Chapter Twenty One
The moment Naina had found the note in her room she had opened it curiously, wondering what was contained in it. She had recognised the handwriting immediately, knowing it was him who had written it.
Her heart had skipped a beat as she imagined what he might have written to her, and then, as she read the lines contained in the letter… stopped entirely.
No…
No, this was not happening…
The sudden rush of fear had paralysed her, she had wanted to scream but no sound would come out of her mouth.
He had written that he would be meeting the Boss, that he was going to try to get the red box and that if he was not back in an hour, she should bring reinforcements to the location.
And the last line he had written, 'I will come back when I have proven myself', had filled her with a dread that she couldn't explain.
Suddenly released from her paralysis she had run, screaming for Aalekh, run, hoping that it wasn't too late, that they would be in time…
She had run…
But not fast enough.
/
Asha woke with a sense of foreboding, the same feeling that she had had for the past three days ever since they had received the news about Bangladesh being invaded. Everyday there was worse news about losses of territory as Bangladesh's army was pushed further and further back.
Ministers and Generals were in Delhi for talks, even Brigadier Chauhan had flown out to join them, and a decision was finally expected today.
Asha wasn't sure what it was that she hoped the decision was, that they would join the war or stay out of it. On one hand she was worried about their forces becoming entangled in a battle when they were needed to protect the borders here, and on the other hand she didn't want to abandon a neighbouring country, leaving it to its fate.
Their countries may have been separated long ago, but they spoke the same language as she and Amiya did… had some of the same customs. She couldn't help but feel as if in some way it was her own people who had been invaded and were currently under occupation.
She knew that Amiya felt the same way because her friend had been uncharacteristically quiet the past three days, waiting for any news, waiting to find out what the outcome would be and what their own army would do.
Today, Brigadier Chauhan was finally due back from the talks in Delhi. Today, they would find out what fate had in store for all of them.
/
As Aalekh stood to attention to welcome Abhimanyu back, he noticed that the older man looked more tired than he had seen him in a long time, conflicted, as if there was a battle going on inside of him. Aalekh couldn't ask him while they were surrounded by the other officers so he waited as Abhimanyu announced a meeting to be held in an hour's time and then followed him to his office, taking a seat in front of the desk and waiting for his friend to speak.
Abhimanyu put his head in his hands briefly, sighed and then looked up.
"We will be sending a force," he finally tells Aalekh, "There are two battalions currently ready to be sent who are not posted in potentially sensitive areas, they'll be leaving tomorrow. A third and possibly fourth battalion will also be sent when they're able to be mobilised. We won't be moved from Tawang, the situation here is still far too tense, and they're worried that the invasion might be a technique to make us drop our guard."
Aalekh nods, "But this is good news, isn't it?" he asks, wondering why it is that Abhimanyu looks so tense.
"It is…" Abhimanyu tells him, "For the people of Bangladesh at least… the problem is that the battalions which are currently prepared for deployment are non-Bangla speaking ones, and they need translators, translators who would be trained for battle situations, even able to fight alongside."
"And how does this affect us?" Aalekh asks, beginning to frown because if Abhimanyu is focusing on this detail so much…
"We have quite a few Bengalis in our battalion here." Abhimanyu tells him, "They've all been called up temporarily due to our closeness to the border and their battle readiness. Once proper translators are found and trained, they will return to us."
Aalekh pales, finally understanding why it is that Abhimanyu looks so tense. "And we have no choice in this?" he asks, "We have to send them?"
"Yes, we have to," Abhi replies with a look of frustration, "How can I refuse? What can I possibly tell them?"
What could he possibly tell them?
That he was scared to send Asha Dutt away from where she was meant to be, scared about what might happen.
There was nothing he could do now.
Except follow orders.
/
Hussein takes tentative steps outside aided by Asha and Amiya, who take him to sit in the sun. He's finally been discharged from the medical wing, but isn't allowed to resume active duties yet, he's been ordered to rest instead and regain his strength.
They've just settled him onto a bench, sitting down beside him when they see Dhiraj and Samir approaching from a distance, talking seriously. Hussein raises a hand in greeting and they both nod, heading towards the three.
"You're looking much better today, Hussein." Dhiraj tells him, "You'll be back on active duty in no time at all."
"I hope so, Sir." Hussein tells them, "It's driving me crazy not to be able to do anything except rest."
"Look at all the thanks we get," Amiya says with a raised eyebrow, "Ever since you woke up we've been trying our best to keep you distracted, and now you say you've been driven crazy."
She tries her best to look annoyed while really hiding a smile.
