Hey guys! :D Omg, I'm so happy :3 Today marks a full year since I've uploaded this fanfic! Can you believe that? I certainly can't...Anyways, I'm glad I noticed this yesterday, since I'm happy to have uploaded chapter 21 today :) Sorry If I've only been uploading about once a month, but I really appreciate you all for forgiving me! And for the readers who have been reading this fanfic ever since I uploaded chapter 1 (and even of course everyone who continues to read no matter when they found my fanfic) All I can say is: Thank you.

A Cup of Tea

Iwaki paced himself as he was surrounded by a barrage of bookshelves, scanning the area thoroughly for new novels he could purchase. Taro's face hadn't appeared ever since the incident that took place that night, and nearly a week had passed with Iwaki drowning himself in written literature and continuing to add on scars to his no longer picture perfect body. Along with the fact that he continued to reject eating properly, he declined any offers to meet up with Renji for his weekly visits to the Center, and the young man could tell by the lack of life in the aged actors voice that he knew something had gone wrong. Trying to shake away this disturbing sensation that coursed through his veins, Iwaki continued to search for something that would peak his interest.

Exhaling a soft sigh, he was disappointed by the fact that nothing seemed to catch his eye. "I should probably move along, I've been at this isle for a while…" Walking towards a nearly deserted section of the store, he had noticed that nearly all of the pieces of Literature remained untouched at this new area, as if doing so was a forbidden sin that would grant any person who had disobeyed the rule damnation for all eternity. Fascinated by this strange fact, Iwaki found himself moving with a bit of excitement, the most he had experienced since he was stripped from Katou's warm embrace. Noticing a medium sized white novel, Iwaki slowly ran his fingers through the bridge of the book, silently reading its name aloud to himself in a whispered tone. "The Second Door..." Pulling it out from its place, the raven-haired man noticed that the entire front and back cover was bathed in nothing but white. It captured his mind by the fact that there was nothing except a single door painted on the cover, its colors light and seeming as if they blended in with the pure atmosphere of its blank space.

Opening the book to read its summary, Iwaki realized that by every word that came across the sight of his glossy eyes, he became more interested in the novel itself. It seemed simple, but its simplicity didn't mean that the plot was weak, quite the opposite actually. Understanding something absurd, he actually felt that in some manner, without even reading the book but only its summary, that it described his current situation of his depression and solitude.

The Second Door was written as individual diary entries, basically explaining the angst and despair the main character, Akihiko, faced once his wife of ten years had passed away from cancer; facing many troubles that only increased his chances of insanity. Checking the shelf once again, Iwaki realized that that was the only copy of the novel, surprised by the fact that every book in the area had at least two or three duplicates.

Pacing through the rest of the isle, the older man took hold of four other novels, none of which he was more excited to read then the first one he had picked up. Heading towards the counter in order to pay, Iwaki left hastily, anxious to return home so that he could finally begin reading the mysterious book. Closing the door behind him, the aged actor settled himself into the seat of this couch, taking hold of the small paperback while he stared at its cover for a moment, finally opening it into a fresh page.

Dedicated to You was the first thing Iwaki had read. Turning the page, the raven-haired man finally reached the first entry of the book, dated January 12th as the heading of the page.

This wasn't supposed to happen. Iwaki began, knowing fully well that at this pace he would become fully engrossed into this novel by the time he would finish the first paragraph. It's hard to say if I'll ever be able to give a genuine smile, even though saying that is obviously foolish. She wasn't supposed to die, the doctor said she was recovering marvelously and that she would be able to return home in just another few weeks. Unfortunately, the unexpected always has tohappen the second you think everything will be alright.

I don't blame the doctor, I don't blame anyone actually; but my mind still has that strange way of thinking, that although it's no one's fault, I still can't find not using a scapegoat in order to heal this hindrance of mine, since the worst possible thing has happened to me today, January 12th. Why did she have to die? I would have rathered it be me then her, since I can feel the loneliness already begin to eat away at my heart…

I thought that today I would just be visiting her in the Hospital from work like I did everyday, I thought that I would see her gorgeous smile complimenting the sunshine like I did all the time, I thought that her cute chuckles would always indicate that she was indeed recovering, and I thought that I would be able to hold her hand in mine, feeling its warmth and ensuring myself that she would make it; that WE would make it…

But all of that strength, all of that courage left me the second I entered the room, only to see the covers over her motionless body and the stinging pain of feeling her always tender hands fade into nothing more than an icy, motionless touch. When I saw her lifeless body there, my composed mind turned hysterical, removing the pure white covers from her and telling her to wake up, that she was missing such a beautiful day. After seeing me go into denial, the doctor tried to break down the news to me, but I wouldn't listen. I was being as ignorant as I always was, denying the truth ever second that it wouldn't go I wanted it to. It took about two police guards to make me leave the Hospital since I was causing a scene.

