"Where's Deacon?" Rayna asked as she walked back into the waiting room at Vanderbilt Hospital where Colt, Luke and Stephanie were still waiting.
"He never came back. Thought he was still in with you and Maddie." Colt quietly answered, still upset over Maddie's decision to wait instead of deliver their twins.
"Were you two able to talk some sense into her?" Luke sniped
"uuuhhhmmm…she fell asleep after talking with Deacon. I didn't get to talk to her. I just sat with her for a little while. I thought Deacon came back here. I need to find him." Rayna nervously said as she turned to look for Deacon
She sent him a quick text
[Where are you, babe?]
She quickly received his response
[Chapel]
Rayna followed the signs hanging from the hospital ceiling directing her to chapel. She was surprised Deacon had walked so far alone with only his cane for support.
"Hey, You scared me when I didn't find you in the waiting room with the Wheelers." She said as she approached him
Deacon was alone in the chapel. His head was down as he sat in one of the pews near the front. His eyes were red. Rayna could see he'd been crying. His breathing seemed labored to her as she sat down next to him and gently rubbed his back, unsure of what to say.
"You should've told me she was here, Ray." He quietly said without looking up
"I'm sorry. I just didn't want to put any more stress on you. I know you already feel bad, like you and this cancer have ruined Maddie's first year of marriage and her pregnancy. I worry about you, Deacon. I worry about Maddie too, and those babies. You're right though. I shouldn't have kept something this big from you no matter the consequence. She needs her daddy now. You helped a lot. She was sound asleep a few minutes after talking to you."
"I promised her I'd be here to hold Deacon when he's born." He sadly admitted
"Deacon…why would you…." She trailed off voice cracking
"She needed somethin to hang on to. Somethin to get her through this. I didn't know what else to say, but I'm gonna do my best to hang on for her and our grandbabies. I shouldn't still be here now and for some reason, I am." He finally looked up
"I know, Deacon. I'm so thankful for every extra day we get. I'm so happy every day when you get up and seem OK, and even a little stronger some days. You keep amazing me. I know you have your bad days, and days you just wanna give up, but I'm so happy you're still in my life, and I have no idea how I'm gonna live without you." She quietly said through tears as she brushed his cheek
"I'm not givin up, Ray. I know there's not much hope. No list or calls to wait for now, but maybe somehow, someway…a chance. I promised Maddie. I need at least a little more time to make good on that."
"Why don't we get you home, Deacon? You look so tired. It's been a long day."
"I don't wanna leave her, Ray. We should be here at least until we know she's OK."
"Deacon, you need your rest. You're not gonna be able to be here for her, if you overdo it and get sicker. We'll come back first thing tomorrow, and Colt will call if anything changes. She's sleeping. There's nothing we can do."
Rayna worried as she led Deacon to the car. He seemed so weak and tired after a long day. He'd never admit it, but she knew he was struggling.
She woke him as she pulled into the garage at home. He easily let her lead him to their bedroom, and into their bed. He was asleep before his head hit the pillow. He barely stirred as she removed his travel oxygen concentrator and replaced the tubes on his face with the large home model.
His breathing leveled out as she removed his boots, and covered him. She gently ran her fingers through his dark hair, and planted a light kiss on his lips. He was so exhausted, he never moved.
It was barely 7pm. She was exhausted, but restless as she sat alone at the kitchen table worrying about Deacon and how much time she had left with him. She worried about Maddie and her choices. She wasn't sure how she felt about the matter, but like Deacon wanted to support Maddie's choices. It seemed the Wheeler's weren't so supportive of Maddie's wishes.
Rayna finally slipped into bed next to a still sound asleep Deacon around 9pm. She'd called Colt and talked to Maddie again. Nothing had changed at the hospital. Luke and Stephanie had gone home for the night. Colt was by Maddie's side although he didn't support her choices. Rayna felt some comfort knowing Colt was with Maddie at a time when she should be, but couldn't. She was so torn between Deacon and Maddie.
Rayna had been asleep a few hours when she woke to Deacon sick in the bathroom. The room was dark, but she could see light under the closed bathroom door. She glanced at the bedside clock, 12:06am.
"Babe, are you OK?" she quietly asked opening the bathroom door
"Go back to bed, Ray. I'll be alright." He softly said from his knees in front of the toilet
"Do you need anything? You haven't eaten since breakfast. You were soo tired when we got home. How about some dry toast and maybe some ginger ale?"
