Warning: this might not all be accurate fully. Just setting a scene as I've done so much research to get most things accurate at least. A few things are personal experiences. Read to your discretion :) x
As her father, mother and brother speak with the specialist, Kenna wonders if she'd be able to get a word in edgewise.
"...We're strongly against any medication of any sort," her mother says, cutting into her thoughts.
The mental health nurse, Katie, turns to her. "What is your say in all of this?"
Kenna shrugs. "I don't know. Well, I do know that I don't want to take medication."
"We can talk with your psychiatrist to see what treatments are best for you," the nurse replies. "I can pass that on. Is there a reason why?"
"I used to take them for about four or five years..." Kenna trails off. "Never again."
"Kenna, it seems to me that your family are speaking on your behalf. Are their decisions yours initially?" The nurse asks her.
Kenna nods. "They've always been a part of my depression struggles. They know me better than I know myself."
"But this is about you. You and... what is your daughter's name again?"
Kenna's eyes land on Perrine who is asleep in her mother's arms. She's said her name many times before, but it's painful to even say it now. Without sobbing or falling asleep in exhaustion.
"P-P..." She tries, biting her lip nervously. "Perrine Aveline."
"That's a beautiful name. Who chose it?"
"I did," Kenna tells her. "I chose Perrine and my partner chose Aveline - a variant of it."
The nurse smiles. "Does the name have any meaning?"
A memory sneaks its way into her mind and it makes her smile a little.
"Perrine. She will be our rock. It's similar to Adrien and it's a lovely French name - the feminine version of Perrin," Kenna said.
Bash smiled. "That's beautiful. At least we're more prepared this time... How about Eve from the Bible? Or even Eva? Or even Mckenzie to please your handsome father."
Giggling she replies, "How about Aveline? Ava for short."
"That's beautiful. Perrine will be her first name though," he said, rubbing her bump and feeling their child kick. "I think she likes our choices."
"Perrine Aveline Mckenzie Poitiers, our longed-for child," Kenna said.
Kenna's smile disappears and she clears her throat. "Our rock and longed-for child."
"Is that the case?" The nurse asks.
"I don't know," Kenna replies numbly. "Are you just going to sit here and psychoanalyse me all day? I've been in and out of therapy for years, I know how this goes."
"Mckenna," her mother says softly.
Kenna sighs, rolling her eyes. "I'm sorry."
"It's fine," the nurse says. "Right, I'll show you to your room. You will meet your nursery nurse in there. She will help you care for Perrine Aveline. We can discuss other details about your stay here."
"Don't you have all my information already? You've had a referral," Kenna asks her. "Why do you need it all again and why do I have to go through all that again?"
"Kenna, this is to make sure that you understand why you've been referred here," the nurse replies calmly as Kenna's parents look at her with disapproving looks. "Yes, we do have all the information about you, your family and other details. We want to be active with you in your recovery."
Kenna nods. "Fair enough," she replies. "Let's get this over with."
When they get to her room, she inspects it and gives a nod of acknowledgement to the nursery nurse.
"Hi, I'm Leslie Riche, your nursery nurse," the woman says in a thick Scottish accent.
Kenna smiles a little. "Kenna. Guess this is home, right?"
"We want this to be as welcoming, homey and comfortable for you, Kenna," Leslie tells her. "We will talk as you settle in with Perrine Aveline."
"It's just Perrine," Kenna says. "You can call her Perrine."
Leslie acknowledges her request. "As you and Perrine settle in, we will discuss Perrine's care plan. How she feeds, sleeps - that's the sort of things I'd discuss with you."
Kenna nods, turning to her family. "You can go now," she tells them as she collects her daughter from Joanna and places a soft kiss on the baby's cheek.
"Your mother and I will visit you every weekend," Robert tells her, planting a kiss onto her forehead. "If you need anything at all..."
"I'm good," Kenna replies nonchalantly as she turns to Alex. "Anything to say?"
Alex sighs. "Try, okay? And don't bite off everyone's head when you're sleep deprived or just a bitch."
"I'll try," she mumbles, rolling her eyes.
As her mental health nurse sees them out, Kenna sits down on the twin bed and looks up at Leslie. "How does this work? The care plan?"
