Disclaimer – I do not own BMT world – it belongs to Trudi Canavan

Epilogue

Neris balanced the tray on one hand, while she used the other to tap softly at the door. Hearing the quiet invitation to come in, she entered Lord Tommen's cluttered study. As usual, he was seated behind his document-strewn desk reading through some papers and making notes in his ledgers. He looked up with a cheerful smile and said, "Just what I wanted, a nice, hot cup of tea."

He got up and walked stiffly over to his favourite chair by the fire and sank into its depths. Neris carefully placed the tray on a side table next to him and poured the tea. He took it and sipped gratefully.

"Do join me," he said, just as he did every time, and pointed to the other fireside chair.

Neris poured her own cup and sat down. She looked over at Lord Tommen and thought he looked exactly how a young child would imagine a magician to look. He was very old, with shoulder-length silver grey hair. His thin face was wrinkled and his brown eyes were faded. He only lacked the long white beard, which was a necessary attribute for all magicians in children's stories. They had been sharing a pot of tea every afternoon since she'd become Housekeeper and she frequently found herself looking forward to the time spent alone with the old magician. He was a gentle man and conveyed an air of calm, no matter how fraught things were and that calmness always soothed Neris.

They sat companionably for a while, sipping their tea and silently watching the flames. It was quiet in the house, now that the High Lord and his entourage had gone. They had left mid-morning and Neris, along with all the magicians and servants, had gone outside to see them off.

The High Lord, keeping to the colour of his rank, rode a jet-black horse and as he swung himself up into the saddle, Neris was suddenly reminded of the time he had rescued her on the road back to the Guild. She remembered the closeness of his body as he rode behind her into the forest, his arms reaching round her to hold the reins. She looked up at him just at the precise moment he looked down and caught his gaze. To her surprise, he winked at her as his lips curved into his crooked smile, and she knew he'd remembered the two of them on his horse.

Lorlen came over to her, leading his own mount, "You've looked after us well, Neris, as usual," he said, "It was really good to see you again. I'll know where to come if I need a Housekeeper." He dropped his voice and whispered, "You're a great improvement over my current Housekeeper, she's a real old dragon! I must do something about that….."

Neris laughed, it was so good to laugh with Lorlen again after all these years. She watched him settle into the saddle, taking a moment to calm the animal, he'd never been the accomplished rider that Akkarin was and his horse seemed to know it.

Sonea was riding a pretty little dun mare, which she managed with ease. She trotted over to the High Lord's side and the rest of his party lined up behind them. There was a further moment of last minute farewells to their hosts and then they were off down the long straight road leading out of the village. The magicians and servants stayed clustered around their gate until the High Lord's party were out of sight and only a faint cloud of dust in the distance indicated where they were.

There was a sense of emptiness among the people left behind. For a few days, they had been at the centre of things, everything hustling and bustling around them, a bit of excitement in their humdrum lives, and now that was over. The High Lord had gone and life in Cluniton would return to its normal slow, quiet, rather dull self.

Now, in the peace and tranquillity of Lord Tommen's study, Neris tried to decide how she felt. She'd had the advantage, knowing that Akkarin was coming, whereas he had had no idea she would be here. All the weeks of anticipation after they'd received news of his coming and now, it was all over in a few days. She sighed. Will I see him again?

"He's turned out well, your young man, Neris."

Lord Tommen's voice recalled her to the present. She heard his words first, without understanding their meaning, then when her mind repeated his words, she felt herself grow pale.

"My young man, Lord Tommen?" she asked hesitantly.

The old magician smiled his gentle smile and reached over to pat her hand.

"Yes, your young man, Neris. The one you got into trouble over, the High Lord."

There was no way she could deny it, he would know if she were lying. Magicians could tell, she knew that for certain now.

"How long have you known?" she asked.

"Let's have another cup of tea and I'll tell you all about it."

She rose and poured the tea, belatedly noticing there was cake to go with it. She cut a thick slice for Lord Tommen, it was his favourite, and took a small slice for herself. After she'd sat down again, the Healer began his tale.

"A day or so after you arrived here, I received a private letter from Mistress Harban. She and I knew each other quite well from the time when I lived in the Guild. Anyway, she was very upset over what had happened and wanted me to understand that you weren't a wicked person, just a young girl enjoying her first love affair who'd been caught by people who were looking for a way to punish you both. She told me everything, including the name of the novice involved. She explained she'd sent you here to me, instead of expelling you, and you'd have to spend a few years here, then she hoped you would come back to Imardin and continue your career. She had high hopes for you, that you would become someone of consequence, but unfortunately she died before she could organise your return and as no one knew of her plan, here you still are, seventeen years later."

"Does anyone else here know?" she asked anxiously. She couldn't bear it if others knew of her disgrace.

"My Housekeeper, Falen, knew the reason, but not who was involved. I was the only one with the full story and I've told no one. I think Harban blamed herself for sending you to work with the novices. She felt responsible and although she couldn't prevent the actions of Mistress Mina and the Novice Master, she did her best to try to salvage some sort of future for you. It was only her death which prevented your recall to Imardin."

Neris hadn't known just how much she owed to Mistress Harban. All these years, she had resented her equally with Mina and Caton, but now she could appreciate just what she'd tried to do. It was hard now, to even remember clearly what she looked like. All Neris retained was the vague image of an old, white-haired woman. She looked up at Lord Tommen.

