Chapter Twenty One: Hello Baby

Tenchi had no idea what to do with himself now.

He sat by the lake, skipping flat stones over the serene walking and thinking to himself. There wasn't a lot to think about.

He'd slept with Kiyone, and with Zero. It hadn't been like with Ryoko where they had established a relationship. This had been pure lust, spur of the moment, at least on his part. It had been fun, of course, but now he felt guilty about it. On some level, he realized he was the luckiest guy in the world. Or at least that was how his colleagues in high school would see it.

He felt overwhelmed.

And cue Ryoko surging down to glomp him from behind. 'Hey handsome, next time mind if I join in?'

'Ryoko,' said Tenchi, 'knock it off.'

'What?' she said, settling down next to him. 'What's with the somber face? The whole thing worked out.'

'Yeah,' said Tenchi, 'I know.' He threw another stone. 'You ever learn to skip stones Ryoko?'

'No,' she said, 'I mean Kagato never gave me time off. And after that, I spent more time robbing banks and stuff. Hey, how about we go rob a few together? Nobody could stop us with that nifty Light Hawk Wing thing you have.'

'Ryoko,' said Tenchi, 'you do know that would alienate everyone else in this house right?'

'Let them be alienated, I don't care about them.' said Ryoko.

Tenchi looked at her and wondered if she was serious. He decided that she did care at least a little about the others. Kiyone in particular, and Ayeka too. 'Yeah, I guess. Listen, I think we should slow this whole thing down.'

Ryoko looked up. 'What do you mean?'

'Okay,' said Tenchi, 'when a man and a woman love each other very much, sooner or later babies are the result. Neither of us have the time or emotional maturity for that. Hell, I'm not even out of high school. If I hadn't gotten an excused absence for disappearing for six months. If I hadn't, I could have been held back a grade, or worse, expelled.'

'Fine, we can use those condom thingys you have on earth.' said Ryoko.

'It isn't just that Ryoko.' said Tenchi. 'I just… I don't want my relationship with you and the others to be only about sex. Besides, Ayeka is starting to notice.'

'So get her involved.' said Ryoko.

'Absolutely not.' said Tenchi.

'Why not? She needs to loosen up anyway.' said Ryoko.

'Okay, that sounds very sexy, but she's a Princess.' said Tenchi.

'So what?' asked Ryoko. 'Does that make her too good for you? You're a Prince.'

'It has nothing to do with who is good enough for anyone.' said Tenchi. 'How do I put this? Okay, for a long time on earth there was a sexual double standard for men and woman.'

'I have no idea what that means.' said Ryoko.

'It means woman and men weren't treated the same when it came to sex.' said Tenchi. 'If a man slept with a mistress while married to one woman, it was acceptable behavior. If a woman did it she was a harlot.'

'That's not fair.' said Ryoko.

'Of course, it wasn't.' said Tenchi. 'But there was a reason for it. See, women had the children. If a man slept with another woman and she gave birth, then he could just label those children illegitimate. But if a woman slept with another man and the man she was married to and had a child, whose was it?

'They didn't have DNA testing back then.

'Because of this if a woman slept with another man even once it brought every one of her children's heritage into question.

'That's why Odysseus can sleep with Circe and Calypso. While Penelope isn't allowed to consort with the suitors. Are you with me so far?'

'I think so.' said Ryoko 'But I still don't see why you can't sleep with Ayeka.'

'Because I'm not married to her!' said Tenchi 'I mean, maybe someday, things seem to be going that way but maybe we won't. Maybe we'll learn we can't stand each other. Maybe Jurai gets into a diplomatic crisis. Maybe they need to resolve it by marrying Ayeka to a foreign Prince.

If I take advantage of her now it could ruin her life and a lot of other peoples lives later.'

'Right, okay.' said Ryoko, looking troubled. 'So um, two questions. Who is Odysseus?'

