"Sans?" You knock on his door gently, so as not to wake Papyrus in the other room. You heard rustling behind the door and waited for it to open. You had woken him up, that much was clear. He was wearing boxers with pink and blue hearts on them and a wrinkly white t-shirt. He yawned widely and rubbed his eye.
"Kid? What's up?" His voice had that cute, sleepy puppy tone to it, but you couldn't focus on that now.
"It's getting bad again…" You felt the tears threatening to spill again. You had spent the last ten minutes crying on their couch, desperately trying to pull yourself together. His eye sockets widened and opened the door wider for you to come in.
He pulled you over to his bed and sat you down, wrapping his blanket around your shoulders like he knew you liked it.
"Come on kid, spill. What triggered it?" He spoke in a soft voice, trying to calm you down. You shook your head violently.
"I don't- I don't now I- I- I just started feeling this way and- and- I don't know!" You were babbling, your words coming out faster than your brain could process them. Sans pulled you into his chest, letting you bury your face in his shirt as he rubbed your back.
You could feel your breathing pick up. You knew where this was going. Your head started feeling fuzzy and the tears just kept coming. You vaguely realized you were shaking, but the screaming in your head was more obvious.
Sans was talking to you, but you really couldn't make out what he was saying. You were choking, your lungs had stopped working. Your limited vision was starting to blur around the edges. Your ears were filled with cotton. It felt like you were underwater, not able to think or breathe or-
"Come on kiddo. You have to breathe…" Sans' voice filtered through your haze.
You felt pressure in your skull, like an overfilled balloon, like it could pop off and float away. You were babbling again, but you couldn't breathe. His hand found yours and the feeling of bones on skin drew your attention from the heartbeat that seemed to be drowning out all other sounds, to the calming sound of Sans' deep, rumbling voice.
"Breathe… in and out… that's right Kid. Come one just keep breathing. I'm here for you. Keep breathing… not too fast. Long breaths kid. Focus on my voice… that's right. You're doing so well. In and out…" His hand never stopped rubbing your back, and you could feel your breathing calm down. The pressure in your head faded and you were able to see a little more clearly.
"I'm fine now… thanks." You pull away, and he lets you sit a few inches from him on the mattress. You wiped your tears on your shirt and gave yourself a few seconds to collect your thoughts, which was difficult at that time.
"Have they always been this bad?" Sans asked with a sad chuckle. He had talked you through dozens of panic attacks, but they seemed to be getting worse…
"I dunno… I don't think so." You sounded tired.
"Jeez kid…" He trailed off, yawning again. "You're feeling that way again, huh?"
"Yeah…" He was the only one who knew about your depression. He saw you through your toughest times. Through the days where you couldn't leave your bed, through a suicide attempt, through most of your panic attacks, through your recovery. "I don't know why. I've been doing so well for so long, but all of a sudden my chest feels tight all the time and I start staring into space, not thinking or feeling anything…"
"Anymore of… those thoughts?" He was never very suave when it came to this matter. You didn't want to answer, but you couldn't lie to him. He would see right through you the second the lie left your lips.
"A little." You were timid, afraid he was going to be disappointed in you. He sighed sadly and pulled you close to him again. You welcomed the friendly warmth.
"You're gonna have to explain with a little more detail Kiddo."
"They're not active thoughts… not like before." You looked at your hands, clenched together in your lap. "More like… I wonder what it would be like not to exist anymore. I feel numb… and wonder what it would be like to just stop… being."
"You know I'm going to search through your things again, right." He sounded resigned, but then again so did you.
"Yeah I know. There's nothing there though."
"I trust you kid, but it'll put my soul at ease." He smiled at you, and you felt the tension melt from you.
"Sans…" You felt the tears build up again. "I don't want to go through this again."
"Shhhh don't worry kid. I'm here for you. I'll always be here for you. We'll get through this together, just like last time, right kid?" He pulled you into another hug, this one more calm. You hesitated before nodding gently.
"I'm scared." Your words were barely a whisper, but they seemed to echo through the dark room. You heard Papyrus snort in his sleep, but heard nothing from the skeleton sitting right next to you. You glance over at him, afraid of his reaction. The lights were gone in his eyes, and he looked down at his carpet forlornly.
"Me too kid. Me too, but… I have you to keep my head on straight." He finally looked at him, the soft lights back. You smiled back, just as soft.
"Yeah… you got me."
I know it isn't much. This is literally one of the shortest chapters I've ever written for any of my stories, but I needed to get some feelings and crud out. I don't know why, but for some reason I feel myself slipping back into that dark place again… so I made Frisk deal with my problems.
I've also gotten a few requests for Sans helping you through a panic attack, so I tried to make it at close to how it was for me. I'm not sure it that's what it likes for everyone, or if I actually got it right in any way, but I tried.
I'm working on the final chapter of Purify the Timelines, which is my other Undertale story, and I'm hoping to write a final chapter for Hidden Angel, which is a Rev!Kevedd story. (For anyone who doesn't know what that means, it's Double D and Kevin from Ed, Edd and Eddy, but reversed… so like Edd is the cool guy and Kevin is the nerd.)
I'm sorry for the crappy update, but hopefully as soon as I shake this funk I'll be able to write something not awful.
Until next time!
~Starlight