into the guard of the training robot, barely pausing to blink as he swiftly decapitated it without so much as a second thought. The sound of its head hitting the floor caught his ears, and only then did he stop to think about what he had done, letting out a long, shuddering breath.

That was an aggressive move, even for him.

He sighed, his shoulders slumping. Sometimes it felt like he was just becoming more Galra. Like his insides were trying to match up to his outside. Like it wasn't just a skin he wore anymore, but just what he was- who he was. He was Galra, inescapably Galra, and as he lived and breathed it, his own humanity felt like it was becoming more distant.

He didn't like it, but what could he do? It wasn't like he could go back. Not to Earth, not to Voltron. This was his only option.

Aside from going back to Haggar, and letting her finish whatever it was she was trying to accomplish with him. At first he thought she'd just been trying to make him more Galra, but the more familiar he got with his own body and the new set of instincts that came with it, the more he wondered if that was all.

Growling in frustration, Keith plopped down on the floor, his tail flicking out of the way. He hadn't mediated in awhile. Maybe he should.

Closing his eyes, he rested his bayard sword over his lap. Taking in a deep breath, he tried to steady his breathing, quiet his thoughts. It had seemed so easy while he had been in Haggar's prison, but now it eluded him. That just made him try harder- maybe there was nothing he could do about being entrenched in Galra culture, but he didn't want to risk losing that thin thread of humanity that he still clung to.

His name, his memories, his thoughts and feelings... those were all he had left, and even then sometimes he felt his grip on the latter was tenuous at best. Which meant he had to try harder. He couldn't let his anger overtake him like this. He wasn't sure he'd like who he'd become if he did.

He was so focused that he barely even noticed when someone entered. They simply hovered a good distance away, trying to gauge what he was doing. It was only once he caught a whiff of their scent, that he realized he wasn't alone. Cracking open an eye, he glanced behind him- sure enough, it was Acxa.

He wondered if that was a Galra thing, being able to pick up on individual scents. It wasn't like he ever asked, even if he probably should. He had a million questions about his body, but having Adam give him The Talk had been mortifying enough, he didn't exactly want to hear about even non-puberty related changes to his body from a bunch of half-Galra women who were all older than him.

(Lotor, naturally, was completely out of the question.)

"Look, I'm sorry I blew off the debriefing, but I just wasn't in the mood." Keith said.

"You're not sorry." Acxa said. "You never are."

There was a familiarity to her words that caused his fur to stand on end. He kept telling himself that he'd been trying to avoid his fellow Generals, but he knew in truth he'd been doing a lousy job of it. Heaving a sigh, he resigned himself to the fact that avoiding them was impossible. They were part of the same crew. They worked alongside one another. Maybe it was just time he accepted it.

(It still didn't mean he had to like them, he told himself. Even if he was slowly starting to see them more as people.)

"Did Lotor send you here to lecture me?" Keith asked.

"No." Acxa said. "Lotor didn't send me."

Keith frowned, now properly looking back at her. "So what, you just came to lecture me on your own?"

"I'm not here to lecture you." Acxa said.

Keith's frown deepened, his brows knitting together. "So... why are you here? If you need the training room, I can-"

"You're worried about the paladins." Acxa cut him off.

Narrowing his eyes, Keith's tail briefly stilled, before it resumed movement. It was rarely ever still. "So what if I am?"

Acxa held his gaze, before she looked away, off towards a wall. "You shouldn't. They're fine."

Keith blinked, for a second unsure if he heard her right. It sounded a lot like Acxa was trying to make him feel better, which didn't match up to what he expected from her at all. And yet... it sort of did. She hadn't told Lotor about his panic attack either, and she had admitted that she cared about him, if only begrudgingly as a fellow general.

He'd just assumed she'd meant that she didn't want him to inconvenience them by dying or something like that. He'd had plenty of people in the past tell him they cared, only for it to turn out to be lip service. He hadn't even stopped to entertain the idea that Acxa might not be one of those people.

"How do you," Keith swallowed, "-how do you know?"

"Lotor's simulations showed that there was a chance that those traveling between realities could potentially briefly lose consciousness." Acxa explained. "We also left a drone behind."

