Author's Note: Hi lovelies, thanks for the read. There's one point of view change in this one.

Nice reviews are better than chocolate, unless maybe you're licking that chocolate off someone.

Twenty: The Unraveling

We stayed the whole next day and at the end of it, Bella asked if we could spend Tuesday there as well. She wanted to see everything.

It was high tourist season and we fit right in with the laid-back crowds milling about in one place or another. I took her to see the clock tower, Duck Island Pond, and the surfing museum; she took it all in and asked for more. She tugged me along while I continually checked, studied, tuned into the people around me. I watched for ice blondes and I knew what her husband looked like so I watched for him as well. The rest of my focus went into making sure I seemed like myself. Was I holding Bella's hand too tightly? Did I smile and pay attention when she talked? Was she happy?

By the early evening, she could tell there was something off about my behavior. I was checking over my shoulder as we neared my car in the lot. She leaned into my side. "We can leave tonight instead, if you want."

It was the first thing she'd said all day that caught my full attention. "Why do you say that?"

She shrugged. I recognized it as something she did as a qualifier, as if to start her statement with 'I know I'm probably wrong'. "You just look a little on edge."

I should have known she would miss nothing; she was more perceptive than people gave her credit for, myself included. "No," I squeezed her waist and she twitched, ticklish. "Let's stay here tonight." I said it in a way that left no doubt in her eyes. I said it because I wanted her. It was a sudden and desperate thing, a raw and completely let go kind of a need. Abrupt with the realization that this would not last forever, that I could really and truly lose her. That at any moment I could drop her hand in the crowd and we would slip apart, a human rip tide carrying her out to sea. That one day soon might be the last day. So I held on tightly, the only thing I knew how to do.

And Bella felt the literal and anxious pull as I maneuvered my car out of the lot and into the light traffic. I caught her stealing glances and caught myself as well. But I had to remember it all. I told a stupid joke just to hear her laugh. I rolled the windows down enough to see her hair ruffle in the breeze. She smelled like the cooler air coming in off the ocean. I could feel the bones of her wrist under her skin. Still much too thin, but perfect in its fragility. And her hands, long, but tenuous in their strength, much like our hold on this temporary life we were making together. As I drove, I watched for Rosalie.

Bella squeezed my hand.

I wanted to keep her. I wanted to take her and hold her inside myself so we would never be apart. I had come much too far; I couldn't lose her now.

I barely waited for the closing click of the hotel room door before I grabbed her up to make her mine again. Her response was quick and submitting. She let me pull her clothing off fast. I had to see her, had to make sure there was nothing I'd missed. I didn't know under which dirty ground this spring had seeped from, but it flooded my other senses until I let it have control.

She pulled my shirt over my head and let it land in a muffled heap on the floor. Once the rest of my layers were peeled away, I grabbed her; put her into a position I wanted. She gasped and arched for me and I touched her everywhere as I slid inside. Soft. Heat. The delicate sweet smell below her ear. I moved against her hard and fast, feeling the desperation pulling at my consciousness. I held her to me with both arms, changed us so we faced each other. She fell back against the pillows and reached for me the way I reached for her. I love you. I love you. I love you. Please. Don't leave me.

She came apart underneath me and I waited for my own release so I could watch her undoing. Head thrown back, eyes closed; I grazed along her neck until I wasn't able to hold back any longer.

After that, and later still, after we'd eaten and fallen back in bed. That was when I knew it was all over. I wouldn't be able to really clarify that if I tried. It was just some ancient instinct, the knowledge that danger was near, that feeling that you can never quite explain in the moment. Just a feeling. A bad one.

I spent the morning as if waiting for something to explode. Edward was on edge and it was putting me on edge; I wondered what he was looking for and if this was getting to him and if he was ready to turn back. But I was too afraid to ask. So instead I looked where he looked, hoping to see what he searched for and ease his nerves. I was jumpy because though I couldn't admit it, that didn't make it untrue – we were running. I suppose I only knew that intellectually though and most of the time it was easy enough to push away.

But even I could see that the cracks were starting to show and no matter how happy I was, I couldn't ever let myself completely forget. Everything falls apart eventually.

My fear of that was starting to self-fulfill; it fed on itself and grew and I still didn't even know what Edward was looking for when he watched over his shoulder. And as I looked over mine once more, I saw a man with long blonde hair and thrift store clothes, walking with his hands in his pockets; I couldn't see his eyes. It occurred to me then that I couldn't remember the shade of James' eyes or exactly what he smelled like or which side of his mouth turned up higher when he smiled.

A memory came, leaking through the breaks in the dam, trickling ice cold straight through the walls.

Back when James was still alive and we were there, together.

He stopped walking and first sat, then laid back on the grass, freshly green from the spring rain. The sun was high and he closed his eyes against it, opened his arms for me to join him.

I rested at his side, laying an arm over his stomach. The day was quiet and somewhere on the other side of the vineyard a breeze soothed the warming tree limbs. My voice was small, but I made the decision nonetheless. I wanted to have at least some part. "I think this should be the place."

He agreed and we stayed quiet for a while.

"You know I love you, right?"

I nodded and felt his hand rubbing my shoulder. He knew I was frightened. But he also knew I was ready. I wanted to be, anyway.

"And this isn't goodbye." I glanced up and saw that his eyes were still closed. "We'll always be together."

I nodded again.

"Say it."

"We'll always be together."

"And what can I get for you, miss?"

