A/N: I don't even know where to begin….I feel a little bipolar right now, after having bounced my way through all of the random emotions in this chapter (how's that for a warning?) I like a happy story but one does need the little bits of drama to keep things interesting—the information here is important to the overall situation B & E are being made to face, but fortunately for those that don't like to read the overly emotional stuff, just know that I can't handle dwelling on sad details for very long…I enjoy the warm fuzzy side of things so much better ;)
Enjoy it if you can!
Chapter 21
Alice was startled by the happy sound of giggles mixing with the muffled grumbling of her brother's scratchy morning voice, after the phone had been ringing for what seemed like forever. What surprised her most was the fact that the voice that had actually greeted her was none other than Bella's—sounding far more chipper and awake than was her norm for this hour of the morning.
"Bella? What are you doing answering Edward's phone at this time of day?" she asked, a playful touch of accusation finding its way into her question.
She was having the most difficult time censoring her thoughts. Had it been anyone else she would have been letting the sexual references fly, but Bella wasn't like that and her brother certainly wasn't to the best of her knowledge. However, it was eight o'clock on a Sunday morning and Bella was never awake at this hour, nor was she happy about it if she had to be.
"The real question ought to be, what are you doing calling your brother's phone at this time of day?" Bella returned the question, a little giggle escaping at the end, making her attempt at a firm tone dissolve rather pitifully.
"Hi, Ally." Edward grunted, leaning his head closer to Bella's so that he could hear what was being said.
"Edward, gimme my blanket back." Bella whined, when his movement managed to uncover her feet.
His deep chuckles of amusement finally pushed Alice beyond her limit.
"What the hell, people?! I'm trying my best here, but comments like that are not helping the location of my brain right now." she protested.
All of a sudden she was made to rethink her entire understanding of this relationship. They both still sounded half asleep and Edward hadn't answered his own phone, which meant that Bella must have be with him when it rang and the both of them seemed to have been sleeping, or at the very least had only recently awakened. There were only so many possible scenarios that could account for such a happening and for some reason Alice couldn't get her filthy little imagination to focus on anything other than the most unlikely ones.
"Give me the phone, Baby." Edward's soft voice was heard over the line after no one had said anything for an extended moment.
"Good morning my beautiful and fabulous sister. To what do we owe the honor of this call at such an ungodly hour?" he playfully enquired.
"Bubby, did you and Bella sleep…together last night?" Her voice practically squeaked around her words, as she was unable to fathom the concept of an affirmative answer—but she had to know.
Cute, playful, innocent Edward and Bella were adorable and she loved watching them together, but she hadn't had enough time to work her mind around the concept of them moving beyond the beginning stages of this relationship. They'd both openly confessed their love for one another to her and she was so pleased by the changes she could see in them both, yet she wasn't ready for this part of it. She still worried about them—their individual needs and issues, and though she would play around and joke she really wanted this to work. She understood the serious nature of the obstacles they faced, leaving her concerns well grounded. Was a week long enough for them to really know? And was it long enough to determine that a lifetime spent guarding one's heart was no longer necessary?
"Sort of." Edward grinned, knowing how deviant his little sister's mind was at times.
The sharp intake of breath had Edward laughing outright and Bella was dying to know what was going on.
"Edward!" Alice scolded, knowing by his laughter that she wasn't getting the whole picture just yet.
"We stayed up after you and Jasper left looking at pictures and talking for a while, then we both fell asleep on the living room floor." He finally let her in on the innocent nature of their secret.
He rolled his eyes playfully for Bella's sake and had to listen to a three-minute tirade from Alice about how immature it was to joke around about such important things.
"So, tell me what we're really suppose to be talking about." Edward prompted after Alice had gotten her mini-meltdown out of the way for the morning.
"Jazz and I are going to Mom and Dad's for a late lunch today and thought if you and Bella weren't doing anything else maybe you'd want to join us."