Leslie gives her a comforting smile as she says, "As I said, feeding, sleeping... Kenna, you are important. We're all here to support you in dealing with this. My job is to focus on Perrine as you focus on your recovery. You can think of me as a nanny, only you'd be fully in control and tending to your daughter."
Kenna looks down. "I-I can't sleep, I can't eat, I can't function. All I'd rather do is nothing at all," she tells Leslie.
"Is Perrine a reason you can't sleep?" Leslie asks her.
Kenna nods. "It's every two hours that she needs a feed and I don't even have the strength to use a pump. My partner tries his best and so does my mum, but she's only being breastfed. It's a personal choice, I did it with my eldest."
"Okay, we can try out some pumps today and see what we can do to start weaning her off you and onto a bottle."
"Does that make me a bad mum? I never wanted to start her on the bottle too early... I wouldn't prefer that."
"Of course, not!" Leslie replies. "It's understandable, but you are working on no energy. Do you fall asleep randomly, pass out and the sort?"
"Yeah," Kenna says, nodding. "All I do is fall asleep, I can't do anything else. I mean last week was the first time I had over an hour of sleep in total. When she finishes feeding at night, it's impossible for me to get back to sleep because I think and thinking makes me believe I'm doing things wrong and... Then, I hate her..."
Leslie's smile vanishes a little, but it remains as she says, "Right, we have an overnight staff to take care of Perrine during the night. As for feeding, think of it this way. It might be a bottle, but it isn't the formula. If you're able to pump enough milk for her today, it will get easier and she will still be technically breastfed."
"Makes sense," Kenna agrees. "Would I have to be around her all the time?"
"Not necessarily. Some treatments require you not to be distracted. Are you comfortable around Perrine?"
Kenna shrugs. "Sometimes it feels like I'm holding fire in my arms, other times... I just need her by my side. I don't really trust her with anyone else for over thirty minutes. It's like I'm trying to apologise to her for being so... for not being the mother I was to my eldest."
"Was your first pregnancy similar?"
"No. Well, not to this extent. I was too into caring for my son to even have depression, I guess. My partner was very hands on too, so I was supported greatly. Although the same can be said for this time, there's something I lost and..." She trails off. "You're not the person I need to say all of this towards - this isn't therapy. I'm sorry."
Leslie waves it off. "Not at all. As I said, we're all here to support you. Even if it's a shoulder to cry on. Shall I leave you both to settle in and start unpacking?"
Kenna nods, standing up. "Yeah. Thank you, Leslie."
"No problem at all, Kenna." Before she leaves, Leslie stops by the door. "Quick thing. Consent. There will be a form you can sign if you wish for your partner, family members or other professionals to share your information with us and vice versa should any questions arise. It will probably help on your recovery even after you leave the MBU."
"Oh, yeah. I'll sign it. If I don't, my father and partner will freak out. I don't mind, I trust them," Kenna replies.
Leslie smiles, waving at an awake Perrine before she leaves, closing the door behind her.
Looking down at her daughter's wide eyes, Kenna whispers, "I guess this is home for a while..."
...
Treatment is started almost immediately and that almost throws Kenna off. She sits in front of her psychologist in silence, watching the clock tick by.
The perinatal psychologist doesn't say anything, she hasn't since the session started forty-five minutes ago. As she spoke then, Kenna didn't bother replying.
She didn't even have the answers so she figured staying silent was better than pulling bullshit out of thin air.
The remaining time flows by and Kenna stands and says, "Good chat."
"Kenna, we have these sessions to help you. In your own time," her psychologist, Zara tells her.
Kenna swallows deeply and nods. "Hmm-hmm," she hums.
"You have an appointment with your child psychologist in fifteen minutes. Why don't you find something to eat so you can take your supplements?" Zara suggests. "We'll return to this tomorrow at the same time where we'll draw up a care plan."
"Great," Kenna mumbles, leaving.
She wraps her arms around her waist as she wonders around the unit, spying on women and their children during group activities. She's met a few mums yesterday, but she wasn't up for any more socialising other than introductions.
Heading to her room, she sees Leslie pulling funny faces at Perrine who stares on in shock and wonder. Kenna frowns, she wasn't even able to make the baby smile - not like Bash or Adrien were able to.
"How was your first session?" Leslie asks, handing Perrine over to Kenna.
