Casey woke up in the middle of the night with a mind full of excited thoughts and nervous anticipation. She buried her head in Olivia's chest, eliciting a soft grunt from the brunette, who was still sound asleep. She looked out the window at the heavy rain and purred softly to herself. It was time. It was time to stop chickening out and being so nervous about something she knew Olivia would be amazing at. It was time to woman up and get over her nerves. That thought in mind, Casey tried to sit up, but found herself pulled back down.
"Where are you going?" came Olivia's sleepy voice in the darkness.
"Um." Casey paused, unsure what to say. What the hell should she say in response? Was honesty the best policy here? Knowing it was, she took a deep breath, then replied. "I was going to go make a special breakfast. You know how hungry you get."
Olivia sat up slowly, rubbing her half closed eyes. Once they were fully open, she pulled Casey on top of her, kissing her passionately. "How can I not be, when I have a gorgeous prosecutor who needs so much damn loving? But really, baby, where were you going? I hope not home."
"No, of course not," Casey replied, not bothering to state the obvious on that one. "I really was going to make breakfast because…" She sighed. "Well, you know how I've told you four times that I'm ready to use the thingy? And how I've chickened out all four times because I was so scared? Well, I've been thinking, and yeah, I know my ribs aren't completely healed yet, but I know in my heart that I'm really, truly ready now. Last times I knew in my brain, but now I know in my heart too, so I have to be right, right? What I'm trying to say is…I swear on my love for you that I'm ready now."
Olivia listened silently to Casey's insanely fast talking before kissing her passionately and rolling her over onto her back so that SHE was on top. "The thingy, huh?" She chuckled to herself. "I understand that you're afraid, but I'm not going to hurt you, Casey. I love you, and I would never do anything that you didn't want."
"So you're not mad that I wimped out so much?"
"Why would I be? It's a big step in a relationship. The way I see it, you're either ready or you're not. There is no in between. It's okay to be nervous, Case. It can be scary the first time."
Casey looked up into her eyes. "Were you scared your first time?"
"Are you kidding me? I was so scared I kept my eyes closed the whole time, because I was trying to convince myself not to be. Don't do this just because you feel you have to, I've told you that before."
"I'm not."
Olivia smiled softly. "Okay. Raise your right hand." Casey, wondering what the hell was going on, did as she was told. "Do you, Casey Novak, solemnly swear that you're absolutely ready for Olivia Benson to throw you on the bed and make love to you in this new way? "Yes," Casey answered quietly.
"With or without cuffs?"
"Without. The first couple of times, anyway."
Olivia got up from the bed. "Really, babe, it's the middle of the night and you just randomly decide you want me to make love to you with a strap on. Close your eyes and keep them closed until I tell you." Once more, Casey obeyed. After what felt like forever (though that might have just been her nerves), Casey felt Olivia climb back into bed. "Keep them closed," Olivia instructed. "I'm not going to hurt you. Relax, and enjoy it, okay sweetheart?"