Oh, snap! You wanted another chapter and here it is. R&R and of course enjoy! DMJ
Chapter 21: The Word
Word traveled fast around the hospital, and by two days later everyone knew why Carter was gone, including Abby. She wanted to forget about him, to let him destroy his life if that's what he wanted, but she couldn't leave him alone.
After her shift, she went to his house and knocked. A moment passed and the door opened….. and she saw his glassy eyes.
"Abby. I didn't think you'd ever talk to me again."
"What can I say, Carter? Apparently it's in my nature to check up on you." She stepped into the house and went to the living room.
Carter sat on the couch. Abby noticed that in front of the man was a glass of whiskey and a burning cigarette. She said, "Luka told me that you quit drinking. I guess that didn't last."
He shrugged and picked up the drink. "I have time off so I thought I'd relax a bit."
"Yeah. How else are you relaxing?" She sat down next to him.
Carter smiled, "What do you mean?"
"I mean, how long have you been using?" She stared him in the eyes. Breaking the gaze, he took a drag from his cigarette.
In a flat voice he replied, "What are you talking about? You know I stopped. You caught me with that script—"
"Don't play dumb with me, Carter. You know this isn't a social visit. Everyone at the hospital knows about the pills. But I know you're shooting up too. It's your method of choice—"
"You don't know anything."
"Your eyes are glazed over as we speak! Now how long?"
Carter sighed. There was no point to hide it anymore. His using one drug was just as bad as any other. "I don't know exactly. Not long. But you don't have to worry about this-"
"Of course I do! You are endangering patients' lives—!"
"I don't shoot up at work….. And now that I'm not working, I obviously can't endanger patients' lives."
"Fine. Then at the very least you're endangering your life. Does the hospital even know about ... What are you even taking?"
"Morphine." Carter dodged the hospital question. "But I have it under control. I don't share needles. I take drugs to feel normal. I regulate my intake very precisely—"
Abby jumped up in fury. "There are so many things wrong with what you said that I don't know where to begin! 'Have it under control'? Have you lost your mind?! There is no control when you're on drugs! You're shooting morphine for Christ's sakes! John, you need help."
"No," Carter shook his head. "County will fire me. No way."
"If they don't know by now that you're doing hard shit, they'll find out soon enough. Do you really think the Vicodin will just get you a slap on the wrist?"
"I don't know. But they don't need to know about the morphine. I just need to get through this on my own….. It's really not as bad as it sounds—."
"It's morphine!" Abby shouted.
Carter quickly responded, "It's not nearly as strong as fentanyl—"
"That is no justification." She walked away, into the bathroom and Carter hung his head.
When Abby returned, Carter looked up and saw that she had her hands full. But something stopped her. Before sitting down, Abby went to the second floor, to Carter's bedroom. She returned with even more in her hands, and Carter knew exactly what it was.
Abby read off her findings as she put them down on the coffee table. "Four bottles of various pain pills. Two bottles of sleeping pills. Leftover antidepressants. Three vials of morphine. And a package of hospital syringes." She waited for his response, but all Carter did was take another swallow from his drink.
Crossing her arms, Abby ordered, "Roll up your sleeves." She stood over him, looking down at him.
Carter took a drag from his cigarette and responded, "You are starting to sound like Kerry. Why? I already admitted to the morphine."
She sat next to him, "I want to see how bad this has gotten.
He hesitated and just looked into her eyes. After a long moment, Carter finally did as he was told. He pushed up his sleeves and held his arms out. He turned his face away, and Abby knew it was from shame. She looked down and saw what nearly made her heart stop. Running from his elbows to his wrists, track marks scarred his arms. The vast amount of needle marks terrified Abby.
She sharply drew in a breath, "Carter….." and she closed her eyes.
Carter rolled his sleeves back down and leaned back into the couch with drink in hand.
Abby opened her eyes, "How did you pass all those drug tests?" Her voice was laced with confusion and desperation to understand the situation.
"I honestly wasn't using then."
