Author's Note: This is a shameless Halloween chapter, an excuse to dress characters up as cool cats from cool games and cool films. I love Halloween. Hope you like it and have a happy, safe, and fun filled holiday! AND DRESS UP!
Oh by the way, my Jarvis is obviously Paul Bettany, since that actor does the voicing for Jarvis and he's amazing. Just so's you know (^_^)
Please read and review!
Disclaimer: I own nothing, not Sucker Punch, the Priest manga, Who Framed Roger Rabbit, Fight Club, Ann Aguire's Grimspace series, none of that.
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Chapter 21: October 31 and Expos
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Jane shivered in front of the floor length mirror propped up at the foot of her bed and tried to tug her costume in both directions to cover as much of her exposed skin as possible. When Pepper had asked her what she wanted to be for Stark's Halloween themed 2011 October Stark Expo, she had tossed out something completely at random based on the last good movie she could remember. She hadn't thought anything of it, her attention having been more directed at her training rather than on dressing up for Halloween.
And her training meant absolutely everything these days.
Approximately four weeks ago, Natasha had let it slip when she had had Jane in a headlock that Coulson's team had taken possession of an alternate Bifrost site on Earth.
Jane had been almost giddy when she had heard the news. To top that off, Nick Fury had stopped her in the hallway a day later and casually mentioned that if she wanted to resubmit her application for the Asgard team, he'd look it over.
"You've grown a lot Dr. Foster. When you first started this project, your gooey love struck eyes made me queasy. You've come a long way. I know Romanoff is a hard task master and she's promoted you with flying colors. That being said, the gooey eyes still creep me out, but I admire your dedication," he had said, a sort of reluctant admiration coloring his deep voice.
Jane had coughed and shuffled her feet embarrassedly. She didn't have gooey eyes, did she? "Um. Thank you?"
He had nodded to her then strode off, mumbling to himself about gooey eyes being the fault of too much disney.
Jane resumed tugging at the leather of her costume, shrugging off the memories.
When she'd told Pepper she thought she could be Sweet Pea from Sucker Punch she hadn't realized that Pepper would actually buy the costume used in the film, or how skimpy the costume would actually be. The corset cloak barely contained her chest but it did an excellent job of squeezing her torso like a tube of toothpaste. Jane spun in front of the mirror and chewed her lip.
On one hand the fact that so much skin was showing made her feel almost skeezy, but on the other hand she couldn't deny that the costume was sooo incredibly cool. Pepper certainly hadn't gone cheap when she'd 'borrowed' Stark's card for the Avenger's costumes. The corset cloak was real tooled soft leather and the pauldron fixed to her left shoulder was lightweight steel. She spun again, finally giving up on the fact that the costume wouldn't cover as much as she wanted it to, and enjoyed the way the heavy leather tails brushed her heels. She decided to forgo the bikini bottom the costume required and instead pulled on her shortest spandex workout shorts. Her modesty radar improved slightly after that.
Jane gave up looking at herself and plopped down onto the bed to tug on her boots. They were thigh high and took some acrobatics to get into. She had to resort to kicking the wall a few times to finally get her heels all the way down.
Darcy popped out of the bathroom in a cloud of steam and floral smelling perfume. "Good God Jane, what are you doing?"
"Getting my boots on. What are you do- WOW," Jane said, mouth open.
Darcy twirled, showcasing a tidy black dress that Jane was pretty sure had been stolen from Natasha. Darcy was too busty to fit into anything of Pepper's.
"You look really nice, but aren't you dressing up?" Jane asked, "The Expo's a costume party."
Darcy grinned mischeiviously. "Sorry boss lady, but I have a date tonight."
Jane slumped. "I have to go to the Expo by myself?"
"Yep," Darcy chuckled, "You have to fend for yourself among the caviar and the rich corporate costumed hunks. Whatever will you do?"
Jane smiled sadly, unable to help herself in thinking how much fun it would be if Thor were there. Her mouth drooled when she imagined him as James Bond, muscles straining against that sharp black suit, blue eyes flashing at her as that devastating smile worked its way up to her-
Jane smacked herself. Continuing that line of thought just meant uncomfortable awkwardness abound.
