Eighteenth of December – A Key
After yesterday's hangover breakfast, Eren's savoury weekend routine of tea and toast smothered in butter and honey, seems scarce and, most of all, lonely. Nevertheless, he indulges in its rich sweetness, his mind recapitulating the memories from the previous night. It had been an interesting experience.
Their prior morning talk with Eren's apology had eased the way for promising anticipation and several knowing looks. He held Levi's hand again after dinner, reaching for it to trace knuckles, veins, and lifelines, experiencing the same treatment in return. Their feet touched during chess, sock fabric rubbing over sock fabric with every movement of a toe, and when they said goodbye long after midnight, Eren couldn't stop himself from leaning forward to brush a lingering kiss over a sharp cheekbone. The pressure of Levi's fingers closing tight around his own at the gesture, coupled with the hot puff of a catching breath against his ear ended in Eren going home feeling desperate. He didn't even make it into his kitchen before jerking himself off, leaning right against his shut door and coming violently after only a few pulls. He'd looked at the cooling evidence of his release on his hand, all the while asking himself why the fuck he is doing this to himself.
Taking care of the remains of his breakfast, Eren's gaze wanders over to the napkin on his kitchen wall. He smiles. This is why. Because of Levi. Eren wants, no, needs to do right by Levi. Wants him to feel good and comfortable about shifting their relationship for life. To savour every single step along the way.
Still, the question of how relationships usually come to life to begin with remains. What should he do or say? What's expected in a situation like this?
What would Levi do?
As Eren follows the blue, scratchy lines on the soft napkin with his fingertips, a deep, glimmering warmth rises in his chest. He welcomes it, allowing it to wrap around his heart and pool in his belly with reassuring calmness.
One step at a time, he thinks.
"See you tonight," he promises with a final brush across Levi's drawing.
Then he grabs his coat and leaves his quarters to help Connie and Sasha with settling into their new jobs.
They moved into their new place on the day the Exploration Squads left. Still, Eren offered his assistance with going through the Instructor manuals and timetables they had to understand.
Sasha greets him with a wide smile a few moments after he knocked, bidding him to enter. Connie grins at him from their table which is loaded with paperwork.
Despite the rather scarce interior décor using the few things they own, they've made it a home in such a short time. His own quarters never looked this comfortable, and he's been living in them for over a year.
A picture from Jean hangs in their living room. It's one of those he must have drawn recently—it's the six of them sitting in the Sparrow—and a surprising amount of houseplants are scattered all over the place. A small collection of wooden animals rest on the window sill, including a bear, a wolf, a crab, and some other animal that Eren doesn't recognise. It somehow reminds him of a fish. Connie must have improved his carving skills. The whole homeliness is enhanced by the faint smell of broth which hangs promisingly in the air.
Eren smiles. "Nice place."
Sasha beams, holding out a plate. "Thank you, Eren. Cookies?"
Of course, she bakes too, he thinks.
Soon they sit around the table, the baked goods between them, and Sasha even brews him some tea, which Eren gratefully accepts. It only takes him one sip to make him smile even brighter. It's one of Levi's.
"We already went through the list of what the first years should know at the end of the term," Sasha says after they've discussed general procedures, drills, and teaching methods. She tucks a strand of wayward hair behind her ear while looking down at the papers. "But I don't really know where to start."
"I was thinking about resilience and strength training," Connie says, pointing at a sheet of paper with a sequence of drills for abdominal muscle formation.
Eren nods. "Yeah, I'd start with that, but didn't take too long before giving them the gear test. Remember how Shadis made us take the test during our second week as cadets? I did it the third week last year because it helped to determine who could continue training."
Connie and Sasha nod, so Eren continues. "We don't need it as much as we used to, but it's still essential equipment we all have to use. If cadets don't have the feel for it, they will have to leave. It doesn't make sense to wait too long before testing their balance. If they invest too much only to get told they have to leave, they'll be far more disappointed. Still, testing them right away isn't the right way either. They need to have core muscle training before that. Otherwise, some will fail because they've got nothing to steady themselves."
"Exactly what I was thinking," Connie says. "I probably wouldn't have made the cut without the abdominal training Shadis tortured us with for all those hours."
"Yeah, their bodies aren't trained to handle balancing on wires and belts beforehand." Sasha sighs. "I'd forgotten that."
Eren smiles. "Do you already feel fit enough for training the second-years, Sasha?"
