Disclaimer: Yeah, still pretty sure that I don't own The Sound of Music…

Why-
-Chapter Twenty-One: Words

What is a word? Mere letters strung together to create a meaning. To express a thought. Written on paper to convey a message; however, when spoken, the same exact word becomes something so much more. It becomes a feeling; it takes on a characteristic one can't really describe. It opens the door to the speaker's mind. It becomes the speaker and who they are. What they are expressing. But then again, when it comes down to it, it's just merely a word. Nothing more…right?

The sun was sitting in the sky, creating a magical glow over the lake. A cool breeze blew through the air, pushing flowers along the way. Birds sang, and the water shone contently, little ripples forming on the surface.

Maria took a deep breath in, enjoying the scent of the spring dusk. Cool and refreshing. Everything was right. There was no confusion, no loss, no sorrow, everything was just…perfect. The feeling of a warm embrace engulfed her as she felt two arms circle around her. She didn't need to look to know it was him. Smiling, she leaned back into the embrace, tilting her head up to look at her love's face.

Georg smiled back at her, his eyes filled with love. No words were needed. Just that simple exchange. Another cool breeze blew through the air, making Maria shiver. Georg immediately responded, hugging her tighter, letting his warmth be her comfort. He slowly bent down, placing a delicate kiss on her cheek, "I love you," he whispered into her ear, before placing another kiss on her forehead.

She didn't respond verbally, she merely relaxed into his embrace, pulling his arms even tighter to hers, giving him all the answer he needed.

At ease with the moment, Maria looked back to the lake. Coming towards them was a man. She couldn't tell who it was, only able to make out his silhouette. But yet, he seemed so familiar. Like long ago, from a dream. The way he moved, his broad shoulders, the way his blonde hair reflected the setting sun. So familiar…a lost memory…yet one that had never really left.

Thunder crashed over head, loud and strong, grabbing Maria's attention. She had been so caught up in trying to figure out who the man was that was swiftly walking towards them that she hadn't noticed the clouds roll in. How could she have missed it though? The sky was clear just minutes before not a cloud in sight.

Just as the first rain drops began to fall the man's features became visible, making Maria nearly fall to the ground. "Charlie?" she whispered, shocked. It couldn't be. He was dead. DEAD. She had seen his lifeless face. She had been there when he was buried. But he was standing before her, like a ghost from her past…but so real.

She turned to Georg, trying to comprehend what was going on. She was happy to see Charlie again, more than happy, and wanted so much to run to him; but she didn't, too confused to move. Georg, however, wasn't looking at her. He was staring straight ahead at Charlie, who had now stopped a foot before them. Both men's faces were blank, their eyes boring into each others. Georg slowly stepped forward so that Maria was now behind him.

She wanted to move – tried to move – but she couldn't; her feet were glued to the ground. She pulled on them, trying to uproot them, but they wouldn't budge. The rain began to fall harder as she watched, in horror, as the two men began to talk. She couldn't hear a word they were saying, all she could do was watch their mouths move. To her terror the talking soon became yelling, as their faces turned red, their arms flying in the air in expression.

"Please!" she yelled out, but they didn't stop. They didn't hear her.

She didn't know how it happened, but suddenly their fight became physical. One minute they were yelling face to face and the next they were throwing punches, shoving the other into the mud.

"Georg! Charlie!" she tried to yell, trying desperately to stop the two. However, when she opened her mouth to yell their names no sound came out. She couldn't speak, she couldn't move, she couldn't hear them, couldn't make out the horrid language they were using. The only thing that made it to her ears was the pounding sound of the rain that had no began to pour, a dull thud in her ears, louder than a church bell.

She lunged forward, only to fall to her knees. She sank a little in the mud, not caring that it was now all over her hands, face, legs, and dress. It didn't matter. She tried to see what was going on, but it was dark, so dark. She couldn't see anymore. Everything was just black. Her head began to pound, her breathing became uneven.

And then suddenly, it all stopped.

The rain, and the pounding stopped and sight returned. Everything froze. She strained to see what had become of the two men. A few feet away, she could see one, face down in the mud, with the other standing over him, with his back to her. She couldn't tell who was who; she only knew that the man on the ground wasn't moving.

