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Chapter 20

My hands were trembling as I broke, first a Valium, then a Vicodin, in half. I shoved them in my mouth, then cupped my hands under the bathroom faucet to collect water so I could swallow. It didn't exactly work, and I could taste the bitterness all around the inside of my mouth. Fortunately I had some Cheez-Its in my bag, which I ate as I sat in the farthest stall from the entrance.

I wasn't crying. I mean, ok, tears were streaming out of my eyes down my cheeks, but that was it. I wasn't sobbing or taking gasps or any of that nonsense. That would be stupid, crying over a boy who hadn't so much as kissed me on the lips yet.

So I wiped my face and chewed my crackers and waited for the pills to kick in. While I was waiting, I convinced myself that I wasn't upset so much as angry at Edward for butting in to my private business. He wasn't my boyfriend – or my father, for that matter – so it was none of his business if I got high with Tyler or Jacob once in a while. Except for the first time, it had all been purely recreational, and while I knew he didn't even approve of drinking for himself, he surely couldn't have that much of a problem with other people doing it. So, really, Tyler had no business telling him all this, and he had no business being upset about it. I wasn't on a slippery slope back to smoking pot or heroin every day, and I was only taking the damn Vicodin because I had a damn broken nose.

The anger burned off any urge to tear up I had. I put the rest of the crackers back in my bag, washed the crumbs off my fingers and face, and headed over to Biology early. I took out a paperback to read while I waited for everyone else to scatter in.

Mike Newton came in at some point before the bell rang and tapped me on the shoulder. "Hey, Bella, are you ok?"

"Yeah, I'm fine." By this point I really was. The drugs had kicked in and I felt like nothing was as important as I'd been making it out to be. "Someone told Cullen they saw me making out with that guy at the beach," I whispered, rolling my eyes.

He seemed taken aback. "You weren't, were you?"

"Of course not. And I'm not even dating Cullen, so it's not his business if I am."

"I thought you asked him to the dance?"

"Just as friends."

Mike raised his eyebrows. "Does he know that?"

"Yeah, but you know how boys are."

Mike sort of smiled and blushed and looked at his feet. "Yeah," he muttered. He slowly looked up at me, but then something else caught his eye and he stammered, "I'll talk to you later, Bella," and almost ran to his desk.

I was about to ask him what his deal was when I felt it. Edward took his seat next to me. "Good afternoon, Bella," he said as always, but he sounded like he was gritting his teeth while he said it.

"No thanks to you," I hissed. I glanced at him for a second, and his face crumpled for a minute. He looked almost as upset as I'd been. I almost wanted to write him a note, but figured he didn't deserve it.

So we didn't say anything else to each other during the whole period. I was glad, really, that he was upset instead of self-righteously gleeful or whatever. I did look at his hands occasionally; they were gripping the desk when he wasn't taking notes. I was really glad that today was a lecture day instead of a lab day.

As soon as the bell rang, Edward grabbed his bag and practically ran out. Mike was staring at him as he walked up to me. "Jesus, Cullen must not have believed you," he remarked.

"Oh, I didn't exactly deny it," I said slowly. "I just said it wasn't any of his business."

Mike raised his eyebrows at me. "Damn, Bella, you… are… something else."

We walked to gym pretty much in silence.

I was still feeling floaty by the time I got home, so when there was a knock on my door, I just opened it without even looking.

"Hi Alice," I said. "Come to do homework?"

She shook her head. "Bella, what happened today?"

"What, Edward didn't tell you?" I almost sneered, but Alice didn't deserve that, no matter what kind of douchebag her brother was being. At her headshake, I summed up how, since Edward wrote me that odd note about her taking me to the party, I'd been smoking out with Tyler at least once a week. Till he tried to kiss me. She knew about that, of course, but I hadn't filled her in on his phone calls since then. I also told her about smoking out with Jacob Black at the beach, and how he sort of tried to hit on me too.

"Anyway, after I confirmed what Tyler told him was true, Edward was really pissed off at me."

Alice's jaw had dropped at the beginning of my story, and was still gaping at me. "Oh my gosh," she'd kept repeating, and now she said it again. "Wow."

"So, are you gonna stop talking to me too, now?"

"Of course not!" She seemed almost offended that I suggested it. "I'm not totally self-righteous like some people."

I felt some tension drop. "Really?"

She reached over and hugged me. "Really. I'm not totally thrilled, ok, but from what you've said, if you're being honest now –" here she gave me a look, and I rolled my eyes and nodded –"it hasn't been like every day or whatever. I mean, skipping school to smoke pot isn't that great, but doing it in general, it doesn't bother me that much, as long as you aren't getting in too deep."

I shook my head. "Like I said, just once a week."

"Then I'm happy if you're happy." And with that, we got out our homework.

About an hour later, Alice said, "Are you going to call Edward?"

"What for?"

"To tell me what you told me."

I rolled my eyes. "He knows pretty much what I told you. That's why he's mad at me."

"I think he's more mad that you were hiding it from him."

"Well of course I'm going to hide it from him!" I said, exasperated. "He's a self-righteous asshole! And it isn't any of his business!"

Alice sighed, and didn't mention Edward again.