Crystalline Blue Waters

by Ladiosabri

Daniel Jackson is at long last living the life of his dreams. He's married to Adrienne, the woman he never thought existed, a father to a precocious son, and commander of the Atlantis city station. But the Pegasus they left behind is not the one they are returning to... (Sequel to Surprise Package)

21. Chapter 21 - An Alternative

Adrienne sat on the sleeping bag in her old fashioned A-shaped tent, unable to sleep. It wasn't just the time adjustment that was killing her, really the Suban were only a few hours ahead and sleep had always been her friend, but right now she was deep in thought.

And filled with worry.

Because at this point she wasn't sure what had happened to her life.

It was picture perfect, sure, a loving husband, two healthy children, a dream job, family and friends that loved her. To even have the thoughts that she was having made her feel guilty but for as picture perfect as it was, it was easier when you didn't have to live it.

Daniel was wonderful, he truly was, but he was stubborn and set in his ways about so many things. Yes, he relied on her, but there was a part of Adrienne that wondered if he ever really took what she said one hundred percent seriously, or, as time had passed and he had been made the commander of Atlantis, was she slowly becoming nothing more than just his wife. They'd stopped discussing work in bed, granted that had been her idea, but she thought that they would at least once in a while, but no. Her request had been granted and their bed was now only used for sleeping or love making, two of her favorite activities with him for sure, but there was an emptiness that she couldn't explain.

Guilt wasn't a strong enough word when it came to her children either, since any thought she had about them in the least made her sick to her stomach to consider. She'd read journals, not just before she and Daniel were working together, but looking up things after her aunt told her to look into it, kissing her cheek before taking the gate bridge back home. It was normal to feel this way, especially with two young children, but it didn't assuage the remorse and sheer agony that was keeping her up at night. Nicholas was exploding in leaps and bounds, both physically and emotionally to the point where Adrienne was now making him spend at least an hour a day with Data, going over Ancient tech lessons. As far as clothing, she'd given up trying to keep him dressed in normal children's clothes, getting a regulation Atlantis uniform for his now nine year old sized body. At first she'd thought it was cool, his advanced brain and rapid growth, years of science fiction and fantasy television watching creating a false scenario of what it would be like to have such a child.

It was NOTHING like that, not in the least, her poor son was trapped with a mind and a body that his emotions were not able to handle, more often than not resulting in him crying in the bathroom, unable to understand what was happening to him, and not wanting to talk to her or Daniel about it.

Thank GOD for Jack.

He had gone above and beyond whatever role Adrienne could possibly assign to him, stepping in to talk and try to help the boy understand what not even Carson or Jennifer really did. That had been one advantage to the gate bridge. Carolyn had come through a couple of days after her Aunt Barbara and Jonas to run tests, putting Daniel and Adrienne's mind at ease in terms of their son and daughter's health, but she was at a loss as well for the rest of it. Nicholas also seemed to understand mortality more now, crying again as Adrienne left for this three day mission that she felt horrible enough for wanting to go on.

Still, no movie, novel or TV show could have prepared her for the mystery that was her daughter. Like Nicholas, to an extent, it was all biologically explained, but Helena was so small, so innocent and sweet, some of her telepathic images and thoughts immature and yet she terrified her own mother. He hadn't meant to frighten her, but when Todd had said that it was a Wraith-like quality to have, that her child was Wraith-like, the very thought of it was more than Adrienne could bear. She hadn't told her husband but it haunted her dreams, Helena's turning blue and bloody thirsty in the night, rejecting her bottle and feeding off of Daniel while he gave her her evening meal. More than once she had woken up to Daniel soothing her, rubbing her hair, or in one case having pulled her completely into his arms as she cried in her sleep.

That however, was the extent of their contact and Adrienne couldn't figure out what had happened to him. She knew he was upset over the bounty hunter, over Todd's actions concerning the slavers, over the entire situation, but he hadn't spoken a word to her about it, which was highly unusual. She hadn't even been able to bring herself to be intimate with him again, the last time they were feeling so forced and robotic, the thought of repeating that act and the guilt after made her ill.

If there was a limit, she was there.

"Dr. Jackson?"

Adrienne looked up, that handsome young guide she had been assigned sitting right outside the open flap of her tent, watching as she stared off into space. Paris was his name, of course it was Paris; everything about being here in the Suban was like being trapped in a graduate school thesis on classical Greek pottery. He probably could have been a dead ringer for the real Paris himself, save for his pale skin, with deep dark eyes and a cut face, light bearding at the chin. He couldn't be a day older twenty five, but talked and acted as if he were much older. In some ways, he really was the Trojan prince incarnate.

"Dr. Jackson, is everything alright?" he asked again, Adrienne smiling sweetly, reaching out her hand to touch his arm, "I saw your light on from across the way. Are you unable to sleep?"

"No, I was just going over my notes before bed," she lied, her fingers inching to her iPad so her falsehood would not be so obvious.

"I am here to assist you and if there is anything that you may need, please do not hesitate to let me know," he urged, the Cajun grinning again. He was very kind and sweet but she didn't need him to worry about her when there was so much to be done.

"Thank you, I appreciate that," she replied, peeking at her watch to check the time back home, "but I was just starting to feel tired myself."

That was a lie; Adrienne just wanted to be alone.

"Then I shall take my leave," he said, slipping away from her, "may your dreams be pleasant."

"You too," she forced a smile as he stood, walking away from the corner where Adrienne had set up camp, back to where he had made himself a pallet and pallet alone. Blowing out the candle in her lantern, the Cajun laid back, closing her eyes and forcing herself to sleep…

"You wanna know something that I never thought of…" she purred into his chest as his fingers ran lazily down her back.

"Hmmm…"

Smiling, no she was glowing, Adrienne crawled on top of him, pecking his lips softly before leaning up, just enough to gaze into his eyes.

"I never thought you'd like curvy," she clarified, running her own fingers along his naked flesh.

"Curvy what?" he asked confused, his fingers through her hair.

"Curvy me," she said as she bit her lip. Daniel laughed, tossing her aside to pull himself onto her.

"Oh I love your curves," he replied, nuzzling his face into her, "every," he kissed her shoulder lightly, "last," and then her collarbone, "one of them."

She giggled at the soft touch of his lips to her skin, pushing him back so she could see his face, "That worried me you know."

"It shouldn't have," he pecked her temple, taking her into his arms.

"But it did," Adrienne said with a sigh, "I saw pictures, I knew your history and yeah, I thought you wouldn't find me attractive at all."

"Not attractive," he clarified, running his fingers along her jawline, "perfect. I love every inch of you."

Laughing, he started kissing her again, pushing her down onto the bed.

"You're awful," she teased.

"No," and he ran his fingers along her waistline, "just admiring the curves."

Adrienne sighed out, closing her eyes and enjoying the caressing.

"You meant forever, right?" she asked quietly, her heart pounding in her chest.

He stopped what he was doing suddenly, making Adrienne open her eyes.

"I wouldn't have said forever if i didn't mean it. Why?" he asked so very serious, concern all over his face.

"I just worry, that's all," she admitted quietly, "I love you, love this and I don't ever want to be apart from you."

"You won't," he said with a soft smile, "I'm here to annoy you and admire these curves until the day you die."

Adrienne Jackson rolled over in her sleep, not even awakening from the dream as the tears cascaded down her face.

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Daniel sat at his desk, looking at his list of meetings. Cam was gating through, as he expected to discuss the bounty hunter situation and examine the body, now being held in the Atlantis morgue. He was glad Adrienne left, it was the first real work she had done in weeks, and she really hadn't been there anyway. Distant wasn't even a good word to describe, distant had been what she was after she had told him about her rape, but this?

His eyes wandered away from his planner to the picture on the side of his desk. It was an older one, from when they had first dated, a silly picture of Adrienne that he took on his phone while she did laundry at his apartment.

"Cleaning lady?" Dr. Steven Rayner asked as the woman danced past, her arms loaded with towels.

"No," Daniel barely looked up, his eyes working over the file folder in his hand, "that's my girlfriend."

"Girlfriend?" and now his old colleague was confused.

Daniel, however, shrugged, as he turned the page, peering up to see if Adrienne was plugged in or if she could come and take a look at this.

"Yeah," and of course she was plugged in, a load of dirty clothes in her arms, "and my assistant when she's not in a cleaning frenzy."

Steven raised his eyebrows.

"Yeah," Daniel could anticipate his words, "it's like that."

Daniel decided to change the subject before Rayner could discuss it further because he knew where he would take this, "Excuse the mess, we got new appliances so we're behind in regular cleaning."

"If this a bad time," Steven began, but Daniel shook his head.

"No, not at all, just not a lot of places to sit."

