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I feel pretty rotten about myself right now. I did not handle that meeting well at all. Granted I didn't get angry and fly off the handle like Casey, but I was still wrong. I listened to McCoy berate the woman I love and all I did was sit there and take it. I did nothing to stand up for her. I watched her leave his office nearly in tears…and I just sat there. I didn't follow her.

And why? Because unlike Casey, I have respect for my boss. I don't like him, but I respect him. I have to do what he tells me if I want to keep my job, no matter how much it hurts me to do so.

This is what I'm using to justify not coming to Casey's defense in McCoy's office. But I have to admit….it doesn't sit well even with me. I feel awful. I actually feel sick as I walk down the hall towards Casey's office.

The door to Casey's office is closed, but I enter without knocking. I expect to find her sitting at her desk crying but instead I find her packing her briefcase in a hurry, and she barely looks up when I enter her office.

I close her door behind me. We don't need anyone eavesdropping on our conversation. I feel so horrible for Casey; what McCoy said was cruel and unnecessary and I know she's hurting badly right now. Just when I had successfully started to build her self-esteem and make her feel good about herself around here, McCoy has to go and take her all the way down. And he humiliated her in front of me, which makes it worse. Yes, Casey was out of line with her outburst, but so was McCoy.

"Casey, I'm sorry – " I begin, but Casey holds up her hand to stop me.

"Don't even bother, Alex. I don't care to hear it," she says coolly, not even looking at me.

She makes her way over to her file cabinet and busies herself with looking through it, leaving me standing there searching for the right words to say. She looks to be in a hurry and I know now is not the right time for a heartfelt speech, so I tentatively say the first thing that comes to mind, "I'm coming back to work tomorrow."

"Okay," is all she says, angrily slamming her file cabinet door closed? She's doing everything to avoid looking at me.

I expected opposition from her. I thought she'd fight me tooth and nail on this, and forbid me from doing it. But she's acting like she doesn't even care. And I know it's my fault.

"I'm just doing it because it's such a busy week. And I'm okay. I've had enough rest."

Casey completely ignores that comment and goes about getting to the stack of paperwork on her desk as if I don't even exist. Even though I know it's my own fault, it still hurts. Badly.

I approach her desk and softly call her name. "Casey…is it all right that I'm back tomorrow?"

Finally, she raises her head and looks directly at me. I see a mixture of hurt and sadness in her green eyes. "What does it matter what I think, Alex? You'll do whatever the hell you want." She lowers her eyes to her paperwork again. "You always do. I'm in a hurry. Please leave. I have to get this finished and go to court."

I can tell just from her attitude how badly she feels, and that makes me feel ten times worse. Casey doesn't deserve to be hurt like this.

"Casey, what McCoy said was awful. I'm so sorry. But you shouldn't have called him an asshole. It was out of line."

Casey finally looks at me again, and all I see is anger in her arms. She actually throws her pen down on her desk. "Really, Alex? You're going to blame this on me? You're just as bad as he is! You sat there next to me while he discriminated against us because we're a gay couple! You let him do it. When he finished his bigoted speech, all you said was 'It won't happen again, sir.' How could you? You can't possibly think what he said is right! That it's okay for straight couples to kiss and hold hands at public functions, but it's not okay for us because we're two women. Do you agree with that?"

I think she's more angry than upset, and she should be. She's absolutely right; that's exactly what McCoy was saying. And it isn't right.

"No, of course I don't agree with that. It's wrong. But I understand why he is asking us to refrain from it. We're professionals, Casey, and we have to remain that way at all times. The kiss at the fundraiser was my fault. I'm sorry."

Casey shakes her head. "No, Alex – you can't disagree with what McCoy said but understand his reasons at the same time. There's no reason good enough to justify it. If it's not unprofessional for a straight couple to kiss and hold hands, then it isn't for us either. And the problem here is that McCoy doesn't like and wants to make things as hard for me as possible. He doesn't even really care that we're a gay couple – maybe some people do and maybe he has caught flack for it, but personally he doesn't care. He just doesn't like me."

"You have to stop taking things so personally, Casey! Not everything is about you."

I don't mean it the way it sounds as it comes out. But that doesn't matter, because Casey is taking it the way it sounds. She kind of scoffs and looks back down at her papers. "I'll remember that. Thank you for making me see the light."

