Another A/N: Double update! GO ME!

A/N: This chapter is super-long…hope it's not too boring. I'm going to write as little here as possible. A small note though: I'm not even going to attempt to weave HBP's plot into this story, it'd be much too hard, so while reading this, keep in mind that the sixth year you read in the new book (wasn't it fantastic?) didn't happen for this story.

I give much thanks to my MOLAR-RIFFIC, TOOTH-TASTIC, BEAUTIFUL-AS-A-NEW-TOOTHBRUSH reviewers, and here they are: Rose Mitzkah, Steelo, undesidedcaoz, carly, PrincessSayoko, cyanideyoudrank, Exploded toilet bowl, PeriPBH, leetmaster (x2), dreamaker13, frifri, Nathifa Femi, American-Angel-07, Lady-Crymsyn, cunzhottie, pluto, Karana Belle, D/HR SHIPPER, Lady of the Realm (x2), graceypoo (x3), Quarashigirl, it wasn't me, Black Padfoot, AlienSmile13, elio, Hazelocean (x2), .Aurorablu., and Sayaku-chan!

To the Chapter!

Be a Doll

Chapter 21: Perfectly Ruined

"Mum!" Hermione whispered warningly (A/N: Woot! Alliteration!), feeling her face turn warm for the millionth time that day. Why was she stuck with the parents that always said the wrong things?

Mrs. Granger smiled at her embarrassed daughter. "Oh Minty, I'm sorry. But I'm sure you agree with me when I say he is one molar-riffic-"

"Mum!" she yelped, interrupting again, but this time throwing her father a pleading look. He was being of no help though, instead preferring to glare somewhat menacingly at Draco, who seemed frightened despite her father's obvious lack of strength. 'Oh, do I have to do everything myself?' Hermione prodded Mr. Granger, who stopped staring at once and stuck at his hand toward the tiny Slytherin.

"Hello," he said gruffly, "I'm George Granger, Hermione's father. Pleased to meet you Draco." Malfoy gripped the end of her father's ring finger and shook it, muttering a quiet, "Hello, sir" back at him. The strange sight made her mother giggle delightedly and as if on cue, Malfoy turned to her with a grin, noticing that she had taken a liking to him.

"You must be Mrs. Granger," Malfoy started silkily, pressing his lips to the tip of Mrs. Granger's outstretched fingers. "It's no wonder Hermione's so lovely, she has greatly inherited your good looks."

Hermione and her father snorted at exactly the same time, which caused them both to get death glares from their other half (in Hermione's case, false other half). "Why thank you Draco, you're too kind." Mrs. Granger cooed back, beaming at him, "And please, call me Lucille." Mr. Granger then proceeded to choke on his own spit.

"Mum, Dad, I'm sure the carriage it waiting for us. We still have to go meet Mal-Draco's mother, she's arriving at two o'clock." Hermione said, grabbing her parent's duffel bag and walking away quickly, hoping that neither of them noticed the slip. Behind her, she saw her mother and father give each other quizzical looks before grabbing their suitcases and following her off the platform.

"Minty?" An amused voice breathed into her ear. "What kind of stupid nickname is that? And here you are telling me not to call you Herm Herm."

Hermione scowled and hissed, "Hey, I'm not the one going around telling other people's mums how gorgeous they are."

"I never said she-"

"It's no wonder Hermione's so lovely, she has greatly inherited your good looks." She mocked, precisely imitating his silky tones.

"I was being charming." Malfoy said defensively. "In case you didn't notice, she was very pleased with me. Unlike your father. What did I do wrong?"

He sounded genuinely hurt, so she decided to answer him seriously. "To tell you the truth, I don't think you did anything. He's just being Dad, skeptical at first, but eventually nice and friendly as Mum. He treats his dental patients the same way. Well, except he doesn't introduce himself as 'Hermione's father'." She added.

"Great," he groaned, "Now I'm being treated like a dental patient."

"Oh, and speaking of dentistry, they're probably going to want to examine your teeth."

"WHAT?"

