Marik and Bakura's Advice Column!
Xephyr-Holmes shrieks: AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH AHAHA
Well then, I HAVE RETURNED.
And I love you too Pseudonym, for writing all this, but don't even PRETEND to hate me, especially not on my birthday! Yeah, It's my birthday. E-hug?
Marik: NEVER SHALL IT STOP! *Puts the video on endless repeat*
Ryou: Now, you kiss him. Keep your hands there. Or, there's always the locked room. Also, I forgot to mention that the many many doors Melvin has to unlock are leading to that room and are the only way out, so if he gets bored... They all re-lock, and you're stuck longer. Just thought you might want to know HAHAHAHHAHAHAHA!
Joey: Did you enjoy your... little... 'session' with Kaiba, Joey? Because
Kaiba: Fine, here's your blue-eyes back.
Slenderman: Let's play Slender, I think it's perfect!
Tea: MUCH TOO LATE! B**CH! Unless you want to be tortured a little... Oops too slow *cuts Tea slowly*
Melvin: ... *Randomly pets Melvin's hair* ... *Absconds*
Duke: Hey, have you had any naked women applied to your body recently? You look a little under the weather... Here, have some babes. *Chucks babes at Duke*
Yugi: Whoa, Yugi, did you know there's some weird panda who is trying to pretend he's you? Oh yeah, Yoogy, STOP DOING THAT DAMMIT! YOU ARE NOT A HUMAN!
Akefia: I think you should fuck Marik right now. He's sexy, no? And he's still tied up. And sad, so it won't be difficult to convince him you're 'cheering him up' *winkwink*
Bakura: WHAT YOU GONNA DO FOOL? About the video AND the fact I think Akefia should have/fuck Marik, not you.
Everyone: ADVICE FOR ONCE! If I'm being stalked by some creepy as fuck chick who thinks that I love her and doesn't believe me when I tell her I don't WHAT DO I DO?!1?one?!
Love to all of you. Except Tea. :D
Pseudonym: E-hug c:
Marik: *passes out*
Ryou: *leans up and kisses him, hands shaking* There. I did it.
Joey: Because...?
Kaiba: *snatches it and flees*
Slender: *sees Slenderman in the game* Who's this dickhead imposter!?
Tea: *screams and flails* SAVE ME YUGI!
Yoogy: Fuck you.
Melvin: FFFUUUU-
Duke: I would shout out in joy but boobs are five seconds away from pressing on my lips.
Yoogy; *breaks down in rage*
Akefia: Sure, why not.
Marik: Get away from me! You may be a much more toned, tanned Bakura but you're...oh. My. How did you get that big?
Akefia: It's called being a badass. *peeks in Marik's pants* You're not too bad yourself. Now let's get this over with.
Bakura: I don't care.
Tea: :c
Pseudonym: Well now, I'm not sure what to say, seeing that at some point I was also some creepy stalker who couldn't accept that the person didn't like me. I'd say dress it up for her, be nice, but in my experience, being told nicely doesn't work. So you don't have to be a bitch about it, but if they're constantly pursuing you rejection after rejection, be vicious. Otherwise be as patient as you can.
GlitterpPnkKitty says: Hey! I've been reading this advice colum for a while now, and I just want to say that you are awesome, all of you!
This comment is just to give you all a great big hug and HELLO! I'll ask questions next time.
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Oh and by the way (gets surrounded by a dark aura) I'm a giant yaoi fangirl, so be prepared. Just thought you should know.
Bye, Bye!
Pseudonym: And I'm a huge yaoi fan as well. *grins*
EvilBrat is epic says: These are some random things thet popped ino my head.
Bakura: What is the best way to kill anoyying teacher? My friend has a large chruch on you.
Pharaoh: what is the most funny thing you have ever seen. And would you kill Jaden Yuki for me?
Marik: Do you hate gummy bears?
My last question is for evryone: How many times has Mokuba been kidnaped?
Bakura: Kill her with fire. That way she suffers to the end. Also...tell your friend to sod off!
Pharaoh: The time someone thought Mai's boobs were real. HA HA HA. Ah ha. And no. I'd rather watch him get killed by a large vehicle.
Marik: *glares*
EvilBrat is epic also says in a later chapter: I have cream puffs and Ryo is not alowed to have one.
