CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE
True to her word, and mostly due to the toughness of one Colonel Samantha Carter, Dr. Lam released her previously septic osteomyelitis patient twelve days from her initial presentation.
Sam sported a soft brace on her arm to help keep her from overdoing it on her newly healed wrist, but otherwise she seemed perfectly normal.
Daniel drove her home.
As Daniel turned down her street, Sam noted that the rental SUV was no longer in her drive. She turned to Daniel and asked about it.
"Who returned the rental car?"
Daniel answered with a grin. "Oh, Teal'c and I ran it to the agency the other day. You and Jack were still in the infirmary then."
"Thanks."
"No problem. So, speaking of Jack, where is he, Sam? He took off after he got discharged and I haven't heard from him since. What's going on?"
Sam laughed a little laugh. "He's back in Minnesota, Daniel. Said he had some things to take care of. He'll be back. Did you let him know I was getting out today?"
Daniel nodded. "Yeah. That's why I'm surprised I haven't heard from him and that he's not here. Seriously, what's going on with you two?"
Sam sighed. "I wish I knew. It's all screwed up, Daniel, and I really don't think I can explain it. I'd rather not talk about it."
Daniel shrugged. "Ok. Just let me know if you need anything, ok?"
Sam looked at Daniel and smiled. "I will. Thanks, Daniel."
"Anytime, Sam."
They had reached Sam's house by now, and this effectively ended the conversation. Sam collected the small bag of personal things that Daniel had brought her in the infirmary and stepped out of the car.
She was halfway to the door when Daniel called out to her.
"You sure you're going to be ok, Sam?"
Sam smiled. "I'll be fine, Daniel."
"Aright. But call if you need anything at all."
"I will."
Sam continued on her way inside then and Daniel watched to be sure she made it before grumbling something nasty about Jack under his breath and putting the car into reverse.
XXX
Five hours after Daniel Jackson dropped Samantha Carter off at her house, her doorbell rang.
Sam was lightly napping in the living room when the chime sounded. She'd been expecting the interruption, however, and she came fully awake instantly.
Sam opened the door to reveal a nervous-looking Jack O'Neill.
Jack smiled when he saw Sam, but the expression didn't reach his eyes. One hand ran through his short hair then started tapping on his thigh.
Sam smiled back and opened the door enough to allow Jack inside wordlessly.
As Jack shrugged out of his coat, Sam greeted him.
"Jack."
Jack hung the coat up on a hook near the door and answered. "Sam."
"So, I can't say I'm surprised you turned up here, but I think you should let Daniel know. He seemed pretty mad that you weren't here earlier."
Jack laughed. "Tell me about it. I had about twenty messages from him when I touched down. I already let him know. I figured if I didn't, his head would explode."
Sam laughed out loud. "No doubt. So, you flew down then?"
Jack nodded. "Yeah, I snuck in before the front hits."
Sam looked puzzled. "Front?"
"Yeah, a storm's coming. Shouldn't be a bad one, but it would've grounded me. So it's a good thing they released you when they did."
Sam nodded. "Yeah."
Jack slipped his boots off and looked Sam right in the eye for a moment before speaking again. Anger and fear and vulnerability was transmitted in his look and was reflected back at him in hers. Finally, when the tension of the emotions between them got too high, Jack looked away and spoke under his breath.
"So, how ya feeling, anyway?"
"I'm alright. You?"
Jack shrugged. "Fine, all things considered. Still a little tender, but I'll live."
"Good."
"Yeah."
Silence fell again and again it was Jack who broke it as the pair moved into the living room.
"So, you hungry?" Jack tried to keep his voice casual, but failed. Sam could tell he was still nervous and that something was on his mind. It didn't take an astrophysicist to tell what it was.
"Yeah, a little. We can order Chinese if you want. I had a craving earlier for some sweet and sour chicken."
Jack nodded. "Oh, yeah. Sounds good. Sure beats infirmary food, huh?"
Sam smiled. "Yeah. Grab my phone, will you? It's there on the counter."
Jack was closer to the kitchen than Sam, so he snagged the phone off the counter as he passed and handed it over.
Sam dialed a number without thought, and Jack's eyebrows rose. "You know the number?"