Hermione would have answered (okay, so she probably wouldn't have), but just then they had come upon the Three Broomsticks, where Madam Rosmerta was waiting, holding the reins to a thestral-driven carriage. "Are you Miss Hermione Granger and parents?" she asked, seeing them walking toward her.

"Yes. Thank you for waiting." She responded politely, trying to avoid looking at the scaly horses. Madam Rosmerta handed her the reins, muttered, "You're welcome", and walked back inside the pub without another word. Hermione instructed her parents to climb into the carriage and settled herself in as well. "Go please." She called to the thestrals and then they were off, practically zooming back up towards the castle.

"Will that nice Headmaster of yours be meeting us when we arrive?" her mother questioned.

"I think so." Hermione said, wondering about it herself. "Dumbledore'll probably have to put an enchantment on the two of you so that you can see the castle. There are spells on it that make it invisible to Muggle eyes." She paused, looking at the person seated across from her. "Dad, why are you glaring at my left shoulder?"

He jumped, and immediately began to stare at the sky as though he had been doing that all along. "I wasn't. I was just thinking about a few things I wanted to ask Draco."

"Oh." Hermione answered delicately, her mouth suddenly becoming very dry. "Well, I don't, er, really think that, um…he's up to that right now…what do you think Draco? Do you mind if Dad asks you a few questions?"

Malfoy gave her a blank stare. "I don't know Herm, it really depends on what you want…"

She was beginning to panic now. "No, it's alright, you decide. Really. Really."

"If it makes you happy, t-then I'm happy." He stuttered nervously, going very white. Oh God. This was the perfect time to lose their cool, right at the very start of things. "I'd prefer if you told me what you want to do."

"No really, you can do whatever you want, I don't care either way."

"Neither do I."

"So, then YOU decide."

"No, you."

"You."

"You."

"You."

"Aren't you two the cutest things?" Mrs. Granger exclaimed, throwing her arms around a startled Hermione. "George, don't you think that these next couple weeks are going to be so much fun?"

Her dad looked apprehensive, and could hardly keep the sarcasm out of his tone. "Yes. Very fun and indecisive, I'm sure."

"Oh, George, you're so silly."

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"Ah, Mr. and Mrs. Granger, such a pleasure to see you again." Dumbledore greeted Hermione's parents, helping Lucille down from the carriage. "I welcome the two of you, welcome you to Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry!"

The Granger parents stared at the towering castle for the longest time before Hermione's father cleared his throat. "Erm, Headmaster Dumbledore, sir…there's nothing here. There's just a road sign that says 'Danger, Do Not Enter, Unsafe' and an old house." Mrs. Granger nodded weakly in agreement.

"Dear me, I forgot!" Dumbledore exclaimed, throwing his hands up into the air, "You need to have the proper enchantments or you won't be able to see. Just a second…" he snapped his fingers and suddenly his wand appeared in his hand. Dumbledore then began to wave his wand over the couple. "Veneficus Conspicio!" A white-blue smoke came floating out of the end of his wand, wrapping around Hermione's parents like a snake. It lingered around them for a few moments before dissolving into the air.

George and Lucille then looked at the building before them and gasped. Hermione smiled to herself, remembering the first time she had seen Hogwarts, glad that her parents were now here. "Oh, it's absolutely beautiful!" her mother said breathlessly.

"And so big!" added George, and Hermione distinctly heard a note child-like fascination in their tones. It was this sort of thing that made her happy to be Muggle-born. To her parents, magic never lost its, well, magic.

Dumbledore looked pleased as well. "I'm glad to see Hogwarts hasn't lost its touch." He too gazed up at the castle as though seeing it for the first time, now talking to Hermione "The castle is quite breath-taking though, isn't it?"

"Yes." She said absently, glancing at her watch. "Um, Professor Dumbledore, do you think we could…?"

"Ah, yes." The Headmaster answered, adjusting his half-moon spectacles. "Mr. and Mrs. Granger? Come, let's all go up to the castle, Draco's mother should be here any minute."

