New World - Stage 3

by Can't make a name

Part 3 of New World. Thanks to the growing unrest on the ships the Fifth Column is growing, but unknown to them is another group. This group claims to not be resisting, but just leaving. Doing Our Own Thing is growing quickly and quietly due to their training from the Regime. Diana, John, Willie and Steven are on their own paths.

21. 21 Brian Grief Anger Guilt

Following Final Battle
Chapter 21
Brian
Grief, Anger and Guilt

Brian sits on the shuttle with the noise swirling around him like some odd storm. This evening the sensation of fervor ran high in him with completing his duties for the Regime and the expectation of a new position. A new position that would lead him to getting the needed information for Doing Our Own Thing. Now all he feels is a complex combination of grief and rage. Worse fatigue is settling in him and it feels like it dragging him down. If he could just lay on the floor all curled up nothing would satisfy him more. No, what would make him happier would be to have killed every human in that hospital. The thought of his human friends come to him they were not part of this and killing them would be wrong. No, his human compatriots would not hurt and kill his people, not in the way the terrorists had today. Not one of those resistance people had been killed, there was that one driver who was shot as he escaped with some woman.

Daniel had killed that driver and Diana's delight was more than evident when she pulled him aside later in the room ensuring that none of the humans remaining left. Nor did she have a problem displaying her disappointment in both he and Steven as she confronted him on what she felt was his laziness to the important task given him. Her tone was demeaning and scornful, guess he won't have to worry about being invited to her bed again. However, except for what had happened to his three friends, he has kept his composure and a commanding tone while directing the securing of the room, also he stayed calm as Diana confronted him.

Looking at his hands he can see them visibly shaking, he takes a breath and places his hands in a way that makes them less visible. Pretending that he is fine with all that has happened is ridiculous, he is not fine. The grief and rage is draining the life out of him. Looking around he can see the stunned faces of the others in the squad ship. Some look like they want to run out of the shuttle grab a weapon and kill every human they see. Others have that same stunned look he knows he has with the swirling emotions inside urging him to roll up in a corner or join the others in their rage.

The ship lifts and those who wish to run out and kill will now have to embrace their own guilt and grief. Victor is walking amongst them and then stops and takes a knee in front of him. The man gives him a grave stare for a moment and then a very concerned look. "Those were your friends, those two troopers and sadly Gordon. Gordon, I know was one of your best friends and that it is a friendship you have shared since you were very young children. If you need help, please, please let me know."

The very look he gives Victor shows that he is rejecting his help and he snarls, "Gordon is dead. They killed him. Hototer is, was a trooper and so young and they burned him alive." Then his tone changes and he asks quietly, "Beytlo is he going to survive his injuries?" Then rage returns, "They killed them and hurt Beytlo who may not survive. I don't need your assistance."

Quietly Victor asks, "It is a confusing. Remember you're Whipelli. You believe that you will cross over to the next path, a new life. One day it will be Gordon who will come to greet you when you are a very old man to begin that next life's journey." There is a moment's hesitation, "I am going to sign you out for a temporary medical leave starting immediately. I will speak to Steven."

"No! Do not, do that. I am just fine to carry out my duties."

Victor frowns and says nothing for a moment. "No. No, you're not." Then he gets up and walks up to another individual and speaks to him.

Wishing that he could just remove the grief and frustration just for a moment so he could figure out things would be very good. How could two of his friends be dead and one likely to die before the morning comes or is it morning already. Time seems to be at a standstill.

Looking back he sees himself checking the passes as the humans enter. In the background he can see Gordon directing the troopers. Odd looking back at it all, Steven for some reason stood behind him the whole time. Funny, a woman came up to Steven and from her smile you would think there was something more intimate between them. They truly seemed to be flirting with each other, Steven had said to not check her pass, but she insisted. There was a man with her that he wonders if it was her husband, but how could it be as this meant the woman was being flirtatious in front of her mate. This woman then invited Steven to come and visit her, he managed to keep his face unemotional as she and Steven continued their conversation.

Suddenly it feels like a sharp knife has been thrust in him as he remembers that Gordon had overheard this conversation and gave Brian a crooked grin at the way the human and Steven were interacting. Gordon should be sitting here talking and laughing over that moment. Now, all there is a dark sadness that won't go away as the shadow of his friend sits next to him.

When he came back into the room he found the human called Kristine dead, before he left to check the doors, she was just beginning her broadcast again. Did Diana really kill the news person Kristine, with everything swirling in hyper-speed after the resistance made their terrorist attack he thinks she did. At least he has been told that when he asked, he finds himself wincing. It is hard to believe that Diana did this with everyone in the room watching her. He finds himself groaning and Jim turns to him, but he just shakes his head and turns away. This thought of Diana doing what Diana does without hesitation, this is just Diana.

