Thank you everyone who actually bothers to read my ramblings, thank you to those of you that follow/fave etc and a special thank you to those of you that review - I love you loads. To the lovely Guest reviewer from the last chapter - you actually made me cry! Thank you so much for your kind words, I just hope I can continue to provide you with enjoyable chapters.
Clara went back to school, she couldn't stay with her Dad 24/7. Paula stuck by her closer than before, but she also allowed her to see Danny which Clara was more than thankful for. She spent a lot of time at the hospital with her Dad in the evenings which meant she was struggling to keep up with her work as well and quite frankly she needed the break that half term would provide. Unfortunately that didn't mean she was looking forward to it.
Paula knocked on the door that morning just as Clara was doing up her tie. Jess answered and let her in, going back to what she was doing. "All quiet in here this morning, everything okay?"
"Oh yeah, fantastic," Clara replied sarcastically, not looking round.
"She won't talk to us, something's not right," Faye commented. Paula nodded and gestured to them to head off to lessons. Clara went to follow but was stopped. She sighed, crossing her arms and waiting.
"What's with your attitude today?" Paula asked her, her look suggesting she was far from impressed. Clara shifted her weight onto one side and shrugged. "Right either you start talking or this stops right now, but preferably both if you don't mind."
"Maybe I do mind, maybe I'm fed up of pretending I'm fine with all this. In 10 days everyone else will be going home and I don't even know where I'll be going. I'm trying to balance my school work with seeing my Dad and I have to keep calling my Gran to make sure she's okay. Everyone thinks I'm okay, why would I be okay?" Clara reached over and grabbed her bag. "I need to go, I'll be late."
"Clara we need to talk about this," Paula told her, "I need to talk to you too."
"I don't care, I can't afford to miss lessons," she walked by her, "you don't have to follow if you're that bothered," Clara added and walked out, leaving Paula a little made it to maths with seconds to spare and sat down at the front. Danny was looking at her when she came in but she tried not to look back, sitting down.
Mr Fraser started the lesson but she wasn't really concentrating. She hadn't slept much in days and it was all beginning to get a bit much, but she had to keep going - her Dad was relying on her to be strong and her Gran needed that too. "Clara, you with us?" she suddenly heard the teacher's voice and sat up.
"Yes, sorry sir," she replied.
"Can you answer my question then?" he asked. Clara quickly looked up and scanned the board, trying to work out what was going on. "Clara?"
"734," she replied, shrugging and looking back down.
"Can you explain how you got there?" he asked.
"It's the answer, why does it matter how I got there. It's hardly difficult," she shrugged and picked up her pen, twisting it in her fingers.
"Right, outside now please. The rest of you carry on with the questions in front of you." Mr Fraser spoke sternly. There was a general murmur of shock and Clara could hear Jackie at the back making comments. "This isn't a show, get on with it!" He added before following Clara out of the classroom and shutting the door. "Where's Miss Grogie?" he asked Clara who leant against the wall, not looking at him. She shrugged, "I thought she was meant to be with you at all lessons this week."
"Yeah well she's clearly not, I told her not to bother," Clara didn't look up.
"What exactly is going on? This attitude is very unlike you, I can normally rely on you to be well behaved Clara, but what went on in there is quite frankly unacceptable."
"Oh yeah everyone can rely on me can't they? That's it Clara will be fine we don't have to worry about her, she's clever and bright so what can possibly go wrong? Maybe I'm fed up with it! Maybe it's tiring. Maybe everyone should stop expecting me to be so damn perfect!" she didn't quite realise how loud her voice had got until she stopped. Mr Fraser was staring at her a little shocked when she looked up and suddenly it dawned on her what had just happened. Before he could reply she pushed by him and ran off up the corridor, ignoring the calls of her name behind her.
It was break and nobody could find her. Paula caught up with 3 other teachers who had been out looking, including Mr Fraser. "Adam are you sure she didn't give any impression of where she was going?" Paula asked him.
"No, she just ran off, still no sign?" he replied.