'Oh, ancient greek hero.' said Tenchi 'Real cunning badass. Burned down Troy you know. I'll get you the book.' He paused. 'What's the other question?'

'I um…' Ryoko paused, 'why is it that when a man and a woman love each other very much it results in babies?'

Tenchi marveled at her ability to be quite so ignorant. He decided he did not want to have this conversation right now. Or ever. 'Tell you what, how about you go to Washu and ask her. She's the scientist who knows everything. I'm sure she'd love to explain it to you.'

Then he stood up.

'Hey, where are you going?' asked Ryoko.

'To find my copy of the Illiad.' called back Tenchi.

'But I don't want to ask Washu about that!' said Ryoko.

'Then you'll have to live in ignorance.' said Tenchi.

Ayeka was sewing that morning, watching Tenchi speaking with Ryoko. She tried to control the sense of jealousy which was in her heart. Tenchi had lain with both Ryoko and Kiyone earlier. Of course, there was nothing on Jurai which said a Prince could not take more than one spouse. But more and more Ayeka became afraid that she would lose Tenchi.

That she would become just another woman. They had hardly spoken in so long. Then there was a ringing noise, and she looked up to see the telephone ringing. She approached and picked it up. 'Hello, Masaki residence.'

She heard a voice on the other end. 'Oh hello, Tenchi's Aunt.' She had never heard her right name. 'Thank you for being so kind to Sasami. Oh and that dish you taught her to cook the other day… Yes, we all enjoyed it very much it was delicious. I see where Tenchi learned to cook.

What? I see. Yes, I'm on my way now.' She hung up and rushed out.

The skies were blue above but soon darkened to violet as the day wore on. Then they became red. Tenchi swept the shrine, trying to clear his mind of everything which had happened lately. Things had gotten so crazy, and he hadn't had a chance to decompress at all.

Looking up he saw Ayeka, Sasami, and his other aunt coming toward them. 'Oh, welcome back.'

'Tenchi,' said Ayeka as Tenchi moved to meet them.

Sasami hid behind Ayeka as he approached. He wondered why. Well, technically speaking she and Kiyone were kind of sort of the same person. Which made the situation awkward.

'Thanks for taking the trouble, Auntie, of bringing Sasami home.' He looked to Sasami. 'How is the kid?'

'He's nice.' said Sasami, before racing off.

Auntie handed Tenchi a box and he looked at it. 'What is this?'

'Something to celebrate the babies birth.' said his Aunt.

'Right, okay.' said Tenchi as she walked off. 'Why do I get the feeling that isn't the whole story?'

He got his answer the next day when the doorbell began to ring. Coming to answer it he opened the door and looked through. His aunt was on the other side. 'Oh hello what are you-'

And then a child was pressed into his hands.

'Hi, here are the diapers and the formula and the toys.'

'You do know formula is bad for children don't you?' asked Tenchi.

'Thanks,' said the aunt 'you see, his mother just became ill all of a sudden. I knew you wouldn't mind taking care of the baby.'

'Thank you for consulting us first.' said Tenchi.

'Anyway it'll be just for a few days, you'll be fine. And with so many girls around the house? Nothing to worry.'

'You don't know the girls very well, do you?' said Tenchi.

He looked at the child who was smiling. He'd never understood why people liked babies so much. Not much for conversation, and incapable of doing anything for themselves.

'Surely you could do this yourself-' he began.

'Bye bye!' said his aunt, now halfway into the distance.

'Fine!' said Tenchi. 'Leave the work to us!'

Kiyone and Zero approached then, looking curious. The blue haired woman flipped her hair behind one head in what was meant and was a seductive look. Did they know they tended to move in unison when near each other? 'What was all that about?'

'Yeah handsome,' said Zero 'anything interesting.'

'Knock it off!' said Kiyone.

