Disclaimer: Rocky and Bullwinkle are owned by Jay Ward Productions.

Beware of Hitchhiking Sea Monsters? Or Sea for Two

Narrator: For his latest evil scheme, Fearless Leader was inspired by the previous Mr. Peabody episode. The episode in question was about Washington Irving's famous story, "The Legend of Sleepy Hollow", which of course involved the Headless Horseman. Considering the way that he interpreted it, with the Official Pottsylvanian Head Chopper available, our friend Rocky may lose his head over this peril!

Fearless Leader: I would have decided on a cannonball, like in the novel, but then I remembered Boris used a cannon to light the candles on his birthday cake, and it was a quite messy experience ... Squirrel, are you listening to me?

Rocky: Hokey Smoke! There's a sea monster heading right for us!

Fearless Leader: A Seeungeheuer? Hokey Smoke!

Narrator: The Official Pottsylvanian Head Chopper runs off somewhere, and our hero and villain are scared as well. Fearless Leader hurriedly scampers under the scaffold. Rocky just stands there in shock.

The unidentified sea monster tries to untangle itself.

Narrator: Wait a minute! The kelp covered creature is shedding its seaweed. The sea monster or Sea Plunger-

Fearless Leader: Seeungeheuer.

Narrator: -Whatever it's called is actually...

A crab pinches the creature on the nose.

Kelp Monster: Raskolnikov!

Narrator: ...Boris Badenov?

Boris: Yeah. I got stuck in some seaweed.

Narrator: Well, the entangled evil doer certainly scared all of us.

Boris's boss cautiously climbs out from under the scaffold and dusts himself off.

Fearless Leader: Except me of course. After all, I am Fearless Leader.

Rocky: You looked kind of scared...

Fearless Leader: I did not!

Rocky: Did so.

Fearless Leader: Did not!

Rocky: Did so.

Fearless Leader: Did not!

Rocky: Did s-

Narrator: Can you please stop your silly bickering?

Rocky and Fearless Leader: We're sorry.

Rocky: Admit it, Fearless Leader. You were just as scared as I was.

Fearless Leader: What are you going to do about it?

Rocky: I'll tell Boris and Natasha that you were actually scared of something. Then they'll try to usurp you like they almost did in the "Missouri Mish Mash" episodes.

Fearless Leader: Will five dollars patch up our argument, Squirrel?

Boris is distracted from untangling the seaweed.

Boris: Ooh, a fiver! Can I have one, boss?

Fearless Leader: Nein!

Boris: You'll gimme nine bucks? Oh, you are so generous!

Fearless Leader: I meant no.

Boris: Aw, phooey...

Rocky: Sorry, but five dollars won't cut it.

Fearless Leader: Really? Is there anything that will change your mind?

Rocky: You could not give me the axe.

Fearless Leader: Er, no-

Boris: Did I hear something about usurping?

Fearless Leader: -okay, fine. You win... and you drive a hard bargain.

Rocky: Hooray!

Fearless Leader: Don't rub it in!

Narrator: After driving a hard bargain, Fearless Leader orders Boris to drive Rocky out of the Central Control courtyard.

Fearless Leader: I have to order Boris around. It distracts him from trying to usurp me again. The thought of Boris running Pottsylvania is scary.

Narrator: Of course the strange happenings in Pottsylvania are scary, too. While Fearless Leader and his preoccupied peons know that they are actually a result of a new secret formula, known as Ectoplasmium, Rocky and his friends are clueless. To keep it that way Boris shoves Rocky out of the courtyard to keep him from looking for clues.

Boris: And stay out!

He goes back in the courtyard perimeter to talk to his boss.

Boris: Can I usurp you?

Fearless Leader: Nein.

Boris: I can rule Pottsylvania with an iron fist for nine years? Oh, you are so g-

Fearless Leader: No, you bubblehead!

Narrator: Of course our heroic squirrel isn't going to be scared off by a bunch of baddies.

Rocky: I've got to find Bullwinkle and solve this mystery.

Narrator: In the spooky building, a sinister spy emerges from the front door entrance of the premises.

Natasha: You have a way with words, dollink.

Narrator: Oh, so it's you, Natasha. What sneaky shenanigans are you up to?