"Yes." She grins. "Based on the lessons we attended with you, I already know them and can tell how far along they are. I've got a good idea of what what to teach them from these tables too."
"Good. I could take over the first-years for you starting next week. Connie can assist me, so he can tell you about their progress. If that's okay with you two?"
"Fine with me," Connie agrees, looking at Sasha.
"Yeah, that sounds good," she says. "Thank you, Eren."
He nods. "You're welcome."
"Harold will probably want you there when they set Selma free," she adds. "Isn't that supposed to be next week?"
"First we need to let her strengthen her injured wing," Eren says, chewing on a cookie. "But yes, if it is healed enough, we could try releasing her by the middle of next week."
Sasha makes a ponderous face. "Should we make it a lesson with both classes combined? Part of our new survey mission is to document strange animals and birds, so knowing how to take care of them matters."
"It might be a bit cramped having two classes watch a bird relearning to fly," Eren smiles, relishing in the flavour of crumbling sugar, melting chocolate, and crunchy nut pieces. "But I could ask Harold to lend her to me so I can show the first years how to take care of a broken wing before we remove the tape."
"Good. It's settled then." Sasha nods and grins, her eyes twinkling. "How was the stew yesterday?"
Though smiling, Eren sighs. He just managed to not think about Levi for a minute, but apparently, there's no way to avoid the subject. "It was pleasant. Thank you."
"You're welcome." She winks and grabs a cookie to stuff it in her mouth with a lot of crumbling. "Want to know how to make these too?"
Eren glances at the plate which, due to him and Sasha, is almost empty, and sighs once more, defeated.
"Yes, please," he responds while grabbing another cookie. They seem to calm his nerves. Although the question of what he will or won't do tonight is back in his head, Eren thinks he at least will be able to handle it. Whatever may happen.
When he is standing in Levi's kitchen again at dinner time, however, he isn't so sure about that anymore.
Eager to keep his hands busy, Eren fumbles with the tea supplies as he prepares tonight's relaxing herbal infusion. Meanwhile, Levi is standing next to him, stirring the contents of a pan with heavenly smelling sausage meatballs and sauce. It's silent, just a bit too silent, and Eren's nerves are up in arms while the pleasant tingle of 'any time now' flowing between them makes his stomach swoop.
Goosebumps rise on Eren's neck and arms, making him sensitive for every one of Levi's tiniest movements beside him. His skin feels too tight and stretched taut against his bones. His fingers long for touch, his mouth for Levi's taste, his stomach for closeness.
Levi's elbow brushes over Eren's, and his emotions burst out.
"I hate this!" Eren cringes. No. That's not how he meant it. Not at all. On the contrary! He stares at Levi who looks back at him with a lifted eyebrow, waiting for an explanation.
So Eren starts anew. "Am I being stupid again?" he asks. It sure feels a bit like it.
"I don't know," Levi says. Tiny lights flicker in his eyes. A strand of his fringe falls softly over his brow. "Are you?"
"I don't know," Eren admits. "I don't know if–" He doesn't even know that. Too many ifs are racing around his head: What if I do something wrong? What if this is a silly idea? What if I get idiotic again, even though I know I want this so much? What if you find out I'm not worthy? What if it doesn't work out after all?
Pulling his lonely lip between his teeth, Eren tries to put his thoughts into the right words. He's not used to feeling insecure, to be this scared to screw something up. "I don't know what to do."
"You want something to change," Levi says after a short pause, still looking at him, searching his eyes.
Staring back, Eren swallows against his pounding heart as his thoughts vanish inside grey eyes.
What if I only hurt you again?
"Yes," he confesses.
Levi steps even closer until Eren can feel his alluring heat, utterly intoxicating, brilliant. Levi is smiling, smiling up at Eren, and he is close, so very close. He's looking at Eren's mouth with steady, questioning eyes. His tongue darts out to lick his parted lips. Eren can hear Levi's quickened breath a moment before Levi's fingers brush over his waist, directly over the hem of his trousers. Eren jerks at the touch. He can't breathe anymore. His heart feels ready to implode any moment.
"This?" Levi asks. The word fans over Eren's face from this close, filling his lungs with Levi's scent, rooting him in place as Levi's thumb continues to rub tantalising heat into Eren's belly.
Levi's eyes have streaks of silver in them. Thin lines, like starlight catching on ocean waves.