Like the ones that I went to four times a week. Utter silence, I even caught some forty winks, Kenna thinks.
"It was okay," she says out loud. "Same time tomorrow - we'll do up a care plan."
Leslie nods. "That's good. Baby steps. I'll leave you both be. You have my pager by your bed if you need me."
When she leaves, Kenna immediately places Perrine into the crib and gets into the bed, pulling the duvet over her head.
She yawns, just curling into a ball on the mattress. Tears leak from her eyes when she realises that it's five more days until Bash's visit with Adrien. She misses them terribly and she regrets being a shitty mother to her son. She even ruined his birthday.
She takes shaky breaths to control her breathing, but it doesn't help. She gets a lot of these lately. At night when she's alone with her thoughts and worries and fears and whatever dark shit that flows through her mind.
She curses herself, pulls the duvet off her body and gets out of bed. Fixing her face, she heads over to Perrine and picks her up against her chest.
"Let's go to this boring meeting, shall we?"
Martina Martineau is her child psychologist. A lovely and friendly woman with raven locks just like Mary's. Her eyes are grey and sharp and she greets Kenna with a warm smile.
"I'm here to keep an eye on Perrine's development. She looks very healthy, you're doing a great job!" Martina tells her. "As well as seeing over Perrine's development, I also help you bond with your baby. I've been told you've been experiencing some difficulties with Perrine."
Kenna looks her up and down and nods. "Yep."
"Do you want to expand on that?"
"Nope."
"Okay," Martina breathes out. "Well, this is only a thirty-minute session as we don't want to overwhelm you."
Kenna sighs when Perrine starts to cry. She tests the waters, checking to see what was wrong with her. She was fed and burped before her first therapy session, her nappy had been changed by Leslie...
Making noises of displeasure, she tries soothing her daughter, placing her against her shoulder and rubbing her back. She sings something in French, something Diane taught her.
It seems to do the trick, but at the last minute just as Kenna is about to put her down, Perrine cries even louder.
"She's not normally..." Kenna mutters to herself, but Martina hears clearly.
"Have you checked-"
"You've seen me check everything. She's also been fed and she doesn't do the face she makes when she's hungry," Kenna snaps. "I apologise."
Martina waves it off. "That's fine. Would you like me to examine her? Has she been examined?"
"Examined for what?" Kenna asks her. "Do you think I'd hurt my own baby?"
Martina shakes her head. "No, I don't think you'd hurt your own baby. We've held conversations with a few family members... One said that you said and I quote 'having a baby destroying your life'." She clears her throat. "I took out the strong words of choice, of course. I just think it will help if I check her over, don't you?"
Kenna slowly nods, accepting Martina's offer. She keeps close as the woman checks her baby over.
"Just a slight fever," Martina says, checking the thermometer. "I'll cut today's session so you can have her attended to."
"F-Fever?"
"Nothing to worry about," Martina assures her. "Might be the surrounding temperature. A fever is common, it shows that Perrine's immune system is working as it should."
Kenna's eyes widen. "Does that mean she has an infection? It's my fault, oh God. I haven't been watching her properly."
Tears spring to her eyes and she turns away from them, trying to stop them from falling.
"Kenna?"
"I can't do this. I can't..."
Martina picks Perrine up and goes to stand in front of Kenna. "Who does Perrine look like? I'm just curious."
Kenna frowns. "When she was born, she looked like me. Now, she's looking more and more like her father. They have the same eyes, just like my son's and they're beautiful..." Kenna says through her tears. "My partner, he's so handsome and we were bound to make just as gorgeous babies."
Martina smiles brightly. "Would you like to stare into them?"
"I do that a lot already," Kenna says dismissively as she goes to sit down.
"She's stopped crying," Martina tells her. "Maybe, it wasn't a fever as I thought. Maybe, she was just unsettled over something else."
"What?" Kenna asks in confusion. "Were you tricking me?"
"No," Martina says. "It's not so easy to identify a fever in a young baby. I did, however, remind myself of the normal temperature for a baby her age."
Kenna is stunned. "Why did you say that?"
"I didn't say anything. I just assumed Perrine's sudden behaviour was down to a slight fever. You responded well, though."
"Are you allowed to do that?" Kenna asks her angrily. "Can I have my baby now?"
