The Minerva docked at a ZAFT base not too far away from Gibraltar. Kim's mind couldn't stop replaying the terrible images of the Minerva's last fight with the Earth Alliance and the Orb forces. The Minerva was a sturdy vessel but the damage done by the Earth Alliance and its forces were so severe that the ZAFT ship had to stay docked for a while. The reparations would be costly in time for Kim's team. But the Miverva and its crew were stills standing. So much couldn't be said for Lunamaria's Zaku Warrior and Athrun's Saviour. Both machines had sustained so much damage that even the mechanics crew of the Miverva were puzzled as to how they would repair the Mobile suits. Also, Rey's machine was almost sliced in half and the Victoire was also shook and frail from the impacts with the Freedom. In addition to an already difficult situation, Athrun was injured. Not just physically, but his mind was also shattered. The last fight, for him, had been excruciating. The pressure of war was now rattling his mind and Kim worried for her best friend. He was lying down on his back, sleeping while Kim was holding his hand, sitting next to him on the infirmary bed.
"Don't leave me swimming alone in this shit puddle, Athrun. I need you to be strong…" she said, closing her eyes. Athrun's breathing was steady and his sleep was deep. Lunamaria had awoken the day prior, also very much shaken from the Minerva's last fight. Her arm was broken and she had suffered a concussion. Her dark pink locks were covering her eyes while she was put under anesthesia for a reconstructive operation to her arm. Kim had decided to stay in the room with both injured to make sure that her pilots would recover. Since they had come back to the hangar bloody, Kim hadn't seen Shinn nor Rey. It was very unusual for the both to stay quiet for this long. Kim found it suspicious that she couldn't hear Shinn's voice down the halls, at the mess hall, hell, even in the infirmary where the Extended prisoner, Stella, was being treated. He was nowhere to be found. "Athrun, I promise to come back later. Rest, my friend. I need you." Was all she said before exiting the room.
Kim headed for the bridge of the Minerva where the Captain and her in command team usually prepared the team's next move. Kim walked towards the main door and opened it to see Commander Arthur talking to Gladys. Kim nodded at Gladys, who had noticed her presence. After all, Kim was also commander on this ship and she needed to know the extend of the damage done to her vessel.
"So, as I was saying, Captain Gladys, there's no serious damage to the main engine but the hull and the main armaments of the Minerva are severely damaged…It's impossible to fix it here. Also, most of our viable Mobile suits are out of order as well. The situation is not so good, ma'am. Let us not forget that Belva Sheen and her machine are MIA and that three of our pilots are injured or seriously rattled… It's in moments like these that I hate my job…" said Arthur, shaking off the anxiety of the last days.
"To think that we only have a couple more days of travelling before arriving at Gibraltar… talk about bad luck. I know we can't repair the ship and the machines here… but we'll have to make due with the resources that we have on hand as of right now. You know what, I'm getting slightly annoyed by our encounters with the Earth Alliance and those Orb forces... fighting with them always leaves a very bad aftertaste to our ship and team… But we are not defeated. I want this ship on anti- air and anti- submarine alert. We cannot afford to go in battle right now, so I suggest we keep our eyes and ears open for the enemies." Said Captain Gladys.
"There is another subject matter that I would like to discuss with you, Captain. There was word for you from Headquarters, Captain Gladys. One of our… pilots, Belva Sheen, is to be transferred to another vessel…They have requested her immediate presence to Gibraltar base HQ for the transfer…" Gladys eyes widen. "They knew she's MIA, right? She's dead, Arthur, how can she be transferred? I hope they were told!" exclaimed Talia, on the brink of losing her shit.
"Our communication system is down, Captain. We can scarcely contact Headquarters, much less communicate with a spaceship thousands of kilometres away from us, in space…The Joule team is now descending to Earth and headed to Gibraltar for the transfer of personnel. I tried other measures to talk to Yzak Joule, commander of the vessel, but to no avail… So, in short, they have no idea… I know that in these dire and trying times-" But the commander didn't have time to finish his sentence that Talia Gladys had punched the table next to her, sending numerous cups of coffee in mid air.
"Fuck! I don't need this right now, Arthur! I don't want to have to deal with this shit! We need them in space, not at Gibraltar! They're moving for nothing right now! If you don't find a way to communicate with the Joule kid, you'll take care of the shit ton of paperwork this will cause us!" she said, her teeth showing. Kim closed her eyes in despair, sweat beading on her alabaster forehead. The Joule Team? Why would Yzak Joule need Belva Sheen at this exact time? The thought of her whispering his name made her shiver. She would have to face him again. Kim sighed. She was now very, very nervous. Kim wasn't ready to face him yet. She needed to think of what to say to him when she would finally gaze into his blue eyes. Kim could feel tears forming in the corner of her eyes and she looked away from everyone to mask her apparent distress. "When will we be at Gibraltar, Commander?" asked Gladys, her heartbeat still racing.