"Why didn't you come talk to me? To anyone before it got like this?"
"You don't understand." Carter started gathering the objects on the coffee table, "Nothing was working. Nothing helped." He started walking away.
Abby shouted, "Are you going off to shoot up?!"
"He stopped and turned to her. "No, Abby. I'm going to put these things away so they aren't sitting out in the open."
"Does your family know?"
"What?"
"Do they know that you're using again?"
"How would they?" He walked off, but continued, "I hardly ever talk to them."
As Abby sat alone in confusion, Carter's cell phone rang.
From another room Carter shouted, "Could you get that?" Abby rolled her eyes but picked up the phone. "Hello?"
"Oh, hi this is Dr. Weaver calling for Dr. Carter."
"Hi Kerry, this is Abby. Listen, it's worse than we thought. It's not just Vicodin—"
From the other room Carter asked, "Who is it?"
Abby didn't respond to him, but instead continued talking to Kerry. "It's morphine. He hasn't been doing it long, but it's bad. Shit, I hear him coming, hold on."
Carter emerged from the doorway, eyes glazed and unsteady on his feet. A sheepish smile spread across his face as he made his way to Abby.
She couldn't believe her eyes. Pulling the phone away from her face she hissed, "You're high?!"
Carter simply put a finger to his mouth in a shush and broke into a smile again.
He cleared his throat and asked, "Who is it?"
"Kerry." Abby put the phone in his hand.
Upon hearing the name, Carter's smile faded and he whispered, "You didn't say anything, did you?"
"No," she lied, and sat down on the couch.
Carter cleared his throat again and into the phone spoke, "Hey Kerry, it's John."
Abby couldn't hear the other end of the conversation, but based on Carter's expression, she knew he wasn't happy. To see someone's face slowly transform from a smile, to confusion, to absolute realization is quite a sight, and that's exactly what Abby experienced.
Carter wasn't given much of an opportunity to speak, but when he did Abby listened closely to try to understand what Kerry was saying. Unfortunately she didn't discover much.
From start to finish, Carter's words said nothing that Abby didn't already know.
"Kerry, what….. Who told you….." he glared at Abby. "No, it's not true….. You don't trust me?... I'm not coming in….. No, I'm not high….. What!... Come on, Kerry….. I won't go….. Because I don't need to!... That's it?!... You can't do this….. I said no." Carter looked at the phone, confused, and Abby assumed that Kerry had hung up on him. He slowly closed his phone and looked at Abby.
As he walked to the couch he said, "You said you didn't tell her."
Abby stood, "And you said you weren't going in back to shoot up—"
"They aren't the same!" he shouted.
"You're right," Abby stayed calm, "Because my lie was to save your life, whereas yours was to destroy it."
Carter said no response. He just took a deep breath and sat down.
Abby hesitantly asked, "What did she say?"
"She wants me to go back to Atlanta. I said no." Carter poured a fresh drink and chugged it. Too late, Abby grabbed the empty glass from her friend.
He stared off at nothing so Abby prompted, "And?"
He looked at her. "And she fired me." He stood up and walked to the bedroom, locking the door behind himself.
Abby just sat there thinking, Now he has no reason to stop.
Losing hope is easy
When your only friend is gone
And every time you look around
Well, it all, it all just seems to change
The mark was left
Man it's never the same
Next time that you shoot
Make sure that you aim
Open windows with passing cars
A brand new night
With the same old stars
Losing hope is easy
When your only friend is gone
And every time you look around
Well, it all, it all just seems to change
Feed the fool
A piece of the pie
Make a fool of his system
Make a fool of his mind
Give him bottles of lies
And maybe he'll find
His place in heaven
Cause he might just die
Losing hope is easy
When your only friend is gone
And every time you look around
Well, it all, it all just seems to change
But hanging on is easy
When you've got a friend to call
When nothings making sense at all
You're not the only one who's afraid of change
Lyrics from: "Losing Hope" by Jack Johnson