It was very hard to try and get the Granger parents to move quickly back to the Head Dorms. Every millimeter at least one of them seemed to stop and say, "Wow, what's THAT!". Dumbledore was quite willing to answer their questions, but after a while Hermione was fed up. She was debating with herself whether to Petrify the both of them and levitate them back to her room, but in the end decided against it considering the Headmaster was standing right in front of her.

They finally arrived at the Head Dorms at 2:57 A.M., thanks to an extra long chat with the picture of the animal-loving wizard hanging outside the door ("Look Lucy! He's got 6 canines!"). Upon looking around the large common room, Hermione gladly noted that Malfoy's mother hadn't arrived yet.

Dumbledore found no need to stay any longer. "Miss Granger, Mr. Malfoy, I'm sure you can see to assisting Narcissa when she comes? Good. I think I'll go down to the kitchens for a cup of hot chocolate before bed…" He made his way back out of the portrait hole, bidding the Granger's goodnight as he went.

The room fell silent. Malfoy, Hermione and her parents all settled on the couch nearest to the fire, trying to warm themselves after being in the cold halls for so long. Every few minutes someone might open their mouth as if they were going to say something, but no words actually came out. They all knew what they had to do and that was wait, even if it took a while.

After almost 20 minutes, at a quarter past three, the flames in the fireplace turned emerald green and flared high, as tall as a human being. They could see a slim shadowy shape emerging from the flames. The figure paused for a moment, most likely brushing ashes off their robes. Then, she stepped into the light, holding her head high and looking extremely regal: Narcissa Malfoy. Mrs. Malfoy looked around at the other people in the room, her gaze lingering on Hermione's parents, who were both equally shocked. Suddenly –

"OOOOH, a kitty!" Draco's mother squealed, running halfway across the room to where Crookshanks was sleeping on the desk. Narcissa swept the giant cat up into her arms and began cooing at it unashamedly. "Aren't you a sweet little kitty, so fluffy and warm…"

"Mother!" Malfoy said sharply from Hermione's shoulder.

Narcissa turned around and her eyes brightened, as if for the first time noticing the rest of them were there. At once, Malfoy's mother dropped Crookshanks out of her arms. "Draco!" she glided over to where Hermione was sitting and plucked the three-inch boy off her shoulder. "Hello darling, you don't know how much I've missed you…you know, you're looking a bit puny, have you been eating all right?"

"Mother, I've shrunken down to the size of a bug. Of course I look puny." He muttered back, squirming in her tight grip. His mother was attempting to give him a hug without squashing him, but he just kept slipping away.

Mrs. Granger must've felt this was the perfect time to introduce herself. She leapt up off the couch and smiled widely at Narcissa. "Draco's such a charming boy, I'm sure your very proud to have him as a son. I'm Lucille and this is my husband George." Mr. Granger tipped his hand from the couch, apparently not eager to greet anyone that just stepped out of a fireplace. "We're delighted to meet you."

Narcissa stared at the other woman with a blank expression. "Who are you?"

Malfoy cleared his throat nervously. "Um, Mother, there's something I haven't told you…These are Mr. and Mrs. Granger, they're Hermione's parents, they're here for the holiday's too." He stopped talking, registering the puzzled look she gave him. "Look, Mummy darling…Hermione – the girl right there, the one who's been taking care of me for the past few months – is my girlfriend and these are her parents. They wanted to meet me. I though you'd like to get to know them too."

"Future in-laws!" Hermione's mother chided happily, grabbing Narcissa's free hand and giving it a squeeze.

Mrs. Malfoy looked back and forth from her son to Hermione, as though not knowing how these two people could ever be a couple. "Well, Draco," Narcissa said stonily. "There's really only one thing I have to say." Hermione thought about closing her eyes. Maybe being Crucio-ed with your eyes closed hurt less. "FINALLY!"

Both Hermione and Malfoy's mouths dropped open. Narcissa was beaming at them, looking ecstatic. "When I came here before, I could tell that the two of you had feelings for each other and just didn't want to show it – especially after Draco let it slip that you had kissed him." Narcissa motioned to Hermione. "And I'm so happy that my little Drakey has a girlfriend, I was beginning to think he was hopeless!"