Martina hands her over and stands back as Kenna gets to her feet and leaves. Sighing, the child psychologist bites her lip in thought.
...
When the arrow lands through the bullseye, Adrien turns around to face everyone.
"Did I do it?" He asks his father and uncle as his cousins stare on in shock. "DId I do it right?"
"Right?" Bash repeats. "Adrien, you got the arrow through the red target on your first try."
Adrien grins, bowing. "Can you take pictures for Mama?"
Slipping his phone out and pressing the camera button, Bash snaps a few pictures and wonders why he didn't film it in the first place.
"Well done, Little Man!" Bash tells him. "Let James have a try."
As Francis instructs his son, Bash takes Adrien over to the bench. The two of them watch as James shoots his arrow near the edge of the target board.
"Well done, Jamie!" Adrien calls out, clapping.
James scowls, crossing his arms as he switches places with John. John manages to get the arrow near the red target much to his younger brother's displeasure.
"I taught you well," Bash says under his breath to Adrien. "You're just like me and your mum. We can't get enough of the outdoors."
"What was Mama like?" Adrien asks curiously. "She's very... different now."
Bash nods sadly. "I know what you mean. She wasn't always different though. We used to go hiking before you were born. We'd travel a fair bit too."
"Where have you been with Mama?"
"All over the world. We've been to Australia for your Aunt Elisabeth's wedding," Bash starts. "Singapore for your Aunt Margaret's wedding... Huh, we only seem to travel when it's a special occasion."
"You've never been on holiday? What about when we went to see Mickey Mouse?"
Bash chuckles. "You remember that? You were three."
Adrien replies with a shrug. "Mama showed me pictures. So, what was Mama like?"
"Mama was very adventurous. She wasn't scared to try new things," Bash tells his son. "She smiled a lot, even when she was sad. She never gave up."
"When is she coming home?"
"I don't know, Adrien," Bash replies sadly. "When she's ready, I guess?"
"Did I make her go? I promise to eat my breakfast and peas if she'll come home," Adrien promises. "I will be a good boy. I won't ask her to carry me anymore. I will not act like a baby - we have a new baby. I'll be a big boy, I'll do everything myself and-"
Bash lifts him up and onto his lap, hugging him tightly as the child starts to cry and clutch at his father's shirt. It gains Francis's attention and he swiftly takes his sons over to the lake nearby to dip their feet in and try and see the fish.
"It's my fault," Adrien says against his father's chest. "You and Mama didn't want to be together anymore because of me and we left France for England. I know it upset you, Papa. I'm sorry."
"Adrien, can you look at me please, mon chéri?" Bash asks him softly.
Adrien shyly looks up and cups his father's cheek. "What?" He pouts.
"Mama just needs some rest. It's nothing to do with you - nothing is your fault. Mama and I didn't want to be together anymore because we were really unhappy and it was hard," Bash tells him. "When you stop being friends with someone you love and you barely see them, it can hurt your relationship."
"Are you together now though? For good?" Adrien asks, sniffling.
Bash nods. "Yeah, we are. But we don't want to live together anymore. At least, not now."
"Why not? All my friends have their mamas and papas living together!" Adrien cries out. "Why can't I have the same?"
"We're not ready, baby," Bash replies, brushing Adrien's hair from his eyes so he can see them. "Mama and I are fixing our relationship again. I'm sorry you're hurt about all of this."
Adrien looks away, placing his head back onto Bash's chest. "Do you and Mama still love me? Perrine gets all the attention, you barely play with me..." He whines sadly.
"Adi, Mummy and I love you to the moon, back and-"
"Around again. Two more times, Papa," Adrien finishes for him with a soft sigh.
"We love you so much, we'll never stop loving you. Even when we're apart from each other, you will always be in our hearts and on our minds," Bash says, placing a kiss on his forehead. "As for spending time with you, I'm working on that. And so is Mama."
Adrien tightens his grip on Bash. "Really?"
"Really. I know I haven't been a good daddy, Adrien and I'm sorry. None of this is because of you. Both Mama and I made mistakes, big mistakes and you and your sister were caught in the middle. You never deserved all of this and I'm so sorry, Little Man," Bash says. "What if you talked to somebody about everything you're feeling right now?"
Adrien frowns. "Like who?"