What is weirder he could swear he knew the man that Steven had him check the pass on twice. He remained calm showing no emotion when asked to comply, but now all he has is regret. What he should have done was say, 'I think I know this person.' Why did he know that man. Who was that man and why does he feels so much responsibility for the terrorist attack.

Brian looks back and forth looking at everyone, all look angry or sad. The feeling in this squad vehicle is depressing. He wishes he could get the memories out of his head, if they would only go away and allow him to have a moment to just think straight.

Will he ever forget this night, he remembers just before the door closed he could see two troopers being shot, although they were shooting at the humans before being shot themselves. The weapons the troopers had should have killed all of the resistance, but they didn't. When they checked the guns after things settled they found the guns were not working. They would not have given unchecked weapons to the troopers. This also, puts Doing Our Own Thing at great risk. By tomorrow night he may be dead and not by humans, Diana is not known for being kind. Also, why did Aloohula's father request that Aloohula be put in for medical evaluation. Yes, Aloohula had been out in some cold weather, but all was good. Except for his and Jason's odd idea of some Anyx thing which in their mind some ancient people placed artifacts on their world and this one to be found when the time was right. Artifacts to be used when their people and humans became united and follow some destined path to correct some disaster that will be coming. The Great One's plan to take water is simply the way to bring the two together. A very bad start for this plan of unification. His two friends are crazy and thankfully no one, but a few know if this outrages story of theirs. No, he's very happy that Aloohula was not there tonight, one less friend to be dead.

Remembering that door closing and not being able to get in where the attack was happening had been so wrong. It was supposed to be a safeguard, but it kept them out of the room to assist in bringing the humans down. Steven told him to go and get the laser that would allow them to get into the room. He had nodded and moved briskly away to get it. Once they retrieved the laser, it did not take long and Steven kicked the door in with a look of complete frustration before they finished completing the process.

It was to late, dead and dying troopers on the floor and John had his fake skin torn from his face already and he was being taken away to a safe area. He was going to join Steven in taking the humans who had done this, but he was told to stay and secure the room.

His thoughts return to the broadcast, just before leaving to check the exits, he was working to ensure all was safe in the room and that there was no more human resistance in that room. His attention was not on the human, but he could overhear some of what Kristine was saying. As she began her broadcast he was sure she said it was terrorists. Then abruptly she changes what is being said and confirms it was the resistance who had done this act of violence. The act of violence is not what she said, it is what he wished she had said. The human went on to say that it was to show the people of Earth what his people truly were. What this news person said his people were, they are lizards she stated. Do these people not know what an alien is. There is very little of his people that are truly reptilian. All they see is that their eyes are different and his people have green skin which looks like large scales, to the human eye and this makes them immediately lizards. Also, if you are green, then you are evil. Forget that Gordon is now dead. Forget his people breath, feel pain and his people can die. This is where things changed for him as he left to check the exits and he found his friend dying. What Diana did and why to this human is at this moment not his concern.

There is a slight bump as the ship lands on the deck, he watches as everyone gets up slowly and likely they feel as numb as himself. One thing is sure, his reaction to his friends death in front of everyone will keep him from getting the new promotion and likely lose his current position with Steven.

After departing the squad vehicle, Jim takes hold of his arm as he stands on the docking bay. When Brian looks in his eyes it is like a fever is swirling there. The rage is very apparent as Jim speaks, "Those weapons. Who did that. They turned them off. Who did that?"

All he can do is shrug, "I don't know, you can't turn them off by some signal. I don't understand how it could happen. They would not have been given out if they were not in full working condition."

"You and Steven should have taken more care to ensure that they were working." Jim's voice is very quiet and he can barely hear him speaking. "This means you should have known. You killed them. It's your fault."

Brian can barely take a breath as guilt comes to him, "We did. I don't know how this happened." Pulling away from Jim all he can do is walk away with the guilt, rage and dark grief attending every step he takes to his room.

There are people talking all around him, tonight was a night that few will be able to go to sleep, not with the memories of what has happened. Walking past two people talking about scientists has him thinking of Robin. Entering his room he watches as Kelly's eyes never leave him. He spits out, "I am fine. Taking a shower."

His roommate is frowning, "You have blood on you. Our peoples blood."

"I am taking a shower," Brian says once again and undresses. Except he had taken his shower before leaving for the hospital. There is no water as he has used his daily shower allotment, he bangs his head on the wall a couple of times and for whatever reason he remembers who the man was with the pass. The one who's pass Steven asked him to verify. That was Robert Maxwell, or at least he believes he was and he finds it hard to breathe. Robin had showed him family photos and one day the man had walked in while he was leaving. Why didn't he recognize him tonight, it is his fault that so many died. The guilt once again consumes him and all he can do is try to wash the blood off of himself with what water allotment he has for the sink.