"What exactly are you insinuating when you say-doing?" he couldn't help but tease.
"Are you guys gonna come or not?" she sighed.
"Hold on." He told her covering the phone with his other hand.
"Lunch and Mom and Dad's?" he asked Bella, smiling brightly when she nodded immediately.
"Yeah, what time?…Actually never mind, we'll just get there early and hangout until whenever." He told her, ideas popping into his head left and right.
He hadn't been able to give much undivided thought lately to what activities and outings he wanted to experience most with Bella, but being at his parent's house this afternoon would provide him with the perfect opportunity to explore more than one of his most desirable plans.
After saying goodbye to his sister Edward tossed his phone aside and looked over at Bella who was snuggled up with her blanket and a pillow from the couch watching him with lazy eyes.
"Good morning." He grinned, rolling to his side so that he was facing her fully.
"Hi." She said rather shyly.
He still didn't have his glasses on—the real reason she'd been the one to answer his phone for him in the first place, and god how she loved seeing the unobstructed twinkle in his eye this morning.
"So, lunch with Mom and Dad?" Bella asked tracing a path from his temple to his chin with a single finger.
He caught her hand and gently kissed her extended digit. Edward nodded biting into his lower lip as he thought for a moment. He wanted to ask her opinion about a lot of things, but mostly he wanted to know how she felt about possibly dating him in a traditional sense. They'd already talked a lot about different things they'd both like to do together, but he had yet to find the right way to really ask her. Talking and snuggling and kissing were wonderful, but he wanted this relationship to be all that it could be and more. He wanted Bella to have the benefits she'd experience were she to be with someone that didn't have limitations or issues such as his. He wanted things to be normal.
"Bella," he looked up and smiled shyly seeing that she was still watching him so intently, "there's this trail out by my parent's place; it's really quite beautiful and I've been wanting to explore it again while I was here, so I guess I was sort of wondering, if you feel up for it, maybe we could, I don't know, take a walk before lunch today?"
"Oh, that sounds wonderful." Bella promised, though she worried about the level of uncertainty she could see as he spoke.
"You know I'd go anywhere with you, right?" she added sincerely in a quiet, soothing voice.
She watched his expression carefully as she leaned in closer and she was thrilled to see how lost he'd become when it became obvious that her intention was to kiss him again.
They'd had a wonderful first experience the day before and after Alice and Jasper had left them last night, they'd settled into a nice, familiar routine—getting ready for bed, making a hot cup of tea and settling in for some time alone to talk. The fact that they'd taken such a step didn't seem to hinder their normal, comfortable feelings around one another at all.
When it got late however and Edward had noticed Bella's eyes getting heavy, he'd suggested she go on to sleep, but she wasn't ready to leave him. She'd been away from him for the past two days and whatever time she could spend with him reconnecting was far more important to her than the time she might use for sleeping. And she didn't care that they were talking about nothing more important than her parents or her childhood and his time spent in Alaska with his aunt; she just wanted to be with him—to hear his voice and see his smile and feel his hand lightly caressing hers as they laid stretched out on the floor next to one another.
The compromise to her stubborn refusal of bedtime had been an impromptu slumber party, the both of them gathering up every pillow they could find, along with the comforter from her bed downstairs and her trusty blanket that Edward had already claimed earlier in the evening. This solution kept him from having to spend another night in Alice's room, after being made to realize what exactly went on in that space on a rather frequent basis this afternoon and it also allowed Bella to be with him longer. They were in neutral territory so to speak, which made the concept of spending the night together a bit more comfortable for them both. As they'd settled in for the night however, she finally realized her true motivation for suggesting such sleeping arrangements.
"You have the most wonderful scent." He'd whispered, the tip of his nose tracing the curve of her neck. Bella had been unable to speak as he'd continued to praise her attributes.
Speaking of her hair and her skin, of her tiny little hand and the fullness of her lips. She wanted to tell him how breathtakingly handsome he was and how lucky she felt that he would notice one such as her, but she'd been too distracted by his affections.
