Authors Note:

Just to be clear. The relationship of Aredhel and Eöl is the version told in the Silmarillion since this is a Silmarillion parody. NOT the one in " The History of Middle Earth" I am aware that in the Histoy of Middle Earth Tolkien puts a whole different light on them.

But this is the Silmarilion

I see Aredhel as a strong, independant, stubborn woman in a society of sexist men who wanted her to be docile and well behaved. I don't see her relationship with Eöl as written in the Silm as an abusive one, at least not initially though Eöl lost it a bit at the end. It is certainly not written that way in the Silmarilion and she loved him enough to plead for his life at the end. That's the context this is written in.

I figure if I can make fun of Fingon being stomped to death by a Balrog, or Finrod being chewed up and spat out by a werewolf... Then I can point out the fact Aredhel was a hard to control Dynamo who scared men witless too...

Teenagers...Who'd have Em?

Remember when the Valar decided to give the Elves the lovely present of a Sun and Moon without asking if they wanted them?

Remember how some of the Elves maybe weren't that keen on the idea.

Eöl was one of those Elves.

He didn't like the Sun or the moon. He much preferred the stars he had grown up under.

In the end he went to live in a forest so Dark and dense neither sun or moonlight could get through. Unfortunately this would mean he couldn't see the stars either so I am not sure exactly how successful the whole idea was for him.

Still he seemed happy enough hiding away there. He was big on making things, especially black things. Let's face it, Eöl was a Goth. He lived an alternative elf lifestyle.

One day everything changed for Eöl. Aredhel, on her search for a man...any man, stumbled into his forest. Because Eöl had kept himself to himself her reputation did not proceed her.

He thought she was quite nice.

She thought he was a man who didn't run away when he saw her.

One thing led to another and they got married.

All went well for a bit and they even had a baby but it was too good to last. Eventually Aredhel got bored, ( what a surprise!) She wanted Eöl to change. To leave his dark forest and stop wearing his black clothes.

Basic Relationship advice Aredhel. Marrying someone thinking you can change them never, never works. No matter how desperate you are.

Basic Relationship advice Eöl. She insists on only wearing white. Did that not ring some warning bells? That thing about opposites attracting...well it only goes so far.

Eöl and Aredhel's baby was a boy.

He caused Eöl some problems from the start because he just couldn't decide on a name. He got all the baby name books out of the Library but nothing seemed to fit. It took him years to decide what he wanted. Years during which I guess his son was just called Baby Boy Eöl . Which would cause problems don't you think?

Eventually Eöl decided on Maeglin. I am sure Maeglin was just pleased his Dad had finally made his mind up.

Eöl and Maeglin got on fine to start with. They used to participate in that well known Elf recreational pursuit of dwarf visiting together and Eöl taught Maeglin all about making black things. They made many many black things.

But Maeglin grew up. He turned into a moody, ungrateful, and uncooperative teenager who hated Dad and all Dad stood for. I bet he spent all day in his room playing heavy metal elf music on his harp very loudly.

Unfortunately Aredhel didn't help the situation She and Eöl didn't exactly present a united front.

She told Maeglin all about Gondolin and Turgon and How much BETTER they were than Boring old Dad. Sadly she forgot to tell him that a few hundred years earlier she had thought they were dull as dishwater.

At the end of his tether Eöl employed some seriously dodgy parenting tactics.

"Do as I say or I will tie you up."

Eöl, you just can't get away with that kind of thing, however tempting it may be.

(Because seriously, who out there with Teenagers hasn't wished they could do that...just once!)

Then came the day Eöl was called away on dwarf visiting he just couldn't get out of.

" Maeglin, you're grounded" he said, trying some tough love." You will stay here and do that Forging homework assignment you haven't even bothered starting. No dwarf visiting for you"

In retrospect this was a major error.

For all of them.

Maybe he should have persisted with the tying up idea after all.