"Nothing. I've already called the hospital but she's not there, she's not at her Gran's - who is getting very anxious now - I've checked everywhere round the school I can think of, I'm beginning to get more than a little concerned," she ran a hand through her hair, trying to think of anywhere Clara could have gone.
"We all read this wrong, it's not just you," Adam tried to reassure her.
"Yeah, but only one of us is meant to spot these signs better, but I didn't. Given her health situation this is getting dangerous now. We need to find her."
"Is there anywhere else she could've gone?" Yasmin, one of the art teachers who had offered to help popped into the conversation.
"I don't know I-" she suddenly stopped. "I don't know, but I know someone that might. Keep looking, try outside again. I need to speak to someone." Paula finished and disappeared.
#-#-#-#
Danny knew Clara was missing, Jess had text him to say so. She'd also told him that Clara had left her phone in her bag, so they couldn't call her. Quite frankly he was going out of his mind, but there was little he could do. He sat in the corner that they always seemed to go in at break, Jackie sat next to him and leaning slightly on him while talking to her friends. "...it was hilarious, did she think she was being cool or something because it really didn't suit her."
"Apparently nobody has seen her since, weirdo," Bridget giggled in a way that really grated on Danny. He decided to tune out of the girls conversation and started listening to his mates talking about the football. That was quickly disturbed when Paula appeared at the group. "Miss we had nothing to do with it, you can ask Mr Fraser," Bridget immediately commented.
"I'm well aware. This has nothing to do with Clara, I'm just bringing a message - Danny you're wanted in the headteachers office." It was convincing enough.
There was a group 'oooooooooooo' as Danny stood up and grabbed his rucksack.
"He's not in trouble, honestly you lot. Anyway, I've got more important things to be doing so come on," she walked off, Danny following.
Only when they were a couple of corridors down did she find an empty classroom and open the door, going inside and getting Danny to follow her in. "This isn't the office…" Danny pointed out.
"Well spotted. I lied, believe me it wasn't fun but needs must," Paula told him, "we can't find Clara, we've tried her home, the hospital, her Gran's and every place I can think of round school. Do you have any other ideas?"
Danny could see how stressed she was, and he could feel the worry building up in himself too. If Clara was anywhere alone and stressed then anything could have happened. "I don't know, I don't… no. No I do. She's scared and she feels like she's letting her family down, there's only one place she would go."
Suddenly it dawned on Paula what he was talking about. "Of course. Can you show me where it is?"
#-#-#-#
Clara lay on the floor of the graveyard, not caring how cold it was. It was colder than the previous time she'd been here, but she could barely tell as her tears ran down her face. "I'm sorry Mum, I've let everyone down. Dad's so ill and I can't do anything, Gran can barely cope on her own but I can't go to hers and now I've ruined everything at school. I don't know how to cope with it, there's nobody to tell me how. What am I meant to do? I'm so confused and so… so… no, not now," she shut her eyes right and curled up, the feeling overwhelming her. She should've known this would happen, but in all her determination to get away she'd missed the signs. Opening her eyes again was futile - everything started to disappear in front of her as the world went black. The last thing she heard was a faint shout in the distance, but there was no way for her to respond when her consciousness slipped away.
"Clara?!" Danny called, trying to remember where he found her previously. "I know it's somewhere over here," he ran and Paula followed.
"Got her!" Paula shouted as she spotted her in the distance on the floor. Danny immediately realised where she was looking and ran over.
"No Clara no…" he knelt down beside her, realising she'd obviously just come out of a seizure. He picked her up a little off the floor. "She's freezing," he sighed and carefully slipped his jacket off, wrapping it around her. "It all got too much and she didn't say, why didn't she say?"
"I think she was too scared to admit she wasn't coping," Paula joined him on the floor. "We all missed it. She's a very good actress."
"It should have been obvious," Danny stroked her hair. "We need to take her to the hospital, she's not waking up."
"Agreed, are you able to carry her?" Paula asked and he nodded. "Alright. I'll phone in and let them know. I won't mention you, we will cover that later," she added when Danny looked concerned. "Ready?"