Keith let those words sink in. They were fine. The paladins were fine. Shiro was fine. After weeks of worrying, it felt like a weight being lifted off of his shoulders.

It didn't lift by much, but it lifted. He still didn't have confirmation that was Shiro in the black lion. He didn't know who else it could be, but he knew replacing a paladin was possible. Allura and the red lion were proof enough of that.

"Why are you telling me this?" Keith asked, uncertain. Was this some kind of test?

"I just thought you should know." Acxa said, her expression nearly unreadable. "I didn't want it to impact your performance."

Huh. That seemed... vague, somehow. Tilting his head, he studied Acxa, but he couldn't glean anything from her face. "I... thanks?"

"Don't mention it." Acxa said shortly, then frowned. "What exactly is it that you were doing?"

"Meditation." Keith said, recalling how Ezor hadn't known what it was either. He guessed it wasn't big among the Galra. "It's uh, a relaxation technique. From Earth."

He expected Acxa to just leave it there, but to his surprise, she made her way towards him. He tensed up a bit as she did, suddenly realizing that he was in a slightly vulnerable position- before he relaxed. He was almost positive that he had more value to Lotor alive than dead, especially now that he had the raw material for those ships he wanted to build. Presumably, he wanted him to pilot one of them, though he hadn't said as much.

That was all he had managed to gather about Lotor's plans thus far- that he intended to use ore from the comet to build ships of his own. Somehow they would bring peace to the Galra Empire and by extension, the universe, though he didn't know exactly how- or if Lotor was even telling the truth. He had to admit, if his desire for peace was just an act, then it was one he was pretty devoted to. Maybe he did want peace, just on his terms.

But he knew enough to know how dangerous something like that could be.

"Can you teach me?" Acxa asked, sitting down across from him.

Keith's brows knit together, staring at her in puzzlement. "You want me to teach you how to mediate?"

"Yes." Acxa said. "Is that a problem?"

"No." Keith said. "I just didn't think the Galra were big on mindfulness."

"They're not." Acxa admitted. "But I didn't think you were either."

He bristled at the comment, opening his mouth to protest- before he snapped it shut. He guessed he probably hadn't exactly given off the best impression. "It's not my strong suit. Shiro tried to teach me back on Earth, but I could never get the hang of it."

"Shiro?" Acxa asked- and Keith instantly went tense again. He hadn't meant to talk to her about Shiro. "You mean the black paladin?"

"Yeah." Keith said shortly, vaguely grateful she at least hadn't called him the Champion. Shiro hated that name. "That's the one."

Acxa peered at him curiously. "You make it sound like you were close."

Keith turned away, his tail flicking in annoyance behind him. This wasn't a subject he wanted to get into, not with Acxa of all people. She probably just told Lotor everything he said. If he didn't already know how close he was to Shiro- or how close he used to be, he wasn't about to tell him.

"Look," he said instead, "-do you want to learn how to mediate or not?"

Acxa narrowed her eyes. "If you don't want to talk about it-"

"I don't." Keith said. He didn't know if she was trying to fish for information or not, but it felt like it, and he didn't like it.

Acxa studied him a second longer, before she mimicked his posture. "Teach me then."

For a moment, Keith debated turning her down. He had no reason to teach her, or to spend any time with her at all. He wasn't trying to make friends. He didn't want to make friends. All he wanted to do was survive this.

But part of him also recognized that he was painfully lonely. He'd gotten a taste of friendship with the paladins, and now that that was gone, he found that he just couldn't go back to being alone the way he was used to. It was just like when Shiro had disappeared, but worse.

"Fine," he finally said, "-just know that I might not be the best teacher."

"I'll keep that in mind." Acxa promised.

Huffing, Keith curled his tail around his legs. His bayard had long since resumed it's new default shape, so he hitched it back onto his belt without a second thought.

He didn't trust Acxa, but he trusted her not to kill him. He could chafe at it all he wanted, but he was one of them now. This was no longer the enemy's ship, as it had been when he'd first boarded it- but it wasn't home either.

He didn't know where home was anymore.

He jolted awake, flung out of sleep in the throes of a half-remembered nightmare.

