A/N: S.E. Hinton owns The Outsiders. Jack Johnson owns "Flake."

I know she knows it's not right, there ain't no use in lying
Maybe she thinks I know something, maybe, maybe she thinks it's fine
Maybe she knows something I don't
I'm so, I'm so tired, I'm so tired of trying

Ellie slowly walked into the cafeteria and scanned the tables. Wade and Pony were sitting at their usual table, and she wasn't sure she wanted to join. It was her first day back to school since she heard that Dally was out, and Pony had done his best at avoiding her all morning. Wade hadn't met her at her locker like he usually did every morning, but she chalked that up to the fact that he didn't know she would even be there.

She was actually surprised herself that she managed to climb out of bed on time that morning. All night long, just like the previous nights, she dreamed of cars pulling up outside of her house and Dally tapping on her window. They were so vivid, and she wanted it to happen so badly. She kept waking up and looking outside, only to find nothing on the other side, just like always. School seemed like a good alternative to sitting on her bed and staring out the window all day long.

Pulling out the chair next to Wade, Ellie put her books down and began to open her bagged lunch. She jumped a little when the chair beside her scraped the floor, and she looked up to find Wade picking up his lunch tray and walking away from the table. Not a word was said, and as far she could tell, he didn't even look at her.

"What's he doing?" she asked, watching as he walked to another table and sat down there.

"Are you serious?"

She looked back at Pony. Those were the first words he had spoken to her in a while. She knew they were both angry at her, but it had to say something that she was back at school. She was trying. She didn't understand why they couldn't do the same.

"Neither of you have even given me a chance," she started to say, but Pony stood up too.

"A chance to what? Apologize? Go ahead. I'll give you a chance."

"Apologize for what? I haven't done anything to you. I haven't even done anything to Wade."

He just shook his head and picked up his food, too. "You're so clueless, Ellie, and selfish."

She watched him go over to the trashcan and throw out his food before he walked out of the cafeteria. She sat alone for the rest of the lunch period without even touching her food.

XXX

Dust plumed around him, and Dally kicked at it harder just to drive up a larger cloud. Anything just to make a scene, a sound, anything. He was honestly glad to not be in Tulsa, but he was not content with being Lane's whipping boy. Who cared if the man used a cane? Who the hell had been helping him before Dally got there? The old timer had managed fine until then.

But when he walked into the horse barn, he calmed down a little. Just the familiar smell calmed him down and brought him to a better place. There were two horses, one old stallion and a mare. Dally made clicking sounds with his tongue, and the mare walked to the edge of the stall as Dally fed her a carrot and petted her soft pink nose. When they were younger, he and his cousin Harlan always raced when Dally visited. Harlan had his own horse, but Dally always beat him.

"Hey, girl," he said quietly. She nuzzled his hand, and he dug a second carrot of his pocket and fed it to her.

Lane had been keeping Dally busy those first few days with tons of little chores and trips into town to get stuff. There hadn't been time enough for Dally to ride, only to feed and let the horses out. He was dying to get into the saddle again.

He walked away from the stall and fed the stallion a couple of carrots and headed toward the tack room. In the dim light, he eyed a western saddle, inspected it and carried it out into the barn. He went back for stirrups, a halter and bit, and carried it all to the mare's stall.

XXX

He started out slow. Just a cautious trot around the pasture until he got his bearings back. He felt her strength beneath him, and he listened to the sound of her hooves on the earth and the way she snorted every so often. The pasture was green and overgrown and ruled by horseflies.

"Come on," he said, digging his boots at her sides. "Let's go."

It didn't take long until he was pushing her faster and faster, stretching her legs and his. He pushed her into a steady gallop around and around, back and forth. The reigns were loose in his hands, and he leaned forward and let everything fall away. The crisp air bit at his cheeks, blew right through him, but he didn't care. For the first time in a long time, he didn't think about anything else except for what was right in front of him.

He ran her until he knew he had to stop, and he slowed her down, speaking in soft tones as he walked her around the pasture to cool off.

Dally dismounted and led the mare toward the fence where filled a bucket from the spigot. She drank and Dally worked on getting off the saddle.