#-#-#-#
When she woke she knew immediately where she was, but she hadn't got a clue how she had got there. She looked around at the seemingly empty room until she realised it wasn't as empty as it seemed. "Danny…" she managed to get out a little weakly.
He looked up suddenly from whatever he'd been reading on his phone and jumped up when he realised she was awake. "Hey you," he grabbed her hand and squeezed it. "You know how to give us all a fright," he stroked her hair back gently. Clara observed her set up, the line in her arm and the monitor. "You were very cold and dehydrated when they checked you over. You haven't been looking after yourself Clara."
"Too busy," she replied quietly but he shook his head, kissing her forehead. "I'm sorry."
"No, I'm sorry. I should have noticed," he replied. "It's hardly the first time."
"I've just got better at hiding it," she pointed out. "Does Dad…"
"No, they decided not to tell him for now," he told her.
"Good, he doesn't need to know," Clara sat up a little. "Are you okay?"
"Fine, just covering my tracks," he waved his phone a little before putting it away. "If anyone asks, my aunt isn't well and I've gone home to see her on special permission."
"So I'm your aunt now?" she raised an eyebrow.
Danny chuckled, "alright cheeky, glad to see you haven't lost that," he grinned and kissed her gently. "You know everything's gonna be alright, we will get through this."
"I still don't know where they're sending me in the holidays," she sighed. "I'm scared Danny."
He got Clara to shuffle over so he could sit beside her on the bed and put his arms around her. "Whatever happens I'm always here, always on the end of a phone. I'm sure whoever they put you with they'll be lovely and it's only until your Dad is better." Clara leant into him and settled down, still tired from the seizure. "If you're nice I might even visit."
"If it's not too far away," Clara shrugged.
"Like that would stop me," he kissed her head again. "Sleep if you need to."
Before Clara could reply the door opened and Paula walked in. "Ah you're awake, how are you feeling?" she asked.
"No idea, dazed I guess. I'm sorry I didn't mean to cause so many problems I just freaked out. I know there'll be consequences, that's fine," she told Paula who nodded.
"We'll deal with that when we're back. I'd better go and let Hayley know you're awake," she explained and left the room again.
"Not sure it's a good sign when your doctor and your TA are on first name terms…" Clara put her hands over her face in a bit of embarrassment. "You're very warm."
"You're very not, that's why you've got warm fluids," Danny pointed out.
"There's a very grossly romantic response to be had there, but I'm not the type of person to use it," she winked up at him and he laughed at her.
"Dirty mind," he tutted and Clara chuckled, "what am I going to do with you?" She raised her eyebrows at him. "My goodness Oswald, go to sleep before you get in trouble."
"Oh I think it's a little late for that don't you?" Clara replied, but she was actually very tired and it didn't take long for her to drop off when she shut her eyes.
#-#-#-#
They never did tell her Dad what happened, it wasn't worth it. She was discharged later that day when her temperature was up and she'd promised to eat and drink normally which is exactly what she did. The next week seemed easier with teachers being a lot more supportive and Clara almost forcing herself to be more positive. Today was more difficult however. Clara was stood outside Paula's office and she knew social services were inside. It was only 3 days until half term and a decision had to have been made on where she was going. Whatever they were talking about in there it was taking a long time too and Clara was sure there'd been some raised voices.
"Ooo in trouble again are we?" Jackie walked by with her friends and grinned at her stood outside the office. Clara ignored her, too caught up in her own thoughts. "Oi shortass," she added and Clara rolled her eyes without looking up. "Damn the girl really has got attitude, she'll go far."
The door opened behind her, "further than you," Clara replied before turning round and walking into the office, slightly proud of her comment.
"Everything okay there?" Paula questioned and Clara simply nodded. "Alright, well have a seat. You've met Graham and Verity before right?" she nodded again.
"Can we get to the important part? I'm already uncomfortable," she held her hands together and felt them going a little sweaty.
