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Chapter 20
A twinge of panic licked Padmé's nerves when she opened her eyes and failed to recognize her surroundings. She felt the familiar softness of her nightgown on her skin, but everything else was all wrong. The bed beneath her was notably softer than usual. Instead of the sharp, defined skyline of commercial towers silhouetted against the curtains, she saw the vague outline of waving tree boughs. Distant speeder engines had been replaced by the soft sound of birds chirping.
Certainly not an unpleasant scene to find herself in unexpectedly, but still alarming until she regained full consciousness.
Planted face-down in the pillow beside her, Anakin clearly was far from regaining his.
Her anxiety slowly retreated as the memory of the past two days returned. She closed her eyes, suddenly wishing she hadn't woken.
The tabloid… the press conference… the flight with Obi-Wan, after which she and Anakin were chaperoned right up to the final step to her sister Sola's door.
The kaleidoscope of emotions, poignant and tear-inducing as they mixed with the moist summer night air. Falling asleep on the couch while recounting the past year's events to her astonished sister and brother-in-law. Waking the following morning to find that Anakin had transported her to the guest bedroom… the same bedroom in which she now awoke, on their second morning of exile.
The twenty-six hours between those moments of waking were somewhat of a blur, but she was too overcome with shame and dejection to care. Anakin had spent the majority of those hours in stony silence anyway. So there wasn't much worth remembering. A sentimental vacation this was surely not, and she'd do well to bear that in mind, no matter how sweet the air smelled or how enchanting the view.
Angling the crook of her arm across her eyes with a sigh, she heard Ryoo and Pooja's high-pitched voices arguing from the kitchen. Sibling rivalry… add that to the list of things I'm really not looking forward to in the coming years.
"Do too!"
"Do not!"
"Do too!"
"Nuh-uh!"
"Do too! You followed him around all day yesterday!"
Padmé had the privilege of shuffling into the kitchen in the midst of her nieces' hot debate. She passed an uncertain glance between the girls and Sola, who was too preoccupied with flipping pancakes to intervene just yet.
"Did not! And even if I did, you were staring at him–"
Pooja, the younger of the two with hair tied into curly pigtails, stopped short upon seeing Padmé enter the room. At that point, both she and her sister froze. With eyes wider than saucers and lips snapped tightly shut, their cheeks grew redder by the minute.
"Well, it suddenly got a lot quieter in here," Sola remarked with her back still turned. "You two finally ready for breakfast?"
When neither child responded, Sola turned in mild confusion.
"Oh, Padmé! You're up," she exclaimed. "I'm sorry I didn't hear you. Girls, why haven't you said good morning to your Aunt Padmé?"
They responded by throwing a fit of shy, squirming giggles as they pinched and tickled each other in self-conscious glee. Sola frowned briefly before rolling her eyes.
"Oh… I think I know why," she curled a finger toward Padmé and leaned closer. "Ryoo just accused Pooja of liking Anakin. You know, a little more than a niece should like an uncle?" she whispered, nudging Padmé's elbow.
Padmé had to clap a hand over her mouth to keep from laughing. Her eyes were nearly as wide as the girls' had been a minute ago.
"You're serious!" she exhaled in pure amazement.
"Very. Frankly, I think Ryoo's just as guilty as her younger sister… but of course neither of them will admit it," Sola smirked playfully. "They haven't fought like this for at least two weeks. I'm not surprised they woke you up."
"I was already awake," Padmé assured her. "If anything, the wonderful smell of your cooking was what got me out of bed!"
Sola smirked again and lowered her gaze to Padmé's stomach. "I believe that!" she shook her head, guiding her younger sister toward the table. "Have a seat. I made plenty, so don't be shy… unlike these two," she tickled the girls' necks as she passed by, prompting them to giggle again.
"Has Darred left already?"
"Yes, he'll be back later this afternoon, same as yesterday," Sola placed a platter of food in the table's center. "Ah, the glamorous life of an architect!"
Padmé's face fell, though she tried to hide it. "Sometimes glamour isn't all it's cracked up to be," she said to herself as much to Sola.
Her sister caught her despondent tone and interpreted it quickly enough. "Padmé, I'm sorry… I didn't mean to be insensitive…"
"I know, I know… it's all right. It's just that sometimes, I'm not sure what I wouldn't give to have an ordinary life like yours."
Sola's eyes reflected her sister's melancholy self-reflection. But the younger members of the breakfast assembly, far less attuned to the room's emotional pulse, sought to change the sad course the morning had taken. Pooja in particular had adopted an inquisitive look while stuffing her cheeks with pancakes.
"Aunt Padmé?"
"Yes Pooja?" Padmé was surprised one of them had the courage to speak to her, after the Anakin gaffe.
The seven-year-old chewed a little more. "Mommy says there are two babies in your tummy. Is that true?"
"Yes it is," Padmé answered.
"How come there are two instead of one?" Ryoo asked.
Padmé hastily reached for a glass of milk to keep from choking. After swallowing what she could, she shot Sola a loaded glance from across the table. Her sister merely raised her eyebrows, as if to affirm that the question had not been asked of her.
"Well girls… you see…"
From the corner of her eye, Padmé could tell Sola was enjoying the scene immensely. Seeing one of the galaxy's most eloquent, diplomatic speakers fumbling for words must have been rather entertaining.
"You should really ask your mother or father," Padmé rushed the words, stabbing a pancake. Ryoo glanced sideways at her sister who did the same, as if to silently gripe, that's what we get every time.
"Girls, let your aunt eat her breakfast in peace, all right? She's had a long, busy week," Sola admonished, though the impish gleam in her eyes lingered. Padmé's gratitude was somewhat less than enthusiastic, but she made no further protest.
