Understand

Chapter 20

Temari felt an agonizing pain that was more volatile than she had anticipated. Wrenching in agony, her movements were limited to a small amount of space.

The laughed that rang out of his chest made her shudder. They had been challenging her will; her ability to fear no one, not even a man that could overpower her. But this fear was different. It was nothing she could have ever mentally prepared for.

She couldn't see anything, she was blindfolded. There was only one person in the room now, but one was all it took. Her line of vision was something that she was desperate for just so she could anticipate his next move.

Another pain shot through her body. Her body quaked as she bit her lip, her Wall of Will slowly starting to crumble. Sweat started to bead on her forehead, her breathing started to become heavy.

Part of her hoped she was hallucinating just because of her mental state. She was no damsel. No weakling. No vulnerable woman.

A greater ache flew through her again, much stronger than the last two, this one didn't go away. It seemed to drag on forever. Temari's breaking point had been reached.

"... Please... Don't do this..."

There was utter silence this time, and all she knew was that he was grinning. His fingers entwined in her hair before yanking on it; Something told her that would only make it worse, but she felt helpless at that point.

Tears sprung from her eyes. If he didn't stop then, he would never stop. Her heart dropped when she realized that there was no one to come and rescue her. No one knew about the situation she was even in.

"Why not just accept it? It'll make it that much better..."

"Temari? Temari! It's okay, babe. It's me," Shikamaru whispered.

It was over?

Shikamaru's eyes were staring into hers, trying to make sure that she was aware and conscious of her surroundings. She hadn't a clue of where she was at that particular moment in time. Her eyes were clouded and vacant, lost in the realms of her own mind.

Her legs were cold, freezing almost. His hands were clutching her face, trying to calm her down and convince her to focus on him. The feeling of skin on her, on her body, felt disgusting.

"Get the fuck off of me!" she screamed before shoving him away. Realizing he had invaded her personal space, he backed away, recognizing her hostility.

Her heart was racing, her breathing was faster than usual. She clutched her chest, gasping for air almost in a manner that would have seemed as though she was drowning. Slowly, her surroundings started to become more tangible in her line of vision.

She was still in the hospital room, no longer confined to the bed. Now in the corner of the room, on the floor, Temari sat clutching her knees to her chest, trying to remember everything that had just occurred.

She looked down, her gown was covered in fresh blood. Her eyes widened, not sure where the source had come from. Looking down at her hand, she saw teeth marks, and yet there was no physical pain from the adrenaline. She was sure it would sink in later.

"Temari, you have to get back in bed," Shikamaru coerced slowly, taking a step closer to her. It was almost as if the statement didn't register in her mind.

"What happened?" was all she asked, confused.

"You were screaming... You had a nightmare. To wake up, you bit yourself. But right now, I need you to get back to your bed," he explained at a low tone. He hadn't stopped to consider how much psychological damage she had experienced and now, the Nara was terrified for her. He hadn't anticipated the extent or the possible results of her trauma. His heart wasn't prepared.

Suddenly, it all sunk into her brain like a sponge and Temari's body started to shake again before covering her face in shame.

"I'm so sorry..."

The phone vibrated on the wooden bedside stand. Neji's head rose to look, only to see that it was his wife's phone ringing. His brow knit together before nudging the weapon's mistress. She groaned, signaling her husband she didn't want to be bothered.

He rolled his eyes only to reach over his wife and check the caller's name. It was none other than Shikamaru. Neji felt no need to let the call be missed. Flipping her phone open, his voice was colder than ice only in the hope to prevent Shikamaru from calling at an hour as such again.

"Hello?"

"Neji? Is Tenten knocked out?" he asked in an exasperated tone.

"Yes. She's resting. What do you want?"

Shikamaru rolled his eyes at Neji's insolent behavior. He couldn't blame him for being upset about the hour he was calling, but he had to tell Tenten about what happened.

"Just tell her Temari had another bad dream and she had another self-harming incident. She's all patched up now, but Tenten told me to keep her updated on that sorta thing," he briefly stated. Neji merely grunted in the phone before hanging up the phone in the Shadow Possessor's ear.

Neji put her phone back on the nightstand before trying to get comfortable to go back to bed.

"What'd he say?" Tenten barely whispered, still half conscious. Neji didn't want her to wake up, he still felt as though she needed rest. He was still anticipating the possibility of a baby. He wanted her to focus on herself.