"In a couple of days. We must make sure to not run into battle again during this time, Captain. It could mean the end of us. The situation will become even more difficult for us lot from now on..." Said Arthur, exiting the room. Kim put a hand on her captain's shoulder.
"I know this is hard for you, Captain. But we'll make this work, no matter how dire it will be. I'll fight two Mobile suits at the same time if I have to." Gladys smirked.
"I don't think you'll have much of a choice, Kim. You and Shinn are the only pilots I have right now that can fight." She said, leaving the room. Kim saluted her and walked out as well, returning to the infirmary. When she got into the room, Athrun was sitting on his bed, his eyes opened. "Athrun!" said Kim, rushing to him, hugging him. Athrun didn't make a sound.
"Are you alright, old friend?" she asked him. "Never better… ouch!" said Athrun, holding his head in his hands. "You've hit your head, Athrun. You should lie down…"
"It's ok, Kim. What- What's going on?" Kim sighed.
"Well, Athrun I'm going to put this simply. The Saviour is destroyed. There's no way to put it back in working order. Looks like Kira pulled a number on you… Lunamaria's machine is also down for the taking and Rey was also hurt and taken down in the last battle. We're down to two machines and a pretty banged up ship. There's another thing… Belva is being transferred." Said Kim. Athrun didn't seem surprised.
"Yes. I could see that coming. She's not suited to fight on Earth, she's too inexperienced." He said. Kim frowned and Athrun looked at her. "What's the problem?" he asked.
"Well, Athrun, she's MIA. We couldn't find her body nor her Mobile suit." Said Kim.
"Damn, what a shame… Hope Arthur could cancel the transfer…" said Athrun.
"See, this is where it gets fucked. We can't communicate with the other team. Yzak Joule's team." Said Kim, sorrow in her eyes. Athrun almost stood up, making Kim gasp. Athrun seemed angry. His fists were clenched.
"I hope I see him, Kim. I'll transfer him a punch in the face." Said Athrun, visibly angry. He had been waiting to meet with Yzak Joule again, to look at his satisfied mug and hurt him until her cried for all the suffering he caused Kim. Athrun wasn't a vengeful person, but he couldn't stand her being treated the way he had treated her, like a disposable item, like she meant nothing to him. "Oh, wouldn't that be a glorious picture, Athrun, really, but please don't. You'll get in trouble, I'll get in trouble…" she laughed. "To think of it, it wouldn't be the first time we got in trouble together." She said with a giggle, a smirk decorating her lips. Athrun also smiled and winced in pain as his injured shoulder tortured him. Kim pushed him back down on his back and sat at the end of his bed.
"Athrun, I'm so sorry for what happened… I'm responsible. I should have done something about Kira, I should have- " started Kim, but Athrun didn't let her finish.
"I promised your sister that I would protect you. I should be the one apologizing, Kim. That will never happen again, I promise. If only Kira…" He said, putting his hand on hers. Athrun had always been there for her in difficult times. She would return the favour. She knew he was having a hard time processing the fact that Kira almost killed him, leaving the Saviour and himself in shambles, destroyed. His long-time friend, Kira, the man Athrun trusted more than himself, had tried to take his life and that bothered him immensely. Tears were forming in his eyes and Kim couldn't find the right words to comfort him.
"Why did he do it, Kim?" he asked, his voice shaking.
Kim sighed. She didn't know why. All she knew is that Kira had his reasons, no matter how confusing and obscure, to do the things he did and being his sister didn't mean she had access to his mind and thoughts. Even she couldn't figure him out herself. Kira had always been such a complex individual and his thinking process was completely different from hers.
"I don't know, Athrun. I should be the one crying and asking for your forgiveness. I should have protected you like you always protected me since we got into this together… You were always there to question my actions when they needed to be questioned, you were always there to comfort me… And I will repay the favor, Athrun. Next time I'll face the Freedom on the battlefield, Kira will learn the meaning of fear." She said, now holding Athrun's hand. Kim told Athrun to stay here while she got them refreshments at the mess hall, where she bumped into Shinn, a recovering Lunamaria and a seemingly fine Rey.
Shinn was standing there with a smug expression on his face, as was his habit. He was talking to his comrades, who were closely listening to him. Kim didn't want to interrupt the conversation, but she couldn't help listening to what Shinn was saying. "I hope we don't have to fight the Freedom and the Archangel in the next couple days or were doomed." Said Lunamaria.
Rey smiled to Kim and waved. "Glad to see you're doing well, Commander. How's Athrun? Is he alright?" he asked. Kim forced a smile on her face. That Rey kid… she couldn't shake off the uneasiness she felt around him. "Oh, he's recovering. He should be on his feet in no time. The Saviour though… is irreparable." She said to him. Shinn turned around to face her, being unbearably close to her once again.
