A/N: And now, dear readers, here is another chapter dealing with Asgardian family drama. It wasn't particularly fun to write, but Loki and I feel strangely empowered by it. I hope you enjoy.
Disclaimer: This particular universe belongs to Marvel...and partly to the Norse
The Sunday after the Fundraiser, Thor visits his brother to tell him that Odin and Frigga would like to see him. They are aware of the progress Loki has made and wish for him to return briefly to Asgard so that they may see with their own eyes. They would also very much like to meet Captain Rogers, the one who has made this transformation possible.
Loki refuses to go or even discuss it. There is nothing for him in Asgard. And though he would like to show Steve some of the places that were special to him growing up, he does not want to subject the soldier to the people there.
Thor conveys the news to his parents. Odin does not seem very effected by the response. Frigga, on the other hand, wants to see her son and is willing to go to Midgard to do so. Thor isn't sure that is such a good idea, but his mother is insistent. And so a few days later they travel together via the Bifrost Bridge and arrive in New Mexico.
The God of Thunder immediately picks his mother up and carries her as he flies to Stark Tower in New York City. They land on Tony's balcony and enter the building.
"Welcome back, Thor," JARVIS says as they step inside. "Mr. Stark was not expecting you. I have informed him of your arrival."
"Thank you, JARVIS, but we have come to visit Loki." Thor replies. He explains to his mother about the virtual butler.
"Loki left with Captain Rogers several hours ago. I believe they were planning on visiting the Guggenheim Museum. Shall I call Captain Rogers?"
"Do you know when they will return?" Frigga asks.
"No, madam, I do not." Bruce steps out of the elevator just then. "Dr. Banner," the A.I. continues, "I was just enquiring whether I should alert Captain Rogers to Thor's presence."
"No, JARVIS. I'll take care of it." Bruce walks to the visitors. "Hello, Thor."
"Dr. Banner. May I present my mother Frigga."
"Ma'am," he says bowing his head a little.
"Mother, this is the one who turns into the big, green creature. He is very strong in that state and very clever in this one."
"A pleasure," she says.
Bruce takes them down to the floor he shares with Loki, asking them if his floor-mate was expecting them. Frigga explains that it's a surprise and asks to please not tell him, which makes the scientist a bit nervous.
"I'm not sure that's such a good idea. Loki…Loki has a lot of mixed feelings about Asgard. I think it would be better to let him know you're here."
"Loki always loved surprises," Frigga recalls.
Bruce purses his lips. "I'm sure that was true once upon a time. It's completely up to you, but I would advise against it."
"Thor?"
The God of Thunder thinks. Loki and their mother have always gotten along. So why is he concerned that Loki would not return if he knew she were here? "Must he still return by a certain hour?"
"Yes, he has to be here by 11 every night."
Thor looks at the ground. He recalls the argument about their father. "He should be told we are here," he decides.
Bruce calls Steve and asks him where they are.
They are indeed at the Guggenheim. "We've seen the Small Rotunda and are about…three-quarters of the way through the Great Rotunda, give or take. But that's all we've seen. Why? Is something wrong?"
"No, no everything's okay." He pauses. "Thor and his mother are here. They want to see Loki." The scientist can hear Steve relay the information to the god and the god's surprised reaction.
Steve's voice comes back on the line. "Loki says he doesn't want to see her."
"I don't think they're going to leave until he does." Again, the message is relayed. Steve must be covering the speaker, because he can't make out any words, just the back and forth sounds of an upset voice and a patient one.
"Loki wants to finish the Great Rotunda. We'll head back after that."
"Okay. See you then." He hangs up the phone and let's the two visitors know the situation. He offers them something to drink and goes to get a beer for Thor and a glass of wine for Frigga.
When he returns, the scientist begins to ask questions about Loki's upbringing. It starts out pleasant. She tells him of a curious and thoughtful boy who preferred using cunning over strength. She tells him of how she'd read to them, Loki always wanting to be nestled at her side and reading with her while Thor preferred to act out the stories. Bruce allows her to continue for a while before bringing up Loki's punishments as delicately as he can.
"Yes, Thor mentioned that they may have affected Loki in ways we had not intended."
"Yes. And I understand you did try to help him as best you could. I know he appreciates that, although he's still pretty angry about it, as you can probably imagine."
