A Marauder's Guide to Falling Together
Written by alliegrl
Synopsis: She had had him and then she had thrown it all away. Marlene knew perfectly well what her heart wanted but she was just too stubborn to allow herself to be happy. She liked to think that she deserved to feel this way. But that little voice in the back of her mind liked to remind her of the truth - what she was too stubborn to ever consciously entertain: Loving him was the single most terrifying and preeminent thing to ever happen to her. It was time to stop running.
It's seventh year and Marlene has made a horrible mistake. But she's just too stubborn to fix it despite that annoying little inner voice that sounds an awful lot like James Potter. Lily is Head Girl of course but the more surprising thing is that Remus Lupin didn't get Head Boy. Potter did. The two of them have been spending an awful lot of time together – something is definitely going on. And it's not exactly what you might think. Can Sirius ever forgive her? Will she ever get the chance to tell him how she truly feels? All the pressure of N.E.W.T.s is finally starting to take its toll on Marlene. Or maybe it's all those suppressed emotions finally breaking the surface. Either way, Marlene is not a force to be reckoned with and she's determined to prove it.
The sun beamed in through the half closed curtains and scattered across the wooden floor, pooling at the edge of the metal framework of Marlene's double bed that lay tucked away neatly in the corner of her new bedroom. The room, apart from the streak of sunlight, was dim from a lack of muggle electricity, and was silent as Marlene lay contentedly sprawled out across the cool covers.
Marlene had been doing a rather decent job at avoiding her days outside. If possible, her skin had paled even slightly more than could be considered healthy and she was constantly battling with her Uncle Tom on whether or not she was ill because of it.
She had been home for summer holidays for just over a month and had been content to do nothing but spend her days curled up in bed or on the couch reading or daydreaming off into space about nothing in particular. She knew that she was being silly; trapping herself indoors so that she could avoid the sun was one thing, but she knew that that was not the real reason why she refused to step outside the confinements of her house.
After she had arrived in Godric's Hollow she had had little to distract her thoughts from Sirius. She was at first irritated with the notion that James Potter had been right. After awhile, it became painfully evident that there was a reason why he was one of the top students of their year; he was definitely much smarter than he would let up and the conversation they had shared in the library a few months prior was enough evidence to convince her that his common sense could quite easily match his ego.
I don't think Sirius is the only guilty party here, McKinnon. Perhaps you should mull that over for a while. His voice still rang sharply in her ears and stung like a fresh wound each time she replayed the words in her memory.
After awhile she managed to realize that her normally level headedness had gone awry on Sirius after she had confronted him about Remus. The truth, she discovered, was that he really did have good reason to be angry towards her for her actions and it was completely unfair for her to blame him solely for what had transpired between them. She was still adamant that he had mishandled his behavior towards her; she was not an emotional punching bag and his moodiness towards her in the weeks leading up to the full moon was not just. However, she had dug her nose into business that was not her own and she had put herself and others in danger and for that, he had had every right to be cross with her.
The worst realization that had finally sunk in about a week after she had allowed herself to actually mull things over was that Sirius had tried to reconcile with her, tried to explain, and she had shot him down the opportunity because she was too absorbed in her own superiority complex.
Initially she had found comfort in the belief that by avoiding Sirius, this indicated that she was 'moving on' from their breakup. She had been fooling herself into believing that. Perhaps it was a mask to cover up the insecurities she truly felt about the whole ordeal, something she was beginning to come to terms with the more she dwelled on it. She had allowed herself to open herself up to him during a time that she was most vulnerable and in a moment of self sabotage, she had found every excuse imaginable not to let him back in.
Of course this conclusion didn't offer Marlene any comfort. She knew that she still cared deeply for Sirius and that she had made a terrible and rash mistake with how she had handled things. She knew that she had caused irrevocable damage to their relationship and she didn't know how to move forward. She should be so lucky if he decided to ever give her the time of day again after the way she pushed him away, literally, during their last encounter.
So as the summer days passed, and Uncle Tom had insisted each day that she get out and socialize with the neighborhood kids, Marlene had managed to use up every imaginable excuse in the book as to why she couldn't possibly go outside. She was sure that he was finally starting to catch on to her antics as he had finally stopped pushing the suggestion and for that she had been thankful.