With a great effort, she dug her hands and legs into the ground, pushing herself up. Trying to gain sense of what was going on, she moved forward. Salty tears fell down her face. Slowly she made her towards the two figures. She had one step to go, one step and she would know who was who. She picked up her foot, solidly setting it forward, and fell.

The ground had disappeared and she was falling. Falling in an endless pit, all she could see was black. All she could hear and feel was the tears. Falling…falling…falling…

Maria woke with a jump, in shock. Her breathing was heavy and jagged. Where was she? What time was it? What day was it? It was bright. Too bright. She closed her eyes, trying to dull the pain in her head. Somewhere near by she could hear crying. She quickly turned to her left to see Petra lying in her crib, crying.

Reality quickly came back to Maria. She was in her room. Safe and sound. With a sigh of relief she stood and walked to her daughter, picking her up. "Sshh, my darling, mama's here," she whispered, bouncing Petra up and down, cradling her to her side. "What is it my love?" That question, however, was easy to answer: she was wet. Routinely, Maria made her way to the bathroom.

As she set to the task of cleaning Petra up, Maria's mind began to wander, like it had been doing so often these days.

It was only four-thirty. How could she have fallen asleep? That question was easy to answer, too. She hadn't slept well for the last five days. Every time she tried, her thoughts immediately went to the one thing she dared not speak of. The one thing that had been bothering her to near insanity. The one thing that she wanted to forget, yet wanted more than anything in the world. The one thing she missed more than she ever thought possible. Him.

Georg plagued her, ever present. She had avoided him since that night, canceling all plans with him and his family, trying to keep as much distance between him and her as possible. Yet, the more distance she put, the more she craved to see him again. And not just him, but the children too. She missed them so much and she knew she wasn't being far to them by avoiding them as well. But they reminded her so much of him. Just merely talking to them brought on a flood of emotion.

She often wondered if he thought about that night as often as she did. What did he think about it? Did he do it because he truly felt something for her? After all, he was the one who initiated it. Or had it just been a thing he'd done, seeing the emotions so plainly in her eyes and getting caught up in the moment. Dare she ask – did he enjoy it?

Maria quickly shook her head, trying to clear her mind of that thought. She mustn't go there. No, that was one place she couldn't go. It would lead to false hope, it would be wrong.

She knew she should talk with him. She knew that was the right thing to do. But she couldn't bring herself to do it. Perhaps she was a coward for it. In fact, she knew she was a coward. But she couldn't help it. It was just…who she was.

She felt as if she were back at square one. Just like she had been those years ago back in Austria. She remembered vividly sitting in her small room at the abbey and praying, her thoughts the same as they were now. The same questions burning through them. And yet, it was worse this time. She had a child to think about, a husband, but what was more, they had crossed the line this time. Last time it had been simple thoughts and wishes, a simple dance. But this time. This time, the line had been crossed. They had crossed so far over that the line was a dot to them.

Like the Reverend Mother had before, Della was beginning to notice her strange behavior. Maria knew that she wouldn't be able to hide from the older woman much longer. Every night it was the same thing, 'Maria are you alright?' or 'Is there anything you want to talk about?' And every night Maria gave an excuse or quickly changed the subject.

The longer she avoided the situation, anything about it, the better. That's what she kept telling herself. After all, it was the best way to handle the matter. Right?

Once again shaking her head, Maria pushed all thoughts of the issue to the back of her mind, hoping they would stay there and stop bothering her. "There we are," she said quietly, picking Petra back up now that she was done with changing her, "All better?"

Petra responded by grabbing a lock of her mother's hair and twirled it between her small fingers. Maria laughed for the first time in a week. She supposed that her daughter's favorite thing to do was play with her hair, for she did it every time Maria picked her up. "Why don't we go see what Grandma and Grandpa are up to, hmm?" she asked, well aware that she was basically talking to herself.

As Maria's foot hit the top step of the stairs, the sound of the front door opening and closing rang through the quiet house. After the second click, an array of loud sounds filled the air. Voices. Many voices. More than just the four that lived in the house. Maria froze. She knew those voices. And she knew the faces they belonged to, the eight faces that were chatting happily at the base of the stairs with Della and Rupert and Charlie. She paled.

