A/N: Thank you to everyone for the reviews! I really appreciate it! Here is the next chapter. I would like to dedicate it to Bellabun, she not only helped me with this chapter but is a fantastic and loyal reviewer that makes me smile with her comments!
I would like to recommend a song to listen to while reading this chapter. It's called You by Fisher and it was the song playing when Sully sailed away at the end of Boneless Bride in the River. The lyrics reminded me a lot of Brennan and Chris. Anyway, I hope you enjoy the chapter!
Chapter Twenty One
She was restless, unable to sleep, her mind unable to stop processing all of the thoughts and ideas that were flowing through her head. She turned and looked at the clock. 11:30 pm. She had been in bed for six hours. 'I guess sleep is out of the question.' She thought to herself.
Pulling the covers back, she got out of bed and trudged out of her bedroom. She headed to the kitchen to make herself a cup of tea but found herself stopped in her living room, her eyes drawn to the open photo album on the table. She moved towards it and sat on the couch, pulling the album into her hands. She flipped to the first page and stared down at the picture of a sleeping Chris. She had tufts of dark black hair sticking up everywhere. She was tiny, so small that she looked like she could break into a million pieces.
Flipping to the next picture, she saw a smiling Booth holding Chris in his arms. There was one of Chris in a mini lab jacket, and several of her with Hodgins and Zach, each holding her as if she was made of glass. There were plenty of Chris and Angela. Angela holding her, helping her bathe for the first time, rocking her in the rocking chair. She felt a twinge of pain at the thought of Angela getting to do all of those things with her daughter.
'Like the sunshine song.' She thought to herself.
That was the most painful, the time before he left, when Angela, Hodgins and Zach would leave the lab and she knew that they would be over there, seeing her. And she would be in the lab by herself.
She continued through the album, looking at pictures of Chris eating, sleeping and smiling.
She immediately reached for the next one and opened it up. Chris was older in this one and there were many shots of her crawling and walking.
She felt a pain in her chest as she saw pictures of Parker hugging Chris, helping her blow out the candles on Chris's birthday cake. She laughed softly as she saw Chris was covered in cake and looking quite proud of the fact.
She missed Parker. In the months when she and Booth were dating, she and Parker had formed a bond. He was inquisitive and bright, always asking questions.
She flipped the page and saw a picture of the three of them smiling. She felt as if her heart was being split into two and there was nothing she could do to stop it. She had missed this, all of this. She knew it was her fault but she thought she had been making the right decision.
Flipping through the album and then the next one and the next one, she saw Chris grow up in front of her eyes.
Looking down at a picture of Chris on her tricycle, she closed her eyes and pictured it. The sun shining brightly in the sky, a soft breeze in the air. Chris pedaling down the sidewalk with pigtails in her hair and bright blue streamers on her bike and a basket in front for her dolls of course. Booth following close behind her and Parker riding his bike in circles, waiting for them to catch up.
She wanted to be there too, walking beside Booth, his hand in hers, watching their daughter pedal furiously on her bike.
There was a splat as a tear fell onto the picture and then another. She quickly flipped the page in order to find something less painful, but it didn't help. All of the pictures were mocking her, criticizing her decision.
She snapped the album shut and as she did, a picture fell out. It was a picture of Chris giving Parker a hug. Her hands were wrapped around his waist and you could tell she was squeezing him as hard as she could.
She stood up and went into her office, rifling through her drawers until she found what she was looking for. She brought it out to the living room, and sitting back on the couch, she held it up against the other picture.
It was a picture of her and Russ when she was little. They were at the beach and her mother had snapped their picture. She was hugging Russ, her arms around him in the exact same position as Chris's. They looked almost identical, her and Chris, both giving wide smiles for the camera.
She stared at both pictures, she wasn't sure for how long. Her hands began to tremble and tear after tear came down as she looked, really looked at what she had given up. She took a deep breath and tried to exhale but couldn't.
'Breathe.' She told herself.
She held the pictures tightly in her hand, trying to calm herself down. She looked into the eyes of her smiling daughter and a tear slipped down her cheek. She never wanted her but she loved her, she knew that much. She just didn't know what to do.
She reached over for the phone and dialled a number, hoping the person would pick up. She had burned this bridge too, and wouldn't be surprised if she was never spoken too again. She desperately wanted the easy conversation that used to exist between them to come back, she craved their old relationship. She needed help and hoped that it would be given.
The phone rang several times and then was picked up.
"Hello Angela?"
"Bren, what's wrong?" Angela said.
She wheezed. "I…"
"Are you okay?" Angela asked.
"Just come." She managed to get out. "Please."
"I'll be right there. Hold on sweetie." Angela said. She hung up the phone, ran out of the room and bumped straight into Jack.
"What's the rush?" he asked.
"I think Bren's having a panic attack." She replied hastily. "I have to go."
"Do you want me to come?" he said.
"No, I think she just needs to see me." She replied, giving him a quick kiss on the cheek. "I will be there if you need anything."
She ran out to the garage, grabbed one of the cars and drove off. She sped down the road towards Brennan's house. She knew she could get a speeding ticket but she didn't care. Brennan had sounded so scared and far away on the phone.
'It's a good thing I know an FBI agent.' She thought to herself as she peeled around a corner. 'Can they help with speeding tickets?'
She finally made it to the apartment and dashed upstairs. The front door was unlocked and as she entered the apartment she saw Brennan sitting on the couch, her knees drawn up to her chest. She was shaking from head to toe.
"Bren.." Angela said softly, moving towards her and sitting next to her on the couch. Angela looked at the table and saw the photo albums everywhere. "Oh god."
When she lifted her head, Angela saw that her eyes were red and puffy from crying.
"What happened?" Angela asked.
"Booth and I talked." She replied simply. "We…he…we are going to try to work things out."
"Okay." Angela said. She had figured as much when Booth had come to pick up Chris earlier. Although he looked exhausted, she could see something different in his eyes.
"He showed me some pictures of Chris to explain about what happened and then he left to pick up Chris and I started looking through the albums." She said, her voice trembling.
"I found this picture." She said, showing the picture of Parker and Chris to Angela. " And it reminded me of when Mom and Dad used to take Russ and I to the beach. See the picture of me and Russ?" She held out the picture to Angela.
"Wow, sweetie, they are almost alike." Angela said. "And you and Chris…"
"I know." She said. "Have…have you ever made a mistake so bad that you didn't know how to fix it?" Her eyes were brimming with tears.
"Oh sweetie." Angela said sadly. She put the pictures down and reached over and gave her a hug.
"Please." She pleaded. "Angela, I don't know how to fix this. I hurt her and Booth. What if I do it again?"
"Look at me." Angela said, pulling away from the hug. "You made a mistake Bren, you can't be perfect all of the time. It doesn't matter now. What matters now is that you don't make the same mistake again."
"I don't know how to be a mother." She replied. "How can I?"
"You do the best you can." Angela said firmly. "I have never seen you back down from a challenge once in all of the years that I have known you, you are not going to back down now are you?"
She nodded slightly.
"Plus you have Booth." Angela said. "He will be there right beside you, okay?"
"Okay." She said. She took several deep breaths and found herself calming down. She leaned back against the couch.
"Angela, it hurts. I missed all of this." She said, gesturing to the albums. "It hurts."
"I know." Angela said, leaning over and giving her another hug. "I wish I could make it go away for you."
"I'm sorry, Angela." She said, brushing a tear away. "For everything."
"It's okay." Angela replied. "That's what friends are for."