Chapter 21: Unfair Game, But the Chances are…

"I don't want to say it, but it feels like you don't want me here."

Sesshoumaru looked at her from the corner of his eyes. He almost felt guilty. Almost.

Koura sighed. What did she expect from her fiancé: to jump excitedly at the sight of her? She should have known better. She'd call herself lucky if he even cracked a smile her way. But, it was something she continued to hope for during a lifetime together. She frowned at the silence enveloping the two of them. She should be really used to it.

In her recent trip out of the country, she had some deep contemplation of what her life would be with Sesshoumaru. Sure, it would be a lifetime of pleasure (in financial terms). She would still be able to continue her expensive lifestyle. But would all that be worth it? No one knew about it but she also craved for a passionate embrace, or a kiss every now and then, or being told 'I love you' without initiating it first. Was that too much to ask? No one knew she would cry at night because she just couldn't figure out why Sesshoumaru seemed so cold even towards her.

But still, she could not simply command her heart to love someone else, to look at another man. If she could, she wouldn't be there trying to break the silence between them.

"Aren't you going to ask about my trip or why I'm here all of a sudden?" she put on her usual jolly smile. All Koura could hope for was that her voice would not betray her true emotions.

"How was it?"

For a millisecond moment, she contemplated throwing her handbag at him. She was making an effort at a conversation and all he could say was 'how was it'? Unbelievable!

"It was actually quite invigorating. You see poverty all over the town, but the people were caring, generous and enthusiastic. It made me feel ashamed and guilty at the same time. Here I am, able to spend tons of money on items I really don't need while a child in that country could not even afford to buy one pencil," she said sadly. Koura blinked away a tear threatening to show. She once again put on a happy mask for Sesshoumaru's sake. "Well, actually…I got a call from your mom. She asked me if I could come home. So… I did! Is there something you want to tell me?"

Sesshoumaru still refused to look at her directly. He poured himself a glass of wine. "You should not have adhered to what my mother asked you to."

"So, basically, you're saying I should have just stayed there. Kind of like, I shouldn't even be here," Koura snapped for some reason. She was really getting tired of always being the understanding and giving one.

Sesshoumaru faced her and looked at her straight in the eyes for the first time. Not a single emotion could betray what he was thinking or feeling. Koura could only guess he was not too happy with her remarks. "I was not the one who chose to do some pathetic humanitarian activity over preparing for our wedding."

The only emotion he was able to muster was the hardness in his tone; and it was very apparent to Koura. "Hold on. What are you trying to say? I mean, Izayoi told me you required of me to be back home. I really thought you'd be happy with my surprise."

"I never told my mom I need you to come home," he said, only then realizing what his statement meant.

Koura stood up from her seat. This time anger was rising in her. She clenched her fists and mentally counted to ten to pacify herself. How she wished she was instead back at that small village and played with the kids! "What is this all about Sesshoumaru? Why don't you tell it to my face what is really wrong? Is it just because of me choosing poor kids over our wedding or is there something more to it? I must admit, the moment I landed here I immediately called your mom. She said the two of us should marry sooner or else something might go wrong. Those are her words. Now, I want your words!"

It was rare for Koura to be extremely upset. In fact, he could not remember the last time she snapped like that. Sesshoumaru placed the now empty wine glass on the kitchen counter. For the first time in his life, he did not know what to do or say. He felt like floating in an abyss with no goal to reach. No nothing. For the first time, he felt bad betraying someone, most of all, Koura.

"In that case, we really need to have this conversation," was all he could say to Koura.

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"Cancelled? What do you mean cancelled?"

He had anticipated the reaction. He wore a bored expression, almost as if what he told his parents was of no importance. "It was a mutual decision," was the answer he could provide. It was not what his mother wanted to hear.

"Koura is very much dedicated to her charities and I am very busy with work. The two of us just decided to put a break on many things, including the wedding," he supplied. It was more than what he wanted to say but he figured saying more would simply end the matter at hand. Yet, it seemed to only make the conversation longer.

"That cannot be. I'm sure this has to do with the woman you brought during the party. She seemed a lovely lady, my son, but I think you're only having pre-wedding jitters," his mother announced passionately, almost as if trying to persuade Sesshoumaru.

Sesshoumaru gritted his teeth. Pre-wedding jitters? There were no such things in his vocabulary, more like a realization of the truth. "I have decided. Both of us, Koura and I reached a decision," he claimed once more, hoping it was the end of the conversation.

Izayoi refused to back down. It was not because she wished to control her son's life, it was only because she really believed in the pairing of the two. In her eyes, Koura and Sesshoumaru was the perfect match for each other, not to mention Koura's family had always been a good friend of the family.

"No. I can't accept this. Koura loves you dearly. She even rushed home when I asked her, just for you!"