"I thought he'd be sulking in his room, alone. Athrun was taken down in a flashy way by the Freedom, was he not? I imagine he's in a sour mood." Said Shinn. Kim frowned and grunted in annoyance. "Why would he be sulking? He fought admirably." She said to him.
"I'm sorry but in all honesty, I'm shocked. I thought he was stronger than that. I wonder how he made it into FAITH if that's the best he can do…" Kim teeth were grinding and he hands slowly balled into fists. The rest of the crew stayed silent. There was tension in the room and Kim glared at the young Coordinator facing her.
"If you had to fight your ex comrade, how would you feel then? Did you numbskulls ever wonder how difficult it is for Athrun to fight the Freedom and the Archangel? How hard it is for me? How dare you question his skills and determination, Shinn! Athrun is and will always be a better pilot than you. Better than me, even. Looks like that puts you in third place, kid." Said Kim with a smirk. She was about to head back to Athrun's room when Shinn stopped her. Lunamaria gasped as Shinn grabbed Kim's shoulder.
"What makes you think you're better than me, uh? Athrun and you… you guys are has-beens. You walk around here, thinking you're the shit when everyone here hates you. Always hanging around together, alone, belittling us…You are always looking oh so superior, right, Commander Desjardins? The facts are the facts! You and Athrun got defeated and I got out of battle the victor!" he said, smiling, giving Kim the hardest time. Kim growled.
"There's no winning side in this war, you idiot! We're all losing! Look around you! Do you see happy faces? Do you see life? I see dead men walking! If you can't see that, you're no fit to pilot a GUNDAM, no fit to wear that red coat and certainly no fit to look at me with disdain! So wipe that smirk off your face before I do it for you." She glanced at Lunamaria, Rey and the rest of the crew with fire in her eyes.
"And I'm glad you guys don't like me. 'Won't break my heart if you don't want to talk to me either." She said, leaving the room, pushing Meyrin out of the way. Kim was so sad for Athrun. The guy didn't deserve the resentment Shinn was giving him. Athrun's heart was broken when Kira gave him the final blow during our last encounter with the Archangel. It took everything for him not to attack Kira. In truth, it was Kim who lost control and damaged the Freedom and she could have prevented the Saviour's demise, but she has been blinded by rage. Kira was still her little brother, but she had a hard time understanding his logic and that made him dangerous for Kim. When Kim reached Athrun's room, he was gone. His bed had been made and he had put on his uniform again. Damn him. She had specifically told him to stay here. Kim hurried back out of his room and began her search for his on the Minerva, almost running.
After an hour searching for Athrun, give gave up on the idea of finding him. He was probably hiding in the hangar somewhere. She needed fresh air. She walked towards the main deck and let the ocean breeze hit her face. She untied her ponytail and let her black hair flow in the air gently. She unbuttoned her red coat and let the fresh wind his her neck, refreshing herself. She was lost in thoughts. Athrun, Kira, Cagalli, the Archangel, the Minerva… the more Kim exchanged blows with Kira, with her enemies, she felt as if now she didn't have a choice but to fight. All this time being Orb Executive made her pilot once again. But now… now it was different. The war had taken a tole on her. She wasn't as solid as he had once been. Her mind was tired and so was her body. If only this war could stop… Images of Heine being killed ran in her mind. Why did innocent people have to die? Images of Kira and Cagalli fighting on the battlefield haunted Kim's thoughts. She never wanted to see them again in such a setting. They were family, not enemies. Kira made her so angry. How she wished she didn't have to fight him. She knew she wouldn't have a choice.
"I see Athrun isn't with you." A voice called her. She turned around to face Shinn. She had noticed that is was sunset and the orange rays of light made Shinn's crimson eyes burn with intensity.
"We're not attached to the hip." was all she stated before turning her back to him, facing the water once again. Shinn took a step closer, on his guard.
"You're different than him. You're different than Rey, Lunamaria and myself. Not only in the way you fight, but also in how you think. What is it that I don't know?" he asked her.
"There's a lot of things you don't know, Shinn. How to stop bothering people when they want to be alone is one of those things." She said, almost hissing at him. A crooked smile appeared on Shinn's lips. "For the life of me, I do seem to get under your skin a lot." He said, now standing next to Kim. She sighed.
"You know Shinn, if you weren't my teammate, I would have killed you a long time ago. You know that, right? You know we don't have a friendship but a forced coexistence. What you said about me is probably right. I am what I am. I cannot fight it. But what you said about Athrun, my best friend, my sole comfort in this world, I cannot forgive you for that. I can't blame you though. You haven't learned the meaning love yet. Real love. I'm not talking about idle sentiments or fucking. I'm talking about caring for someone more than you care about yourself. Didn't you love your parents, your sister, Shinn?" she asked, startling him. His eyes grew angrier.