"I forgot how much you and Harlan always liked to race."

Dally looked up and noticed Lane sitting on the bumper of his old truck. It annoyed him that the old man was so damn quiet and sneaky, too, it appeared.

"Yeah."

"I remember you and Harlan in all those races around here. You always whipped him. Even a city boy like you," Lane said. Dally tried to focus on the horse. "And then your daddy sent you off to New York. I never did get that."

"What's to get? He couldn't stand me so he sent me to my mom. She hates me, too and sent me back."

Lane's old face softened, and he shook his head.

"They don't hate you, son. They're just poor folk that don't know how to do any better. Harlan's in prison 'cause I couldn't do no better for him."

Dally wanted to tell Lane that Harlan was in jail because he was a dumb fuck, but he kept it to himself. He kept all of the rest of his thoughts to himself, too. One of the last things he wanted to talk about were his parents, especially his dad.

"Does he know you're here?"

"Good ol' Charlie don't know fucking shit about me."

Lane just looked at him, and Dally didn't know what to do. He didn't know how to deal with adults that actually seemed to pay attention to him.

"What do you want from me?" Dally asked.

"I don't want a thing from you, boy. Just want to see you get back on your feet again."

There had to be a catch. Lane stood up and walked toward the fence. He leaned on it as he studied the mare.

"I didn't do right by Harlan. Lord knows I was too hard on the boy, and I drove him away. I ain't your father, Dallas, but I can be something of the sort if you want me to be. Even if you don't, I'm going to do what I can to help you if you accept it." He paused, as if waiting on Dally to thank him or something. "It's the least I can do for family."

Dally stared at him and then at the horse. He didn't know what to make of everything Lane just said because no one had ever offered him anything like that. Nothing like that had happened before.

Lane patted Dally's shoulder and started to hobble away. Dally was about to call out to him, but he stopped himself. It wasn't that he wasn't thankful, he just didn't want to admit to it.

Instead of calling out his gratitude, he just said, "What's her name?"

Pivoting on his cane, Lane turned around. "That's the First Lady."

"What?"

"She's named after one of the first ladies, anyway. That's Eleanor."

"You've got to be fucking kidding me," Dally muttered, patting the horse's neck as Lane headed back to the house. "Eleanor. Jesus Christ."

XXX

Angry did not quite hit the nail on the head. No, Ellie was pissed off. All around her everyone seemed to have an opinion on her life, and they were pretty casual about sharing it with each other. What burned her the most wasn't that they had their opinions; it was that no one seemed to care a thing in the world about how she felt. They just judged her and then had the nerve to get angry about it.

She found Ponyboy pretty easily after school. He was home, sitting at the kitchen table doing homework. Once again, he pointedly ignored her. He focused on his homework, cool as a cat, writing in a notebook like she wasn't even there.

"You have got to be kidding me."

She got nothing from him. Not even a flinch, not even a pause of his pencil. Inside, she had reached a boiling point, leaning across the table, she swept the textbook and notebook to the floor. He sighed heavily and watched as his pencil rolled until it hit the baseboard under the sink. Then he looked at her.

"You can't ignore me," she told him.

"But you can ignore everyone else when it suits you?"

She really didn't mean to push everyone else to the side, it was just Dally that did that to her. It was something did not mean to do, she just couldn't help it. And it didn't help anything when they all tried to tell her what was best for her.

"You don't get it. I've told you that time and again."

"Get what? That you're crazy because you have seriously been waiting around for some stupid jerk like Dallas?"

"I know it's dumb, okay? I know that I'm wasting my time and my energy on him because everyone is so damn quick to tell me that's what I'm doing. But you know what? That's my choice. Just because you don't like him is no reason for the rest of us to just forget he ever existed."

Pony stood up, pointed a finger at her and said coldly, "I don't not like him, I hate him."

For a second, he sounded just like Dally.

"He got Johnny killed."

"You don't believe that."

"Oh, I don't?"

"You can't because that doesn't make any sense. Dally loved Johnny."

"No, Dally only loves himself."