I close my eyes and sigh. "I didn't mean it like that. The point I am trying to make is that there are other ways you could have dealt with this. You could file a grievance against McCoy for discrimination, or you – "

"He would fire me," Casey says quickly. "You know that."

"Well, you don't seem too concerned about your job to me. Flipping out on your boss and calling him an asshole doesn't sound like the behavior of someone who values their job."

"It was apparent you weren't going to say anything. You may kiss ass to get ahead, Alex, but I don't."

And that's what makes me snap. How dare she say that? "I don't kiss ass, Casey! I just do what my boss tells me to do! There is a huge difference! And if you weren't too busy feeling sorry for yourself because McCoy doesn't like you, maybe you could figure that out. The issue here is – "

"You," Casey snaps at me quickly, catching my eye again. "The issue is you." I shut up immediately and let her finish. All the anger has faded from her eyes and she looks sad, which makes me hurt even more. "I can't believe what I just witnessed. I thought you were different; I really did. How could you sit there and listen to McCoy talk to me that way, and just stay silent? If he had been reaming you out, I wouldn't have sat there and allowed it to happen. I would have stuck up for you. That's what people who love each other do, no matter how wrong they think the other person is. And how could you let me walk out of there alone? I thought you were going to come with me. Do you have any idea how it felt to walk out of there alone? How can you feel good about yourself right now?" Her voice breaks on her last words and I can tell she is trying hard to not break down.

How can I feel good about myself? I don't. I feel like the lowest thing in this office right now. I know Casey is right; she would have defended me. She would have not only stuck up for me, but she would have gotten up and followed me out of his office. I have no doubt about that.

"I am so sorry, Casey. I really am. But I care about my job and McCoy is my boss and I just couldn't react the same way you did. It just killed me to hear him talk to you that way."

It sounds weak, even to my own ears. Am I actually defending myself right now? The woman I love most in this world is hurting and it's my fault, and I'm defending myself? This is not my proudest moment, that's for sure.

Casey shakes her head sadly. "Then what can I say? I guess I know where your priories are." She goes back to writing. "Please leave, I have work to finish and am due in court. Close the door behind you."

I don't feel right about walking away and leaving her like this. I love her so much and she's in pain and I need to make this right. I can't simply turn and walk out of her office.

"Casey…I can't leave you alone. I feel so badly."

"Good," she says, not even looking up. "You should. Now leave. Go 'feel badly' somewhere else."

I find myself retreated towards the door. This really isn't a good time. She does have work to do and if McCoy finds me in here when I don't need to be, there will be more trouble for us both. So as much as I don't want to, I force myself to open Casey's door. I hesitate a moment and look back at her. "We'll talk at home tonight, okay?"

"I won't be there. My lease isn't up for two more weeks. I'll be at my apartment." She glances up and catches my eyes, a stern expression on her face. "And don't come over. Just leave me alone."

So I do. I leave her office sadly. I haven't felt his bad in a long time.

As soon as the cab drops me off at my apartment building, I'm already thinking of ways to make things up to Casey. I can't stand how much I've hurt her. Seeing her almost start to cry in her office completely undid me.

The wound on my stomach hurts a lot right now. Sitting in McCoy's office and in the back of that bumpy cab didn't help it in the least bit. As soon as I'm through the door I go straight to the medicine cabinet and pop a couple Ibuprofens, and then my mind is right back on Casey.

She said she is staying at her apartment tonight. I can't imagine she even has anything left there. She's been gradually moving her things to my apartment the past few weeks. She gave away her furniture and bed. As far as I know the only left there are a few boxes she hasn't brought over yet. Where is she intending to sleep?

As hard as I am focusing on Casey, there is another subject that keeps popping into my mind as well, as much as I don't want it to. The promotion McCoy said I was being considered for. I can't even begin to guess what it could be or if I'd even want it. I'm honored I'm being considered for whatever it is but something in the back of my mind keeps telling me to be cautious, that this might be McCoy's way of trying to drive a wedge between me and Casey.

As if he hasn't done that already. I know I need to deal with him in a more effective way. There are ways of letting him know he is wrong and telling him to back off Casey that doesn't involve stepping out of line the way Casey did.

I sit down on the couch and start evaluating my current situation. I'm going back to my work tomorrow. I need to set aside some time to talk to McCoy and let him know I won't stand for his treatment of Casey. I need to make this right; as I should have done this afternoon.