"Don't you dare talk about-"
"Didn't you love them more than yourself? Did you? Or am I wrong? I wouldn't be able to know. See, this is how I feel about Athrun. I don't hold any physical attraction towards him, but in my core, I'd do anything for him. That's what you call friends, Shinn. Do you have friends? Real, trustworthy friends that would take a bullet for you? I doubt it." She said, taking a step closer towards him. He took a step back when he saw the hateful gaze in her eyes. He didn't have time to react. He hand was already gripping his alabaster throat, slowly squeezing the air out.
"Athrun is a part of my life that I will fight to keep. He means everything to me, Shinn. And compared to him, you mean nothing." Shinn eye started watering as he grabbed Kim's hand around his neck, trying to set himself free. 'If you disrespect Athrun ever again in my presence, I will run the Victoire's blade in your cockpit, teammate or not. There will be no mercy. That's how far I'm ready to go." She said, a malicious light in her eyes. She then released the boy and Shinn fell to his knees, gasping for air. He stayed silent, slowly getting up.
"Love… you say? Is that what love is to you?" he asked. She nodded, looking away again. He didn't say anything. He walked back inside, leaving Kim on deck alone. Then, a smile appeared on her face. She realized that something inside of Shinn changed, even if it was something small. At least, there was that, thought Kim as she enjoyed the rest of her time bathing in the sunset. Her discussion about love with Shinn made her realize something she'd been trying to avoid for months now. Silver hair. Blue eyes. Angry demeanour. She was still in love with Yzak Joule. Kim finally allowed herself to let go of her sadness and for the first time in a while, she let the tears roll down her cheeks and the sobs escape her mouth.
It seemed like hours passed. Kim finally made it back to the main floor. She felt lighter, freer. At the end of the hall, Athrun was walking towards her. "Kim, where were you?" he asked. She frowned.
"Athrun, where were you? You're supposed to be resting! Why are you- " She was interrupted by an alarm. She quickly looked at Athrun and he shrugged, puzzled. Both the FAITH officers ran to the bridge, alerted by the Captain's shouting. "What's this dumbass doing? Is he trying to board the Impulse? With the Extended prisoner? This kid will ruin me!" she said, angrily sitting on the Captain's seat, screaming orders at the CIC operator. "Don't let the hatch open!"
Meyrin turned around, dazzled in fear. "Captain, someone's overriding the hatch terminal system! I can't control it anymore! There Impulse has launched!" screamed Meyrin, her voice in a high pitch. Gladys sighed with anger. Athrun nodded his head in disbelief. Kim was used to opening hatches herself, she couldn't say anything. She smirked. Shinn was more like herself than she thought.
"Meyrin, where is Shinn headed? Can you read his coordinates?" asked Athrun, standing next to the pink haired girl.
"He's heading northwest… To the last known coordinates of the Gaia's mothership of the Earth Alliance!" Kim looked at Athrun, amazed. "Jesus Athrun, he's bringing her back." She said, floored by the kid's actions. That look he gave her on the outside deck… Kim had made a difference in the young man. Gladys was now barking orders, ordering the Minerva to follow in Shinn's direction. The Minerva's engine fired up again and the ZAFT warship quickly began its route in the open seas.
"What do we do now, Captain?" asked Shinn. Gladys angrily sighed. "We wait for him to return, I guess. Why can't anyone follow my orders around here? I'm the Captain, I think it's simple…" Poor Talia. She did have a rough time lately with Shinn and the sheer stress of her everyday job routines took a toll on her. "Alert me when he comes back." She said, leaving the bridge, heading to her own personal quarters. Athrun put a hand on her shoulder and frowned.
"I have an idea of who might have opened the hatch for Shinn. And if it is who I think it is, we better head there before the military police officers do." He said, both of them running to the hangar. When Athrun and Kim got to the hangar entrance, the officers had already handcuffed Rey to the wrist and were escorting him outside, in the direction of Talia Gladys's office. Rey and Kim's gazes met. Again, Kim got uneasy looking at the blonde youth, his familiar blue eyes staring at her. And then he smiled.
"Shinn will never be able to say it, but I want to thank you for him." Rey stated before roughly being pulled back again by green coats. Athrun had a puzzled expression on his face, his arms crossed.
"What did he mean by that, Kim?" he asked, almost accusatory. Kim smirked. "I have no idea." She said with the tiniest smile on her face before they followed the escort party back to the bridge. Being FAITH agents, Kim and Athrun had a say in what happened. After all, they were the commanders of this ship's pilots and their immediate superiors. Athrun moved on to the office with Rey and asked Kim to check on the hangar when Shinn would finally come back. "Don't be too rough with him. He's already having a tough time." Athrun instructed her, disappearing with Rey in the Captain's office. Kim just nodded and walked back to the hangar and sat next to the Victoire, falling asleep.