"You call me selfish? You should listen to yourself. You get like this, and it's all about you all the time. No one else can ever be right because your opinion matters most."

When he laughed at her, it was as dry and rough as sandpaper.

"And you're any different? You never told Wade about Dally. That was an outright lie to a guy that's treated you far better than you deserve."

There was nothing like a person who was supposed to be your best friend thinking you deserved nothing. Ellie swallowed her surprise with her hurt and tried to dish out some of her own.

"Dally was never any of his business. He's my business and besides, you told him Dally was nobody. What was I ever going to tell him?"

"I don't care what you might have told him. Maybe you just should have told him not to get too attached to you or anything."

"Aren't you supposed to be his friend? You could have done that, warned him for me," she spat. "How would you even know how I feel? You've never cared about anybody but yourself in your entire life."

"What are you talking about?"

"You never cared about Cathy the way I cared about Dally or Wade."

"And you've never cared about Wade the way you cared about Dally, so I don't think you're one to talk about anyone else. You were the one that told me you didn't even like Cathy."

"That certainly wasn't the reason the two of you broke up."

He picked up his books and set them back on the table, opening back to where he was working. He sat there and acted like she wasn't even there again.

For a minute, she let him work in peace before she started in again. "Johnny loved Dally. He was his hero. You wrote that in your theme, remember? How could anything Johnny cared so much about be so bad?"

The front door opened and closed. Someone was whistling. Pony kept working on his school work while Ellie stood there like a fool. When Soda walked into the kitchen, he stopped mid-step, his whistle ending as he looked at her and then at Pony. His eyebrows went up with a silent question. She ignored him.

"You're supposed to be my friend, Pony. You were my friend long before you were Wade's friend."

"That doesn't mean anything," he said, not looking up.

Soda looked like he was about to open his mouth, and she put her hand up to stop him.

"It does when we've been through so much. I'm not going to lose you over Dally, but I'm not giving up on Dally either."

Pony looked up at her again, but he said nothing. She shifted her weight under his uncomfortable stare.

"He needs someone, and there's no one here. I never said I was looking to get back with him. I want to make sure he's okay," she said. "How would you feel if you came back after two years and you had nothing?"

"The problem with him is that he asked for nothing. He got himself shot, he went to jail, he ignored everyone. Now he's gone because that's what he wanted. He doesn't want anyone, Ellie. Clearly not even you."

That hit her like a rock. Slowly she sat down in the chair in front of her, resting her hands on the table. Dally wanted nothing and now everyone considered him as nothing. And it appeared that was the same way he felt about her.

Soda pulled out a third chair and sat down between them.

"Guys, this is pointless."

She wanted to tell him to butt out, but somehow the tone in his voice calmed her down. She felt his hand on her wrist and studied him as he put his other hand on Pony's arm.

"Nothing is ever good when any of us is fighting, and for some reason when it's you two, it's the worst."

Soda, ever the peacemaker, looked determined to settle this.

Pony, on the other hand, seemed to care less. "Get over him."

With that he scooted out his chair and walked to his room, slamming the door behind him. She and Soda sat in silence for a minute.

"Sorry."

"For what? It's not your fault," she said, sliding her arm out from under his and crossing them on the table top.

"I feel like it is 'cause of what I pulled you into when I went and saw Sandy."

Soda's eyes were remorseful, and she felt bad that he was putting any blame on himself.

"I'm the problem," she said. "Or maybe Dally is."

He gave her a half smile. "I think it's his problem, and everyone else's. It's none of their business, you know?"

The best part about Soda was that he knew exactly what she felt.

"I'll talk to him again," she said.

"Now?"

"Well, I'll try and talk to him."

"That's probably as close as you'll come. He's worse than Darry with how stubborn he's become."

"Sounds an awful lot like Dally if you ask me."

Soda laughed a little and said quietly, "I wouldn't tell him that if I were you."

Cautiously, she knocked on his bedroom door. She tried the knob and found it was locked. She knocked again and was met with silence. Pressing her ear against the door, she listened for him and gathered her thoughts.