"I can't eat anything right now, Ray." He slumped back against the bathroom wall
"OK. Do you feel well enough to come back to bed?"
"No, I'm gonna stay here for a little bit. Go back to bed, Ray. You don't have to stay up with me."
Rayna's heart was breaking as she watched him curl into a fetal position on the bathroom rug. He seemed so weak and helpless. She knew he hated that she was seeing him this way, but she couldn't leave him alone on the bathroom floor.
She grabbed the blankets and pillows from their bed, making a quick makeshift bed on the floor in the bathroom. She curled herself around him from behind and just held him the rest of the night. He occasionally woke to get sick.
"C'mon, Ray…let's go back to our bed." Deacon gently helped Rayna off the floor and scooped up the bedding
"Are you feeling any better?" she sleepily asked as they slipped into their king sized bed. The morning light was just starting to peek around the bedroom blinds
"I dunno. I can't puke anymore. There's nothin left." He tried to laugh, but his ribs hurt from dry heaves as he slumped back against his pillow
"I'm gonna make you some eggs and dry toast. You need something in your belly, Deacon. You haven't eaten solid food since breakfast yesterday."
"You don't gotta do that, Ray. Lay down. You look so tired." He pleaded as she got up, slipped her robe on, and headed toward the kitchen.
She returned 30 minutes later with a tray
"Here…try a few bites, and take a few sips of ginger ale. You might feel better if you have something in your stomach." She sat next to him bed trying to coax him into eating
Deacon took a bite of eggs, ate a whole piece of dry toast and took a few sips of ginger ale before drifting back to sleep.
She watched him sleep, worried that his breathing seemed forced and labored.
Several minutes later, and too tired to keep her own eyes open, she curled up next to him and drifted back to sleep.
"Ray….Ray….baby…I can't breathe….." Deacon's worried pleas woke Rayna from a sound sleep. She quickly checked his oxygen concentrator and the tubing for obstruction. Nothing seemed wrong as the machine hissed and whooshed as usual
"Sit up, Deacon. Is that any better?" she asked as he struggled to catch his breath
"No…" he replied winded, concern growing
She quickly switched him to his portable oxygen concentrator, hoping maybe it was a problem with the large home machine.
"How about now? Any change?" she asked fearing the worst as he continued to struggle
She grabbed her phone and dialed 911 as she held his hand.
The 10 minute wait for the ambulance was agonizing as Deacon struggled to breath and turned several shades of blue. The 15 minute ride to the hospital as EMT's busily tried to keep Deacon breathing was a blur. All Rayna could do was watch in horror from the ambulance passenger seat.
They finally arrived to the Vanderbilt ER after what seemed like hours. Deacon was in and out of consciousness, but hanging on as the EMT's kept a bag pump filling his lings with air, causing his chest to rise and fall. His eyes focused on Rayna each time he came to.
Dr. Rand rushed in as EMT's relinquished the bag pumping to ER nurses.
"OK, Deacon I need you to listen to me. We're gonna put you on a ventilator to breathe for you, while we run some tests to see what's going on. Are you OK with that?"
"What do you mean OK with that?" Rayna was freaking out as Deacon slowly nodded "Yes" to a ventilator
"Rayna, he signed DNR paperwork and requested no extraordinary means. We have to honor his wishes if he stops breathing." Dr. Rand explained
"No, Deacon…PLEASE…not now. I'm not ready to lose you!" Rayna pleaded as the nurses rushed to hook up the ventilator, while some continued the manual bagging to help him breathe
Deacon surprised the nurses. As they tried to switch from bag, to ventilator he pushed the anesthesiologist away
"Do…whatever you need…to do. I promised Maddie. Help me!" he pleaded breathlessly
"So you want us to cancel the DNR order and do whatever we need to do to help you?" Dr. Rand asked to be clear
"Yes." He slowly nodded
"OK, we're gonna numb your throat so you won't gag on the tube. Just relax. You're doing great." Dr. Rand tried to reassure Deacon as nurses rushed to insert an IV, and the anesthesiologist tried again with the lidocaine spray to numb Deacon's throat for the tube insertion.
All Rayna could do was stand back and watch helplessly.
A couple hours later, Deacon had been admitted to Vanderbilt. Rayna had watched him fall into a peaceful sleep in his hospital room. He was finally able to rest as the ventilator took the strain of struggling for each breath from his tired body
She dozed herself in a chair nearby as they waited for Deacon's test results.