"But it was so long ago," she says sadly.
xxxxxxxx
Loki and Steve step off the elevator onto the floor the god shares with the scientist. The super soldier has to push his boyfriend forward with a firm hand at his back.
Frigga stands as soon as she sees Loki but doesn't dare move towards him. Thor and Bruce stand, too, out of courtesy to Frigga. Loki stops halfway between the elevator and the living room. Steve looks from the mother to the son, then walks to the woman standing next to Thor. He introduces himself, offering his hand.
"Oh, yes, you're the gentleman Thor has told us so much about. I'm Frigga, Loki's mother. We are all so grateful to you. I'm so glad you and he found each other." She smiles warmly but shakes his hand awkwardly.
"What do you want, Frigga?" Loki asks from where he stands.
"I wanted to see my son."
"He's standing right next to you, and he is on Asgard more than he is on Earth. Why did you come here?"
"My answer is the same. You are and always will be my son." She walks to him and strokes his cheek. "My precious little boy, how I've missed you. And how you've changed. How curly your hair appears. I always loved your curls."
The sight of her, the touch of her hand brings tears to Loki's eyes. He can't help himself. He was her little boy so very long ago. And the memories bring tears. But the tears do not fall. He will not let them fall.
Bruce excuses himself quietly and begins to leave, not wanting to intrude on the family. "No," Loki exclaims, his eyes never quite leaving the woman in front of him. "You are my family, Bruce. I would like you to stay…unless you are needed elsewhere," he adds, giving the scientist a way out if he truly needs one.
"I can stay," he says and walks back to where Steve is.
Loki stands stiffly with her hand still on his cheek, allowing the silence to lengthen, allowing her time to break it. She doesn't. So he does. "You have seen me, Frigga. What more is left?"
She drops her hand. "Mother. I am your mother, Loki. I raised you as my own. You are my son in all but blood. And I love you still."
Loki closes his eyes. A tear escapes. It angers him, especially when she tries to wipe it away. He automatically jerks his head away from her hand.
"Thor tells me that you and he have repaired your bond. Can we not do the same?"
"We are attempting to repair it," he corrects. He looks upon her face. "Thor did not know of my true…parentage. You did and kept it from me, all the while watching Odin punish me for my tricks and lies." The memories come flooding back, threatening to drown him. Anger, even the dull anger he is feeling now, is his only defense. "Hypocrisy at its finest. And yet you claim to love me."
"I tried, Loki. I tried. I tried to help you as best I could." She looks to Dr. Banner seeking support. All he has to offer are sad eyes. Frigga returns her gaze to Loki and continues. "Your father and I have been so hopeful upon hearing Thor's reports. We hoped you had turned a corner, and we could be a family again."
The dark-haired god smiles softly and gently takes the woman's hand in both of his. "I know, Mother, but you lied to me. And so I will tell you what I told Thor. My family is here on Earth now. This is my home. This is my world. Asgard can burn for all I care…and you and Odin with it." His eyes are cold with anger, but the soft smile still plays upon his lips.
"Loki." The concerned voice is Steve's.
The Trickster looks at his lover, his old anger warm and comforting within his chest. "You were right. You can't kill that part of me after all." He turns back to Frigga, her hand still in his. His voice is quiet, controlled. "I will consider forgiving you and Odin…only after Odin comes here, to Earth, and begs for mine. I want him to kneel before me and grovel at my feet."
Frigga's eyes widen. He does not appear to have changed at all, and the calmness of his demeanor frightens her.
Loki continues, "I want him to cry and plead for my forgiveness. And then I want his lips sewn shut and vultures to tear at his flesh. Then and only then will I consider forgiving him." Then he remembers one of the All-Father's old stories and smiles wider. "Or we can make this simple. He was willing to hang for nine days to gain wisdom; he can hang for nine more to win my forgiveness."
"Brother," Thor pleads in a voice so soft it sounds nothing like him.
Loki turns to the God of Thunder and lets go of Frigga's hand. "What, Thor? Is this not the happy reunion you pictured? Did you really think it would be so easy, that I would see her and fall weeping into her arms ready to forgive and forget?" He walks to Thor, cradles the blond's face in his hands, and presses their foreheads together. "I will never be the brother you wish me to be. I will always be dark. I will always be untrustworthy. My only loyalty now is to Steve and Bruce and Tony. You are my brother. Our bond is strong. But do not make the mistake of thinking it unbreakable."