She had caught a glimpse of the boys one afternoon as they had walked past the window of her living room. It had actually been a fluke and Marlene had taken a brief moment to tear her eyes away from her novel to gaze out the window, contemplating whether or not going for a walk would be a good idea. That's when she saw the familiar mop of unruly black hair of James Potter and she could hear the energetic and eager laughter of Sirius Black a moment before his face came into view.
Her heart had stopped beating for a fraction of a second before she flung herself away from the window and back into the novel that she had carelessly let fall into her lap. It had been affirmation for her that she was still not prepared to see him.
At the beginning of the summer she had thought she was avoiding the boys for the sheer convenience of limiting any awkward tension. Of course now she realized all along that she had been selfishly too afraid to confront him for fear of rejection. Ironically, she was certain she was much deserving of it yet too cowardly to admit it to anyone but herself. And so each passing day, she continued to keep to herself, determined that she would either get over the feelings of guilt or bury them deep enough that she could pretend they had never existed. After all, unless she was comfortable making a complete idiot of herself, confronting Sirius and admitting any of this didn't seem like a desirable solution. Hopefully, she would be able to think of something before the beginning of term but until then she was content to place her troubles on the shelf and get through her summer without much more thought on the matter.
Lily's owl had been the thing to wake her from a nap during this particular sunny afternoon and she was both appreciative and scornful that it had done so. She hadn't heard from Lily in a few weeks so she was glad to finally be getting a response to the letter she had sent her but she was also distressed that the impeccable timing of the owl had awoken her only fifteen minutes after she had fallen asleep.
Marlene had thrown herself back on the bed in hopes of catching a few more winks of sleep but after tossing and turning for a good thirty minutes she had given up and ripped open the manila envelope to admire the familiar and elegant scrawl of her best friend Lily Evans.
Marlene,
Happy Birthday! Finally seventeen and a true full-fledged witch of age at last! I hope you don't get yourself into too much trouble today, but knowing you I think I am safe to assume that you won't.
I'm glad to hear that you are having a 'fairly decent' summer but I also know that you are probably lying to me and you've holed yourself up in your bedroom and refuse to do anything else. I know that you don't want to see Sirius but the fact of the matter is that you two have broken up nearly two months ago and you need to stop focusing on it. I really wish you'd stop thinking that you need to make yourself miserable in order to move on from him but I'm sure Sirius is quite over it already and you need to do the same. Sorry if that sounds harsh, I am just not a fan of what he did to you and sooner or later you will finally see it the way I do.
I just received news from school that I received the Head Girl position! I knew that all those extra hours I put in with my prefect duties and time spent studying would finally pay off. The letter didn't mention who they named Head Boy but I am betting on Remus.
Mum is calling me for lunch now so I should probably wrap this up. Try not to mope too much around for the rest of the summer and get yourself outside for once before you become so translucent that you vanish into thin air. Also, my offer still stands if you'd like to visit. Hope you have a brilliant birthday and I will talk to you soon.
Love Lily
Marlene had nearly forgotten it was her birthday until the letter had arrived. She scowled as she reread the lines Lily had wrote regarding Sirius and resisted the urge to write back a piece of her mind. She had to battle with her subconscious and remind herself that Lily did not know the true reasons for their breakup and if she had, she would most probably have a different opinion on the situation. Oh what she wouldn't give to be able to pick Lily's brain on this one. It was driving her batty not being able to talk to anyone about her feelings.
Lily's letter was followed shortly after by one from Mary and then, to her surprise, she had received a third manila envelope with the neat scribble of a familiar someone that she hadn't been anticipating hearing from: Sirius.
Marlene,
Happy Birthday.
SB
Sirius isn't a bad guy; you're missing out if you continue to believe that. There was that annoying voice of James again and she frowned ever so slightly as that familiar wave of guilt rushed over her. He had remembered her Birthday and more importantly, he had been kind enough to send her a note.
Her fingers felt something else lying in the bottom of the envelope and she poured out the contents into her hand. She let out a small gasp when her eyes focused on a small silver pendant in the shape of a star. It glittered slightly, getting caught in the stream of light from the window as she held it up to admire it. Like the note, it was quite simple but it was also very beautiful and looked rather expensive.
Marlene forced herself off the comfort of her mattress and padded over towards the mirror on her bureau. She lifted the pendant to her neck and admired its slight glimmer against the paleness of her torso.