"Someone who listens to people's problems and helps them to solve them," Bash replies. "Like what Mama is doing? Someone is helping her solve her problems."
"Will they tell me off?" Adrien asks worriedly.
"No, Adrien. No one will tell you off," Bash tells him. "I'll be there if you want and so will Mama."
Adrien slowly nods. "Okay," he replies, wiping his tears. "Can I go play in the water now?"
"Okay, stay close to Uncle Francis though," Bash says, kissing his head before the boy gets off his lap and heads towards Francis and the boys.
Realising that his phone is still in his hand, Bash unlocks it and sees his wallpaper. Francis had taken the picture of him with Perrine in his arms, Kenna and Adrien as Adrien blew out his candles.
Staring intently at Kenna, he sees the light in her eyes as she watches Adrien. Although their little boy may have not been made out of love like his sister kind of was, they both love him very dearly and no matter what happens, Adrien and Perrine will always come first.
...
"I don't like Martina," Kenna tells Leslie that night as she gets ready for bed.
Leslie raises her eyebrows, balancing Perrine in one arm as her other hand helps Kenna put a shirt on.
"Do you need anything?" Leslie asks her, deciding not to dive into Kenna's reasons against Martina.
Kenna nods, wincing. "Paracetamol or ibuprofen."
"I'll see that for you. Do you want to say 'goodnight' to Perrine as I get that for you?"
Kenna sighs, taking Perrine from Leslie before the woman disappears out her door. Planting a kiss on Perrine's head, Kenna quickly puts the child into the crib and continues to get ready.
She finds herself playing with her wedding ring as she just paces the room. She feels alone even though she's surrounded by many people. Even though her daughter lies not that far from her.
Kenna stops when she hears soft whimpers coming from her daughter. She heads over to the crib and watches as Perrine makes her 'about to cry' face. Normally, if babies made that face, Kenna would be laughing and doing everything to stop the wails.
Now? Now, she just watches her daughter kicking her feet and arms in slight distress.
The baby isn't in any danger, she just wants to be held by someone. Ever since she was born, she was in the comfort of people's arms and when she nodded off, they'd put her down.
"What person would you be, Perrine?" Kenna asks quietly. "I hope to God, not like me or your father... We may have redeeming features, but you and your brother are so innocent."
Turning around, she sits on her bed and waits for Leslie to return. By then, her daughter's whimpers have ceased and she's relieved.
As Leslie returns, Kenna almost launches herself at her. She takes the medication and swallows them with the water Leslie hands her.
"I've set up a group meeting with some of the other mothers with their babies. You can take Perrine and get to know them. You're all going through the same situation, and you can talk about anything and everything," Leslie tells her. "Zara and Katie will tell you more tomorrow morning. Zara will have your itinerary for the day too."
"Thank you. Goodnight, Leslie," Kenna says, watching the woman take Perrine from the crib and head over to the door. "You have the pumped milk, right?"
"Yep," Leslie replies, giving her a small smile.
"And her teddy? My partner got that for her, she can't sleep without that," Kenna says to her, getting up to collect the grey teddy.
Leslie takes the teddy. "Can't believe I almost forgot that. Lucky you remembered!"
Kenna nods. "And her blanket?" She asks, seeing that her daughter is already wrapped in the blanket Diane made for her. "Oh, she has that."
"Do you want a little bit longer? It's only ten to eleven," Leslie suggests. "I don't mind."
Kenna shakes her head, crossing her arms so no one passes her daughter onto her.
"Goodnight, Leslie," she replies.
"Okay," Leslie whispers, finally leaving.
Later, Kenna stays up, staring at the ceiling. Her mind doesn't quieten and she digs her nails into her palms.
Has she been fed? What about Adrien... It's his holidays, now. We promised to take him to Disney World, she thinks. He probably hates me...
She turns, burrowing her face into the pillow as tears leak from her eyes. That night, she cries herself to sleep.
...
Five days later on Sunday, Bash bites his lips when the cab stops in front of the Beatons' gates. He quickly pays the driver and gets out of the cab, helping Adrien out too and getting their belongings.
"I'll take my Spiderman bag, thank you!" Adrien tells him, grabbing his backpack and putting it on his back. He waves at the driver, making the man smile brightly before he drives off.
Bash chuckles, pressing the buzzer on the intercom.