Steven nodded, taking a breath and looking around, "Wow, I just never thought of you as domestic."

Daniel laughed, because to be honest, he had never thought that either, "Do you hear her? Did you get a good look at her? That's not domestic."

And on cue, Adrienne whisked by, scooping a dirty coffee mug from the table and taking it to the kitchen, her piercings glittering in the light of the chandelier. Steven clearly noticed, chuckling.

"I guess not."

For some reason though, given that Steven knew the Daniel that dated Sarah Gardner, he felt the need to explain.

"Her name's Adrienne, Dr. Adrienne Rowan, and she's actually an accomplished archaeologist."

"Near East?" Steven asked, recognition in his face, "Did a blog for undergrads, led that big undergrad conference outreach program with high school kids?"

"Yeah," Daniel smiled with pride, he had eventually gotten around to reading that file, eventually, "that's her."

"She's about twenty years younger than you…" Steven led.

"Fifteen," Daniel corrected, a smirk across Dr. Rayner's face.

"Still," he didn't chance his expression, "how'd you score that?"

Daniel rolled his eyes; he hated when anyone in his past, anyone at all acted like Adrienne wasn't the amazing person that she was, that she was just some young groupie he'd decided to hook up with.

as

"I didn't score that, I fell in love with her," the words sounded as stupid coming out of his mouth as they did when they hit his ears, but he didn't care.

"I bet you did…"

Daniel glared up at his old colleague with a fierceness he didn't bother controlling.

"Wow, sorry," Steven caught the look and changed his tune, fast, "I wasn't thinking."

"It's alright, I just, never mind," Daniel wanted to refocus, but she was dancing by again, stopping to walk normally once she was in their sight, "Yeah, she's wild and young and intelligent and…"

"Say no more," Rayner halted, raising his hand, "I see it in your face. I did spend two semesters in Egypt with you my friend, LONG semesters…"

Daniel smiled, redirecting his attention to the folder.

And I'm gonna marry her too, he thought as she whisked by with a broom, but I just need to figure out how to ask…

So much had happened since that picture was taken. He had asked her, not how he had wanted to but he had, and he had married her and they had the two wonderful children whose picture was sitting right beside her, the perfect family, everything…

That was falling apart.

The Suban were a few hours ahead, it should be midnight their time, and Daniel had come back up here to get a few things before giving Helena her last bottle. He'd seen her off this morning with her chosen team, their kiss good-bye robotic and rehearsed, done he knew only to keep the gossip at a minimum. The children felt it to, Nicholas crying last night before bed with Adrienne reassuring him that she would be back after she found some cool stuff that they could go over in their lab together when she returned. Helena hadn't wanted to sleep, and eventually Daniel just let her sleep with the two of them, cuddled in between them like she was a referee to some great war.

"It's not your shift; don't you have kids waiting on you?" John said as he entered, right on time for night shift, as always. John seemed to like this shift as second in command, he liked the quiet, though Daniel wasn't sure what he did here all night.

"Yeah, chances of Nicholas actually asleep are pretty slim, I just wanted to check on some things before I called it a night," the commander agreed as he stood.

"Well with your keeper off world someone's gotta make sure you get some sleep yourself," he joked, tossing a backpack onto the floor by the chair.

"Something like that," Daniel muttered. Neither of them had been doing that either lately, Adrienne falling asleep in her lab about as often as Daniel did in the office.

My marriage is over…

"Well head down, I'm gonna be switching out with Zalenka, don't worry I didn't even let Rodney know, so I can get a few before I head over there."

"Sounds good," Daniel agreed with a nod, grabbing his own bag, "night."

"Night," John replied, reaching to the keys to log in.

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"Dr. Jackson, I am quite concerned," she felt Paris touch her arm, his hands rough and masculine even though he was just a scribe, "is everything alright?"

Adrienne shook her head. She'd been staring at this same column for what had to have been hours, completely mesmerized by what she saw. It was Athena, or an Athena-like figure, locked in a passionate embrace with what looked to be Hermes. That never happened in Earth mythology and it was, to be honest, weird.

"Yeah, I'm fine, just need some sunshine," she declared, standing, her eyes aching from staring at the couple. She wasn't sure how these people lived as they did but she for one couldn't stay in these desolate conditions indefinitely, her head needed a break and her body needed some UV rays.

She'd been here a day, waking at nearly six a.m. yesterday, sneaking out while the children were still asleep. That hadn't been intentional, but days here on M7R-090 were slightly off of Atlantica days and Daniel wanted her to have as much time there as possible. He'd gotten up to see her off, joining her in the shower, washing her and nothing more, the motions so robotic and so unlike him.

He'd barely kissed her goodbye.

The team for this research mission had been one of Adrienne's choosing, Teyla, Todd and Katie Reid, a quiet researcher from Adrienne's staff. The reason she had given Daniel was that Teyla needed the practice, Todd would provide good back up and Katie was the next best thing to having Daniel, her translations proving to be the best of the entire group of graduate students. The real reason was that none of the three talked very much at all and the last thing Adrienne wanted to do was talk. She'd wanted Jonas, but he'd pry until he got it out of her, so he'd just hugged her good-bye and left when her aunt did.

"May I join you?" Paris' sweet voice asked, Adrienne sighing out. She didn't want to talk, she hadn't wanted to talk but Paris was so persuasive and just didn't seem to take no for an answer. That and he meant well; he had no idea what was going on in her personal life and he wouldn't know what to ask her in the first place.

"Sure," she said with a forced smile, the young man standing. Katie was in a zone, much like a younger Adrienne, headphones plugged into her ears as she wrinkled her brow.

"Teyla," Adrienne said as she passed her friend, a hand on her shoulder, deciding to let the graduate student be, "I need some sunlight."

"Certainly," she smiled and nodded, glancing across the way at Todd so he would know she was alright.

Site secure, Adrienne stuffed her hands into her pockets, walking to the main ramp out of the temple complex.

"I never saw the sun until the hives left," Paris was talking before the light even hit their faces, "my grandmother kept me below even when the older boys went up to hunt."

"She loved you," Adrienne replied, thinking of all of the times her father had managed to use that same argument when Adrienne wanted to do something risky herself, "she didn't wanna lose more of her family."

Adrienne didn't know how many he had lost, but he had mentioned being raised by his grandparents before, Paris nodding in agreement.

"My mother died when I was born, it was my father that was culled, but that was his own mistake," and the young man seemed to have no limits to what he told Adrienne either, making her sigh. This was new information, the culling, and the blame. He was full of information, not about the story on the column, but about his personal life. Last night, when he brought her some bread and cheese, he'd sat with her, Teyla and Katie both studying and Todd being Todd, asking questions about the city and talking. He was raised to be a reader, their version of an archivist or scribe, asked to maintain the city records. It was that background that made Adrienne ask for him, not him specifically, but for someone in his field, she just hadn't expected someone so personable and likable.

"My mother died too, in childbirth," Adrienne answered before she could consider her words, "it was something called a hemorrhage, not very common anymore on my world. She just bled to death…" the archaeologist trailed.

She'd said too much, but for some reason she just felt comfortable.

"My mother survived her pains, but not for long. It was an illness here, in the city, at the time of my birth. My mother was infected while recovering," he was quick to differentiate, but Adrienne could see the pain in his face nonetheless.

"It's hard, not having a mom," he was easy to talk to as well, a little kinder and less guarded than some of his fellow citizens.

"It is, but it makes you stronger..."

It does, she thought, me and my husband both are proof of that.

She paused, her heart skipping a beat at the thought of Daniel, of how cold he'd been.

"Dr. Jackson?" Paris was in her face, concerned, reaching out for her gently.

"Sorry, see, I just need the sunshine, come on," Adrienne shrugged him off, feigning happiness as she stepped out into the light.

I miss you sha. I want you here, in the sunshine with me…

Daniel sat in his office, again, someone was gonna accuse him of hiding in here, a slight snore behind him as Helena had wanted to come with him to work today. She sensed her mother's apprehension, he could feel it in the child himself, and she'd wanted her 'daddy' for days. He didn't mind, with Nicholas acting so old and independent, it was nice to be needed, by someone.

He just wished that someone was Adrienne.

There had been something wrong, very wrong since they learned of their daughter's gift, something that Daniel himself hadn't really been surprised about. Rationally speaking, some of Teyla's DNA make-up being more easily absorbed into the genetic cocktail that was he and Adrienne should have upset him more, since it seemed to be the Wraith-like gifts that his daughter intreated. Todd could read her better than anyone, serving lately as an interpreter for her tiny yet confusing facial expressions. It hadn't really bothered him, he found it to be unique, and somehow, the way his daughter trusted the newest and bluest member of his staff made Daniel think that his wife had been right about the creature all along. Well, that and the fact that even though he hadn't used methods that Daniel really approved of, Todd had single-handedly wiped out the entire group of slavers that was after Ronon Dex and the other runners.