Just go talk to him.
The thought had popped into her head on more than one occasion since her revelations about her feelings. Clearly, he wasn't angry with her otherwise he wouldn't have sent her such a beautiful gift. As she stared at the beautiful trinket she could feel a momentary glimmer of excitement that perhaps Sirius would still be interested in reconciliation. But she squandered the thought almost before she had even had a chance to process that it had crossed her mind at all. She couldn't will herself to hope that it meant anything more than a kind gesture for fear she might set herself up for disappointment. She hastily shoved it back into the envelope along with the note and tossed it on to her dresser, much like her feelings, to deal with later.
Stop avoiding him.
"Shut up Potter," she muttered out loud to the imaginary voice inside her head.
She took the opportunity while standing in front of the mirror, to contemplate her reflection. Lily's assessment of becoming translucent wasn't too far off; her skin was so pale that she looked almost sickly and the blonde hair that hung straight down to her mid back didn't help from washing her out even more. Her eyes were bright and striking though, which she believed was a good enough distraction from everything else she disliked about herself.
Going down stairs she wasn't surprised to find the house empty and a note on the kitchen table indicated that Uncle Tom had needed to head into the Ministry for some unexpected work. She wasn't quite sure what exactly it was that he did for the Ministry of Magic, but she was aware that it was quite confidential and he rarely spoke of it at home.
You'll have to make yourself something to eat – there's not much in the fridge but I think there might be some leftover casserole. -Tom
Marlene shuddered at the thought of the leftover casserole. In all of his years of bachelorhood, it was apparent that he was quite uneducated when it came to cooking. She could tell that she had lost a little bit of weight since the beginning of summer as her clothes were fitting much looser than she remembered. Part of this was due in fact to his horrendous cooking. Even with magic most of the meals that he tried to prepare had come out disastrous and she resorted to nibbling on snacks throughout the day instead. After the first week he had mostly given up cooking dinner and the two of them generally prepared their own sandwiches or scrounged around the pantry for things that could be easily considered edible. Marlene didn't mind much though; her appetite had really dispersed over the past few months and the lack of home cooked meals didn't bother her like it once might have, most likely due to the fact it was a painful reminder of a home she no longer had.
Her stomach rumbled at the thought of food and she realized that she hadn't actually eaten since breakfast. A glance at the clock indicated that it was already four thirty; much later than she had originally anticipated. When she opened the fridge she was greeted with the nauseating stench of the leftover casserole from three days ago and she had to plug her nose and hold back a gag as the smell made its way into her nostrils.
There wasn't much else for food in the fridge and she quickly closed it shut, mentally noting that she should probably clear out the casserole before it became any worse. The panty and cupboards also proved to be rather bare and Marlene sighed heavily with the realization that she was probably going to have to head to the deli down the street if she was interested in eating.
The second rumble in her stomach caused Marlene to let out a dejected sigh. She headed up to her bedroom on the second floor and grabbed some muggle money that Uncle Tom had given her for such occasions before heading back down and out into the street outside.
Godric's Hollow was a small village that was made up primarily of wizarding families but there were a few muggle's that had taken up residence as well. The town was quite small and Marlene had only briefly gotten a glimpse of it when they had arrived back from King's Cross at the end of the school year. There was a post office and a pub with a handful of retail shops, a church, a small grocery store and a deli. Apart from that there were dozens of quaint little houses that lined the streets.
Marlene wandered down the lane quietly pondering her surroundings. She hadn't been brave enough to venture out yet so she wasn't entirely sure where the shops were located but due to the sheer size of the community she gathered that it wouldn't be hard to find her way.
It only took her about ten minutes to make her way into the village square and the deli was located conveniently on the corner beside the grocery store. When she entered in through the small shop door, her presence was indicated by a tiny tinkering bell and the rickety creak of the old wooden door closing behind her. The shop was filled with about a dozen patrons and even had an attractive patio that overlooked the bustling street.
"What can I get for you dear?" an elderly woman greeted her from the counter with a cheerful smile and Marlene was quick to notice that she was missing a couple of her front teeth.
"Er," Marlene looked around willfully and settled on a ham and cheese croissant with tea. The lady helping her was extremely friendly despite her less than welcoming appearance and as Marlene settled into one of the tables on the patio, she discovered that she made excellent food as well.