"Beaton residence," Alexander's voice calls out in an overly posh 'French' accent.
"I'm insulted, Alexander," Bash replies, grinning a little. "Can you let us in?"
"I'll let my nephew in and you can stay out there since you were insulted," Alexander replies just as the gates start to open. "Come on in then."
It takes a while to walk up the driveway as Adrien's legs are little and he is defiant in not being treated like a baby. It makes Bash amused as the boy starts to pant heavily when they reach the open front doors.
"Want some water, kiddo?" Douglas asks him, coming out to greet them.
Adrien nods. "Yes, please!"
He accepts the bottle and drinks from it desperately as they enter the cool house.
"We have the air conditioning on," Douglas explains, closing the doors behind them. "Are you ready to see Kenna?"
As Adrien runs off to greet his Aunt Paisley and Uncle Lockie, Bash turns to Douglas and says, "I don't know."
"How come?"
"It's Adrien. It's hard on him and I've got to be strong for him. I wasn't even sure I wanted him to see her in this state," Bash replies as they head into the kitchen where Alexander is with their parents. "Hi."
Joanna is the first to look up and smile. "Hi, Sebastian. How was the train ride?"
"It was good. We left quite early so Adrien might want a nap soon," he tells them. "Have you seen Kenna since...?"
"No," Robert replies. "She more or less kicked us out. We've been speaking on the phone a little."
Bash nods and takes a seat at the table, accepting a drink from Alexander. He sips it and places the cup down, clearing his throat.
"How does she seem?" He asks.
Joanna shrugs. "Alright. She's met other mothers and their babies. She's attending her sessions. I'm sure she'll tell you more about it when you see her."
"Maybe, I'll stay and one of you should go," Bash says. "I wouldn't want to do anything to affect her progress."
Robert turns to him in surprise. "Bash, they have family therapy. I think it would be best if you both went."
"A few days ago, my brother and I took the boys out to some piece of wildlife land Mary's brother owns," Bash starts. "All my son could think about as we spent time with my brother and his sons was if his mother loved him or not and if she left because of him."
"Exactly. More of a reason to go," Alex says gently. "You need this just as much as Kenna and Adrien do."
"You won't regret it," Douglas tells him. "After all, every little helps."
"Okay," Bash says, nodding. "I'll go."
"Good lad," Robert praises him. "Now, let's get some food down you and Adrien before you go."
...
"How are you feeling today, Kenna? I hear your partner and son are coming to visit you," Leslie asks, entering after Kenna tells her to.
Kenna pauses, finishing feeding Perrine and doing her bra and top. "Anxious," she mumbles. "Scared. I-I don't want my son to see me like this, he's already scared of me."
"I'm sure that isn't true," Leslie says optimistically. "I'll take you the quiet room so you can spend time as a family. Would you mind if the family therapist observes?"
"Y-Yeah, sure. Might be a bit uncomfortable for Adrien, he's shy," Kenna informs her, getting up from the bed. "Can they give us ten minutes first? It's been a while since I saw them and..."
Leslie gives her a nod. "Of course. Martina or Zara might stop in to make sure you're okay."
"Okay," Kenna replies quietly, following her to the quiet room.
It's quite big, three sofas and two armchairs in a deep wine purple colour. The walls are red, almost burgundy and soothing. There are toys in the corner as well as drawing and painting tools.
A crib is also there and Kenna settles Perrine in it as the baby starts to nod off. She turns to Leslie with a grateful smile.
"Thank you, Leslie. I know I've been off, but you put up with me. Everyone seems to just grin and bear it around me, at least you're kind of honest," she tells the woman.
Leslie laughs. "I am honest when it comes to mothers and their babies. They need to recover for all sorts of reasons. Tell me, Kenna, what are you working towards?"
Kenna believes she's not really working towards anything at the moment. That's she's been stubborn and quiet, but she has a goal.
"My partner and I are getting remarried," she says.
"Remarried?" Leslie repeats.
Kenna nods. "We used to be married and a lot of things happened, resulting in us separating and eventual divorce. Before we split, we conceived Perrine. We were apart, but we got back together."
"Was she the reason you got back together?"
Kenna shrugs. "A little. We love each other, our marriage wasn't the best of marriages, Leslie. I can't go into it, you'd need to watch five ten-hour movies."