Casey had said she realized where my priorities are, and sadly I can understand why she would think I am putting my career first. If I was in her position and Casey just sat there while McCoy attacked me, I would think the same thing and I would devastated. My career is important to me, yes, but not nearly as important as Casey. I should have made that clear. I shouldn't have let him push us around that way. What is wrong with me?

There are two lines that have been crossed here - the Career Line and the Relationship Line. Casey crossed the Career Line, and I crossed the Relationship Line. And now the two lines have crossed each other and made my life a living a hell. I'm stuck smack dab in the middle. I have my career that I care about, and my girlfriend that I care about.

Casey is great to me. She's been taking care of me since I've been home, waiting on me hand and foot. Since she started staying at my apartment she's made dinner nearly every night. She's a great cook and she's spoiled me with her homemade lasagna and baked potatoes, among other delicious dishes. Before Casey I always ate salads and takeout. She holds the car door open for me whenever we drive anywhere together, and she's extremely protective of me. She's the perfect girlfriend. I really screwed up here.

I remember vividly the day I decided to be Casey's friend. I had grown tired of all the talk behind her back about her and took a stand - literally. The memory is so clear, like it just occurred yesterday.

"Look who just walked in," John says, nodding toward the service counter.

I turn around in my chair and see Casey Novak standing in line. She sees us at the table and smiles hesitantly, but doesn't say anything.

"Oh goody. I hope she doesn't come over here and try to sit with us. Her stupidity may be contagious," Scott replies, and he and John laugh like it's the most hilarious thing in the world.

That's the trouble with going out to lunch with colleagues – all they do is gossip about each other. John and Scott are the worst. They're new to the lawyer circuit in the city and I've been nice enough to take in lunch with them everyday this week, showing them the ropes and telling them what judges to be careful around and giving them the dirt on fellow attorneys. But it seems to me they would rather talk about the faults of others than absorb anything I am trying to teach them.

And I am tired of everyone picking on Casey. It's ridiculous. Everyone talks behind her back, whispering things about her that I'm sure she hears. McCoy asks me if she's doing anything wrong on average of about five times a day. And even Olivia bad mouths her.

I'm the first to admit that I was beyond angry she was hired back. I've been cruel to her and I'm also guilty of engaging in some of the talk behind her back. But as I've worked with her these past couple of months, I've realized it really needs to stop. Casey is not so bad. She's always willing to help me and do more than her share of the work, she's smart and she's friendly. She acts as if she doesn't know what everyone is saying about her…even though I know she actually does.

Everyone is acting like abusive third graders, treating Casey like she's the new kid in school. Have they forgotten she was Special Victims ADA for four years?

I watch as Casey gets a sandwich and drink from the counter and then makes her way over to an empty table nearby and sits down. She doesn't even look our way again. It's commonplace for colleagues to eat together. Usually if I'm alone and I see someone from the DA's office or the courthouse, I'll just go sit down and join in the conversation. Seeing Casey sitting alone actually makes me feel sad.

"At least she's smart enough to know not to come over here," Scott says, laughing again. "Maybe a stranger will feel sorry for her and sit with her."

For some reason, that comment enrages me. I shoot Scott one of serious look and say sternly, "Maybe someone should try being her friend."

Scott and John glance at each other, obviously surprised by my sudden change in attitude. Then Scott looks down at his sandwich and says, "No thanks. She's something I try to avoid…just like stepping on dog shit on the sidewalk."

John busts out laughing at Scott's insensitive comment, and that's when I get up from the table. I shoot them both a look and remove my purse from the back of my chair and pick up my tray. "What a lovely pair of humanitarians you guys are."

Then I turn my back on them and head for Casey's table. I can hear them whispering and laughing as I walk away, but I don't care. I don't wish to participate in their cruelty anymore.

As I approach Casey's table, I'm a little nervous. I don't warm up to people easily, and Casey and I have had our share of words exchanged these past couple of months. But she needs a friend. And despite the fact that I hated her the first week I was assigned to be her supervisor, I've actually grown to like her a lot. I can extend a hand of friendship here for someone who needs it.

I stop next to an empty chair at Casey's table, and she finally notices me. She gives me a puzzled look and I plaster on a smile. "Hi. Do you mind if I sit down?" She seems surprised, but motions for me to sit down anyway. I put my tray down first and then sit in the chair across from her. "How has your day been?"

"Okay," she answers quickly, still seemingly confused as to why I would want to eat lunch with her. "How has yours been?"

"The same."

