Chapter Twenty One: The Fall

"Talk," Magnus says back quietly, pulse jumping. Alec's hand was so close, there was an emotion strongly showing in those pretty blue eyes. Too good to be true. That emotion, that look, screamed need. And something darker, akin to hate, or jealousy. Envy. Magnus feels his face flush, the alcohol already hitting his brain. Downing two shots before this 'talk' was not smart, but it made the nerves easier to process and deal with. Magnus clears his throat, lowering his arms, his hand turning over slightly. Opened, an offering to be held as it lays an inch from Alec's hand.

"Yeah," Alec swallows, biting his lip, looking at the hand. There was a ghost of a smile, turning the corner of the lips upwards, but it looked sad. "I... who's Ragnor?"

"What?" An unexpected question. Magnus frowns, not having an idea of why his old friend was so important. Why it would drive Alec to come to his room, with a look so conflicted that it was painful to look at.

"I... Magnus, don't get mad," Alec says softly, suddenly grabbing the wrist of the outstretched hand. Magnus nods, feeling another blush as the contact, and Alec continues. "I, um, eavesdropped on your conversation."

"My conversation?"

"You were talking to someone, about a, uh, a Ragnor? And, Well, I... um... I..." Whatever Alec wanted to say seemed to fizzle away into nothing. Magnus sighs, turning his head away to look at the hand holding his wrist. Uninjured, a hospital band and a brightly coloured neon band. Magnus tilts his head, noticing a light pale scar on the skin, quite a feat since Alec was so pale. His patient just kept on stuttering away though for what had to be a good twenty seconds. "I.. I, well... okay, so I understand that you like this guy, but..."

"Alexander, it's nearly twelve AM, I am slightly drunk, and would like very much to sleep, so please get on with your sentence, I've never heard 'you like' and 'Ragnor' together when someone is talking to me," Magnus drawls, pinching the bridge of his nose. Alec does not move or say anything, and Magnus glances at him. "Alex?"

"It's Alec," was the only answer Magnus receives.

"Okay, Alec. Sorry 'bout that."

"It's alright," Alec says, pulling away a bit. He clenches and unclenches his jaw, working it, and the movement was catching Magnus' attention. Alec blushes under the stare, and quickly looks away. "You... if I just heard right, you don't like Ragnor."

"Well, he's alright. Good friend," Magnus says, smiling as he looks at his glass, now empty. He refills it with a shrug, feeling the warmth on his wrist go. "He's dead."

"Oh," Alec says, staring at his hands. Magnus nods, leaning back in the chair. "...Oh. He's the friend that-"

"Yes, died in New York. I came back for him," Magnus says, leaning back in his chair. Alec looks confused, even embarrassed as he stares at the table, hair falling forward. Magnus swallows, slowly taking another sip as he squirms in his seat. "You were asking if I... liked him...?"

"Yeah. The conversation. I thought... never mind, I should go, you need to sleep," Alec says abruptly, starting to stand. Magnus shakes his head, sitting up and grabbing Alec's wrist.

"Don't go. I want to talk to you," Magnus says, having no idea of what else he should say. Alec sits back down, looking at the door with a wistful expression. Magnus takes another sip, knowing he should slow down. The drink was swirling his senses everywhere, playing with them. His mind was doing twists. Slowly, he tries to peace together the entire last minute, as well as his conversation with Etta, since there could not be another conversation Alec was referring to. "You heard the entire conversation."

"A part of it."

"How much?"

"Just... well, uh," Alec says slowly, sounding uncertain. His eyes were still fixed on the door. Slowly, he turns slightly in his seat, away from Magnus. "I heard you talking about a guy. And... I heard you say he was making you feel... unappreciated in a way. I don't know. I just wanted you to know though, that despite whatever he may have done to you, that you really are a great guy. Including your fashion sense. I like your clothing choices. And I'm sorry if he can't see it, but I want you to know that you're a good person, Magnus. No matter what that guy thinks."

All Magnus could do was say 'uh' for a good minute. What was he supposed to say? Alec just cleared up any doubts about the guy (which was, of course, him), and now Magnus was at a loss for words. Did he tell Alec he was talking about him? Did he not tell him? Waiting for him to be discharged seems so unimaginable now. Slowly, Magnus begins to think over the words just said. You are a good person. Alec genuinely thought that, and he said it right now. In another life, Magnus would jump at this opportunity. Grab it, fight for it. Flirt, smirk, win Alec over. But this wasn't exactly the best situation to do those things.

"You should go, Alec," Magnus whispers, needing some time alone to think things through. Alec's head whips to the side, a frown on that graceful mouth.

"You want me to go?"

"Want is not the word I'd use," Magnus laughs, pulling away. Letting go of Alec's wrist with sadness. But if he kept him here, he might do or say something that could ruin their relationship. He knew Alec cared for him, in his own little way, and he did not want to break that spark of caring by making a move, a move that Alec may be uncomfortable with.

"So, you don't want me to go?"

"I... well, I'm not in the best position to talk about these things," Magnus says, standing up. Alec slowly stands, shaking his head.