How could she have forgotten? How could it have slipped her mind? Had she been so caught up in thought and worry and lord knows what else that she had forgotten this simple thing? She had evaded them for days, canceling all plans to go over to their inn, or to spend time with them. And yet she had forgotten that they came over for dinner every week, they had since December. How was it even possible that this simple detail had evaded her? Perhaps, she had purposely forgotten it; after all she did want to see them again. Perhaps it was her subconscious trying to tell her something. Trying to send her a message.

A deep, booming laugh traveled high above everyone else's voices. Her heart rate began to quicken and she felt herself begin to shake. She couldn't do this. Not now. Not ever. They hadn't seen her yet, all she had to do was quietly sneak back down the hall and lock herself in her room, pretend that she was sick.

"Fraulein Maria!" Marta's voice called, just as Maria went to turn back towards her room. She cringed at being caught.

Plastering a smile on her face Maria descended the stairs, refusing to look at Him. "Hello everyone!" she said cheerfully, truly happy to see them.

With all of her conflicting emotions Maria knew she was in for a long night.

Maria's elbow hit his and she immediately recoiled, as if he had a deadly skin disease, keeping her eyes fixed on her plate.

She had been successful in avoiding him all night. Sitting across the room from him. Making sure she was constantly near Liesl or one of the other children. Engaging in conversation with Della. Making sure her eyes never strayed to his side of the room. But even that wasn't enough. Just knowing he was nearby was sheer torture. She could feel his eyes on her every once in a while. And even though she didn't see them, she knew they were questioning. She could tell he wanted to talk to her. To just be able to get her alone so he could confront her. But she made sure that that didn't happen.

However, just as she had forgotten about the small detail of them coming over for dinner, she had forgotten about the actual meal itself. Well, more specifically the seating arrangement. It had become a habit that, during every meal the von Trapp's shared at the Madison household, Maria and Georg would sit next to each other. After all, they always ended up in some conversation of sorts and so sitting next to each other made it all the easier. Not to mention that both enjoyed the fact of being able to sit next to the other. No, both had enjoyed. Had.

So now here she was, sitting at the cramped dinner table, next to him. Her lips burned just being close to him. But she refused to look at him; she wouldn't even allow her eyes to fall on the sight of his arm that rested on the table next to her.

"Fraulein Maria?" Brigitta's voice pulled her from her thoughts.

"Yes Brigitta?" she asked, turning towards the girl who sat on her left.

"Are you still going to come tomorrow night?"

"Tomorrow night?"

"Yes, the play, remember?"

How could she have forgotten? The question once again rang in Maria's mind. Two months ago Brigitta had informed Maria that she had received the lead role in the school play. Maria, not knowing then what events would transpire later, agreed to go before Brigitta had even asked her to come.

But now she wasn't so sure that she wanted to go, it would mean that she would have to…but she couldn't say no to Brigitta. It would be highly unfair. More than unfair. She had made a promise, and Maria never went back on her promises.

"Of course I'll be there, Brigitta, I wouldn't miss it for the world," she said, smiling and hugging the girl.

In all her stubbornness, Maria missed the smile that slowly spread over Georg's face at the news.

"Oh Romeo! Romeo! Wherefore art thou Romeo!" Kurt exclaimed in a high pitched voice as he, his family and Maria all walked into the kitchen of their house.

Everyone laughed. "Kurt, you do realize that it we didn't do 'Romeo and Juliet', right?" Brigitta asked, throwing her coat at her brother.

"Yeah, so?" Liesl, Louisa and Friedrich all threw their coats at the brother at his response.

"You were wonderful, darling," Maria stated for what must have been the fifteenth time that night.

"Yes, I think we all agree to that," Georg replied, giving his third daughter a hug.

"Thank you," the girl replied, blushing.

The clock in the hall struck nine o'clock.

"Well, I should probably be getting home," Maria said, "It's getting late." Everyone nodded.

"I'll drive you."

Maria's breath caught as he spoke to her. It was the first time he had addressed her directly since that night. The first time his words were meant solely for her. Her throat went dry. "Oh, that won't be necessary," she replied, quietly looking at the ground.

The Captain laughed a little and Maria felt some of her nerves die away. "On the contrary, the buses won't be running anytime soon and I refuse to let you walk," he stated simply.