"Of course I do," smiled Sam. "You want your usual?"
Jack nodded as Sam spoke into the phone.
"Hi. I need one sweet and sour chicken with steamed rice and one beef and broccoli with lo mein. Ok, thanks."
Sam hung up and plopped into a chair in the living room. "Should be here in about thirty minutes."
Jack sat down on the couch opposite Sam. "Cool."
Silence descended again. Jack picked up Sam's remote control and began to fiddle with it, but did not turn on the TV. After a moment, Sam reached across the room and took it from his hands. Her hand lingered on Jack's, and he looked up to meet her eyes.
His expression was almost fearful, and it worried Sam, but she knew that they had to talk about Minnesota. Their nearly two week 'vacation' from their problems was over.
Sam bit the metaphorical bullet.
"So. About that talk."
Jack sighed. He didn't want to do this, either, but he knew he had to.
"What about it?"
Sam sighed back. "I guess now is a good a time as any to have it, huh?"
Jack shrugged. "I don't know. I was thinking you might want to settle in a bit first, or…"
He trailed off and Sam took control of the conversation. "No, Jack. Let's just do this. I'm tired of not knowing what's going on with us. You seemed pretty peppy when you left before, and you said you wanted to talk, so let's talk."
Jack sighed again and nodded. "Ok. Here goes."
Sam looked at Jack expectantly.
Jack took a deep breath and swallowed once, then began.
"Alright. Here's the deal. I'm not giving up my hockey teams."
Sam started to protest, but Jack continued without letting her butt in. "And I'm not giving up my cabin. It's paid for, and I like it. A lot. It holds lot of good memories for me, and it's always been a place where I could escape when life got to be too much."
Sam opened her mouth to speak again, but again Jack cut her off. "Let me finish, please."
Sam took a deep breath of her own and nodded. She could at least hear Jack out.
Jack continued, nodding his thanks. "So, anyway, I'm keeping the cabin. BUT I am willing to give up living there full time. I'm going to live in Minnesota in hockey season, and that means it's gonna be winter, and the weather might turn nasty, and you have a point that the cabin is awfully inaccessible sometimes. So, in winter, I'll live in town. I can rent a place or whatever. Sometimes it does get old keeping the cabin up in winter, I'll admit that. But when the weather is nice, I'm going to spend some time up on the hill. And I'm going to plow if I can. My business is important to me, Sam, and while I know that it carries certain risks, this latest medical adventure of yours points out the fact that there are risks in everything. We can't live a risk-free life, Sam. Every life, every day, is in danger. That's just life. Your job is hazardous. Fine. So is mine, in an entirely different way. But our jobs are important to us, and they make our lives worth living, so we can't just do something else because it's safer. That's not us, Sam, and I don't want it to be."
Jack paused and Sam blinked a few times, trying to process the information she had just heard.
Jack's break didn't last long.
"And as for being down here, I'm ok with that for the most part. You know I do work in the summer for folks, too, but it's not nearly as much of my business as plowing, so I'm willing to give it up for a good piece of the year. If someone needs something particular, or if one of the other coaches wants me to help with summer mini-camps or something, I can always go up for a week here and there to help out. I can spend most of my spring and summer down here, but still keep the things that really matter to me up there."
Jack's speech petered out, and he looked at Sam.
She was still blinking in shocked surprise and she kept opening her mouth like she wanted to say something, but nothing was coming out. Jack raised his eyebrows and looked at her questioningly.
"Well?"
Sam finally found her voice. "Well what?"
"Well, what do you think?"
"I think you've thought about this a lot."
"I have."
"And I think that this is a very mature way to try to handle things."
"So, it's ok with you?"
"I'm still thinking."
Jack reached across the coffee table and took Sam's hand.
"Sam, look. You made some very valid points the other day about our relationship. We've been essentially dating for five years, and we're not going anywhere. You're not happy. I'm willing to do this because I don't want to lose you, Sam. I don't want you to be unhappy in our relationship. But I'm not going to just roll over and play dead. I won't give up everything that means anything to me. Especially not when you won't budge on your end. You keep asking me to move back here, but you have never once offered to come to Minnesota. You want me to give up my job but you want to keep yours."