Panting heavily, Shiro's right hand dug into the fabric of what he dimly recognized to be his sheets, his other resting over his heart. It was still pounding wildly, cold sweat plastering his hair to his neck as he tried to get his thoughts under control. He'd had an awful dream, which was nothing unusual for him, but the subject matter had been completely different from what he was used to.

Even now it was fading from his memory, but what he could recall of it was enough. He had been back at the Garrison with Keith, at the Kerberos launch. He didn't remember what was said, just remembered the color of Keith's eyes changing, pupils vanishing to give way to a sickly shade of Galra yellow, as hands reached out to grab him...

He felt a hand on his shoulder and yelped, reflexively activating his right arm. Whoever it was quickly scrambled back, and slowly he realized that it wasn't some Galra- it was Pidge. Pidge, who staring warily at his arm, like she half expected him to lunge at her with it.

Heaving a long sigh, he deactivated his arm, letting it hang limply by his side. He was in his quarters, but he had no memory of actually getting there.

"Shiro?" Pidge asked, still a bit cautious. She was dressed in her casual clothes, though they looked a little more rumpled than usual. "You okay?"

Drawing in a deep breath, Shiro nodded. "Yeah. Sorry, I didn't mean to scare you."

"Bad dream?" Pidge asked, sounding sympathetic.

"Something like that." Shiro said, giving her a weak smile.

He didn't know why he'd had a dream like that. His stomach churned with guilt, thinking back to the image of Galra eyes superimposed over Keith's otherwise familiar face. They'd looked monstrous, making Keith look monstrous- not at all like the kid he'd grown so fond of.

Why would he even have a dream like that?

"Yeah, I guess you would." Pidge said. "I mean, after what Allura told us..."

Pidge's words sent a cold spike of fear through him, unwanted memories bubbling to the surface. He'd nearly forgotten in the fog of sleep, but Allura had told them all something, hadn't she? Once they were all back on the bridge after escaping from that awful alternate reality, she'd...

Suddenly, he understood his nightmare better.

Pidge's face fell. "You forgot, didn't you?"

"I need to talk to Allura." Shiro said, throwing off his covers and getting to his feet. He stumbled a bit, suddenly realizing he was actually a bit warm.

"Shiro, no." Pidge said, putting herself in front of him. "You still have a fever. You need to rest."

"But Keith-"

"Please, Shiro." Pidge pleaded. "I can get Allura for you."

Heaving a sigh, Shiro relented. He didn't want to make Pidge upset- or more upset. Sinking back down onto his bed, he just nodded, finding himself at a loss for words.

Pidge heaved a sigh, apparently relieved that he'd listened. "Just- just stay here. I'll get Allura."

"Thanks." Shiro said. "I appreciate it."

Pidge managed a weak smile, before she darted out of the room, presumably to find Allura. Closing his eyes, Shiro leaned back, resting his head against the wall. His memories were trickling back now, including things he didn't want to remember- like Allura telling them about Keith.

"We have uncovered intelligence that suggests that Keith has begun working with the Galra."

Opening his eyes, Shiro got to his feet, making his way over to the small chest where he kept his things. Cracking it open, he dug through it a bit until he found what he was looking for- a familiar photograph, one that was faded in places from being folded in on itself so many times. He had found it in Keith's room while cleaning it, in one of the pouches of his belt, and had recognized it right away.

It was the photo they'd taken together at the Kerberos launch.

Keith was smiling awkwardly at the camera, in spite of his attempts to smile naturally. He'd never quite picked up the trick of it in all the years he'd known him- he had a bunch of other photos back home of Keith with even worse, more awkward smiles, some of which actually turned around and ended up becoming downright horrifying.

He treasured every one of them.

After Keith had disappeared, he found himself as host to an almost endless parade of regrets. One of them had been the fact that he had no photos of Keith with him in space, so he'd been strangely grateful to find this one. As much as it had felt like a violation of Keith's privacy, he'd taken it, with every intention of returning it to him once they found him.

Well, they'd found him. He just had no idea if he'd ever be able to give it back- or if he'd even want it back. He couldn't imagine Keith turning on them, turning on him, but...