I cleared my throat, looked up at the waitress and remembered that I wasn't in Sonoma anymore. I ordered and handed her the menu, grateful to feel the light wind that kicked up and cleared my head. Behind Edward, a hummingbird looked for nectar among some lavender flowers.

"Are you alright?"

I wanted to ask him the same thing. "Yeah, just tired is all." I leaned forward and grabbed his hand, tethering us to each other.

"Want to head out today?" His thumb rubbed circles on my skin.

I said yes and he looked relieved. I hoped the bad would stay back here when we drove away.

Edward excused himself to use the restroom and I watched the Persian lilac tree, it's branches dipping at the tiniest brush of air and just like that, I was back in Sonoma's golden sunlight. It was peaceful there, inviting; I felt the damp grass on my back and I watched the sky and I was alone.

"Bella?"

And then it wasn't golden, it was purple. Lilacs. Santa Cruz. I exhaled and looked up.

"Oh." It was all I could think to say. She looked different, tentative and careful of her movement, slow. I wondered if it was the medication. Regardless, she was still the most beautiful woman I'd ever seen up close and I smiled; I wanted to go to her, but was afraid. "Rosalie."

She strode over, sitting in Edward's vacant chair. We regarded each other and it reminded me of two war veterans crossing paths; we had both been there. "When?"

I tried to think of lies, but I was never very good at it. "A few days ago." I tried to stick close to the truth.

"I thought you lived in Sonoma?" She looked down, eyeing the second place setting.

"I'm just…driving. You know, enjoying the freedom." I straightened my silverware on the napkin, watched the condensation bead on my water glass.

"Well, you look…like yourself."

My brow furrowed, I wasn't sure if that was complimentary or not.

"I mean…," she sighed and then the veil came off and I realized her fire was there all along; it was just slower to show itself. She looked up at me, off on a new train of thought. "Who are you here with?"

I could feel the heat rising on my face before I even thought of a suitable lie. My mind refused to work and instead I wondered, where's Edward? "N-no one." I hoped that he would see her with me and turn away.

"No one?"

"Yeah."

"There are two water glasses." Rosalie slipped her finger over the cold rim. "Are you with a man?" She showed me a devilish grin and I realized that she didn't suspect what was really happening, why should she?

Still the question caught me off guard and I didn't know how to answer, but it didn't matter, her eyes shifted away from me and focused and I simply watched as the lies fell apart. I read her face like a book. Confusion. Disbelief, this must be some mistake. And then anger. Absolute fury. But it wasn't directed at me and I thought about how I'd missed her and how on the day she left I pretended she was my mother.

Rosalie stood up fast and the chair tilted before falling back onto all four legs with a loud thump. She grabbed my wrist and stood me up. "You are coming with me."

I saw a man stand up as we passed; he followed and I wondered if this was the husband. The one who had gone to hell and back for her. "What's going on?" He looked at me, looked at her. He looked worried, confused, but also something else. Like he was trying to work it out in his mind if she was alright or not. I thought that he would probably do that for the rest of his life even if she never showed a sign of instability again.

"Dr. Masen is here; I just want to get her a safe distance away."

I tried to wrench my hand free. "Rosalie, it's not what you think." I said, though I had no idea what she might be thinking.

"Bella!" Edward called for me and I planted my feet. We were outside the restaurant's patio now and I felt the eyes of the other patrons, bright with anticipation of a good show. My heart. My breath, faster. Please don't watch me, please don't stare. I would have begged if it would have made them get up and leave. But I couldn't. It was coming already. I was in that moment when I knew I was about to drown, the wave was so much bigger than I was, but I could do nothing but hope it would be over soon.

Edward was there and he was watching too and it was all the worse. I stared down at the concrete; I wanted to be ok. For him, I had to be.

Grey, the color of the sidewalk.

And then Rosalie's voice. "I knew it," she spat. I felt movement, her husband putting his hands on her.

I felt them orbit around me; Edward somewhere in front, soothing but urgent. Rosalie, pushing me behind her. I wanted to scream.

Please don't touch me.

And the other faces, like the stars at night, too many to count.

And me.

Losing my hold.

There was a rising up then of something long dormant. I wish I could go back. Not to Los Angeles. To Sonoma. To James and the fireplace and the vineyards. So I wished and I let the walls come down and let everything come up. I let James take me.

"Bella," I felt a hand shaking me. I remembered that hand, rough and perpetually ink stained.

I opened my eyes. Ice blue. His eyes were ice blue. I smiled, comforted by his face and the sound of the fire crackling in the hearth.

"You were having a nightmare." He smoothed his hand down my arm and pulled the blanket higher.

I stretched on the narrow couch, a blush creeping up my cheeks. "Was I talking again?"

His grin answered my question.

I made room for him on the small space, but still ended up laying on him anyway. "You're so warm," I let my cheek rest on his chest. He smelled woodsy, like pine and early morning fog.

His fingertips traced up and down my back. "It's raining again." I knew that it was one of his favorite sounds. I felt myself getting heavy. He kissed my head. "Go back to sleep."

Between the rain, the fire, and him, I knew I wouldn't be conscious for long.

"I love you."

"I love you," I breathed, feeling my heart beat slow and steady.

"Don't ever forget. Promise me."

"I promise."

Another hand, incessant. And a voice, far away and muffled. Edward.

I opened my eyes; I was lying on the sidewalk in front of the restaurant.

His fingers skimmed over my jaw; he looked so worried. And he was asking me something, but he still sounded muted. Like either he was under water or I was, I couldn't tell. I let my head lean back on the concrete and looked up. The sky was so open here, so completely blue.

I promise.