Impatience was getting the better of him. "You shouldn't have interfered, mother."

Izayoi looked at him in disbelief. She shot a desperate look at her husband who remained silent all throughout the discussion. "Interfere? Why wouldn't I interfere when you go and have an affair with another woman while your fiancée is in another country? I never expected this from you, Sesshoumaru. I always thought you are better than that!"

Sesshoumaru faced his mother, a tiny amount of anger surged in his golden-glazed eyes. "I never had an affair with another woman. There are things that should only be between Koura and I; and those had already been discussed and concluded," he tried to phrase his statement as best as he could so he wouldn't come out as disrespectful but he failed miserably. His intonation resembled a bark, as if he was literally growling like a dog at his mother. "Why do you interfere so much in my personal choices? Have I not been a good son to both of you? Did I ever once tarnish the name of this family? Why do I have to be the one trapped in a situation I never really enjoyed? Just because my union with Koura is of perfect match doesn't make it likeable to me," he said, finally releasing some anger he repressed for so long.

He never once, even to himself, voiced out this feelings. He was always the model son, while his younger brother got to do whatever suited his lifestyle. Sesshoumaru was always the one to do the 'right' thing (right being the responsibilities to carry on a clean family name!).

His outrage was followed by at least two minutes of dead silence. He, as well as his parents, was shocked he lost control.

Taisho stepped in between mother and son, aware his wife had tears in her eyes. No one would really expect Sesshoumaru to release anger this way. It was more like Inuyasha's thing to shout in rage. He placed a form hand on Sesshoumaru's shoulder. "I will have a word with you in my study," he said in a stern voice, but there was gentleness in his eyes. Sesshoumaru didn't budge, still trying to calm down his usually calm self. "Now, son," he said firmly, as if the younger man in front of him was still ten years old.

Sesshoumaru turned around and left the living room without a word. Taisho turned to his sobbing wife. "Now, now, Iza. Stop crying now," he said in a much gentler tone. If the atmosphere were not so gloomy, he would have chuckled at the context of the situation. His wife always had the flare for drama. "You know you shouldn't have called Koura. You're interfering again!" he wiped the tears from her eyes.

"I was just doing what's right," she sniffed. She must admit, nowadays, she was getting way too dramatic. But, she never really expected her son, Sesshoumaru of all people to yell at her.

"What you THINK is right, not exactly what IS right," he corrected. "You should really accept that your sons are both grown-up now, capable to make their own decisions."

Izayoi shook her head slowly. "It's just… he and Koura are so perfect for each other," she said, but realizing her reasoning was a bit on the dull side. Two people who complement each other on looks, social status and intellect do not necessarily make them perfect for each other. There was a certain something needed.

"But, both of us know, and I think Koura too is aware, there is always something amiss in their relationship. I agree the two of them look perfect, but that is not enough for them to have a happy life together."

Izayoi sighed. So much for the plans she made with Koura's mom, being grandmothers and all. "Go talk to him. You're the one who can really level with him between the two of us," she kissed her husband on the cheek and smiled sadly. "Who knows, maybe there's still hope for him and Koura. He never said it was over between the two of them. He only said a 'break on many things'."

Taisho snorted in amusement at his wife as he walked to have a conversation with his eldest son.

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He thought about his actions while waiting for his father to appear in the study room. He was aware his parents were having a little discussion about him. He couldn't possibly hear them but he had an idea what was being said. Of course, his mother was still insisting of what she THINKS is right. So stubborn. Sesshoumaru smirked. No wonder both he and Inuyasha were stubborn men. He mentally rolled his eyes at himself. His line of thinking was becoming a little too eccentric, something like the way Kagura thinks.

Sesshoumaru leaned on one of the shelves. Kagura. She had always been on his mind since the very moment they met. It would be out of his character to admit there was something inside him that reacts whenever he thought of the woman, almost like a tingling feeling.

Sesshoumaru scowled.

"Remind me to always have the video cam ready whenever you feel like losing control," a jolly voice said from behind. The formidable figure of his father appeared on the doorway of the study room. "I swear we should really document your unusual behaviour because it only happens once in a blue moon," Taisho laughed at his own joke. "I bet your brother would have loved to see how you raised your voice at your mother."

Sesshoumaru was not sure whether his father was still in amusement or he was already being sarcastic. "Forgive me if I sounded disrespectful. I will immediately apologize to Mom."

Taisho walked forward, settling on his spacious leather La-Z Boy chair. "Son, indeed both your mother and I were shocked. But, I understand your small outrage; although, I also see where your mother is coming from. Whether you think this is about our family's reputation or not, the bottom line is, you've managed to hurt someone who cared about you so much. You were unfair to Koura, and based from what you told me you two talked about, you did not even supply a reason to her. All you said was the two of you needed to decide properly, straighten up some loose ends. We all know that is not your real reason," his father paused after a long speech, hoping his son would supply a word or two. Sesshoumaru remained mute.