Adrienne, on the other hand, had shut down.

When she came the night they found out about Helena's talents, she'd stripped down and crawled into bed, acting asleep, but he knew she wasn't. He lay there for hours, pretending he was, holding her, listening to her breathe until she drifted off. He only got about two hours himself that evening, powering on through his day with coffee as he took the children to Jack, meeting everyone, including Adrienne, for lunch and to let Carson take some samples to confirm what they already knew. There didn't seem to be a single thing wrong with her, Helena simply had a version of empathy that was borderline telepathic, able to push ideas as Todd explained. Biologically speaking, she was perfectly human, and thankfully based on genetic scans, seemed to get the best from both parents. It should have been good news, but Adrienne had just kissed them all goodbye, rushing back to Jonas and the lab. In the past Daniel might have been jealous, but it was good that the Langaran was here. He knew that the two had become close friends back when Anubis was wreaking havoc all over the galaxy, and he could only hope that her work and their friendship could snap her out of this.

"Hey Glasses, ya gotta minute?" Vala asked from the door, Daniel motioning her in. He had her working intelligence once again, since not only was Daniel concerned about the fall-out from Todd's little mission, but the Genaii were starting to get mouthy and beginning to blame the city for Ford's attack. In a way it was their fault, but not how they were making it to be, and he was thankful that Vala had enough experience to be able to keep her eyes on them.

"Yeah, have a seat," he switched gears, opening the electronic file on the information she had provided before.

"Your good friend Uthos is gating around to some of our allies," she started, a flash drive in her hand that she slid across the table. Sighing, he knew it was gonna come to this, he took the device, pushing it into the side of his computer.

"How many?" he asked as the screen whirred to life.

"Four so far, M6H-491, M65-PL8...

"Wait, just, can we start naming them here, maybe? Don't I get to declare something now that I'm in charge?"

"We can..." she answered, "how about awkward planet of villagers one and awkward planet of villagers two."

Daniel rolled his eyes.

"Just, fine, letters, numbers, I don't care, you say four have joined ranks, anything else?"

"Not really. They don't have any weapons that we've been able to pick up, seems more like the Genaii are just looking for people to agree with them rather than an army," she answered, grabbing the apple from his desk and leaning back in the chair, taking a confident bite.

"Nothing from the Asurans?" he inquired about the one race they had yet to hear anything from, honestly one of the ones that terrified him the most.

"Not a sound."

"Ok, good," was the reply, Daniel laying his head onto his desk and his hands.

"I'm not rubbing your head and whatever else Addy does to pacify your whining," Vala said quickly as Daniel shook his head without looking up.

"She's not rubbing my head right now either," he answered before he could control himself.

"So she's still upset?" Vala didn't even mock, she was surprisingly nice, concerned even.

"Yeah," Daniel whispered quietly, not bothering to look up.

"She'll be better," his friend assured sweetly, reaching for his head despite earlier objections, "I think it's a shock when you find out the one kid that might have been normal has bug DNA because of the lady that you asked..."

"I know what's wrong Vala," Daniel picked his head, lying, because he really had no idea what was wrong with his wife. Yes, the Helena reveal had been a shocker but to the point of shutting down like she had, even with him, the person who has been her best friend long before either of them had ever thought about marriage…

She pulled her hand away with a sigh, standing from the desk.

"If you need Dex and I to take the kids..."

"We're fine Vala," he snapped unintentionally, she really was trying to be nice, "but thank you."

A forced smile on her face, his guest exited the office, just as he heard shuffling behind him, the urge to cuddle overtaking him.

"You awake?" he asked at the corner, a feeling of warmth his reply.

"Come here little girl," he cooed, scooping her up as she wanted, taking her back to his desk, hoping she didn't sense the worry deep inside over the emotional state of her mother.

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"The most fascinating part though, is that timeline. See, your ruins match those of our Archaic Period of Ancient Greece, when Greece was starting to define themselves apart from their ancestors in a cultural context, art like pottery and sculpture, and where the beginnings of democratic ideas came from, which is the foundation of our society back home. Chronologically speaking based on our knowledge of the Ancients, this overlap shouldn't have occurred," Adrienne explained, her hands stuffed in her pockets as she walked.

"I can see why that would spark an interest," Paris replied, listening intently, hanging on her every word.

"From a defensive stand point, which unfortunately was the most important thing where I was working before, it really has no bearing, however, it does give us a better idea of the timeline of the Ancients and may explain some of the 'dark ages' of Earth," she continued happily to her audience, teasing just enough. He would ask, she knew he would and the chance to go over this with someone was just, well, thrilling.

"What are 'dark ages'?"

Right on cue.

"They can represent a few things in history, in fact there was an entire period of history by the name but what is really the most fascinating are the so called black holes. The Egyptians, for example, mastered the art of brain surgery thousands of years before we were to try it again, successful brain surgery it seems. Yes, the empire fell, but historians and archaeologists really cannot agree as to why in the world you would sack a civilization with break throughs in medicine and not bother to learn. Evidence in many cases was simply destroyed..."

"Why would anyone do that?" the handsome man asked, Adrienne ready for this question as well.

"Well, before I started working for the SGC I would have said the frenzy of war, pride, ignorance, a way to control the masses by denying them education, religious fervor, but now, now I think there was just enough interference to keep Earth in line," she explained, not just her theory, but Daniel's as well. It was something that when they first became good friends they would talk about, laying on her sofa or his bed, side by side, staring up at the ceiling, pondering the wonders in the universe.

"Dr. Jackson?" Paris was in her face, again, asking, Adrienne shaking her head.

"Zoned out, sorry, happens to me when I need fresh hair..."

Or a run, or Daniel...

I just want you Daniel...

"I have never known a life completely above ground so I cannot sympathize, but I understand," and he smiled that brilliant smile that made Adrienne blush. As much as she missed her husband she needed this mission. Paris was really interested, he asked a lot of questions and she could have honestly answered them all day.

It was…

Well, it was thrilling. This was what she lived for, not day in and day out paperwork, humdrum, worrying about, well, everything. Adrienne Jackson lived for learning and teaching.

"So you were an archaeologist on your world? That is what you said it was called? You did this there as well?"

"No," Adrienne shook her head, looking around for that spring from earlier since she had forgotten her water bottle, "I mean, I was, yes, for the SGC but before that I was a teacher."

"Of children?" and a canteen was pushed into her hand, as if he was reading her thoughts, Adrienne thanking him and drinking him before replying.

"No, adults. On our world when an adult, well, needs to learn more for their job or a job they want, they go to a special school called college," she took another drink, "I taught there."

"That sounds very exclusive but I can see why you were there," he said with a bright smile, "you are very good at it. Teaching, that is, explaining…"

She did love to teach, hadn't really realized how much she missed it until she started training Teyla, who was like a sponge. Paris seemed to be much the same, giving Adrienne wild ideas about her Data program, about information exchange, about helping to educate a populace held in developmental stasis so long by the Wraith.

It was what Nicholas wanted to do as well, with the children of Atlantis, children like his sister.

She missed her family…

Nicholas would be eating this up…

Passing the canteen back over, she made a mental note, about things to discuss with them when she got back, and a few new ideas for a program.

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Bedtime had not gone as smoothly as he hoped.

The last time Adrienne was off world it had just been he and Nicholas, Daniel playing up the cool dad card. They'd stuffed themselves silly on any and everything they could get their hands on, passing out without teeth brushing, showers or other more adult behaviors. It was disgusting, Adrienne would have been thoroughly disgusted, hell, she kept him spic and span when they were just friends. This first night with her away and with two children, he just assumed that he would tuck Helena to bed, break out the ice cream and repeat the last time, just adding getting up to feed Helena her bottle at midnight.

Helena, however, didn't seem to like that plan.

Still not crying, the empathic message she sent to him nearly broke his heart when he kissed her goodnight before setting her in the crib.

"Helena, you're exhausted, you need sleep..."

He suddenly felt the urge to cry.

"It's late and your brother and I want to watch a movie before we head to bed."

Jealously rocketed through him.

"Wow, really? You're not even three months old and THAT'S what I get? You two are very much your mother's children," Daniel grumbled, picking her back up in his arms.

"Dad, I've got, wait, why is Helena still up?" Nicholas questioned from the doorway, a carton of ice cream in one hand and spoons in the other.

"She's feeling left out," he started to explain as warmth coursed through his body. She certainly was a manipulative little angel.

"No Helena, it's not fair, I never get to see Dad!" Nicholas shouted though, in defense, shockingly resisting his sister's push.

And then Daniel felt, well, pissed off, and he knew it wasn't him that was feeling that way.