"Temari had another nightmare," he stated nonchalantly, almost as if it wasn't important. Tenten was more attentive now than before, only to be acknowledged by a disapproving glare from her husband.

"She hurt herself?"

"Yes, but she's fine," he pressed, hoping to end the conversation. Tenten's eyebrows rose in disgust at her husband's tone. He was tiptoeing around a boundary.

"Neji, stop that," Tenten pressed. "I thought we had an understanding. You know, Temari is-"

"I know what we talked about. It's just a little annoying at this point," he said harshly. Tenten, now wide awake and aware of the conversation and everything being said, started to get defensive.

"I'm sorry, Neji. What was that?" she asked. He looked at her, a little annoyed that she asked him to repeat himself. She knew that he didn't do such a thing.

"You heard me, Ten. I just-"

"No, I heard you. You're really trying to show me how much of ass you really are, aren't you?" she snapped. Neji's eyes widened at her outburst. She had never really spoken to him like that before.

"Just because I think the attention she is receiving is excessive, doesn't make me an ass," Neji replied curtly.

"No, that doesn't make you an ass. It makes you look like a jealous man who is possessive for no reason. I'm sorry that I've put so much of my heart into Temari, but she needs me now, more than ever before!"

Neji stared at his wife, amazed at her strong feelings and her initiation of verbal conflict. He could demolish her; he always did. Tenten knew he would, that he could and that's how their arguments always went. But this time, he didn't have the energy. It was way too late, or even early. It was three in the morning.

"What is Shikamaru here for, Tenten? Does she really need both of you?"

Tenten stared at her husband in awe at what he had dared to speak. She scoffed and shook her head at him, disappointed in his selfish nature before throwing the blankets of the bed back. Stepping out she reached on the chair and grabbed her robe.

"And where are you going?"

"To the room across the hall that was originally mine." Neji's eyes widened at her disrespectful gesture as she grabbed her bag and her phone before exiting the room. It took him a few moments to have it register in his mind before he himself got out of bed and followed after her.

She had already started to open the door before Neji grabbed her wrist and yanked it away. There was a loud thud as he held her against the door. She gasped, not expecting her body to be pinned between her husband and the door.

"What the hell is wrong with you?" he whispered fiercely. She looked away, ashamed almost, unsure of how and why she had done something so bold. Maybe it was the adrenaline from the argument, or maybe her hormones.

"I..."

No words left her mouth. She was upset, that was a given. She was more embarrassed than anything.

"You know how I feel about you walking away from me," he stated coldly. Neji found it within himself to admit that he had overreacted quite a bit, but he'd never dare to say it aloud. His disrespectful behavior against Temari was getting out of hand and he knew the Weapons Mistress had every right to rebel... His hold on her was released before he backed away. "... I apologize, Tenten. You're right. You don't have to stay in my room with me if you don't want to."

Opening the bedroom door, he ushered her out of the room, his head tempted to hang in shame from his behavior. Tenten's heart urged her to stay despite her walking out of the room as she had originally intended; very rarely does the Hyuga Prodigy know how to apologize, but now she knew she had to follow through with her word. By the time her body reacted to what she desired, he had already shut the door behind her. The tears started to flow faster than she had anticipated. She hated these fights...

"Neji, I'm sorry..."

It was day fourteen since Shikamaru and his squad arrived at Sunagakure. Today was an important day for Shikamaru, an even more important day for Temari. Tenten wasn't there, for whatever reason. All that Shikamaru knew was that there were marital problems for the umpteenth time.

Whenever they had issues, it would make him nervous around the idea of marriage. They loved each other, but when they butted heads, everyone around them would suffer. They were both being idiots about the whole thing.

Temari barely smiled while she signed off on the paper at the front desk. The receptionist was trying to be as smiley and bubbly as possible, but it didn't affect her mood. She was still a bit abysmal, but It had been more than three weeks since it all happened.

She still couldn't sleep well, she barely ate at times. Shikamaru had to coax her into it most of the time. He had slept in his room on three occasions; otherwise, he was by her side.

Kankuro's presence would appear occasionally and Shikamaru could tell that he was confused about him being around his sister so much. He didn't press on it; he didn't want to bother her or make her feel any kind of way about the one person who seemed to help expedite her progress. At the same time, he wanted to find out...

"Shikamaru?"

