Chapter 21 - The Ex-Factor aka Jump

Lisa walked up to Murphy's secretary's desk. No one was there, so since she had some time to kill she decided she could wait a few minutes. She looked around at the people in the bullpen, trying to occupy her mind until someone, namely Murphy's secretary, whoever that was, noticed her standing there. She saw that waiting was going no where so she walked over to Murphy's open office door and took a peak inside. To her disappointment she saw no one. She made her way back to the secretary's desk and leaned up against it. After a few more minutes she looked down at her watch. Time was going by and soon she would have to leave. She turned around and noticed a notepad on the desk. She decided to leave a small note just saying hi to Murphy and thanking her again for her hospitality. As Lisa began to write, it became clearer to her with each word that writing this short note was going to be a difficult task. She didn't know what to say, so making it as short as possible seemed to make it easier. Lisa got the urge to sneeze as she was about to sign her name.

"Gazuntite."

"Thank you." Lisa stopped writing when she realized that the voice had come from behind the secretary's desk. "Hello? Is there someone there or am I going crazy?"

"The first one. Can I help you?"

"Yeah, uh, when is Ms. Brown going to be back?"

"I'm not sure."

"I don't mean to be rude, but I feel a little funny talking to an invisible person." Lisa looked over her shoulder to see if anyone was looking at her.

"I'm not invisible."

"Well, could you possibly make yourself visible?"

"No, I'm sorry."

Lisa decided that if this person wasn't going to come to her, she was going to go to him.

"Don't look under the desk!"

"Why?"

"Because if you put your earth eyes on me I'll disintegrate."

"Earth eyes? Disintegrate? What is this?" Lisa asked.

"I'm not supposed to be telling people about me, but you have a nice voice. I'm an alien."

"You mean someone from outside the US?"

"Yes and no. I'm not from the US, that's for sure. My name is Kolac. I'm from the planet Twilo, but right now I reside in Area 54. You didn't hear me say that if anyone asks."

"Kolac from the planet Twilo? I saw that episode. The Dick Van Dyke Show, right? Danny Thomas and the walnuts. Do you still have your thumbs?" Lisa sarcastically asked.

"I'm sorry but your earth language does not compute."

"Ahh...okay? Well then, do the proper authorities know you're out?"

"If you're talking about the government, we have a deal. They keep quiet and I let them visit the mother ship anytime they want."

"Those weren't the authorities I was talking about, but that answers my question. Um, Kolac, would it be a problem if I dropped off this note in Ms. Brown's office?"

"This is highly irregular, but proceed. Don't touch anything."

"All righty." Lisa made her way into Murphy's office. "Highly irregular? This coming from the Trekkie under the desk," she whispered to herself as she sat down at Murphy's desk to finish the note.

"I heard that!"

Just as she was about to sign her name, Murphy's phone rang and kept on ringing; in fact it rang four times and Jar Jar Binks out there still hadn't picked it up. "Hey, are you going to get that?" Lisa asked.

"That type of communication is forbidden. It's written in the bylaws."

Lisa rolled her eyes and out of a need for the ringing to stop, she picked up the phone herself. She only hoped it wasn't Avery. "Murphy Brown's office." The deep voice on the other end was definitely not Avery's. "I'm sorry, she's not in. May I take a message?" Lisa listened to the voice on the other end. "Hold please." She pushed the hold button on the phone. "Hey, Chewbacca, this is a very important call. Is there any other way Ms. Brown can be reached?"

"That information is confidential. And I do not find your comment amusing."

"I do." Lisa chuckled to herself and depressed the hold button. "I'm sorry, but...Oh, yes! This is great! Yes I'm writing it down!" Lisa started vigorously writing down everything the person on the phone said, word for word. She knew this was possibly the story of the year and was so engrossed in the conversation that she didn't even notice Murphy's presence in the room.

"Lisa? Lisa Kennedy? What are you..." Lisa held up her finger. "I just love how everyone comes to my office to use the phone. I know it's up to thirty five cents now, but jeez!"