To Bakura:YOU ARE A KITTY!
Ryou: Xephyr already gave me all the cream puffs I need, bitches!
Bakura: Meow.
Marik: *Fanboy attack*
Lawliet Veneziano says (oh god those names :D): Nihon: Finally after trying to finish this and being sidetracked by so many other fanfictions (namely anything else involving insanity and a certain thief and his tanned "friend") I have found my way to the end. And with questions from both myself and the second half of my personality. Who luckily isn't-
Vene: WEEEEEEEEEEEEE! *swings in on a vine Tarzan-style, lands and bows* Thank you thank you, you're too kind!
Nihon: Of course...Sorry, the author Lawliet Veneziano here, with questions for the cast. Nihon the side of Reason speaking. The *fixes glasses* other person with the squiggy lines is Vene the so-called fun side. Ignore her, it's nighttime where we are and Vene is an incurable night owl. Let's see first question is for Bakura: how do you honestly handle being around so many abnorml personalities and not go crazy?
Vene: She means- How do you keep from going crazy and killing everyone when your best friend (and possible lover, huh, huh? *shot but comes back*) is silly and clueless, the rest of the Evil Council is either dead or not-really-so-evil, and your school friends, well Ryou-chan's friends, are well...*looks at Joey the furry, Tea the Avatar of Friendship, Yugi the panda, and Tristian the idiot) OH look a panda!
Nihon:...I wish to know.
Vene: Oh! Oh speaking of friends here's a request for some advice from Melvin and Bakura both! See my friend Jessie-cub won't me get a toy chainsaw for my Grell costume nor will she let me get any knives at all. She says I'm too dangerous on my own. What should I do? I can't kill her since she feeds me food but I wanna know if you guys have any qideas. If none then can i borrow one of your guys' weapons? Please? Oh and can I have a hug Melvin? i don't mind if it's bloody and violent; it's not like I'll die? I'll even return it if you want w
Nihon*sprays Vene down* Bad sadist, bad, down. Next question. Yugi, do you ever feel unappreciated considering you've been renamed Yoogy and the Pharoah's sort of a jerk to you?
Vene: poor Panda. Wanna a panda hug? I give non-violent panda hugs as well as violent sadist hugs w Oh for Ryou: I don't have a question, I'm just gonna give you all the tasty cream puffs ever created, mostly because it's not nice to have you have to do stuff to get your treat. You're so sweet and cute, I couldn't dream of taking advantage of you The part of my otaku soul that loves the seemingly innocent pretty boys can't resist.
Nihon*ignores Vene* Slenderman, would you eat my other half? She does look and act like a little kid; it's the Japanese genes, they make her so small. Though not as small as Yugi.
Vene: Try it and I'll cut your stomach open with a katana. *all while smiling*
Nihon: Well I think that's all. Hm this review might not look so good. Oh well, until next time Nihon of Reason-
Vene: And Vene of Fun!
Both: Signing off!
Bakura: With tea. It solves almost everything when it's not being poured onto your sobbing mother. *sees vene's explenation* OH- That. Same thing. And maybe some fantasies of my own.
Melvin: Consider me giving you my weapon a sign of respect for wanting to murder that bitch. Just kidding, I don't respect you XD here. *Hands chainsaw* Go apeshit.
Yoogy: NO. REALLY? I NEVER THOUGHT ABOUT IT. DID IT EVER OCCUR TO ANYONE I LIKE IT? OF COURSE I DO. NO, I HATE IT!
Pseudonym: Alright, alright. Back to being Yugi. Damn.
Yugi: Thank god.
Ryou; *blushes* My hands are busy. Can you feed it to me?
Slenderman: I'm sure the sweetness would make me vomit. Keep her *blank trollface*
Little sister Amy says: Ryou... are you secretly in love with bakura...
if it's yes have sex with him and see what happens
if it's not have sex with him and see what happens
Bakura... why do you lick (in the uncensored Yu-Gi-Oh) that eyeball?
and does it taste like chicken?
and why did they censor it?
marik... this is not really a question but... stop talking when somebody els is talking
bisides you must go and brush you teeth becouse it's time for bed young men
and No you may not go *starts to sing* OUT THERE
melvin... why are you there? i thought that you where opening that door in season three
Ryou: Of course I am. I love the way he's so much braver, and I also find his attitude annoying but quite handsome. However I don't wanna sleep with him. *glances at Melvin* he kinda does that already.