Darcy clucked sympathetically. "Thinking about Thor dressed in something horrendously sexy again?"
"Yeah," Jane sighed, "I really should know better by now."
The sound of a motorcycle roaring up to the trailer interrupted them. Little bits of gravel peppered the side of the trailer as the rider slid to a sharp stop. The rider revved the engine several times and Jane heaved herself to her feet, shrugging Sweet Pea's gun and sword harness onto her back.
"That's my ride," Jane said, fastening the harness clip at her chest, "Natasha said she'd give me a lift."
Darcy peeked out of the window and whistled. "Try not to die, that bike she's driving looks like a monster."
Jane grinned. "I'll do my best. Have a nice date, ditcher."
Darcy stuck out her tongue as Jane strode out the door. Jane paused at the sight of Natasha in Jessica Rabbit's slinky glittery red dress astride a blazing red Ducati Diavel. Jane shook her head and decided not to ask how the Black Widow was planning to drive an Italian racing bike in six inch red stilettos.
Jane slid onto the motorcycle behind Natasha, holding tight to her waist for dear life. She knew from painful experience that the Black Widow drove like a demon. Natasha revved the Ducati's 1198 CC engine, gravel spraying again in a wide arc as the bike jumped forward, roaring off into the desert like a hell hound after a wayward soul.
.x.
Natasha pulled to a stop outside of one of Vegas's premier luxury hotels, the Four Seasons, and tossed her keys at one of the more braver looking valets. Jane had to give the man credit: there was no way she would ever want to park something as impressive and as dangerous looking as the Diavel. When the man got close enough to put a hand on the handle bars, Natasha grabbed him by his vest front and gave him her best Black Widow glare.
"Not a scratch on this, you hear? Or I will pull every single one of your fingers off and see how many holes on your body I can fit them in," she hissed.
The man turned several shades of pale but he straddled the Diavel and puttered off to the parking garage. Jane was impressed that he'd been able to even drive after having Jessica Rabbit threaten to dismember him and plug leaks with his fingers. They walked up the white marble staircase where Coulson was helping one of the hotel staff usher people inside. Jane pitied him. None of the Avenger's agents would be able to really afford tickets but they had to be at the event, and so Coulson had to stand outside with the staff in order to have every single one of the non ticket toting individuals vetted. Jane was disappointed to see Coulson was still in his trademark black suit.
"What're you dressed up as?" Jane asked when he nodded at them.
"A Man in Black," he deadpanned.
Jane snorted. "More like Captain Lazypants."
The hotel staff standing nearby snickered and Coulson went pink before he shooed them inside.
Jane was not sadly not surprised when they walked into the grand ballroom, however. It was amazing how many of the Avengers attending were just incredibly lazy and opted to dress as themselves for the evening, rather than actually hunt down a good costume.
Jane had absolutely no idea how Stark found them in the Four Season's glittery and crowded ballroom, but he zeroed in on them seconds after they walked in the door. He wormed his way in between she and Natasha, throwing his arms over both their shoulders. It was not surprising that he had already started in on the liquor, and if the bottle of champagne dangling from his fingers wasn't a good indication than the smell of fancy booze around him would have been. Natasha brushed off the confetti he'd gotten on her and Jane tugged the bottle from his hand after pulling Sweet Pea's hood over her face. The lights were much too bright.
"What are you?" Jane asked.
Stark had dyed his hair an ugly ginger, and rubbed glitter and white makeup all over his skin. He sparkled worse than a Vegas stripper when the spotlights hit him right.
He grinned and threw his arms wide. "Irresistible, baby."
Jane shielded her eyes from all the glitter and rhinestones covering every exposed inch of him, and turned to Natasha. "What's Stark supposed to be?"
"Some sort of vampire I think," Natasha said, pursing her lips in thought.
"Since when do vampires sparkle?"
"I don't know, but the ladies won't leave him alone."
"Why Sweet Pea? The other blond one was cuter," Stark snipped, clearly annoyed that they were picking on him.
Jane shrugged. "Snyder modeled all of those characters after video game ones, and Sweet Pea was the tank. I've been a nerd all my life and played a lot of games, and any time I could I tanked. Hence the Sweet Pea costume."