"She just stepped in. Would you hold for just one more second? Thank you, sir." Lisa put the phone on hold again. "This is Roger Chaplin..."

"Wait, the Roger Chaplin who has been accused of espionage and is currently running from extradition. That Roger Chaplin?" Murphy's face glowed with excitement as she asked the question.

"Yes and he's ready to talk to you."

"I've been working on this story for a year!"

"I know."

"Wait, you know? How do you know?" Murphy inquired.

"The phone?" Lisa was as excited as Murphy. She knew what this story meant to her and to the future of journalism as they knew it.

"I'm a little nervous. Roger Chaplin, wow!"

"Murphy Brown, nervous? Nah, I don't believe it." Lisa depressed the hold button. "Mr. Chaplin? Thank you for holding. She'll be right with you." She handed Murphy the phone and let her have her seat. "You're going to be okay."

"I'm going to be okay, I'm going to be okay." Murphy put the phone up to her ear and took a deep breath. "Mr. Chaplin, this is Murphy Brown. I'm listening." Murphy's mouth made the shape of an 'o' as she heard what Mr. Chaplin had to say.

Lisa watched this. She was nervous. The reporter in her started pacing and then she remembered the notes she took and pointed to them on the desk. Murphy picked them up and began reading. "So what you're telling me, Mr. Chaplin, and I want to get this completely right, one of the smaller tasks you succeeded in was hacking into the government's database, making it completely useless for a week? Is that right, Mr. Chaplin?" Murphy shook her head, confirming the fact, and Lisa did a little dance.

"I knew that was him!"

Murphy put her finger up to her lips. "So why are you calling me?" Lisa stopped dancing and leaned over the desk, she didn't break eye contact with Murphy. "You're tired and want to give yourself up? But you want to talk to me first?" Lisa and Murphy were stunned. "Do you realize that if you're found guilty, Mr. Chaplin, espionage carries a possible sentence of life in prison?" After hearing the answer to that question, Murphy slowly hung up the phone and let out a sigh.

"The man responsible for the most calculated attack of cyber terrorism on American soil is ready to talk! This is the story of the decade, no the century!" Lisa stated the obvious.

"You know if this were the old days I would run over to the nearest bar, without saying a word to anyone I might add, and down about four double scotches in celebration." Murphy came out of the daydream and looked at Lisa. "I forgot to ask, what are you doing here? Oh, I know. Avery's on the eleventh floor."

"No, I don't think so. I came here to see you. See, here's my note. Or what used to be my note before that phone call."

Murphy tried to make out the note underneath. "Why don't you just tell me what it said?"

"It said 'hi and thank you for your hospitality.' That's all. By the way, do you know your secretary's crazy?"

"That's a given. It's part of the job description."

"Kolac, or whatever, yeah he's nuts, bonkers, a resident of the coo-coo's nest."

"Wait, he's still out there?"

"Out there will work too."

"No, I fired him." Murphy explained, her blood pressure now ticking upward.

"He's under the desk."

"The secretary's desk? This just beats all!"

"Yep, but you can't put your earth eyes on him. He'll disintegrate." Lisa quoted, with a smirk planted firmly on her face.

"Let's give it a shot," Murphy got up from her desk and stormed to the secretary's area. "Excuse me, what the hell are you still doing here? I fired you!"

"Fired me? I don't understand such words."

"Listen Mr. Kolac..."

"It's just Kolac."

"Like I care. Listen, you're fired, you're no longer employed here, get out! Do you understand now?!"

"That's a negative."

Murphy breathed heavily, like fire was very close to coming out of her nostrils. Lisa saw this and put her hand on Murphy's shoulders. "Breathe. In and out, in and out. Keep doing that, Ms. Brown. Nice cleansing breaths are what you need."

"Yo Kolac...can we talk?" Lisa asked.

"I'm processing. Make it fast."

"I'll process you!" Murphy angrily added. Lisa held her back.