"May I kiss you again, Baby?" he'd requested softly, while gently removing her glasses.
She nodded mutely and closed her eyes.
Heaven—it was pure heaven, the feel of his lips moving so carefully against her own. He was so cautious and in control, making Bella feel safe and loved. He genuinely seemed to understand what she needed from him—that he would need to move slowly and always remember her fears and inexperience.
When he pulled away and lightly trailed the back of his fingers along the side of her face, admiring the dark pink hue now coloring her skin, Bella once again looked up at him and smiled.
"You are so good to me." She marveled.
His eyes burned with a passion that she had never known and they held the truth, which was so obvious though he couldn't bring himself to say the words just yet. Instead he'd just lightly kissed her once more, whispering a good night before tucking her blanket securely around her. She wouldn't have missed that experience for the world.
The next day his phone vibrating nearby had disturbed their good mornings. Bella had been the one to locate the source of the noise and handed the phone to Edward when she'd noticed that it was his. Yet, without his glasses available, he'd had to laugh and ask her what he was supposed to do with it.
Bella had taken pity on him and answered the phone discovering that it was Alice, since she was able see well enough without her glasses to decipher at least that much. Little did either of them know just how awkward the conversation would become once Alice had gone off wondering and worrying over the possible implications.
His muffled groan of pleasure sent a pulsing chill throughout her entire being. It was a deep and feral sounding response this early in the morning and it was more than enough to say that he appreciated her attention.
"I never thought it could be so wonderful." She whispered, resting her forehead against his shoulder, taking a deep breath to revive her senses a moment later.
"Me neither." Edward agreed, his hand gently stroking her back, trying to catch his breath as well.
"Bella?" he asked after a moment, "Was I wondering…you've never…have you?"
He felt her head moving against him, though she didn't say anything right away. He tucked her into his side and held her tightly, feeling mixed emotions begin to roll off of her in waves.
"I've never been willing to count anything that he did to me." She told him eventually. "I've never really wanted to be around a man or do such things with anyone—until I met you." Her words were soft and her voice was strained but Edward got her meaning and then some.
"He didn't umm…?" Edward literally choked on the words, unable to ask what he really wanted to know.
He wasn't sure if she was ready to speak so openly about her experience just yet, but the newest developments between them seemed to demand that he understand everything that he could so that he might insure her piece of mind. There was that and the fact that each time he would think of another man—any man, handling Bella in such an unacceptable way, his blood would start to boil.
Bella shook her head and blinked her eyes several times. "He didn't have a chance…to do...much." She said softly.
She laid her head against Edward's chest and hugged him to her desperately. Not knowing what else to do Edward continued to hold her, feeling every emotion all over again—everything from the fear and hatred, right down to his morbid, lustful need for vengeance.
Edward eventually sat up and pulled Bella into his lap. He kissed her forehead and tucked her blanket around them both.
"He can't hurt you anymore, Baby. I'm here and I'll never let anything bad happen to you again." He fervently promised, his strong arms clutching her body to him, as if their proximity alone could make her feel safe.
Bella sniffled a bit and rubbed at her eyes. She knew that it was time, but she wanted to be in a bit better frame of mind before they went there just yet.
"Let's have a light breakfast and then head on over to your parent's place." She suggested. "There's a lot that we should talk about and maybe a little fresh air and exercise will help make this easier."
"Anything you want." Edward confirmed.
She kissed his cheek and let her hand linger a moment against his face, enjoying the pleasant discovery that his beard had begun to soften with its continued growth.
"Will you shave today?" she wondered, knowing what he'd said about his mother's aversion to his scruffy facial hair.
He smiled timidly, knowing that she seemed to prefer him this way. He figured that his mother would be pleased to see him regardless of his appearance, considering his obvious level of happiness when he was with Bella.