By the time I was outside, I had gone insane. I was screaming to the top of my lungs, trying to tell the doctor that she wasn't dead, that she was still alive and that she would make a full recovery, just like the doctor had once told me. Before I knew it, I broke down, hot tears running down my face and my blood freezing by the fact that the most wonderful thing in my life was lost; the only comfort I was given were a few nice words from the two police guards who carried me out, telling me that everything would turn out alright and that they were sorry for my loose.

I'm scared, this wasn't supposed to happen

SHE WASN'T SUPPOSED TO DIE.

The first journal entry was short, but that last line left Iwaki dumbstruck, knowing fully well that that was exactly the same he had felt with Katou; unable to remove his eyes from that first page until the sound of the doorbell jolted the man slightly, surprising him as he unwillingly rested the book onto the seat beside him, walking towards the door as he picked up the phone, speaking softly "Hello?"

"Iwaki-san! It's Shimizu. I was just visiting to see how you were. Do you mind if I come inside?" Placing the wired device back onto its receiver, Iwaki opened the door of his home and reached the gate outside, greeted by a simple smile from his manager while the two retreated inside, exchanging greetings as the wooden door was finally shut closed.

"Iwaki-san, it feels like it's been ages since I've last seen you!"

"Aha," Iwaki laughed, taking a seat beside Shimizu on the couch as she over his book aside onto the table in front of them, "I agree, it feels like it's been far too long since the two of us have met."

The dark-haired woman looked observantly at her client, causing goosebumps to form on Iwaki's flesh since he was no longer accustomed to being in the presence of anyone besides himself. "Iwaki-san, don't mind me asking, but how have you really been feeling? I don't want to sound blunt, but I don't think I've ever seen you in a worse condition…"

Silence eclipsed the room as Iwaki returned to his feet, plastering a smile onto his porcelain doll like face as he asked the worried woman below him "I'm being rude. Would you like some tea, Shimizu-san?" As he said that, he retreated into the kitchen, only to be followed by his guest.

"Iwaki-san there's no need for tha-"

"It's strange," the nervous man began, interrupting his manager as he placed the ingredients of the tea onto the counter. "It's been a while since I've had pleasant company. Most of the time it's that damned bastard Ta-" he stopped, biting his lip as he cursed at himself for saying such an absurd thing. Of course he couldn't tell Shimizu that his stalker would enter his home whenever he pleased so that he could continue to harass the aged actor as much as he desired. "Never mind…" he sighed, hoping that the woman behind him would leave the topic aside. "Forget everything I've said."

Noticing his back tremble, Shimizu retreated to Iwaki's side, the concern in her eyes growing as she watched Iwaki pour the hot water into the simple cup, glancing underneath his long sleeved shirt, only to be mortified with what her eyes had come across. "W-Well Iwaki-san, if you really don't want me to ask, then I won't." she reassured her client, although she knew for a fact that her curiosity would expand tremendously. "But on a more serious note, the Director wanted me to ask you something…"

Taking view of his manager by the corner of his eyes, Iwaki remained quiet in order for her to continue. "Oh?" he cracked the silence, trying to be active in the nearly dead conversation. "What was it he needed?"

"Although he knows fully well that you still have a few more weeks of vacation left, he says that we need to film the parts with you soon, so as not to delay the movie any further." Once again, the silence crept into the air like a thief; the only noise audible was the clanking of the dishes; Iwaki handing Shimizu her cup of tea as he held his own.

"Let's talk about this in the living room."

The two retreated to their seats, Iwaki sipping his tea as a remedy to help calm his flustered nerves while he felt the cold gaze of the person beside him. So many things were coursing through Shimizu's head. Cutting was definitely the first sign of suicidal thoughts, and the thought that she had actually seen theme, even for an instant, scarred her mind by the fact that Iwaki Kyousuke, the same person she had worked with for so long, was harming himself. Shimizu became anxious, dying to pour out all her concerns and questions to her client, aching to cure him from his sickness of depression.

"I think it would be best if I dropped out of the movie."

Her eyes bolted opened as Shimizu thrashed her head in Iwaki's direction, his nonchalant facial expression simply emphasizing his last words. "B-But Iwaki-sa-"

"Shimizu, even you saw, I can't be an actor when I won't be able to show my arms." His voice was down to a low whisper, yet the surprised manager heard him perfectly, unable to refrain from hiding her upset expression. Turning his head so that they were facing each other, Iwaki's smiling face was the opposite of anything positive. His lips may have been curved into a smile, but his eyes showed that of pure pain; his actions of trying to deceive his manager an obvious failure. "I'm not proud to show you this," he paused, placing his drink onto the table as he rolled up his sleeves, tears nearly escaping from Shimizu's eyes by the sight of it all. "But as you can see, I'm far from okay."