"You are being unfair to many people, Sesshoumaru. People who have the right to know; like Koura's parents, Koura, yourself and Kagura."

Sesshoumaru made a swift turn to face his father, his face masked with a rigid expression. "What does Kagura have to do with all this?"

"Listen to yourself, boy! You always get defensive when her name is mentioned in this household. You brought it upon yourself by bringing her here. People would question. You should have anticipated it."

"Who gave them the right to question?" Sesshoumaru snapped. Really, why do people feel the need to involve themselves in someone else's business?

Taisho laughed at the irony of it. Sesshoumaru had always been a man of intellect, logic and wit. He should know the answer to his own question. "Love truly changes a man," was Taisho's only response. His son gave him an almost dumbfounded look, only Sesshoumaru was quick to erase a trace of emotion on his face.

"What-," Sesshoumaru paused. He could not for the life of him believe he was going to ask this question to his father. "What do you think I should do?" he asked in a low voice, as if afraid someone might actually hear the great Sesshoumaru needing assistance to run his life.

Taisho did not laugh nor gasp in shock (he wanted to but he dared not to!) "Sesshoumaru, you said never to interfere with your decisions. I will do just that. Only, I can give an advice. All I can say is think deeply and lose all your nonsense inhibitions and propriety. For once, think of what you like to have in your life, not what you should have. That is all I can say," he stood up from his seat and gave his eldest son a gentle pat on the back.

It did not take a moment before Sesshoumaru knew what he should do. It was always at the back of his mind. He was just trying to block it out for fear it was well out of his personality range to do something outrageous.

"Give yourself the chance to be happy," his father said as he exited the room.

Sesshoumaru smirked. The chance to be happy? There was only one person who could do that. Within minutes Sesshoumaru was strolling out of the study room into the living room towards the front door.

"Sesshoumaru!" his mother called out to him.

He turned to face her. "Mother, forgive me for my lack of control some minutes ago. I did not intend to sound disrespectful."

Izayoi smiled at him. "Where are you going? Aren't you going to stay for dinner?"

"I have something important to do," he answered, hoping he would not have to divulge what he intended to do.

Izayoi just couldn't help herself. "What is it?"

Sesshoumaru expected his mother would press. "I already made a decision."

"Is this about you and Koura? Good. Maybe you could still catch her. She phoned me right after she left your apartment. Her flight is due in an hour. You'd still be able to catch her. Better yet, call her. Wait, I'll do that. You go ahead and meet her," she was bubbling in excitement at the turn of events.

"Mom. Not Koura, but Kagura." He did not wait for his mother's response. He needed to this do as soon as possible. A chance to be happy, as his father had said. Sesshoumaru disappeared, too quickly for Izayoi to catch. Within seconds the sound of a car's engine were heard leaving the compound.

Izayoi turned in horror to her husband who was standing behind her. "What did you do? What did you say to him? How could you Taisho!"

Taisho smiled. "I only told him to give himself a chance for happiness. That's the best advice a father could tell a son. Kind-of like what my dad told me when I was planning to propose to you."

It did not work to pacify Izayoi. "Ooh. And here I was hoping reconciliation between him and Koura," she grumbled.

"Well, that Kagura is very lovely and seemed intelligent. Maybe you should give her a chance."

Izayoi sighed. "How I wished both Inuyasha and Sesshoumaru stayed as kids forever, so there are no issues like this!"

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The sky was already emblazoned in the golden orange of the setting sun. The highway was practically empty, ironic considering it was a Saturday night. Perhaps it was for the best because of a dark Mercedes cruising through the road at a fast speed. All Sesshoumaru could hope for was he would not be caught speeding.

He was driving as fast as he could to get to his destination. He had made a decision, and though he was never really rash in taking actions, he felt this was his only chance. He felt somehow foolish but that was the way life goes. As his father had said, give happiness a chance.

And that was what he intended to do. Hopefully, Kagura would be so kind.

And now I concede on the night
of this fifteenth song
Of melancholy, of melancholy
And now I will admit in this fourth line
That I love you, that I love you

I don't care what they say
I don't care what they do

'Cause tonight I leave my fears behind
'Cause tonight I'll be right at your side

Broken Sonnet by Hale

go leafs go

ch22 will be uploaded sooner...right after i finish a chem test, a math test, an essay, two more exams, loads of homework, books 5-24 of Odyssey...okay you guys get my point. heh. sorry really, quite busy but i'm doing the best i can. so... be patient. i promise though next chapter will not take too long. thank you everyone who still reads this fic. and umm... i hope the Leafs win their next game...or win all of their games starting fri vs. Buffalo.

i bleed blue and white for always!