"You know that wasn't what I meant…" Hussein starts to say, and then gives up, realising that she's actually joking. "Where are you headed Sirs?" he asks them, "We heard there was going to be a meeting now that Brigadier Chauhan is back."
"There is," Dhiraj replies, "We're on our way to it right now." His eyes pass briefly over Asha as she looks up at him, a quietly considering look on her face. "As long as it's not confidential we'll tell you the news after the meeting is finished."
They all nod, and the two Captains head off, neither aware of what it is that they're actually about to hear.
/
The moment that Abhimanyu tells them about the orders from above, he watches for Dhiraj's reaction.
Dhiraj's face drains of colour as he realises immediately what this means, that she is about to be separated from him, sent into unknown dangers, alone except for Amiya. He fights to control his emotions, fights to control the fear inside him, he wants to protest this, protest that they can't send her away from him, can't…
He is almost about to raise his hand to say something when Samir grabs it, stopping him. "You can't make a scene, Dhiraj." He hisses at him, "I know how you're feeling right now but this isn't their decision, it's come from above."
Dhiraj notices that his friend looks equally as tense, his face pale. He tries to control his breathing, tries to calm down, Samir is right, he can't make a scene about this, no matter how he feels. He's a soldier first and foremost as is she and he can't question the commands of his superiors, he must only follow them.
Even if they're responsible for taking her away from him.
/
Asha, Amiya and Hussein are still sitting in the sunshine, chatting about the latest letter that Hussein has received from Naina, when they see Dhiraj and Samir once again approaching in the distance.
The two of them stop some distance away, arguing about something, and Samir grabs Dhiraj's shoulders as if to calm him down. It is several minutes later that they finish their discussion, finally moving towards Asha, Amiya and Hussein as the three of them glance at each other, confused by what is going on.
Dhiraj looks at Asha with such a haunted expression that her breath is nearly taken away. It is as if he is trying to reassure himself of something, and yet there is a fear in his eyes…
A fear that she recognises only too well.
She realises at that moment that he is scared of losing her.
And she has no idea why.
"You've been called to see Brigadier Chauhan," Samir tells them, and as Hussein starts to get up as well he corrects himself, "I mean that Asha and Amiya have been called to see Brigadier Chauhan."
"Why only them?" Hussein asks, sounding confused. "Is something wrong?"
"You'll find out soon enough," Samir responds, sounding slightly upset, "For the moment it's better if Brigadier Chauhan explains everything, he wants to see you both immediately."
Nodding, they both walk off, Asha glancing back in Dhiraj's direction as he stands with his arms crossed in front of him, breathing hard.
"Sirs, just tell me what's going on please?" Hussein asks them both, suddenly feeling very worried about this.
"They're both going to Bangladesh…" Samir tells him, "Along with all other Bangla speakers in our unit."
Unable to control himself for any longer, Dhiraj turns and walks away towards their quarters without a single word.
/
The moment that they had found out, standing there with Vijay, Akash and the others, Asha had suddenly understood… understood the look on Dhiraj's face as he stared at her, the anguish in his eyes.
They would be leaving… the very next day. There was almost no time left… and she and Amiya would be away from everybody they were close to, everybody familiar.
Now they sat in the canteen with Hussein who still looked slightly shocked, as if unable to believe that this had really happened.
"They can't do this…" he says, "Can't send you away like this, away from all of us. I can't even go with you…"
"No you certainly can't," Amiya tells him, "Not in this state anyway. But don't you wish you'd paid more attention when I kept trying to teach you Bangla? Now the two of us are going off to war and you're going to be stuck here."
She tries to sound cheerful, but really there's a sinking feeling in her gut that has been there ever since she heard the news. Along with their unit and their friends, she had been ready to face any enemy, but now to be incorporated into an entirely new battalion, to leave their friends behind…
"But you'll be completely alone there," Hussein protests, "You won't know anybody there and…"
"Hussein we're going for war, not a school excursion," Asha tells him, "We don't need to know anybody, and you're forgetting Vijay and Akash will both be going too, we've known them for even longer than we've known you."
She glances around the canteen again after saying this, looking for him. Because she hasn't been able to see him from the moment they came back from the meeting, has no idea where he is, how he's feeling…
She notices Samir walk in and glances behind him hopefully, waiting… but Dhiraj doesn't appear.
As Samir takes a seat beside Amiya, Asha looks at him questioningly. "Where's Captain Dhiraj?" she asks him, a slight frown on her face. Now, when she has only this night left… won't he at least come to sit with her? To bid her farewell?
"Dhiraj didn't feel like eating tonight." Samir answers glumly, "He's in our room."