"Ms. Brown, you just come in your office and sit down in your nice, soft chair." Lisa led her into her office and personally sat her down in her chair. "Now let me take care of this. I live in New York City and with a subway full of people like our friend Kolac out there, I think I can handle him."

"You're a very good person, Lisa. Has anyone ever told you that?"

Lisa smiled. "I'll be right back." Lisa made her exit again and within two minutes she returned, wiping her hands. "All done. You don't have to worry about him anymore."

"How did you...what I mean is...what did you..." Murphy tried to get the words out in the correct order.

"I just told him that when I was in the lobby I happened to notice a large metallic ship with a Twilo license plate waiting for someone. I merely suggested he go down and check it out and that loon bought it hook, line, and sinker. Some people need a lot of help, that's for sure."

"Thank you, Lisa." Murphy said, a rarity for sure.

"No sweat." Lisa smiled.

"Hey, I was thinking that since I need a new..."

Lisa glanced at her watch. "Oh gosh, I have to go! It was nice seeing you again, Ms. Brown." Lisa grabbed her purse and turned for the door.

"But I was just about to offer you a job."

Lisa stopped. "A what?" She turned and faced Murphy with a look of confusion on her face.

"A job. Working for me. I mean, you helped me so much with that Mexican Mob story, and now with the espionage story..."

"I only did those things because they felt right. I didn't expect anything in return."

"That's what I mean, Lisa. You have a natural gift for journalism and you seem to love it, am I right?" Murphy needed no more convincing that she was right.

"I do. I love it very much."

"You know I felt the same way as you when I was just starting out. I was excited to be in any facet of the business and I would do anything I could to be part of a newsroom, to feel that energy. So I'm offering you that opportunity. Would you please be my secretary?" Murphy laughed to herself. "I never thought I'd ask anyone that question. Always said I'd die first."

"I don't know, Ms. Brown. I have New York. I mean, I don't even live here." Lisa explained.

"You can stay with me. Honestly Lisa, I'm begging. I need someone like you to run interference for me, to keep things straight. And this would be an opportunity for you to be totally involved. I'll teach you anything you would ever want to know."

"I don't think I can stay with you."

"It's because of Avery, isn't it?"

Lisa's head shook in the affirmative. "I have spent so much of my time this last month getting over him. I just don't think I can face those demons yet."

"Fine, then I'll put you up somewhere." Murphy resolved.

"I couldn't let you do that, really. I have to get going now. My friends are waiting for me." Lisa turned again and grabbed the door knob.

"What's the real reason you came back Lisa?"

"It's not for the reason you think. It's not because of Avery. I am so over him." Lisa turned and looked at Murphy. "I'm sorry. I know he's your son."

"There's no need to apologize. He knows he messed up."

"I came to Washington because a friend of mine is closing a play not far from here and she wants me and a few other friends to help her move back to New York. So that's why I'm here, to see a play and to help my friend move back to New York. I wouldn't even have come here but I couldn't forget how you talked to me that night. I felt a need to tell you how much that meant to me." Lisa explained.

"He misses you, you know."

"I really don't want to talk about that, okay?"

"Fine, understood. But I still need a good secretary..."

"And about that, I know your rep with secretaries. It's legend. TV Guide gave you a jeers for going through twenty in one year."

"What does TV Guide know? They still call Frank, Fred Fontana."

Lisa bit her bottom lip. It was something she did only when she was making a serious decision. "What about personal assistant?"

"Personal assistant?" Murphy asked, seeking clarity.

"For a title, instead of secretary."

"You got it. In fact, you've got anything you want, Lisa. I think we'd make a good team."

"When do you want me to start?" Lisa asked, still a little leery of the thought of all of this. It was happening too fast.

"Is this a yes?"

"Almost. So, when?"

"How's an hour sound?"

"An hour? I don't know, Ms. Brown."

"Okay two hours. We're not in a real rush here. Well I am. Will two hours do?"

"How hard would it be for me to get my own place here?"