"Eh. The other one was still hotter. Besides, shouldn't you be blond?"
Jane rolled her eyes and snagged a bite of something small and colorful, and entirely unfulfilling from a stone-faced passing waiter. "I am not dying my hair. Or wearing a wig. Both options itch."
.x.
Darcy had borrowed Jane's van in order to meet with her date. She'd met Jackson Hicks when Jane had been in the hospital. He'd been the hunk in scrubs with irresistible eyes, and when he'd asked for her number after the whole thing with the pocket wormholes was over she'd practically given him her cell.
He had given her very precise directions but the building she'd parked in front of did not match the ritzy date he'd promised her. It was a restaurant alright, but it looked like it had been closed down in the 80's. All of the windows were dark and boarded up and there was graffiti and trash everywhere. Darcy grumbled to herself. Of course the good looking prick was too good to be true. Why couldn't she ever find a nice boy? She remembered hearing somewhere that a nice boy was like a rare albino aardvark near a mine field. It looked like Jackson Hicks had stepped on a social mine at a young age.
Well she wouldn't let him get the best of her. If she knew anything about immature boys, he was lurking in there trying to scare her, and boy was she going to taser his ass when she found him.
Darcy grabbed her purse and her trusty taser and headed to hunt down her creepy date and give him a piece of her mind.
The door to the restaurant was open, and when she went inside a figure wrapped in a heavy duty trash bag sealed with duct tape calmly slashed all four of the van's tires. The van slumped with a sigh of escaping air and the figure moved silently into the restaurant after her, serrated hunting knife glinting in the moonlight.
.x.
"Ladies and gentlemen!"
Stark's voice boomed out across the crowd, which shrieked and screamed and cheered as one. He hopped up onto the massive stage and the wide screen behind him showed digital pumpkins exploding into confetti while real spark cannons and confetti cannons fired off beside him. The crowd clapped and Stark gave a sharp little bow, grinning, ever the enthusiastic showman. The screen behind him cut to a closeup of his face.
"Ladies and Gentlemen, WELCOME TO THE 2011 STARK EXPO," Stark bellowed, microphone carrying his voice out across the crowd, "We are here to better YOU! This little gathering has a few things for you, some of which, I have humbly asked my butler Jarvis to model."
Jane giggled. Poor Jarvis.
The spotlight pointed off to stage left and Jane had to admit she was surprised when a thin, tall man with short sandy blond hair who looked to be in his late thirties or early forties walked almost nervously out on stage to stand next to Stark. He blinked when the bright lights hit him and gave the crowd a nervous little wave and a slight smile. Jane didn't know if it was one of Stark's bad jokes, but he'd put his butler into a black Priest costume with a smudge of dark paint in the shape of a cross on his forehead. Stark flung and arm around Jarvis's shoulders and grinned.
"I give you the new medical breakthrough Plasti-Skin! It is designed to bond to its host, and it's better than a skin graft folks because no human host will reject a Stark product!" Stark said, poking at Jarvis's cheek.
Jarvis pinched him back much to the delight of the laughing crowd before offering them a short bow and walking back off stage.
Jane handed Natasha the bottle and the Black Widow took a deep swig of it. Stark had resumed hawking the Stark Company wares, all in the name of bettering humanity. The costumed crowd was still watching Stark, enthralled, and Jane took a moment to survey them. Most of the people there had a lot of money to be able to afford an Expo ticket, so most of the costumes were very elaborate. There was a Cleopatra strutting around with what looked like all of Fort Knox glued to her voluptuous body, and a Kerrigan from Star Craft was haunting the buffet tables and using her multitude of arms to snag hors d'oeurves. Director Fury was glowering off in a corner at the festivities in Tyler Durden's trademark red leather jacket and floral button up shirt.
"Wow, does he go all out every year?"
Jane and Natasha turned. A scruffy familiar young man in a surprisingly accurate Spider Man costume stood behind them, with a heavy black photographer's camera and a Spider Man mask tucked into his belt. Jane wracked her brain, trying to figure where she'd seen him before.