'Yeah I gotta agree with Kiyone it doesn't suit you right now.' said Tenchi, turning around. 'My Aunt has foisted a child I do not know off on us and-'

It was amazing how quickly both Kiyone's managed to get to the nearby pier while waving. 'Well we have important duties elsewhere, I'm sure you can handle this on your own! We'd better get back to patrolling the cosmos against evil criminals.'

'Yeah,' said Zero 'we also don't want anything to do with this job. I mean we pull our weight more than anyone else here, so it's our turn for a break. See you when we get back!'

'Aren't you going to bring Mihoshi?' asked Tenchi.

'Oh look at the time, guess we'd better head off without her.' said Kiyone.

'No!' said Zero at the same time.

And they were teleported up into their ship far above. Tenchi watched them go. 'You know, they work harder than anyone else here, so I'm just going to give them this.'

The baby looked up at Ayeka, Ryoko, and Mihoshi while smiling. An annoying thing wasn't it. Mihoshi was staring down at the baby. Ryoko was looking away.

'So to make a long story short,' said Tenchi, 'my aunt, not you Ayeka, is forcing us to take care of a baby we do not know or care about. Since this is family we're obligated to do so. And by 'we' I mean 'Ayeka and I.'

'What is that supposed to mean?' asked Ryoko.

'Ryoko I like you, and no offense meant, but you are absolutely insane.' said Tenchi 'You fly off the handle and start throwing laser blasts around at the drop of a hat. Remember how we met?'

'Well if the shoe fits.' said Ayeka with satisfaction.

'He's so cute.' giggled Mihoshi, putting forward a finger to poke the baby's cheek. 'There, there…'

The baby grabbed it and made a number of gurgling noises in its throat. Mihoshi laughed further. 'Too adorable.'

'Mihoshi,' said Tenchi, 'step away from the child.'

'But I don't fly off the handle Tenchi.' said Mihoshi.

'You're right,' said Tenchi, 'you just bungle everything when someone isn't there to hold your hand. And that someone has just zoomed across the stars rather than help.'

'I thought Kiyone left a little early this morning.' mused Ayeka.

'Now hang on a second!' said Ryoko. 'Ayeka throws around laser blasts just as much as I do! Hell, she's the one who starts most of the fights! Why can she care for a baby and I can't!'

'Please!' said Mihoshi, grabbing onto Tenchi's knee. 'Please don't leave me out!'

'As you wish,' said Tenchi, 'but I want you to promise that you will not unleash any supernatural powers on each other. This isn't the time.'

'Fine.' said Ryoko, 'We won't.'

'That is quite right.' said Ayeka. 'We will behave ourselves with utmost restraint.'

'Pleaaaaase…' said Mihoshi.

'Fine Mihoshi,' said Tenchi, 'you can help. But you have to be careful, and don't drop him.'

'Yes Tenchi.' said Mihoshi, standing up tall and saluting. 'You can count on me.'

'I know I can.' said Tenchi. 'Well, I'll leave you to it.'

And he turned to walk away.

'Tenchi…' said Ayeka in an accusing voice. 'Where are you going?'

'Oh me?' laughed Tenchi. 'I was just going to ditch you guys and let you handle this situation while I go take a walk in the woods.'

'And how will you justify this to your conscience?' asked Ayeka.

'Hmm, you know what. You're right.' said Tenchi. 'I need moral guidance on this issue, and who better to give it to me than the great warrior Yosho?'

'Tenchi,' said Ayeka, 'he is your Aunt's grandson, you really should take some responsibility.'

'Wait he is?' asked Tenchi. 'I mean I assumed we were related somehow, but… how did you know this?'

'I erm…' Ayeka paused, 'may have agreed to look after her.'

'Ah,' said Tenchi, 'so let me see if I have this quite clear. You volunteered the entire household to take care of a child. This household where laser blasts are exchanged on a daily basis. And you didn't consult any of us on it ahead of time.'

'It didn't seem polite to refuse.' said Ayeka.