She sighed. He was right. Lord, how she hated when he was right. Sighing, again, she turned towards him, allowing her eyes to look at him for the first time in six days. On their own, her eyes found his, just as if they had been drawn to him, like a moth to a flame. That spell, that spell that he could cast on her. Mesmerizing.

"Well, alright."

Maria knew it would be awkward, but this was really ridiculous. It was as if the car was filled with pressure. Her ears rung as she wrung her hands together. She was shaking slightly, trying to control her breathing. Why did she feel like she wanted to cry?

He was whistling. She wished he wouldn't but he just kept on at it. What was the tune? She knew she knew it. She listened closer, almost immediately recognizing it. Of course she knew it, she had taught it to him…in a way. 'My Favorite Things', she laughed inwardly to herself. How ironic, a week ago this car ride was one of her favorite things, but now it was anything but.

The car seemed to be moving slower and Maria was certain that she could get out, push the car, and still get to her house faster. The minutes passed painfully slow until they finally reached the Madison house.

They sat in silence for a moment. Neither quiet knowing what to do. Maria scratched the back of her neck uneasily as Georg lightly tapped the steering wheel.

Looking at her hands, Maria finally decided to break the silence. "Yes…well…uh…thank you for the ride. Goodnight." The words came out uncertain, uneven, uneasy, and quick. Without waiting for a reply she turned to go, but instantly felt his hand on her arm, stopping her.

"Maria," he said quietly.

She closed her eyes. "Yes?" she asked, not moving from the uncomfortable angle he had stopped her in.

"We need to talk," he stated, removing his hand from her arm. Her skin tingled from where he had touched her.

"We do?" she asked, settling back into the seat.

"Yes."

"About what?"

He sighed. "I think you know."

She couldn't help but play dumb. Now that they were having this conversation, especially when she didn't want to, she merely responded by putting up a wall. It was the only way she knew how to respond. It was the only response he was going to get. She just couldn't.

"Maria." She hated the way he said her name, so gentle. "About the other night. I--"

"Please don't say anything more," she said quietly. "I would prefer not to talk about it."

"But we need to."

"Now?"

"Yes now, or else you'll avoid it for the next four years," he said calmly, making reference to how the subject of her leaving all those years ago was left untouched until last week.

Maria began to feel her quick temper rising. Why couldn't he respect the fact that she didn't want to talk about it? Not now, anyways. Didn't he have enough decency for that? Couldn't he at least grant her this one wish?

"Excuse me?" she asked, her voice carrying an icy edge.

Georg cringed. "I didn't mean it exactly the way it came out. But Maria, we have to talk about this."

Her voice was crisp and neutral. "I really don't think there is anything to discuss. We were merely caught up in the moment. It had been a long day. We were both tired. It didn't mean anything and that's all there is to it."

He huffed. "That wasn't exactly what I was going to say and that may be the case for you, but I think you should know that--"

"Georg," she turned her head to face him, her eyes boring into his. "I know what it was, you don't need to try to break the news to me easily, I'm a big girl," she knew he wasn't trying to convince her and that it was quite the opposite, but she was talking now and wasn't really aware of what she was saying. All she knew was that she wanted to get out of the car as fast as possible. "We were caught up in the moment. Now, I think it would be best if you didn't bring the matter up again, for my sake…and yours." If he wasn't going to admit that it was a mistake then she would force him to see it. "Goodnight Captain." Without another word Maria left.

Georg's knuckles turned white as he gripped the steering wheel. Angrily, he left, his mind reeling. He knew she was bluffing. He knew her too well to believe what she had just said. He had seen it in her eyes. He had seen the truth written there as plain as day. And if there was one thing he had come to learn about the woman who occupied his thoughts like a never ending movie, it was that the only way to get through to Maria was to fight fire with fire.

Author's Note: Alrighty! Sorry this update took longer than usual, but this chapter was harder to write than I thought and turned out completely different than I had imagined it. I'll definitely be writing today, so maybe I'll be updating within this coming week. Hopefully!

Thanks to everyone who has reviewed! I love hearing from you and I'm so glad you like the story!!!

Until next time,
Your humble author,
The Lonely Goatherd