At exactly the same time, Hermione blushed and Draco paled.

'HOW COULD SHE SAY THAT IN FRONT OF MY PARENTS? They're going to kill m-WAIT! HIS MOTHER THOUGHT HE WAS HOPELESS?'

'HOW COULD SHE SAY THAT IN FRONT OF GRANGER? She's going to kill m- WAIT! MY MOTHER THOUGHT I WAS HOPELESS?'

"Draco, it's not polite to yell out to the world that your mother thinks you're hopeless." Narcissa told her son sternly. Then, she half-handed, half-tossed him back to Hermione, winking heartily. Hermione felt like throwing up. Pretending to go out with Malfoy was definitely getting to her. She couldn't even bring herself to look at him.

Mrs. Granger was almost jumping in excitement. "Can you believe it?" she gushed to Narcissa. "I wonder if my mother's old wedding dress will fit Hermione, she was a lot taller than her-"

Narcissa shook her head. "Oh no, no, no, Mrs. Granger, I insist that you let me buy one for Hermione, she's going to need something stunning, something entirely new." she tapped the side of her head in thought, then spread her arms out wide, positively glowing. "Perhaps something made entirely of shining silk, mutated silk worms have been thriving lately, it would be perfect! What do you think, Granger?"

"Call me Lucille." Hermione's mother told her. "I think George has a tie that would look simply marvelous on Draco-"

"Is that what they're wearing for wedding's these days? Ties? At traditional weddings the men just wore a black suit under open robes. But, I suppose we go with whatever's popular, I want to keep up with the times!"

Oh no. Oh NO. They weren't…they weren't planning a wedding were they? A wedding…honestly…Hermione imagined herself standing in a ridiculously frilly and shiny wedding gown next to an extremely groomed Draco Malfoy, who was wearing a black suit and one of her father's horrible old bow ties…actually, he didn't look half bad…

'SNAP OUT OF IT HERMIONE!' her sane self shouted at her. 'DON'T GO FANGIRLY ON US NOW, WE NEED OUT OF HERE!'

Not stopping to think, Hermione stood up, and Malfoy, who had been hiding out inside his robes, lifted his head. Narcissa and Lucille were still chattering away with wedding plans completely ignoring George, who looked as though he didn't know whether to laugh or cry.

"We're going to bed now!" Hermione announced loudly. For the second time that night the common room fell completely silent.

"WE?" George said finally. "What do you mean 'we'?"

Hermione drew herself up to her full height, hoping that would help the confidence in her voice. "Draco and I. Both of us are very tired, it's been a long day. So, goodnight Mum and Dad, see you in the morning. Goodnight Mrs. Malfoy, it's been a pleasure to meet you again. You and Mum can go up and stay in Draco's room, and Dad, I guess you're stuck down here." She added to them, shrugging. With that, Hermione made her way towards the stairs, not expecting her father to come tearing after her before she even touched a step. He whirled her around to face him.

"The two of you sleep in the same room?" he asked her in an oddly strained voice.

"Yes, I wasn't aware of that!" Lucille shrilled. Narcissa was indifferent; Crookshanks had showed up again and she was too busy petting him to notice much else.

Hermione stared at her mother. Was this the same woman who just moments ago was planning her wedding? "Well, of course we have to sleep in the same room. Draco can't really manage on his own, can he?"

"But surely," her father breathed, "Dumbledore protested! You're teenagers! Teenagers that are dating to make matters worse!"

"What?" Hermione said, simply not understanding the point he was trying to get across. What would it matter if they were teenagers? Suddenly, her eyes grew wide with realization and perhaps another urge to vomit. "DAD!" she yelped. "He's THREE-INCHES-TALL! What could we – How could you – Why would you think-" She began to splutter incoherently, and Malfoy took the opportunity to defend himself.

"Mr. and Mrs. Granger, I assure you that Hermione and I would never, erm….do anything…bad, or, um, stuff. We're very proper and everything and, well, like she said, I am only 3 inches tall." The angry couple continued to look at him untrustingly. Malfoy sighed. "I'll put it this way. Even though Hermione is one of the prettiest girls I've ever seen," He signaled a significant glance her way, "You can trust me to stay in line."