Bakura: Because I wanted to hear the slick sound of millions of fangirl panties simultaniously going wet at that moment. They censored it because dubbers can't deal with my sexiness.
Marik: *sings it anyway*
EvilBrat is epic says: Akefia: My friend likes you lots... She is also crazey.
Akefia: In what world is that a question.
SangNoire says: Oh gods this is so great... *chuckles* Okay... I gonna try this out as well!
To Marik: Would you approve of Bakura dressing up as a vampire for halloween and trying to suck ur blood? :D
To Bakura: Would you like to see Marik dress up as a werwolf? (seeing he wouldn't wear a shirt... w)
To Melvin: Actually I think you're the biggest massmurderer of all time... concerning that a thousand Deathshipping fangirls died of bloodloss as you were kissing Ryou ... would you do it again if I requested it? And would you mind being hugged by me? :3
To Akefia: If I'd ask you to steal Marik from Bakura, would you try? XD
To Duke: Hey, do you like ducks? :D
To Kaiba and Joey: Is it sick that this fanfiction made me enjoy puppyshipping? ._.''
To all of you: I want to bring out a "Kill-Tea"-Project seeing so many people hate her and she still... miraculously lives on. Would you take part in it?
I know it was MUCH but I hope you have the time to reply w
*leaves you all cookies and makes Bakura wear a kitty-ear beanie* *poofs with evil chuckle... after hugging Pseudonym (YOU'RE GREAAAAATE!)*
*draws Slenderman a trollface*
Marik: Sure why not. But that'd be a little g-
Bakura: Don't even say it.
Bakura: I...erm, if he wants t-to, I'd suppose it'd be fine. Why the devil do you care anyway!? *huff*
Melvin: *opens arms* Do your worst. Also, that's fine, seeing as i have a gigantic boner since Ryou's hands haven't moved.
Akefia: *stops shagging Marik* What?
Marik: Hurry up. I want to go see Baku soon.
Akefia: *Spanks him* Shut up.
Duke: I...How did you know? They're so feathery.
Kaiba and Joey: YES.
Xephyr-Holmes: I've got it covered.
Pseudonym: Why...thank you... *single tear of joy*
FullmetalCardGames says: Pseudonym: THANK YOUU. Also since ur a homestuck, is it possible to ask characters from that? Or would that make to many characters to answer as?
Melvin: -magically heals- haha. I'm a homunculus:D. (that was a Fullmetal Alchemist joke:3)
Bakura: YOU. SUCK. Maybe I should to your million times hotter past self then. He's got a sexy scar.
Pseudonym: My understanding of Homestuck is very vague, despite being caught up, and I wouldn't be able to provide answers as easily as I could for YGOTAS column. Also I'm very narrow-minded with HS ships, and it wouldn't be as enjoyable of a fic as it could be for those who are much more, say, open-minded with situations that would go on if it were asked to happen. But I'll take it into consideration.
Melvin: Look at all the fucks I give.
Bakura: *sticks tongue out*
Vladroxmysox says: To Bakura: your welcome *smirks*
To Ryou: having some arousal issues?
To Melvin: you should "take care of" Ryou if you know what I mean
To Akefia: hmmmm I suppose...but only if you catch me! *starts running with vampire speed* A CHASE ALWAYS MAKE THEM TASTE BETTER MUAHAHAHAHA [sorry I like vampires, not edward by the way so that why I have vampire speed]
Bakura: *nods*
Ryou: Maybe.
Melvin: I'm totally not catching on as I drag Ryou to this closet. *Drags Ryou into a conveniently placed closet*
Akefia: *Gets off of Marik, dresses and chases you* Wait, no. *takes his time* There we go.
Rueky Ishtar says: im sorry i didnt want you to feel bad! dont be mad at me PLEASE!
Bakura- Yes! *jumps and twists in midair* now ill leave you two alone for sexual reasons
Ryou-cotton ball, thats a cute nickname but just so i dont upset melvin ill call you... Bunny.
Akefia-... umm... i kinda feel bad for you cause i citronship WAAAAY more than i do thiefship... hmm well there's always Namu, Marik's past life so i guess that counts.