He kisses Thor's forehead then looks into his brother's blue eyes. "It was a mistake to bring her here. You should have respected my wishes. You should have at least given me more warning. You made a mistake, Brother. Learn from it."
The God of Mischief looks to Steve and Bruce and sees the concern in their faces. He knows they may not understand completely but that they understand enough. He turns back to the woman standing where he left her. His tears are gone. Hers are beginning to stream quietly down her face. Loki feels a pang of regret, but it is small and easily ignored.
He walks back to her. "I apologize for your tears, Frigga. It was not my intention to make you cry. But you must understand, I am not the child you knew. I am the man you created, the one Steve is helping me outgrow. But I cannot look at you and not be him, not yet. Who's fault is that, I wonder." He takes her hand gently and kisses it before saying good-bye and turning to leave.
As he takes his fifth step, Frigga begins to sing. It's a haunting little melody, a song about a child who gets lost exploring the roots of Yggdrasil.
Loki stops, listens, remembers. It is the song she would sing to him whenever he was frightened or upset. And now it is weaving its way into him, conjuring up memories of warmth and comfort and understanding.
His mother, still singing the lullaby, walks to him. "Come back to me. Come back to me," she sings, "Let Mother's voice guide your way." She puts her hand on her son's back. He flinches at her touch. Frigga continues, "Through the cold of Jotenheim. Through Midgard home of humankind. Though the elves wish to take you to Alfheim. Come back to the love of your mother."
Then there is silence, a long silence that gives Frigga hope.
Loki can't look at her. He just stands there remembering the comfort she used to bring him. "I wish I could be more forgiving, but that was a lesson I was never taught. Go home, Mother. Tell your husband my conditions. Return with his answer, though I expect I already know what it will be. We will speak then." He walks away. And as he does, he realizes just how much and how little he has changed.
Thor gives his mother a hug after Loki leaves the room.
Steve hands her a handkerchief. "Ma'am, I know that was difficult…for both of you. But this is actually an improvement." Frigga looks at the soldier in surprise. He continues, "You should have heard him with Thor."
"It is true, Mother. This was better."
The soldier continues, "You have to realize that what Odin did to him…It was torture. That's a heck of a thing to ask him to forgive. I don't think he ever will. And truthfully, I don't think I can, either."
Bruce picks up the conversation. "Like I said before, I realize you tried to help, and I know he does recognize and appreciates that. But if you want any kind of relationship with your son, you have to know that you'll never be the family you were. To ask him for that belittles everything he's been through."
"If you'll excuse me," Steve begins, "I'm going to go check on him. It'd probably be best if you were gone before he comes back out here."
"Of course," Thor replies.
xxxxxxx
When Steve arrives at the god's room, the door is shut. He knocks twice then cracks open the door. "Loki?"
There's no response.
Steve opens the door wider and finds Loki standing with his back straight, hands clasped behind him, staring out the window. "Loki?" he asks again.
"Do you hate me?" comes a strained voice.
"Of course not."
"You should. I am unworthy of you."
"Baloney. I know that was difficult, and I'm proud of how well you handled it." There's no response. "Do you want me to leave?"
"No."
Steve moves to stand beside the god and places a hand on Loki's shoulder. His other hand is stuffed into the pocket of his jeans. They stare out the window together until three swift, soft knocks break the silence.
"They left," Bruce says.
Loki responds. "Thank you, Bruce. And thank you for staying."
The scientist hesitates for a moment before saying, "We're family."
Steve looks at Bruce and smiles. "Yes, we are."
Bruce points his thumb behind him. "I'm gonna go back to the lab. Tony's gonna want to know what happened. Although knowing him, he probably watched the whole thing from the lab."
"Bruce?" Loki asks, his gaze still fixated out the window. "What do you think of her?"
"I think she cares about you very much. And I think if you let her, she could be your Mom again. Believe me when I say that I would give anything for a chance like that."
Loki nods, and Bruce leaves.
"Do you want me to go, too?" Steve asks.
Silvertongue turns to look at him. "What I want," he begins, "is for you to kiss me and to draw me a picture."
Their lips meet softly, lovingly.
When Steve finally asks what the picture should be of, Loki replies, "Draw a picture of Thor and my mother so that I might learn to look upon them again."
Loki places the sketch in a drawer in his room. It comforts him to put them in darkness while the tiny ember of anger still glows in his chest.