"I'll leave it for now, but I have to tell you that I can't handle letting it go for more than a week or so. It gets sort of uncomfortable after a while."
"You don't have to suffer for my sake, so please don't feel bad if you want to. I just don't know what it is…" she let her words trail off, unable to really come up with a good way to describe her attraction to his current appearance.
She didn't understand the hormonal trigger that various visual indications of a man's testosterone level, such as facial hair, could be for a woman. The fact that a man could grow a beard and would subsequently need to shave, indicated on some level his potential sexual prowess, much like the development of muscle mass and excessive body hair, which many woman also found attractive. A woman had no need to understand the science behind it, but once some type of attraction was established the discovery of these indicators would only increase her desire.
"That sort of sounds like an apology." He teased rubbing his face gently into her hand, still resting against his cheek.
"Just a really poor excuse of an explanation." She smiled seeing him grin at the pleasurable feelings her touch seemed to create for him.
"Come on," Edward encouraged, tossing her blanket aside, indicating that they should go ahead and get up from their position on the floor. "You go and get ready; I'll clean up our mess here and start the coffee."
She didn't have to be told twice, the promise of coffee motivating her to go ahead and move.
Bella took her time picking out her clothes and freshening up. Much like the previous trip over to Carlisle and Esme's Bella was feeling a bit anxious, though it had little to do with her growing fascination with Edward this time. Instead she was thinking about the conversation they should be having today. She wanted to come clean and be honest about what all had happened between she and James, and what the experience had really done to her psychologically.
Talking with Edward was easy and the first step to moving on with their relationship, though mildly nerve wracking, had gone rather smoothly the day prior. Even his unexpected kiss had been wonderfully comfortable, all be it a little awkward in the beginning—neither one exactly sure how far or fast they were willing to go, having to be so cautious to not overstep any unknown boundaries.
Now Bella was ready to go step further. If she could explain to Edward what it was she feared the most then perhaps it would be even easier to continue along this path, knowledge and understanding on their side for once. The biggest hurdle was going to be finding the strength to be completely honest.
Bella had been made to relive this story a handful of times and she'd volunteered the facts of her own accord on occasion, but she'd always censored bits and pieces that she found too difficult or embarrassing to recall. The only people that really knew the truth were she and Dr. Montgomery. The version she'd given Alice had been the most truthful up to this point but it was still lacking certain details, which she was still forced to endure in her own mind.
As she laced up her favorite pair of hiking shoes Bella took a deep breath and promised herself that she would hide nothing from Edward. Dr, Montgomery had spent the better part of six months carefully prying small bits of information out of her until she'd been able to piece together the entire encounter, but she wouldn't force Edward to wait and wonder.
"Is this okay?" Edward asked, indicating the array of yogurt and leftover pastries that Alice and Jasper had brought over the day before.
Bella smiled seeing a cup of coffee already prepared just the way she liked it, sitting at her place on the table.
"Looks perfect." She agreed choosing one of the bagels and a small cup of blueberry-flavored yogurt for herself, while noticing that Edward was already dress and remained beautifully unshaven.
He wore a pair of snug fitting jeans, his boots and the black t-shirt he'd slept in the night before, while one of his flannel shirts sat at the ready, draped over the back of his chair.
"Is it cold out today?" she asked conversationally, wondering if her thin knit top and hoodie would be enough.
"Nope, it's still pretty damp after last night's rain, but it's a really nice looking day otherwise." He shared while sipping on his coffee. "Of course I left temperatures that were averaging about fifteen degrees cooler than it is here, just last week."
He occasionally looked up from his plate, careful not to be caught staring as he watched Bella eat, silence beginning to dominate their meal as usual.
It was a nice balance for him. He still got to enjoy a fair amount of the peaceful quiet he preferred, but at the same time he felt just as comfortable talking and laughing with her when the mood would strike. And as always she seemed pleased to accommodate whatever his needs would require.