...but thoughts of Akira still haunted him.

There was a light knock on the door, and Shiro hastily folded the photo up, tucking it under his pillow. "Come in."

Allura entered a few seconds later. Far from the well groomed princess he was used to, her hair was a mess, and she was still in her paladin armor. It was testament to how important she thought this was that she hadn't even paused to freshen up a bit. He found a small amount of comfort in that- in the knowledge that nobody was taking this news well, or easily- it showed in the way Pidge's eyes darted towards him before she ducked out of the room, giving them both some privacy.

Keith might not have been here long, but at least he'd left behind some kind of impact.

"Pidge said you wanted to see me." Allura said.

"I did." Shiro nodded. "I should probably apologize for fainting."

"You have nothing to apologize for." Allura shook her head. "You had just gotten out of the pod, and yet I still ended up putting you through quite a lot. I should be the one to apologize."

Shiro opened his mouth to tell her that it was okay, but stopped himself. Nothing about this was okay, but that wasn't Allura's fault.

"I don't suppose there's a chance I misheard you." Shiro said.

"I am afraid not." Allura shook her head. "I had hoped that we would have good news for you when you woke, not... not this."

"This isn't your fault, Allura." Shiro told her. "I'm just... I'm not sure what to believe."

Allura frowned, taking a seat on his bed and inviting him to do the same. "What do you want to believe?"

"I want to believe in Keith." Shiro said firmly, taking a seat next to her. "I promised him once that I would never give up on him. That's a promise that I intend to stick to."

"Then you should stick to it." Allura simply said. "For what it is worth, Keith could have called the red lion to come to him a number of times now, but he has yet to do so."

"You think it would go to him?" Shiro asked.

Allura nodded. "It has refused to fight him before. It likely would."

Shiro felt something ease slightly in him at that. He knew what it was like to have to fight someone for control of a lion. To hear that Keith hadn't attempted to reclaim the red lion was encouraging, and it should have been enough to let him believe in him without any hesitation. He wanted to- this was Keith he was talking about. If Keith were the one in his shoes, he knew he would believe in him without hesitation. He should be able to do the same thing back.

But he couldn't shake the image from his nightmare. He tried to tell himself that was all it was- just a nightmare. It didn't have to mean anything. If Keith had joined the Galra Empire, joined Lotor, then he had to have a reason- he just couldn't figure out what that reason was.

Did he think they would reject him for being part Galra? He hadn't even known. Or did he think- did he think they wouldn't want him back, now that he...

He didn't actually know what Keith looked like now, he realized. Allura had mentioned his appearance had changed, become more Galra, but it wasn't like he'd actually seen it himself. He grimaced, thinking about what else she had told them- that she had reason to believe that he'd been forced to fight in the arena, and by Haggar no less. It stood to reason that if his appearance had changed, that she had something to do with it.

"You said," Shiro began, uncertain at first, "-you said you had pictures."

Allura blinked, then frowned. "I do, but... are you sure you want to see them?"

"No." Shiro confessed. "But I need to."

Allura held his gaze for a second longer, before she heaved a sigh. "Very well then. I had a feeling you would ask."

She stood up, moving to the table by his bed. She hadn't even noticed the discarded pieces of his paladin armor strewn on top of it- a quick check downwards revealed that he was only dressed in the black undersuit that went with the armor. They must have stripped him of it after they had brought him here. He couldn't say he wasn't thankful- sleeping in full armor probably wasn't that comfortable.

Which he was starting to realize was exactly what Allura had done. She nearly reached out to grab one of his gauntlets before she looked down with a start, as if only now remembering that she had never changed out of hers. Heaving a long sigh that he sensed was meant to be private, she closed her eyes, drawing in a long breath as if to steady herself.

She sat back down next to him, accessing the computer stored in her armor's gauntlet, presumably linking it to whatever system she needed to access to retrieve the image data. Somehow he didn't think it was something she had just lying around the Castle's databanks, not when she had been keeping it a secret from the past two weeks.

"I have to warn you," Allura began, "-the change is... considerable."

