Disclaimer: See Chapter 20.

Note: Holy shit am I on time?! I do believe I am. *pats self on the back* Well, this chapter shouldn't be so hard on the emotions. Hopefully we'll be on time again next week! Enjoy! -JJ

Chapter 21

Dean's eyes fluttered open just as the sun started to peek over the horizon and gently stream into his bedroom. He felt heavy and a little disoriented. His body was still tired, exhausted from the night before but the weight he carried on his shoulders seemed to be slightly lifted.

After a moment of remembering the night before, his heart leapt in his chest, his eyes jerking to the side, looking over at Seth's still happily sleeping face. He lifted the blankets, finding everything to be exactly how it had been when he'd gone to sleep, all down to how Seth was clung to his side, one arm over his chest and their legs tangled. He sighed in relief, relaxing back into the mattress.

He hadn't meant to fall asleep, but it would a lie to say that he didn't enjoy it. His eyes closed, his arm wrapped around Seth pulling him in just a little closer. Things were okay. Seth was okay. Moxley hadn't made another appearance. Another relieved breath and Dean thought that everything Seth had said the day before was right. He needed a professional, someone that could somehow help him cope with Moxley and limit his appearances. If not for himself, for Seth, for the one person that loved him and believed in him.

Turning his head, he pressed a feather light kiss to Seth's forehead, his free hand stroking over his cheek. He didn't know if he had the strength to tell Seth how he felt yet, but he desperately hoped that Seth understood that his feelings were returned.

He pulled away from Seth, trying hard not to disturb him too much. Once his feet hit the cool floor, he smiled, looking over the beautiful man in his bed. One day he hoped this would be a regular thing that he'd wake up to that face every morning. Dean adjusted the blankets over Seth, making sure he was comfortable before he walked away. Pausing in the doorway, he looked back at Seth again, the soft smile still in place. "Sleep well," he breathed, pulling the door shut behind him.

Seth groaned, reaching out across the bed. He patted around the cool sheets, his eyes cracking open to see the bed empty. He felt his heart sink, another lower, tired groan leaving his throat. He'd hoped that he would wake up to Dean next to him.

Suddenly he felt fear surge through him. He sat up in the bed, ignoring how his head felt too light and his vision went fuzzy. He looked over himself then the room, finding everything like it had been left. He was shocked, thinking that Moxley would've made another debut after the night before. He couldn't calm his heart as he threw the blankets off of him and hurried to the door, faintly remembering that it had been open before he'd gone to sleep.

He opened it and stepped into the hallway, hoping that Dean had just left him to sleep on the couch, and that Moxley hadn't showed up and had left the apartment. He didn't know why Moxley would, but then again, he couldn't even fathom how Moxley thought. He turned the corner, relief once again rushing through him when he saw Dean laying across his couch with a laptop on his stomach.

He paused, smiling softly at the way Dean's eyes were furrowed, reading what was on the screen. "Morning," he greeted a little breathlessly, leaning against the wall. He could feel every nerve inside him starting to settle, his insides still buzzing from the surge of adrenaline.

Dean looked over, his mouth drying at the sleepy eyes, and messy hair. Seth looked perfect leaning against his wall like he was. He was silent for a moment, taking hold of the laptop and sitting up. "M-morinin'," he returned, swinging his legs so they were on the floor, leaving the other two cushions open. "You sleep okay?"

Seth nodded, one fist moving up to rub one eye, yawning widely. "Woulda been better waking up to you," he said softly, crossing his arms over his chest. "Can I come over and sit by you or are you doing top secret work on that thing?"

Dean chuckled, shrugging. He would've rather stayed with Seth too, but he knew if he didn't get up when he did, he would've put things off. He looked down at the screen once again, his lighthearted demeanor starting to fall. "I've been looking for a psychiatrist," he said, shifting uncomfortably. "But…uh…." He trailed off, looking down at the keyboard. "I don't know what I'm really looking for."

Seth felt a stab at his heart. He walked over, sitting next to Dean and looking at the screen. There was a list of highly acclaimed psychiatrists on the page, but none of them seemed to specialize or have any experience with MPD.