"You're Peter Parker," Natasha supplied for her, "That Bugle photographer who's been asking about the Skinwalker."
"One and the same," he said smiling, "But I'm here to cover the Expo tonight. Unless you know something about the Skinwalker?"
Jane sighed. "Hardly."
He grinned and shoved his glasses up his nose. "Didn't think so. Never hurts to try though."
"Yep. Too true. Good costume by the way."
"Thanks."
"Ugh, what a nightmare," a clipped British voice said behind them, "When Stark said he was going to 'unveil me', I thought for sure at the very least it would be some wretched costume or a dirty joke. This was worse."
Jarvis joined their little group and Jane sympathetically offered him the bottle. He took a swig and shook his head. "I can't even taste it yet," he said mournfully.
Natasha laughed at him. "Well, you're on your own kids. I can see our Fight Club King waving me over. Better go see what he wants before he decides to start a scrap pit on the dance floor."
"Hey," Parker said, "First rule of Fight Club is that you do not talk about Fight Club."
Jane snorted.
Natasha left for Fury's corner and Jane did not envy her. Nick Fury was bound to be even more annoyed and cranky than he usually was due to the crowd and the lights and the noise. He didn't seem like a man who would deliberately enjoy any sort of Stark party.
.x.
Darcy whirled as something crunched behind her and her heart sank into her stomach when she saw the trash bag clad figure standing behind her. Her brain processed the knife and the steel eyed glint in Jackson's eyes in the space of two seconds and realized his intent. Not only was he a skeeze, but apparently he was also a would-be murderer. With practiced ease she drew her taser from her purse and got him right in the neck.
He shrieked and dropped like a stone shaking with the force of the charge, but once the electrical charge stopped he was after her again, lurching to his feet like a ghoul.
Darcy didn't wait for him to get her, she ran pushing speed dial on her phone as she scrambled away looking for a place to hide. The phone dialed and she cursed when she saw Jane's number on the tiny screen. No offense to her boss, but she'd meant to dial 911 and forgotten that she'd changed the speed dial menu. She fumbled for the phone's keyboard, fingers slipping on the smooth plastic in her panic while she strained to hear signs of her attacker's pursuit. Darcy let out a quiet cry of dismay when her panicked grasp dropped the cell and the little phone skittered away under the counter where she couldn't reach it.
"Found you," Jackson said, voice soft.
His voice was inches from her ear.
Darcy looked up and didn't hesitate and drove her fist straight into his grinning face, wishing she'd paid more attention when Jane had been training. Jackson reeled back, blood arching from his broken nose. Darcy turned to run again and his fingers dug into the back of her leg, tripping her. She screamed as she fell onto the dirty floor, clawing at the ground as he drug her backwards.
.x.
Jane's phone rang.
She saw Darcy's number on the screen and sighed, annoyed, hoping that her assistant hadn't butt called her when she was in the middle of sexy time. Again. Ew, ew ew ew. Jane's finger hoovered over the 'ignore' button, not wanting to listen in on the stuff going on if Darcy had accidentally dialed her like she did nine times out of ten. Listening in on her assistant's love life was not on Jane's list of to do items. Then she sighed and pushed 'accept'. Might as well see what she wanted; it could be something important. Jane shouldered the phone as she balanced the champagne bottle and a plate of food, struggling to hear through all of the noise of the party.
She could hear muffled voices and grumbled to herself when she realized that Darcy had butt dialed her. Again. Jane almost hung up, but then she heard Darcy scream: high pitched and terrified. A man's voice, guttural and angry, could be heard snarling in the background. Jane paled. Something was wrong.
Parker had been watching her face change from annoyed and exasperated to terrified.
"Is everything okay?" he asked quietly.
Jane offered him a trembling smile while she looked worriedly around for Natasha, who was no where to be found. "N-no, I'm fine. Everything's okay."
Jane bent close to Jarvis to whisper as quietly as she could. "Can you trace this?"
His hearing appeared to be much better than hers and he could hear the phone's tiny speakers perfectly. His brow furrowed. "Yes."
"Good. Come with me, I'm stealing Stark's Bugatti and we're going to rescue Darcy."