"Why don't you cry about it huh? Can you cry?" Nicholas spat at the baby, Nicholas, big Nicholas, size of a nine year old at least Nicholas yelling at the baby in his arms that might as well have been on fire for the wave of anger and emotion emanating from his daughter.

"That's not fair, don't bring Dad into this!"

"Nicholas, can you read her mind?" Daniel asked confused as the boy stormed in the room.

"No, but I might as well," and his small face was at the infant's, "no, Helena. You've had everyone since you've been born, even Uncle Jack. Dad and I are gonna watch 'Alexander'!"

Daniel was sick to his stomach and then jealous again.

"I don't care! Just go to sleep! DAD! Do something!"

Highest IQ Daniel had ever seen in a human, his son, but yet he was still gonna argue like, well a baby, with his other baby who was now making him feel ill all over.

It was gonna be a LONG three days; he just hoped Adrienne was getting the time she needed to think things through.

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"Dr. Jackson?" Katie called out from across the smaller room, "it's nearly six our time, should we take a break to eat and come back after?"

Adrienne's stomach had been rumbling as well but she was so focused on thee pottery fragments in front of her, the largest of which seemed to depict that same Athena like character at war with giants. She was riding a pegasus, armed with a staff, leading the battle and for reasons more than her Greek studies she was completely intrigued.

"No," Adrienne answered despite her own pangs; she didn't want to leave before getting to a stopping point, "let's push on to seven and then close for the evening. I need you to secure your area and get to a place where you can pick up easily in the morning."

"Yes ma'am," the young woman answered, Teyla peering from beside Adrienne.

"There is text here that I am unable to read," the Athosian said with a motion of her hand, bringing Adrienne to her side, "this is not Ancient nor is it Latin."

Squinting, wishing she had dragged her light over, Adrienne peered down, the letters closer to Greek than the rest of the temple.

"Huh," Adrienne mumbled as she read to herself, Teyla intrigued, leaning closer herself.

"Something of interest?"

"Yeah," Adrienne answered, sitting back on her heels, seeing a teachable moment, "see this line here, that reads Nieta who seems to be their version of the goddess Athena, that she had a child, by Khanton, who really really looks like Hermes…"

"He was the messenger god, was he not?" she asked, Paris now joining them.

"Yeah, among other things. He was a linguist, he was a diplomat, kinda the go to guy. Not too many of the gods had a problem with him, but…"

"But what Dr. Jackson?" Paris asked, curious.

"It's just strange, see, when we found evidence, well, when the original teams first discovered the Ancients, Paris they're related to who you all refer to as the Lantians, but the stories were identical to those on my homeworld. Same with the Goa'uld," she explained, running her fingers across the text.

"I take it that these are not?" Paris now inquired. Adrienne shook her head.

"Not in the least," the archaeologist responded, "Athena was a virgin goddess…"

"Not in our stories," Paris added, looking at both women, "they are little more than fairy tales now, but Nieta, the one you call Athena, she was a great leader. She married the founder of our city according to legend, and they had two children, one of great intelligence and another of astounding beauty."

"What happened to these children?" Adrienne asked, not having seen anything thus far about the babies themselves.

"That is where the legends differ," he explained, seeming to be pleased to not be the one asking the questions, "some say that they both grew up and left to found worlds of their own and others say that the gods took them, the greater gods, the ones who cannot be named, and they were never seen again."

"Gods that cannot be named?" the Cajun was confused, but Paris didn't seem to think anything was unusual.

"The oldest of our legends speak of a council of gods whose names could not be written lest the very stone upon which they were inscribed would be destroyed. They were the creators of everything, of the lesser gods, and they regulated the gods interactions with man."

"Like Saturn…" Adrienne trailed, in thought, where was Daniel, she needed Daniel, she needed her books, her database, she needed her partner.

I need Daniel…

For the first time in weeks, it felt good to think just that.

"Teyla, I can finish this up, do you mind taking pictures of that section over there and check on Katie?" Adrienne was speaking rapidly, her brain going a mile a minute, "I need to make some notes here to send back."

"Of course," and the Athosian went over to where Adrienne was before.

"Can I offer you any further assistance?" Paris asked, but the team lead shook her head.

"No, thanks shug, but I'll let you know…"

Onward she pushed her team, Katie and Teyla working without complaint and Todd only excusing himself to take an energy canister and saying no to a hungry Wraith was something Adrienne refused to do. Paris, however, had disappeared after his offer, and Adrienne wondered where he had gone and if he was coming back. She liked having him around, he was inquisitive and chatty, and she wanted to hear more of these stories, make more notes on her tablet. It made her feel like she used to, excited about digging and discovering, like she used to be every day that she went to work and everyday that she stepped through that gate.

With Daniel…

Long before she'd ever considered getting married, having children, leaving behind everything for a galaxy that wasn't her home.

What had happened to her life?

The excitement began to dissipate.

True, she'd left behind that crazy community college job, fraught with the constant battle of students that didn't want to do their work, but she had applied to the Smithsonian, that was how Sam had found her, or at least put together Vala's internet accident to a real name and person, a job that her old advisor had been happy to call in a few favors for.

She wondered who had gotten that job.

Then again, this was all destiny, wasn't it? Daniel Jackson was that one mystery figure in her past that she had never forgotten, the only person other than her dad to make her strive for excellence, and now her life had come full circle, as that very man shared her bed every night. Oma had said it was so, that it was meant, everything else in their lives bringing them to this point.

If that was the case, why was she feeling like this, because at this moment, Adrienne Jackson wasn't sad, as she had been for weeks.

Right now, she was just pissed off.

She barely got to work with Daniel anymore, he was the Sam of Atlantis and much like Jack and Sam complained about never seeing one another, she felt that Daniel was more her companion and sometimes lover than her best friend. They'd talked about this, but his solutions never seemed to work.

And then there were the kids...

Pushing the thoughts away, the second wave of guilt, Adrienne wrapped up her line of translation, beginning to pack up her things and indicating to her team that they should do so themselves, as she caught from the corner of her eye Paris strolling in, that kind smile on his face. He was always so happy, much of the citizens of the city were so very happy, despite everything that they had suffered for hundreds of year. Their overall attitude was simply refreshing.

"Dr. Jackson?" he shouted, racing over to her, dropping to his knees to assist in the clean-up. Her LED light caught his eyes, nearly as dark as her own, making them shimmer like onyx.

"Addy," she corrected again, "please call me Addy. I can barely tolerate my staff calling me Dr. Jackson."

"Fine Addy, but if I had such a title among my peers, I would love to hear it cross another's lips," he was half serious and half teasing she could tell, and she chuckled as she shoved her iPad into its case.

"Where've ya been?" she asked as he smiled again, seemingly pleased at the question.

"I was missed?"

"Of course ya were," she answered, "I like to yammer on and you're great at acting like ya care."

He laughed brightly.

"I do care," he replied, trying to help again as she shooed him away, "I love to learn and am excited that I am finally able to do so from someone as educated as you."

"Can you get that light?" she inquired, pointing to the last thing that was needed, her cheeks flushing crimson, "and we should be done for the evening. We can leave the layout grids up here, right, and we're gonna eat down at our camp?"

"Yes, of course, but I have come to invite you to dinner so you do not have to endure those PowerSticks that you were complaining about before," he replied as he asked, Adrienne pausing.

He's asking me out to dinner?

Wow, he's…asking…me…

"I am uncertain if it will be acceptable for your Wraith, but you and your other friends will hopefully enjoy."

Oh, you idiot, he's inviting all of us to dinner...

Moron…

Stop imagining things.

"That would be fantastic," she said with a smile, "I tell Daniel all of the time that Powerbars aren't food, glad you at least agree."

"Wonderful, shall I inform your friends?" he asked with another pause, he was unsure of something but she couldn't figure out what, maybe she wasn't imagining things, the look on his face right now, "Or do you need assistance in carrying something back to camp?"

"Help me and then we go get everyone?" she asked with a shrug.

Why am I saying this?

Because I like talking to him, he's like talking to…

Daniel.

It's like talking to Daniel.

I just want things like they were before…

"Certainly."

Without further direction needed, Paris grabbed both her bags and the light, heading onward to their camp.

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Humans liked to party which surprised him considering how weak and susceptible to so many things that they were. One would think that with attacks on their world as frequently as these people experienced, this world being one with which Todd was very familiar, they would have lost the will and spirit to celebrate anything at all.

Yet these people had not.

It was a harvest festival it seemed, food aplenty, more so he had heard this Paris tell Adrienne Jackson since the Wraith had fallen. Maybe that was the reason for this explosion of joy, these tables and tables of food, the music, dancing and singing all set on primitive copper colored tables, underground, the world lit by small flames jumping behind multi-colored glass globes hung on walls and on strings and lining the streets. The last he'd seen of such a festival he'd been in quite a different position than he was now, for now there was no hunger he was needing to satisfy.

