A/N - I couldnt think of where to take this fic after the last chapter. Thank you to Raven Shadowrose for the idea and for reading parts for me - where would I be without you? I typed this on my phone so please forgive me for any punctuation or grammar errors. Enjoy my lovely Readers.

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Dixie's POV

Time seemed to stand still. I saw Jeffs mouth moving but I couldn't hear the words apart from the last sentence.

"Please, I am begging you. Please let me make it up to you."

Make it up to me? Was he for real? I looked around the Rec Room, all eyes were on us, on Jeff but most importantly all eyes were on me, they were waiting for my answer but I wasn't ready to give it yet. To be honest, I don't know myself what my answer is going to be, I have shared so much with this man, my home, my life, everything. It has all been ripped from under me, my whole life has come crashing down around me. Does he really think flowers and a public admission of fault is going to fix this?

I got up and walked out of the room, out of the station and into the Peace Garden. I couldn't think with Jeff looking at me, I couldn't process anything as I met his gaze, I know leaving him hanging was cruel but he deserves it. Right?

I need to think about our life together, I need to figure out if I can go back to him. I figured I need to start at the beginning, take a brisk walk down memory lane. Surely the good times outweigh the bad right? Oh God I don't know anymore.

I first met Jeff back in February 2007. He transfered here from St James. He was late and proceeded to be a complete arse all shift, I so wanted to punch his lights out by the end but there was something about him that changed my mind about him, made me give him a second chance. I still don't really know what that was, maybe I will never know but I was pleased I didn't kick his arse out that day.

I have so many memories of my life with Jeff. He helped me get the confidence to talk to Cyd, he came back to me when I needed him the most when she left. I helped him through his divorce with Lucy, held him as he cried when she took his kids. He supported me through the whole Malone thing even though I pushed him away, he kept on coming back like a boomerang.

I guess it was those two major events that brought us closer together. My love for Jeff has grown over the years we have been together. I guess it was when we started to live together, I took on the role of the "domesticated Housewife", I felt the need to look after him, to make him proud and happy to live with me. I had been alone for so long that I didn't want to feel lonely again. I did his washing, undies as well, cleaned, cooked, made him birthday cakes, shopped, cared for him. He did all the 'bloke' type jobs around the house, changed light bulbs, decorated, fixed things etc. We were happy together, very happy.

I remember our wedding, it was one of the most uncomfortable experiances of my life but it showed me how much Jeff loved me. He did it to make me happy, to please my dad and I will always be indebtted to him for that. We could have divorced straight away, we could get it annulled as the marriage has never been consumated but I just cannot bring myself to do that to him. Well, that was before the accident, before he changed towards me, before he changed. Now I am not sure, for the first time I Kathleen Collier am in a quandry. What do I do?

I remember that day well, the one that changed everything between us. I cursed playing the hero, for playing superman. The trouble is, Jeff thinks he is invincible, nothing can harm him. You would have thought that narrowly escaping a gunman would have calmed him down but no, not my Jeffrey. Hang on, is he still my Jeffrey?

I don't think I have ever been so scared in my entire life as I was when that Shopping Centre came down knowing that he was still inside. I stood there helpless as brick after brick tumbled down. I can remember seeing our time together flashing before me and wondered if I would ever get the chance to make more memories with him again. I knew I had to remain professional and treat people but my mind was always on Jeff, would he be lucky and get out alive?

We don't have a conventional relationship, we share a house, car, dog and surname. We even have joint bank and savings accounts but don't share a bed or anything so I really struggled with the notion of having to do everything for him, see him at his most vulnerable. At the end of the day I am his wife, I made those vows to stand by him in sickness and in health, to love, honour and obey. I followed them to the letter but what good did it do me?

I am sitting here struggling to remember all thother e good times we have spent together, they have been replaced by hurt and sadness. Jeff has never been angry with me like this, yeah we have had disagreements but as soon as the last cross word is said we are making up. We always kiss and make up before snuggling down together to watch TV. I saw something different in Jeff over the last eight weeks and it scared me. He blamed me for it all and made pay. When I close my eyes at night I relive the hidings I got, I see again the anger and hatred in his eyes, his determination for me to feel pain. The man I have shared so much with, given so much to, loved so much changed. Everything we have made together has crashed down around me, can I forgive him? Is he telling the truth? Will I go back home to a hiding and to be shouted at, called everything under the sun? Or does he really mean it? I just don't know if I trust him anymore.