Slowly Eren reaches out with an unsteady hand to brush the stand of hair out of Levi's brow before tracing Levi's warm cheekbones with his thumb. Levi's skin is warm under his fingertips and scratchy from the first trace of beard shade.
"Yes," Eren breathes.
Enthralled by the sudden light blush blooming under his touch, he lets his hand wander further over Levi's neck, down his throat, over collarbones, and back across the soft stubble of the undercut until his fingers thread with Levi's silky hair. Levi makes a harsh gasping sound, and Eren stops thinking altogether. He doesn't really know who moves first. One moment he takes a last reassuring look into stunned, darkening eyes, the next Levi is already slotting himself against him, warm, muscular, powerful. Levi's lips brush against his. Stop. Wait, and at a needy sound from the back of his throat, their mouths meet in a hot collision. Messy and wet. The kiss is all Eren remembers, and so much more. Terrifying. Thrilling. Perfect.
Levi's strong fingers curl tight around his wrist and hip. Eren distantly realises he makes a sound again, some whispered promise a moment before Levi's tongue performs an unhurried slide against Eren's own, setting him ablaze and igniting a heavy ache in the base of his spine. It seems to expand, burning brightly to scorch every lingering restraint to ashes.
Eren wants to take his time, but his body won't let him, greedy for more. He lunges forward, presses Levi against his kitchen counter.
Levi chuckles softly. "Always in such a hurry," he mumbles into their kiss, breath ragged, voice raspy, mouth curling in a smile. His lips brush over Eren's with a mere ghost of a touch.
"Shit." Eren shivers, knees going weak, heat everywhere. His nerves are tingling, sending a thrilling tension into his guts. If Levi wants to continue with this slow pace, Eren might shatter with want right here on this spot.
"It's alright." Levi's thumb rubs Eren's waist again, holding him together, while Levi's other hand comes to a rest on Eren's neck. He lets Eren cling on to him as his tongue tenderly slips back into Eren's mouth, once, twice, and then Eren loses count, deciding it's much better to kiss back than thinking about details.
He lets himself get turned and pressed against the kitchen counter with a warming hand resting on his waist. Levi's thumb draws soothing circles over his shirt covered belly in possessive strokes. A moment later his hair falls down with a tug on his ponytail before Levi's fingers slip into his strands. He groans. Levi is everywhere.
Lights dance behind Eren's eyelids as pure, pleasant ache settles in his guts, blinding him to everything but a strong, firm front pressing against his, melting into him, lips and hands ravishing him. Eren lets it all happen, welcomes the languid kisses, the soft heat, the hold on his head. Enjoys the smooth shirt fabric and strands of silky hair in his own hands. Lets himself get swept away by the moment. Their long overdue moment.
By the time they draw back for air, Levi looks at him through cloudy, darkened eyes. His mouth is red and wet, his hair ruffled, cheeks flushed. His hair is a mess.
Dazzled by the sight, Eren stares. He did this to Levi. He needs more. So much more!
"How far do you want this to go tonight?" Levi asks, voice low and breathy, warm thumbs brushing over Eren's cheekbones. "Tell me where I need to stop."
Eren blinks through his haze, ordering himself to focus. He doesn't want to stop. He wants to lose himself in Levi, wants to pull him in closer. Yet something holds him back. Steadied by reassuring grey eyes, Eren scrambles together enough of his reason and his voice so he can answer.
"No actual fucking." He pants, swallows, despises himself for asking so much, though he knows this is the right choice. It has to be different tonight than it was their first time.
"Everything else is okay?" Levi is breathing hard too, is shuddering under Eren's touch.
"Yes," Eren rasps, trembling under Levi's sight. At his words. At his taste on his lips. "Yes, please! I…you, I need you. Please."
Levi makes a sound again, and this time it's a hungry growl that shoots lightings through Eren's veins, down his spine, and into his cock. Eren bends down to crush their mouths back together, but Levi meets him with lazy strokes of his tongue that take the haste out of their kiss, making it tormentingly slow, gentle, and sinful.
"Oh, yes!" Eren could probably come from this alone, but then Levi's hips press up against him in a languid motion, and he throws his head back at the sudden friction, the heat, the want and oh, yes, he wants it too. Needs it. He rearranges his posture, rocks back. Back against a delicious hardness that makes his head spin. He whimpers.
Levi reclaims his mouth. His strong, rough fingers fist Eren's hair and trail across a section of his stomach.