Natasha: Fearless Leader sent me on an important sabotage mission.

Narrator: In his own hideout? What a weirdo.

Natasha: Nyet. He told me to set up something to scare off Moose and Squirrel. And with the secret formula, it should be frighteningly easy. In fact, what I set up for him will light up his life!

Narrator: Pretty sneaky, sis.

Natasha: You're the one who is a weirdo. Since when was I your sister?

Narrator: Never mind...

Narrator: Bullwinkle is just about to sneak in the Central Control building. Surprisingly the back door entrance, which is usually occupied by ominous guards, is empty. Like the moose's head.

Bullwinkle: I was hoping there would be a welcoming party.

Narrator: I highly doubt the Pottsylvanian guards would have been welcoming. After entering the suspiciously unguarded stronghold, Bullwinkle wanders aimlessly throughout Fearless Leader's fiendish abode.

Bullwinkle: I can't see a thing in here...

Narrator: He lights up a nearby candle in one of the walls, and it is revealed that he is in the haunted art gallery. But the candle suddenly floats up in the air!

Bullwinkle: Jumpin' G Horsefat!

Narrator: I'm sure even our heroic moose is frightened by the haunted floating object.

Bullwinkle: That candle is a potential fire hazard.

Narrator: If you say so.

Bullwinkle: I know so! I'm Mr. Know it All, and I know when there's a potential fire hazard.

Narrator: Let me guess. An unexpected Mr. Know it All lesson?

Bullwinkle: Yep. One of my various jobs as Mr. Know it All is a fireman. And now I'm gonna explain "How to Know Fire Safety so you don't get Fired".

Narrator: Oh, brother...

Bullwinkle: I didn't know you have siblings. Now the most important step is to stop, drop, and roll.

He rolls on the ground and inadvertently rolls down a staircase.

Narrator: While he is explaining this unexpected Mr. Know it All lesson, the haunted candle just floats there. Apparently even inanimate objects get confused by Mr. Know it All's antics.

Bullwinkle: Of course, the easiest way to deal with fire is douse it with some water.

Narrator: He dumps a bucket of water over the candle and it is extinguished. However, it splashes onto a nearby painting, which is a portrait of an unidentified Pottsylvanian historical figure. Most likely a spy or criminal.

Haunted Painting: Schweinhund!

Bullwinkle: You know you need improvement when your painting criticizes itself.

Just as he leaves the gallery, he stares at the portrait.

Bullwinkle: And check out the ugly monocle on that thing. Yeesh!

Narrator: Let's take a closer look behind the "haunted portrait", shall we?

There is a secret room behind the portrait. Fearless Leader is looking through holes in the portrait's eyes, and he is standing on top of Boris.

Fearless Leader: Since when was Moose an art critic?

Narrator: Surprisingly Boris and Fearless Leader are hiding behind the painting.

Boris: Are you offended about the monocle comment, boss?

Fearless Leader: Nein.

Boris: The fact that he insulted one of your relatives?

Fearless Leader: Nein! I've got water in my eye thanks to that dummkopf "Mr. Know it All".

Narrator: Wait a minute, you sent Natasha to set up the candle to scare Bullwinkle, didn't you? That's what she meant by "light up his life". And I bet that isn't the only trick up your sleeve...

Fearless Leader: That's right! I have other traps set up for Moose as well. And since he's the stupider one of the duo, this should be a piece of Pottsylvanian cheesecake.

Boris: You're making me hungry.

Fearless Leader: Stop complaining about trivial matters like food.

Boris: Of course it would be trivial to you. You're a stick!

Narrator: You seem crabbier than usual tonight, Boris.

Boris: Of course I'm crabby. I fell into the ocean, got zapped by an electric eel, pinched by crabs, and stuck in seaweed! And to top things off, my boss is standing on top of me to spy on Moose.

Fearless Leader: I thought you would be used to the corporate ladder, Badenov.

Boris: This corporate ladder stuff is bad enough. Oh, well, at least you're not heavy...

Narrator: Fearless Leader might not be heavy, but his spooky secret formula sure is. Will Bullwinkle persevere through this Pottsylvanian death trap and help Rocky solve the mystery? Be sure to stay tuned for "On Top of Things" or "Trick or Trap".