The Little Things Give You Away

Chapter 21

My humblest apologies, ladies and gentlemen… I've been absent a little while, haven't I? I have to apologize… Lent ended on Easter, but I've just been sitting around reading fanfiction like a junkie without updating my own… To make amends, I have a treat for you (might be more like a torture to some people, but… I try.) But, I mean, how could anyone update fanfiction when presented with Final Fantasy VII? I started playing it with my roommate this weekend and OHMYLORD it's amazing. Still can't get over Drag!Cloud. And Aeris…. Ah, she's so adorable! …But enough ranting. On to some more Little Things. Warnings: Mello and Matt do tend to swear a little… not that that's anything that anyone would care about, right?

I sense there's something in the wind…

Even in the midst of gaming, Matt could always hear Mello enter their apartment.

The two lived above the studio where they recorded all their music, so the apartment was soundproofed and reinforced. That way, they could have jam sessions or practice without disturbing neighbors… although it was rare that Mello even sang to himself these days. He simply had no time for music. So it wasn't all that easy to hear the blonde… Matt was just so attuned to his best friend's presence.

The sound of leather rustling against leather, the click of his boots on the tile as he walked, the crinkle of foil and the inevitable SNAP of a chocolate bar fresh from the freezer. They were such small noises, but they were so comfortable and familiar to Matt that they had become the BGM of his life.

From the kitchen, Mello called out. "Matt!! Have you seen my Godiva? All we have is this Hershey's shit!"

"No, but there's Cadbury in the freezer under the Hot Pockets," Matt called back.

Mello let out a small cry of triumph that told the redhead that he'd discovered said chocolate.

The clicks changed to muffled footsteps as Mello moved from the kitchen tile to the living room carpet. With them came Mello's scent- as familiar as always and yet new and exciting, somehow. Mello smelled like leather and chocolate and some faint, almost undetectable cologne.

Listen to me, Matt mentally scolded. I sound ridiculous, thinking like this. Am I so pathetic that I obsess over how he smells, how he sounds? I'm like some 13-year-old girl with her first crush. And I could never tell Mello, not EVER, not even when he stabs me in the heart by putting the band on hold and then twists the knife with this dumb blonde bimbo that he's trying to steal from what's his face.

Matt shook his head, because the thought process was pissing him off and Mello was standing behind him.

"The graphics on this game suck."

"They don't have to be any good, this game is a classic."

Mello shrugged and climbed over the back of the couch, plopping down next to his band/roommate.

A silence spread between them as Matt tried to lose himself in the game, but it was impossible with Mello so close. Matt sighed and paused the game, bringing up the Menu screen.

"What've you been up to?" he asked the aspiring actor on the couch next to him.

"Eh, boring stuff. Getting my wardrobe fitted, talking with the director about Mihael's character…" He shook his head. "The director is okay, but you should see the assistant director. He's new, apparently, he's not actually starting till Season 2 and right now he's just shadowing the director… Creepy guy. He's like seven feet tall, but he's scrawny as hell."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah. All decked out in Goth or whatever you call it. I think he's crazy."

Matt couldn't hold back, and blurted out, suddenly. "Are you sure you want to do this?!"

"Do what?"

"This acting thing… Mello, I just know this isn't going to end well, I just know it…"

"What are you talking about?" Mello scoffed. "Matt, you should see the directors, the media. They love me; they think I'm great. It can only get better from here."

"And what about this vendetta against Light? Trying to steal his publicity, his …girlfriend…" Matt swallowed the rush of anger that surged up in his throat at the mention of her. "Getting into a celeb rivalry will kill your career, it'll become nothing but tabloids…"

…That feels like tragedy's at hand
And though I'd like to stand by him
Can't shake this feeling that I have
The worst is just around the bend…

And does he notice my feelings for him?

Mello's eyes glittered with something angry and excited and childish. "Don't you get it? I don't need an agent to tell me that even bad press is good for you. And if I ruin him, it'll make my rise to fame even more splendid. He'll become a pathetic shadow of a man, and then I'll step in to fill his footsteps, and everyone will say how much better I am than my predecessor." He gestured with one leather-gloved hand at Matt. "Don't you see? We'll be great. We can pay off Kal, everyone will respect us, we can get a mansion in Beverly Hills…"

Matt held back the bitter taste in his mouth as best as he could. That had always been their dream back in the old days, the bad days… And Matt was almost pulled in by Mello's enthusiasm, he really was, but… The way Mello was going about it was all wrong and this could only end badly.

"We could get that with the band," Matt insisted. "We got signed by a major record label. Our album was in the works and everything until you decided it was a good idea to run off and make enemies with one of the most popular teen idols in the US. We were going to have singles and billboard hits and videos and…" Matt trailed off. He could see that the blonde was getting angry.

"I'm not just doing this for you, or me Matt," Mello snapped. "I'm doing it for Near. He needs me, and if destroying Light makes him happy, I'll do it. I'd jump off a goddamned bridge if it made him realize that I'm not the brother from hell, that I'm not worth hating and ignoring, that I give a shit about him."

The couch cushions seemed to swallow Matt as he sank down amongst them, gripping his controller tightly. "I thought his name was Nate," he muttered, but he was just being bitter and spiteful now.

"If he wanted me to call him Little Bo Peep it wouldn't matter. Don't be a smart-ass."

Matt saved, switched off, and stood up. "I need a smoke," he mumbled, grabbing his cigarettes and heading for the balcony.

No, I think not… it's never to become.

For I am not the one…

The bottom line was that Mello would do what he wanted regardless, and no warning from Matt would stop him. And Matt would never confess his feelings, Mello would never love him back and Matt would waste away in his best friend's shadow.

"You don't know what it's like caring about someone who thinks nothing of you!" Mello shouted after the redhead.

"You have no idea," Matt murmured as he lit his cigarette.

I just wanted to add one small rant, my dears:

I was counting down the last 23 days of school in celebration of Change The WorLd, and today is the 23rd day... so if Little Things is never updated again, it's because I dropped dead in the middle of the night while eating a chocolate bar. Love y'all!