The tea was a welcomed change for Marlene as Uncle Tom's house rarely consisted of anything but water and fire whiskey. After she had finished her croissant she had finally deemed the tea cool enough to drink without scalding her lips and settled back into her chair to enjoy the view around her. Marlene spent her time watching the people passing by; shopping with their loved ones, children playing in the center fountain and even an elderly couple arguing about what type of bread they should have purchased.
"Good evening Mrs. Potter," a pleasant voice drifted into her ears and Marlene choked slightly on the mouthful of tea that she had brought to her lips. It spluttered out in front of her across the table and she looked around apologetically but nobody else within her vicinity seemed to have noticed.
"Good evening August," the unfamiliar voice of an older woman responded and Marlene whirled her head in the direction to which it had come.
There was an older lady standing outside the doors of the deli holding a couple of grocery bags but she seemed far older than what Marlene assumed to be James' mother. However, upon closer inspection she had the same twinkling brown eyes and very similar features to that of her son and despite the near greyness of her hair, Marlene could tell that it had once been the same jet black.
"Harold isn't helping you out this evening?" the man speaking with her appeared to be considerably years younger but not much older than that of her Uncle Tom. He seemed to be a pleasant man and he had even ushered over to the deli door to hold it open for a mother holding her small infant in the midst of his conversation.
"Harold has other priorities," Mrs. Potter said humorously. She didn't seem annoyed at her husband's lack of presence but instead the twinkle in her eyes glistened further. "You know how he is when sports are on."
"Oh yes," the man nodded in agreement. "I forgot the Bulgaria match was on this evening."
Marlene could tell instantly that they were referring to Quidditch. To an ordinary muggle they probably wouldn't have picked up on the unusualness of their conversation but Marlene knew better.
"How are the children?" Mrs. Potter asked graciously.
"They're well, thank you!" the man seemed to light up at the mention of his kids. "Rose just had her baby a few weeks ago, our first grandchild as you know and Patrick just finished his training at St. Mungo's. Evelyn and I are extremely proud."
"I imagine so," Mrs. Potter chimed in. "Congratulations all around!"
"How about those boys of yours?" the man laughed briefly at the humored look that crossed Mrs. Potter's elegant features. "Have they been staying out of trouble?"
"Oh you know those two," she said with a chuckle.
"Do you need some help with your bags?" he asked suddenly after Mrs. Potter shifted her weight slightly to adjust one of the bags that she had been holding. "Your house isn't that far from mine and I'm heading home anyways. It wouldn't be any trouble to walk you there."
"Oh gracious no, August," Mrs. Potter said appreciatively. "The boys should be meeting me here any minute."
Marlene took that as her cue to head home. She didn't fancy the notion of running into James and Sirius where she had nowhere to hide and especially in a place that she was completely unfamiliar with. Despite her most recent epiphany, she did not fancy the idea of a run in while she was ill prepared for such an occasion. She gathered up her tea cup and plate and hurriedly headed into the deli shop where the conversation between Mrs. Potter and August didn't meet her ears.
After thanking the shop owner and placing her dirty dishes on the countertop she hurriedly reached for the doorknob to exit into the street. She could see the shape of Mrs. Potter still standing off to the side of the deli patio where she had been watching her earlier and she couldn't help but feel the sense of apprehension that overtook her as her hand grasped the handle.
She was being silly though, Mrs. Potter didn't know who she was nor would she be capable of recognizing her. She stood no risk of being detected by the older woman. She brushed off the uneasy feeling of being caught and quickly pulled open the door and stepped out into the street.
"Marlene?"
The sickening pit in the bottom of her stomach opened wide and swallowed her whole. She could feel her eyes widen with her shock and her body went rigid at the realization that she hadn't been quite quick enough and had walked straight into the pathway of James and Sirius. She had been so focused on whether or not Mrs. Potter would recognize her she had failed to look out the shop window at whether or not the boys were within sight.
She turned slowly on her heel to face them and noted that the look of incredulity that lined each of their faces indicated they had no prior knowledge of her presence in Godric's Hollow. However, this did nothing to make her feel any less awkward.
I'm not ready for this! The thought crossed her mind briefly. She had been neglecting to think about this moment for weeks and now that she was staring into the eyes of a very surprised Sirius Black she realized that she should have been better prepared about what she would finally say to him.