Her hair was pulled up into a ponytail today and he kept getting distracted by the sight of her neck, coupled with the open collar of her cotton top. Tasty as the coffee and danish were he knew that his mouth was watering for a whole other purpose. He wanted to devour her soft luscious skin, licking and nibbling his way from her clavicle to the delicate curve of her ear and back down again, daring to go even further, exploring parts of her body that he'd begun to dream incessantly about. In his mind he was uninhibited by his shyness and she was eager and willing to beg for more.
"Are you ready?" Bella asked pulling him from his musings.
He blushed hotly, his eyes determinedly focusing on his hands, which were fisted against either leg. He felt like he'd been caught right in the middle of his inappropriate fantasy and he was embarrassed to know that she might be able to see the intensity of his uncontrollable desire. He could promise her all he liked and he could torture himself with restraint, but it didn't change the fact that he wanted her in a way he could not allow just yet.
"Sweetheart?" Bella worried seeing his somewhat panicked reaction.
Edward cleared his throat and discreetly adjusted himself, thankful for the table being between them so that his current state might not be as obvious.
"Just another one of those moments I managed to forget that I wasn't all by myself again." He struggled to tell her.
After realizing how prone he still was to letting his mind take him away from the present, he'd confessed the frequency of his habits during the long chat they'd had over the phone the other night. Knowing that Bella would understand his explanation should he ever find himself in such a position with her made him feel better, but it didn't make the uncomfortable nature of his daydreams any easier to ignore.
"I'll just give you a few minutes to come back from fantasyland and go find my jacket in that case." She offered without batting an eye. "Unless you want a hand cleaning this up?"
He glanced at the minimal mess their breakfast had created and shook his head; all he had to do was put their plates in the sink and toss the containers back into the pantry or place the empty ones in the trash.
"No, you go ahead, I'll get this." He encouraged.
Once he found himself alone he took a deep breath and let his hand settle more firmly against his waning hard on. He stood up carefully and made sure nothing seemed too obvious before going about his business, straightening the kitchen. Once he'd finished he took a little detour to the guest powder room just around the corner.
Edward set his glasses aside and splashed a bit of cold water onto his face before combing his fingers through his hair. He looked at his slightly blurred reflection and sighed.
Bella was going to want to tell him about that fucking bastard, James and he was going to have to control his outrage and show her the intense level of his love and support; but right now he felt no different than that mangy prick.
What did those stupid commercials say about contacting a doctor if an erection lasted more than four hours? Edward had often wondered how in the hell such a thing was possible, but now he wanted to know what sort of long-term damage could come from one that seemed to be perpetually recurring, with no relief in sight.
"Get it under control, Cullen." He growled softly to himself, taking heavy, measured breaths.
He unzipped his fly and reached into his boxer briefs, moving the remnants of his arousal to a more comfortable position. It felt sensitive and irritated under even the most innocent touch and his body jerked slightly in response, wanting him to be more gentle if not more thorough. He wondered for a moment how quickly he might be able to get himself off, but he immediately dismissed the idea; not wanting to make his moment of weakness into something even worse. He'd deal with the discomfort as long as he had to if it meant he was a better man than some slimy son of a bitch that would ever dare to hurt his Bella.
Zipping back up and grabbing his glasses from the side of the sink, Edward determinedly exited the bathroom to go find her.
She was waiting patiently in the living room, but his anxiety was at a peak. He didn't know what to say or how to act suddenly, seeing her there so seemingly unaware of his internal struggle.
"Ready?" she asked in such a cheery voice—but that was before she got a good look at his expression.
"Tell me, Sweetheart." She implored after approaching him, placing a comforting hand over top of his, which were both busy twisting the life out of his flannel shirt that he'd retrieved from the kitchen on his way to find her.
He groaned a bit, mentally apologizing for what he was about to say.
"I want to be honest with you, but I'm afraid that what I should tell you might make you uncomfortable." He cringed looking down, unable to keep eye contact.