We sit in silence for a few minutes. I don't know what to say to her, and she doesn't know what to say to me. I think she knows I only came over here because I felt sorry for her.

And pity isn't good groundwork for a friendship.

And then it suddenly hits me – I know exactly what to say to her; something she needs to hear. She needs to know she's not the only person to have a made a mistake. She should know no one is perfect…even me.

"You know, I was held in contempt before," I blurt out as I finish chewing a bite of my sandwich.

My comment gets the desired results from Casey. She's looking at me in surprise, genuinely interested in what I have to say. "Really?"

I nod. "Yes, really. Judge Petrovsky put me there. She wanted me to bring charges against someone who I didn't think deserved it. I mouthed off, we locked horns….to make a long story short, I ended up in jail."

"Oh my God, it was Petrovsky?" Casey starts laughing, her whole demeanor instantly changing. "I'm surprised you ever got out."

"Donnelly had to get me out of it. I was pretty mad. Steaming, actually."

Casey laughs again, and then shakes her head. "You're lying. There's no way you would ever be held in contempt. I don't believe it."

I meet her eyes and hold her gaze. "It's true. Ask Olivia; she'll tell you. She had way too much fun with me about it after it happened. She thought it was the funniest thing ever. I, on the other, failed to see the humor in it."

Casey is definitely getting a kick out of this story. She hasn't stopped smiling since I started telling it. "Wow. How come I never knew that? You're Alex Cabot; it seems like everyone would still be talking about the day you went to jail."

I smile back at her. "You answered your own question right there – I'm Alex Cabot. They don't dare talk about it."

Casey is impressed by this new knowledge. She nods in approval. "I have to say, you just went up on my cool list. Like a whole notch."

"You have a 'cool list'?" I ask in amusement.

"Only in my head. You're way high on it now."

She's really easy to talk to. Usually I'm uncomfortable talking like this with someone I don't know. Granted we aren't strangers, but we don't really know each other either. Our conversations are usually kept to the office or hallways and always about work. We never talk personal stuff. In fact, I don't know anything about Casey except what I've heard from others. But she seems like a nice enough girl, and someone I would like to get to know.

"Did you tell me that story to make me feel better?" Casey asks suddenly. "Because you know what everyone says about me?"

There's no use denying it. It might make her feel worse if I do so, so I tell her the truth. "Actually, yes. I wanted you to know I'm not perfect. I've made mistakes. More than just that one. I'll tell you the rest some other time. Did it work? Did it make you feel better?"

Casey smiles again. "Yes. Thank you."

I'm about to say something else when my cell phone beeps. I fish it out of my purse, and find a text from Olivia waiting for me. She wants me to stop by the precinct immediately.

"I'm sorry; I have to get going," I tell Casey apologetically as I wrap up the rest of my sandwich and sling my purse over my shoulder. "It was nice talking to you. We'll grab lunch again sometime."

Casey says goodbye and I'm about three steps away from the table when a thought occurs to me. I've extended the hand of friendship to Casey…why not keep it extended?

"Casey," I call out, getting her attention again. "What are you doing after work tonight?"

"I just have a date with my DVR. That's it," she answers quickly.

"Well, Olivia and I are going out. There's this little bar we like to go to. They have really good hot wings and a karaoke stage. We sit there and watch people making fools of themselves. Doesn't sound like much fun, but we have a blast. Would you like to come with us tonight?"

Casey seems very happy about the invite. She smiles a real smile and says, "I would love that."

I return the smile. "Great. Text me your address and we'll come pick you up around seven."

We had become instant friends that day. She went out with Olivia and I and we had a great time. She had us cracking up immediately and we tried to set up outings for the three of us at least once a week. I had no idea that nearly a year later Olivia would be out of the picture and she'd be my girlfriend.

If she still is.

Finally, I can't stand sitting and mentally scolding myself anymore. I grab my phone and send Casey a text message, I love you. Please come home tonight. I'm sorry.

My text message is still unanswered two hours later but it's nearly forgotten as climb into a cab again and head to the local electronics store. I have been meaning to buy Casey a new laptop for a long time and now seems as good a time as ever to do it. She'll be so surprised, and maybe it will help her feel better.

As I get to the computer section of the store I head immediately for the Sony Vaio laptops. I have one and Casey always comments on how much she likes it. Mine is glossy white and sleek and Casey likes that its appearance is similar to a Mac.