"I don't even know what this shit is called," Dean groaned, his jaw tightening as Seth slid closer to him, hooking their arms. "Where do I even start?"

Seth rested his cheek on Dean's shoulder, reaching over with the hand that wasn't wrapped around Dean's arm and started typing in the search bar. "Here," he breathed, searching for MPD and showing the results to Dean. "I did some research a while back." He scrolled down the results, tapping on the same website he'd used before. "There's a couple of recommended psychiatrists down at the bottom."

Dean read through, both terrified and relieved to learn that everything he read seemed to fit him in one way or another. He made it to the bottom of the page and took a moment to look over the information. He knew he needed to call, make an appointment with someone, but things were still so fresh, so overwhelming. "Seth," he sighed, leaning back into the cushions. He looked over, losing himself in the warmth of those chocolate eyes. He closed his own eyes, moving so their forehead's pressed together. He had to do this, not just for himself but for Seth. "Can I have a minute?"

Seth nodded, nudging his nose against Dean's. He tilted his head to the side, quickly pressing a chaste, easy kiss to the sweet lips before he pulled back completely. "I'm gonna get dressed, just let me know when you're done," he said, standing. He earned a nod before he started walking back towards the bedroom.

After a quick trip to the bathroom to relieve his bladder, he stepped into Dean's bedroom. He breathed in Dean's scent, enjoying the way it floated all around him. He could really get used to smelling it everyday.

He quickly took to grabbing clothes from his suitcase, his cell phone falling out and hitting his knee. He looked at it for a moment before he picked it up. He touched the screen, noticing that he had a few missed calls, most of them from Roman. "He's probably worried," he muttered, a delicate smile touching his lips. Of course he would be.

He pressed the button to call Roman back as he started to slip off his shorts and pull on a pair of skinny jeans.

"Seth! I've been trying to get a hold of you since yesterday!"

Seth smirked. He could hear the relief and worry both in the Samoan's deep voice. He apologized. "I haven't had a chance to look at my phone," he explained, sitting on the bed, ruffling the sheets lighting, thinking that Dean had been laying there the night before. "I'm with Dean, if you didn't already figure it out."

"Well, that's a relief!" Roman sighed through the phone, clearly a little flustered with Seth's lack of communication. "How's he doing?"

At that Seth let out a heavy sigh. He didn't know how to answer. Sure, Dean wasn't doing bad, but after everything they'd endured; he couldn't say that things were fine. He wanted to tell Roman that he was looking for someone that could help him, but he felt that was something Dean should tell Roman when he was ready.

Roman sighed on the line, the sound of wind rushing over the microphone. "How're you?" he asked, his voice dropping into a more concerned tone. "Are you safe?"

Seth bit his lower lip lightly, knowing that the question held more meaning than Roman had probably intended. "I'm safe," he answered, falling back against the bed, looking up at the ceiling. "Don't worry, I'm a big boy Ro, I can take care of myself."

"That's not what I meant and you know it."

Seth knew that heated hiss all too well. Roman wasn't comfortable or happy with his sarcasm. "Seriously, I'm fine. We're fine," he said, his free hand coming up to push stray locks of hair away from his face. "Look, Ro, I know this is gonna sound weird, but don't call me for the rest of the time I'm here, okay?"

"What?! Why?"

Seth sighed, pulling the phone away from his ear, Roman halfway yelling. "Dean heard you yesterday while we were at the arena," he explained lowly, resting the hand in his hair on his stomach.

"Fuck…" A hissed groan.

"You see what I'm saying?" Seth asked, closing his eyes. "We'll see you when we land in Indy tomorrow though. Don't worry so much Ro, really."

"That's really hard to do," Roman breathed, another groan filling the line. "Well, I won't take up your time then, you stay safe, okay? Call me if you need anything."

"I will Ro, relax and enjoy your day off," Seth answered, hoping to end their conversation on a lighter note. He smiled, listen to Roman grumble about having to attend a family get together. "See you tomorrow."

"Hey Seth!" Roman said suddenly, hoping to catch Seth before he hung up.

"Yeah?"

"Keep Dean safe too."