"I... Magnus, I just..." The corners of Alec's lips turn down slightly, mouth parted. Magnus finds himself licking his own lips, adoring the sight of a confused Alec. The tension seems to fade away, that awkwardness dissipates. At least, for Magnus. He was sure, absolutely sure, that he did care for Alec, so unbelievably much that it was painful. I need to let him go. That is, if he does not want to hurt him. It really was the right thing to do. Stop seeing Alec after dropping him off at the hospital tomorrow, putting in his resignation, withdrawing to somewhere else. Maybe London. If he stayed here, with Alec, his feelings would show too much, he'd scare his poor patient away, be put on trial for 'unethical work on the job', or something like that. He needs to just leave, run and not look back.

But what the hell was Magnus going to say? What excuse could he come up with? What would Alec think? He still needed help.

Hey, Alec, sorry, but I love you, and because of that I need to go. No, that was not right. Magnus swallows, trying to come up with a reasonable explanation as Alec grabs his hand, stepping closer.

Alec, I care about you, but I can't help you. I need to go. No, that would make his patient feel guilty. Alec tilts his head, looking confused, and Magnus panics, jaw trembling as he tries to think. Alec grabs his other hand now.

Alec, I like you a lot, too much. I need to go.

Alec, I really love you. But it's not right, I'm your doctor. So I'm leaving.

I need to leave.

Every single excuse sounded too harsh, and Magnus needed one that did not give away his own feelings. Alec, I love you a lot, but I need to go. I need you to go. Redundant. Alec, I love you, but this won't work, whatever we have. I need to go. No, Magnus could not tell Alec I love you, that would be wrong, but that sentence was so true. It played over and over in his head, and Magnus squeezes that hands holding his, panicking as he thinks through his words, over-thinking every possible reason. Alec blushes, head still tilted, seeming to wait for an answer to a question that was never said.

"Alec...I am sorry," Magnus says slowly, pausing, not finishing. I am sorry, but I cannot be your doctor anymore. Alec swallows, blue eyes burning brightly.

"No, Magnus, I'm sorry," Alec says calmly, his face going from so confused to resolute, jaw stiffening, like he finally made up his mind on something. Magnus shakes his head now, trying to remember the words he had just put together. I love you, I'm sorry for that, and so I cannot be your doctor anymore. Unfit for practice, yes, that was the term... Magnus inhales, making his own decision finally. He opens his mouth slightly, preparing to say the words that he knows he'll regret forever, when Alec leans forward, lips brushing on the corners of Magnus' cheek, then pulling away sharply.

"I... l-love you...?" Magnus stops talking, regretting his decision to drink so much, and immediately regretting the words that just sort of fell out, and his thoughts become scattered again, words tumbling over each other and becoming lost. He blinks, stepping back out of Alec's grip. His patient's eyes widen, looking absolutely confused yet again as Magnus tries to rethink his sentence, taking another step back, hip bumping the table loudly. He ignores the pain, hand reaching out to grab the edge of the furniture for support as he rushes through the sentence. "I've got to leave... cause I'm a doctor, your doctor, and I'm unfit for-"

Not paying attention to where he was moving, Magnus' hand hits the glass, sending it crashing to the floor. First mistake. He turns, his movements lethargic as he scrambles to grab the glass, which was already shattering into tiny pieces all over the floor, and he now hits the bottle over, and it rolls over the wood and joins the glass. Second mistake. His third mistake was not watching his footing still, and he sort of twists and falls over, the room tilting. As the floor became a wall, all Magnus could think of was, Alec kissed me. Still, he manages to land on his knees, now on top of a puddle of wine, one hand on the table, other imbedded in the pile of what was once a cup. Face flaming with heat, he glances at Alec, no idea about how he should go about the situation. Humour, that was how Magnus goes about situations. So, smiling at the shocked expression on the other man's face, Magnus chuckles nervously, thinking about his job as a therapist, and what was a part of the job description.

"Shall we talk about our feelings now?"

Dear Lawyers: I don't own TMI. Can I own Malec though? Pretty please? ;3;

Dear Readers: Took a while to write this chapter, despite it being short (mostly because of the title, 'The Kiss' seemed too cheesy). I wanted this one to be perfect. I hope everyone likes it! That suspense was driving me nuts. Everyone in this story seems to have pretty terrible timing. And now, we go into the next (and last-ish) arc of the story. But there's a lot of chapters, seeing as Alec and Magnus still really need to get together... maybe see Magnus' family... I hope you guys are alright with that (I'm going to assume you are). Anyway, another big thank you for all those reviews! It means a lot.

Oh, and Happy Halloween!

DianaLuvTMI: Yay! I'm bae! I always do my best to keep characters in-character, canon Jace is pretty cool after all. I'll do my best to keep updating. And there will be plenty of more Malec moments up ahead, alone and uninterrupted. Thanks for reviewing!

Night Changer: I hope this chapter held the move you were looking for. Thanks so much for the review!

Laurenathalasa: I cannot reveal any plot stuff, that may or may not have to do with a certain accident. That will be revealed and cleared up in due time. Thanks for the review!

Manibarilo: Blunt is probably the only way Alec can truly show his feelings. That, or nervousness. As for grinding on a wall... well, I might just be able to make that happen some time. In the future. Quite a distance away. Anyway, thanks for the review! P.S I am Canadian, and I understand Americans don't eat it much (?), so making is a special was a personal course of action. Poutine is great, after all.

The High Warlock of Glitter: Oh, but I do dare finish in such moments. They make my heart happy. Magnus will most assuredly kiss the hell out of Alec... soon... very soon... perhaps the next chapter, if I feel an inclination towars generosity. Magnus could not disappoint you, or any other reader. Anyway... thanks once again for reviewing! Happy Halloween as well!