"Can I help you?" someone asks from my left, and I turn around to see a store employee with a nametag reading 'Aaron' approaching me. He notices I'm checking out the Sony's. "I see you've found the Sony Vaios. These are some of our best laptops. What specs are you looking for?"

I'm not extremely tech-savvy like Casey. She would be able to rattle off a bunch of specs to Aaron and actually know what she's talking about. The only thing I know about laptops is how to use them, that they have a short battery life and what version of Windows I have. I couldn't tell you anything more.

"To tell you the truth, I'm not real computer smart. I'm shopping for my girlfriend. Her laptop that was running Windows XP just died and she needs a new one. I currently have a new Sony and she just loves it. So that's what I'm looking at."

Aaron nods in understanding. He probably has a lot of customers like me. And we're probably all a pain a deal with. "Windows XP? Ouch. The laptop did your girlfriend a favor by dying. What does she use her laptop for mainly? I can help you select one."

"Mostly for work. We both work for the DA's office. She types up a lot of documents and uses the internet a lot." I scan the selection of Sonys again. I don't see any white ones, which is what I had wanted. "What colors do these come in? Mine is white and she loves the looks of it."

"Most of them come in black or silver," Aaron says, checking out the sales tag on a silver one to our left. "These one here just came in two weeks ago. It's the best one we have right now. It's a regular laptop, but features a touch screen as well. The screen is LED. It has a Blu-Ray drive and the fastest processor available. That's good for gaming and watching movies."

"She doesn't really do either of things on her computer. Do you have any in white?"

I'm sounding difficult, I know, but I want to get Casey something she is going to like. I don't know if she would like a touch screen. I know that I wouldn't be too excited about it. Seems like you'd be wiping fingerprints of your screen constantly. And what the heck is an LED screen?

Aaron goes down the line of Sonys, checking the tags on each. He's being very patient with me, which I'm thankful for. "Unfortunately, we don't have any of these in white. The only model we have that has a white available is the C-Series, and it's over lesser quality than the rest. We would have to special order that specific color for you."

I frown. I don't want to wait for a special order, and I don't want to get Casey a low quality computer.

"Do you have mind made up that you want a Sony? I can show you some other brands we have. A lot of our HP and Dell models have a variety of colors to choose from. Some even have pink and blue."

I can't imagine seeing Casey use a pink laptop. She'd kill me if I ever got her something like that. Or blue. She'd probably beat me to death with it. It would be a justifiable homicide.

"I really did have my mind set on a Sony." I step forward and start checking out the silver one with the touch screen he just showed me. The screen is paper thin and the colors are very vivid, and when I touch it to make a selection on the screen I am surprised that it barely leaves a visible mark. It is actually nice. The screen is very responsive.

"That comes pre-loaded with Microsoft Office so it will have a full word processing and spreadsheet program. I'm sure that's a feature she would want, considering her job."

Those are both programs I currently use and I'm sure Casey does too. This is a nice laptop; and the silver isn't so bad. It's better than black. Casey wouldn't like black. Her dead laptop is black. She always tells me it's ugly and generic. So I think silver is the option to choose here.

After I check out all the features, my eyes fall on the price. One-thousand seven hundred. About the same price as mine. Pricey, but it seems to be a solid machine and Casey is more than worth it.

I just hope she never finds out how much it cost.

I tell Aaron I'll take one in silver, and as he goes to get me one from the stock room I wait by the register and take my phone out again. I'm disappointed to see Casey still hasn't responded to my text. I compose another short message to her - Please come home after work. I have a surprise for you. And we need to talk.

Hopefully this gift will at least put a smile on Casey's face, even if I can't right now.

I don't hear from Casey by nine PM, so I take a huge chance and go to her apartment. I'm fully aware she told me to leave her alone - but I can't. I love her and she's hurting.

I show my ADA badge to the doorman and he lets me go up without hassle. It's been so long since I've seen him that he probably thought Casey and I broke up. Come to think of it, Casey has been to her apartment in weeks. He had probably thought she moved out until she came home tonight.

I stand in the elevator holding the box containing Casey's laptop by the handle nervously. As soon as she sees it she will know what it is. The words "Sony Vaio" scrolled across all sides kind of give it away. But I didn't want to open it and put it another box in case she doesn't like it and I have to return it.

All too soon I find myself standing in front of Casey's door. A full minute goes by before I work up the courage to knock. She doesn't answer right away and at first I think that maybe she's still at work but then I hear footsteps heading towards the door and suddenly she opens it.