The young woman Adrienne had brought along this time, a woman by the name of Katie, had started out very shy during the festivities, but after some gentle nudging from her superior, got up, had some wine and danced. Teyla didn't dance, but after the desserts were served she joined the men and women around a large fire, singing in a voice like he had never heard, enchanting in a way that he had never heard the Athosian or any Athosian sing like that before.

He was also pleased to see their team leader smiling again as well, pleased in a way that even surprised himself. She hadn't taken the news of her daughter well, Todd didn't need his telepathic abilities to tell him that, but he had used them nonetheless. Other than John Sheppard, this woman, who had stood up for him on countless occasions even before he had rescued her son from Aiden Ford, was the only friend he had, if he was even capable of that and right now, and recently, that bright, caring human had drawn into herself in such a disturbing fashion. He knew she enjoyed to exercise, to run, and she was still running, but forever it seemed, dark brown hair racing past him repeatedly as he sat with John in the common areas. She used to inquire about how he was doing, adjusting, if he needed any more candies, but she barely waved anymore. She used to be happy and affectionate with her husband, the commander that finally acted like he wasn't a disease set free to ravage the base, but now she treated him just like another professional. It wasn't that he cared, or maybe he did, he didn't know either way, but he was curious.

So he listened in.

Her mind was a mess, worry, worry and more worry, wrapped up in a web of insecurity, with something else he couldn't quite pin point, anger maybe? It was troublesome, her thoughts obsessing at times, over work, her children's future, whether or not her husband felt the same about her and she moved between the thoughts at such an alarming rate it gave him a headache to listen in. This was why his people had evolved; emotions such as these, so totally focused on others, wasted valuable time and energy just as he had been wasting right now.

And yet here he was, taking the time to see that she had finally risen to her feet herself, dragged to the dancing area by the young man who the Suban had sent to work with them. He was very pleasant, intelligent, and seemed to take quite the interest in Adrienne Jackson. He was now pulling her by her hands, redness clear in her cheeks even from this far away, leading her in a dance. The happiness emanating from her was unmistakable, so much that Todd shut off the link as to not intrude further as she was waltzed around the fire to the beat of the music.

He'd lost all contact with her in fact, sitting himself, reading the minds of the people around them, some terrified by his presence here, others paying him no attention, having plans of their own for potential lovers that he'd almost missed her darting by.

A flurry of emotion and sadness, and a sprinkle of confusion, Adrienne Jackson powered right past him, out of the main area and toward their encampment.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Cam had been so right about his 'lost puppy syndrome', because there was Daniel, standing at the gate, waiting for the wormhole to form as he eagerly awaited word from Adrienne. John had gone through early this morning to check on the team, Adrienne's radio unable to work underground even with the gate open. Rodney said there was nothing to worry about, it was a mineral in the ground that prevented the signal, and to be honest Daniel knew that Todd wouldn't let anything happen to her, more so now than ever before.

The room was filled with a pop and a crack, the race of energy coursing in his direction, making him realize he was a bit too close in his current position, wanting any word on the mission.

Or Adrienne.

What he really wanted to hear about was Adrienne.

John was waving as he came through, Daniel hoping that he wasn't appearing too eager. He was alone too, which was a disappointment. A small part of the commander had hoped that his wife would need to talk to him, confer with him, something, but she wasn't there, the wormhole closing to confirm that.

"Hey!" John shouted ahead, adjusting his pack to pull it from his shoulders. He must have something for him, maybe it was something from Adrienne, but the colonel didn't pull anything from the bag, simply removing the weight from his pack.

"Everything ok?" Daniel asked reactively, John nodding in reply.

"Yep, Addy's got the whole damn area laid out like a complicated checkerboard and barking orders like a pro."

She's doing well, he thought, maybe she's feeling better. The barking orders was enough to make him hopeful even if she wasn't standing right here telling him herself; Adrienne hadn't so much as had a staff meeting with her own people in well over a week.

"Has she found anything?" Daniel now inquired, the question just leading enough to get John to tell him how she was doing without making it sound as pathetic as he felt right now. He'd finally gotten the kids to stop arguing, if you could call that an argument, falling asleep with both of them in his bed. That was hard enough, but it was waking up without her?

That was hardest.

This wasn't just an overnight mission, they had been apart before but not after something like this, after the distance, and he just wanted to know if she was missing him like he was missing her.

He wanted to know if she wanted to ever see him again.

"Yeah and she was pretty excited too. Her and that Paris guy they set her up with, I found them knee deep together in rocks, and she was yammering on in what I think was Cajun, might have been something else, but they were thrilled about whatever she was talking about."

That was great news, he couldn't wait to hear what she had found, half tempted to tell Jack to keep the kids for the night and pack himself a bag, racing over to help her, to dig in, see her with dirt on her nose liked he loved to see her, she always got so dirty and excitable when on a dig…when it hit him.

Who was Paris?

"Paris?" he hoped his tone wasn't a complete giveaway.

"Yeah, he's like their version of a scribe. Teyla says that he was sent by the Suban leaders to keep records but Addy decided to show him the ropes. Had him all geared up and everything, laying out lines, teaching him Cajun swears, you know how she gets when she's working and has listening ears…" he kept talking, still no iPad, no flashdrive, nothing that would indicate that he had spoken with Adrienne to get any real information.

"So did Adrienne need anything? Her team? Supplies? Any of her research in the lab?"

"Nah," John shook his head, "she said they're good and she wants to organize everything for a formal presentation, you know how she is. And supply wise, it's harvest there and apparently the team went out last night, eating, drinking and dancing. Sounds like the perfect mission if you ask me; they may not wanna come home."

If Daniel could have thrown up, he probably would have.

Yes, he wanted Adrienne to have a good mission, he was elated to have her happy again, but she had gone out, dancing, having fun, being her, without...him.

He was dying inside.

"She said to tell you try not to let the kids destroy the place," John added quickly.

Daniel forced a smile, trying to tell himself that she was teasing out of love, that she was back to her old self and trying to let him know that everything was alright.

"Thanks," he said before he could choke on the phlegm building up in his throat, "I think Ronon needed you down in security as soon as you're free."

"No problem," and he was heading off, Daniel standing in the gate area, alone.

...they may not wanna come home...

...eating, drinking, dancing...

...knee deep...

...together...

...had him geared up and everything…

…laughing and teaching him Cajun swears…

…you know how she gets…

"Davidson?" Daniel called out, his voice cracking.

"Sir?"

"Can you cover things down here for a while?"

The young man nodded without hesitation, "Yes sir."

His head beginning to throb, Daniel stuffed his hands into his pockets, making his way straight to their quarters.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"I need a break, my body aches," Adrienne moaned, dust all over her face, her eyes, her nose, even some she swore in her teeth.

"I can imagine, between the dancing last night and your momentum today, I can hardly see how you are standing," he teased, playfully, Adrienne rolling her eyes.

"You've been hanging around me too long shug," she joked, shoving his shoulder, "that was called being a smart ass."

"And an ass is what you call your bottom?"

"Yeah," she laughed.

"And a smart ass would mean that your bottom is behaving intelligently?"

Adrienne stopped, frowning, wondering if he really had missed her explanations of various slang, he seemed very smart, until he started laughing uncontrollably.

"And that's called sarcasm ya tchew," she spat, Paris able to contain himself no longer.

"And tchew is your Cajun for ass again," he replied, "you seem to like to call people that."

"Yes, and cooyon, which is idiot, but I think I told ya that," she said and he nodded, she thought she had, "you learn fast."

"I have a good teacher."

Her heart skipped a beat.

Why had he said that?

"You remind me of my friend Jonas, a lot," she said instead, Paris' expression changing to curiosity.

"And that is a good thing?"

"Yeah, I adore him," she answered before she could choose better words, Paris smiling brightly, "he's a quick study, easy to talk to and he can cook, damn he can cook."

"Your friend cooks for you?"

"Oh yeah," she talked, relieved, Jonas Quinn was always a safe topic, "whenever he's nearby. Actually, we hadn't seen him for a long time and the first thing he did when he came through on the gatebridge was make us dinner. Man took over my entire kitchen..."

Paris laughed, Adrienne setting aside the trowel and leaning back again the hole they had made, smiling softly.

"Thanks," she whispered, her new friend again mystified.

"For what?"