Asha tries to wait, tries to be subtle, but as the entire table looks at her expectantly she realises that there's no point. She pushes her plate away and then stands abruptly.
"I'll just…" she starts to say, and then looking at them all realises that there's really no point in trying to make any type of excuse.
As Asha leaves, Samir glances first at Hussein and then at Amiya who is pushing her food around her plate.
"How are you feeling about tomorrow?" he asks her quietly, "Are you nervous?"
"This is what we trained for…" Amiya tells him, "We always knew this day would come. I think if anything, it's being separated from our friends that we're both most upset about, but in war, you can't choose who fights by your side."
"I'll…" Samir says, before correcting himself, "We'll miss you. Both of you." He corrects himself again, leaving Hussein to pretend that he hasn't noticed anything.
"We'll miss you too." Amiya says, suddenly becoming quite emotional. "But you know, you can call us… or write to us… we'll be waiting to hear from… all of you."
They stare at each other for a minute, and Hussein resists the urge to sigh, because nothing is going to be said or done with both of them continuing to act like this.
Amiya had been right.
Way too 'bhadro'.
/
"I told you that I don't want to…" Dhiraj wrenched the door open on hearing the soft knock, expecting that Samir has come back to ask him once again to come to the canteen and eat something.
Instead he sees her standing there, a question in her eyes and he wonders how it is that he didn't realise that she would come.
It wasn't that he hadn't wanted to see her, ached to see her, to memorise her face before she left, to hold her, to…
The problem had been that he had been afraid if he saw her he wouldn't be able to control his emotions for any longer, and out of fear of losing her he might….
Not saying a word he steps aside to let her in, closing the door firmly behind her.
"You didn't come for dinner." She tells him, an air of expectance around her, "I had thought that before I left…"
"I don't…" he whispers, before stopping and sighing. He reaches out, takes her hands in his, holding them tightly, "I don't want you to go." He finally says.
"I don't want to either," Asha whispers back, "But you know that it's my duty, and no matter what, duty must always come first."
"Yes," he agrees with her, "Duty must always come first, but that doesn't mean that I can stand to see you leave, that I can be happy about it."
His honesty shocks her, after how long they've both spent trying to keep their feelings under control. She had never expected him to say this, to admit exactly how he felt about it.
"Of course not," she tells him, wanting to reassure him, wanting to make certain that he at least feels better before she leaves. "But we'll be back before you know it, as soon as they have the new translators trained, and then…"
She is cut off from her next sentence because before she can speak, Dhiraj has moved forward, so quickly that she is shocked. He brings both his hands up to cup her face, staring into her eyes intently.
"Asha, I can't lose you," he tells her, a naked type of desperation in his eyes, "I can't… if I did…"
"You won't," she promises him, bringing her own hands up to cover his, "You'll never lose me…"
Before she can say anything else, he leans down to kiss her, pressing his lips to hers with such force and desperation that for a moment she is shocked, unable to respond. Then as he moves his hands to tangle one in her hair, the other to her waist, bringing her closer to him, she wakes from her daze to realise that yes, he is kissing her, kissing her as if to imprint himself on her, or her on him.
Asha isn't sure which it is, but the thought of leaving him… being without him for such a long time… is as if she is about to be separated from a piece of her soul.
Without questioning, she begins to kiss him back, matching both his fervour and desperation, because although neither of them have yet formally said anything about their feelings, she knows… knows what he means to her.
As he devours her mouth, his lips warm and slightly salty against hers, she savours it, because this may be the last opportunity they have to be close for who knows how long.
Her back against the door, her hands now both clutching his shirt tightly, she tries to imprint this kiss into her mind, to memorise the feel of him, his smell, his touch.
Finally, Dhiraj pulls away from her, taking a shaky breath as if to calm himself. He closes his eyes briefly, and then leans his forehead against hers for a moment.
"Come back safely…" he tells her, "Come back to me."
Asha nods once, and unable to help himself he kisses her again, softer, less demanding this time but still with an urgency, a knowledge that they don't have much time. Finally, after what seems like an age, they part again, Asha's heart thumping unsteadily in her chest.
"You should go now," he tells her seriously, "Before I…"
Asha nods silently again, knowing what it is that he means. "Will you come tomorrow, to say goodbye to me?" she asks, and Dhiraj stares at her for a moment.
Then he crushes her to his chest, hugging her tightly with all the force that he can muster. "Yes," he tells her, "I will."
Finally letting her go, he opens the door and Asha steps out, knowing that she can't stay there any longer, that if she does…
He watches her go, unable to take his eyes off her until the last moment.
It's only temporary, he tells himself. She'll be back soon, he knows she will.
But that doesn't make the parting any easier.