He looked up at Temari, pulled away from his thoughts. She gestured towards the exit before he reached for her, taking her bag out of her hand. He gave her a genuine smile before following behind her as she led him down the hall to leave the hospital.

She had officially signed out.

He took the sheet of paper out of her hand that had her information and her requirements now that she was officially out of Suna Medical Center's care. At the bottom, he saw that it said she needed to visit a psychiatrist twice a week, on Tuesdays and Thursdays.

"You see this at the bottom right?" he questioned briefly. Once again in a strange daze, she looked at him as if she hadn't heard him. He pointed it out to her on the sheet of paper. "It says here that you have to go to the psych ward and talk to-"

She scoffed and rolled her eyes. Shikamaru knew that Temari didn't like that part of her assignment since she wasn't the most talkative about her situation.

"Temari..."

She didn't answer. That was one of the things he missed the most. Their bickering or her opinionated nature. The silence wasn't something that appealed to him even though he always thought he would be happy when Temari learned how to shut up.

"You have to talk to someone. If you don't want to talk to a shrink, then talk to me. That is what I'm here for, right? A support system for you?" he continued, feeling as though she was ignoring him at this point.

Who would have known her silence would be so painful?

"You know that you have to talk about it at some point, right? You can't hide this in your heart like you do everything else," he said in a sharper tone this time.

Still no reaction...

She stopped walking before she came to the exit door, letting out an anxious sigh. He gave her a look of confusion. She refused to respond before and now...

"What's wrong?"

She shook her head and cleared her throat. He could still tell she was anxious if anything else. Another thing he had never seen from her.

"I just haven't... Been outside for two weeks," she breathed. She hadn't even felt the sun on her face. Her room didn't even have a window. How would she respond to the thick, dry, humidity? The blazing sun that beat down on her back? Or the pain that she felt whenever sand hit her in the cheeks?

She looked down when she felt his hand take hers. It was a strange feeling, almost comforting yet awkward. Temari knew her personality would usually reject such behavior, but she felt better with his hand in hers.

Squeezing it tightly, he pushed the door leading her to the outside world open. Inhaling a large amount of air, she anticipated him leading her out onto the sand by shutting her eyes as tight as she could.

There wasn't a rush of heat or light that singed her skin or hair. The was actually an inviting breeze that tickled her cheeks. Finally exhaling, she felt relief all over as she looked out into the street.

People were carrying on with life, buying goods, running errands; children played amongst each other in, excitement gleaming from their eyes. Even after Temari stepped into the sunlight, it wasn't overbearing.

Shikamaru smiled at her relaxation. Today had been a rather lucky day. It wasn't hot and dehydrating and there were clouds hovering over, blocking the rays. He began to walk, tugging her along behind her.

"How does the park sound? So you can get used to this again?" he asked with a slight grin on his face. Temari couldn't suppress a smile before she looked away. It still gave her that reminder that her heart still beat. If felt dormant a lot of the time now.

The Suna park was one of Temari's favorite places too. It was an Oasis that Suna kept up to par by taking care of the grass and water reservoir. Ironically, not a lot of people visited it even though it was one of the most special areas that Suna had to offer.

"You know how much I love that place," she trailed offered, refusing to make eye contact. He pulled her along by the hand, hoping that he was still offering her some kind of comfort even in the predicament they were in.

As they walked down the street, many citizens greeted her, rejoiced and ecstatic to see her out of the hospital and that she was well enough to return to the streets. Temari waved and smiled weakly at all those who addressed her; even hugged the small children who clutched her at the ankles. At the same time, she was starting to feel overwhelmed.

Shikamaru's hand in hers didn't feel the same. It felt more awkward than comforting. The way eyes drew to it after they spoke to her was making her feel restless and targeted. Drawing unnecessary attention made her feel like eyes were stabbing into her back.

The Shadow Possessor took notice to it. He stopped walking on the dirt road before pulling her inside a small alleyway where there weren't many people

"You okay?" he asked. "Are you hot? Tired?"

She shrugged, unsure of how to describe the feeling herself. She felt as if everyone was staring at her. Everyone was conspiring about her. Her heart took her to the worst case scenario. What if they all figured it out? What if they know?

"Shikamaru... I can't... Can you just take me home?" she asked almost in a pleading tone. Shikamaru's eyes widened at her sudden emotional turnaround. He merely nodded, unsure of how to take the course of action.

She had seemed satisfied with visiting the park. It was the closest thing that resembled Konoha to her, he knew how much she loved grass and trees. And now...