'…Fine,' said Tenchi, 'I'll help you out. But I do this under protest.'

'Yeah, you two have fun with that.' said Ryoko. 'I've got better things to do.'

And she surged off through the walls.

Tenchi sighed. 'I really hate this job. Well, let's get to work.'

Ryoko came to a halt on a branch overlooking the shrine. Really, who wanted to spend twenty to thirty minutes taking care of a baby? That was the last concept for spending her time Ryoko would be interested in. Even if she remained in ignorance as to how they were made. She supposed she ought to talk to Washu about it. Tenchi seemed insistent on that, but she wasn't that interested.

Really Kiyone had had the right idea. Skipping this particular episode was probably for the best.

'Hello there,' said Yosho from below. 'mind if I join you?'

'Sure, I don't mind.' said Ryoko, looking out over the beautiful landscape which surrounded her. 'It's funny when I first got here I didn't think the trees were anything special. But they grew on me.'

'That's funny,' said Yosho 'it was the opposite with me and Haruna. We loved this world from the first moment we saw it, and only as years went by were we less able to appreciate what we had. Still, sometimes I long for my homeworld of Jurai.'

Ryoko looked down. 'Then why won't you go back? Everyone wants you to.'

'Yes, it would be easy.' said Yosho. 'But you see, old age is part of who you are. Life is about growing, and we Juraians have lost that. We live and live and live, eternally young, and so are slow to learn great lessons.

'In this aging body, I have gained much knowledge. I have become something greater than my younger self could ever dream of. Sometimes I wonder if to return to the days of my youth might be a… regression of sorts. I do not want that.'

'Well that's one heck of a boring way to look at it.' said Ryoko. 'Me, I'm young, strong and beautiful and I want to stay this way forever. Getting old is for other people, me, I'm too good for all that.'

'I used to think that way as well.' mused Yosho. 'Though not in those words. Kagato did too.'

'Are you saying I'm like Kagato?' asked Ryoko, feeling angry at the implication.

'No, of course not. Not like what he became anyway.' said Yosho 'He was of a noble lineage, second only to the House of Jurai itself. In other circumstances, he might have married into the family. He might and become Emperor, but he never truly desired that.

'I am not sure what he desired. He had a hunger to learn but did not love learning. A thirst for power, yet no appreciation for what he had. He was forever discontent and always striving to be greater. It was only in the seeking that he found any pleasure.'

'I know what kinds of things he found pleasure.' said Ryoko 'It wasn't seeking. People were just bugs under glass to him. Whole worlds laid to waste. Fleets destroyed on a whim. Maybe he was different once, but the Kagato I know was a freaking psycho.'

'Yes,' said Yosho 'I suppose he was. I know it is foolish, but sometimes I wonder what might have been, had he not fallen to madness. Perhaps we all might have met in a different life. There is such a thing as destiny.'

'Maybe,' said Ryoko 'I don't know.'

They looked out over the landscape for some hours. When they had finished, Yosho invited her for tea. Oddly enough Ryoko found herself accepting. The tea was decent, she guessed, not sweet like saki and with none of the buzz. But she could see why Yosho liked it.

Meanwhile, Azaka and Kamidaki were standing to attention. Between them were lines with clothes hanging from them in the sun.

'The spring mist is in the air.' said Kamidaki.

'What is it that we're doing exactly?' asked Azaka.

'Exactly what you think we're doing.' said Kamidaki.

Authors Note:

Okay, so I was writing the opening to this chapter before I considered which episode I'd do. I realized that having an episode where Tenchi takes care of a baby would be thematically appropriate. Then I realized that this episode really, really, sucked.

Just the concept was awful. So I figured I'd just not show the scenes with the baby and focus on Ryoko blowing the whole thing off. Then going to hang out with Yosho.

Problem solved.

Unfortunately, it's a two-parter in this fic. Sorry about this, I don't like my chapters getting more than four thousand words long.