In case of Sues, use the TARDIS

DISCLAIMER: Nat and I don't own anything you recognize. We only own the OC personas and the Sues.

Chapter 21

Third Person POV

"Hello, my ladies. Not to be rude, but who are you?" One of the dwarves who'd answered the door asked. The girls glanced at each other and nearly face-palmed; of course it would have been Fili and Kili who answered the door.

"No one told us anyone else was coming." Fili commented.

"We didn't know we were coming either." Gabby muttered.

"Well don't just stand out here, come in!" Kili exclaimed.

Patty and Gabby both shrugged and followed Fili and Kili inside, nearly hitting their heads on rafters and/or chandeliers as they went. Once inside, Gabby made a bee-line for Gandalf and Patty and Gabby sat next to him. The dwarves seemed content to ignore them for the moment, crowding around another girl with dark hair and pale blue-grey eyes that seemed to stare right through everyone.

"I assume you both have reason for not wanting to socialize with the dwarves, my ladies." Gandalf suddenly spoke up, eyeing the girls.

"We do, actually. We need to talk to you, Gandalf." Gabby replied. Gandalf raised a bushy eyebrow.

"How is it that you know who I am? And what matter is of such grave importance as to warrant such behavior and tone?" The wizard asked urgently.

"Are you aware of Mary Sues? Sickeningly perfect, love-sick demon-bitches who steal the plot, and roles of other characters while simultaneously messing up the story-line and trying to make the author's favorite character fall in love with them?" Patty asked. Gandalf was suddenly very serious and he nodded.

"Indeed I am. Many have followed the dwarves to this residence and despite what they may say; I have not invited any of them. It is an odd and disturbing occurrence, the likes of which have not been seen in this world for ages. However, most of them were convinced to leave when their so called 'magic' did not work in convincing the dwarves to allow them to join their quest." Gandalf explained.

"We know. That's why we're here. You see, we hunt these things. We're on a…quest, if you will, to get rid of these evil creatures for good." Gabby stated.

"In which case, I daresay you are just in the nick of time. Now, you seem to know my name and yet I do not know yours…" Gandalf trailed off, glancing back at the girls.

"I'm Patty and my dear brunette friend here is Gabby." Patty stated.

"And before you ask, we know about this world through books and stories in ours. That's one of the ways we know how to find Mary-Sues; way-too-perfect characters that weren't in the original story. What can you tell us about this here Sue?" Gabby asked, nodding towards the dark-haired girl with blue-grey eyes who seemed rather moody and was glaring at nothing in particular.

"She claims to be an elf; one that lived in Eregion during the Second Age. She gave the name Haldaraina Ithilethiel Eloise Anne-Marie Telperinquariel." Gandalf stated. Both girls flinched and nodded. Hmm…Telperinquar. That's Quenya. What's the Sindarin name? Gabby racked her brain for a minute or so before remembering. Celebrimbor…Oh, seriously? Why are there so many Sues that are related to Fëanor?! What is this madness?! More importantly why hasn't Fëanor bust out of Mandos's Halls and unleashed hell on all of them yet? She thought.

"Yep. You've got a Mary Sue on your hands. And from the amount of stuff on the internet there are likely more coming." Gabby stated. Patty nodded gravely.

"But how can we discreetly get rid of the one we've got?" Patty asked.

"I think I have an idea." Gabby stated, grinning evilly.

"Ooh no. That doesn't look good." Patty stated, seeing the demonic expression on her friend's face.

"Well, it's helping us get rid of her. So it must be a half decent idea. And by the way, her facts are actually right." Gabby countered.

" Seriously?! Fine. Go do." Patty shooed her friend towards the Sue.

"Yeah. She's using technically correct Quenya….that's a scary thing." Gabby stated. Patty shooed her away again.

Gabby grinned before getting up and walking over to where the resident Mary Sue was sitting. She promptly sat herself next to the Sue and started speaking elvish. Patty face-palmed.

"I did not think there were many among Men who fluently spoke the tongue of the High Elves." Gandalf commented to Patty.

"There aren't; at least not where we're from. Gabby just happens to be very interested in Middle Earth culture and history and all that. She spent most of her teenage years teaching herself elvish and has read nearly every book concerning Middle Earth. She knows waaay too much." Patty commented.

Gandalf simply nodded and watched as Gabby and the Sue got up and walked outside. Gabby gave Patty a look as they passed. Patty nodded and Gabby smirked.

A good hour or so later, the dwarves all seemed to have woken up from a trance. Patty didn't really pay attention to what was going on. She already knew what was going to happen, Gabby had dragged her to see the movies and she'd read the book on her own. The brunette girl reappeared in the middle of the Misty Mountain song, almost a half hour after the dwarves woke up.

"What took so long?" Patty whispered as Gabby sat down. "Also, you know your face is bleeding, right?" she added upon giving her friend a once over.

"I had to hunt down an arrow…and convince the locals that I wasn't a freak…and sword-fight a pissed off Noldorin Elf Sue. It's been a long night." Gabby commented.

"Right. Well no more Sues have shown up. You're the expert on this crap…Should we get going or not?" Patty asked.

"Yeah…Most Sues don't show up until Rivendell now." Gabby commented.

"So for the moment our work here is done?" Patty asked.

"Yep…weird. It's never that easy." Gabby mused.

"I'm guessing we should tell Gandalf…" Patty trailed off.

"Yeah." Gabby stated.

The two girls then got up and quietly walked over to the aforementioned wizard. After exchanging brief good-byes with him (he spoke to Gabby in Quenya) the girls headed back to the TARDIS.

Author's Note: As is (hopefully) obvious, I know Tolkien's legendarium well enough to be able to butcher it horribly to create truly awful Mary-Sues…*Shudders* I'm so sorry, Mr. Tolkien. Please forgive me. On a semi-related note, I've actually seen a bunch of fics where there are main characters *cough*Sues!*cough* who are related to Fëanor. Or, as a handful of us (me included) call him Everyone's Favorite Noldorin Psycho. Anyway! READ AND REVIEW PLEASE!

Publisher's Note: WE'RE BACK! I'm so sorry that I haven't updated it since last December (That long?). Things we're in our way like school, family, etc. I have a lot of updates to do since Meep is the walking definition of the LOTR encyclopedia...not to mention to keeps saying 'When are we going to update the Sues thing?'

Here's your answer, Meep.