Lucille literally broke down crying at his words. "That's as beautiful as a new toothbrush!" she sobbed, collapsing on the couch again. "Prettiest girl he's ever seen…trust him to stay in line…George, I say we give them a chance! How could you refuse after that?"

"I still think-"

"Narcissa!" Mrs. Granger interrupted, calling over to Malfoy's mother.

She looked up from Crookshanks, who she had been tickling behind the ears. "Oh, did you want my opinion on this?"

"Yes." Mr. Granger said through gritted teeth.

Narcissa obviously wanted to get back to playing with Crookshanks. "I'll go with whatever Lucille said." She said vaguely, and then squealed at the gingery cat. "Who's a kitty? You're a kitty! You're a kitty, yes you are, and yes you are, little kitty…"

Everyone except Mr. Granger grinned triumphantly (well, not because of the 'kitty' thing, the first part). "Oh, alright." He grumbled. "Remember though, Hermione, I-"

They were up the stairs before he even started.

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Hermione and Draco were sitting in the bed, positively howling with laughter. "Okay, okay," Hermione giggled, poking him in the side, "Say it again."

Draco stood up and began fluttering his eyelashes rapidly in an imitation of his mother. "The bridesmaid's can wear green dresses with little bows all over the bodice-"

He jumped to the side, now pretending to be an overexcited Mrs. Granger, hopping all over the place. "OOOOOOOOOH! Can the dresses be MINT green? It'll be all the more tooth-tastic if they were!"

Draco switched back to being his mother, now viciously petting an invisible cat. "Oh you kitty-witty-itty-bitty-litty-mitty-pitty…what did you say? Oh, of course, what ever you want."

"Wait, who's wedding are you planning? I didn't approve of this! It doesn't sound proper to me!" Hermione said in mock outrage, frowning in a perfect imitation of George Granger. "Where's Draco? I need to glare at him!" Once again the two teens dissolved into loud laughter, making the bed shake so much that they were in danger of falling off.

"That's one thing our parents are good for," Malfoy managed to say, "A laugh." He noticed that suddenly she was sitting silently with a forlorn look on her face. "What's the matter with you Granger? You look like you swallowed your quill."

"It's just…" her voice had an unmistakable quiver in it and it seemed as though she was doing everything in her power not to blush. "Did you really mean the bit about me being one of the prettiest girls you've ever seen?" she asked shyly.

Malfoy gulped. "Oh. That. Right." He could tell that she wasn't teasing him in the least, so had absolutely no idea what to say. True, she was rather good-looking, especially at the moment, but he couldn't exactly tell her that, it was be too weird. "I um… well, I think you're prettier than my mum."

"You WHAT?" To his shock, Hermione once again burst into a hysterical fit of laughter, rolling around on the bed, clutching her stomach. "You – you said – hahahahaha…"

"I don't get what's funny!" he said loudly. How dare she laugh at him after he just called her pretty?

Tears were now rolling down her cheeks. "That's the ultimate cheesy line!" she burst, still laughing her head off. "HAHAHA!"

He paled in embarrassment. "I'll have you know that that's a great compliment! My mother is a very attractive for her age." He yelled back defiantly. It just made her laugh harder. Finally, out of anger he yelled, "Shut up, you stupid Mudblood, your hurting my ears!"

Hermione stopped laughing at once. "What is the matter with you?" she hissed at Malfoy. "What if your mother hears us, do you have any idea what she might do? I swear, if you-" He dodged out of the way when he saw her hand coming. "Stay still!" she whispered fiercely, making another wild grab at him.

Malfoy stuck out his tongue at her childishly. "Haha. I may be five feet shorter than you, but I'm still a lot faster." He teased.

She stared at him. Was he willing to forget that she had yelled at him? Was he really going to just let her off on his on? Hermione studied his carefree face for a moment, and then decided that, yes, he was. She couldn't help but be somewhat impressed; since when had Malfoy been forgiving?

"Try me." She countered.