I feel tears building up as I start to think about moving on with my life without Jeff. We would have to sell the house and car, split the money in the accounts evenly, decide who will take Abs. Then there is work, one of us will have to transfer. It is heartbreaking to think it could come to this. Can I live without Jeff? Could I rebuild my life without him? Will I ever trust or get close to anyone again?

He has turned me into a wreck. I look in the mirror each day and I don't recognise myself. I am pale, thinner, have bags under my eyes and bruises all over my body. I have lost everything that made me Dixie. Jeff took it all from me. I gave him my life, my time, my love, my energy and he took everything. Does he still love me? Does he want me back to save our relationship? Or does he want me back to be his carer? His punchbag? Do I still love him?

I used to be a woman who knew exactly what she wanted and how she was going to get it. I knew I wanted to be Operations Manager and worked hard to get it. I knew I wanted to make my Dad happy before he died and did the only thing I thought was right at the time. Right now, I don't know what I want but I know I need to find out why. Why has the man who I thought loved and cared for me hurt me so much?

Slowly I make my way back to the Ambulance Station, as soon as I walk in memories of Jeff's voice echo around me like some whirlwind of torment. I look over to our Ambulance and think back to all the hours, days we have spent in there together. This place holds too many memories, all those happy times have been replaced. All I can remember are the arguments.

The Rec Room is empty, people obviously got bored of waiting for me. I can see Josh in the office with Polly, they have been great today, they really came through for me. My attention turns to Jeff who is on his own sat on the sofa. He is cradling the flowers and clutching some papers. I look at his face, he is looking down but worry is plastered across his features.

I love Jeff, not romantically but as a best friend. We have been through so much and stayed so strong, why is it so different now? I am still struggling with the notion of living my life without him. We are so close, sorry, were so close. We were loving towards each other at home, always at home never at work we kept our private life private. Everyone needs to be held now and again, needs a good cuddle. We were no different. We often hugged, cuddled up and did things to cheer the other up. We have an open marriage but seem to stay together a lot. I just cannot see for the life of me how we can cheer each other up after this.

I need to face him but I am scared. I cannot believe how scared I am of him now, that frightens me more I think. Slowly I push the door open. Jeff looks up as I walk in and sit down as far away from him as possible. I sense Josh and Polly in the corridor, they want to be on hand should Jeff do anything.

I cannot bring myself to look at Jeff, I look to the floor. I shock myself at how timid and quiet my voice is, I have lost everything that makes me Dixie, will I ever get it back? Can I move on from this?

"W..w...why Jeff?"

"Babe I am so sorry. I regret everything. I let you down so badly and I am so so sorry. Please let me make it up to you. Please say you will stay and give me another chance. Please Dix."

"I...I...don't know I can."

I retreat further into the seat as Jeff starts to move towards me. I am scared of him, I never thought I would be. Jeff looks hurt as he backs off, I don't know what he wanted to do but Josh stepped in.

"Stay where I can see you Jeff."

"Josh I only want to hold her and that's the truth mate."

"I am not your mate. Stay where I can see you."

Jeff made eye contact with me, I could see them watering, was he telling the truth? Did he really want to hold me or is this an elaborate ploy to get me to agree to come home so he can shout and smack me again? Bloody hell. Has it really got so bad that I am questionning his motives?

"Dix please. I promise I will never hurt you again. Please come home."

"I don't know if I can Jeff. You hurt me so much when all I have done is care for you. I can't come back, I just can't." Tears were streaming down my face as I spoke. Tears were cascading down his face too. I couldn't take it anymore. I ran towards Josh and Polly trying to block out Jeff screaming my name. This hurt so much, so much more than the hidings and name calling.

I collapsed into a heap on the floor as Polly held me close. I could hear Jeff shouting after me, I could hear the hurt in his voice. It got worse when I heard him properly break down when Josh said he would be over later to collect my things and that I would be living with Polly. I heard him cry hard when he was told the nurses will be looking after him and he would have to get used to living life without me.

I couldn't believe it had really come to this. This is what our relationship had come to, all those years and it ends like this.