Leslie laughs, nodding. "Okay. So, you're getting remarried. Personal choice or what?"
"We're trying. We're going to make an effort. I mean, I was really young when I met him and fell in love with him. We both knew we would be endgame material, no matter who we were with after we met," Kenna tells her, blushing. "We're making steps, baby steps towards being happy and honest and complete with each other."
"That's good. A really good goal," Leslie says. "I'll leave you now."
As Kenna waits, she heads to the little kitchen area and makes two cups of tea. She prepares the first one to Bash's liking and then hers with milk and two sugars. She even makes some orange juice for Adrien.
Adrien.
She's excited to see him. It feels like forever and it kills her every time they're apart. Her darling boy.
The idea of Adrien brings a smile to her face until she hears a familiar cry. Sighing, she leaves the kitchenette and brings Perrine to her chest, shushing her and humming a French song.
"That's it... Shh," she says after Perrine's cries die down.
The door opens and Leslie gives her a wide smile, letting Adrien and Bash inside. She turns to Kenna.
"If you need me, you have my pager. I'm sure you'll be fine," Leslie tells her. "As promised, you have ten minutes, but I managed to get you five extra minutes."
Kenna's eyes meet Bash's as she nods. "Thanks, Leslie."
"No worries," Leslie replies, leaving and closing the door behind her.
"Hi," Kenna says, lifting an arm so Adrien could hug her legs. She places a loving hand on his head. "Hey, my petit fleur!"
Adrien squeezes her legs happily. "Hi, Mama. Hi Perrine!"
Kneeling so she could see his face, she asks, "Do you want to paint something for Perrine?"
He nods. "Yes, please."
"Okay, in that corner, everything is set up. Mama and Papa need to talk for a bit, okay?" She tells him, kissing his head.
"Okay," he replies, grinning as he runs off to the activity table.
She stands, turning to Bash. "I've made us some tea."
He doesn't say anything, just goes to the kitchenette and picks up his tea, taking a desperate sip from it.
Joining him, she rocks Perrine in her arms. "How have you been, Bash?"
"I should be asking you that," he replies, strained.
"Can you look at me?" She asks softly, running a hand through his hair. When he does, she smiles a little. "I've missed you, mon amour."
He brings her hand to his lips. "I've missed you, too. I... I'm finding it hard, Kenna. I'm seeing someone too and Adrien's upset all the time."
"I know, I'm sorry," Kenna tells him with a soft sigh. "This is all my fault. You were already not doing too good and now... I've gone and made myself ill."
"You didn't make yourself ill, Kenna," he replies. "It wasn't your fault."
"It is," Kenna whispers. "Have you looked into our son's eyes? I saw them and all I could read is that he needed me home. I've hurt our son ever since we separated the first time."
"If you have any fault, then I have fault too," Bash says. "I was the one being unreasonable. I mean, our kid was still in school. How could I do that?"
She kisses him, sighing when he responds just as eagerly. Tears stream down her cheeks and she pulls away, handing their daughter to him.
She smiles when she watches him kiss Perrine's head and whisper to her in French. Although she understands his words, she lets him have that moment before two people will observe them.
"How's your therapy going?" He asks her.
Her smile disappears. "Yeah, it's alright. Good days and bad, you know?"
Mostly bad.
"Kenna," Bash says in a disappointing tone. "I know what that means, your smile even left your face. Have you been speaking to them?"
"No," she admits quietly. "I don't know how to, the words don't come out at all."
Bash squeezes her hand. "Okay, I'll admit, I was the same too. On the fourth day, the guy had me singing like a canary."
"Bash, I never like therapy. Probably should have because they put me on drugs, for God's sake," she replies. "I just... I feel like they're judging me, alright?"
"For what?"
She shrugs shyly. "I don't know. I can't sleep, I can't shut off at all. I'm eating now, they're getting me to though. I'm going to try the gym next week. I'll probably hang out with some of the mothers, but I can't talk. I hear so many stories and I can't be arsed to even join in or react."
"What will help, Kenna?"
"You, maybe? You can make me sing like a canary," she says lightly. "I have a session after this."
"I'll be there," he replies, kissing her. "What about Adrien?"
"Leslie will take care of him. The session lasts an hour," she tells him.