"Hi," she managed to splutter out submissively. She could feel the heat rising to her cheeks with sheer embarrassment towards her predicament and hoped that her fluster wasn't noticeable.
"What are you doing here?" it was James that spoke first though and her thoughts on Sirius were momentarily forgotten as she diverted her gaze to meet James'.
"Er, I live here," she said quietly. She wondered how fake it would sound for her to pretend like she didn't know they resided here too. Thankfully, her brain was a step ahead of where she had thought it would be in her state of sheer panic and she did not voice this out loud.
"You live here?" he sounded confused and she assumed it probably seemed rather odd to him that she had been living within their vicinity for the majority of the summer without them knowing. Of course this had been due to the fact that, until today, she hadn't stepped outside the threshold of her Uncle Tom's cottage but she wasn't prepared to divulge this information to them willingly.
"Oh there they are!" Mrs. Potter's voice rang in through Marlene's ears and the shuffling of footsteps closed in from behind her. "I was wondering if you boy's had forgotten about me. Who's your friend?"
"This is Marlene, she's in Gryffindor with us," James said quickly and Marlene turned her body around to face the woman she had been observing before.
She was definitely as old as Marlene had guessed her to be from a distance but it didn't make her any less attractive. Her bright brown eyes shone with excitement as James introduced them to one another and her smile was genuinely cheerful when she acknowledged her presence.
"Oh you're the McKinnon girl then?" she said happily, "I know your Godfather Tom from church, he mentioned that you were coming to live with him this summer but I dare say it slipped my mind."
"Yes," Marlene acknowledged with a polite nod. She wasn't quite sure what else to say as she could feel two sets of eyes boring into the back of her head from where James and Sirius stood behind her.
"You never mentioned that before," James said in an almost accusatory tone towards his mother. Marlene felt a sense of annoyance to the manner that he had used.
"You know what old age does to me James," she said laughing it off, "now if you wouldn't mind grabbing some of these bags and helping your poor mother out."
Despite his lack of respect to his mother only moments before, James and Sirius were quick to leap forward and grab a couple of the bags from her arms.
"It was lovely seeing you again August," she said merrily to the man behind her before giving a polite wave and indicating to her son that she was in a hurry to get home to start on dinner. "I'm very glad to have met you Marlene," she turned her attention back towards Marlene and offered another cheerful smile, "I don't suppose you'd like to join us for dinner this evening? I saw that Tom was in an awful hurry to get to the Ministry earlier and mentioned that he wouldn't be back until quite late."
"Oh I just grabbed a quick bite to eat at the deli," Marlene said hastily. She wasn't quite sure what to say to the generosity from a complete stranger but she wasn't sure that accepting, and being subjected to the company of James and Sirius for the rest of the evening when she had spent the majority of her summer avoiding them, was the best idea.
"Are you sure, we have plenty of room for one more, and I dare you say you look like you could use a good meal," Mrs. Potter insisted after looking her up and down and the look on her face made it incredibly difficult to decline. James was looking at her expectantly and Marlene couldn't even bring herself to look at Sirius to know what his thoughts on the matter were.
"Er – " Marlene hesitated.
"Excellent!" Mrs. Potter exclaimed and began bustling down the street in the direction of the Potter's home. Marlene wasn't quite sure that she had accepted but it was evident to her now that it would be rude not to follow.
"She likes entertaining," finally Sirius had spoken up from his silence beside her and Marlene almost jumped as she hadn't been expecting it. "And she makes a mean pot-roast."
The Potter's lived in a rather large house nestled on the outskirts of the village in the opposite direction to her Uncle Tom's. When they had neared the end of the long curvy road leading up to the estate, Marlene felt a sharp intake of breath as she admired the large, old manor in front of her. It was clearly very old but in immaculate condition with ivy creeping elegantly up the side of the stone work. The entire property was surrounded by neatly trimmed stone hedge and a large iron gate separated the property from the street.
"It's beautiful," Marlene said earnestly when they approached the house. "You live here?"
"Yes," James said proudly and he opened the gate for his mother and Marlene to pass through.