Sam interrupted then with an angry yell as she jerked her hand away from Jack's. "My job is more important!"
Jack's face flushed in equal anger. He couldn't even speak for a moment, but his breathing rapidly accelerated and his muscles began to tremble slightly. Sam saw his reaction and backpedaled a little.
"No, I didn't mean it like that. I just meant that people depend on me, and…"
Sam was digging herself deeper into a hole, and she knew it. Jack interrupted.
"Carter, I know that my job isn't exactly saving the universe, but it's important to me, and it kept me from going crazy at a time when it was all I could do not to kill myself over not being at the SGC anymore. Don't you dare belittle me."
Sam's voice trembled as she answered. "I just think you could do that down here if you wanted to. That's all I meant."
"That's not what you said," snarled Jack.
"I know, but…"
"No, no 'buts'. That's not what you said. And that's the problem. You expect me to just throw away things that matter to me, but won't budge on anything you want. Well, it's not going to happen. I'm willing to give a lot, but I'm not giving up my business or my kids. It's not going to happen."
Sam tried to interrupt but Jack held up a hand to forestall her.
"And before you say I could coach down here, too, let me point out that there are days, weeks, and months on end that you aren't home. You spend time on Atlantis, Sam. You spend time offworld. You can't expect me to sit around your place all day and play house while you go gallivanting around the universe. I need something to do, Sam. And, God, I can't look at the mountain all the time. I just can't stand constantly wondering what's going on and worrying. I have to spend at least some time away from here. And…"
Jack trailed off, and Sam wanted to say something, but she couldn't think of what to say. Jack had a point. One she hadn't really thought of before. She had wanted Jack to move back to Colorado to spend more time with him. She wanted him to be there when she came home at night. But how many nights did she not come home? Was it really fair to ask Jack to just sit around and wait on her? Sam suddenly realized that she had been short sighted. She didn't want to make Jack unhappy anymore than he wanted to see her upset.
Sam sat for a moment, thinking and absorbing, then realized Jack's last word had been 'and'. She looked up at him quizzically and quietly asked a question.
"And what?"
Jack looked confused. "What?"
"You said you had to spend some time away from here, AND. And what?"
Jack shrugged. "Nothing." His voice was churlish, and despite the high emotions of the night, Sam knew he was denying something.
"Jack, tell me."
Jack looked at Sam for a second, then looked away. He shrugged again and then sighed.
"It's Kyle."
Sam blinked. "What about him?"
Jack grimaced. A part of him still held back his feelings, even from Sam, and it tried to stamp down his next words, but failed. Jack shook his head in resignation and spoke softly while looking down at the floor.
"I love that boy, Sam."
"I know you do."
"No, Sam, you don't get it. He's Frank and JoAnn's son, but I feel things for him that I haven't felt since Charlie. Frank always jokes that I might as well be Kyle's uncle, but… God, Sam, don't ask me to give up Kyle. I never thought I'd feel that way about a kid again…"
Jack stopped, his voice broken. He didn't look up. It was easier to talk that way.
Sam's mouth opened in shock. She knew Jack was close to Kyle, but she never expected the depths of Jack's feelings for the boy.
And suddenly she felt like shit.
She reached a hand out to Jack and moved to comfort him, but she never made it.
A knock at the door startled her, and her hand jerked back to rest in her lap.
Jack jumped up entirely too quickly and nearly ran to the door. "Must be the food," he muttered. "I'll get it."
Sam nodded and sat rooted to her chair.
When Jack returned to the living room, he carried two bags of Chinese food and his face was a stony mask that was all too familiar to Sam. Jack O'Neill was back in control of his emotions, and Sam could read nothing on his marble face.
His eyes, however, betrayed him. They were still stormy, filled with anger and conflict and raw emotion. Sam met Jack's gaze bravely, and her eyes looked much the same.
Jack sat on the couch again and handed Sam one bag. "Dinner," grumbled Jack.
Sam nodded her thanks and took the bag, but didn't open it.
Jack didn't open his, either. He leaned back on the couch and sighed. His eyes studied the fibers of the carpet.
Sam's studied her own hands.
