Hey everyone! Back it again! Had a rough patch there and everything I wrote was absolute rubbish. My negativity was leaking into Riley something wicked. I deleted a lot and edited everything else. Should be on track now! As always, thanks for all the love :)
Happy watched Tig run out of the clubhouse looking flustered. At the same time, Riley and Chibs walked out of the office.
"Aww come on!" Tig exclaimed.
"Are you really that much of a bitch, Tig?"
"I wanted to know what was said!"
"Just ask Riley later. You know she will tell you."
"It's not the same" Tig whined.
Happy shook his head and finished his cigarette. He'd never admit it but he wanted to know what was said too. There wasn't any yelling and that almost made him more curious. He watched Riley and Chibs walk towards the van but neither of their faces were giving anything away.
"Looks like you might have been replaced, brother."
Happy looked at Tig and felt nothing but rage. It wasn't any of his business to begin with.
"What the fuck do you mean, Trager."
"I mean her proposal. She might be pulling it for Chibs now."
"That's between me and her, Tig."
"I'm just saying, I would be asking her what is going on."
"Shut the fuck up, Tig. Or meet in the fucking ring."
"I'm way too old to be fighting you, Hap."
"Then shut your fucking mouth."
Happy got up and walked into the clubhouse as Riley and Chibs got in the van. He pushed the doors open violently and head straight for the bar. Tig had no fucking right to start shit.
And he had no fucking right to be mad.
This marriage was just a technicality. It didn't mean shit except for an excuse to make Riley's father shut up. It was a piece of paper to keep the IRA and Mayans at bay. The ceremony was just to make everyone else happy.
He was RIleys friend and nothing more.
Why did that piss him off so much?
Happy shook his head and took a drink off the bar and downed it. None of this mattered. What mattered was doing right by the club and those around him. His feelings didn't matter.
Chibs sat down in the room after getting his xrays done. Riley had taken him and stayed with him with a promise to talk to him once the xrays were done and his hand was taken care of. He looked at her and saw that she was still exhausted. She was smiling softly at him but that smile still didn't meet her eyes.
"It shouldn't take long for the results to come back but I know you at least broke two bones."
"Aye. Tech thought the same thing."
"I guess you shouldn't punch cars anymore then."
"Aye. You're right."
Chibs figured he could cut the tension with a knife. He wanted so badly to beg her to take him back but he knew Riley well enough that him begging wouldn't help. He was distracted by his phone vibrating to see that it was Althea calling again. He groaned.
"You groaning at your hand or whoever is calling you?"
"Both I guess."
"I'm not going to stop you from being with her."
Chibs looked at to see a neutral look on Rileys face. She didn't look happy at her statement but she didn't seem to be lying either.
"Club comes first. You're part of the club."
"You've already put her first, Chibs. May as well go all in with it."
"I don't want her."
"But you did."
"No. I was stupid."
"Point is you still wanted her. You put her above the club and above our relationship. In one action you moved forward with someone who tried to have both a club member and the woman you claimed to have loved above all."
"That isn't what I did."
"Okay maybe you didn't mean to but that is what you did. She tried to have me killed."
"She was jealous."
"So I should kill her because of my jealousy? I should rip the club apart and do something that could hurt the reaper just because I'm upset?"
"No."
"Then why was it okay for you to do it? Not even talking about us. Let's talk about the club. You're supposed to be the president. You're supposed to lead us. You put one of your members, if not all, in jeopardy to get your dick wet."
The conversation was not going where Chibs wanted it to and he tried to figure out how to change the direction. He knew he had fucked up. He knew just how bad things were but he didn't expect Riley to care more about the club than her heart.
"Staring at me without saying anything isn't going to change a damn thing."
"How can you be more concerned about the club than you? I betrayed you most of all."
Riley sighed and shook her head.
"You don't even know me. I was a soldier for longer than I was anything else. My life never mattered. My troops lives mattered. I risked my life to save everyone else every moment I was over there. They always mattered more than me. The club is no different. I care about those men more than I care about myself. I care about the idea, the premise and the history that the club has as well. It will always, and I mean ALWAYS, mean more than my heart does. I will die for this club someday, just like I was supposed to die for my country."
"Don't talk like that, Riley."
"I speak the truth. That's the only way I can go out. Fighting for something I believe in and love more than myself. I love my country. I loved that uniform. I love this one too." She said as she patted her cut. "I would die for anyone around me and I will never do anything to put them in harm's way."
"I hate ye talking like that."
"You just don't like the truth."
"Aye. I guess I don't."
"The club will move past this. I think the guys have already forgiven you."
"Aye, everyone but Happy."
"He might take some time."
"What about us?"
"Us? There is no us. You're my president and I'm a patched member. Someday I'll be your friend. I'll be able to listen to you as we joke and laugh about our day and our relationships. I'll smile when I see you happy and wish you the best."
"What are we today?
"Today? Today I'm the woman who is telling you I'll never be more than that with you again. In a few days I'll be the one walking down the aisle to marry someone that isn't you."
"Aye. I guess you're right."
"I can't promise you when everything will be okay then. All I can promise you is that I will do everything I can to protect the club and get to a place where I'm comfortable with being your friend again."
"That's all I can really ask for, lass."
"I love you Filip, this just can't be what you want it to be anymore."
Riley smiled a soft sad smile and gently pat Chibs on his unbroken hand. She stood up as the doctor walked in and nodded before she walked out. Chibs didn't even pay attention as the doctor explained what was wrong and started to wrap his hand. His mind was racing with the last words Riley said to him.