"Not hard. Not hard at all. I can make some phone calls tomorrow."

Lisa looked at her watch again. "Oh God, my friends are going to kill me! I was supposed to meet them at this Phil's place like an eternity ago. Do you know where that is?"

"Like the back of my hand. Hold on." Murphy picked up her phone and pressed the third speed dial button on her phone.

"Phil's."

"Phil?"

"Hey there, Murphy. What can I get ya today?"

"One second, Phil." Murphy put her hand over the receiver. "What do your friends look like?" Murphy whispered.

"You don't have to do this."

"I'm going to get a yes out of you before you leave. So, what do your friends look like?"

"Tell him to look for three very angry twenty-somethings." Murphy shot her a look. "Okay, tell him to look for a tall blond who bears a striking resemblance to Cameron Diaz."

"With Phil it's political figures only."

"Female political figures? The only ones that come to mind are Madeline Albright, Janet Reno, and Hillary Clinton and I can say with absolute certainty that... " Lisa's words trailed off when Murphy shot her another look. "Okay, got it. One of my friends bears a slight similarity to a young Laura Bush, only with blond hair and blue eyes. I don't really think that's going to help though."

"Good enough." Murphy removed her hand from the phone. "Hey, Phil. I need a favor."

"I told you already Murphy I have nothing on Roger Chaplin. I tell you even old Phil doesn't know where he is. I think I'm losing the touch."

"I'm not calling about Chaplin. Do you see a twenty-something girl who slightly resembles a young Laura Bush, but with blond hair and blue eyes in the bar?"

"Could you make this any easier for me, kid? It's lunch time and we're packed."

"Come on Phil. I just may be conned into doing that story on Chad's down the street using un-inspected meat in their meatloaf if you'll just take one quick look for me."

"Oh, all right Murphy." Phil scanned the bar.

"Great. She's with two other girls, approximately the same age."

"Oh, yeah, I see 'em now. Table twenty two. Do you want me to bring her to the phone?"

"No, just give her this message..."

"I'm a bar owner Murphy, not a secretary."

"I want you to imagine Chad's being gone, Phil. All that extra business coming your way. You could finally build Phyllis that exercise room you've been talking about."

"Yeah...Okay. Spill it."

"Lisa will be late to lunch. She is talking to Murphy Brown now and will be with you shortly. That's it, Phil. You're a prince!"

"If that's all Murphy, you'll have to excuse me. Sarah Palin and John McCain are in here arguing again about who is going more rogue. Plus, Boehner just walked in. It's the evil tea party trifecta. Gotta go."

"Bye Phil. And thanks." Murphy hung up the phone. "You see, that's how I get things done. Now how about that yes?"

"What about a place to stay? We just drove down here for the day."

"Stay with me, Lisa."

"No, no, no. I can't." All of a sudden Lisa's insides shifted.

"He won't bother you, I promise. He probably won't even be there till late. You see, he works as an assistant camera man...but you probably don't care, do you?" Lisa just looked at Murphy, not wanting to be rude. That just wasn't her style. "Well if you're not going to let me put you up somewhere and you're not going to stay with me, then are you going back to New York?" Lisa bit her bottom lip again. Murphy, being the seasoned reporter she was, noticed this and knew now was the time to go in for the kill, if she was going to get her way. "Or is going back to New York and possibly being some lowly assistant for any of those 60 Minutes people, and may God help you if you do, really going to make you happy?" Lisa was now gnawing on her bottom lip.

"Okay, okay! For one night only. That's it."

"We got a deal, right?" Murphy asked, her right hand now extended.

"Right." Lisa and Murphy shook hands and made their deal official.

"Good. I'll see you in two hours." Lisa gave her a half smile and turned for the door again. "Hey Lisa." She turned again. "Want your first assignment?"

"Sure."

"Pick me up a Phil burger, will ya? And tell Phil load up on the fries this time."

"Okay." Lisa rolled her eyes as she exited Murphy's office.