Walking out naked he begins to dress again, he's not going to sleep. Steven had already sent him a message telling him the time and where to meet to discuss what has happened tonight. This is likely where he loses his new promotion or the one he thought he was going to get and Steven will likely demote him tonight. Anger comes to him, this is all his fault. His friends are dead because of him and Beytlo may not survive the night.

"Listen, I know you feel responsibility for what happened tonight. I can see it all over you," Kelly says quietly. "But, its not."

"The weapons inside didn't work, yet they did outside the building. I had Gordon check as the weapons were given to the troopers, all was good. It was on the list as which gun was assigned to which trooper. The troopers inside that room, their weapons didn't work. It is my fault, I must have missed something." He sits on the bed and Kelly walks over and sits next to him, "I was to secure the room and when I left to check the exits. . ." Brian brings a hand up to his face as the feeling of loss comes on him again, "looked over I saw Gordon on the floor. Gordon he took my hand and we looked into each others eyes. I kept telling myself he wasn't dying, I did that over and over in my head. He asked that I remember him always and not to forget we just leave for Avena, because we are doing our thing." Brian finds himself choking on his next words, "He said we will see each other when I cross the path to the next life. He will greet me and go with me."

Kelly just sits there and then sadly says, "You are my friend and I know you didn't do this. Someone has done something, but not you. I am going to miss our grumpy friend."

"Me, too."

Putting his arm around Brian's shoulder Kelly takes a deep breathe, "Again it is not your fault. Someone must have messed with the program for the power test, so when you tested the guns power source where the weapons are stored, they passed. It is the only thing that makes sense as to why the weapons inside the hospital didn't work."

"The power crystals. You think that someone changed them and then made a change to the program testing the power? Seems like a lot of work and being caught would be right there." Brian closes his eyes, this sadly makes sense. When he opens them he turns his head and looks at Kelly. "This means it is someone on the ship if this is so and not one of the Visitor Friends."

Speaking softly, "Brian." Kelly stops speaking and looks stunned and makes a gesture, "Someone was willing to see our people die in order to help the humans. We are making friends with our DO as they like to say and we would protect them before our own people. Do you think that there is another group working with humans?"

"Yes, there must be." He looks up to the ceiling for a moment and then mutters, "All I want to do is curl up and disappear," What he feels is a dull numbness taking hold of him, this and what feels like fatigue. Sadly, he knows this is likely guilt and grief. "I have to keep moving. I gotta go and meet with Steven." He shakes his head. "I am losing everything we worked for and I know I should care, but I don't right now."

"No, you fight for that promotion. Say nothing of what you think you are guilty for. We need you to rise as far as possible in rank as quickly as possible." Kelly says with a commanding voice. Then he sighs, "We need you. Be strong when you speak to Steven and if other ranking officers are there, be the one in control. Be tough, I know you can do it."

The lack of energy and drive has him just looking at the wall and wishing he really could disappear. "Okay, will do." Turning his head Brian rises to his feet, time to at least pretend that he is strong and in control. "Wish me luck."

Kelly nods and he leaves and once again is walking down the hall with the feeling that his hands and feet are completely numb. Everything feels like he is walking through a dream, a very dull dream. Once he reaches the room he enters and finds not only Steven, but Victor as well.

Steven speaks with an icy tone, "Sit." He turns to Victor and back to him. "There will be no sleep tonight. You do understand this."

"Yes, sir."

"Victor and I have spoken. Your childhood friend, Gordon has died and you were with him when he took that last breath. I was told you seemed extremely emotional and many saw you. I can't have some overly sensitive child in charge of anything. Do you understand."

"I totally understand, but he was my childhood friend. If you also noted, I secured the room. I also, believe that someone has messed with the power crystals in the weapons that were given to the troopers who were assigned to that room so that they did not work. There was no way that they could shoot at the humans repeatably and miss and yet the humans were able to wound or kill them without an issue."

Steven's tone is very serious, "I agree. We tested the weapons and they appear to be working, but are not. I just received the test on them and the power crystals were no longer blue. Again, the crystals in the weapons in the room were clear instead of blue. There were some in the other rooms where troopers had been that were such a light blue that if they were used just once they would no longer be of value. We believe that is what happened to the troopers in the room, the crystals were a very light blue and used just once causing the power to dissipate. This means that the program was changed to make it appear that the crystals were still of value, but the reality was they were not."