"I'm not trying to get back with him, I just want to know that he's okay," she said through the door. "I think I owe him that much."

Without so much as a peep from the other side, she pulled her ear away from the door and gave Soda a look from where he was watching down the hallway. He shook his head. He looked annoyed with Pony.

"I'm just worried about Dally," she said, practically begging someone to believe her.

"Why are you so worried about him?" Soda asked.

With a deep breath she thought about Tim and the warning he gave her about Dally. It made her shake a little as she released her breath.

"Tim said he was different. He told me he thought Dally might end up trying what he did before he was arrested. Get shot up again, you know?"

"When did you talk to Tim?" he asked.

She froze. She realized too late that she wasn't honest with most of her friends after she had gone to the prison. She swallowed hard, knowing there wasn't a way out of this. "When I went to see Dally, I chickened out. I asked to see Tim instead."

Soda raised his eyebrows a little, and she knew exactly what he was thinking. It involved Steve's big mouth and a crowbar she took to Tim's car.

"Thought you didn't want anyone to know that for some reason," Pony said.

She turned around to find him leaning in the doorway, watching her closely. Soda cleared his throat and she looked at him.

"You said that Dally wouldn't see you," he said. "Did you even try to?"

"I couldn't bring myself to. I think I knew he wouldn't agree to see me."

Behind her she could feel Pony's eyes on her and she looked at Soda, silently begging him to keep everything he knew about Tim to himself. He seemed to understand, but he looked uneasy about it.

She started for the door but turned around before she walked outside. "This doesn't mean I'm breaking up with Wade, Pony. I know I screwed up, and I'll talk to him."

"I hope you mean that. Wade is crazy for you, and I can't figure out why," he said. "But he's really upset, you know?"

Once again, he proved her point. Wade was hurt, but what about her feelings? She decided not to bring it up because it seemed that for the moment, her friendship with Pony hinged on how she treated Wade. One glance at Soda, and she thought that maybe he had reached the same conclusion.

"I'm going to find him now," she said. She had to before she lost the nerve. Deep down, she knew Pony was at least partially right. Wade deserved a lot more than what she had given him.

XXX

Two-Bit sat back in the booth across from Steve while the girls were in the bathroom. Jay's was pretty hopping since it was a weekend night, but they had found a nice booth in the back corner away from most everybody else.

"The girls seem to be getting along pretty good," Two-Bit said.

"Yeah, they seem to like each other. Carolyn's nice."

"Yeah?" he asked, leaning forward a little. "She's cute, ain't she?"

Steve nodded. "I've never really gone for girls with glasses, but yeah. She's real cute."

"She's a trip, man. I like her a lot."

"Well, she's perfect for you."

Two-Bit grinned. His mama had told him that about a hundred times since Carolyn met her.

"How's it going with Evie?"

Steve shrugged. "Okay. Better, I guess. She don't seem to hate me as much as she did."

"That's a good sign."

"I'm thinking about getting her a ring."

"You're gonna go through with it?"

"You make it sound like I'm about to sign my death warrant."

"You just don't sound all that excited about it," Two-Bit said. He thought back to the New Year's party. "You're gonna have to look at least half as happy as Darry did when he proposed. And this? The way you look right now? That's not gonna cut it."

Steve sighed and looked back in the direction of the restrooms. "It's not that I don't want us to get married."

"You could've fooled me."

"I don't know what it is. Cold feet, I guess."

"Just tell her that."

"I love her, you know?"

Two-Bit nodded. "Sure. I think everybody who knows you knows that."

"What if I get drafted or something?"

"All the more reason to get married," he replied. It seemed like the guys around them were all dying to get hitched because they were getting drafted. It surprised him a little that that was exactly what was holding Steve back.

"No, I mean, what if I get drafted and then I …"

Two-Bit stopped him. "I know what you mean. I still think that's just another reason you oughta get married before any of that happens."

Steve nodded. "Yeah, I guess."

"It'll be all right, man. It'll all work out."

"What will?" Evie asked as the girls walked back up to the table.

"Oh, this whole mess with Ellie and Wade," Two-Bit replied, quickly and casually.