Seth was a little surprised at the request but couldn't help but smile. No matter what was going on, he knew Roman would always have a soft spot for the man he called his brother. "Don't worry, I will," he returned, finally exchanging goodbyes before he hung up. Shaking his head, he sat up and shoved his phone back into his suitcase before he pulled out a t-shirt.

Dean knocked lightly on the door frame, watching almost mesmerized as Seth finished pulling his tank top off and tossed it into his suitcase. "I made an appointment for next week in NYC," he said, crossing his arms over his chest. His eyes raked down Seth's chest before he forced them to rest on the floor. Why did Seth have to be so damn good looking?

Seth smiled, nodding. He pulled his t-shirt on and walked over to Dean, running a hand through the messy curls. "I'm glad," he whispered, standing right in front of Dean. "We'll find someone that fits you, okay? I want you to be comfortable with someone."

"I don't think that's gonna happen," Dean retorted without thinking. He was being honest. He was still lightly trembling from the phone call, nervous and a bit scared. He was about to let a complete stranger into his head. He sighed, closing his eyes. They snapped open once he felt warm lips on his.

Seth pulled back, nudging his nose against Dean's again. "No negativity," he breathed, their eyes meeting, his hands cupping Dean's cheeks. "C'mon, I'm a little hungry. I hear that left over duck calling my name."

Dean couldn't help but smirk, one brow rising in mild amusement. "For breakfast? Who are you and where is Seth Rollins, Mr. Crossfit himself?" he asked, surprised with the chortle that left Seth's lips. It caused his heart to skip a beat. He hadn't heard that kind of lighthearted, perfect laugh in so long. "I guess I'll let it slide today."

Seth let his laughter die down before he stood there with Dean, their eyes focused on one another, an invisible cord pulling them even closer. He tilted his head, his eyes flickering from one half lidded, blue orb to the other and back again. "Dean," he breathed, moving in to kiss those lips.

Dean turned his head at the last moment, evading the tender touch. "I'm sorry," he murmured, looking down at the floor. "I don't… It's not…" he started, trying to find the right words. As much as he hated to refuse Seth's kiss, he just wasn't sure if it was a good idea. He'd wanted it, but still he was riddled with guilt and the fear that somehow he'd push Seth too far. "Let's warm up the Chinese."

Seth was hurt, but tried not to let it show as Dean pulled away from him and walked towards the kitchen. He sighed, his jaw tightened as he tried to brush it off. He knew he had to give Dean space and time after the night before, but it was hard not to want the simplest of touches between them again.

Breakfast went a lot better than dinner the night before, both men eating a heaping plate each, successfully finishing off the Chinese food from the night before. They were still pretty quiet, but this time it wasn't uncomfortable.

After breakfast, and the two washed up, Dean was the one to turn towards Seth. He smirked, knowing that Seth probably felt huge after all the salt and grease they'd just eaten. He knew exactly how to take care of that. "Wanna go for a run?" he asked, a mischievous glint flashing in his eyes.

"You would ask when I feel like a blimp," Seth groaned, rubbing his belly that was now poking out a bit more than usual. He met Dean's gaze and smiled. "I guess I do need to work all that food off. Being here with you is gonna make me fat."

Dean rolled his eyes, chuckling. "Ya know, I didn't mind how you looked before you started doing all this crossfit," he stated, earning a playful open-handed love tap to the shoulder. "Just saying, you could fill out a pair of those skin tight jeans." He hurried back towards his bedroom, both to retrieve a pair of socks and flee from Seth's retaliation, which he knew would come.

"I can still fill out a pair of skinny jeans!" Seth called after Dean, looking back at his rounded ass. He gave one cheek a light pat. His voice dropped, a smile curving his lips upwards. He'd only started doing Crossfit once he'd reached the main roster. "You've been looking at it that long?"

It didn't take long for both men to get ready for their run, Seth exchanging his skinny jeans for a pair of athletic shorts. He followed Dean, both equipped with a full bottle of water, sunglasses, and a snapback, out into the Nevada heat. It was still early morning, but the heat was overwhelming. He could feel his skin already prickling with sweat.

He didn't speak, just followed Dean, the other man starting to jog. It didn't take them long to make it to the edge of Las Vegas and out into the open desert. Suddenly, he understood why Dean picked the apartment he was in. It was so close to all the lights and sounds, even in an upscale complex with great security, but still so close to some place so peaceful and desolate.