She's been crying. Very recently. I can tell right away. Her eyes are red and puffy and I can still see the moisture shining on her cheeks. I feel my heart drop to my feet. It hurts me so badly to see her like this.

Despite her emotional state, she's looking at me angrily. "I told you not to come over, Alex. What do you want?"

"To talk to you. We need to talk about what happened, Casey."

"We already did," Casey snaps angrily, and then her eyes fall on the box I'm holding. "What's that?"

I put a smile on my face and hold it out to her. "I got it for you. I know you needed a new one. I hope you like it."

Casey stares at the box and then back at me in disbelief. "You came over here to give me a new laptop? That's your apology for hurting me so badly? Buying me an expensive gift?"

She's furious. This was a bad idea. I sit the box down by my feet and attempt to calm her down. "That's not my apology, Casey; I've been meaning to get you one for awhile now. I came here to give you my apology, yes, but that's not it." I look past her into the apartment. "Can I come inside so we can talk?"

She shakes her head. "No. I want you to leave. I told you I wanted to be alone. Take the computer and go. I don't want it."

She starts to shut the door, but I step forward and wedge my foot between the door and the door frame to stop her. She looks surprised. "Alex - just go!"

I shake my head at her. "No. Not until you hear me out."

"I already heard you out. You already said how you feel." She starts to shut the door again. "Go home, Alex."

I can't let her do this. If that door closes between us, it will cause irreparable harm to our relationship. And I can't let that happen; I can't bear to let that happen. I move towards the door again and this time catch it with my hand. I can't quite hold it so I raise my left arm and try and take hold with that hand as well, but my cast gets in the way and somehow Casey manages to close the door on it. Pain immediately shoots up that arm and I cry out.

Casey pulls the door open quickly, a look of horror on her face. She sees me holding my arm right above the cast and reaches out to touch it. "Alex! I am so sorry! I didn't do that on purpose! Are you okay?"

Despite the pain I'm feeling, I manage a smile. Just the fact that she's concerned about hurting me shows me that she still loves me.

Casey's expression softens and she sighs in resignation. "I guess you have to come in now." She steps aside so I can enter. "Come on."

I pick the computer box back up and walk into her apartment. Her empty apartment. There is literally nothing here, just as I suspected. No furniture, no television, nothing on the walls…what the heck has she been doing here? Sitting on the floor?

I spin around to face her and she reads the question in my eyes. "Yeah, I know there's nothing here. Everything is given away or at your apartment. But my journal is still here with some of my personal stuff. I've just been writing in my journal."

Writing about me and what I did to her, I'm sure. And that makes me sad. But writing is a good outlet, and if that makes her feel better then I'm all for it. I wonder why Casey doesn't have her journal at my place yet. Does she not trust me? Does she think I'm going to read it? I would never do such a thing.

"Where were you planning on sleeping?" I ask, meeting her eyes for the first time since I got here.

"I got a hotel room. I was actually headed there shortly."

Casey doesn't need to be sleeping in a hotel room alone tonight. She needs to be at home in our bed with me.

"You don't need to sleep in a hotel. You need to come home. I know I hurt you, Casey, and I'm sorry, but running away is not the answer. You can pretend to hate me all you want, but I saw the concern in your eyes when you shut the door on my arm."

Casey sighs and turns away from me. She walks to the middle of the living room and sits right down on the floor. I would actually laugh if this wasn't such a serious time. I'm not sure what to do, so I set the box down and stand beside her. "I don't think sitting on the floor would be too good on my stomach, so I'm going to stand here if you don't mind."

Casey looks up at me. Her expression is no longer angry, but soft and sad. "I don't hate you. I could never hate you. And I wasn't 'pretending' to hate you. But I am upset with you. I'm hurt. You hurt me deeply, Alex. You really did."

I bite the bullet and force myself to sit down next to Casey. I cringe a bit at the pain it causes my stomach, but I can't just stand there and stare at Casey. I need to be sitting next to her.

I take a huge chance and hold her hand and to my relief she lets me. "Casey, I am so sorry about that. Words can't express it enough. Even though you did step over the line with McCoy, he certainly had no right to attack you the way he did. And I had no right to sit there and let him do it. As much as my job matters to me, you matter more. I handled what happened very poorly. I was your colleague sitting there…and not your girlfriend. And for that I sincerely apologize."