"For, well, this has been fun, a lot of fun, thanks for just being fun," she stammered a bit, picking at her nails. She had missed this, being herself, not the first lady of Atlantis, not the mother of two exceptional children that she did NOT feel equipped to parent, just being Adrienne. She was about to reach out and grab her vitamin water, take a swig and get back to it when the Suban man tossed his own trowel aside. He stood there for a moment, Adrienne's face furrowed in confusion, the Cajun about to offer him some of her water, when he reached out for her face, bringing his lips to hers...

"No," she sputtered out instantly, stepping back, tripping on the rocks behind.

"I am sorry, I thought..."

"No," she was shaking her head, she had been right, she hadn't been imagining things, the way he had been talking with her these past few days, the way he had sat so closely to her at dinner, the way he danced with her, "it's just, no, I'm, I, sorry, just sorry."

Scampering, Adrienne left her tools behind, crawling to get out, her heart racing, torn, ashamed, walking as fast as her feet could carry her.

Dr. Adrienne Jackson escaped the dig site with such speed that she didn't even notice the blue figure following her.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"Dad?" Nicholas was pushing his arm, breaking him from his trance at the dinner table, "I fed Helena, but she wants you."

That was a change, considering that she had barely wanted to leave her brother's sight when he went to pick them up from Jack's after spending the afternoon in his quarters, alone. Daniel had tried to read, to sleep, to do anything but obsess or race down to the gate and march right over to that dig site, demanding to know what was going on, to try to figure out how after weeks of trying to even get her to smile, this stranger had her laughing and working in merely a day.

"Thanks Nicholas, I'm coming," he muttered, standing from the kitchen table, leaving the chair out, his cup of coffee barely touched.

"Did you hear something from Mom?"

Yes, she doesn't need me anymore...

"Yeah, but she wants to give it all in a big presentation when she gets back," he answered instead.

"Figures, it IS Mom," the boy smiled, not seeing anything wrong, thankfully.

"You head to bed, Jack was talking about taking you guys to the mainland tomorrow," Daniel added, truthfully, but he knew why Jack was taking the kids. His old friend had seen it on his face, getting Sam to take the kids into the kitchen since she had volunteered to make dinner for everyone while he had pulled Daniel into the living area to sit down.

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing."

"You're a shitty liar, have always been a shitty liar," Jack answered back quickly, "What did Addy do?"

"Nothing Jack, I'm fine."

"John came by here, Dex had him doing bug sweeps and they wanted to test something in the living quarters and he told me that Dr. Perky's having a grand old time over there, that she's back to normal."

"I know," Daniel signed.

"And yet we're still upset," Jack led, leaning over.

"I'm not upset."

"Who is he?"

"What?"

"You think you're the only person around here that the aliens and whatnot fall all over while you remain clueless. Half this base would be knocking on Dr. Perky's door were you to get sick of her..."

"I would never get sick of her…"

"I said were, don't you pay attention?" Jack shot back, "so, that leads me to believe that Dr. Perky is having a grand old time over there with another man and that's why you look like you wanna die."

Damn Jack.

"The Suban guide," the commander grumbled, "she's been spending a lot of time with the Suban guide."

"And he's a looker?"

"Dammit Jack I have no idea' John didn't come back with an attractiveness scale. Either way, he was supposed to be observing and taking notes, but instead she'd got him wearing our gear and excavating, with her, by her side, like..."

"You two used to do..."

Daniel paused, reaching under his glasses to rub his face.

"Yeah, like we used to."

"Don't think I'll forget the two of you crawling around on your stomachs in the jungle, speaking French and then high fiving each other like idiots." Jack added with a sigh, wishing there was something he could do other than offer moral support, "She's not a cheater."

"God Jack, I know that, it's not cheating I'm worried about."

"Then what are you worried about? Dr. Perky loves you to death, why I don't know, but she does," the former general assured, as Daniel shrugged.

"I know, she wouldn't lie, or cheat, I know that and I trust her. And I know that she loves me, but she's not happy," Daniel began, having worked it all out the best he could this afternoon, that she did love him, that she was a bigger person than to try to make love to him when she didn't, "and you can love someone or something with all of your heart, but every person has a point where they just can't. I think she's there. I think this is all too much for her."

Daniel was expecting agreement, but Jack shook his head.

"I don't think you're giving her credit for how strong she is."

The archaeologist sighed, pinching his nose under his glasses.

"Jack, you don't understand, there was this time, a long time ago, long before we were together and we went out to dinner, just me and Adrienne..."

"Wait, how many times are we gonna change your 'When me & Dr. Perky hooked up' story?"

Daniel frowned.

"We were just starting to get along, trying to make peace and she found out her cousin was getting married. She was upset because despite getting a PhD, being published, being an award winning professor, and as far as her family knew now working for the government and traveling around the world, she still felt as if she was a failure, that she needed to settle down and have kids to be a success in their eyes," he explained as Jack shook his head.

"Your point?"

"My point is that despite how strong she is or how much she'd gone against the grain, Adrienne was raised to believe that. What if she didn't marry me because she wanted to? What if saying yes was because culturally speaking she felt it was what she was supposed to do?"

"No," Jack countered, "she married you because for some reason she enjoys dealing with your whining."

"I don't whine."

"Yeah, ya do," Jack replied.

Grumbling Daniel stood to go to the kitchen, he didn't want to think about this anymore, he wanted to see his kids, when he paused, looking back.

"Would you let her go?" he asked quietly, the sadness clear on his face, "if Sam really wasn't happy, if this really wasn't the life for her, would you let her go?"

Jack was quiet for a moment, diverting his gaze until he finally looked up at Daniel, no smirk or other expression on his face.

"Yeah," he muttered, "I would."

"Come here Lena," Daniel cooed as he pushed the memory from hours earlier aside, crawling onto his bed where Nicky had left her, he needed to mention to his son to barricade her in before leaving her like that again, "aren't you tired yet?"

An image popped into his head, one of a bed for sure, but the one she was in and not a crib. Daniel laughed, sitting on the edge to take off his shoes, his son jumping on his back as he did.

"Can I stay in here too?"

The commander couldn't help but smile.

"Why not," he conceded.

If anything, his kids made him feel better.

He just wished that had worked for Adrienne.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

The anger, embarrassment and frustration that she was feeling was something she couldn't even put into words were she in the mood to talk to Teyla or to anyone, and she stormed off, tears streaming down her face. She didn't even think to shut the flap of the tent behind her, crawling right across her sleeping bag, shoving herself into the corner and drawing her knees to her chest, sobbing uncontrollably.

She hated that being with him made her feel like this.

"Fuck you!" she screamed out, guilt coursing through her again over something she couldn't even have controlled. She'd done nothing wrong; she hadn't done anything to make Paris think for a moment that she had any interest in him. She'd talked about her job and her family...

...but not Daniel.

It wasn't that she had intentionally decided not to mention him, it was that she had nothing to say. She hadn't worked with her husband on any project for well over a month and she realized sitting here, sobbing, that other than parent and have sex she and Daniel hadn't really done anything together for her to talk about.

She sobbed harder.

"Of all of the humans I have encountered, you puzzle me the most," a gruff voice declared, Todd taking a seat in the tent without an invitation before Adrienne could object. She sucked in tears with a glare, that glare she reserved for when she was truly angry.

"Get out Todd."

"No, because as the leader of security on this mission, I have noted one of the native inhabitants of the planet had incited an incident with the team leader and it is my duty to see what course of action you would like to be taken next."

Glancing up she saw that he was sitting crossed legged, Todd having no intention of leaving.

"Leave Paris alone, he didn't do anything wrong."

"Then why did you shout no and then retreat."

"Because he kissed me - "

"And you did not wish him to?"

"No, but it was a misunderstanding, I -"

This time Todd didn't interrupt, sitting there in silence, watching.

"I don't need you to do anything Todd, thank you," she stated clearly.

"Then why are you thinking you want me to shut down the entire operation so you can leave?" he asked, Adrienne glaring at him a second time.

"We went over this Todd," she growled, "it's impolite to read people's minds. No one likes that."

"I do not read many minds, but yours is fascinating."

For just a moment she was tempted to slug a Wraith, which was probably not the best course of action.

"There she is..." he said with his eerie smile.

"What are you talking about?" she sneered evilly but he didn't flinch.

"You have more thoughts in your mind than most, and it is interesting. You think about your job and your projects and your staff often and I find it amazing that a human has the capacity to handle as many different tasks as you. There are not many, John is a human that can, but there are very few."

Adrienne maintained her glare in complete silence.

"When you are not thinking about your position as department head, of which you are very proud, your thoughts are a swirl of wild emotion. You love your children very deeply, just as Teyla loves hers and Vala Dex her own. It is something I never understood either, why humans feel for their offspring as they do when they can make another. And your mate, there is a different sentiment for him as well, one of the strongest I have felt. He is more than the man you love it seems, he is a part of your very being. I listen because not only is that different from the Wraith but different from most humans I have encountered."