He started to blame himself. Maybe he was trying to do too much at once. She hadn't been out the hospital that long and he was the reason she wasn't feeling well again.

"I'm sorry, Temari. We can go home," he whispered before taking her hand. He drew it to his mouth and gave her a brief kiss. He felt some resistance from her as if she didn't want him to do it as she instantly looked away. She was feeling more uncomfortable than before.

Even though Shikamaru's feelings were hurt, he started to lead her to her house. Temari bit her lip, resisting the desire to shed tears. She had survived it all, made it back home and had physically recovered from what had happened. Now she was gonna tear down all the emotional barriers.

"You cannot get involved, Kankuro. It is not your place," Gaara drawled, sounding rather monotonous. In the Kazekage office, Kankuro was talking to his brother on something that was unrelated to their country.

On the edge of the desk sat Ms. Yusa, twiddling her thumbs. Upon her lips was a distressed smile in regards to the Kankuro's specific predicament. This wasn't something simple in the least.

"But you should see the way he's been acting over Temari's recovery. It's absurd; yes he donated blood for her surgery, but... We should at least be able to go and get someone to replace him," Kankuro argued.

"I feel as though your intense desire to remove Neji is due to your feelings for his wife, which is not a plausible reason," Gaara calmly stated, hoping that his brother wouldn't take too much offense to it.

But he did.

"How I feel about Tenten has nothing to do with the disrespectful manner he has dared to uphold in Sunagakure. It is uncalled for," he argued, his cheeks starting to flush.

Yusa sighed and shook her head, seeing how emotionally attached the Puppet Master was to the Weapon's Mistress. It was undeniable.

"Water."

Yusa jumped at the command and quickly hurried out of the room to fetch her master some. She would not reveal her heated feelings about how Gaara used water as an excuse to dismiss her. He always did that whenever he felt she was listening too much or if she had nothing to do.

"Their marital issues-"

"What's going on between the Konoha Shinobi and Temari?" Gaara interrupted, jumping to a new subject. He himself had been even a little intrigued at why the Shinobi had been so interested in his sister, even then in her dire time of need.

Kankuro, almost unsure of what to say shrugged. He hadn't given it much thought due to his own mind occupied on the Hyuga family feud.

"I'm... Not sure actually," he started slowly, rather confused about the situation. He started to give it more thought slowly and surely.

"Shikamaru hasn't presented himself with any information to help aid the capture in Temari's attackers. The official investigation starts tomorrow and Shikaku already said he would fill his son's position because he doubted he would be capable of doing so," Gaara said in a suspicious tone.

"Shikaku is smarter though," Kankuro added.

"Yes, but something is going on."

"You got that right. We need to get this started first thing in the morning. I'm not even sure where Shikamaru is right now. I'm going to go visit Temari in a little bit though," he stated calmly before Gaara shook his head. "What?"

"Temari checked out this morning."

Kankuro's eyes widened in surprise and confusion.

"Why? Who's with her? How's she getting home? She doesn't need to be home alone by herself," Kankuro cried in a panicking tone.

"Shikamaru is escorting her."

Shikamaru shut the door behind him as Temari walked through the living room into the kitchen. The condo didn't resemble her home at all in Konoha, it was actually rather large in comparison.

It was built like a penthouse; they were already three stories up and the walk had seemed a lot longer than Shikamaru anticipated. The inside of the house had sandy white walls, the kind of sand at the beach just before the tide.

Everything was beautiful, elegant. Surprising enough, there were more pictures at this house than her home in Konoha. A lot of them were more recent too. There were pictures of him and Temari all over the house, even Lee and Naruto. He had never expected her to be some family-oriented.

When he turned back around, Temari was lounging on the couch, sipping a bottle of water. He eased over to join her, seeing her troubled expression.

The silence between them was thick again, and it was awkward like it always was. He didn't ask any questions, he just sat beside her and refrained from making any bodily contact.

The way she had reacted to his kiss on her hand stung his heart a little bit. The only thing she had really felt comfortable doing was being held, and even then sometimes it didn't work. He felt more helpless than ever.

He listened to her breathing. The sound was slightly labored as if she was trying to calm herself down. He examined her facial expression. The way she pursed her lips together showed the tension that outlined her face. She wasn't relaxed at all. Her eyes were gaping holes that were mildly confused.

All I want to do is help...

