Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns everything Twilight. No copyright infringement is intended.
Thanks to the lovelies mcc101180 & thir13enth from PTB for their beta skills!
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EPOV
It had taken us a little over three hours to drive to Portland. Bella was holding my hand as we drove through campus searching for Kenna Hall. She traced circles with her thumb on my palm. She knew I was anxious. She knew how her touch calmed me. She knew me so well.
The University of Portland had a beautiful campus, but I was not able to truly enjoy its beauty. There were too many thoughts in my head, too many emotions in my heart. It was hard to believe I was really here doing this today. I couldn't help but relieve the moments that have taken me here.
After a very fortunate minor league qualification game, I was asked to trials with the Seattle Sounders. I was at a turning point in my life. After all the shit I had been through, everything was finally turning around. I had met and fallen in love with an amazing woman, who inspired me to be better, and everything changed from there.
The trials were tough, but I gave them my all. Being signed by the Sounders was easily one of the highest accomplishments of my life, professionally at least. I couldn't believe I was being paid for doing one of the things I love the most. It was utterly fulfilling.
I played with the Sounders for nine years. We won five championships, and I even got to play for ten minutes with the US National Team at the World Cup. It wasn't much, but it was more than I'd ever dreamed of achieving. I was able to make a living out of soccer. I was able to provide for my family. I was able to do it without killing myself or being miserable.
Soon after I got signed to play with the Sounders, I bought a house and asked Bella to move in with me. For some inexplicable reason, Bella wanted to be with me. I didn't comprehend it then. I struggled with it still. Bella was in her sophomore, and we had only started being together, after failing miserably at taking things slow, but she agreed to move in with me nonetheless. That was one of the happiest days of my life. She was busy with school, and I was too, with games and practice, but we made it work.
When Bella graduated, I asked her to marry me. I struggled with that decision for years. Not because I didn't think Bella wanted to marry me, but because I didn't understand why she would.
According to Dr. Denali, I had self-esteem issues. I started seeing Dr. Denali for my anxiety isues. It was all part of the Sounders' well-being program. Bella was very supportive of me talking to someone else about my issues. I didn't think it was necessary at first, but I now realize how much Dr. Denali has helped me.
I was finally able to speak about my mother and all the resentment I had toward her. I came to realize that my mother blamed me for my father's leaving. She resented me for it. It destroyed her life. She turned to drugs to ease her pain, and that was all there was to it. All I remembered was being left alone, all the time. Anytime my mother would address me, it would be to tell me how I was not good enough. But I have put it behind me. I would not let my past shape my future.
I even went to see my mother at the mental institution where she had been for almost ten years. I told her I was fine, better than fine really, that I was happy. I told her that, despite everything, I had accomplished something for myself, and that I was getting married. I don't think she recognized me — she was too far gone — but it still felt good to tell her I was okay.
Bella and I got married the summer after her graduation. She was starting grad school that year at UW. It was a small ceremony given the sizes of our families, which basically consisted of Mandy and Bella's dad. Some of our friends came too. Even her friend Jacob came. He was still not my biggest fan, but at least he now respected Bella's choices. They still remained friends.
After being married to Bella, there was nothing I wanted more than to start a family. But I respected her choice of wanting to finish grad school first. The year before Bella graduated from grad school, I was starting my ninth season with the Sounders. I had thought about retirement, but it wasn't until the year when I got hurt that I really considered it.
I injured my back at a game. I tore the annulus of one of my lower vertebrae. I don't think I had ever been in so much pain — well, maybe during detox — but it was still excruciating. The worst part was not being able to move. It hurt even lying down. That was truly a tough year. I tried to recover and play that season, but it was too much, especially with virtually no pain medication, so I decided to retire. To this day, my back still bothers me from time to time, but I have stayed clean for thirteen years — ever since Bella agreed to be with me. I was now the men's soccer team head coach at UW, where Bella finally found her faculty position last year.
"Dad, it's here! It's here!" Mandy squealed from the back of the car, distracting me from my memories. I looked through the rearview mirror. Mandy's smile didn't fit on her face. I parked next to the dorms, my hand locking around the break. I was trying to take deeper breaths to relax. Bella rubbed my fingers, and I looked at her and she smiled.
"It's going to be fine," Bella whispered, and I let go of the parking break.
Mandy was already out of the car getting her stuff out. Bella looked at her and smiled. "Let's go," Bella told me and got out of the car. When I got to the back of the car, my two girls were embracing one another.
"I'll call you tonight," Mandy said to Bella. Bella nodded as she arranged Mandy's curls that had come out of her hair clip. "Thank you so much for helping me pack. Dad is so clueless!" Mandy said, giggling. Apparently women needed many choices of outfits, and jeans and t-shirts were just not enough. "I love you, Daddy," Mandy said, hugging me.
I held her securely against my chest. My throat was in knots— I couldn't find the right words to say. I breathed in the scent of her hair and lost myself in thought again.
When Mandy had come to live with Bella and me, she was only nine years old. Bella had always been supportive of my relationship with Mandy. Even though, biologically, she was my niece, in my heart, she was always my daughter. And Bella understood that so perfectly. Bella never tried to be a mother figure for Mandy, and Mandy loved her and admired her regardless.
Under Bella's encouragement, I had talked to Tanya about sharing custody of Mandy. Tanya's mother was on my side since I had a stable job and finally had some monetary means to take proper care of them. We arranged for Mandy to spend weekends and some holidays with Bella and me. But it wasn't until Tanya got sick that I really pushed for sole custody. And when Tanya died, Bella and I had just gotten married and Bella insisted we adopt Mandy. It had been rough for her, but she was such an awesome kid. She worked hard in school; I think she learned that from Bella. We had explained to her that I wasn't her biological father, that Masen was, but she said she didn't care. She said it didn't matter. She said I was and will always be her daddy. She was the most extraordinary kid I'd ever met and she was mine.
Mandy had shown an interest in soccer since she was little. I tried not to push it on her too much, but who was I kidding? I was elated that she found joy in soccer like I did. Mandy played soccer through middle school and junior high. She played on the varsity team in high school, and she was awarded a scholarship to go to the University of Portland. Like I said, she was an extraordinary kid. She was outgoing and friendly; she was active and funny; she was beautiful and feminine; she was smart — she was everything.
"Dad!" Mandy whined from under my arms, struggling to get out of my embrace. I reluctantly let her go and sighed. I was still unable to find the words to say to her. I was completely overwhelmed. "Okay… this is it," Mandy said, grinning excitedly and looking at me. "Bella, is he going to be okay?"
"Yeah…" Bella laughed. "Just give him a minute." Great, now they were making fun of me.
"Mandy, please be careful out here…" I was able to finally say.
"Have fun, sweetie," Bella said, touching Mandy's cheek.
"You are going to be great, Mandy, just as you have so far. I love you and I am so proud of you," I said through the knot in my throat.
"Dad, you promised not to make me cry!" Mandy hugged me again, wrapping her arms tightly around my neck. "Okay…" She took a deep breath once she let me go. "I love you both!" She barely got out before she turned around and left quickly. I lay against the car for support. Bella came closer to me and took the hand from my chest.
"She's going to be fine," Bella whispered, kissing my cheek and caressing my hair. "We'll see her in three months."
"I know. It's just. I—" I said, looking at her. "I never thought… I dreamed of being able to give this life to her, but I never thought I could."
"But you did, Edward. You gave her the childhood you never had."
As Bella's word sank in, a smile finally spread on my face. "And I'm ready to do it all over again," I said, rubbing her swollen belly, where my first son was growing inside of her. "But right from the beginning," I said, kissing her. "And with you."
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