"Seeing as Hunk and Lance mentioned something about a tail, I kind of figured." Shiro said, trying to smooth over his own apprehension. Would he even be able to recognize Keith? Lance and Hunk hadn't, and they had actually met him- which was another thing he couldn't stop turning over in his head.

Why hadn't Keith said anything? He'd had the chance to reach out to them, but he hadn't. Did he think they wouldn't believe him? Or was he just ashamed of his appearance?

Did Lotor have something on him? Or even worse- Haggar.

Allura gave him a weak smile, and then brought up the visuals.

He almost didn't recognize him at first. If it wasn't for the familiar cut of hair, he might not have. The color was different- he found himself subconsciously reaching up to brush a hand against his forelock, wondering if it was experimentation or just trauma that had turned Keith's hair white. It didn't help that he couldn't remember where he had gotten his own smattering of white from- though in Keith's case it was more than just a smattering.

It was a shock of vivid white contrasted against purple skin- though when he squinted and looked closer, he realized it wasn't skin. It was fur. Keith's face- and presumably the rest of him, underneath his armor- was covered in purple fur, but that wasn't what caught the most attention. It wasn't even the fuzzy ears, though those did remind him too much of Sendak for him to be completely comfortable.

No, what really caught his attention were the eyes.

Somewhere in the back of his mind, something had clicked. Keith's eyes had always been unique- an odd blue-gray color that looked purple in the right light. Knowing that he was part Galra, they suddenly made sense- along with a lot of other stuff, sure, but it was the eyes that had clicked for him right away, even while he had been grappling with other much more tumultuous thoughts.

Those were gone now.

In their place was dimly glowing Galra yellow, lacking any visible pupil. He tried to take some comfort in the fact that their overall shape was the same, but couldn't.

Allura was right- the change was considerable. When he looked, he could still find traces of the Keith he recognized- the shape of his jaw, the set of his mouth. He was definitely taller, but his body shape was the same- lanky, but with muscle. Maybe if he saw him in person, the similarities would be a little more obvious, but in the ripped security cam footage sent to the Blade by Keith's own mother, of all people, they were harder to make out.

The differences were just... they were a lot. He hadn't even touched on the aforementioned tail yet, and was the footage just bad, or did he really only have eight fingers now? He wasn't sure he even wanted to find out where the missing two had gone.

He wanted to look away. Seeing Keith- even a very different Keith- wearing Galra armor was tough to take. The fact that his bayard had taken on the exact same shape as Zarkon's had his stomach twisting in knots. Doubt bubbled up inside him, wondering if the reason he hadn't tried to ask Hunk and Lance for help wasn't because he was ashamed of being Galra, but because he'd wasn't in trouble.

What if he was just as Galra on the inside as he now looked?

No. He refused to believe that. Keith was Keith. The only reason he would have changed was if he'd been forced to change.

Which was another terrifying possibility, but Shiro tried not to think about it. Unsurprisingly the idea of Keith somehow having been brainwashed was not the least bit comforting.

So instead, Shiro burned the images into his mind. Even if- when- they got Keith back, he wasn't sure that this was something they could fix. If any part of the reason why Keith was doing this was because of shame, or fear of rejection, then he wanted to be sure he knew that wasn't true. He could look even more Galra, be even less recognizable, and he'd still be Keith to him.

"Thank you." Shiro said, finally tearing his gaze away. "I appreciate it."

"Think nothing of it." Allura said, switching his gauntlet off and letting out a faint yawn. "You should probably try and get a bit more sleep. We have a long day ahead of us tomorrow."

She didn't have to clarify why- he already knew. They hadn't exactly had a chance to discuss Keith, seeing as he'd fainted. Which, now that he thought about, was actually pretty embarrassing in hindsight.

"You're probably right." Shiro said. "Guess I should thank you for bringing me back here."

"And Hunk." Allura said. "He's the one who caught you."

Making a mental note to apologize to Hunk later, Shiro nodded. "You should probably try and get a bit more sleep yourself. I should probably apologize for waking you up."

"I wasn't sleeping very well anyways." Allura admitted, a faint tint creeping to her cheeks as she very pointedly tried not to look down at her armor.

"Bad dreams?" Shiro asked.

"Bad dreams."