After a moment, Sam lifted her gaze and regarded Jack. Her mind was going ninety miles a minute, replaying the conversation she had just had with her lover and friend.
It took a minute, but she finally came to a conclusion.
Jack was right. Her demands had been unfair, and while they were good intentioned, they didn't take into account some things that obviously mattered very much to Jack.
And he was being incredibly mature about this. He had offered Sam a compromise, and she had attacked him. Guilt ate up Sam Carter from the inside out.
Jack eventually sensed Sam's eyes on him and lifted his own. When their eyes met, Sam's suddenly filled with tears. Jack's fell again to the floor and he shrugged.
After another minute, he spoke in a whisper. "Well, I thought it was a good idea. Guess not. Sorry."
Sam's heart nearly broke at the sadness in Jack's voice. She stood and came to sit next to him on the couch. Jack looked up in surprise, and his eyes grew exponentially as Sam reached out and took his hand again.
Sam took a deep breath as Jack stared at her.
"It was a very good idea. I'm sorry I reacted the way I did. I was just angry, Jack."
Jack didn't respond verbally. He just looked at Sam like she'd suddenly grown two heads.
Sam smiled a little at his expression and continued.
"Look, I know I've been really bitchy for a while about you being up there by yourself, Jack, but I didn't think about why some of the things you do up there matter to you. I didn't think about the fact that I'm gone a lot. There were a lot of things I didn't think about. And I don't want you to be unhappy, either. I don't want to get my way at the expense of your happiness. That wouldn't be fair, and you'd resent me for it. Eventually, that would come back to haunt us. I don't want that. But I also don't want to end this. It's been good being with you, Jack. So good I wanted more. But maybe more isn't better here…"
Sam's voice dropped away then, and Jack whispered back to her.
"I didn't say there couldn't be more."
Sam smiled. "I know. In fact, I think your idea is a damn good one. We can ease into things and see how it goes. I don't know why I freaked out on you. I guess I'm still just scared."
"I worry all the time too, Sam, but us living in one place isn't going to change that. Life's just too full of random accidents and illnesses to erase that."
"I realize that now."
"So, are we good?" Jack's voice was hopeful, and he looked at Sam nervously.
"I wouldn't say we're completely ok, Jack, but I'd say we're on the way there."
Jack smiled a little. "I'll take that."
Sam smiled back and gripped Jack's hand a little tighter. "Me, too. We can work it out."
Jack's smile widened a bit. "Sweet."
Sam laughed, then grew quiet again for just a second.
"Jack?"
"Yeah?"
"Can we eat now?"
Jack laughed. "You read my mind."
Jack and Sam reached for their respective bags of food simultaneously.
Dinner was devoured in silence by two hungry humans, and afterwards a lot more talking was done. Somehow, against all odds, Jack O'Neill and Samantha Carter managed to smooth things over enough that as the night wore on and fatigue took its toll and both of them began to get sleepy, they had no thoughts of leaving the couch to retire.
They instead ended up laying on the couch, nestled closely together.
Just as Sam was dropping into dreamland, Jack would speak once more.
"Sam?" Jack whispered, half afraid Sam was already asleep.
Sam's reply was groggy. "What?"
"You know I'm keeping the dog, right?"
Sam groaned. "I figured as much, Jack. It's fine."
Jack smiled, glad to have that little announcement over with, and let himself slide toward slumber, too.
He didn't make it, as Sam soon had her own late night random thought.
"Jack?"
"Huh?"
"I never asked you how you knew to come get me."
"What?" Jack obviously had no idea what Sam was talking about.
"When I was sick. How did you know?"
Jack snorted a tiny laugh. "Call it a hunch."
"A hunch?"
"Yeah. Just a feeling."
"Huh. I'll be damned."
Jack snorted. "Yeah. Weird, eh?"
Sam nodded to herself. "Yeah, but I don't care. I'm just glad you came after me."
"Me, too. Now go to sleep."
"Yes, sir."
"Hey. None of that."
Sam giggled. "Fine. Night, Jack."
"Night, Sam."
When the morning sun lit Sam's living room, it would shine down upon two entwined, sleeping bodies. Jack and Sam would wake together, and they'd smile.