"I'm not scared of you, Edward." She insisted.
He scratched at the side of his face and pulled a bit at the longer hair of his sideburn, his mouth busy trying to practice the words.
"Talk to me." She urged softly.
"Will you forgive me if I say that you are so beautiful that I can't…I find it hard to control my thoughts at times?" His eyebrows were lifted beseechingly above his sad, pitiful looking eyes.
"Take me to your parents house and let's go on that little walk together." She responded simply.
It was now or never; she didn't want him to be second-guessing himself anymore. And the only way she knew how to reassure him was by telling him the truth, thereby erasing his worries. She knew that whatever he was truly talking about in terms of control, he would never be someone she'd fear in the same way she'd feared James, but she knew now that he didn't. The unknown was disturbing him more than the truth ever could.
Edward's hands were shaking slightly as he reached around her to open the door.
"Would you like for me to drive?" Bella offered easily, placing her hand atop his once more.
He just shook his head and led her over to the Volvo, opening the passenger door so that she could climb in.
They didn't speak again until they'd arrived at the turn off to his parent's, where Edward informed her that a separate entrance to the trail he had in mind was up ahead on the right, if she wanted to go ahead and take that walk with him now instead of later. Bella nodded and sat quietly watching him pull off to the side of the road and carefully drive his car maybe twenty feet up into the wood line so that it was no longer visible from the highway.
Under the shade of the pine trees surrounding them and with the dampness remaining from yesterday's rain it felt much cooler when Edward took hold of Bella's hand to assist her from the car. She pulled her jacket on and followed behind Edward as he made his way to a relatively wide path hidden amongst the patchy clumps of underbrush. His hands were now shoved into his pockets as usual and he was slumped slightly as he walked, leaving Bella to follow along on her own.
"I use to come out here and walk for hours when I was a boy. I was too young to go anyplace else by myself, but Mom and Dad respected my need to be alone from time to time and they didn't worry that I'd get into too much trouble as long as I stayed on the property." Edward explained after a few minutes.
"It's quite beautiful out here—peaceful." She agreed.
The walking and the silence seemed to have calmed him finally so she was ready to attempt her story if he felt comfortable hearing it.
"May I have your hand, Sweetheart?" she asked after another moment to consider her options.
Edward's eyes were smiling again as he slowed his pace and offered his hand.
"I'm too clumsy to talk and walk at the same time, especially with rocks and tree roots to contend with." She chuckled.
Now strolling along hand in hand, taking in the lush beauty of their surroundings Bella started to ease into what should to be said. She started at the very beginning, explaining the need to move in with her father and the awkward adjustments she'd had to endure in her new school. She mentioned how unprepared she'd been for that level of attention and how difficult it was to accept the type of undeserved ridicule she'd received from many of the girls that she'd just met.
When she finally got to a point where she had to speak of James and his unwanted presence, Edward had stopped walking and placed his arms around her. He hadn't said a word up to this point—just listening and absorbing information, letting Bella chose how much and what exactly she was willing to tell him.
Bella knew that Alice had already given him some version of what had happened, but knowing that even she didn't understand fully what had really taken place and as a result what sort of damage had been done to her confidence, she knew that Edward was still going to find what she had to say rather hard to hear.
He kissed her forehead gently and looked directly into her eyes for the first time since this morning. Taking her hands, Edward slowly turned her to face the tranquility of their destination—his meadow.
She was speechless as her eyes took in the sight before her. Tall, waving grass dotted with colorful wildflowers covered the vast clearing they'd come upon. There were three massive boulders off to the left while over to the right there was a babbling mountain stream near the edge of the clearing. And off in the distance she could see a panoramic view of the impressive mountain-scape to the north.