It's a moment before Casey responds. She's staring straight ahead, running her thumb over the back of my hand. "Remember when I told you I was giving you one more chance, and that if you hurt me again we were over?"

I'm immediately flooded with panic. My heart actually plunges. Did I just blow my last chance? Somehow I manage to utter, "Yes, I remember."

Slowly she turns and looks at me, meeting my eyes. "I wish I had the willpower to stick by that; but I don't. You did hurt me, Alex, but I can't let you go. I love you and I know you love me too. I know I was out of line when I called McCoy an asshole. I shouldn't have said it. I should have handled it via different means, as you suggested. But you know me…I kind of have a big mouth. He was wrong, Alex, and I'm not backing down on that stance, but I admit I was wrong and I put you in a horrible position. And when you came to my office we should have sat down and talked things out. I'm sorry for the way I reacted. But this week has been stressful, I'm irritable, and McCoy's words were still stinging. But that's no excuse; I'm so sorry." After a moment she adds, "I was wrong, and so were you. We have to share the blame on this one."

I agree with her. I think the guilt is pretty even here. Maybe a little more on me, but still almost right down the middle. And the fact that she's not breaking up with me right now speaks volumes. She's forgives me.

We spend a few minutes staring into each other's eyes until we're both smiling. And then I say, "I'm sorry too, Casey. And what McCoy said isn't true. You did not deserve that attack. I'm sorry you had to hear that."

I should tell her about the mystery promotion….but somehow it doesn't seem the right time. I don't want to keep it from her but it may be more appropriate to wait until I find out what it actually is and if I want it. I already know if it means sacrificing my relationship with Casey I'll turn it down immediately.

"Yeah he was pretty harsh," Casey concurs, looking away from me again. I think she's embarrassed. "I have always known he doesn't like me…but to know that is how he actually feels; I felt pretty low."

I immediately put my arm around her shoulder. I wish I had sat on the other side of her; it's awkward to have to have my wrist cast resting on her back, but she doesn't seem to mind. "Well, he's the only one who feels that way. The only one. Ignore him. And rest assured that first thing tomorrow morning I will be in his office letting him know I won't stand for his treatment of you. I'll make this right. I promise."

Casey rests her head against my shoulder and sighs. "Don't dig a hole for yourself, Alex. And I'm not sure you should return to work yet."

"I will be fine," I assure her. "And I promise I won't dig a hole - I'm not you, after all." That gets a giggle out of Casey and that makes me smile. I start to play with her hair. "You up for getting out of this empty place? Grab your journal and we'll go home."

Casey lifts her head off me and looks at me with a thoughtful expression. "I have a better idea - I already paid for that hotel room."

We both have a sly smile creep across our faces at the same time. Casey jumps up quickly and holds her hand down to me, pulling me to my feet. She places a kiss on my cheek and whispers, "I have a bag I was going to take with me. I'll grab it and we'll go. Stand here and stay sexy." She eyes the computer box sitting on the floor by the door as she walks by it and adds, "Oh, and Alex? Grab the laptop - I really do want it."

"I love you so much," I say softly, leaning over Casey and stroking her forehead. She smiles up at me lovingly. "I'm so sorry I made you doubt that."

"I love you too, Alex," she whispers sweetly, reaching up and smoothing my hair back. "I never doubted your love. I was just upset."

At this very moment, there's no place I'd rather be than where I am right now. Lying in this hotel bed with Casey, our hair still damp from our shower and completely naked. Casey is lying on her back and I'm leaning over her, very much enjoying the sight from above.

I can't stop touching her. I don't want to stop touching her. I love this woman so much that my heart actually aches. She's so forgiving and always more concerned about me than about herself. How could I ever want anything more?

We stay in our current position gazing into each other's eyes until I can find the appropriate words to adequately express to Casey how precious she is to me. "You're the best thing I have in my life, Casey. When you were angry with me, it hurt so much. I don't ever want to feel that kind of pain again. I promise I won't ever do another thing to hurt you. I won't ever sit idly by and let someone berate the love of my life ever again. I was so wrong, Casey, and I'm so sorry. I know I already apologized, but I need to say it again. I just love you so much. Having you in my life is what keeps me going. I don't know what I would do without you." I stop momentarily stop stroking her hair and opt to take her hand instead, and I kiss the back of it gently. "I'm making you the most sincere promise I've ever made – I'm yours, and you're mine and nothing will ever change that. Not McCoy, not the job…nothing. I'm going to be proud to be Casey Novak's girlfriend every day from this moment on, and I don't care if anyone has an objection. I love you and that's all that matters to me."