Natasha's motorcycle would have been less conspicuous choice than Stark's two million dollar sports car, but Jane had no idea how to ride one and she doubted Jarvis did either. Jarvis would be able to get the car from the valets. She decided to chalk motorcycles up on her list of things to learn. Jarvis spared one glance back at Stark still on stage before he followed Jane out of the ballroom at a dead run.
A moment later, Peter Parker followed them, pausing only to hide his camera behind a dumpster and to pull his mask over his head.
.x.
It was taking everything she had in order to stay ahead from him. Several times he'd almost caught her. Darcy was in the kitchen. She'd had to contort to fit herself inside the hollowed out dishwasher, but it was a better hiding choice than the closet or the walk in freezer. Besides, it was remotely cleaner in the dishwasher. The freezer had smelled like poison death from an animal that had crawled in there to die. She held her breath. He had walked over the place four or five times often pausing near her hiding place, but ultimately moving on each time. She could hear him calling her name softly in his creepy voice.
Psh. Like she'd come out. Sure, right Mr. Crazy Murderer man, walking out there seems like a genius plan.
She could hear him pacing into the kitchen again calling softly for her to come out. Darcy froze and waited for him to pass and hoped he wouldn't hear her breathing. He paused outside her dishwasher, listening, and she could see the sides of his feet from the thin crack in the door. It was getting harder and harder for her to be quiet. There was a broken piece of plastic poking her in the back and it hurt like the dickens. For a moment it was quiet, safe for the almost inaudible crunch of his weight shifting on the dirty floor and her quiet frightened breathing. Then her face was flooded with blinding light as he yanked the door down and yanked her out screaming by her hair.
He struck Darcy across the face and she recoiled from the blow yet was unable to get away as he still had a death grip on her hair.
"That's for my nose, bitch," he snarled.
Darcy snarled right back. She reached into the remains of the dishwasher and yanked out the broken piece of plastic in a long shard.
"What are you doing," he yelled, "You tryin' to escape, huh?"
Darcy concealed the plastic against her thigh and had no trouble faking tears. When he drug her up she rammed the long dirty plastic shard into the closest body part she could reach. Over three inches of her makeshift shiv sank into his skin just inside his collarbone. He flung her away from him with a loud cry, trying to get the thing out of his chest as blood welled out around the plastic, and she careened into the wall. Then he realized his mistake and he made a snatch for her but Darcy was already off and running, trying to get away.
.x.
When Stark had taken her out for her birthday, he hadn't driven slow but he'd also stayed within the realms of reason. Jane had the gas petal glued to the floor and the massive 16 cylinder engine was moving the car at breakneck speeds back across the desert to Puente Antiguo. The dim night scenery was rushing past in a dark indeterminable blur. She paused only to change direction due to Jarvis's quiet and calm instructions. Jane finally glanced over at him and was a little surprised to see that he was completely unconcerned with how many laws she was breaking.
"Aren't you scared?" she asked, zipping around a little Honda Civic clicking along at a measly 65 miles per hour, "Because I'm a little nervous."
Jarvis looked up from where he'd carefully following something on the Bugatti's built in computer. "I'm not alive, Ms. Foster. If you crash and die Stark will merely upload me into something else. My files are backed up elsewhere. I am not afraid."
"Well," Jane swallowed, "At least I know where I stand."
Jarvis smiled lightly then frowned. "There," he said, pointing at a dilapidated restaurant called Skinny Minnie's, "The phone signal is in that building."
Jane screeched to a halt in a spray of gravel and spilled out of the car. She jiggled the restaurant's door handle and shrieked in frustrated rage to discover that it was locked.
"Out of the way," Jarvis ordered.
He drew back a fist and hit the rusty handle, hand driving a hole straight through the door with the handle falling with a clang on the other side. He pulled his hand out and the Plasti-Skin had peeled away from the alloy of his hand, revealing the shiny metal underneath. Jane pushed past him and kicked the door down, the little bit of rusted deadbolt still left in the door giving way under her booted foot. The door crashed in and Jane's brain took a second to process the scene playing out in front of her: Darcy was crouched, bleeding in several places with dress torn and filthy, holding a chair out in front of her WWE style while a man in a trash bag stood in front of her holding a bloody hunting knife bigger than Jane's hand.