"Tell me more, Baby." He encouraged leading her off to the left, towards the odd collection of rocks. He climbed up on top of the lowest one and invited Bella to join him. Once they'd settled Bella retraced her thought process up to this point and attempted to start again. She'd been happy to walk and ramble through the preliminary information that led up to this part in her story. She felt like she was cruising along on autopilot, just letting the words flow, not really thinking about them or what they really meant. Now sitting next to Edward in such gorgeous surroundings, she felt bad for ruining this moment together with such terrible memories.
It would seem that Edward was very aware of her sudden hesitation, when he took hold of her hand again and let his thumb rub over the back of her fingers.
"This is the one place I know of where I feel the safest and I wanted to share it with you. Nothing can hurt us here, nothing bad can happen and there's nothing to be afraid of." he promised her. He smiled gently and nodded his head to indicate that he understood how difficult this was.
"It had been a few weeks since I'd seen him around and he somehow managed to corner me in the library during lunch. I was usually the only one in there during that time of day, so when I came upon him I was rather startled." She said softly, trying to regain her courage as she began to speak once again.
"He said some pretty awful things and he…he pressed me up against one of the bookshelves…" Edward calmly rubbed his hand against her back in a soothing motion, letting her know that he was there for her. "Edward, he uhh…" she swallowed thickly and hid her face against his shoulder, "he rubbed his erection up against me and told me that it was all my fault." She was tracing the collar of his t-shirt with her free hand to distract her self as she continued to press on. "Mrs. Granger was making her way around, reshelving books so when he heard her coming our way he took off. I was so shaken and disgusted, but I was too embarrassed to say anything about it. I didn't even know at the time that the crazy look in his eyes should have given away the fact that he was high, but later it did account for why he'd finally crossed the line as far as his forwardness with me."
Edward had stopped his comforting movements, in favor of restraining his potentially violent response to this information. His hand was now fisted and grinding itself into the rock beneath them.
"I only had two classes after lunch so I managed the rest of my day, knowing that there wouldn't be any other opportunity where I'd be alone or perhaps run into him again. When I got home I locked the door and went to my room. I was just planning to stay in and read, since it's always tended to calm my nerves, until Charlie made it home that evening. I was trying to figure out how I might tell my dad about what had happened and see if there was any way to permanently avoid such a problem in the future, but it felt pretty hopeless. If I made a fuss about James and he didn't get kicked out school, then he'd likely make my life even more miserable; even if he did get in trouble, Forks is too small a town to avoid someone entirely—there'd always be a risk of running into him and having to deal with the consequences on the outside." Bella rubbed at her forehead slightly trying to relieve a bit of tension and Edward resumed his earlier backrub, wanting to help in whatever way he could. His hand was aching now from the self-inflicted abuse he'd submitted to, but he didn't care.
"I'd only been home for a few minutes when there was a knock at the back door. I have no idea why I didn't think to check who it was before I unlocked it, but it wasn't uncommon for one of Charlie's deputies to swing by on their patrol and bring me a snack in the afternoon and Jacob, the son of my dad's best friend, had asked just a day or so before about maybe getting me to help him with an English paper he had coming up. I was relieved to think that I might have someone else there with me, so that I wouldn't be by myself, and I'd naively assumed that the person dropping by could help ease my anxiety." She looked up and saw that Edward's expression was carefully guarded and she could tell that he was trying to keep his emotions under control. It hurt to know that telling him this was so necessary and yet so painful for the both of them.
"It was James, of course." She told him looking out across the meadow now; she wasn't seeing its beauty nor the tranquility it offered, instead she could only see his disgusting lust filled eyes.
"I tried to close the door, but he was faster than I was, kicking it back open. He threw himself at me as I turned to run away. Clumsy as I am, I tripped almost immediately and fell near the kitchen table." She rubbed her hands back and forth over her denim-covered knees remembering the sharp pains shooting through her legs as she'd hit the floor. Edward had easily let go of her hand when she seemed to become restless next to him, but he was concerned when she wrapped her arms around her legs in a classically defensive posture just after.
"I tried to fight him off, but he was so much stronger." She all but whispered now the words becoming harder and harder to say.