He smiles when Perrine wakes up and yawns, her eyes staring up at him in recognition.
"Hello, Princess," he says. "She's grown a lot."
Kenna chuckles softly. "Yeah, she's still hungry as a caterpillar. I've got her on the bottle. I kind of sleep alone and have Leslie tend to her during the nights."
"You do need all the rest you can get," Bash agrees. "Have you bonded?"
"I don't know," she says, wincing as she says that. She says that a lot. "I mean, I love her, I do. It's difficult."
"Okay, let's leave it at that," he tells her. "Shall we sit down?"
She nods, taking their teas and placing it on the coffee table as he sits down on one of the sofas. She invites Adrien to join them for the last seven minutes of their private time.
"This Christmas, where do you want to go, Adrien?" Kenna asks her son, kissing his head. "Anywhere you want."
Adrien looks up at his parents, looking between them with a cheeky grin on his face. "I want to see Mickey Mouse again!"
"Okay," Bash says. "We can go to Florida. I'll sort out Perrine's passport."
"That's a plan!" Kenna grins.
After their private time is over, they continue as they were and sometimes, Adrien would be questioned by Martina who studies both Bash and Kenna tending to Perrine as they change her nappy, feed her, burp her and the like.
The family therapist even gets involved after thirty minutes of observing the family. She talks to Adrien for forty minutes, his parents are surprised by his eloquent replies and patience. He'd normally be running off to do something else rather than sit down for a long period of time.
When he's done, he's crying and he immediately goes to Kenna, snuggling into her side. Her heart breaks as she whispers comforting words into his ear.
"I love you so much, baby," she whispers. "None of this is your fault or your sister's." She turns to Bash, mouthing, "Every day?"
"Yeah," he replies, confirming that Adrien's fears arise every day. He and Francis had even sat down and spoken for a while before the blonde checked on his nephew to make sure he was alright.
"Do you want to return to your painting?" Kenna asks him, kissing his cheeks.
He sniffles, wiping his nose and tears. "Yes, please." He says something under his breath in French and it makes her smile.
"I love you too, baby boy," she replies, watching as he heads off.
She holds a normal conversation with Bash, asking how their holiday is going so far. She learns that they went to do archery and swam in the lake of some estate building James 'Jim' Stuart owned a few hours drive away from home.
After five hours of spending time with her family, Kenna feels more optimistic. She still feels nervous, anxious and unhappy, but as Alexander arrives to pick up Adrien for Bash, a smile graces her lips.
"Thanks for coming to take him. He was falling asleep, poor boy."
"Well, the train journey took ages," Alex replies, kissing his sister's cheek. "I'm going back to work in two days. I'll try and stop by tomorrow."
Kenna waves it off. "Take your time. I'll be fine."
Alexander nods, patting Bash's back and leaving with Adrien on his hip after his parents bid him 'goodbye'.
Perrine is taken off their hands by Leslie and the two of them make their way to Zara's room.
At the door, Kenna stops Bash with, "I literally stay silent for these sessions. She says when I'm ready, but I might be with you there."
"I'm not pushing you to do anything you don't want to, you do know that?" Bash asks her, cupping her cheek. "I'm here for you. If you want me to speak, I'll speak. If you want me to shut up, I'll be silent as a mouse. If you want me to stop breathing-"
"Okay, I get it," she says, chuckling softly. "Are you ready?"
"Are you?" He retorts.
"I don't know," she whispers.
Bash nods. "That's fine. As I said, this is all on your terms."
Bringing him in for a kiss, she tries to bring him closer, but the door opens and she springs apart from him.
Zara stands there in slight surprise before stepping aside to let them through. She gives them a bright smile when they sit together.
"I'm sorry, I couldn't observe you today," she tells Kenna. "Martina passed on everything to me that she felt was necessary with your permission, of course."
"Yeah," Kenna says quietly.
Zara nods in affirmation. "Would you like to introduce us?"
Kenna clears her throat and says, "Sebastian, this is Dr Zara Ripley, my perinatal psychiatrist. Zara this is my fiancé and father of my children, Bash."
Bash shakes her hand and leans back into his seat, watching as Zara turns to Kenna once again.
"Right, the timer has started," Zara announces, starting her watch. "What are we focusing on today?"