"I understand, now, why you were so kind to me when I first arrived here," she said with a smile. "You were the only one who bothered to talk to me and then, giving me the garden to work on, I think that was the only thing which kept me sane in those first years."

The old magician seemed to lose himself in thought for a moment, then said, "I knew exactly what you were going through. When I lost my wife and child, I thought the world had ended and there was nothing left for me. I was young then and couldn't imagine a life without them, but fate had other ideas, and here I am still, scores of years later, still living, still carrying on with my work. I knew you needed something to work on and the garden needed some attention." He laughed, "It was a good thing you liked gardens, otherwise I don't know what I would have found for you to have for your own!"

Neris replenished their teacups and cut the Healer another slice of cake. He took it eagerly, He does love his sweet treats, she thought fondly. He's just like a child when there's cake about.

"How do you feel, now that you've seen him again?"

Lord Tommen's voice was soft and Neris barely heard him. She didn't answer straight away because she'd been puzzling over that exact same thing since the High Lord arrived. She tried to put her chaotic thoughts in some sort of order.

"We were very young when it happened, and simply lost in the wonder of being together. It was a time full of exploration and discovery with opportunities for indulgence in simple physical pleasures. I suppose neither of us really thought beyond the moment." She stopped speaking, lost in her memories before continuing, "Then it stopped, suddenly. We were cut off from each other as if an axe had severed our heads from our bodies. I never saw Akkarin again until a few days ago. There was no time for farewells, no final messages, nothing….."

Her voice died away. She was half aware that Lord Tommen had gone to fetch something from his cupboard. The next thing she knew a glass of wine was being pressed into her hand.

"Drink this," he said softly, "I used to find it helps with memories."

She sipped at the rosy liquid, relishing the slightly sweet taste on her tongue.

"All the years since, whenever I felt lonely or sad, I would remember all the times we had together. I would fall asleep picturing him in my mind, trying to remember each and every word we ever said to each other. I was so afraid I would forget."

"Perhaps if you'd been able to continue your affair, things would have run their natural course. You, or he, might have decided to end things. You might have found someone else. He might have been sent away after graduation. Any of these might have led to a natural ending, unhappiness for a time, then you'd move on. The way things happened to you meant you never had this…."

Neris smiled at the old magician, "Yes, that's exactly it! I felt frozen in time, waiting for something to happen, always waiting, but nothing changed."

"And now," the old magician repeated, "How do you feel, now that you've seen him again?"

Neris was silent for a moment, then she said, a thread of surprise in her voice, "I feel so much better. You're right, he has turned out well. All the fears he had as a novice that he would not succeed, be the strongest and the best, they've all been laid to rest. He is the most powerful magician in Kyralia, he has succeeded in what he set out to do. And, as well as all that, he never forgot me!" She couldn't quite keep a note of pride from her voice as she said the last few words.

"He told me he'd asked you to return to Imardin, but that you said you wouldn't leave me." Lord Tommen looked quizzically at her, "Is that what you truly want to do?"

Neris's gaze was fond, as she looked over at him, "Yes," she said softly, "It wouldn't be right to just walk away. Once I dreamed of a future with Akkarin, but that has never really been possible. Servants and magicians don't live happily ever after."

"The High Lord married a dwell," Lord Tommen pointed out.

"Yes, but she's a magician, not an ordinary dwell. I have no magic, I would always have been 'the servant'. Do you think a magician married to a servant would have become the High Lord? No, he would not! Anyway, the High Lord has another life, a wife and family, he has moved on. There's no place for me in his life."

"But you still care for him." It wasn't a question, more of a statement.

"Yes, I do care for him very much, and I think I always will, but not in the same way as I did when I first knew him. Seeing him again has made me realise that…"

"From the things he said to me, he cares about you, too, Neris. Like you, not quite in the same way as when you were young, but he does really care what happens to you. He would like you to end your exile and return to your home."

And I have longed to do just that all these years, she thought. Yet, it seems to me that for the moment, Cluniton is my home. She said softly, "One day, I shall return, but for the time being, here is where I need to be."

Lord Tommen put down his cup and smiled at her, "I must confess I'm selfish enough to be glad you want to stay. You look after me and the others so well. You're a kind and generous girl, Neris…"

She couldn't prevent a sudden pang of bitterness. Kind and generous, they all say that! Surely there's more to me than merely kind and generous…..

Lord Tommen was still speaking and she made an effort to concentrate on what he was saying.

" …and I've often thought that perhaps, if my child had lived, she would have been like you."

Neris felt the tears spring to her eyes. Lord Tommen rarely spoke about his lost family. She had never even known the child was a girl before today and she was overwhelmed with affection for the old man. She got up and sank to her knees next to his chair. She took his hand and laid her head upon it. She felt his other hand gently pat her head.

"Now, now, Neris," she heard him say anxiously, "I didn't mean to upset you. Come along, now, stop crying….."

She raised her head and looked at him, smiling through her tears, "I can never repay all the kindnesses you have shown me. I will stay here with you for as long as you need me."

He smiled at her awkwardly and she could see he was a little embarrassed at her outpouring of emotion. He patted her again and she got up to return to her chair. Silence fell between them as calm once more descended on Lord Tommen's study.

The End

I hope you have enjoyed reading my attempt to cast a little light on what might have been Akkarin's early life. I have enjoyed writing this story and I intend to write another one soon. Thanks for reading!