There, Shimizu saw every scar, bruise and freshly placed cut from the top of Iwaki's wrist all the way towards his shoulder, nearly every inch of skin covered in complete disaster. "Maybe it's a mistake to show you this, Shimizu, but we've known each other for so long that you're probably the only person alive who I would be even slightly comfortable with admitting to this." Once again, he stopped, rolling back down his sleeve as he lightly gripped his wrist, his eyes lifeless and his bottom lip quivering from fear. "I know you're worried for me, but what else could I do? I'm terrified, Shimizu, of everything. Ever since that night, all my courage and strength that had been built up for the past years came crashing down, and I became so mentally ill that I resorted to this for support. Unfortunately I don't regret doing this, self-harming myself seemed to be the only remedy that could help me, even if it was a costly choice…" Shimizu could sense the weakness in his voice, unable to react to this.

"I know there are a few people I could go to, for instance you, my family, or even one of Katou's friends for help. But please believe me Shimizu, I just couldn't…and now that my body is scarred, not only my arms but even my legs too, I've come to a conclusion."

The scared woman didn't know what to expect, but off from her lips slurred a simple question: "And what is that, Iwaki-san…?"

A pause was given, only raising the tension of the air until Shimizu felt her head about to explode, her fingers trapped tightly into a fist. "Iwaki-san, before you tell me, I just want to say this…I know you're scared right now, but in no way do I blame you for what you did…I understand 100% your current position. I know that Katou was the most important person in your life, and losing him was like losing reality," she halted her short speech, staring into his gray eyes, "But I don't blame you…I don't blame you for not going to others for help, I don't blame you for harming yourself…I'm not happy by the fact that you've caused that much damage to yourself, and by hearing that there's more makes my heart break…Iwaki-san, I know you'll get through this, I know you will…but until then, please remember that I'll be beside you, while you're like this or when you're continuing to flourish as an actor."

Taking her hand into his own, Iwaki handed Shimizu a napkin, knowing fully well that she was crying without having to look at her. "Shimizu, thank you. I'm sorry I hadn't ever come to you for support, and I'm also sorry for what I'm going to say right now…"

Looking up from drying her tears, she cleared her cracking voice. "And what's that, Iwaki-san?"

Taking another sip of his tea, Iwaki let himself be intoxicated by the aroma, wanting to drown himself in peace instead of constantly being in a war with himself, losing to the enemy of insanity and depression instead of winning and being consumed in tranquility and happiness. The older man knew for a fact that happiness may never be found again, but searching for it was at least a challenge that would keep him preoccupied, even if it was useless.

"I'm quitting as an actor."

Shimizu could only stare, her dark chocolate eyes wide as her skin shivered in surprise. "B-But Iwaki-san…the movie!"

"Precisely why I will no longer be the lead actor in it." Iwaki paused, understanding Shimizu's reaction since the news he had given were quite a shock. "As you can see, this is no longer the body of an actor. My skins gone pale, there are probably over a hundred scars on my body, and I've probably lost about thirty pounds from neglecting to eat. I've been thinking about this for quite some time, and I've finally come to a conclusion. I'll still be the President of the Agency, just no longer an actor. Besides, my passion for acting has died this past month, I can't find myself doing so without a shred of joy in it."

Iwaki allowed for a pause to be given, waiting to see if his manager would say anything on her behalf of this matter. As no one said a word, Iwaki's lips slurred off two simple words: "I'm sorry."

Ever so slightly, the raven-haired man jolted from Shimizu's touch, her head resting on his shoulder while Iwaki noticed her arms draped around his abdomen, an attempt at a hug as he felt the pressure of it grow more intense as the seconds passed by; the middle aged woman not saying a word. Overcome by a sudden sadness, Iwaki's arms were wrapped around Shimizu's thin body, holding her as tightly as she held him while hot tears slid off the side of his cheeks onto her jacket, unable to refrain himself from being in such a weak state. "I'm sorry Shimizu…" The only thing that could be heard was Iwaki's constant apologies ringing through their ears, as they sat there, motionless for what could be years.

Yeahh, this ending sucked xD Yesteday this chapter was supposed to go in a completely different direction, but overanalyzing (like I do for everything) made me stop and realize that it would be better if I went towards this direction. I sure hope I don't end up regretting this! Anyways, I really hope I can progress wth this fanfic soon, I feel like I've been at the same area in this fanfic, since it doesn't seem like I've progressed in the story too much. I WANT TO CHANGE THAT :D

Oh, and I just want to give a biiiiig hug to you guys. Thanks SO MUCH for reading my fanfic, it really means alot, especially whenever I get a new review, be it from someone who always reviews on my fanfic or someone new. You don't know how happy that makes me :')

REVIEW FOR SHIMIZU HELPING OUR IWAKI-SHA!