"Oh, I will." Malfoy said, giving her a challenging grin before diving into the covers.

"Why you little -" Hermione laughed, scrambling after his small figure. It was a lot harder than she would have thought. He could move fast and hide quickly and she didn't want to accidentally squash him so could only step on so many places. Occasionally he would pop up on a random spot on the bed, and just when she was about to pounce on him, he would disappear, only to do the exact same thing a couple of minutes later.

After almost fifteen minutes of chasing him, Hermione was out of breath. She flopped over on her back, breathing heavily. "Alright Malfoy, you win. I'm too tired, come on out." Silence. And no movement on the rest of the bed either. "Malfoy?" Again, no response. "Malfoy, where are you?" She sat up on her elbows to look around. Where could he be?

To her surprise, he was right in front of her, sitting on her stomach with a smirk plastered over his pale face. "Miss me?"

Quick as lightning, she leaned forward with a triumphant "Ha!" and almost had her hand closed around him when he darted forward -

Just at that moment the door opened. "Minty, where's the bathro - what in Vesalius's name are the two of you doing?"

They froze instantly at Mr. Granger's words. Malfoy was clinging to the side of Hermione's robe with one hand and she was clutching her own hip in a half sitting up position, and both of them looked distinctly ruffled and out of breath. Hermione's father stared at the two for a moment with his mouth opened, before diverting his eyes to the floor. "Hermione. Draco. Please come downstairs." He said in a dangerously calm voice.

"Dad…" she said weakly.

He wouldn't have it. "Now. Both of you." George opened the door wider and motioned for the two of them to come with him. Not even daring to glance at each other, Hermione took Malfoy in her hand and she walked down the stairs after her father, hanging her head. Once back down in the common room, he gave Hermione a soft push toward one of the couches. He chose to stand up, a glint in his eye that meant that this was to be strictly business.

"Explain."

Before she could even open her mouth, Malfoy suddenly yelled, "SHE MADE ME!" Hermione gave him a wide-eyed look.

"What are you talking about?" she hissed.

He shrugged and whispered. "Nothing. Call it panic."

Right then, both of their mothers appeared at the top of the stairs, hurriedly pulling on their dressing gowns over their pajamas. "What's going on?" Lucille asked. She and Narcissa were running down the stairs, not once taking looking away from the huddled group (Well, Narcissa did because she was holding Crookshanks, but Lucille was actually paying attention).

"Your right on time, your daughter is about to explain just that." Hermione's father answered dryly. He turned back to Hermione and Malfoy with his arms crossed over his chest as if to say 'This better be good'.

"Dad, we weren't doing anything wrong." She said defensively, "Draco and I went upstairs and we were talking." (They needn't know that they had actually been making fun of them). "We did that for a while until-"

Malfoy cut in. "Until I said something about her being a slow bookworm-"

" - We tease each other like that - "

" – And then I dove into the bed covers so that I could prove my point - "

" – By not letting me catch him - "

"…But THEN she gave up - "

" – So I called 'You can come out now', but he wouldn't come out because he was actually sitting right there on my robe - "

"And she tried to catch me but she was still to slow." Malfoy allowed himself a smirk. "I darted up her side, but at the same time she sat up to catch me and that's why we looked so tired when you found us, and why we in such an awkward position."

Mr. Granger was still towering over them. "That's not a very good explanation."

"But it's true!" Hermione said fiercely. She didn't remember ever being so angry with her father, except for the time he didn't let her read for a week. But at least he had had a reason for that. Here he was constantly attacking her simply because she had been having some good, clean fun with a boy! Isn't that what he always wanted? Wasn't he the one that had always thought her hopeless?

Thankfully, her mother was on her side. "George, you're being ridiculous." Lucille told her husband firmly. "Draco and Hermione were only playing, it was purely innocent. You should be happy that Hermione has found someone so nice instead of trying to chase him away-"

"I'm not trying to chase Draco away!"

"Oh, yes you are. That's what you've been doing ever since we got here!"

He looked scandalized. "I have nothing against Draco, and I am certainly not trying to chase him away. You know that, don't you, Minty? Don't you, Draco?"