Paula sat down beside her and put a hand on her shoulder while Verity started talking. "We've had a little difficulty trying to find a placement for you. Unfortunately all the carers are already taken up so we've had to look at care homes instead. As you'll only be there for a limited amount of time it does make sense in your situation. We do appreciate how difficult this will be for you in your situation but we will support you all the while." Clara didn't quite know how to respond. "I've got some information here on the home - the layout, pictures of the house and your room as well as details about how their day works. I'm going to leave that with you for today and I will be back tomorrow to talk you through it more. Is that okay?"
"Yeah, I guess," she shrugged, staring at the pile of paper she'd just been given. "Thanks." The social workers stood up and left, leaving Clara still in the office with Paula, flicking through the pages. "This is so far away from my home, how am I meant to see Gran at Christmas?"
Paula sat back down from where she'd seen them out. "I know, but it's the only place they could find love. I'm sorry it's not ideal, it's just such a difficult situation."
"You mean nobody wants a teenage girl who runs away and has seizures at difficult moments," she rolled her eyes. "I'm not stupid, I understand the code."
"I wish I could say that wasn't a factor, but I'm afraid it does limit the places they can give you. There is something else I need to tell you and I'm not happy about it, but this is where Jackie lives," Paula sighed, definitely not impressed.
Clara froze, she would be stuck in a house with a bunch of strangers and the girl who hated her most in the world. How could this get any worse? "Right. Fine." She finally got the words out and then stood up. "I need to go, Danny and I have project work to do. Especially given we won't be able to do anything over the holiday now."
"Clara make sure you read that before tomorrow afternoon," Paula told her, "and if you need anything at all you find me."
"Yeah, sure," she replied and walked out to the library still in a bit of a daze. Danny was waiting in the corner and rushed over. On a quick glance round Clara realised they were the only two in there. "They're sending me to Jackie's home."
"Why? Why would they send you to such a big place? I mean, it's a small house but it doesn't make sense," he put an arm around her and led her to the table, sitting down.
"They tried, but I'm… well, I'm complicated. It's the best they could do," she sighed and put the pile of information on the table. "I mean they're trying, they've given me all this, but Jackie… they weren't to know, I think Paula told them but it's too late now. It's 3 days."
Danny shook his head and pulled her close, kissing her head. "I'm sorry, but it is only a week and you'll be back. You can call me anytime you know that."
"We're gonna get so behind on the project, guess we were kinda relying on half term," she sighed.
"I guess we will have to spend a bit of time together in the next couple of days then eh?" he kissed her head softly. "You want to get on with some now?"
"You know me well," she smiled a little weakly and turned around to start working, taking her mind off the moment she was dreading.
#-#-#-#
Paula took her to the home. Clara didn't speak the whole way, she couldn't. Jackie had already left with her support worker but thankfully they hadn't made them travel together. "Here we are," Paula parked up outside. "I know this isn't easy, but I'll come and take you to see your Dad on Wednesday and if anything changes we'll get you there. We're all here to support you."
"Yeah," Clara replied and got out of the car, grabbing her bag from the back. Paula led her to the door and they were met by one of the care workers.
"You must be Clara, come on in," she smiled politely - she had a kind smile. Clara smiled back, still not really able to talk for fear of what might come out. Her phone vibrated in her pocket and she pulled it out.
If she says anything just ignore her, she's only jealous of how wonderful you are xx
Clara suppressed a further smile at the text, but it did make her feel a little better as she slipped her phone back away and followed the care worker (who was apparently called Hannah) further into the house and Paula left. She was guided up to her room. "This is your space and will be for as long as you need it. There's a noticeboard there if you want to put any pictures up and if you have any posters we can fix them up too. Do you want me to leave you to get your bearings?"
"Yeah, thanks," Clara put her bag down and sat on the bed, looking around. Given she expected to spend most of the next week in this room it wasn't too bad. Hannah left, leaving the door a little open.
She spent a few minutes unpacking and trying to make the space feel a little more her own before deciding that while things seemed fairly quiet she would take a little look around. Having already memorized the layout it didn't take her long to get around the house and down to what was labelled as the common room. This is where any form of content disappeared.
"Well well the rumours are true. Look what the cat dragged in!" Jackie familiar voice grew nearer as she stood up and walked towards her. Clara tried to ignore her, walking towards the window. "You know I didn't quite believe it when they said your name, course they didn't say your full name but the description was pretty obvious - not many weirdos like you about."