"I love you Filip, this just can't be what you want it to be anymore."
Riley sat in the van and waited for Chibs to come out. Telling him all of that hurt quite a bit. She meant every word though.
She had hoped that she would forgive him. She wanted to be able to run back into his arms. She wanted more than anything to curl up in his arms and wake up to the sun shining on their faces.
She just couldn't do it thought.
She closed her eyes and let her mind wander to better days. Days when she would wake up to Chibs smiling at her. Days when they would ride together to the beach and spend the day smiling and laughing. Even the days when he was there for her after Sarah were better than this. This day had no hope. This day had no love.
She had meant what she said when she would die for the club someday. She knew it was soon as she became a member. She had accepted that she had found a group with the mentality and structure of an army. She had been so lost and they showed her she belonged somewhere. She had always assumed she would be dying with love and adoration for her president. She felt empty now that was ripped away from her.
She jumped when she heard the door open and she instantly put her hand on her pistol.
"Oi! Calm down. Just an old man."
"Yeah an old man with a body count."
"Aye. Not one that compares to yours though lass."
Riley smiled at him knowing he was right. She started up the van and wiped her eyes. She was incredibly tired from running around all day.
"You choosin Hap was a smart choice."
"I know."
"For more than just the club. He will always look out for ya."
"Just as I'll always look out for him."
"Got all the wedding shite figured out?"
"Yeah. I think."
"You can talk to me about it."
"I know. Just not a whole lot to talk about. It's happening. I have my dress. I have my appointment for my hair. We have the venue. We all just need to be there."
"Sure you shouldn't be a wedding planner?"
Riley laughed out loudly and shook her head. She hated weddings. She hated the idea of a piece of paper telling her what to do. She hated the whole idea. The only thing making it better for her was the groom. She knew he didn't expect much out of her.
Riley pulled up to Happys house. She laughed when she realized it was also her house too. Or at least it would be soon. There was a moving truck in the driveway and she could see the prospects unloading boxes. She dismounted her bike and walked towards the front door. She spotted Happy standing in the doorway glaring at the prospects.
"What'd they do to piss you off?"
"They were an hour late and they keep dropping shit."
"Probably drop shit cause you're scaring them."
Riley watched Happy smile and walk into the house. She followed him in and saw that he had started unpacking some boxes. She looked around and noticed some of her stuff scattered around the house too. She walked down the hallway and saw picture frames on the wall. They were all perfectly placed with what looked like measured distances. She stopped dead when she saw a picture of her and Sarah together.
She remembered the day the picture was taken. Riley had just gotten back from a ride and Sarah was waiting for her with a smile. Seeing the soft smile across her own face brought tears to her eyes. She could almost feel the love between the two just by looking at the picture.
"She's part of your life, Ri. Nothing is gonna change that."
Riley turned and hugged Happy before she even knew what she was doing. She felt him tense under the hug but before she could pull away he wrapped his arms around her and relaxed.
"Just because we aren't technically together doesn't mean I don't give a shit Ri."
"I know. I'm just being a weak ass bitch right now. Just spent hours with Chibs."
"How did that go?"
"He still had hope we would end up back together."
"Had?"
"Yeah. I can't do it. I don't even see the same person when I look at him, Hap. I had all this love and adoration for him and it all just disappeared as soon as I found out what he did. He's still my president and I'd protect him to the death. I just don't love him like he wants me to."
"He can't blame you for that."
"I don't think he does. I just know he isn't happy."
"Neither are you."
Riley looked at him surprised that he could tell. She had been trying so hard to hide it from everyone, him included.
"You can't hide much from me, girl."
"I guess not."
"That's how I also know you didn't stop loving him, Ri. You just won't deal with any bullshit."
Riley sighed and sat down on the couch. She was surprised by how comfortable it was and realized that Happy had smirked at her surprise. She ran her fingers through her hair as she leaned back against the corner. Happy sat down next to her.
"I obviously can't just forget about everything we've been through. We spent so much time just dancing around each other. Neither one of us seemed able to make the move."
"Drove everyone nuts around you."
"Everything was good. Everything was a dream."
"I know it was, Ri."
"What did I do wrong?"
Riley looked up at Happy with tears in her eyes. She had asked herself the question a thousand times since everything happened. That was the first time she ever vocalized it and it tore her heart to pieces.
"Ri, you didn't do a damn thing wrong."
"If I had just caved and done what he wanted.."
"Then you would be even more miserable for the rest of your life. Riley you didn't want to get married."
"I still have to get married though."
"To someone who has zero expectations of you. This is nothing like you would have been caught in if you had just caved and agreed to marry him."
"I guess."
"Talk to me."
"I just.. Happy I feel so damn lost. I feel like my whole future has been ripped away from me and now I have absolutely no idea what is going on. I loved him with all of my heart. I loved him so god damn much."
"And that is okay, but you need to talk about it."
"There isn't much left to say. I loved him. He got a taste of hardship and ran into the arms of someone who tried to kill me."
"Ri, are you going to be able to trust him again?"
Riley looked down as she played with her hands. She had said a thousand times that she would forgive him some day. She had even told him some day she would be his friend again.
"I don't know. I don't know if I can look him in the eyes and listen to a damn thing he says. I don't know if I can believe in him anymore."
"You know that is a really big thing you need to figure out, right? If you can't trust your president, you can't trust your club."
"I know."
Riley put her head down and sighed. She felt Happy pulled her close to him and wrap his arms around her. She finally let loose and allowed the tears to flow. She hated that she felt weak but Happy had always known what she needed and right then she needed to cry.