Hermione would've liked nothing better than to say, no, she did not know that, how was she supposed to know that with him acting like this. She would've liked nothing better than to lift Malfoy off her shoulder and tell her father that he had greatly offended the both of them with his accusations. She would've like nothing better than to conjure up a sugar bowl and pour its contents in her mouth while watching him squirm. But she didn't. It wasn't his fault that they were all off to a rocky start, and it wouldn't do her any good to blame him for it. Instead, Hermione nodded and, seeing her at it, Malfoy did the same.

He gave her a small smile that made Hermione feel like restraining herself was totally worth it. "Thank you for understanding, you two. You have both taken this situation like mature adults. So I'm sure you'll understand when I tell you my decision, " George Granger paused. "We're changing the sleeping arrangements."

Pandemonium broke out.

"George-"

"Dad!"

"It was all Granger's fault-"

"Draco!"

"Hermione!"

"Minty-"

"Mum!"

"Kitty, kitty, kitty…"

"QUIET!" Mr. Granger bellowed. All was silent except for Crookshanks's loud purring.

"Now everyone listen up," Her father said sternly, "I trust you Minty, but I just don't think it's very proper for two seventeen-year-olds to be sharing a room, especially when they have feelings for each other." Good enough, Mr. Granger was so distracted he didn't notice the looks of disgust that flash across their faces at this comment. "So, instead of tempting you, we're just going to switch things around a bit. I'll sleep in your room with Draco; you, Lucille and Mrs. Malfoy can sleep in the other. That way everything will be perfectly safe."

'Tempting me? Switch things around a bit?' Hermione was so flabbergasted at her father's decision that the only thing she could manage to say was, "3 INCHES TALL!"

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Draco was perched on the edge of the nightstand, twiddling his thumbs and swinging his legs back and forth. Mr. Granger sat up perfectly straight on the bed, arms crossed over his chest, staring ahead as though he was the only one there. From the next room Draco could hear loud giggling and suddenly found himself desperately wishing to be with Granger again; at least she would talk to him and not glare at him as though he were a felon. And she wasn't obsessed with teeth.

"So." Mr. Granger stated, as thought saying the word 'so' was an actual sentence, "What is your usual sleeping arrangement? You and Hermione don't sleep in the same bed, do you?"

"NO!" said Draco a bit too quickly. Gosh, why did he feel so nervous around Granger's father, like he had to impress him or something? Calming down, he continued. "I usually sleep over here, on the nightstand." Draco lied. Well, it was partially true. He did used sleep on the nightstand, before his bed got smashed during the sleepover anyway. Since then, he had usually ended up on Granger's pillow or on occasion, hair. "And G-Hermione sleeps over there, on the bed. There is about two feet of space between us at all times, I swear." Dammit, there he went again! What was wrong with him?

George looked at him skeptically. "Oh. I see. And you just sleep right there on the table? With no bed or blankets or pillows? Isn't that uncomfortable?"

Ugh, logic. Why didn't he think of that? But Draco wasn't Hermione's lying teacher for no reason. This was an area of his expertise. "No, actually. I just, you know, curl up here, in my robe." He patted the wood in a fond sense. "It's quite a…different, eh, sleeping experience."

"Really?" said George, beginning to look somewhat interested. "And your muscles aren't all seized up in the morning?"

"Not at all." Draco said smoothly. Yes, things were finally turning his way! "In fact, this sort of relaxes all your muscles, let's them…breathe more." He settled himself on his back, hands behind his head. "I may never go back to beds after this." 'Liar, liar, liar, liar, liar, liar, liar…Ah, I flatter myself.'

Mr. Granger looked fascinated beyond his control. "That's amazing. Perhaps I should try that on the coffee table once we get back home…I'm sure Lucille wouldn't object…." He trailed off, but was brought back to earth by a loud BANG in the next room. "What are they doing in there?" he mused aloud.

"Do we really want to know?" Draco responded amusedly.

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Hermione came out of the bathroom right as Narcissa was saying, "I'm so glad to be here! This'll be just like a sleepover, except I'm married and over forty!" It made her want to turn around and hide out in the shower all night, which she was just planning to do when her mother spotted her.