"Jackie maybe we should leave her, you heard what Hannah said," one of the other girls who looked a little older suggested.
"She doesn't know anything. It's all an act, just feeling sorry for herself. What did Daddy get bored of you as well?" Jackie smirked.
Clara felt the anger building inside her, it was new and she didn't quite know what was going to happen next. She spun round to face her, "You're right. Hannah doesn't know anything, and neither do you. Think you're a big shot popular girl but is that the best you've got? Leave my family out of this!" she screamed and before she knew it her hand had come up and slapped Jackie hard across the face - just as Hannah walked in.
"She just went crazy!" Jackie held her face even though Clara knew it couldn't have been that hard.
"With me Clara," Hannah put a hand on Clara's back to guide her but in her agitated state she jumped away.
"Don't touch me!" she looked at Hannah and then at everyone else staring at her before running out. She considered the main exit but thankfully her brain stopped her from making such a ridiculous decision and instead ran up to her room, slamming the door and curling up on the bed. She grabbed her phone and quickly dialled Danny's number.
"Hey, you settled in?" he asked, but quickly picked up on her breathing pattern. "Hey deep breaths, slowly, calm down. What's happened?"
"I screwed up. She made me angry, bought up my parents. I didn't mean to but I just lost it. I hit her and the care worker came in and-" there was a knock on her door. She froze.
"Clara? Listen you're going to be fine. Just talk to them and explain, calm yourself now," Danny talked to her.
"Clara I need you to open the door now," Hannah's voice came through.
"Go, you'll only get in more trouble. Call me later okay?" he hung up and Clara slipped her phone away again, standing up and going to the door. She opened it but ran back to her bed for fear of Hannah getting too close again.
Hannah stepped into her room but she didn't move any further. "I'm sorry, your teacher did warn me about touching you."
"You make it sound like I'm an animal," Clara mumbled, sitting on the bed with her knees curled up and clutching her necklace which Danny had bought her on their holiday. It was just a souvenir but right now it felt like all she had.
"You can't go around hitting people for no reason," Hannah dodged her comment.
"I don't." Clara replied, "I don't go around hitting just anyone and definitely not for no reason."
"That's not what it looks like from here," she responded and Clara resisted the urge to roll her eyes.
"Course it isn't. You've known Jackie for years and I'm sure you think she's perfect. I on the other hand have been here all of 5 minutes and all you've seen of me is a girl that won't talk to you and then hits your favourite kid. I don't blame you, I'd probably be the same," Clara shrugged. "Thing is you have my file, I guess you've read it - all good care workers would after all. You know why I wouldn't talk to you and you know I wouldn't just go around hitting anyone."
"Your past doesn't excuse you in this house," Jackie spoke - she was stood out in the corridor. Clara clenched her fists but didn't move, refusing to look up.
"Not now Jackie, make sure you put ice on your cheek and I'll come and see you in a bit," Hannah told her, shutting the door and turning back to Clara.
"I hate that she knows, I hate that anyone knows, but I really hate that she knows," she sighed.
"That's not really an excuse."
"She uses it against me! You haven't even asked why, you haven't asked why I did it. I've spent weeks, months having to put up with her silently but then it's easy to avoid in school. Here she's going to be everywhere I go, I can't get away from it and she'll take advantage of that. She hates me," Clara explained, she could feel herself shaking.
"Are you sure about this? I can't say I've ever known Jackie to hate anyone," Hannah questioned.
"Maybe you don't know little Jackie as well as you think," Clara sighed. "Just do whatever you're going to do, I can't argue anymore."
"No, we need to talk about this Clara," Hannah told her.
"Trust me, you don't want to continue this conversation," Clara replied, lying down when she felt her head go a little dizzy.
"Well I need you to come and apologise to Jackie," she spoke firmly.
"I can't," Clara replied, a little weaker now.
"You most certainly can and you most certainly will. Come on Clara don't make this difficult, you're only here for a week!"
"No, I really ca-" she didn't make it to the end of the sentence.