The inside of the house was just as magnificent to admire as the outside. When she had learned that James had come from wealth she had never quite pictured how well off his family had been. The decorations within the house were not over the top but emphasized the richness and elegance of their lifestyle with just enough class to give off the impression they had money, but not enough that screamed they were better than anyone else.
"Why don't the two of you show her around while I start on dinner," Mrs. Potter chimed in from the foyer. She had caught Marlene's look of astonishment when they had entered in through the front doors.
"Sirius?" James asked lazily as if he was passing off an unwanted task. Marlene scowled briefly at him which he either didn't catch or decided to willfully ignore. "I'm going to see what dad's up to."
"Watching the game most likely," Mrs. Potter mumbled as she disappeared off towards the kitchen.
James didn't wait for Sirius to answer before bounding down the hall and out of sight, leaving the two of them standing rather ineptly alone in the front foyer. Marlene had her arms crossed over her chest almost defensively while she looked down towards her feet in embarrassment. How had she managed to get herself into such a predicament? All for a bloody ham and cheese sandwich.
"Happy birthday," he said simply and Marlene chanced a glance up at him. He was smiling politely at her and it seemed that he wasn't feeling the least bit awkward in her presence. The last time she had seen him before end of term he had looked so crushed and defeated. This Sirius was just as gloriously handsome as he had ever been without as much as a trace of a concern on his features which made it incredibly difficult for her to know what he might be thinking.
"Thanks," she muttered shyly and focused her eyes on anything that wasn't Sirius.
"Did you get the necklace?" he asked curiously. Marlene felt a sudden pang of guilt at the recollection that she had tossed it carelessly on to her dresser earlier in the day but she didn't know whether or not it was acceptable to wear such an item from an ex-boyfriend.
"I can't possibly accept that," she breathed heavily and his smile faltered.
"You didn't like it?" he seemed let down and Marlene felt a sense of overwhelming guilt.
"No I loved it," she said honestly, "but I can't accept it. It must have cost you a fortune."
Sirius shrugged. It didn't seem to bother him in the least.
"Want to see the house?" he asked instead.
The house wasn't quite as big as it had looked on the outside but it was still twice as large as the one that Marlene had lived in when her parents were alive. He had shown her the main floor first but they had skirted past the den where James and Mr. Potter were fervently engaged over a heated Quidditch match that was playing over the large magically enchanted radio. He showed her the courtyard next and Marlene was pleasantly pleased to discover the immaculate countryside view they had from their backyard. The Potter's had a large section of land backing out from their house that looked like a Quidditch player's dream.
"Perfect for practice," Sirius had indicated towards it, confirming Marlene's thoughts.
Afterwards he had taken her up the long spiraling staircase where the upper landing was filled with bed room after bedroom. They had passed by James room first and Marlene was disgusted to see just how filthy and disorganized a teenage boy could be with his belongings. If she had ever believed to have had a messy room back when she lived with her parents, hers was nothing in comparison to what his looked like.
They arrived at Sirius's last. He was situated at the far end of the hall, much further away from the rest of the Potters and Marlene wondered briefly why he wanted to seclude himself to the furthest edge of the house. When he opened the door for her to peer in she could immediately tell why; his room had twice as many windows as the other bedrooms and it was a corner room that overlooked the glorious courtyard below. The sun was just starting to set on the horizon and the glow in his room made the oak paneling on the walls gleam with magnificence. His room gave off quite the elaborate feeling of grandeur.
Marlene was also happy to note, that his room was much neater and organized than James had been and she was actually almost ashamed to admit that it was probably better kept than she had ever managed to keep her own.
"It has the nicest view in the house," Sirius said solemnly from the doorway from behind her. She hadn't realized but she had drifted inwards slightly and was staring out at the sunset.
"It's a beautiful room," Marlene said sincerely.
"Why didn't you tell me you were living here?" he asked quite suddenly and for the first time all evening she felt the first glimmers of entrapment. He was standing, blocking her exit path in the doorway and she knew that she wasn't possibly going to avoid him and he was taking full advantage of it. She couldn't blame him though; she knew that this was inevitable.
"I didn't think it was relevant," she lied through her teeth. She should have known better; she was always a terrible liar and the dubious look on Sirius's face told her he could see right through it. Despite the logical part of her brain telling her that this was the perfect opportunity to clear the air, she couldn't help the small part of her that continued to revert back to self sabotage mode.