Jane wasted no time.
She un-clipped Sweet Pea's harness as it would only slow her down. It dropped to the floor with a clunk and she stepped over it to engage Darcy's attacker. Jane was glad that she was wearing reinforced leather gloves with steel plates on the knuckles; it would help improve her chances. She briefly registered Jarvis going to go help Darcy, and then her brain settled into the combat mode that Natasha had so often tried to instill in her. Jane ducked under his first wild swing, knife arching in a pale gleam above her head, and she hammered a hard punch into his kidney. She danced away nimbly before he could get a grip on her.
They settled into the familiar pattern Jane recognized from the training mats. The only difference was that Natasha had never tried to kill her. This was different, this was real, but the dance was still the same. She was new to the whole fighting for one's life thing, but she was faster than he was and she'd had more training. He was wild and angry, swearing and losing control. He was obviously unused to his victims having combat training and knowledge of combative situations.
She bided her time, waiting for an opening, staying just out of the reach of his blade.
He made another wild thrust at her with the knife. Jane jerked her head sharply to one side and the serrated edge slid past her face with a soft swishing noise, just missing her hood. She grabbed his wrist as it went past her in an iron grip. With one had on his wrist and the other on the back of his neck, she helped his face down with a wet sounding crunch into her raised leather clad knee.
Jackson Hicks dropped like a stone, screaming and clutching his face, blood gushing from his fingers.
Jane didn't take any chances but stomped her heavy booted foot onto the back of his neck and she heard another crunch. His body went still and Jane stood there in the sudden quiet, chest heaving, waiting to see if he'd get up again. Jarvis, supporting Darcy, came and surveyed the body.
"He's dead," he said simply, not bothering to even check the body.
Jane felt dead herself. She'd never killed anyone before. The worst she'd ever done was run over the neighbor's annoying poodle in college, and that had been a complete accident.
She swallowed and Darcy laid a scuffed up hand that Jarvis had clumsily bandaged on her shoulder
.x.
Spider Man crouched on the top of a light pole outside the restaurant, watching Dr. Foster and Stark's robot butler take out a would be murderer.
He'd followed originally to see what he could do to help but after watching a moment figured that they had it all under control. When he was younger he would have rushed in blindly to save the innocent. But the people here were not innocent, and with the war coming the Avengers would need all they could get. This experience would baptize Dr. Foster into a soldier that the Avengers could use.
Spider Man cocked his head, listening. His excellent hearing picked up sirens in the distance and he felt that it was high time he disappeared into the night. The Avengers had been after him for a while, but he preferred to work alone. While the S.H.E.I.L.D. operatives certainly had man power and superior equipment, there was so much more drama. He got more work done by himself.
He sprang off the light pole and was gone before the first Avengers vehicle screeched into the parking lot. If he would have stayed, he would have been a little shocked to see Jessica Rabbit pop out of the first black suburban toting a massive military issue black M24 sniper rifle followed by an irritated Tyler Durden with an eye patch.
.x.
Natasha found Jane sitting outside the restaurant, hood back and hands clasped together. The desert wind toyed with her brown hair and she looked oddly serene considering the events that had gone down that night. Natasha sat next to her and took off her red heels, massaging her feet with a groan.
"You okay?" she asked finally.
"I killed a man tonight," Jane said finally.
"Yep, that you did."
"Does it get easier?"
"Yes. But trust me, you don't want it to. Hold on to that feeling, Dr. Foster," Natasha said quietly.
Jane nodded, not really wanting to speak.
"Besides," Natasha said, "Darcy would have died tonight had you not acted. You lost a little part of yourself, but you saved a life. Is that not worth it?"
Jane smiled slightly and nodded. They were quiet a moment, watching the rising sun slowly pinking the flat desert horizon.
"How did you find us?" Jane asked finally.
Natasha laughed. "We had a call over the police scanner that a girl in steampunk bondage gear and a priest were kicking the shit out of a wanted multiple murderer at a broken down restaurant called Skinny Minnie's."
Jane shook her head ruefully. That one would be going down in the record books somewhere.
.x.
To be continued...