"It all happened so fast…his hands were everywhere, grabbing and pulling…I do remember the pain from…from his teeth biting into my left breast…and…" her entire body shuddered at the memory, a choked sob managing to escape before she could stop it from surfacing.
Edward's arms came around her once again, slowly—carefully, and she could feel how badly he was trembling despite his efforts to control it. He rocked her gently trying to make her feel safe and loved, but he couldn't force himself to speak for fear of crying out or swearing at the top of his lungs—anything to make the gnawing pain in his gut go away.
"He touched me, Edward, in places that I would have never allowed him…his fingers…they very nearly penetrated me before Charlie came in and was able pull him off." His arms tightened around her and his breathing quickened, the strained sound of her voice, the vulnerability and sadness he could hear, made his heart crumble. They held onto one another for a long while, both needing time to process what had been said.
He cleared his throat eventually and attempted to steady himself.
"I know that this is extremely difficult for you," his voice breaking slightly, causing him to pause before trying again, "but, I want to thank you for trusting me with the truth." He cleared his throat again and rubbed his eyes underneath his glasses, leaving them slightly skewed. "It really means a lot, that you would be willing to tell me something so personal."
Bella reached out and straightened his glasses for him, a little smile trying to fight its way forward despite the tears trailing down her cheeks.
"It hurts," he went on to say, every ounce of the pain he felt evident in his voice, "to know that I wasn't there to keep him from doing such awful, unforgivable things to you. But I want you to know that I'm here now, and I'm going to do whatever I can to protect you." Bella reached for his hand and tenderly caressed his knuckles cringing at the red irritated marks now marring his skin.
"I know you will," she agreed, kissing his scuffed fingers. "And it means so much, that you are willing to hear me out and that you would still want to be here with me, knowing how messed up I am because of all this. I don't trust people easily and I have trouble trusting myself as well."
"I can't be away from you anymore, Bella." He told her. "I don't want to push or make you uncomfortable by saying the wrong thing here but..." He paused and looked out over the landscape in front of them.
She waited patiently for him to continue but he seemed to almost forget that he'd ever spoken in the first place.
"I understand what you mean, Sweetheart, but what are you really saying?" she wondered, detecting something very important that was being left unsaid.
"There is nothing in Colorado that obligates me to stay there. I would have already gone back had I not met you, but now…I don't think I ever want to." He looked upon her with hopeful eyes once again, though they were now reddened by his tears.
"I think that it might be a little presumptuous, not to mention soon, to ask if I might move in permanently, but would it bother you if I were to ask Mom about finding me a place nearby?" he looked so shy and uncertain and Bella loved that about him. As if she could ever say no to such an idea and yet he would naturally assume that she might.
"I would love to know that you weren't going anywhere for a while." Bella nodded eagerly.
"Baby, I know that figuring everything out between us will take time, but I'm not scared of trying because I want to be here for you. I'd umm...really like it if we could maybe…" he was struggling once again with the words and he hated himself for it.
She'd just confessed the details of one of the most traumatic events that any young woman could suffer through and here he was worrying over a simple request, one he was sure that she would be agreeable to.
"Bella, I was wondering if you'd like to go out with me—like on a date." He said it all in a rush, his hands immediately looking for something to fiddle with. As it was he was already holding on to hers so he had to settle for gripping and releasing her fingers as he waited for a response.
"Like a real date, as in going out someplace?" she teased him lightly, her heart fluttering back to life.
"I'd like to consider you my girlfriend, Bella. So, it would be an appropriate thing to do; don't you think?" he confessed, his face changing colors faster than she could recognize them all.
"And you're considering moving back to Port Angeles to make this happen?" she also wanted to know.
He nodded his head, a bashful grin making its way through his previously solemn expression.
"I think I'd like that, as long as we can come back to your meadow and talk some more from time to time?" she decided.
"It's our meadow now, Baby." He assured her.