By the time the quartet finished clearing their plates, Anakin still wasn't up. Sola left the remaining pancakes in the food warmer with a note nearby; once the children had departed for school, she led Padmé to lounge on the back veranda. A trio of strikingly blue and yellow birds sprung from the balcony as the two women entered the space.
"So when will you contact Mother and Father?" Sola asked meekly, studying the leaves of one of her balcony plants. Without turning around, she knew the expression on Padmé's face. It was carefully drawn, controlled yet immensely vulnerable.
"I don't know," she replied just as timidly.
"You know you can't put it off forever. Didn't you say you have to reach the Gallo Mountains within a few days? That doesn't leave you much time to visit."
A distressed sigh was the only response.
"Padmé, what's the matter?" Sola stepped over to touch her sister's shoulder. "You're home, you're safe here. Why are you so anxious?"
"Do you really have to ask?" Padmé snapped. "This isn't just a quaint little trip home for me. I'm not here because I was feeling homesick. That's the cruel irony, Sola. I'm here against my will, and you know what? That's the only way I ever see you anymore!" she pursed her lips bitterly. "What sort of woman keeps so many secrets from her own family? And then pulls away from them because of those secrets, only to be forced back when she has nowhere to turn?"
"A woman with conviction and devotion, that's who. Don't paint yourself in such a horrible light, Padmé. You had to make a choice… and if I were in your position, I doubt I'd have chosen any differently."
"Sure you would have," Padmé countered. "You've always been the good daughter, Sola. Marrying young, staying close to home and having a family. You'd never find yourself in my position to begin with, much less choose to conceal it this long."
"Shh. You did what you had to in order to serve the galaxy with your unique gifts. Those gifts may be changing now, but that doesn't mean the past few years have been a mistake," Sola reflected. "Now I don't want to hear any more self-deprecating talk. Things may not go as planned, but you can still make the most of it. Enjoy yourself, regardless of what brought you here."
Though Padmé found the advice absurd, she surrendered the argument. Discord between sisters certainly wouldn't help ease that which waited in her parents' home.
Sola rubbed her younger sister's back lightly. "Everything will be fine, you'll see. They'll be shocked at first, but trust me Padmé, they'll be overjoyed in the next instant. You know we've all been hoping and waiting for you to settle down," she winked.
Padmé's face twisted as she peered into the distant foliage. "That's what worries me most, Sola. I don't know if I'm ready to settle down… or if I ever can be."
"What do you mean? You don't want to raise your children?" Sola tried to hide her dismay.
"I do… but I don't. Oh, it sounds horrible that way! What I mean is… it's complicated," Padmé rubbed her eyes. "The way I've envisioned my future as a mother, it's always been murky. Foggy, like there could be something there, only I can't make it out clearly. Does that make any sense at all?"
Sola nodded vaguely, listening between the lines. "Your whole life has been focused on something else, and you aren't sure if that's due to chance or lack of maternal instinct."
Relief flooded Padmé's face. "Yes! That's exactly it. Oh Sola, you don't know how I've struggled with this, especially when I feared I might become a single parent. It terrified me almost as much as losing Anakin himself," she confessed. "I feel insecure, frightened, and guilty all at the same time! Sometimes I can't remember when I ever felt any different!"
"Padmé…"
Hearing a smile in Sola's voice, Padmé looked up, only to find her sister knowingly grinning.
"You do realize those feelings are perfectly normal. There isn't an expectant mother in the entire universe who hasn't felt the same. Not in any species or on any planet, I guarantee you!"
Padmé couldn't help but return Sola's smile. "Really?"
"In my opinion, you should be concerned if you didn't feel any of those things," Sola reassured her. "Anxiety means you're ready. It means you care, and caring is what children need most."
Such simple, basic logic had eluded Padmé all the hours she'd spent kneading her heart and brain into a worried frenzy. Could it really be that easy? Was she actually lights years more fit to be a mother than she gave herself credit for? It seemed too good to be true… yet Sola's wisdom was sound. What did children need most, if not care? Perhaps she was over-thinking it all. It certainly wouldn't have been her first time, she realized with a self-effacing smirk.
"Thank you, Sola. I don't know what I'd do without you," she hugged her sister.
"Probably experience fewer embarrassing interrogations at the hands of my daughters, for one thing," Sola laughed.
"Yes, how kind of you to remind me," Padmé scoffed, shaking her head. "Those two are even more precocious than they were three years ago, and I thought they were bad then!"
Sola shook her head as well. "You're telling me. I can only ward off their questions for so long… I was rather hoping you'd step up for that duty!"
"And tell them what, exactly? 'Well girls, there are two babies instead of one because your Uncle Anakin was feeling extra generous one night…'"
"Extra generous, indeed!" Sola gasped, swatting Padmé's shoulder. "You'd never dare to say anything like that to them! …would you?" she hesitated.
While Padmé toyed with the idea of not responding, just to get even with Sola for being entertained by Ryoo and Pooja's antics, a tall shadow shifted into her peripheral view. As if on cue, arriving at the very moment he was being discussed, Anakin stood before them with hair still disheveled from sleep.
"There you two are," he yawned, face pinching as he stretched. "The door chime… you didn't hear it out here?"
Sola and Padmé exchanged looks of innocence. "No, we haven't heard anything. Is someone here?" the woman of the house asked, craning to see around Anakin.
"Guess that explains why I had to play butler," Anakin scowled, clearly unhappy with being woken prematurely. "Yeah, you could say we've got visitors. About a dozen troops are standing on the front porch."
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My favorite chapter to write so far, hands down. Some light-hearted comic relief in the midst of all the deep, dark drama. ;)