Title: A Moment to be Real
Theme: #75; Night
Game: Fire Emblem: Seisen no Keifu
Pairing: Lex/Ayra
Rating: PG
Notes: Spoilers for chapter 5

It's too quiet, Lex thought. We should be drinking and laughing it up now that we've taken out one of our main obstacles. But aside from enjoying the traditional victory wine and mead, nobody had felt much like celebrating.

Lex gave a short, humorless laugh as he stared into his glass of wine. What're you so happy about? he asked himself. That was your dad they just took out. But it seemed only natural he didn't give a damn; for as long as Lex could remember he'd never gotten along with his father. Langobolt was always on him for not being more like a prince, for not being like Danan (not like Danan was any better with his drinking and lecherous attitude and that stupid beard), for being himself. Not a day went by that they didn't argue.

He hadn't just been doing Azel a favor the day he left. After yet another fight with his father, he'd had to get out.

I wish I could say it was easier when Mom was still alive, but... He sighed. Lady Cori of Dozel had passed away when Lex was fourteen, and right up until the end she'd been as strong and stubborn as the men in her life. Still, at least she was more civil to me than Dad ever was.

Lex sighed and put the glass down. He couldn't even be bothered to get drunk and pass out. Was he happy his father was dead and in hell for his crimes, or depressed over the bad relationship they'd had, angry that his father had done what he did?

Maybe I'm thinking too much, he decided. It was late, and his wife was probably wondering why the hell he wasn't in bed by now.

He stood up, stretched his cramped leg muscles, and dragged himself down the corridor to his and Ayra's room. Sure enough, she was lying awake in their bed with a cross look on her face.

"It's about time," she said. "Lex, it's way past midnight. I asked when you were coming to bed an hour ago, and you said ten minutes!"

"Sorry," Lex muttered, sitting on the edge of the bed and pulling his boots off. Ayra's frown deepened.

"You weren't drinking, were you?" she asked.

"No. Couldn't even be arsed to get drunk and pass out at the table." Lex pulled his shirt off and tossed it to the floor. "I need sleep," he groaned.

Ayra's face softened, her cross frown being replaced by one of worry.

"Lex..." She threw off the covers and went to sit on the edge of the bed with him. "You're thinking about your father, aren't you?"

Lex laughed bitterly.

"Funny, you'd think I'd be happier the old bastard's dead. Should be dancing on his grave right about now," he muttered. "And don't gimme any of that but he's your father crap either, you didn't grow up with the guy."

Ayra glared at him.

"You actually think I would defend that bastard?! After he and his partner Lord Leptor had my father killed?"

"Right, right, I'm sorry." Lex held his hand up in a pathetic attempt to fend her off. Not that she would have hit him anyway, but still.

"Yes, he was your father. But what were you supposed to do, let him go after the crimes he committed just because he's your father? You did what you had to, and no one thinks any less of you for it," Ayra said.

"I know. I'm not sorry he's dead, it's not even about today. It's about all the years I never knew him, he never gave a damn about me, and now he's gone." Lex leaned his face against the palm of his hand, closing his eyes. "It never bothered me so much growing up. Annoyed me, yeah, but...he's dead, and I never knew him, and that bugs me. It shouldn't," he said. "I mean, all those years, Dad. So many years wasted, you could've at least tried to like me, I'm sorry I wasn't Danan." If he was rambling now, he didn't notice. "Only reason he had me was so everyone'd think he was this strong, manly man with the cock of steel. Always about his image, would it've killed him to give a damn once in a while?"

He noticed her looking at him as if he'd grown another head, and smiled thinly.

"Heh. Sorry about that, didn't mean to scare ya. Guess even I didn't realize how much it bothered me till now," he said.

Ayra just shook her head, wrapping her arms around him and burying her face in his shoulder. What else could she do at a moment like this? Lex froze before slowly returning her embrace.

"I'm fine now," he said, not even sure if he was lying or not.

"You scared me there, Lex. I've never seen you go off like that before," Ayra finally said.

"Tell me about it. I was afraid I was gonna start crying, and then I'd have to punch myself," Lex laughed weakly. "Thing is I didn't even know I'd been bottling up so much, I never cared. Or maybe I was, and I was in denial or didn't know I cared, or didn't know I didn't realize I cared until he was gone, or...fuck, I don't even know what I'm saying now," he muttered. "Sorry, maybe I am drunk and don't realize that. Of course, if I am drunk after one glass of wine I'm more of a lightweight-"

"Lex." Ayra broke from their embrace and gently shook him.

Lex smiled sadly and shook his head.

"Look at me, going crazy like the world's about to end," he muttered.

"Let's go to sleep. I'm sure things will look clearer in the morning," Ayra said. Lex pulled her tightly against him, burying his face in her hair.

"I love you," he choked, "love you so fucking much, Ayra. I don't care if it gets us killed or maimed or whatever, I love you."

"I know," Ayra whispered, nestling her head against his chest and letting her eyes close. "I know."

Lex wished he could later say their fears and doubts went away for just that night, or even just that one moment. But they remained, strong as ever. So many things loomed before them, and nobody could even begin to guess the outcome of the battles that lay ahead.

Ayra was the only thing he could be certain of right now, and that was just fine with him.