Adrienne picked her nails, still staring.

"But then there is another, a great warrior. She's there, she's a part of who you are but for some reason that even you do not seem to know you have decided that she needs to be hidden. But she does not. You do great things when you let her out..."

"I do idiotic things when I let her out," Adrienne finally spoke, her eyes still diverted downward.

"Facing me was not idiotic, it was brave. Most humans are not that brave. That is why I took the girl. She is that brave. Again, it is fascinating."

"Why?" she asked, not holding back, but genuinely wondering. She'd known that Todd had his reasons for what he did, most she agreed with her husband that the Wraith did so for self-preservation, but others, like saving Saurza, Nicholas, like his work on the team, like making sure that no one would threaten Ronon and the other runners again, those didn't seem to make any good sense.

"As a guide I was trained in many things, politics, leadership, basic engineering, but all were connected to one purpose: culling humans. Hunger drove my entire existence but now that I have the supplement it does not. I feed as I need and I have time to learn about things that were never important to learn about. Who wants to know the thoughts, feelings or emotions of their food? Now that you are no longer, I wish to know."

She couldn't resist. His response was creepy but she also refused to believe that this creature saved her son just because he was curious about something he couldn't eat.

"You care about us now," she pushed, wanting to know, a part of her hoping she was right.

"I do not."

"Yeah, ya do. Ya came to check on me."

"I came to see if the mission was in jeopardy," he replied calmly.

"No, you were worried about me, admit it," she shot back, his expression unchanging.

"If you will admit that at this moment you have let her out again and you feel like yourself. Your children are well, healthy, and their gifts will not be a detriment to their lives, only an advantage. Yes, your daughter is part Wraith, a very small part, but she is just as human as you are."

Adrienne dropped to silence again.

"Things never stay the same but that does not mean that you cannot adapt to them without losing yourself."

It wasn't just what he said but how he said it, almost as if there was a sadness in his voice. She'd been right about him; he was lost and trying to find his place in this world.

Just like she was.

"I should stop crying like an idiot," she stammered, rubbing her face.

"That may be wise," and he stood, leaving the tent, the opened flap fluttering down behind him.

Feeling a bit better, although nervous to have to talk to poor Paris about his mixed signals, Adrienne stood, catching something out of the corner of her eye. Maybe it was a trick of the light but at that very instant the small glimmer creeping in through the tent flap caught her wrist.

The owl of Athena, goddess of wisdom, divine intelligence, architecture and crafts, and warfare.

Maybe Todd was right; maybe she needed to let out her inner goddess once in a while.

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"Excuse me? Dr. Jackson?" Elias Bosse was politely knocking at his door, bright and early at nine just as he was opening his to do list for the day.

"Morning Elias, what can I help you with?"

"I'm running soil tests on our various allied planets, looking for minerals or anything we may need to be able to trade. The sample from M7R-090 is pretty interesting, and I wondered since Addy, er, Dr. Jackson is there, could I hop over there and get some more samples?"

Daniel almost smiled at his slip, calling her Addy like she kept telling everyone to do when he remembered, his nightmares last night coming back to him, tossing and turning, finally leaving the kids in the bed to go and sleep on the sofa alone.

Her face, smeared with dirt, her lips pressed to a dark haired man, pale skin, he couldn't see his face as he pushed her down into the hole…

"Sure, interesting how?"

And then she was smiling, dancing around a fire like she had on one mission in particular, one where in a drunken stupor they had snuck off and made love while the others were occupied…

Elias looked over his shoulder before leaning on the desk, whispering.

"Naquadah and a few other gate residuals, but from deep underground."

"Why are you whispering?" Daniel asked confused, pushing the sickness in his stomach away.

"Rodney."

Dr. Bosse didn't need to say anything else, Daniel understanding instantly.

"Thank you sir," the scientist said graciously, Daniel nodding, "Oh do you need me to take anything to Addy, eh, Dr. -"

Don't say Jackson, she doesn't wanna be a Jackson anymore…

"You can call her Addy Elias, it's ok, but no, thank you," he answered, the scientist starting to leave when Daniel had a thought, remembering, a page in his journal from three in the morning and he could tell her, talk to her without going there, give her what she needed to be happy…

"Elias?"

"Sir?"

This is the right thing to do…

"Go ahead and pack up, there is a note I'd like for you to take her, if you wouldn't mind."

The man shook his head with a smile, "Not at all sir."

"Thanks," Daniel said as he stood, heading down to their quarters.

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"Addy!"

She peeked out of the hole, again, knee deep in dirt, brushing loose hairs out of her face.

"Elias! Hey, everything ok?" she was concerned, he was the last person she expected to see, all geared up with a large utility box.

"Yeah, it's great, just wanted to come and steal some dirt from you if that's ok," he said with a smile, pointing to join her.

"Plenty of room for two my friend, be my guest," she played, displaying her hands in front of her, "something good?"

"More curious, we've found naquadah at levels lower than normal and some other residuals. I just wanted to get some more samples before Rodney comes in and takes credit for everything," he joked, unloading his bag, vials, tubes and other things laid out at his shoulder level.

"Sounds good and you need to make sure you tell Daniel. He's been keeping Rodney in his place pretty darn well and he won't let you lose the cred, I swear."

"Already did, how do you think I got here?" he said with a smile, snapping his fingers suddenly, "speaking of, he asked me to give you this."

"Rodney?" she asked confused, Elias shaking his head.

"No, Daniel," he said, handing Adrienne an envelope. She frowned, wondering what was in the envelope, turning it over carefully in her hands.

"Thanks Elias," she said, slipping her finger in to open the top, peeking inside.

It was a letter, or some sort of message, handwritten tucked into an envelope.

"Hey, excuse me a sec, just yell if you need anything," she rambled, stuffing the letter into her pocket before hoisting herself from the hole. She pushed more hair out of her face, walking over to the corner, Paris hot on her heels.

"Is everything alright?" he was sweet still, but cautious. They had talked last night, Adrienne explaining that she was a happily married woman and while she was flattered, and he was very handsome, that the kiss was inappropriate and she was sorry if she led him on in any fashion. He had been very kind and understanding, overly apologetic at times, so much so that she'd laughed and told him the Jonas story.

Paris had decided that she just had that effect on non-Terran men.

"Not sure, my husband sent me a note," she was careful to say husband and not Daniel, just to insure that he remembered their talk.

"I hope that everything is alright with your children," he was jumping to the same conclusion that she was starting to, but then again if something was wrong with the kids then she would have thought that he would be here himself rather than send a message through Elias.

"Me too..." she trailed, pulling out the paper, journal paper, unfolding it carefully.

Adrienne,

There were a lot of things that we worried about in the beginning, none of which included any of this. The moment I told you how I felt about you was the moment that this no longer was a job for you, because until that moment, you had a choice that the rest of us didn't have. You could have taken what you learned and moved on, gotten that job at the Smithsonian that you applied for but you didn't. You stayed with me, you married me and we started a family. No, this isn't normal in the least, in fact I'm not sure if a single aspect of our entire relationship has been normal at all but I love it nonetheless.

And I love you, with every fiber of my being, which is why I'm writing this.

Adrienne, I'm sorry, for everything, for not being the person that you need. More than anything I want you to be happy, and I've been thinking about that a lot lately, what can make you happy again, what can make you smile again and put life back into your eyes. If that's on Earth, I'll resign as Commander and we can go home, to the Bayou, to Greece, we can go wherever you need. And if that's not with me, if I can't give you what you need anymore, I understand that too.

I just want you to be happy again, because that's what you deserve.

Daniel

A tear escaped her eye, streaking slowly down the side of her face.

"Dr. Jackson, are you alright?" Paris asked, a hand on her shoulder.

He thought she was leaving...

Where in the hell did he get such an insane idea?

Sure, they'd been distant lately but she was feeling better now, after coming on this mission, getting some perspective, after…

Was he leaving her?

"No," she replied, "I'm not," walking over to her gear, shutting her composition book and stuffing it into her bag, without so much as a word to the very confused Elias, "I need to go home."

"Is there a problem?" Paris further questioned, his handsome face so confused, his dark black eyes watching her carefully.

"Yeah, there is," she admitted, to herself, understanding where she had been wrong.

Sure, there's fate, but a person can make their own destiny, and by accepting things as they were, by dooming her children before they could even have a chance to prove themselves able to overcome the obstacles of their births, by just letting her marriage become that humdrum that marriages become she was doing to herself exactly what she fought against for so long.

No more.

With the same determination that she had had when she had decided that fate would no longer dictate who she could and could not love, she turned and hugged her new friend tightly, pulling back while still holding his shoulders.

She's was gonna be that person that Todd saw she was hiding.