Dean shot a glance over his shoulder, smirking at the way Seth's hair was already a poofy mess under his backwards snapback, beads of sweat on his forehead. He was sweating himself, leading them further into the desert, towards his usual running grounds. "I hope you don't mind climbing a bit," he called a few minutes later, a gust of hot wind slamming into them.

Seth nodded, lifting his water bottle up and taking a quick gulp of cool water. It was refreshing on his already parched tongue. He was quiet, listening to the sounds around him and Dean's harsh pants. He looked ahead, unable to stop his eyes from widening and gulping. Right in front of him was a rock face that Dean was patting. "How the hell do you do this?" he asked breathlessly, yanking his shirt off and tucking it into the waistband of his shorts. "This is brutal."

Dean only smirked, shrugging. "Best work out you can get. Nature and peace," he answered, looking up. "No worse that crossfit." He reached for the first set of crevices he usually used for his hands. "It's only about thirty feet, nothin' we ain't done before."

Seth wanted to argue that the time Dean was talking about had been on a rock wall with real hand holds and safety belts, not on uncertain rock in the middle of the desert, but decided against it. He just closely watched Dean as he started to climb upwards with no problem at all. He swallowed, shaking his head and taking a large breath before he started doing the same. The climb wasn't hard, a little tedious at times, but otherwise pretty enjoyable. Once be made it to the top, there was a large plateau. He stood up and brushed the sand from himself before he stood next to Dean.

"It's a great view from here," Dean murmured, pulling his own shirt off and wiping his face with it. He looked over at Seth, a small smile on his lips. He did the same as Seth and tucked his shirt into the waistband of his shorts. He felt Seth's fingers gently slide between his. Instantly, his curled around Seth's, a cool, tingling shooting up his arm and straight into his heart.

"Yeah," Seth murmured, looking over the desert, finding that the view was absolutely beautiful. His gaze moved back to Dean, the other man's eyes transfixed out on the open space. Just seeing Dean standing there without a care or worry made his heart flutter. How long had it been since he saw that kind of look? Had he ever seen in the past? "It really is."

Dean turned, meeting so soft gaze. He couldn't stop the way his heart fluttered in his chest or the way his cheeks seemed to burn hotter than the rest of his body. "Well, I'm ready to take a break. You?" he asked, looking down at his sneakers. He'd always wanted to have those eyes settled on him so gently, so full of love, from Seth. But actually seeing it was a little overwhelming. He slowly pulled away from Seth and walked to the edge. He sat down, scooting so his legs could hang over the edge.

Seth joined sitting next to Dean, looking over the edge for just a moment before he looked up into the clear blue sky. It was hotter than when they'd started out, his skin prickling and stinging from the sweat that was beading on his skin and sliding down in thin rivulets. He sighed as the hot wing rushed over him, only slightly cooler than the surrounding air. Leaning back, he breathed in the clean air.

"Don't lay back. The sand itches and burns like a bitch when you're sweatin' like that," Dean warned, leaning back on his hands. "Learned that the hard way." He chuckled, looking over to see Seth doing the same, just soaking in the rays.

Seth nodded, looking over at Dean. His heart started to race, watching as sweat slid down the strong chest. He swallowed hard. He turned his head away and closed his eyes, willing himself to think about something else, anything else.

After a few moments, his mind started to wonder. He had questions about Moxley that plagued him. He wanted to ask Dean, but he really didn't want to ruin the light, peaceful mood they had. Each second that ticked by, they became more prevalent until finally he couldn't ignore them. Slowly, his eyes slid open, his brows starting to furrow. He was about to ruin the calm they'd created. "Hey Dean," he started softly, sitting up and leaning forward, his hands clutching the rocky edge. "Can I ask you a couple questions?"

"Yeah, what's on your mind?"

Seth was quiet, trying to silence his thoughts for just a moment so he could order his questions like he wanted. He licked his lower lip, his tongue dry and slightly rough against his plump lip. "How did…" Seth's voice trailed off, the words thick and clunky in his tightened throat. "How did you find out about Moxley? Like that it was him?" It sounded almost as awkward as it felt to say. "I just… he told me to never say anything, so… I just… yeah."