"Oh, Minty! Come here and try these candies, they're so…zingy!" Mrs. Granger said, patting the floor spot next to her.

Hermione walked out to the middle of the room and saw that Narcissa had conjured three large sleeping bags and they were all circled around what looked like half of the merchandise from Honeydukes. Her mother was polishing off a bag of Fizzing Whizbees before her very eyes and Hermione decided it would be safer not to tell her they were chock-full of sugar (knowing her mother, she would probably have a heart attack). Narcissa was eating a Peppermint Toad while watching Crookshanks play with an old sock. An open trunk stood in the corner of the room, so Hermione assumed that it was Narcissa's and she had shrunken it to transport it there.

"Hermione!" Mrs. Malfoy said happily, in a tone that distinctly reminded her of one she had heard 49 days ago. "I'm glad you're finally here. Lucille and I thought that since this is sort of a girls-night-in, we should have a little party." Hermione sat down on her sleeping bag, keeping her eyes on Narcissa. Was this going to be The Rose Game fiasco all over again?

Mrs. Granger's eyes suddenly brightened. "Let's start off with a game! Everyone knows the best part of sleepover's are the games."

Narcissa clapped her hands. "I know! Why kick this off with any old game when we could do everyone's favorite activity…" she dropped her voice to almost a whisper. "…Sharing our, deepest, darkest secrets."

'Oh, scratch that last thought. This is going to be so much worse than anything Ginny could've managed.'

"I'll go first," volunteered Hermione's mother, before also beginning to whisper. Narcissa leaned forward and Hermione found herself being forced to as well. "Well, once, when I was three…I told my parents that I had brushed my teeth…when I didn't."

Both the women suddenly began to giggle, and it made the hair on the back of Hermione's neck stand up, especially upon hearing Narcissa's extremely high-pitched tittering; there ought to be a law against anyone with children giggling!

They calmed down within a few seconds. "Alright, my turn." Narcissa laughed. Hermione was forced to lean forward again in order to hear her. "Sometimes, when no one's looking…I pick my nose!"

At that moment, a BANG came from the corner of the room, covering up the shrill giggles of the mothers. Crookshanks had hit the side of the trunk in attempts to reach his precious sock, making the lid slam shut. Hermione made to go check on him, but her mother pulled her back down. "He's alright, Minty, you know Crookshanks is made of stronger stuff than that."

"And it's your turn!" Narcissa added, as though it were a treat and not some cruel, unusual punishment.

Hermione racked her brains for something to say. Did she even have a deep, dark secret? "Back in third year I had a Time-Turner which I used it to go to extra classes and save the life of Sirius Black and a hippogryph." She muttered finally, shrugging.

Nobody laughed. Her mother threw her a look that clearly read, "You're embarrassing yourself". She couldn't believe it. Here she was telling the most interesting story and she gets the cold shoulder. How fair was that?

"That was fun." Narcissa said lightly, throwing off her disappointment at Hermione's secret like a mask. "Let's do something else now. Why don't you decide this one Lucille?"

Her mother rubbed her chin for a moment, and then cracked an evil grin. She was looking directly at Hermione now, speaking slyly. "I've got something. We'll all take turns, but I'm sure Minty'll be glad to go first. We're all aware that you and Draco didn't exactly used to get along…" At these words, realization flickered across Narcissa's face and, she too, was now sporting a wicked grin. "So, why don't you tell us the story of how the two of you got together?"

Hermione felt the color drain out of her cheeks straight away. 'The story of how she and Draco got together'? One minor problem with that: they weren't together. She supposed she could always make it up…but what if she didn't have a chance to clue Malfoy in about it before he was questioned about the same subject? Or worse, what if she wasn't able to come up with anything at all? What if she just sat there with her mouth opened while Narcissa and her mother steadily grew more suspicious?

Great. Everything was perfectly ruined.

A/N: There. Done. Let me know if any of you survived reading through all that.

Until next time, where there shall be more confusion, laughter and cat hair:

Sacagawea