Brian gapes at Steven in disbelief even though Kelly had brought it up, it was the only thing that could have happened, it is the realization that someone on this ship was quite willing to kill their own people. He shivers and the unquiet grief engulfs him once again, how does one do this to their own people. The only thought that comes to him is that this individual has a great deal of passion and he wonders could he ever be willing to destroy the lives of so many of his own people. Not just the one that dies, but the family and friends left behind, for their lives will not be the same as their loved one will never come back home. Then he shivers again and the rage comes to him. "Have they found this person?" This he has asked with an angry tone, which he regrets immediately. First, he must not seem emotional and secondly, it is the plan of Doing Our Own Thing to leave. The just leaving is something that is going to have its own issues. The confusion begins to settle on him once again and all he can do is try to push it away and he finds it difficult to either not be completely detached or put away the grief.

Steven shakes his head, "To think that they let that trooper die by burning him alive with that explosive. Justice will come." Then he looks at Brian and actually has a concerned look to him. "I'm sorry about Gordon, he was very good at his duties. The trooper was a friend to you as well and again I am sorry about their deaths, but remember they served with dedication."

"Yes, their loyalty was always there to serve our people and Our Great One. Hototer was a new friendship, but I will remember him with warm thoughts always. Do you know if Beytlo will be okay?"

"No, information at this time." Steven says and then frowns. "Again you are sure you can continue to serve, because if you believe you will be overcome with grief then I must ask you to stay behind."

"Yes, I can." Brian can barely refrain from moaning from the sadness and anger inside himself. However, if he is to keep his rank and the respect of his ranking officers and those under him, he must remain in control. "What are you wanting me to do. You said no sleep."

Victor who has been quiet, finally walks forward. "I want you to consider this. You were chosen due to your. . ." He pauses and bites his lip for a moment, "You were chosen partially for your sensitivity. It helps you to read and manipulate others, but it also has some more negative side effects. Sensitive, literally means being sensitive. You may wish to take some time for yourself. Gordon was very close to you and your thoughts may not be as clear as they should be."

Steven sneers at Victor before turning to Brian, "Tell me honestly can you or can you not serve as requested."

Brian shrugs as though there is only one answer, "My passion is my work. Gordon's death is a deep sadness within me, but I embrace justice and he would want it that way."

Victor shakes his head, "I think you are making a mistake. However, it is your decision."

There is now no question in his mind what he is meant to do. Whoever killed his friend is going to be brought to justice. Then a nagging thought comes to him, the Youth Corp must not let anger rule. He must make a speech in the morning, uniting them and reminding them that they are as one, unification is now more important than ever. They can't reveal that Doing Our Own Thing is what they truly support or what its goal is. "Sir, I think it is important for the Youth Corp to know that even through this disaster that we stand together. I don't know if you have noticed, but we embrace our unity and our passion to serve, we also work to unite all of the younger staff and troopers."

"That will be fine, we have all noticed the work the Youth Corp has done with uniting the younger people on the ships. We thank you," Then Steven turns to Victor and with a smile says, "You have done a good job Victor in everything you have done to prepare and guide the Youth Corp."

Victor says nothing and only gives a nod, there is a look on his face that is hard to read.

"I would like to make a speech tomorrow. I will need some time tonight, I promise not much just some notes and then I will give a short speech." Brian glances to both Victor and Steven, "So please don't cancel the morning meeting."

Victor looks toward Steven who nods in agreement. Victor says quietly. "That would be good, I think that it will help bring everyone together during this stressful time. Unless Steven has something further, why don't you leave and put those notes together."

Steven replies as he nods to both Brian and Victor, "That sounds good. When I am ready with your next assignment I will send it to you. Write the notes and if possible try to get a nap. Don't undress as we will need you to do as requested quickly most likely." Brian nods and begins to leave when Steven speaks again, "You made a good choice with that human Daniel. I am glad that you wanted him promoted."

"Thank you, sir." Brian mutters, "I believe he has great promise." He waits a moment, but the conversation is finished and he leaves.

Walking down the hall he encounters Jim again and so he stops walking, might as well get the angry remarks out of the way.

Jim walks up to him and looks around for a moment. "Brian, I am sorry about the remark about the weapons. We just ran some tests, wasn't you. However, it had to be someone on this ship. Makes me sick. I feel badly about what I said, you have done a good job."

"I understood. I feel the same anger and grief. Yet, we must take a deep breath and go on for the sake of those we feel responsible for."

Jim nods, "I agree. I have to go." He nods towards the door he himself had just come out.

Brian watches Jim enter the room for his own conversation with Steven and Victor, now he finds himself just standing there in the hall not moving. Doing Our Own Thing had seemed so risky before and somehow he had forgotten that just life in the Regime was risky. Standing there he tilts his head, is that Gordon walking down the hall. He finds himself smiling, then he realizes it is all in his mind as he watches the shadow of his friend pass by him with a smile. How does one go on and how does one not go on, life just gets more complicated the older he gets.