Akefia,Ryou,Bakura,Melvin,Namu,&Marik- ok... now its time to make the bed all sweaty and wet with cum.
Pseudonym: That's totally fine ^^ it was an embarrassing mistake anyway XD
Bakura: Refresh my memory on who I'm with. (Psdnm: No seriously I can't remember)
Ryou: *Can't hear from the closet and his own cries of pleasure*
Akefia: Just as well.
A,R,B,M,N,MR: WEEEE-
Fullmetalcardgames! i know you and you know me in real life so stop trying to date the guys im dating you friggen playgirl! your not suppose to date yourself!
Pseudonym: I won't pick a side, but I figured FMCG would come across this message sooner if I posted it.
Dynamite and Soup says: Going into Day 3 of no school due to Sandy.
Tell me what to do for fun because I've already played pokemon until my thumbs hurt.
On another note:
Bakura- What breed of cat are you? Also, how many Mariks does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Marik- Can you go screw in this lightbulb? Its an experiment I want to try.
Akefia- I like your scar. Will we ever know how you got it?
Kaiba- If the blue eyes white dragon never existed, what do you think your favorite card would be?
Melvin- This is for you because I feel you would give me an interesting answer: Lady Gaga's new perfume is supposed to smell like sweat and cum. Why would someone want to smell like that? Enlighten me.
Ryou- Would you ever wear the perfume mentioned above?
Well, that's it for now. I'll be back... :3
Pseudonym: Wish i had pokemon games to make my thumbs ache ;_;
Bakura: Not a kitty. And how the devil would i know?
Marik: Okay.
Akefia: Nope.
Kaiba: JKDFHKLDGJHFDLSDFHK-
Melvin: A-And I thought I w-was sick XD. Perhaps to attract some rapists. I know I'd rape someone who smells like that.
Balura: Why is he stuttering.
Ryou: Ahhh! Mmm!
Marik: That's why.
Bakura: Ugh.
Ryou: I-I du-ahhh...I dunno...
YGOfangirl4ever says: Oh No you don't! *runs after them and brings them back one by one, tying them to a chair each*
Now. Let's see, where was I, Oh yes. *moves Marik in front of the TV and puts cassete in**makes big fire**plays the cassete of Marik's Evil Council 5* (Thank you, reviewer who did that before me!) *ties all revealing clothes over the fire about to let them burn if the boys don't bend to my will*
*turns to Bakura* Now, about you... *holds up cd* This, is an edited video of *you*, crying... *whspers in his ear* Cuz' Marik doesn't like you.
It will be played in public if you don't do it. And more importantly, in front of Marik...
Pseudonym: Hey, you used my threat for the chapter heading! *tears up* *kisses you*
Pharaoh: Yes, he IS. Pseudonym just changed his name. But I never lost track of the boy. Never!
:D Ok.
Now, Seto, if you would have to f*ck with anyone in the show, who would it be? And you can NOT chose no-one, or cower out of it. Or else, you'll end up like those three who cowered out of it last chapter. Trust me, I have things against you, too.
Ok, now make out with him XD
Do you want your company and reputation ruined?
That's what I thaught! Now do it! Kiss him!
Melvin: I'm cold! It's so cold here...*sniffs* Would you hug me to keep me warm?
I'd torture you all more, but I've to go. Bye! XD
Pseudonym: hurr-
Pharaoh: Which boy. Pseudo or Yugi?
Yugi: Me.
Pharaoh: Oh, it's you.
Kaiba: Joey. He'd be the most arousing to boss around. *groans* Fine. *kisses Joey*
Melvin: *Walks out of the closet* Yeah...sure. I'm warm as hell now.
M169 says: Pharaoh: Really? You'd fuck me? Do you even know what I look like? Well, I guess you're a Man of Surprises. A bald man of surprises...I thought you would Kill me. Anyway...it's time for more revenge. *Takes out a bat* I'm going to whack you in the face!
Marik: So. Marik. How was your day? Can I join your evil Council. I have many, many plans that involve card games.
Bakura: What is your deepest secret?
Ryo: You. Are. The. Best. Ever! I love you so much! As a fangirl I mean. *Glomps again*
Pharaoh: *NOOOO-
Marik: No! Only the evilest and sexiest can join!
Bakura: Not telling!
Ryou: *blushes*