Nervous about how to approach her, Shikamaru ran through case scenarios in his head. He never was an emotional person, never someone who was willing to do all that he was doing. He wasn't sure what to even do; all he knew was that he wanted to help her so much it pained him.

"Temari..."

She looked up, pulled from her gaze. She had been staring through the water bottle, almost as if it was a looking glass. She could see everything through it as if it was in a haze.

Was that what Shikamaru saw when he looked at her? Something that was obviously there, but couldn't be figured out? She wanted to tell him, she wanted to tell someone, but she couldn't let it out...

She still wasn't able to speak. Helpless and vulnerable was all that she felt with every beat in her chest.

"I'm sorry," was all she seemed capable of choking out. His eyes widened when he saw the tears in her eyes. She forcibly blinked them back, she had promised herself she wouldn't ever cry again.

"Mari, don't do that. Why are you apologizing?" he asked soothingly. She bit her lip, smiling weakly at the nickname he used to always call her.

He reached over and pulled her close to him before laying back on the couch. He stroked her hair between his fingers and cradled her as if she was a small child.

"I thought I was doing better... But I'm not. It still feels the same," she whispered, digging her face into his chest. He didn't make a noise, only continuing to embrace her. She was still as tense as ever, not easing up in any form.

"Well, talk it to me," he offered as an alternative for the situation. She shook her head as he rolled his eyes in disappointment. He should have known that would be the answer to that offer.

"I can't. I'm embarrassed, ashamed... Do you know what that feels like?" she asked before sitting up, staring into his eyes. He looked away, feeling a little bad. He couldn't relate or understand how she felt.

"No, I don't... But help me understand so I can help you. You don't have to tell your life story unless you want to. It takes small steps. You can't rush this," he whispered before leaning forward to kiss her on the forehead.

She flinched again, just as she had done in the market. All too well she did she miss that feeling, but it was almost as if it was unknown to her. Such an innocent, gentle touch that was meant to help relinquish her feelings.

Shikamaru sighed at her reaction and sat back, closing his eyes, still stroking her hair. She started to feel guilty all over again.

"I don't want to hurt your feelings, Shikamaru. It's not that your touch feels bad, it's just foreign to me sometimes. Almost as if I forgot how to feel..."

He didn't answer her or give her any kind of signal to her understanding. It was depressing to him that this traumatic event could have done such a thing to her. It only made his boil from within and fear what she could have faced.

"Well, that's... What your psychologist will help you work through," he reminded her only resulting in Temari sitting up and staring at him in disbelief.

"No."

"Temari-"

"I said no, Shikamaru! I'm not going to talk to some whack job who thinks he understands how I feel and why I feel the way I feel," Temari said in a stubborn tone. Rolling his eyes, his passive nature attempted to take over, but he couldn't in the case scenario.

"Temari, if you don't do what the doctor says, they'll make you go back-"

"They won't make me do anything," she spat as if it was acid.

"If Gaara or Kankuro feel as though you aren't well because of your state of mind, they have the authority to make you go back. Why would you make your brothers go through that? I feel like they've been through enough as it is. They're out there trying to find your attackers as we speak, and they're going off nothing. The least you can do is try and recover and show some growth in going back to yourself," Shikamaru argued.

Temari went to open her mouth and speak, but no words came out. She was stumped. She actually felt rather bad about her thoughts and negative mindset.

"But why does it have to be a shrink?" she whispered so low he could barely hear her.

"You don't have to talk to a doctor. I told you, Mari, you can talk to me-"

"No, I can't! You would never look at me the same way ever again! You just don't understand, Shikamaru... You can't possibly-"

"How will I ever learn how to if you don't let me try?" he asked softly before pulling her back down into her arms. "You don't have to start until your ready. But you can't avoid the inevitable. Bottling this up is the worst thing you can do for yourself."

Temari swallowed the large lump in her throat, feeling her body start to shake all over. She wasn't going to cry again, she promised herself. She didn't feel any tears starting to leave her eyes, so she was at least in control of that much.

The silence wasn't as painful or awkward as before, it had more understanding in it this time. Sometimes, nothing needed to be said, even for them. He could feel the warmth of her body on his, the shudder of her shoulders in his arms. She was still tense, almost as if she was still scared.

She'll get better with time, was all he seemed to be able to tell himself. If she opens up to me some, maybe then I'll understand. And even if I don't, I can help her get through this.