"Right," he raised his eyebrows and moved away from the doorframe to sit comfortably on his bed. He kicked his legs up across the length of the bed and rested his hands behind his head against the pillow with a look of expectancy at Marlene. She shifted uncomfortably from where she was standing as his eyes bore into her from across the room but she willed herself not to let him get the best of her.
"I'm really not quite sure what difference it makes to you," she didn't know why she was feeling defensive but she was feeling uncharacteristically brave and her assertiveness seemed to startle him momentarily as he looked contemplative.
"Where you are concerned," he said softly after a moment, "it always makes a difference."
Sirius couldn't possibly know how his words made her heart flutter with hope. However, she could feel the blush creep her cheeks and she knew instantly that she would become an open book for Sirius to read. His face relaxed slightly and a playful smile had started tugging at the corner of his lips as he continued to watch her from his position on the bed. She mentally cursed at herself, annoyed that she had allowed him to see the effect he had on her. She had wanted to project an image of calm and collected and no matter how hard she tried, she couldn't seem to control the uneasiness that was causing her to act like a stumbling school girl. Sirius seemed to be enjoying her discomfort however, he was watching her intently and she couldn't help but feel like she deserved it.
"I don't suppose you've been avoiding me?" he continued on sincerely and Marlene ached for the comfort of her bedroom where she wouldn't have to feel the sweat gathering in the palms of her hands from her nerves.
"Why would I be avoiding you?" she tried to sound apathetic but she knew that she hadn't been very successful. Where Sirius was concerned, he was too good at being able to read her emotions and she knew that quite soon she would be an evidently nervous wreck within his presence if this conversation continued down the path she feared it was headed.
"I don't think it makes much sense to pretend Marlene," he confirmed her suspicions to which she scowled at him with defensiveness. Against her wishes he suddenly removed himself from the bed and swiftly moved across the room to stand in front of her. She instinctively felt herself take a step backwards as he neared and she watched his brows crease with frustration as he noticed her movement. "I don't want to go an entire year like this."
"Like what?" she knew the question was stupid before it had even left her lips.
"You side stepping around me every time we are in the same room," he said sadly and for a short moment she was able to see the emotions clearly in his grey eyes. He was clearly still upset about how things had ended. "I understand that you have your reasoning for breaking up with me, but that doesn't mean we have to avoid each other like the plague. You obviously wanted nothing more than friendship from me and I will respect that. I've come to terms with that decision."
Marlene could feel her inner self battling with the sudden range of emotions that had surfaced. Despite the better part of her that had been fighting it, she had to admit to herself that she been missing Sirius like crazy; the need for his closeness, his tender touch and the feel of his lips upon hers was driving her absolutely mad and was enhanced drastically by the fact that he was close enough to her that she could feel the pulsating heat from his body radiating off of him. But his words struck Marlene like a bag of bricks to her chest. She took a sharp intake of breath and hoped that he hadn't noticed how his words had affected her.
Whatever Marlene had been hoping for out of their conversation, she knew that this wasn't it. What had she expected? She was selfish to believe that he could possibly still want anything to do with her and yet the sinking realization of what he was saying confirmed all along that she had truly hoped there was a possibility of a reconciliation in their future. He had come to terms with her decision. This seemed like affirmation to her that any hope his gift had brought to her, even slightly in her subconscious, was in fact a gesture of his request for friendship and not out of romantic interest.
"What are you guys doing?" James voice asked curiously from the doorway and Marlene felt a mixture of gratitude and annoyance for the interruption. She wasn't quite sure how well composed her next words to Sirius would have been.
"We were just talking," Sirius said with a shrug of his shoulders. He seemed unfazed by their previous conversation as he casually made his way towards the door. "I can smell dinner from up her. I hope that your presence means that dinner is ready?"
"Your nose is too good sometimes," James smiled crookedly. "Almost has animal instincts, it does."
She probably wouldn't have understood the underlying humor to James' statement earlier but due to recent events in the last month or so she had discovered that Sirius's animal animagus was that of a dog. She cracked a small smile at the comment before joining the boys on the way down to the dining room for dinner. She forced herself to push aside the disappointment that had been brewing in the pit of her stomach, determined to convince herself that this outcome was far superior to any other that could have possibly transpired and to be thankful that Sirius at least still wanted to be friends.