"That's the boy from the party with the cowboy hat?" Carolyn asked. He had kind of sprung his friends on her at the New Year's Eve party they had, and she was still trying to catch up.

"He's a cute kid," Evie said.

"Yeah, he is," Carolyn agreed. "That cowboy hat made him even cuter. You ever think about a cowboy hat, Two-Bit? It might bring out your sideburns."

"And take away from this gorgeous face? Not a chance. Now, Steve, on the other hand …"

"And mess up this?" Evie asked, pointing at his perfectly coiffed hair.

Steve held up a hand to protect it. "Not on your life. I'll leave the cowboy hat-wearing to Wade."

"I wish Ellie would just forget about Dally, though," Evie said.

"From what Two-Bit's told me, he sounds like her first love, though," Carolyn replied. "That's hard to get over."

"Who was your first love?" Two-Bit asked.

She rested her chin on her hand and smiled. "Oh, that's pretty personal, don't you think?"

"Well, I'm a person. And I know Evie's a person. Steve, I'm not so sure about, but maybe." He studied her for a second, thinking about how they had all gone to school with each other. It still baffled him that he couldn't remember her. "It's somebody we all know, isn't it?"

She looked at him for a brief moment before she nodded.

He grinned. "It was me, wasn't it? That's why you were so quick to flirt with me at work."

"Oh, Two-Bit," she said, a dreamy look on her face. "My first love was, and always will be, Ricky Nelson."

His grin faltered for a second. "Did I ever tell you that my favorite song is 'Travelin' Man?' I've been told I've got a great singing voice."

"I had no idea."

"Follow me," he said, gesturing to the juke box. "I'll prove it. You two care to join us?"

"No, thanks," Steve replied. He wrapped his arm around Evie and they both settled back. "We'll just enjoy the show."

"Your loss," he muttered, digging change out of his pocket.

Carolyn was leaning against the wall as Two-Bit plunked his money in the machine, preparing to put her first love to shame.

XXX

Ellie hopped on a bus and then walked the rest of the way to the bowling alley. She was sure Wade was working, and if she didn't go talk to him while she had a little bit of nerve and a nearly clear head, she would never do it.

It was a league bowling night, and the whole place was loud and crowded with old people in button down shirts with funny names on the back. She headed straight for the concession counter but stopped mid-way there. The scene in front of her looked too staged to be true. Wade was on one side of the counter, leaning into it talking to some girl. She was a girl in their grade, but Ellie didn't really know who she was. All she could see was a pretty girl with long blonde hair, clearly flirting with her boyfriend. From where she stood, Ellie could see that she was from the other side of the tracks for sure, someone more Wade's style. As they talked, she kept leaning close to him, scuffing one of her ugly bowling shoes along the dingy floor.

They had definitely been chatting for awhile because she was holding a cup that she handed back to him to refill, which he did with a stupid grin on his face. As he turned back to give her the Coke, he caught sight of Ellie. He froze with the drink in his hand, just staring at her. The expression in his eyes, though, were extremely out of character for him. He looked nearly as angry as he did when he had pushed her.

For a moment, she thought about stomping over there and claiming what was hers, but she didn't. It didn't exactly worry her that he was talking to some other girl. She looked between the two of them, knowing she wasn't giving him much of an idea as to what she was thinking. It only seemed to throw him off for a few seconds, because he looked back at the blonde and handed her the Coke. He leaned into the counter again, closer to her. It could have been for him to better hear her, but it didn't look like it.

Ellie watched him talk to the girl, and it was like she was seeing him for the first time. She had never really considered it before, but seeing him the way other girls probably saw him, he was downright good looking. Even with the goofy apron he wore at work and the silly cowboy hat he wore the rest of the time, he was a handsome boy with his dirty blond hair and blue eyes. None of that was a match for what a genuinely nice person he was, though.

She turned around and walked out the door, confident Wade didn't even look at her again. He was treating her like dirt, just like he said.

And I know that when she said she's gonna try
Well, it might not work because of other ties
And I know she usually has some other ties
And I wouldn't want to break 'em.