Dean sighed, swallowing hard. He picked up his water bottle and took a quick drink before he pulled his hat off and poured the rest over his head. It was lukewarm now, but still refreshing against the heat. "I'll explain on the way back," he said, scooting back and standing. He replaced his snapback. "It's only gonna get hotter, lets get some lunch on the way in and relax the rest of the day."

Seth nodded, hating how he'd completely ruined the mood. The tension was once again thick between them. He followed Dean to the other side of the plateau. His eyes widened at the mild, winding slope that led to the base. "You made me climb all the way up here when we could've taken this?" he questioned, protesting all the work he'd done not twenty minutes before. "How cruel!"

"I'm just making sure you keep those arms. All the fan girls love them," Dean teased with a chuckle, throwing a smile back at Seth. Once they were about halfway down, he began to feel uncomfortable, nerves jumbling inside him, his breathing quickening. He'd already told Seth the worst of his history, but talking about this subject meant bringing up old wounds that still hadn't fully healed due to constantly being ripped open over the years.

Seth could feel the negativity rolling off Dean in waves. He knew Dean wasn't comfortable and he hated that he'd made him feel that way again. He'd just been curious. If Dean already knew about Moxley, why would Moxley tell him to keep quiet? What had happened before that he didn't want to be known?

"You want the long version or the short one?" Dean finally asked once they hit the base and were on their way back towards Las Vegas. He looked over at Seth, the other man walking right next to him. He briefly met the other man's gaze.

"Um, either one you're comfortable with really."

"That wouldn't be either one," Dean chuckled humorlessly, swallowing hard. "It's a complicated answer." He took a breath, mentally preparing himself. "After the first night, I wasn't allowed to leave the house anymore. I wasn't stupid, he didn't want me sayin' anything to anyone and I already knew it wouldn't be a one time thing. I was young, but not stupid." His throat felt dry and he suddenly wished he had more water.

Seth nodded, listening to Dean with open ears.

"A couple weeks later, Hawk brought this girl home with him. She was one of the girls he used to lure in rich old guys and extort them," Dean went on, one hand moving up to scratch the back of his neck. "She was pretty beat up, but she was still nice. She was the only friend I had, and the only one that was allowed in the house. Her name was Amy."

Dean took a shaky breath, thinking over her. He hadn't seen her since the night he ran away. "I constantly lived my life like I was Moxley. I refused to answer to any other name. After a couple times of blacking out, she told me that I acted like another person. I talked different, acted different. I didn't believe her."

Seth nodded, pulling his shirt from his waistband and wiping his face again.

"I didn't hear it again until Sami said it," Dean murmured, his voice cracking. Just saying his name was still so painful. "He wasn't wrestling yet, still in training and I had this crazy, dangerous match. I remember starting it but as soon as I was twisted up against the turnbuckle, I blacked out. He told me that it was like a different person in the ring once I got backstage. I barely remember getting the pin."

"It took me a while to believe him, but after seeing myself or some of the guys, I couldn't ignore it anymore." He paused, his heart slamming against his ribs. "He was the first stable person in my life and he didn't look at me any different." His eyes fell to the ground. "He's the only other person that knew about Hawk."

Seth once again nodded, feeling a stab to his own heart. "He wasn't just your friend, was he?" he asked, sure that he already knew the answer. Moxley had loved him, why wouldn't Dean?

Dean was silent, telling himself that it was okay to answer. His heart beat just a little faster, conflicted feels coursing through him. He didn't want to hide it from Seth, but he didn't want to remember. It would only bring more pain. "No, he was a lot more," he finally answered, the finality of his voice leaving no room for Seth to question him further on the subject.

Seth could feel that he'd hit a sore subject. He remained silent the rest of the trek back to Las Vegas. He still had questions, but he decided that it would be better to keep them to himself and let the stifling atmosphere between them settle. He didn't want to cause anymore trouble.

(A/N): Sami's still a seriously sore subject. And Roman knows he fucked up. So, what are your thoughts? As always, I'd love to hear them! Onwards and upwards!

JacktheSinister_JaketheJust