When Shikamaru learns that Ino is dead, he is cloud-watching. The person who informs him is a nervous man with a perpetual stutter that Shikamaru finds incredibly annoying. He puts up with the man until he hears the news, and then he forgets the man is there at all.
When Shikamaru learns that Ino is dead, he says nothing at first. Then the man whom he momentarily forgot existed asks him if he's alright, and he hears himself saying yes, and thank you.
After a while, the man goes away.
Shikamaru looks up and notices suddenly that the sky has darkened and the clouds are forming into roils of black and grey. He thinks this is odd, because only a moment ago, they'd been white and friendly.
But then again, a moment ago Ino hadn't been dead.
-
Shikamaru goes first to visit Chouji. He knocks on the door of Chouji's house, and his large father comes to answer. He is not smiling, and Shikamaru finds the incongruous expression awfully amusing.
"Is Chouji home?" Shikamaru hears himself asking. Chouji's father's response is a rumble of thunder.
"Yes...I think he'll be glad to see you," says the large father, moving aside his bulk to make room for the shadow user. Shikamaru nods and enters the house. He walks quietly down the empty hallways to Chouji's room. The door is closed, but not locked.
Shikamaru pushes it opens. It creaks quietly.
Chouji is sitting on the bed with a bag of chips; but he isn't eating. Shikamaru takes a moment to capture this image of Chouji on the bed, with an uneaten bag of chips hugged to his chest. It is so tragic, it's funny.
"Chouji," he says. His voice is much too loud and it ruins the stillness of the moment, ripping the frame. Chouji looks up at his voice, and the rustle of his figure and the length of his stare are forlorn. They remind Shikamaru of a European dog he'd seen once; a Basset hound, if he remembers correctly. The whole comparison is laughable. He shouldn't be comparing his best friend to a droopy European dog, but death makes things loopy and nonsensical.
Chouji says nothing but stares at him, like he's a savior or something. Like he's expecting Shikamaru to come in and stop the world from crashing down on their heads; like he can make the InoShikaChou complete again. The hopeful look hurts more than if Chouji were to scream and rail at him, or beat him senseless like Shikamaru knows he can. But he also knows that Chouji would never do such a thing.
That's one thing he hates about his best friend.
Shikamaru and Chouji sit side by side on the bed for a long while. It is only after three hours pass that Chouji finally opens the bag of chips and begins to eat.
-
Shikamaru remembers the first time he'd met his teammates. He hadn't been particularly thrilled when he was assigned to them. He knew the three of them didn't fit; they were awkward and uncoordinated and hadn't the slightest notion of teamwork.
Ino was too loud and too blonde, and that was the first thing Shikamaru noticed. But he also noticed that she wasn't ugly, and that she could be nice if she really tried.
Chouji was alright, because he didn't do much besides eat. Shikamaru didn't mind him.
Shikamaru knew from the start that none of them would ever amount to anything great. It was a gut feeling; a kind of wisdom—or was it instinct?—that told him so. Not that he minded, because life wasn't very exciting, anyways. He was content to settle for a second-rate fate.
But there were the surprises.
There were, from time to time, the seamless moments. There were times when they knew each other so well that they didn't even realize it. There were times when Ino stood up for her boys even though she insisted she really didn't care for them, or when Chouji became something neither Ino nor Shikamaru could fathom because he was so beautiful. Shikamaru came to understand that they understood things, too—only, Ino wouldn't stand to accept the circumstances, and Chouji was too wise to even try.
They became the InoShikaChou after seven months of knowing each other. Asuma had become frustrated with the trio and was on the verge of giving up. Instead, he surprised them all and signed them up for the Chuuin exam. Shikamaru thought he did it only because he knew the three of them couldn't pass; after all, Asuma had a wretched sense of humor to match the smell of his cigarette smoke.
None of them thought they could do it (though Ino did pretend she was confident). They'd grown, yes, but they hadn't excelled. There was a stark difference.
It was in the Forest of Death that Shikamaru discovered Ino's weakness. It wasn't the feigned kind of weakness she used to charm boys, but a weakness that she hid because she knew it could be dangerous. In Shikamaru's opinion, Ino's vulnerability made her prettier. He'd never tell her, though.
It was in the Forest of Death that Shikamaru also discovered Chouji's strength. It was when the three of them pulled together that Chouji become remarkably strong, remarkably gifted. When he wasn't thinking about Korean barbecue or complaining about the lack of food, Chouji was one of the most inspiring people that Shikamaru knew.
It was in the Forest of Death that Shikamaru discovered his own genius. He'd always known that he was smart. But in the Forest of Death, Shikamaru became smart enough to know there were limits to his genius. That made him sharper than ever.
And so they didn't die in the Forest of Death.
Perhaps Asuma hadn't recommended them merely to satisfy his own sadism. Perhaps he'd known all along it would bind them, tightly, irreversibly; and maybe he was actually a good teacher.
Shikamaru was smart enough not to question reality. He knew the answers would never satisfy.
-
Shikamaru knows he's becoming more cynical as time passes. He knows this because he thinks too much, now—he thinks about ironic things and gets a good mental laugh out of them. He thinks he enjoys being cynical more than cloud-watching, these days. There's no one to tell him that he's wrong.
He thinks cynically as he sits on the bed beside Chouji, who's eating his bag of potato chips. Shikamaru imagines what life would be like if the InoShikaChou had never existed. He believes they all would have been happier. One day, he thinks, if he becomes motivated enough, he'll invent a time machine and erase the InoShikaChou. All the useless tragedy.
He sighs. Chouji munches.
All those seamless moments.
Shikamaru is stirred from his cynism when Chouji grunts gently. He's holding out something. A potato chip.
Shikamaru looks to the bag clutched to Chouji's chest. It's empty and crinkled. He looks back to Chouji, whose hand is still suspended with the small crisp, and realization dawns. The last chip.
Shikamaru can't say anything. There's a strange lump in his throat that prevents any words from coming out or any cynical thoughts from popping up. For that, he's grateful for the lump.
Shikamaru hesitates. The last chip is the strongest symbol between them. He isn't sure if he should accept or not. But then he looks back to Chouji, and Chouji has on the most somber expression. In this light, he is the beautiful thing that neither Ino nor Shikamaru could fathom. Shikamaru knows that Chouji only looks like that when he's utterly serious about something.
So Shikamaru accepts. He takes the chip and sticks it in his mouth, chews slowly. It's over-salted, maybe a little stale. But it's good. Shikamaru swallows and the blessed lump disappears along with it. But still, there are no cynical thoughts to fill this moment.
Chouji turns away and reaches for another bag.
Shikamaru thinks that a time machine was a dumb idea, after all. Probably the dumbest idea he'd ever come up with. Shikamaru thinks back to this morning, to the darkening sky and the black clouds. The weather had been stormy and the stuttering man's words confused. But one thing is clear.
He doesn't want to forget InoShikaChou.
-
I'm so in a rut. Geh. Something I wrote a while ago.