Adrienne Rowan Jackson was gonna own her life again and stop letting her life be dictated to her.

"Paris, you're a wonderful, talented and handsome man and I'm honored to have met you," she started as he gave her a sad smile.

"But..."

"But my husband thinks that I'm leaving him, thinks I'm not happy but the thing is, I am. I'm so happy that when one tiny little obstacle presents itself, I'm not even able rationalize a solution. I'll be leaving a crew here, I'd really like you to continue to work with them, but I'm going home to my family."

She didn't want to discuss it any further, Todd already at his feet, having read her mind like he had been telling her he would do, nodding in understanding.

And with that, Adrienne Jackson ran back to the Stargate, not even stopping to say goodbye.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Daniel sat at the foot of his bed holding his wedding ring in his fingertips. Two years, they had nearly made it two years married, hell, more than three years together. That made Adrienne the longest relationship of his life and he should be thankful he not only had her as long as he did but that she gave him two wonderful children that he cherished more than anything.

He'd sent the letter, the hardest thing he ever had to put to paper, to let her go, because there had been a change between them and she needed a chance to live her life and not just follow around his.

The kids were with Jack today, on the mainland, thankfully, because he really wasn't ready to explain anything to at least Nicholas yet, and he didn't want either of them to see him cry.

"Adrienne…" and he broke down, sobbing into his hands, lost and having no desire to do anything else.

"Daniel?"

He looked up and there she was, in her off world uniform, her face dirty with dust. She'd been working, that was obvious, but it seemed she'd rushed from the site, not even bothering to clean herself up as her hands were dark with debris.

"Hey," he sucked in, standing, shoving the ring quickly into his pocket.

"Can we talk?"

"Yeah," he choked out, knowing what was coming out of her mouth.

How could I have ever, he thought, she was too good for me from day one...

"I got your letter," she said, taking a few steps closer, reaching out a hand that he didn't take.

He didn't answer either.

"I don't want you to give up this job, it's your dream," she continued, Daniel shoving his hands into his pockets and looking at the ground.

"Ok..."

"And I don't wanna give you up either, not for anything," she added, but he still didn't glance back up, not ready to meet her gaze, to bring closure to this.

"Daniel?"

"Yeah."

"Do you want to end this?" she asked, her voice trembling, she was upset, making Daniel look up in confusion.

"No, why would I?" he questioned as tears streaked down her filthily face.

"Because you gave me an out," and she broke down, holding the piece of paper up to him.

"No I didn't…"

"Yes," she spat as she threw the paper onto the bed, "you did. That's an out."

"I didn't mean it like that..." he defended, leaving the paper on the bed, "I just want you to be happy…"

"I AM HAPPY," she sobbed.

"No," he replied as he stepped forward, "you're not." She shook again, crying, because he was right but he just couldn't stand there any longer, taking her into his arms.

"I haven't been, but, it's just that..."

"I know," he agreed as he kissed her head, "and I understand. Adrienne, I love you more than I thought was possible to love another person and I can't live watching you fall apart."

"I don't wanna lose you..."

"But maybe that was what was supposed to happen," he spat out what his heart was begging him not to say but needed to be said nonetheless, "fate only brought us together, but nothing ever said we were supposed to stay that way."

"I say," she sucked in tears stepping back, being that fighter, "I say we're supposed to stay that way."

"But what about Paris? John said you were happy, like we used to be, and I want you to be where you're happy…" he asked, Adrienne shaking her head.

"Daniel, dammit, I'm thirty four years old with two kids. When I hot young man takes an interest of course I'm gonna be flattered, do you expect me not to be flattered, especially when every gah damn woman in da gah damn galaxy wants my man," she laughed a little, wiping tears from her cheeks.

"But John said you two seemed so..."

"Lawd no Indy, dammit, and ya makin' me wanna smack John," she explained, "Look, with how we started here, the constant headaches of things malfunctioning for no reason, Ford, Nicky just being Nicky, Helena and her Wraith DNA, and I just..."

"What ja-wer?" he noted she was tearing up again, rubbing her face.

"I miss you, so badly," she said clearly as she could through tears, "we used to talk every night until we passed out, after working together all day. We used to be best friends and not just two married people that pass through the night. We'd lay in bed and make fun of Rodney or throw cups of cold water into each other's showers. I can't even remember the last time we even kidded around with one another. Hell, you don't even work in the damn lab YOU set up to be closer to me. Dammit, you're the best friend I've ever had and I miss you Daniel."

"I miss you too," and he reached out to hold her again, Adrienne pausing to grab his hand, gazing back up at him in shock.

"Where's your ring?"

"In my pocket," he stepped back, reaching in to pull it out, "I shouldn't have taken it off, Ad, I'm sorry, I wasn't giving up, I never..." he stammered but Adrienne just shook her head, pushing his hand away and reaching into his uniform pocket. She was silent as she took the small piece of jewelry from him, holding it in her fingers.

"How many times do I have to tell you forever?" she asked.

"I'm stubborn, you knew that going in," he said with a smile.

"John on call?"

"Yeah," Daniel answered quickly, "haven't been feeling too confident in my decision making skills the past few days."

"Good," she whispered, sliding the ring onto his finger, "I told you, stuck, you had your chance to back out."

"I didn't take it then and I'm not taking it now," he said quickly.

"Where the kids?"

"With Jack, he didn't want them to see me upset," Daniel admitted quietly, Adrienne bringing a hand to his face.

"Then, I'd like my husband to help get me cleaned up and then join me in gorging on ice cream and watching an awful film while he fills me in on the insanity I've missed digging around Lantain temples and I tell him the amazing merde Imma bout to blow ya minds with once I make this presentation."

"Adrienne, I meant it," he hesitated, pulling away from her as she pulled him closer, "I want you to be happy."

"Then listen to me when I say that yeah, this is the most insane life I think a person could have EVER been dealt, ever. I'm scared as hell for the kids, terrified that the Wraith are gonna come back and kill us all, petrified that you will die, again…"

"For the record," he interrupted, his arms slipping around her waist, "you now seem to beat me in that category..."

"Anyway, it's a lot to handle. A lot in a very short period of time. You've been doing this nearly your entire adult life, me, not so much," she explained, kissing him softly, "and sometimes I just need to step away and take a breath before it drowns me. Sometimes I need to remember there's an Addy in here too, and I can't lose her. "

"I understand," he whispered, "whenever you need, whatever you need, a break, anything, you just let me know. I don't wanna lose her either."

"Ok, so, then, right now I need your sexy body in my shower, pronto," she smiled, "I'm filthy, and, you know what? I wanna talk shop while you wash my hair, break all of my rules and be nerdy and speak French and Ancient and analyze my gridding technique verses classical practice. And a back rub, not me, you, I've been a complete and total drama queen and you sha deserve a back rub. Can we do that? All of that?"

Glowing, she wasn't leaving, she really meant forever, how had he been so wrong, Daniel leaned over to pick her up in his arms.

"We can do whatever you want," he whispered, kissing her cheek as he carried her to the bathroom.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Adrienne lay in the bed, Daniel sprawled across her lap as she ran her fingers listlessly through his hair.

"That was…"

"More us," she answered for him, letting her fingers run down his bare shoulder, "much more us."

"Yeah," he snuggled down into her embrace, letting her caress his skin, "that's one way to put it."

"I do need to go back," she admitted slowly, "we're gonna have to postpone ice cream and the movie. That was a bit of a dramatic exit, and no smartass remarks about my drama, I accept it and recognize the need to fix it…"

"I know," he whined rolling to his side, smiling at her, a long finger running along her hip, "even if I don't want you to go I know you have to."

"It's SOOO worth it sha," she sat up slightly, excited again, hands flailing in happiness, "the Nieta stuff I was telling you about in the shower was just the beginning, they may even be matriarchal, they revered her as a warrior, it's amazing, just amazing!"

"I can't wait," he replied as she slipped away, "but you'll be back tomorrow? Can I get the inside track on this big presentation?"

She stopped, smiling, reaching down for his hand before getting herself dressed.

"Come with me," she whispered, "Daniel, come see what we've found, get dirty with me, get a headache from lack of light, come with me."

He paused for a moment, considering her offer.

He had a list of things to do, Cam gating back through in a few days with more bureaucratic red tape mess, Ronon's security report, well that didn't take long but still, and there was yet another Rodney meeting, Radek wanted to give him a walk-through of the gardens…when he stood, his mind made up.

He'd come here to explore the galaxy, not push paper.

And right now, his wife wanted to explore.

"I need to call John, make sure Jack's ok with the kids if not, Vala came by yesterday and said if we needed a break…"

She didn't let him finish, throwing him back onto the bed, landing on top of him, pressing her lips to his.

She'd take that as a yes…