Casey's eyes fill with tears and she starts to say something, but is too overcome with sobbing to form any words.

I immediately bend down and kiss her forehead. "Baby don't cry; please. I didn't want to make you cry." I'm getting choked up myself and I let a single tear roll down my own cheek as I wipe Casey's tears away and smile at her. "You're beautiful. You know that? Beautiful."

When Casey can finally speak again, her voice is laced with emotion. "Alex…what you just said – no one has ever said that to me before with such heartfelt emotion. I could read it on your face that you meant and felt every word and I just can't…"

My heart suddenly flutters – just can't what? Return my feelings anymore? I look down at her crying and wonder if I'm about to have my heart broken again.

But Casey doesn't leave me hanging long. After a deep breath to collect herself, she finishes. "I just can't imagine why you would love me so much and I always try to figure it out, but now…now I don't think the reason matters. You do love me, and I love you, and this is what we have." Her voice breaks again. "Each other."

Our heartfelt exchange is interrupted by me lowering myself down on top of Casey gently. Our bare stomachs press against each other as I kiss Casey and she kisses me back just as frantically. Her hands wander to my back, and she presses me against herself tightly. When our lips break apart, she rasps into my ear, "Touch me inappropriately."

I have to pull back and look at her, our tender moment ended by my sudden laughter. I can't help myself. Who says that?

Casey is grinning at me as she seeks out my useable hand and guides it to her chest, releasing it just under her breasts. "You don't need permission. I won't prosecute someone as sexy as you."

I let myself feel every inch of Casey's chest, and I close my eyes in pleasure as she does the same to me. We've touched each other like this before, but somehow it's different now. We're different.

Casey suddenly pulls me down so I'm lying right on top of her again and starts to kiss her way up my neck. It feels so good I have to suppress a moan. She knows what that does to me. She's still fondling my breasts and I'm enjoying what she's giving me, but I want to give her something too. I want to make her feel my love the way that I do.

I rest my casted wrist on the pillow beside Casey's head as I make my way south with my other hand. As soon as I slip my hand between her legs, she cries out and tightens her legs around my hand. She wants to receive this just as much as I want to give it.

And I do give it. Over and over. And so does Casey. We lay there intertwined and making lover for what seems like hours, until our hair is matted to our foreheads with sweat and neither of us has an ounce of strength left.

I roll off Casey, lying on my back beside her and desperately trying to catch my breath. My heart is beating at a million miles per hour. I don't think I'll ever come down from this; I don't think I'll ever want to. This has been the most incredible night of my life. Casey gave me love tonight like I didn't think even existed anymore. It felt like something straight out of a graphic sex novel.

Casey rests her head on my sweat-laden chest, her rapid breathing mimicking my own and I immediately place my hand on her back and start rubbing. It glides easily over her equally as sweaty skin.

"Alex…that was wonderful. I've never felt anything like that before. God, I love you so much. Thank you for sharing this with me. Thank you for loving me."

I smile even though she can't see it from her resting place on my chest. "You make it sound like I'm doing you a favor. It was just as good for me. You're the most incredible person in the world, Casey. I'm going to tell you that every day, because it's true and you deserve to hear it. You deserve nothing but love and happiness and that's what I'm going to provide for you. And I'll show you love every night and treat you the way you deserve to be treated. Because you're my Casey." I kiss the top of her head. "And I'm your Alex."

Casey snuggles deeper into my chest. Her breathing has finally evened out and she's completely relaxed. "I'll always be your Casey."

We don't speak again. Casey falls asleep and I lie awake enjoying the feel of her head on my chest and continuing to rub her back. It feels so good to have her so close to me. I don't ever want to let her go. Olivia used to hold me like this all the time. It used to make me feel so secure and loved when I'd feel her rubbing my back and kissing me occasionally.

It's funny; this day started out to be one of the most horrible days ever, but ended as one of the best nights of my life.

So...what do you think? Do you like? And do you think the blame really WAS 50/50 here? Stay tuned...in the next chapter Alex finds out about her promotion. Any predictions as to what it is? And how it will affect Alex and Casey's relationship? And I keep getting asked this question so I will keep answering - yes, Olivia IS coming back