Levi's kisses travel away, over Eren's chin and jaw to settle for a spot in his neck. His teeth graze over Eren's skin, find his pulse, scratch over it, followed by a hot, wet lick, Levi's hand pulling on his hair to expose more throat.
"Oh, fuck. Levi."
Another thrust of Levi's hips commences, the drawn-out grinding of their hips fusing blissful relief with agitating need. Eren is on fire, wants to conquer Levi as well, to please him in return, so he presses back, always back, quickening the rhythm of Levi's movements. Frantic, chaotic, rough. Hard.
Levi pulls away from his neck. "Eren. Yes!"
Eren wants it to last, but it's already over. Levi looks up at him with a hazy gaze, pushes their hips together once more, and Eren smiles, bursts, falls into grey, blackened eyes that pin him in place. He comes, shuddering and gasping, and one moment later Levi goes still in his arms, tightens his grip on him, just before twitching against Eren, silently, but holding their gaze so intensely that Eren wonders for a curious second if he could go again right away.
Beautiful, he thinks. My man.
My Levi.
They stand there like this for a while, pressed against each other, breathing hard. The dampness in his trousers spreads, but it doesn't bother Eren one bit. Levi has the same issue.
Levi's head sinks against Eren's chest, arms wrapping around Eren's waist to hold on tight. Closing his eyes, Eren nuzzles into Levi's hair to drag in the scent he's missed from this close for such a long time as he lets his own hands run over Levi's back and neck. Over cotton and silky stubbles. Over wonderful shoulders and shirt-covered muscles.
Levi is so strong within his arms. He's like a rock. His broad chest is melting against Eren's while powerful arms hold him firmly in place, flexing as they squeeze on a warm sigh against Eren's sternum.
Heart swelling behind his ribs, Eren inhales more Levi. Kisses the top of his head. Presses him closer in return.
Next to them, their dinner bubbles gently in its pan.
Eren is home.
Running his thumb over Levi's nape, he opens his eyes. The world still looks the same, and yet it's brighter somehow.
"So much for taking it slow," he says after a few moments have passed and the cooling wetness in his trousers starts to feel uncomfortable.
Levi chuckles against his chest before lifting his head and blinking up at him. "So much for being too old." He pulls a face, though the light in his eyes deprives the grimace of its purpose. "Can't believe I came in my pants."
Eren laughs and kisses Levi's temple. "You are wonderful."
"You are weird. What I am is sticky," Levi points out, his voice vibrating against Eren's ribs. "I need to take a shower now. Seems we both do."
"Hm. Then I'm coming with you," Eren says, bending down to kiss Levi's lips again. They open willingly as he meets them, letting him search for Levi's tongue, unhurried and languid now. His hands run through Levi's hair and over the small of his back. Spoiled pants or not, Eren wouldn't mind standing here enveloped by Levi like this all evening long.
When Levi disentangles from their warm embrace, Eren almost protests, but ends up grinning instead when he sees Levi's weak knees wobble.
"What do you think?" Levi asks, unbuttoning his shirt which, due to Eren's effort, is crumpled and loose in places where it shouldn't be. "Can you keep your hands to yourself?"
"Probably not," Eren admits, still grinning and not even thinking about averting his eyes. "Can you?"
Eyes roaming over Eren's frame, Levi smiles before he pulls their dinner off the stove. "Probably not. Let's give it a try anyway."
Eren doesn't keep his hands to himself.
It's hot and steamy under the shower, and slippery in a lot of interesting ways. It doesn't particularly help that Levi is naked and presses Eren against the cool tiles of the wall with a knowing smirk as he soaps Eren from head to toes.
It also doesn't particularly help that Levi's belly button is ticklish, or that his muscles are scattered with scars that beg to be stroked and kissed. Or that Levi smiles when Eren reaches for the soap to wash Levi in return, deciding to spend extra attention as Levi gasps at a massaging hand around his balls.
It's only when Eren is back at HQ, about to open the door to his quarters in the middle of the night, that he notices the second key next to his in his pockets. It's small, made of brass, and it matches the door to Levi's café.
Staring at it with a widening smile alongside a kick of his heart, Eren runs his thumb over the cool, shiny metal. He doesn't have a clue when Levi surreptitiously slipped it into his pocket, but he doesn't really need to know.
His pants are still saturated. His belly is filled with a wonderful meal and roasted chestnuts. His best friend's kisses taste like tea and flying. And for the first time in his life, Eren is utterly content with himself and the world.
He isn't alone anymore. He is half of two. The way he belongs.